Does having a tragic backstory and being rich and going to NYU make you “cool”? Sound off in the comments
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Gil Thorp, 11/13/24
Oh yeah, remember Coach Perm Gerads, who briefly seemed like he might be Gil’s new nemesis but then he got beat up by his own students? Well, this sent him on a downward spiral into madness that delivered him here, his perm now stringy and wild, promising to eat a shoe for the amusement of the sort of layabouts and yahoos who watch local TV during the middle of the day. Gil at one point was doing his own ads for this used car impresario, and if you need to know what this Valley Conference grandee thinks of the relative strengths of the Goshen and Milford squads, run the numbers on the proposed trade here: if Goshen wins, Fox promises to reduce their revenues by 50% indefinitely, which would swiftly bankrupt the dealership, and if Milford wins, Coach Gerards will livestream himself doing something humiliating, which will cost Fox nothing and also bring new subscribers to the dealership’s various social channels.
Judge Parker, 11/13/24
I would’ve thought that Problematic Age Gap Discourse was very late 2023/early 2024, but apparently we’re going to get some in Judge Parker, which is fine because I find Glen’s facial expression in panel one very amusing. Also I will note that he is supposed to be in his early 20s and has shown up for his date with his college sophomore girlfriend wearing a grey suit jacket and a white dress shirt, which may signal a Problematic Coolness Gap that the stubble simply cannot mitigate.
Gasoline Alley, 11/13/24
I feel like “Look at Saturn’s rings while you can, kids!” is a pretty ominous statement, like it clearly implies that this is the last they’ll see of them, and the final panel really doesn’t fully walk it back. What does Arty the AI know about certain Events that will happen in the next twelve months that will result in these children, and possibly the rest of our species, never seeing Saturn’s rings again? Guess we’ll find out, haha!
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/13/24
Finally, after nearly 80 years, “Bunky” has returned to this strip. Who knows what sort of wild, exciting gags this will provide opportunities for? [LITERALLY ONE DAY LATER] Hey, you guys heard about this pumpkin spice stuff? You heard about this?
Dennis the Menace, 11/13/24
Aw, look at Martha’s face! Even after all these years she’s tickled by George’s bullshit. I think it’s sweet!
178 replies to “Does having a tragic backstory and being rich and going to NYU make you “cool”? Sound off in the comments”
Mary Worth Mashups
Rex Morgan: Is the Viscount Murphy von Mudmont de la Fergilicious acknowledging the “love that dare not speak its name” he has for the Truckster? It seems so.
//Thanks to Violet for the grandiose name.
Martha, I’m not sure you should be quite so amused. Your husband is genuinely unhappy and also maybe dying?
MW: “Woah, slow down there, Bub. Remember, I’ve seen you without your toupee.”
Snuffy Smif: “This is a new character to our readers, and the bars of the racing stall obscure his features, as well as that of the also newish Sparky. They’re sort of disorienting and take up the entire panel. So in the second panel, let’s change the readers’ viewpoint, and show them inside the stall, maybe at a profile, then in the third panel, zoom in on the new character for his big punchline.”
Guy who Xeroxes the art: “No…. No, I don’t think we’ll be doing that.”
MW: it’s time to move on Jeff. Move on. Mary needs to be alone.
MW:
Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
A tale of a hateful trip
That started from myopic snorts
Aboard this briny ship
The mate was a flighty, flailing sham
The skipper craved Ensure
Two passengers set sail that day
For a real dour tour, a real dour tour
The blather started getting tough
The briny ship? — star-crossed
If not for the courage of the cheerless two
The widow would be lost, the widow would be lost
The ship set ground on the shore with this discarded, weathered bile
With simpletons —
The skipper stewed
He filled the air with his strife
A moody tar —
I profess she’s a harridan
Here on Simpleton’s Isle!
DtM: It may seem odd Wilson dials the Mitchells instead of 911 but it isn’t the first time the kid has absconded with his ‘kit.’ No worries though, a shot of insulin administered by Dennis soon has him back on his feet.
GA:
“Look at Saturn’s rings while you can, kids!”
“Why, what will happen?”
“Ever seen the movie The Day of the Triffids? — well, that’s what’s gonna happen.”
DtM — An elderly man demands the services of a young boy to fix his aging blood. Menace level: Oligarch!
JP:
Another strip installment, another day of pointless vituperative screeching and the rendering of pouty faces.
GT:
Wow, I didn’t know that Ming the Merciless owned a used car dealership now.
GT: If Hernnadez and Ochoa went over their lunch hour, doesn’t that mean they have classes of students sitting around unsupervised and probably drawing attention by being really loud and irresponsible? Maybe Thorp isn’t tattling on his assistant coaches for bothering him while watching his stories because he knows their termination paperwork is already being printed.
GA: “Yeah, those rings are nice and all, robot, but can we maybe talk about why Saturn is now only 100 feet in diameter?”
Luann: It’s wild how thoroughly unlikable the “likable” characters in this comic are. Say what you will about the rest of Stef’s personality, but she’s the only honest person in this love triangle.
DT: “He didn’t ask us about the condition of Sprengstoff’s body, either.”
“Very odd for a hands-on manager, indeed.”
“Or about the spelling of Sprengstoff’s name.”
“Very odd for a City College graduate.”
“Or how many library books Sprengstoff has checked out with his fake library card.”
“Very odd for someone who’s grouchy but competent.”
“That’s Fred Senior.”
“Oh, right. What’s Fred Junior’s thing, again?”
“Uh… popular?”
“Ah. Yes. Very odd.”
MW: If a thrice-annual boating-and-dinner arrangement with a woman who refuses to sleep with him or have an adult conversation about their relationship is “having the stars,” it may be time for Jeff to give up on astronomy.
RMMD: Well, there’s a bombshell. We’ve been joking the past two years about how Truck and Mud quarrel like ex-lovers, but it turns out that simile was redundant all along.
GT: I like how the art in this stirp is getting more and more abstract, presumably to represent Gil’s deteriorating state of mind as his brain turns to mush from daytime TV. Looking forward to a month from now when it’ll just be a purple triangle talking to an orange square.
JP: Speaking of art, I’m loving all those framed colored sheets on the wall. Presumably those were just placeholders used by the interior decorator, but then one of those rich dips saw them and said something like “What an interesting take on the vacuousness of modern society” , and now everyone has to pretend it’s intentional.
GA: “Now the rings of Uranus, those are always visible. Seriously though, adjust your skirt…”
DtM: It’s funny because looking Mr Wilson isn’t joking: he actually looks to be in pretty rough shape! The daily stress he gets from Dennis is the only thing keeping his heart going — without that constant irritation he would literally collapse and die! I feel like this is a lost episode of The Twilight Zone.
JP: Since when does Neddy have a superior taste in boyfriends?
Snuffy Smith – I’m not an expert on horse racing, but I think the horse and rider are “in the starting gate,” not “behind the starting stall.”
MW:
“Jeff, why buy an entire shelfful of milk substitute products when the non-dairy creamer is so cheap? — no, wait a minute…that’s not it.”
GT: He’s going to eat his shoe? Ehh, better than ending up like The Man Who Ate His Boots.
BG&SS: “Pumpkin Spice Latte” is simply a faux-doofus street name for Lasix. Sometimes acting the fool has its advantages.
Never having seen Now, Voyager, whose famous last line Mary Worth is paraphrasing, I thought she was dumping Jeff. But from the Wikipedia plot summary (Bette Davis’s psychiatrist is letting Paul Henreid’s daughter live with her as long as her relationship with Henreid remains platonic), she’s just telling Dr. Jeff that he’s not getting any tonight. Either way, she’s putting in a call to former Broadway star Ken Kensington.
Gasoline Alley: “Why, what will happen?” “The end of this flying saucer ride which is allowing you to get a much better look at Saturn’s rings than you can from Earth. Are you dumb?”
DtM- i guess this explains why Dennis hangs out at the Wilson’s so often. You’d think a retired postal worker’s pension would afford better medical coverage.
MW: Mary probably doesn’t want to give up half of her stuff to Dr Jeff after the inevitable hook-up with Wilbur, an incident that begins when Mary says the same line in panel 2 today and Wilbur responds “Oh, you want the moon, do you…” as he unbuckles his belt and starts to pull down his pants.
MW: “Now, Voyager” is one of my favorite movies. Now it’s ruined. Shame, shame, for besmirching the memory of Bette Davis.
SF: Ted simply can’t fathom Jeanie and Ronan; they would rather DO stuff than sit around thinking of things to whine about.
GT: Do your best, Fox Used Auto. Slacker Gil is in the ascendancy.
@ValdVin: Going to use this as a pretext to recycle the following joke about Franklin’s lost expedition:
[setting sail in the HMS Terror and the HMS Erebus] I have a good feeling about this!
MW – Must be about time for Dr. Blue Balls to make another charity tour to southeast Asia.
Is it just me, or is Glen’s shirt actually a very light blue? It’s me, isn’t it, I have cataracts. Also, who names a kid Glen anymore? He should be Will or Tyler or Joshua. Get off my lawn!
GA: Wait until tomorrow, when Artie says, “Take a last look at Uranus,” which could also be interpreted as “Kiss your ass goodbye.”
Judge Parker: Aw, it’s sweet that they’re arguing over the guy who’s obviously missed a few doses of Carbidopa-Levidopa and has completely frozen up. Get your guy intubated straight away, Sophie! Parkinsonism waits for no man!
MW: “I’m not asking for the moon. I’m asking for . . . ahem, *you* know.”
CS: And here we all thought this Amazon bit couldn’t get any stupider.
BB: Pretty sweet gig Walker’s got going here. You don’t even need to pretend you’ve written something humorous anymore. You just write down whatever random words cross your mind and you get another day’s pay.”
One bit of trivia that haunts me is Saturn’s rings will be gone in about 100 million years. Unimaginably much time compared to the existence of human civilization so far, yet it’s not that much time in astronomical or geological terms, I mean, I’m sure Snuffy Smith will still be around with barely any adjustment needed to reflect the slightly more gentle hills of the Appalachians. And Gasoline Alley, the strip about ancient and dying people has something to say about this? Surely it’ll be something poignant, directed at the small children I imagine represent the future of the readership beyond the strip, powered by the license granted to those about to die to speak freely and fearlessly, about how strange that we happen to live in the same period as this ephemeral wonder in our sky. . .? Oh, no, it’s just about a random space thing due next year. This comic is such a wild card.
MW: After Mary rejects his proposal with a trite cliché, Jeff thinks; “Whew! dodged a bullet there.”
Hey, Arty the Asshole, the children may be too dunderheaded to figure out that Saturn has shrunk so much that both it and your ship flying behind it are visible in the same panel, so why not save the pointless crap about the rings and tell them that already pretty much every telescope at home is already incapable of seeing the planet and at this rate of collapse it will soon be a black hole, sucking Gasoline Earth to its well-deserved demise.
@matt w: What do you think Martha is so ecstatic about? (evil grin)
Gasoline Alley: [Spends next 18-24 months attempting and failing to teach concept of object permanence, gives up and goes back to scrapbooking]
Thorpe – Why is ersatz Charles Bronson selling cars in Milford?
I didn’t think it was possible for Gil Thorp‘s artwork to get any worse. I underestimated their a,bition.
I’m waiting for Gasoline Alley to appear to disappear.
GT: Why on earth would Fox agree to sell his cars at half price if Goshen wins? Man, that Coach Gerads must be one smooth talker. Too bad he’s not a smooth hair-comber.
GT: Gil Thorp’s new artist — bringing new meaning to the term “sketchy characters.”
Frazz: “But nowadays our food animals are all killed out of sight and thus out of mind, so you disgusting carnivores don’t have to face the consequences of your shameful bloodlust.”
JP: And yet another Sophie/Neddy acquaintance reels back in horror thinking, “Sheesh, I thought *my* family was screwed up.”
RMMD: “I’m happy for you, old buddy. I guess
she sees something in you that I don’tshe’ll find out what an a-hole you really are soon enough.”@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: It’s not just you. And while I’m far from a fashion expert, I’m completely at a loss to what the problem with Glen’s attire is. Looks like a perfectly normal outfit for a young professional to wear for a casual after-work dinner to me. And besides, he’s dating Sophie Spencer. Being on the wrong side of a coolness gap will never be a concern for anyone dating Sophie.
Gil Thorp – Fox Used Auto isn’t concerned with its loose promises of “50% off all cars”. The customer base’s only familiarity with the law involves a court-appointed attorney who has to remind them to wear a shirt to their hearings.
Gasoline Alley – This is an awkwardly executed attempt by academia to let readers know not to listen to conspiracy theories about the disappearance of Saturn’s rings, no matter what that crazy influencer on social media is yelling about. Any actual news article would be skipped, so they hid the message in the comics next to the horoscopes.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith – This joke falls apart because there is no way there is a Starbucks within 100 miles of Hootin’ Holler. Even Waffle House shut down.
Dennis the Menace – Mr. Wilson fell for one of those Medicare Advantage Plans that take all his money for the privilege of him paying full price for prescriptions. He’s either going to have to hock his most treasured possessions, take out a reverse mortgage, or turn to a mix of unregulated dietary supplements and, in emergency, use Dennis for environmental stimulation.
MW: Henceforth, the role of Mary Worth will be played by Bette Davis. Up next, Mary is featured as “Baby Jane” as Tobi breaks her ankle and is “temporarily” confined to a wheelchair at Charterstone.
RMMD-“Truck, you will always be my sidepiece.”
MW-Mary is afraid to get married again after her last husband killed himself.
FC-“Everyone stay calm. Don’t make any sudden moves. If we do have to run we’ll throw Jeffy to Kittycat in hopes that’ll slow her down.”
Good call Lil’ Sparky! Caffeine is a stimulant, but there is no blanket ban on its use yet, so it’s practically legal doping!
Well, nothing more that I would like than spending some minutes applying the absurdities of the age gap Twitter discourse to the inane bullshit of the comics page, but the problem is that I don’t know any “Judge Parker” character, so I wouldn’t know how to contribute
GT: “Listen, I’ve been a few of these art style shifts. We used to live in a Lovecraftian black and white world where space and position were meaningless, then everything kind of just looked normal and flat for a while… Look around you now. That man’s beard is just lines made with a Bic pen. I’m just going to sit this one out.”
BGSS: A month ago I learned that Jack Ruby was called “Sparky” as a kid after Spark Plug from this strip. I don’t know why, but it’s stuck in my brain since. So, I can only read this strip as Spark Plug going mad in prison after a murder — hey, has anyone seen Barney Google lately?
Ahahahah, it’s funny because Mr Wilson has no access to FDA-approved medicines, probably because he’s too poor or a victim of bureaucratic malpractice, so he has to resort to home remedies to stay alive!
GT: I don’t follow this strip, but the artwork looks like that series of paintings where the artist was descending into schizophrenia.
JP: At least his suit coat is not lime green.
BG/SS: The horse is actually in the Hootin’ Holler holdin’ cell due to public drunkenness, and he’s just now noticing that there’s no toilet.
Luann: “Good news, Kip! I persuaded Stef to stop having so much sex with you!”
9CL: Did I miss something here? Given the context and the history of this strip, I assume that she made her boyfriend spooge all over his shirt, but knowing Brooke, I’m surprised that we didn’t see it happen.
@matt w: Be my guest.
I’ve had to scrape frost off my windshield a few times, marking the start of “It’s too cold to read any books about ‘The Franklin Expedition’ season.”
MW: Think about, Jeff. It makes even less sense to “buy the cow” when the cow doesn’t even give milk! Meanwhile, coconut milk is readily available in Southeast Asia.
y’all seeing those abstract mudflap girls and dolla signs in the last panel? depraved
GIL THORP: I’m dubious. Coach Perm already seems to be putting his foot in his mouth with such an ill-advised bet, so everyone’s already seeing it for free.
GA: It looks like Scancarelli got an astronomy book more up to date than H.A. Rey’s “The Stars”. You don’t suppose they’ll make a visit to the currently recognized outmost planet?
Curtis: “Waaah! Old people replace old people with young people.” Could be worse – see Dagwood Bumstead and decades of abuse.
Phantom: This plotline aged so badly so quickly, it’s making curds.
GT: “I’ll risk my health for a taunting bet!”
I can’t help but read Snuffy Smith to the rhythm of “The Distance”
There’s been quite the focus on pumpkin spice in the last few days, but I would say we’re in the period between those and the peppermint mochas. I can’t wait to see what kind of jokes those will yield! (Answer: the same exact jokes).
JUDGE PARKER: I love that Glen comes from a background that includes his uncle murdering his father, and a jealous resentful brother and yet is has a look on his face that (accurately!) screams, God, DAMN, this family is dysfunctional
MW – Have we ever seen the inside of Jeff’s bachelor pad? Specifically the unwashed dishes, dirty clothes lying on the floor and filthy bathroom? That probably goes a long way to explaining Mary’s matrimonial reluctance. Frankly, I’m surprised she’s even willing to fuck on those rancid sheets.
JP: Neddy’s behavior is not normal. I know everyone already knows that but I just wanted to say it.
The Good News: The creative team at Judge Parker has finally succeeded in their dream of retooling the strip into Apartment 3-G.
The Bad News: It’s the incomprehensible, mercy-killed, version of the latter.
@27 Cleveland Mocks: “I’m not asking for the moon. I’m asking for . . . ahem, *you* know.” Ur-anus. (Someone had to say it.)
@55 cheech wizard: Dr. Jeff’s place could be so clean you could make semiconductors in it yet Mary still wouldn’t give it up to him.
GT – “Yeah, yeah. Discount cars, eating a shoe. Whatever. Back to Golden Girls!”
Gasoline Alley is warning about not seeng the Saturn rings because most of its readers are as old as Walt and they will be dead before the end of 2025
“Look at Saturn’s rings while you can, kids! They’ll be gone in less then one hundred million years! I’ll still be here, intelligent and immortal, roaming over the subducting ruins of human civilization!”
How can Hottin’ Holler have pumpking spice lattes? Well, they don’t have Starbucks but they also don’t have access to a steady supply of imported goods, so they do an ersatz-coffee with toasted pumpkin seeds mixed with unpastrourised milk
JP: Glen starts to back away slowly as Neddy continues; “If you need to be stroked, I’ll buy you a vibrator!!“
GT: Well, that explains why Gil bought Beth a Betty White wig.
Even if Gil returns to coaching, he has only ONE week to prepare the team to the match. I don’t see what he could do in that week to win — unless he convinces Kaz to release the students who assaulted Gerads, so that they can finish the job by stabbing him
@Tom T.: Brooke McEldowney cares not if anyone else has any idea what’s happening in his comic, and his very few fans seem to be equally fine with this arrangement. But let’s have a look anyway.
Unless this “Alistair lost a shirt” arc started long ago, it looks like we only have two days to cover. Yesterday starts with Edda having an “As you know…” expository back-and-forth conversation with herself while one of her aged-up daughters stands next to her in total silence, because that’s definitely how dialogue works. Then the daughter goes and openly flirts with her father Amos, because McEldowney. Amos is flustered as he worryingly covers his midsection with his weird hand, but we conclude the first day with no viable clues about the condition and location of the shirt.
The next day is some time in the future. Edda has the same conversation she did yesterday, but this time the daughter gets to recite her own half of the conversation. Unfortunately they just talk around the missing shirt some more, but on the bright side McEldowney was able to get through an entire day’s strip without any overt incest. Sure, we still have casual familial chitchat about sexual activity perverse and violent enough to cause articles of clothing to become unusable or missing, but it’s not a second day of a teenage girl deliberately getting her father’s dick hard, so cheers to McEldowney for making progress on that front. I doubt there will ever be any clear information about the shirt, though.
Coach Martinez started as an arrogant rival of Coach Thorp, but when he was defeated he recognised his superiority and joined his team. Coach Gerards seems to be going along the same path. So Gil will be taken out of the fight, let his mates stall the enemy until he is ready to return, defeat the enemy and add him to his team. I guess that as part of the reboot, Gil Thorp is now Goku
Sure Neddy might be a snitch and patronising, but at least she’s a fast texter who doesn’t send long vocal messages!
It’s weird, Mr Wilson always seemed to have problems with high blood pressure, due to stress and obesity, I wonder what changed? SOME GOOGLE LATER: However, some medications to treat ED may cause a drop in blood pressure in some people. So that’s why Martha is grinning!
DtM: Hatred of Dennis is pretty much the only thing keeping Mr. Wilson going these days.
GT: I don’t see Gil as a Golden Girls type of unmotivated couch potato; he’d probably be on the History Channel watching Hitler’s Aliens or whatever. I do, however, fully believe he would get back into coaching just for the pure spite of making a rival coach eat his shoe on social media.
JP: The problem with a lot of these soap strips is I can’t tell what is me accidentally missing a day and what is just bad plotting.
Never mind the fact that Bunky has no saddle or reins. That bonnet is going to be an aerodynamic drag and lose the race for Lil’ Sparky.
@Baja Gaijin: Yes, Mary’s always inviting him to eat her muffins, but sadly, never in the singular.
GT: this is getting more horrible by the day.
The writer has the right idea. Gil is on medical leave, getting ready for his pension and disability payments and just doesn’t give a f*ck anymore.
S4th – Is Jeanie holding a hammer gun? Please tell me that Jeanie is holding a hammer gun. I want to believe that she’s demolishing their stoop in preparation for Ronan to pour concrete for a new set of steps!
C’shaft: If it’s day three of your six-day gag and you’re already stretching like this, it may be time to find a new six-day gag.
DT: “What do you mean ‘which countries in Europe’? They’re pretty much all the same, with their trains and their socialized medicine and their ratified declarations of universal human rights…”
Dustin: Ten dollars a mile? That’s a bit disproportionate, unless Dustdad grabbed an entire case of World’s Finest almond bars out the break room and scarf them down at his…you know what, never mind, that’s exactly what he did, right before going home and complaining about his wife spending twenty bucks on face cream. And he probably never actually paid for the chocolate bars, either.
Luann: On the plus side, Clan Evans has finally admitted that the supposedly “slutty” Tiffany has never actually been shown to be dating anyone…
Phantom: Apparently national governments are like potato chips, or megayachts: you can’t have just one.
GT, panel 4: “I’m melting!!!”
“This brought to you by Wicked!”
Gil Thorp: This feels like a reference to that time Werner Herzog ate a shoe because of a lost bet, but the situation in the comic bears so little resemblance to the one in real life that it kinda defeats the whole point of making the reference, which is pretty typical of this comic.
Judge Parker: Neddy is absolutely the kind of pathetic, Twitter-poisoned weirdo who thinks two adults with a five year age gap is “problematic” and harasses them about it despite having done actually bad shit herself, so points to this comic for understanding it’s characters.
Gasoline Alley: Hoping that tomorrow’s strip will be the girls saying they wish they could look at Saturn’s rings all the time and Art replies by dumping them all out the airlock to oblige their request.
Snuffy Smith: I’m sorry but can we not get two Li’l Sparky strips in a row? I already hate this dumbass horse, I’d rather we get breaks between his appearances.
Dennis The Menace: Martha might think it’s funny, but Mr. Wilson clearly doesn’t considering his expression that says “I’m dying of hypotension and the only way to save myself is to interact with the most annoying person on the planet”.
Snuffy Smith: At the base, the punchline is a caffeine joke, so it could’ve been any coffee.
DtM: Oh George, just call your doctor. Dennis gave you the cheap nose candy last time just to get you hooked. Please stop now, or someday Dennis will be sending Joey to break your legs.
MW: Considering they’re atop a speeding boat, all of the words should be in bold, and every line should be repeated after the other person yells “WHAT?!” with their hand cupped behind their ear.
GT – Land’a Goshen! Gil has become Keanu Reeves….
JP – Bitter beer face Wednesday….
GA – Saturn got a divorce and isn’t wearing rings anymore – told her partner to could stick them up Uranus….
BG&SS – There’s not enough weed to squeeze a laugh out’a this mess….
DtM – Dennis Mitchell – Assholistic Healer – But Appointment Only….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@ValdVin: My latest favorite doomed polar expedition story is the Wrangel Island fiasco. Vilhjalmur Stefansson, who was the kind of guy who would call himself Vilhjalmur Stefansson even though his name was William Stephenson, wanted to claim Wrangel Island for Canada or the UK, even though neither of them wanted it and it was a Russian territory. He also wanted to start a touring company. So he rustled up four inexperienced young men and recruited an Iñupiat woman on the theory of “hey, you’re an Alaska Native, you can survive in the Arctic,” even though she was expecting there to be more Alaska Natives on the expedition and that her role would be seamstress/cook. Fortunately the Iñupiat woman (Ada Blackjack) and the expedition cat survived, but everyone else died and Blackjack and the cat were alone on the island for eight months.
@77 ectojazzmage: on Gil Thorp: The shoe he’s gonna eat. Imagine him wearing it. [shudder]
FC: Count your blessings, Kitty Cat…
@Little Blue Bicycle: “Wicked – The Movie” or “Wicked.com – The Porn Site”?
There’s a toy company out there just now learning the difference.
GT: The artist has chutzpah getting drunk off her ass while producing the strip, and then publishing the results. Panel 1 is one drink in, panel 2 is two or three, and then she killed a 6-pack before even getting started on panel 3.
Don Abundio, translated:
“I hope this night never ends, don’t you?”
“Yes, and it also had no beginning”
“Shall we sit on a bench?”
“Whatever you wish!”
“They don’t notice us, either they’re dead or we are”
PHANTOM:. Took a second glance at weirdly dressed person before I saw ring. Hey, this is equatorial temps guys, why the long sleeves?
@1 Baja Gaijin:
I like the face slapping Mary. It can be used in all sorts of situations.
6Cx: “Two Cats walk into a bar…” heh heh heh Great concept and presentation! I gotta commend my Intern for gettin’ the scheduling right today! And a top-notch performance by our bar-fly Felines! These veteran performers remember when comic drinking gigs were a common thing… not so much today. They were happy to come outta retirement for this classic scene. Don’t worry, they were really drinking fat-free milk… no cream for these seniors! And no Birds were actually purchased…
The Family Circus Spanish to English.
MW: meanwhile, Jeff there’s a nurse wearing a lacy red thong under her scrubs who has the hots for you. What, exactly, does Mary do for you?
You have no idea how angry I am to have learned something from a Gasoline Alley strip.
Arlo and Janis: He’s probably trying to put the thingee into the thingee upside down.
MW – Why doesn’t Dr. Jeff just go bang Dawn? (Serious question here.)
Marvin is mixing it up by making a joke about bird poop today.
@Sequitur: This is a relatively weak Arlo and Janis, but props to Jimmy Johnson for not giving the “thingy” lines to the woman.
@94 Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
~ Edwin Way Teale
Tomorrow better show Gil watching Golden Girls. Given it’s Gil, I imagine it’ll be a mix of Marty Moon-style commentary (“Aaaaaand BOOM Dorothy hits her with a retort!”) and Mary Worth-style meddling (“Blanche, you can’t prioritize men over your friends.”).
“If Guilford beats Milford, I’ll eat my dog,Spot!” It’s about time Cal Worthington got a pony in this fight!
BG&SS – Good to know a well-timed pumpkin spice joke can stop a horse from sweating.
GT: Per Josh’s comment, Coach Gerard’s entire BODY is “stringy and wild,” especially his face. The new GT artistic style is kinda scary.
@Poteet: GT: Per Josh’s comment, Coach Gerard’s entire BODY is “stringy and wild,” especially his face. The new GT artistic style is kinda scary.
The syndicates seem to be going all in on hiring comic strip artists that can’t actually draw. It’s a bold strategy. Hope it works out for them.
Me thinks Lil Sparky has been indulging in the pumpkin spiced Moonshine at Shinebucks™
“GOLDEN GILS is coming on…….”
” Thank you for being a %%$&@+!……”
JP-Quick get me to a fainting couch! A five year age difference!? Heaven forbid!
FC – Kittycat is trying to decide which one she’ll eat first.
Mary Worth – You know, if a passenger lost her balance and fell into the ocean, the Coast Guard would probably never find her. Especially if the captain didn’t notice and failed to radio it in for a while. I don’t know why I thought of that.
Frazz – Frazz is usually judgmental about individuals, but now he’s made the leap to smugly judging entire cultures.
JP & 9CL – I can’t decide which strip has the most unlikable characters. Screetchy Neddy or narcissistic sociopaths Edda and her daughter(s)?
Seriously, when the twins were children they were so off-putting that it didn’t seem possible that they could be any worse. How wrong that was.
@Liam: I know, right? I only learned from the comments here that apparently this has been a big deal on Twitter, which makes me even more glad I have stayed away from there.
@Baja Gaijin: Mashups – That slapping one holds a special place in my heart.
@Bob Tice: That is a perfect description of JP.
@Charterstoned: I can imagine Mary and Toby in a reenactment of All About Eve. “Fasten your seat belts; it’s going to be a bumpy night. However, I made muffins.”
Speaking of old movies, last night we happened to catch the last third or so of Sunset Boulevard. I’ve seen that film countless times, and each time I see it I am more impressed with it. I am in awe of Gloria Swanson’s performance. She was robbed of an Oscar, although I understand how that happened.
Gil Thorp: “That’s right, the team won, so it’s 50% off all cars! So, how much do you want to pay per month so we can get you into a sweet ride today? Oh, sure, for that much, we can give you a nice, clean 2015 Honda, paid off over 7 years at a low interest rate of 13%! Yes, that includes the discount — as I said, 50% off the destination fee for all cars! Oh, you thought it was for the car itself? Well, just because I like you, I’ll throw in a discount on the undercoating too. My manager will be furious, but I don’t care! Just give me your car keys and driver’s license, and we can take it for a test drive. Oh, don’t worry, you’ll get those back at the end of the day. Now, why don’t you sit here and watch ‘Golden Girls’ while I get the paperwork ready, and don’t forget to write in your bank info and Social Security number! Oh, and don’t worry about any whining sound from the engine — it just means the turbo-drive is working. Would any other dealership give you this kind of service? I don’t think so! Tell your friends, and remember our motto — ‘At Fox Used Auto, we love to win!’ “
@Sequitur: A&J and Pearls have thingee synchrony today.
Crank: Okay, I didn’t get the formula exactly right, and I thought he’d do drones first, but I did predict yesterday that Batty’s barrel-scraping would reach the guaranteed laugh fest that is “Amazon recommendations are weird”, and I’m calling that a win. (It balances out, because I’ve started reading Crankshaft again, and I’m calling that a loss.)
(Although, I’ve just noticed that yesterday I got my Funkyverse kids mixed up and called him Skylar, even though the strip itself named him as Mitch. So I’m not reading it that thoroughly!)
DT: It was identified as a fake immediately, and the guy never even attempted to use it to get into the building, so why should Totten Jr care? Since I assume your next stop is the library, to fish for info about the fake library card, will you count it suspicious if they say “Well, he never actually tried to take any books out with it, so whatever”?
(I’m kidding, of course they aren’t going to the library. Costello knows what’s a clue and what’s just a background detail, so Tracy knows as well!)
FC: Poor Kittycat. She’s got two dogs and four melonheads lining up to stare at her.
GA: “Look at Saturn’s rings while you can, kids, because for much of 2025, they’ll be invisible from Earth!”
“But we’re currently in space. If we want to see them again, can’t you just take us back into space?”
“Um… they’ll also be invisible from space.”
“That doesn’t make any sense!”
“I’m an AI. I don’t have to make sense, I just have to form coherent-looking sentences.”
JP: I love — and by “love” I mean “hate with the power of a thousand burning suns” — that as soon as Neddy gets disapproving that Glen is outside the (age/2)+7 rule, Sophie immediately forgets that her official position is that they’re not even dating.
OTF: Huh, so apparently, Holbrook basically agrees with my criticism of yesterday’s strip, only with no acknowlegement that this in any way constitutes a criticism of yesterday’s strip (and slightly altering Dethany’s point to avoid doing so). I really don’t know how to react to that.
Phantom: Oh, goodness, I missed that Luaga was petting Devil yesterday. But yeah, looks like Stripey heard the word “nuclear” last week and just got himself and his wolf the hell out of there.
S4th: Ted’s mom is always impressed by how Ronan handles his chopper when he’s got some wood. (And I have been listening to Radio 4 comedy for too long.)
Zits: Hang on, didn’t this whole thing start because Connie wanted to do something that wasn’t dealing with a teenager’s problems?
A&J: The last week seems like random filler. Are they going to move to the coast or not?
GA: I’ll forgive this strip for a lot if it turns out that they were moving at relativistic speeds, and that Walt and Skeezix both died while they were gone. I’ll turn into Jim’s biggest defender if Joel and Rufus passed on as well.
@matt w:
Hard to imagine now how important the race to the North Pole was to glory seekers at the time . Across the Top of the World: To the North Pole by Sled, Balloon, Airplane and Nuclear Icebreaker by David E. Fisher is a book I recommend for a short but amusing look back on that most zany era of exploration.
MW – The S.S. Compensation keeps getting bigger every storyline. At this rate it’ll need a tugboat to get out of harbor next time.
@Professor Well Actually: HOPEFULLY NOT THAT
FC: Kitty Cat: “And I LIKE it that way! Now kneel and bring me Tender Vittles!”
@Professor Well Actually: Mary provides plentiful portions of platitudes.
@astroboy: Or you could call it the SS Blue Balls.
Frazz: It occurs to me that the shooty suburbanites would most likely leave their deer corpses with the upstate meat processors who specialize in breaking them into venison steaks and roasts and freezing them for later pickup. But maybe the hunting denizens of greater Frazzland really enjoy home butchery.
FG: So I guess the Lion People are the hippies of Mongo, with their free-roving ways and refusal to punch The Man’s time clocks. But King Jugrid piloting the “land cruiser” looks suspiciously like a Plugger retiree at the wheel of his RV, on the lookout for an overnight campground with septic hookups.
Vintage Apartment 3-G: Anyone for some WHIZZZZ corn flakes? It helps you whizzzz.
@Sequitur: Kinda like Bear Whiz Beer.
RMMD: “Why, I dunno. I guess she sees something in you that I don’t” ~~~~
Fergus immediately regretted those last words…man, that came out wrong! I was just trying to manage my shock and flatter the old guy to think that Wanda really cared about him….. but WHY on earth would a woman like Wanda agree to marry that skinny-ass geriatric? Now I’ve got a pretty good read on women and can pick up on their signals. I would swear that Wanda was giving me the eye and gettin’ a little on the antsy side when we were in the same room. And sure, I gave her some of those “looks” that I know women fall for. Just comes natural after all these years… But I really felt that – maybe – she’d respond in some way? Course I don’t know what she would have done, with Truck already settling in like tick on a hound. Guess he never saw anything odd about me always wanting to practice at the diner.
Wanda is just too good and kind-hearted to toss him out after rescuing him like she did. I’ll bet she took in stray dogs when she was a kid. But MARRY him? Why? Is it the money he’s making again? Maybe I shouldn’t have been so subtle, maybe given her more than just teasing looks. I gotta figure a way to stop this….
@Hibbleton: #114: Mark Twain in his “Life on the Mississippi” commented that if a creek were discovered in the county next to the North Pole they’d send an expedition to find its source, then send two or three more expeditions to find out what happened to the first expedition.
@Activist: PRESIDENT Lluaga has good air conditioning. MR. Lluaga probably didn’t.
REX MORGAN M.D.Is Fergus….trying to subtly hint that he wouldn’t mind have a greasy nicotine-stained affair with Truck? I don’t think I’m ready for this roots country-fied remake of Brokeback (Mud) Mountain.
Gil thorp is rapidly becoming Apartment 3-G.
We must excuse young Glen for his inappropriate attire because he is, after all, a finance person and a card-carrying member of the East Coast Elite. They have different standards, and tend to live in the past. He probably attended the Wharton School of Finance as well.
We find we have been remiss. We just noticed that Mrs. Bumstead, normally the best-dressed person in the comics, wears white shoes with her catering uniform. We will require a day or two to come to terms with that.
We find we have been remiss. We just noticed that Mrs. Bumstead, normally the best-dressed person in the comics, wears white shoes with her catering uniform. We will require a day or two to come to terms with that.
(Properly accredited this time. Abject apologies.)
Poor Dr. Jeff. The money he has squirreled away in the doctor trade – not to mention what he has thrown in that hole in the water he calls a boat – is nothing compared to the ill-gotten gains Mary made off with when her late husband “Black Jack” Worth died in prison after being sent up for embezzlement. And Mary will never let him get close enough to touch it.
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: Mr. Lluaga was employed selling little bags of peanuts from a pushcart in the town square. He would have killed for air conditioning, but all his savings needed to be set aside for the Bright Penny’s future law school. Even in darkest Africa, you have to sell a LOT of goobers to make that tuition.
@Baja Gaijin: @27 Cleveland Mocks: “I’m not asking for the moon. I’m asking for . . . ahem, *you* know.” Ur-anus. (Someone had to say it.)
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That’s good, Baja. Climb down in the gutter!
@UncleJeff: I was thinking the movie. Porn theoretically had more definition and sharper lines
The art in Gil Thorp looks like what I assume having a stroke feels like.
In other news, today’s Judge Parker is a good example of how these strips are incomprehensible to anyone who isn’t a daily devotee, or who doesn’t depend on them for spending money (like Josh).
Gasoline Alley is inane.
In Dennis the Menace, Mrs. Wilson is amused but Mr. Wilson looks like he thinks he’s dying.
GoComics has made a new list.
23 Comics About Coffee to Add a Jolt to Your Day.
@Her Father, John Darling:
During her job interview with Barajas, the new artist pitches her storyboard: “It’s the hottest new thing in comic strips. It’s called ‘trash art.’ You just scribble some half-assed sketches and BAM! — you’re avant garde! This is cutting-edge stuff! Readers absolutely LOVE it!”
Phantom – -Who is this story line is most likely to be getting a skull punch? Discuss.
MW-Who’s going to meddle Mary into marrying Jeff?
GA: “But of course by November of next year I will have…done nothing. Nothing at all you need to be concerned about. Everybody done taking pictures?”
GT: “Hucksters with terrible fashion sense are challenging my school? And on top of that they’re cutting into my Blanche Devereaux time? That’s it, boys, girls, and Tobias. Gil Thorp is getting back in the game!”
SSmith: First Dagwood and now these Hootin’ Holler homunculi. At this rate I feel like Mutt and Jeff are going to return for the express purpose of making pumpkin spice jokes.
@Baja Gaijin: Edible shoes: Another sign of the decline of civilization.
Problems with rings around Saturn, rings around Uranus, or rings around your collar? No problem, we’ll just Whisk them all away!
C-Shaft: G.O.B. Bluth, currently Amazon’s VP for indirect marketing and product placement, realizes that he’s made a huge mistake.
Dustin: Pretty sure that this exchange will end with Dustdad getting an Andrew Jackson and an admonition not to talk to the ginger for the rest of the week.
HtH: This is some kind of unwholesome age play, isn’t it? I’m stumped on why else the Horribles would have a table that comes up to Hagar’s shoulders.
H&L: Cripes, now the bunny has to start over with a whole other baby. At this rate it’ll take forever to become a real rabbit.
Luann: Okay, the open mouths haven’t quite ballooned to Burber proportions but it’s a little too close for comfort.
MT: Highlighting every quip the main characters make with captions like “Good one, Cherry!” is kind of like if a sitcom had a laugh track made from one loud drunk guy guffawing.
MW: Warning: Any passenger from this point onward heard making unauthorized Now, Voyager references will be made to walk the plank.
Phantom: Who’s the blonde again? Ox’s VP for International Relations? Ian Mollusk’s personal media director? Debbie from Time-Life? Whatever the case I assume she’s sending resumes around for something that won’t put her in an early grave.
RMMD: That’s the most meandering “no homo” I’ve ever heard.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: RMMD – Ecce Homo….
@Lord Flatulence: “It’s in the water.
That’s why it’s yellow.
Good ol’ country Bear Whiz Beer.
Wanna keep your Saturn? Better put a ring on it!
@Dr. Pill: @Baja Gaijin: Edible shoes: Another sign of the decline of civilization.
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See what you did Charlie Chaplin?????????!!!!!!????? Speak up, you tramp!
Low and Hi-less: Trixi has been into 9Weirdchick Lame’s trash again!
Happy Felix Unger Day!
Phantom — non apropos for nothing… When Burke Breathed featured Trump in Bloom County back in the late ’80s, it didn’t go so well for BB. I can’t imagine even wanting to risk taking on an infinitely more powerful and rich figure that could possibly be more unhinged AND works with President Trump today. I think the only reason nothing’s happened yet is that the figures involved probably operate today on the lines of “revenge is a dish best served cold”.
It would be a shame if Phantom disappeared from our daily snark for reasons like this.
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: #150:
“it didn’t go so well for BB”
Strange because Doonesbury used to rip into Trump all the time and it didn’t seem to hurt Gary Trudeau.
The Phantom’s writers probably wrote these months in advance when the polls said Harris would win in a landslide.
@Anonymous:
By her own account her fiance was unforgivably awful, although again that scene just reads like Ces being bored with the engagement arc and seeing no other way out.
I haven’t seen Uncle Lumpy in a while, I hope he’s okay.
Phantom: The blonde is the executive in charge of translating “Ian Mollusk” to “Human Being.”
Crankshaft: “They have photos of my….children. HOW DOES BEZOS HAVE PHOTOGRAPHS OF MY CHILDREN?!?”
@UncleJeff: You got the reference!
CS: Batiuk must be terminally depressed this ‘book burning’ storyline went over like a lead balloon. He appears to be trying to commit strip suicide with this blatant ripping off of Amazon’s trademark, hoping he gets sued into oblivion.
Luann: I’m guessing by tomorrow or maybe Friday both of them make the declaration ‘either SHE goes or I do!’ and the last panel shows BOTH of them with their bags outside the dorm room while Bets and Dez high-five at the prospect of finally getting some peace and quiet.
Late Thread Cuisine: For when you’re not too fancy for Hoboken or too hot for church.
@Baja Gaijin: Is the “luncheon meat” Spam? I see that it includes Tabasco sauce, so I couldn’t eat it. Not that I’d want to eat any other part of it. I can just imagine someone coming up with that horror and thinking that people would want to eat it.
“…not too fancy for Hoboken…” – I got the reference!
@Baja Gaijin: I can’t believe I’m writing this, but I especially like the #2 DeGroot hysteria.
@Ukulele Ike: I look at your name now and see Evil-Eye Fleegle playing the ukulele.
@Sequitur: Yeah, that. Good. Also good, what you said yesterday about spam.
@The Rambling Otter: Arrrgh.
@158 I speak Jive: When you’re invited to a holiday party by people you don’t like, bring that “crown roast.” You’ll never be invited back again.
@159 Poteet: Even dimbulb Luann could see how ridiculous Dr. Jeff’s marriage proposal is. Now that’s some serious ridiculousness!
@160 Poteet: Evil-Eye Fleegle of the Banana Splits?
@157 Baja Gaijin:
Someone has been playing too much Dungeons and Dragons.
@Poteet: I couldn’t find any footage of Evil-Eye Fleegle playing the ukulele, but here’s two minutes of Cliff Edwards (the real Ukulele Ike) and Buster Keaton playing a duet (on one ukulele and a set of drumsticks) and scat-singing in Doughboys (1930), Keaton’s second talkie.
@Poteet: Did I say something wrong? :(
JP: Oh, Glen. Just look at you thinking that compared to this, your family isn’t so bad after all. *chucks him under the chin*
@The Rambling Otter: No no no, sorry, I’m just a little worried now too.
@Baja Gaijin: That is…grotesque. Congratulations on another amazing find. It’s like from Hell’s Kitchen in actual hell.
@169 Poteet: What? You don’t like Spamhenge?
@Ukulele Ike: I appreciate that link! Literally the most riveting two minutes of my day.
@Poteet: A little Buster Keaton is the cream in your coffee. A little Buster Keaton in the salt in your stew.
@172 Ukulele Ike:
Buster Keaton once said…
BG&SS: I love how there’s six names in the first panel, but not one for the inexplicably-talking baby who hasn’t been in a published comic for 80 years. You’re just supposed to know him on sight, obviously!
GA: The kids should also get a good look at the Moon while they can, because come December 1 it will also be invisible from Earth. Which is the relevant perspective here if, you know, talking to the audience at home…and honestly it would be hard to blame it given who’s come along.
9CL – Today, they are apparently hanging out down at a pool full of white water somewhere that is less than 1’ deep, allowing them to lie on the bottom and speculate some more about the damn cum shirt.
Cum shirt is at least better than the infamous cum towel, as your odds of ignorantly picking it up and wiping your face with it are minimal.
Is his “let’s set every damn scene in the water to mimimize the drawing that must be done” act getting worse? Seems every damn day is “let’s find a body of water and lounge around it while sniping at each other” day.
PIBGORN – Month four since the last update. She’s been lying on the cracked ice playing “got your nose” since last Summer.
This is a dangerous time where you are tempted to assume he’s just given up on the damn thing but then all of a sudden there is a new update that fails to advance the now long forgotten plot in any way. Pibgorn is a newlywed with a newborn child who must have wandered off somewhere, and her new Hubby the Dandy is trying to untie her legs so he can get some of that “just gave birth” poontang that is all the rage these days.
So Gil doesn’t have to deal with Teen Drama *and* gets to watch “Golden Girls” all day? Dude is living his best life, he’s never coming back and honestly good for him.