Good thing it’s not Princeton, because I’d have some harsh words
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Mary Worth, 11/23/24
Big news everyone. Huge news. Incredible news. Mary is coming down with COVID or the flu or maybe just a bad cold, who’s to say, but the point is that she’s probably going to be too sick to do even the half-assed job of cooking Thanksgiving dinner that she promised to her friends some people she knows from her apartment building. Now, the heartwarming outcome will probably that the gang will come together to do Thanksgiving themselves the best they can and gather ’round her sickbed with their improvised feast, showing Mary how much she’s loved and appreciated, but let’s get real: these are the Westons and the Camerons we’re talking about, and Wilbur and Ian will absolutely be fist-fighting at PriceCo over the last frozen turkey, destroying said turkey and an entire endcap of cans of pumpkin pie filling in the process, while Mary lies on the couch at home, coughing up blood, forgotten and untended.
Hagar the Horrible, 11/23/24
Every time we’re reminded that Hagar’s son is named “Hamlet” I am tickled anew by the thought of Hagar being the analogue of the Ghost in Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Still, the plot mechanics don’t really work — Hagar doesn’t have a brother that we know of, and as today’s strip reminds us, the intrafamilial threats he faces lie elsewhere — and frankly neither do the personalities. Hagar is a pretty happy-go-lucky guy, all things considered! Can you imagine him brooding around a castle, hounding his descendents with demands for vengeance? He’d probably just chalk up his death to “one of those things” and move onto Valhalla to see what exactly is going on there.
Flash Gordon, 11/23/24
As much as I love Flash Gordon’s current incarnation, I acknowledge that you’re never going to get a new incarnation of Flash Gordon if the people behind it aren’t a little more fascinated with old timey comics lore than is normal and healthy. This can spin terribly out of hand (see for instance basically every third Dick Tracy strip) but little bits of lore dispensed like easter eggs is all in good fun. For instance, did you know that Flash Gordon, canonically, went to Yale? That’s right. Flash Gordon, two-fisted spaceman, is an Ivy Leaguer — specifically, a Yale man. Depending on your personal prejudices, feel free to imagine that he had an Earthbound life as an irritating comp lit Marxist academic wannabe failson or a coke-addled finance bro failson before he had the good fortune to end up in space!
133 replies to “Good thing it’s not Princeton, because I’d have some harsh words”
Mary Worth Mashups: Which Missing Final Panel do you prefer?
Rex Morgan Mashup: Do you have better advice than Rex’s in the Missing Final Panel?
MW:
“While it’s fresh on my mind, I want to write a limerick about the romantic ‘encounter’ I just had with Jeff:
“The guy was obsessed with the chase
He tried hard to pick up the pace
But I showed that clown
By shutting him down:
He barely arrived at first base!”
RMMD:
“I particularly liked the Korean drama that explored the culinary preferences of The Doors.”
“Really, Mr. Lewton? — what was it called?”
” ‘Seoul Kitchen’ !”
@Baja Gaijin: I have Mary in the dead pool, so, #3 without question.
RMMD:
“It’s the strangest thing, Doc. You know how in The Picture of Dorian Gray, the portrait of the protagonist is constantly evolving? Well, if you look back at this story arc, I’ve morphed from Ernest Borgnine into Jimmy Hoffa and now Curly Joe DeRita!”
Flash Gordon:
“Now that that’s over, Flash, what exactly is it that we were we trying to communicate to one another and to the readership in today’s panels’ dialogue bubbles?”
“I have no earthly idea, Thun!”
Mary Worth: Ha, Dr. Jeff encounters every disease known to man (or, at least, known to sunny Southern California beach towns) all day long at work. Who’d have thought it would be that chaste half-kiss with his elderly girlfriend that would leave him down for the count from now through New Year’s? Forget “wearing protection” on dates — from now on, he should be masking up!
MW: I think Poteet called this. But hey, she just spent a whole evening with Dr. Jeff, serving him *food* that she had prepared with her own germ-laden hands, and leaning in to an intimate conversation about her shortcut cooking methods. He’s definitely been exposed to whatever nasty thing Mary has contracted. Even now, he could be spreading whatever it is to all the patients in his clinic, and those at Santa Royale Hospital….
Luann: Oh boy! Kip’s heretofore unknown twin brother is here to get tangled up in WACKY shenaniganz when he shows up for a Thanksgiving dinner and ends up in a tug of war between dullard Luann (let me show you my disgusting room!) and Bernice in ‘spontaneous muse’ mode! Maybe TifStefBetsDez can show up and have a catfight!
JP: And cue the car swerving to miss a hallucinating Wilbur and plows both of them into the nearest wall… Please?
Phantom: Welp, that certainly was easy! Seriously though, how much you want to bet this wasn’t the planned ending and the writing and artist were on the recieving end of some ‘friendly advice’ from the syndicate that if they valued their livelihoods they would stop taking ham-handed potshots at one of the most powerful people on the planet?
Flash Gordon:
“I’m glad we handled that situation, Flash! — for a while there, I thought that I was chasing my tail. So to speak.”
MW: Moy approaches Dawn with a proposal to knock off Mary and have her take over the strip to appeal to a younger audience. “Okay.” She replies. “As long as I don’t have to fuck Dr. Jeff.”
Flash Gordon:
“Your college mascot was a bulldog, Flash? — where’d you go? Yale? Georgia? Butler? Drake? Gonzaga?”
“Nah, Southwestern Oklahoma State University, in Weatherford.”
MW: Looks like Mary’s about to have some serious regrets about always rejecting Jeff’s marriage proposals while refusing to explain. “Gee, Mary, I’d love to come help care for your life-threatening illness with my decades of medical experience, but that’s really more of a wife or fiancee thing. I’ll send you a card, though. Good luck!”
FG: “These birds are scavengers, not hunters. Please disregard the fact that we are not carrion and they just tried to kill and eat us. Also, they didn’t attack the ship, even though we know they ate our men by ripping it open and devouring them. Totally different from an attack. In fact, no one attacked the ship, because it was sabotaged, which is also totally different from an attack, somehow, maybe. Hey, can someone else talk for a while? I think I might be really bad at this semantic stuff.”
MW – Rockin’ Pneumonia and the Boogie Woogie Flu, perhaps….
HtH – It irritates her Crone’s Disease….
FG – Huh – Flash was a Radcliffe Bulldog – who knew….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
@Hibbleton: isn’t Dr Jeff the only male employee at the hospital Dawn hasn’t dated?
MW: Meanwhile, Jeff, Ed, Estelle, Wilbur, Dawn, Saul, Eve, Sheila See, and Tim Walz all come down with the same symptoms. With seven of them filling up the ICU, and the others are placed in the isolation ward. Shortly thereafter, Priceco announces a recall of their signature trays.
Beatup Bailey: ….and Super Chicken arrives in time to save Sarge, Beatup, and the Jeep. Unfortunately Sarge ate all his.Secret Sauce.
Apparently Flash is canonically a polo player, which settles the question of which obnoxious Ivy League stereotype he was. The movie made him more relatable by turning him into a quarterback, which you might think stretched credibility by having an Ivy League jock become a starter in the NFL,* but it was for the Jets.
*yes blah blah Ryan Fitzpatrick
FC: Jeffy still manages a knot in his velcro.
@Dennis Jimenez: FG – Huh – Flash was a Radcliffe Bulldog – who knew….
______________
Ironically, Flash didn’t, he’s still blanking out his mind to help himself to the Lion Queen’s sense patterns.
CS: After five days of self-indulgent babbling and zero shadowing, this shadowing story is now over and Emily got an A+ despite completely failing to do her assignment. I had subterranean expectations for this story and Tom Batiuk still managed to tunnel under them.
Luann: Giddy Dialysis Nurse is supposed to be an obviously sexy hunk? If you’re into scrawny dweebs with sloppy hair, sure, but for those of us who aren’t 9 Chickweed Lane characters, this is a bit perplexing.
DT: Yes, Costello, we know the clock tower is going to be the scene of the arbitrary climactic showdown. We heard you the first ten times. You can stop now.
RMMD: Merle Lewton was the closest thing this soap had to a final remaining fun character who could kick off a storyline about how chemtrails are making him sick or 5G towers are turning his dog queer or whatever. Now he’s just one more boring old man whose medical problem is mild grogginess from watching too much TV. Lame. The next story is probably going to be about Rene Belluso marrying Nancy the Bully and settling down as a suburban couple who enjoy eating diner food and listening to roots country.
Hagar’s mother-in-law is a witch, right? Just trying to get the lore straight, so I know if her nose is a penis because another witch cursed her, or if that’s something she did to herself for her “me time”.
MW: Mary hands Ian a martini sans pearl onion. “Why I never! Let’s go, Toby.”
“
MW: Toby has already said outright, “I can’t cook,” and as for the rest of them, well, pfft. It’s saltines and water for Thanksgiving, and Mary will be lucky if someone tosses her a cough drop.
JP: Getta Room!
MW:
“Maybe I developed an allergic reaction from contact with Jeff’s skin bracer during our brief osculatory encounter, and I got Mennen-gitis!”
CS: And Blonde Girl is able to quickly escape a Batty story line unscathed and unscarred. Except for the nightmares about the arm. They’re horrible.
JP: In a nearby apartment, someone opens a window and blasts, “Why Don’t We Do It in the Road?”
Frazz: “What do you mean I didn’t learn a thing about Caulfield? Don’t you listen to anything I say? I already know he’s an asshole. I merely provided further proof.”
Why am I not surprised to see Mary using a cookbook from the 1930’s? “Oh, good, my silphium and garum stocks are still in good shape. Those would have been a lot harder to replenish than pearl onions.”
FC-Three, four. Jeffy’s coming for you.
MW-“I can’t get sick. I’m the Mary Worth. I make others sick.”
MW: here’s hoping the entire Ed and Estelle wedding party is sick.
Don Abundio, translated:
“How long have you been sitting like that, boss?”
“Oh, a couple of hours”
“I thought you said you were going for a swim”
“Yeah, but I changed my mind”
“I don’t want to wash off the rest of my tan”
DT: I’m pretty sure that Costello thinks they key point we should be remembering here is that the building inspector told Dick the clock tower was “structurally sound. Clock machinery’s a mess, though.” And if it’s structurally sound, what possible legitimate reason could there be for limiting access to a space filled with giant rusting cogwheels and counterweights?
GT: Boy, this strip with father and son driving home from a game where they were on opposite sides in silence before Coach Luke just says “I didn’t see that coming” would be a masterclass in telling a story through facial expressions if it had actually made any attempt to do so.
JP: And the moral is that if you want a girl to kiss you, you have to pretend to accept that she isn’t looking for romance right now convincingly. Well, Crankshaft dragged me back in, so I guess that leaves a space in my “I just can’t any more” list…
Phantom: Fun challenge: explain how Stripey’s presence affected the outcome of this “adventure” in any way.
Pluggers: I had to check that this wasn’t the same contributor as yesterday, but nope. Both called Mike, though. If you know a Plugger named Mike, probably best to put a lock on your tool box.
@matt w: “Apparently Flash is canonically a polo player….”
The Gordons came over on the Mayflower, yo. In 1934, obnoxious WASPS were always the heroes. Alex Raymond read a lot of Madison Grant.
@Scott Christian Simmons:
“I was going to get something from Ina‘s much more recent cookbook, but the recipes in there are kind of Garten variety!”
Luann’s getting moist by meeting Phil McCracken.
MW: As “heartwarming” (for certain values of the term) it would be for Mary’s neighbors to step up when she falls ill, remember that a) everyone just assumes that she’ll do all the cooking and hasn’t volunteered to bring so much as a pie or an hors d’oeuvres tray and b) this is Mary Worth, where any woman prioritizing her own needs is subject to shame and Wilbur-centric nightmares. More likely Mary will refuse to complain or admit something’s wrong until she collapses while presenting the turkey, spilling the artfully plated bird all over the floor. Everyone will insist that she should have said something, that they would have helped, really, if only they knew how much they were putting on her! (Everyone except Wilbur, who will be gorging himself on floor turkey.)
HtH: However, I would totally buy that Hagar’s mother-in-law is one of the Weird Sisters from “Macbeth.”
Josh Josh Josh – wasn’t Mary kissing Dr. Jeff mere days ago on the lips?
This thing is gonna sweep through Santa Royale like wildfire.
Dare we use the words: Typhoid Mary?
MW Well, it’s not the way I would have predicted they ended this strip, but statistically probably the most likely for a woman her age. Anyhow, farewell to Mary Worth, and I look forward to The Wacky Adventures of Wilbur Weston.
C’shaft: “Well, gee, I thought ‘the lede’ (not ‘lead,’ you pretentious hack) was that I had found in you a source of inspiration and motivation, so much so that I was considering following in your footsteps. But you don’t give a damn about that, so I’m falling back on my original plan of becoming a business major. Enjoy your dying industry, asshole.”
DT: A princess kidnapped at infancy would be an interesting change of pace for this strip…
Dustin: Who carries cash these days, especially among the Gen-Z crowd? Hell, the Divalings have their own kid-friendly debit cards. Does Dustin plan on taking his date to a strip club and need some singles? (You know, that is the sort of thing he’d do.)
JP: I see Sophie has invested in that color illusion dress, showing that she’s up on the hottest trends of 2015.
Luann: Finally, Luann has found her true purpose: obsessing over men!
Phantom: *script produced by ChatGPT
MW- hopefully something that Jeff brought back from his many trips to Vietnam so it’ll be hard to diagnose.
But the whole scenario is just an ad for Priceco, as they have “Full Thanksgiving dinners at reasonable prices”
CRANKSHAFT: This story is giving the comic LEAD poisoning (Tee hee, it’s funny because ace journalist Skip Rawlings, the bestest reporter and editor ever doesn’t really know what “Burying the LEDE” means.)
MW: frankly I’m not looking forward to a week of Mary calling Ralph on the big white telephone.
Since Hagar the Horrible pre-dates Shakespeare by a few centuries, I’m guessing that Hagar has the ability to travel forward in time to check out cool names. For his daughter Honi, I like to think he landed in 1968 and heard a Bobby Goldsboro song that checked some boxes for him. Specifically, death.
MW: The Case of the Contagious Cook
“Hello, Beautiful!” Paul Drake exclaimed as he came through the inner office door.
Della Street looked up from where she was perched on the corner of Perry Mason’s desk. “Good morning, Paul,” she said, smiling warmly. “Coffee?”
“No, thanks, Della. I’m a little on the…delicate side this morning.”
“Oh?”
“I had leftovers for dinner, and they’re just not sitting right.” Paul sat down on the sofa and sighed. “It looked okay, but I’m afraid my friend Jeff kept them out of the refrigerator a little longer than he should have. My mistake.”
“Shouldn’t you be home, then?” Della inquired solicitously.
“Nah, I’ll be okay. Anyway, Perry needed me to do some work today. Something about a doctor being accused of poisoning patients at Santa Royale Hospital. What’s the story?”
“Oh, that!” Della frowned. “You know, I have an aunt who’s a patient there right now, and I have to admit, I’m a little worried. She seemed to be ready for discharge but had a sudden, unexplained relapse. And she’s not the only one, it seems. The cases are all occurring on a particular wing, but so far, they don’t know the source, or whether it’s a doctor, nurse–who knows, it could even be a candy striper!”
Just then, Perry entered the office and placed his briefcase on the desk. Della started to smile at him, until she saw the serious expression on his face. “What is it, Perry?’
“Della, I’m afraid I have some bad news for you. Your aunt….”
Della straightened in alarm. “Aunt Minnie?”
“She died this morning, Della. I’m sorry.” Perry shot a significant glance at Paul. “We’ll have to do some fast work, Paul. Two other patients at Santa Royale also died overnight. From the reported symptoms, it seems they all took an unexpected but similar turn for the worse, even though they were hospitalized for different reasons to begin with. And Lt. Tragg tells me at least four other patients are in the same situation.”
Della, a stricken look on her face, blurted out, “Aunt Minnie is dead? What caused it, Perry?”
“Some sort of splak. We don’t know where it came from, only that it made its way into the hospital. One minute, the patients were seemingly fine, and the next they were doubled over in–”
Della gasped as Paul Drake suddenly collapsed onto the floor, himself gasping out, “The…splak!”
FG: Given our society’s obsession with “winners”, I am guessing the new Flash is a member of the 2-time national champion Georgia Bulldogs football team.
Why isn’t Flash playing in the NFL?
In keeping with team tradition, there was that little incident where Flash drove his Hummer through a school playground. At recess.
You say that like it’s a bad thing.
On the lead/lede thing, I actually liked that Skip/Batty used “lead” whether either knows the difference.
I’ve always found “lead” (long e) to be fine since it means leading. Maybe lede is a derivation of that, and it has the advantage of not being mistaken for lead (soft e).
I’ve found lede to be a bit jargony, like it’s a way for people in journalism to show that they’re in the know with this stuff.
So, even though Crankshaft was typically stupid, I was pro-spelling on this one.
And is it definite that Batiuk is winding this down and retiring it at the end of the year? I really enjoyed Crankshaft 30+ plus years ago. I suppose it’s hard to continue the same theme of a cranky old man and it gets off into directions that aren’t as good after a long time. I did like the early hyperbole (Ed going up Turtle Hill in his bus) similar to some of the hyperbole from the good days of Funky.
Unlike Crankshaft, which went into a gradual decline, Batty ruined Funky when he did a radical time jump. But the original Funky was really good.
MW: Meanwhile across town, Dr. Jeff smiles. “The virus should be working by now. Good. You’ve sullied my manhood the last time Mary.”
Fifty years ago today, newspapers were telling the story of the daring, partially-bungled Purlator heist! Meanwhile in Gasoline Alley Rufus and Joel were breaking into someone’s shed.
MW: Oh Josh, we can only hope…
MW: who holds Mary’s hair while she’s poised over the toilet?
That thing you’re coming down with, Mary – it’s called food poisoning. Everyone who was at the wedding has it.
@Baja Gaijin:
Wary Morth:
Either Weirdly or the Grim Reaper, either is fine.
Wrecks Moregone:
Are you seriously suggesting we watch what’s his name’s hand at it?
(Raising one eyebrow, tentatively moving the funny pages/reality gap pointer up to 2020, but keeping my hand on it)
MW: let me tell you a story about Mary and the Technicolor Yawn.
@4 Charterstoned: I definitely hit one out of the ballpark for you!
@54 Ukranazi Stepan: on Wrecks: You know that would never happen–it’s always “tell, not show.”
MW:
“I’ll bet it was some food I fixed for myself. Now I know what the readership here means when it says: ‘Mary Worth makes me sick!’ “
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: I’ve always found “lead” (long e) to be fine since it means leading. Maybe lede is a derivation of that, and it has the advantage of not being mistaken for lead (soft e).
I’ve found lede to be a bit jargony, like it’s a way for people in journalism to show that they’re in the know with this stuff.
Ooh, etymology; one of my favourite things to nerd out about! Time for some research!
Okay, according to Merriam-Webster, you’re exactly right about why it was created; to avoid confusion between “lead”, the metal, and “leading” story, especially when newsrooms actually did use hot lead. It’s also more recent than I expected, originating in the sixties or seventies (M-W says the seventies, Etymology Online says 1965, but neither actually gives a source) and mostly staying in journo slang until this century. At which time newsrooms aren’t using hot lead, and one article quoted by M-W suggests its continued use is down to misplaced and inaccurate nostalgia.
Which makes it all the more surprising that Tom Batiuk didn’t use it.
Hi and Lois: It is late November, so why is Thirsty still lounging outside in his comically overgrown mess of a yard and also why is he set up directly next to the fence? That deck chair he is laying in appears to be made of solid wood and has to be extremely uncomfortable.
Dennis the Menace: The Wilson’s need to follow all the hottest sex trends just to make certain that nothing they do themselves is in any way similar. Martha is reassuring George that absolutely nobody will ever mistake their bedroom activities as being “all the rage”
@Daisy:
Now, would you rather have that, or would you rather have the Gasoline Alley girls’ spacecraft swallowed whole by the swirling gases and liquids of Saturn’s surface? — kind of a push, don’t you think?
@Garrison Skunk: Beatup Bailey: ….and Super Chicken arrives in time to save Sarge, Beatup, and the Jeep. Unfortunately Sarge ate all his.Secret Sauce.
Super Sauce. Please. Some of us here are older than dirt, but the dementia works backwards and hasn’t erased that era of memories yet.
RMMD – Check out Rex taking on the sedentary lifestyle lobby!
MW: No version of Joy of Cooking was ever shaped like that, as far as my Google Image Search can determine. Looks more like a first edition of To Serve Man with the cover photoshopped.
MW, SF:. So Thanksgiving dinner looks difficult and impressive to guests but in fact is the easiest dinner to cook. Hardest challenge is getting feuding family to hold polite conversation. And, per 6CX, it all can just be ordered out.
@Just John: Hell, I can sing the whole damn theme song — you knew the job was dangerous when you took it, John. Now, where are the keys to the Thunderbolt Grease-Slapper?
GT: If Coach didn’t see the trick play of
tackle-eligible triple-reverse fleaflicker hook and lateral“throw to an eligible receiver wearing a number from 1-49 or 80-89” coming I don’t know how he advanced from Pop Warner.@Ukulele Ike: Hell, I can sing the whole damn theme song — you knew the job was dangerous when you took it, John. Now, where are the keys to the Thunderbolt Grease-Slapper?
Slick comment there.
FG: Thun is thinking, “Hhmm, that explains why whenever Flash has a few drinks in him he starts singing that stupid Boola-Boola song.”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Luann’s getting moist by meeting Phil McCracken.
Mrs. Horney is thinking less of Luann’s empty slate and more along the lines of getting Luann’s empty slot Philled.
@Charterstoned:
#45 Two thumbs up. Dinner also.
GT: They haven’t made cars with front seats that wide since the 70s.
@Just John: Hey, so can I! I also once heard an unused demo version of the Super Chicken song that was created in the event Super Chicken had taken the lead spot in the program (instead of the show getting centered around George of the Jungle). There was one extra lyric:
When you’re in a lot of trouble,
When your house has turned to rubble,
When the bomb goes off that you hear tickin’! (bok bok bok bok!)
Don’t just stand around and wait,
Don’t stop, don’t think, don’t hesitate,
Just ca-a-l-l-l-l for Super Chicken!
@Guillermo el chiclero: That reminds me of a tasteless joke…oh wait…that was boinga-boinga. Then it’s death…by BOINGA-BOINGA!
MW-Oh no! Mary’s meds are wearing off!
Rex: Your temperature is running high, Mary. Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Mary: That’s fine, Dr. Morgan, go ahead.
Rex: I’d just like to rule out an STI. Have you had any sex in the past, say, ten years?
Mary stares at Rex.
Rex stares at Mary.
Res and Mary: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!
In the corner of the room, a single tear runs down Jeff’s cheek.
CS: Batty ending his week of celebrating journalism by writing “lead” instead of “lede” may not matter to the general public, but it probably cost him another Pulitzer.
Pluggers: If you go to Petsmart to have your toenails clipped, you may be a plugger.
BB: Darryl shops at KostKlub, right across the street from Priceco.
Dustin: “I don’t know. When have you ever not been a complete b*tch?”
MW – definitely Kennel Cough
Mary Worth – I don’t think she has COVID, because she would have to isolate. She has to be among the guests so they can praise her. This will be a first – the others will do the cooking, but Mary will get all the praise. “This rotisserie chicken just isn’t as good as your rotisserie chicken, Mary.” “I’m so disappointed! I was looking forward to your muffin casserole.” “I would have seconds on this Splak if Mary made it.”
FC – In the original, the shoes most likely had snaps.
He should use some Velcro to attach his head to his backwards shoulders. His head looks like it’s going to float away.
Rex Morgan – Have you considered stand-up comedy or becoming a roots country musician?
Rhymes With Orange – Since he has a learner’s permit, he’d have to have a licensed agent with him all the time, not just after dark.
Crankshaft – Skip and Interchangeable Blonde Girl could give Frazz and Caulfield smugness lessons.
Lockhorns – She got the recipe for that glop from Mary Worth.
Pluggers – I can’t decide if the point is “Pluggers can’t bend over to cut their toenails” or “Pluggers have such gross toenails that they need industrial strength tools to cut them.” Yeah, it’s both. In any case, I don’t want to see any mention of pluggers’ toenails ever again.
@Charterstoned: Thank you for remembering my post! I’m touched! And thank you for pointing out that Mary may have infected Jeff, which is a marvelous possibility.
And I see that the Mary/Jeff kiss has been mentioned in other comments, and if anyone happens to read this comment and has not seen the kiss, my advice is to not look it up.
@some guy: COTW!
@Tabby Lavalamp: Bwahahaha!
And in an adjacent exam room with thin walls, June smiles grimly.
@Charterstoned:
Charterstoned, you magnificent bastard, you brought back Perry and the gang! Thank you!!!
Hagar the Horrible-If Hagar was really horrible his mother-in-law’s head would have been at the end of a pike years ago.
Flash Gordon-“Flash Gordon! New York Jets!”
FG: I’m very willing to accept that in this fantasy universe, ginormous attacking birds of prey are killed by *stares* diverse humanoids. As someone unfamiliar with FG, however, I wonder if the birds are attacking because of the really awful name they have been given. I could not blame them if so.
@The Quiet Man:
PHANTOM:. Entirely agree, QM. There is too much good humor, social commentary, and politics left lying on the table. (I was especially hoping for more information non-Branson eye candy). Thinking about it, all three men are willing public figures, fair play for parody. Hope the author explains on his blog.
HtH: I realize that when noses are portrayed in comic strips, they are sometimes portrayed in gross ways. However, I cannot even tell what specific gross thing is going on with the nose of Hagar’s MIL, which makes it far worse than the usual dripping snot or purple enlargement. What is wrong with her nose? Is it worms? Is it leprosy? Arrrrrrrgh.
@Baja Gaijin:
@4 Charterstoned: I definitely hit one out of the ballpark for you!
Or, as Henry Barajas would put it, you definitely rounded a four-tripper!
@Charterstoned: Fabulous.
Candorville – This exact dialogue is going to be taking place between Mary and Toby next week.
MW: I’m unfamiliar with the symptoms of morning sickness after immaculate conception, but I suspect Mary will deliver a glorious surprise unto us in about a month.
these are the Westons and the Camerons we’re talking about
One could do worse than salad, pulled pork sandwiches, fish sticks and Scotch eggs (we hope) or haggis (more likely).
(After Mary catches Covid)
Wilbur bursts into her apartment “MARY!!! My girlfriend Missy broke up with me!! I need a hug!”
“Wilbur I can’t really at the moment, I’m…”
“HUG ME MARY!!!”
(Mary hugs Wilbur and Wilbur contracts Covid, and dies from it. The End.)
Mary Worth – Mary will be the sacrificial colonizer used to appease the restless Great Spirit of the native population for all the smallpox Europeans brought over. Her meddling ways made the selection uncontroversial.
Hagar the Horrible – Missed a chance to call his mother-in-law’s long-winded rant about his shortcomings a “saga”
Flash Gordon – Too bad Flash Gordon isn’t a relevant IP currently, because there would be humorous chance to parody it with various types – HBCU version of Flash Gordon, Community College Flash Gordon, Football obsessed state university Flash Gordon, etc.
Luann’s career aspirations:
Marry a
Doctor of NephrologyNephrology PADialysis TechNursing home orderly.
LUANN: When I’m lying on my deathbed regretting wasted time, this week of LUANN will be one reason why.
@The Quiet Man: N.K. Jemison planned a trilogy comprising The City We Became, The World We Make, and a third book she could not write because reality had stolen her plot line for itself.
This abrupt ending to this Phantom story line puts me in mind of that.
Lockhorns-“I don’t know what’s drier this food or our jokes.”
MW: I dare Karen Moy to have Mary abandon PriceCo and start shopping at a competitor (at least in certain regions, if not SoCal, but hey artistic license): BJ’s.
Mary must have an older copy of Joy of Cooking. I don’t recall any recipes for Splak Muffins or Orange Blobs in my edition.
@32 Horace Broon: on Gil Thorp: What happened in the car? Did the son rip a massive rotten fart with the windows closed?
@59 UncleJeffers: Thirsty is completely and thoroughly drunk. Temperature and pressure sensation were lost a couple cases of beer ago.
@64 Activist: on Sally Forth: If I’m not mistake, Ronan and Ted-Mom fixed the dinner mistakes, and probably will fix the future culinary mistakes too.
Technically the father of the Shakespearean Hamlet was also called Hamlet, so at the very least Hagar’s son is the one who’ll get his ear dripped into (giving a new meaning to “lend me your ear”! Wrong play) and it’s Hagar’s grandson who’ll spend 4 hours not doing anything while causing nothing but grief and suffering to everyone around him.
@87 Poteet: Shroduck above said it best: “…her nose is a penis because another witch cursed her…”
@88 Cleveland Mocks: I’ll trust you; I gave up on Gil Thorp ages ago.
@95 richardf8: Luann’s career aspiration: Able to open a door without instructions.
@101 Anonymoose: Any self-respecting book named “Joy of Cooking” would have run away from Mary Worth’s kitchen within minutes of its placement in her kitchen.
@Horace Broon: #32
“Phantom: Fun challenge: explain how Stripey’s presence affected the outcome of this “adventure” in any way.”
I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW!!! IT HASN’T!!! This whole silly story has just been a cover for Manley (or DePaul?) to rant about Elon Musk and his world-devouring greed. Do I get a gold star for the right answer???
@Bob Tice: #61
Oh what an impossible choice! My sympathies are with the cute little girls of GA of course, but I wouldn’t mind seeing all of Charterstone blasted into space once and for all…and when they drift past Saturn, Jeff can snark to Mary “Well, my dear, don’t ever say I didn’t get you a ring!”
@Poteet Y144: Perhaps I came on a little strong. If so, I apologize.
@Dr. Pill: Nonsense, you did nothing wrong whatsoever. You are/were a Copy Editor! Thank you for your good mission and work. Seriously. *bows*
How many people will be mad at me if I say I wouldn’t mind if the titular Mary Worth from Mary Worth died?
What if she took Wilbur with her, would that change the numbers?
@Daisy: What a kind heart you have, calling them “cute little girls.”
I’m noting that Mary’s wearing the same lavender blouse and gold earrings she wore on her date with Jeff, so this probably takes place shortly after they pecked goodnight. Awfully fast for Jeff to have passed a disease onto her. My money’s on he poisoned her food. He is somewhere looking at his watch, thinking, “It should be kicking in now. You’re welcome, Santa Royale.”
@110 Jeffmcm: Did you happen to see the mashups in comment #1? Your wish may be granted.
FG: Once the Lion Men remember that the bulldog stands for Yale Flash will be either exiled or imprisoned. They’re all fierce—and I do mean fierce—supporters of the Crimson, don’t you know.
MW: If Sunday is just Mary projectile vomiting I’ll consider us all blessed.
Don’t Flash Gordon: “This was Sabotage!” “ANOTHER lioness hooker?!? How do you lion guys get anything done?” “Well, we have our PRIDE….” “So, where is Miss Tage, and does she give a discount to Yale Men?”
9CL: Damn, I’ve had The Fabulous Baker Boys repeat on me before but it’s especially dyspeptic this time.
C-Shaft: The two of them spent a couple of hours in a room trading bad puns. Does the word “shadowing” not mean anything anymore?
DT: Struck by the appearance of a construction worker named “Chauncey” and another with the only slightly more probable “Edgar”, I looked it up and found that it was a Rocky and Bullwinkle reference. Holding out hope that this means the tower holds some kind of hideous moose minotaur.
Phantom: DePaul realizes that this storyline is kaput so he’s moving onto something else. It’s an early Decemberween miracle.
RMMD: “It’s funny, I actually picked up a little Korean during the war, so it takes me back.”
“Mr. Lewton, you’re not nearly old enough to have fought in Korea.”
“Really? I remember playing pranks on Hot Lips so clearly!”
Shoe: Treetops is pretty much just what it sounds like. So an ice rink? My disbelief isn’t the only thing that will have trouble staying suspended.
Mary Worth discovers the apples in her turnovers had samenella…..Sunday’s dubious quote: “One bad apple don’t spoil the bunch, girl” —- Donny Osmond.
@Maude R. Fawker: start shopping at a competitor (at least in certain regions, if not SoCal, but hey artistic license): BJ’s.
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Do they give a discount to Yale men?
@Poteet: @Daisy: What a kind heart you have, calling them “cute little girls.”
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Well, the Garbage Pail Kids still have a right to work, even if their card series got canceled.
@Garrison Skunk: Do they give a discount to Yale men?
“A hundred dollars, same as at Princeton.”
MW – “I’ll need to get more pearl onions… UGH, they’re so gross. Like biting down on an eyeball.”
@jroggs: Re Luann: My first read was that Luann just wanted to make sure that Mrs. Horner was prepared for any medical emergency that might arise. Feel rather silly about that one in retrospect.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Shoe: Treetops is pretty much just what it sounds like. So an ice rink? My disbelief isn’t the only thing that will have trouble staying suspended.
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It’s A rinkydink rink. A dog water bowl marked Rink Dink Dink. Freezes up in the winter. Belongs to some German Shepherd who fought in the war and saved Hollywood. Peggy Flamingo often skates there.
@jenna: I’m noting that Mary’s wearing the same lavender blouse and gold earrings
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I believe Mary got those earrings after her tenure as a Solid Gold Dancer in the 70s. Adrian Zmed, himself, presented them to her.
Sunday’s Mary Worth if you want it or not.
@Baja Gaijin: Your wish may be granted.
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Just lightly rub Baja’s lamp and all your non ESClown wishes will be yours!
@Sequitur: Sunday’s Mary Worth if you want it or not.
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Mary’s regretting Dr Jeffy’s insisting on her having a nose installed.
MW: morning sickness
Thanks everybody, glad I could ruin your weekend with that idea!
@129 ustSomeGuy:
Menopause ain’t what it used to be.
@125 Sequitur: Welcome back!
MW: Better call Dr. Jeff if that temp gets above 80 degrees.
Phantom: Whatever happened to old Lothar, anyway? Is that him wiping the bar at the Skull ‘n’ Bones Pub, or whatever it is, which appears to be located within a stone’s throw of St. Paul’s? Quite a collection of dicey looking characters within, probably based on the artist’s family and personal friends.
@Jeffmcm: “How many people will be mad at me if I say I wouldn’t mind if the titular Mary Worth from Mary Worth died?”
Oh, the Mary Worth we have now isn’t the titular Mary Worth. She’s got to be at least the third generation.