One-panels and more
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The Lockhorns, 2/12/25
Inexpensive compared to what, Leroy? Eating at a “nice” restaurant? It still is! Eating at home? It never was! No, you’ve just decided to make Loretta feel bad because she begged to go out to eat somewhere, anywhere for once. Isn’t it cruel enough that you’re forcing her to split a single order of fries with you? Why can’t you be more like the guy in the background, who sincerely appreciates all the fast food industry’s deep bench of food scientists have done in terms of creating meal-like experiences suffused with the proper combinations of chemicals to activate the exact same part of your brain that reacts to cocaine?
Dennis the Menace, 2/12/25
Normally I’m not a fan of the “Dennis shit-talks his mom’s cooking” strips, but I gotta admit he’s really selling it here. That’s the face a guy with a mouthful of sawdust. That’s the face a guy who hasn’t tasted anything other than sawdust in years.
Pluggers, 2/12/25
Either pluggers swap sexual partners so often they can no longer be bothered to keep track of their fuckbuddies’ names, or they’re suffering from some kind of tragic brain ailment that’s causing early onset dementia. I leave it up to you to decide which possibility is more disturbing.
Mary Worth, 2/12/25
“I am now that Jared has pointed out that ‘Dirk’ rhymes with ‘jerk’! That’s a great mnemonic to remind me that he’s a jerk! Usually I just see his pretty eyes and beefy forearms and forget.”
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 2/12/25
Ha ha, it’s funny because everyone in town knows that Snuffy is a financial, legal, and emotional burden on all of his loved ones!
144 replies to “One-panels and more”
MW:
Unless Dirk breaks his stride, he’s going to step right into the GMC Generica that’s parked exactly one foot from the bowling alley entrance. Then his foot is going to hurt even more.
MW:
“Yeah! Borderline Personality the Antisocial Modality!”
“Huh?”
Pluggers: I would think Fido and Rover would be more suitable pet names, considering that they are dogs. Let’s be real.
@Bob Tice:
And in a handicapped spot.
MW – Dirk’s exaggerated flouncing is the funniest thing I’ve seen in this strip in a long time. Oh, the big bad bully who yells at girls got his feewings hurt? Who’s the big drama queen, Dirk? You are, you are!
DtM: Look at that plastic bottle of “Parmesan” on the table. The undersized Cammorista Dennis la Minaccia has been provoked by the awful cooking of his white bread amerigan “foster parents” into dropping the pretense that he’s a small child. Only freshly grated Parmigiano Reggiano will do, he can’t stand it anymore.
MW: Dirk’s broken foot is going to hurt like hell when the rage induced adrenaline spike subsides.
No Dennis, that’s not sawdust that’s Grana Padano. But it’s a distinction without difference
DtM: Dennis hasn’t actually tasted the cheese yet. He’s jumping on the China-hate bandwagon on Alice’s bargain parmesan.
Menace factor: Derivative.
DTM: Wow, huge slam on Alice’s parmesan. Presumably she’ll be so disappointed to know that her time spent raising a herd of grass-fed cows, forming it into wheels with sea salt, and then aging it for two years in a temperature controlled cavern was all for nothing. Or maybe IT’S LITERALLY JUST PARMESAN FROM THE SUPERMARKET, SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE BUYS, WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR DEAL, DENNIS?
BGSS: I object to the length of that sentence, on the grounds that that is entirely too many hillbillyisms for one speech bubble.
In age, hair, and clothing, the Pluggers couple looks more like GenXers than Boomers or Silents. You called it, Josh – the torch has been passed to a new generation of sour, cynical Kids Today grumps. Hey millennials and GenZers, fight back at all costs, or someday you too will pretend that you’re being persecuted by social changes.
Pluggers: It’s hard to match the name to the face when you only do it doggy style.
MW: am I the only one who doesn’t believe this storyline is finished?
MW: I can’t look at the first panel without the words “jerk” and “off” jumping out at me. To me, he will always be “Dirk the Jerk-Off.”
MW: In a twist, Dirk shows up at Mary’s
“It happened again, Mary (sob).”
“I told you, son. Don’t let her incompetence get to you.”
MW: If ever there was evidence that Moy reads this site, it’s “Dirk the Jerk”
Pluggers: This is a refreshing change. Not only is this plugger couple the same species but they’re also the same breed of dog.
Pluggers: I think this is the first time the nebbish, Wally Cox dogman has gotten to play the lead plugger. He’s usually some high school kid working a low paying service job waiting on one of the regular pluggers.
Twenty years ago, Mary Worth was much more episodic, so if they had wanted to make a storyline about abusive boyfriends, they would have introduced new characters to play the role of abuser and victim. Now Mary Worth is more Golden age TV, so they rely much more on “fan-favourite” characters, such as Dawn, to play the role of the victim. Except it makes no sense, because there hasn’t been enough time for Dawn to become an desensitised abuse victim and they had to tweak her personality to fit the square peg in the round hole. Bring back the cavalcade of weirdos for each new storyline, Mary like Baal demands fresh blood!
Leroy’s salary has not managed to keep up with inflation. I guess he should spend more time on the grind at work rather than grinding his wife’s soul at home!
DtM: Henry: “Shut up and pass the (squints) Zou Du.”
How do we know Pluggers switched from Boomers to Gen-X? They have the same Boomer jokes about husbands not putting any emotional investment into the relationship, but now even woman can play that role! Girl power!
MW: I think Dirk needs to include the occasional leg day in his workout regimen.
L’horns: Could be worse, Leroy. If Loretta hadn’t left her mouth at home, it would cost twice as much.
MW: Say what you will about Dirk but not many men can manage such a manly sashay out of the place after having a bowling ball fall on their foot.
Pluggers’ name should not be hard to remember! “Honey” is for the Bear Plugger, “Bob” for the Bobcat Plugger, “Bill” for the Duck Plugger, “Sweetie” for the Type 2 diabetes Plugger
Dirk’s power-flounce falls somewhere between Prancercize and Christopher Moltisanti rushing into The Bing when he knows some hot gossip.
Mary Worth: “I’m okay now! I can treasure the good part about Dirk without having to put up with his bad side! I’m talking about his ass, in case that wasn’t clear! Look at it! It’s such a cute little puppy butt! The crippling emotional abuse, I can do without.”
Wary Morth:
Oh, look, Jaredsdater Hasnotastelady can talk!
Cockroach Bailey:
Why would Halftrack want bling?
Hooted Hollering:
Smif is correct. A sentence that short would be a hardship to his family. They need a much longer holiday from him that that!
Dennis the Menace: Joke’s on Dennis, he’s gone too far this time, as evidenced by his parents bending their forks near in half. You’re about to be wearing stainless steel with a 45° angle, kid!
Luann:
“If she has no cake, let her eat bread.” – TJ Antoinette.
In the Barney Googleverse the notion of non-carceral solutions is laughable! Snuffy and his family are basically a walking argument for forced sterilisation to reduce the criminal and indolent stock!
Wary Morth:
Why is the first panel making me imagine a soundtrack of Deep Purple’s “Smoke On The Water”?
Pluggers: Oh yeah, I’ve seen this too many times. That’s definitely chronic traumatic encephalopathy brought on by excessive games of “fetch.” It’s sad, really, such a preventable condition.
Lhorns: What’s more probable: that Leroy and Loretta are sharing a drink and fries with their burger to reduce costs or that Leroy has ordered two burgers with sides that he plans to eat himself while complaining about fast-food prices to his hungry wife?
DtM: Are you sure that’s dinner? It looks like you’re eating off of teacup saucers.
Pluggers use pet names because…they’re pets. Literally.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith is not where I’d ordinarily turn for a realistic depiction of the cruelty of the American justice system, and yet here we are. Looking forward to tomorrow’s episode exploring heavy fines and frequent moves between prison facilities!
Once all audio recordings from this era disappear due to the solar flare, historical linguistic researchers of the future will try to recover English pronunciation in the twenty-first century by using insights such as which words rhyme. Unfortunately, they will gain no insight from “Dirk the jerk”, because they won’t believe Jared is smart enough to develop a rhyming insult
Pluggers get married out of a sense of obligation to have children and perpetuate America*, not for any of that namby-pampy hippy woke “love” nonsense!
*Or France or South Korea or Luxembourg, but pluggers seem very American to this Canadian.
@Bob Tice: Dirk’s his own man! Nobody’s going to break his stride. Nobody’s going to slow him down! Oh no! He’s got to keep on moving!
Snuffy Smith: While in the flatland imposing a long sentence is often imposing a terrible burden on the offender’s family, in Hootin Holler it’s actually the way to relax the penalties placed on the unit by whisking away the major time and money-suck for an extended period, long enough to give them a chance to catch up. Here’s hoping by the time Snuffy returns Tater will have graduated university and the Smif residence is now his tax shelter.
MW: And Dirk storms out the . . . back door!
CS: What? No “What was your first clue, Columbo?” smack?
RMMD: Well, Pete looks like he absolutely loves his job.
GT: Rodney and his posse grab a front-row seat in the packed theater so they can all cringe to the cliche-infested new high-school doc, “Rodney Barnes Makes an Ass of Himself.”
Pluggers-Dude, your wife is sleeping around.
FC-Geez, Thel, who didn’t you do?
MW-“Jess, who told you you could talk?”
The Lockhorns – Fast food is a democratizing aspect of American culture, as least for people in the lower and middle classes. What was once a miracle of food science and economics, it gave everyone the taste of post-War prosperity, while conveniently providing a low wage service provider to look down on.
Now amid rising inflation the bourgeoisie class that the Lockhorns aspired and worked themselves to are feeling the same economic crunch that the minimum wage workers feel all the time. But at least the Starbucks workers offer their own class a beacon of hope, community, and a potential to take back some power and money. Leroy and Loretta, fossils of a dead American Dream, are in terminal economic decline.
Dennis the Menace – Inflation has hit the Mitchells hard, so much so they can’t even afford the cheap bland pasta sauce, have one scrawny meatball for Alice, and they are forced to buy the dollar store wood pulp parmesan cheese*.
*This definition of cheese has not been approved by the FDA, USDA, or any government agency.
Pluggers – Pluggers use pet names because they are literally pets – the descendants of animals who replaced the humans before them. While they took “names”, what they really react to is tones of voices, and an encyclopedic memory of what sounds mean food, baths, or walkies.
Mary Worth – Dawn’s words say she is fine now, but her eyes (with her non-nerd girl contacts in) still yearn for that defined back and ass. She’s inverted the usual phrase, in that she loves to see him leave, hates to watch him go.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith – Snuffy also objects to the length of the sentence he had to say in his own defense. Grammar and spelling give him flashbacks to school, where his undiagnosed learning disabilities set him up for a lifetime of criminality, starting with detention for failing so many spelling tests and essays.
Lockhorns – I just realized that reading The Lockhorns is a lot like watching a 4:3 aspect-ratio TV show incorrectly displayed at 16:9.
DTM: It’s not like he has a sensitive palate. Not just Dennis, but the whole family appears to be eating their pasta with butter and no other sauce. Presumably the parmesan cheese is coming out of the same can that they’ve owned since before Dennis was born. What’s his problem?
CS: The mayor’s DUI would be a good hook for a storyline in the one-armed-man’s local newspaper. Alternatively, one of these characters could at least refer to having seen the story there, and could recite the inevitable pun in the headline. But that’s just me, devoting more thought to this strip than Batiuk does.
Dennis – “That DOES it, young man! No more reading Craig Claiborne in the New York Times for you!”
MW – Oh! “Dirk the Jerk!” I get it now! This whole storyline has been leading up to this masterstroke of wordplay! Bravo, Karen Moy, bravo!
Dennis may be closer to truth than you think. Parmesan cheese sold pre-grated and packaged is permitted to contain up to 4% cellulose as an anti-caking agent.
The Lockhorns: Wait… is Loretta just Leroy in a dress and wig? Is there something sinister going on here — cloning? time travel? some sort of homunculus? — or is it all a metaphor for self-loathing?
One thing’s certain: It’s hard to out-lazy a long-running syndicated comic strip.
Don Abundio, translated:
“I think I’ll spend the whole day soaking in the tub”
“Any messages?”
“Your accountant needs to see you about taxes, your girlfriend is on her way over…”
“Your board of directors wants an emergency meeting, and that beatnik band said they’d drop by”
“I’m gonna need a bigger bathtub!”
Lockhorns – What restaurant gives you unwrapped burgers on your tray? They’re clearly wrapped up in the background. Maybe Leroy could save a few bucks by not opting to have his food unwrapped for him.
I am still waiting for some indication of how Dusk is going to praise Mary for this story arc. I mean, hopefully it’s over now, right? Dirk isn’t going to break through Weelbur’s door and try to choke Dusk to death, right?
Right?
MARY WORTH: Dawn: “Oh wow! Dirk struts the same awkward way when I did insulted and walked out on you, Jared! We must be destined to be together! I knew it! Dirk…wait up…!”
MARY WORTH(2) : You know…I remember watching a Tiny Toons Adventures episode where Buster and Babs Bunny “paused” a short in mid-episode to explain to the audience nature-documentary style, about how antagonist like Elmyra and other simple-minded creatures like the dinosaur had such small feeble brains that it took a lot time for signal impulses to reach the central cortex and properly respond to stimuli they were experiencing (like the extremely hot bottle Elmyra was gripping on her hand with no reaction whatsoever)
Why am I bringing this up in the context of Jess suddenly coming to the conclusion that Dirk is “a jerk” after weeks of viewing his behavior first-hand? Oh…no reason….(whistles innocently and the walks away)
RMMD: Bouncer grips Beatnik tightly as he hustles him into the back alley. He’s looking forward to the cornholing, and I’m not talking about bean bags.
DtM: Buttered noodles are a beloved staple of Central European cuisine. Alice is embracing her Luxembourgish roots.
Phantom: Hey, shouldn’t you be up at the rifle range honing your sniper/assassin skills?
DtM – This is called the either-or fallacy Dennis. There’s no reason it can’t be both:
Ingredients: Parmesan Cheese (Pasteurized Part-Skim Milk, Cheese Culture, Salt, Enzymes), Cellulose Powder Added to Prevent Caking, Potassium Sorbate to Protect Flavor.
@Tom T.:
CS: The mayor’s DUI would be a good hook for a storyline in the one-armed-man’s local newspaper. Alternatively, one of these characters could at least refer to having seen the story there, and could recite the inevitable pun in the headline. But that’s just me, devoting more thought to this strip than Batiuk does.
BOOZE CRUISE LANDS KANE IN CAN
Sot’s Shots Prompt Cop Stop
@Ukranazi Stepan:
It was easy to miss, but Mary spent all of a few seconds half-heartedly babbling something about relationships being two-way streets. For this, she will take the customary victory lap.
I think Dennis should be more upset that Alice prepared precisely one meatball for three people, and isn’t sharing. And no sauce. Frankly, she deserves the Menacing this time.
DtM – Look at Dennis, trying to take down Big Parma! Work your kraft, kid!
DtM: Demanding freshly grated Parmesan over highly processed Kraft product? Not exactly menacing, but unusually food snobbish for his age.
MW: “What a jerk!” is exactly the sort of trenchant insight I would expect from an abuse survivor describing an abuser in a Mary Worth comic.
Pluggers don’t care about anybody other than themselves.
@2+2=7: I loved it when Tiny Toons delved into the realm of cartoon physics. Like when a bunch of characters crossed a deep chasm by walking off the edge of the cliff without looking down (as it is the sight of the emptiness below that causes gravity to take effect), or explaining that Bugs and the other classic characters never aged because the laughter they inspired kept them young.
Blondie-“Oh and it looks like Herb is behind on some payments are some large guys will be making him a visit.”
Beetle Bailey-It’s funny because old people don’t know how to use computers.
@Philip: So Pluggers takes place in the Bojack Horseman-verse? (As that has anthropomorphic animal characters literally with names one would give to a pet, like “Mr. Peanut Butter” or “Meow Meow Fuzzyface”)
MW-And now Jared is hoping that Dawn will realize that he loves her and will return his feelings for her.
MW – See, that’s what happens when you try to do it on the cheap and read a bunch of self-help books instead of going to a therapist. You fail to distinguish between assertive and asshole. No doubt Dirk is going to stomp home and collapse into a blubbering heap the moment he walks through the door.
C’shaft: “No, seriously, I want to know. Do you think those ursine bastards hear the tree when it’s coming for them? I hope so. I hope they spend their last seconds on earth in helpless terror. What were we talking about again?”
DT: Ugh, this is the Dick Tracy equivalent of the week where everyone praises Mary Worth for her good advice.
Dustin: “Good, then my work here is done.”
Luann: In a more interesting strip, one that didn’t have a Hays Office-approved depiction of human relationships, TJ would be part of a polycule with Brad and Toni rather than their sexually ambiguous live-in help. I’m not saying that’s an improvement, mind you, but it would make more sense than their current arrangement.
RMMD: Oh crap, Jared from Mary Worth has broken containment!
SH: “Fuck that, Remora’s a queen and I’m a mid-level talent agent. Our economic situations and therefore our ability for philanthropic action are a little different.”
HtH: Homicidal maniac Eddie bashes in a Frenchman’s head to steal his shirt. He may be unlucky but he’s not a wimp.
FC: Jeff waits for a Wednesday to depict his least favorite fan service: Thel with enormous calves.
MW – If the bowling patrons said GASP to Dirk’s language, what will their reaction be when Jess and Dawn start doing a 69 on the lanes?
RMMD: Douchebag looks to be about 16.
Wilbur will be so disappointed, Dawn.
No, not that you broke up, but that you didn’t do it dramatically with a drunken tirade, faking your own death, and a free stay at a beach resort.
Dustin: The irony of this situation is that I’m pretty sure DustinDad has never stuck to a diet for more than a week.
MW: “Usually I just see his pretty eyes and beefy forearms and forget.”
You jest, Josh, but “he/she is hot” is the reason why a lot of people stay in objectively terrible relationships.
The Lockhorns: I guess this is The Lockhorns attempt at current events satire, but all it’s proving is that this comic should stick with what it’s good at; domestic abuse.
Mary Worth: Dirk storms outside, then drops character and jogs to a car in the parking lot, where Mary waits with a stack of cash. “That’ll put her off dating for awhile,” says Mary, as she takes heteronormative slutshaming to whole new levels; Dawn will never have sexual relations with another human being again if it can be helped.
Snuffy Smith: Snuffy cries despairingly as he’s dragged to rot away in a jail cell that he’ll escape in time for tomorrow’s comic.
@TheDiva: There was a classic Looney Tunes short, a flashback of when Bugs and Elmer were battling back when they were little kids.
At one point young Elmer walks off a cliff, looks down and doesn’t fall. Bugs is confused, saying he’s supposed to fall because of gravity.
Elmer states that he hasn’t learned gravity in school yet. So Bugs hands him a book on gravity and Elmer (still suspended in the air mind) reads the book, has a look of realization on his face before plummeting down.
@JamesBont: You forget that according to the rules of patriarchal entitlement that Dustdad lives by, his desires are the overriding factor in any situation regardless of consistency. So when Dustin is unable to hold a job it’s because
the modern workforce treats people like him as disposablehe’s lazy, but when Dustmom begs her husband to eat a goddamn vegetable for once she’s a nag infringing on Dustdad’s right to consume nothing but hamburgers and donuts.Schlockhorns – And Dollar Store Ramen noodles are buck fitty – shocking….
DtM – Actually, it’s Great Value processed cheese product. Real sawdust, I wish….
Pluggers – Of course, Plugger pronouns are impersonal – I mean properly speaking, they aren’t people….
MW – Yeah, Dirk the Jerk. Great ass, though….
BG&SS – I hope the judge doesn’t factor in the implementations of not having this millstone ‘round their necks. The inter generational continuity of Hootin’ Hollar relies upon it….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
The Lockhorns will be dismayed at the cost of DoorDash in 2027, making them more up to the minute than they’ve ever been.
BG&SS doesn’t have to remember the Great Depression, as it’s never left Hootin’ Holler. But if you’ve forgotten, sometimes cops would take people to jail for a night merely to get food and shelter.
Ergo, to ease the burden on the Smiths, the judge will release Snuffy on his own recognizance and lock the rest of his family up.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
Respect!
@Dennis Jimemez: Ha, I can buy even cheaper Ramen packages for about 75 cents. Non-instant Mr. Noodle. Actually, I found a package that was mushroom flavoured, and it was absolutely epic! But now I can’t find it anywhere.
(Edit: It wasn’t even dollar-store brand, this stuff was sold at Walmart)
Curtis: Yes Michelle is a materialistic self absorbed brat but Curtis only likes her because she is physically attractive to him. Both of them are kind of awful.
Zits: I guess it would be a better scenario that he fucks his guitar amp than one of his cousins.
Mother Goose: She’s weighing herself in kilos because she’s a drug mule and that is how you measure cocaine.
Hi and Lois: “Next question, why does that truck appear to have testicles?”
Blondie: Tootsie sounds like the name of an old-timey prostitute.
DtM: Dennis can’t taste parmesan cheese? Does Dennis have anosmia? Did Dennis lose his sense of taste and smell? Does Dennis have long Covid? Pretty grim diagnosis for a 5 year old.
Lockhorns:
“Eating at home? It never was!”
How true. When I was a kid a McDonald’s burger was 20 cents, and my parents were still too cheap to take me there.
“We got food at home!”
“For a dollar your mom can buy a pound of ground meat and a pack of buns and make eight of those things!”
“The ones at home are better!”
“Either pluggers swap sexual partners so often they can no longer be bothered to keep track of their fuckbuddies’ names, or they’re suffering from some kind of tragic brain ailment that’s causing early onset dementia.”
Why not both?
Leroy ordered the burgers unwrapped in the mistaken belief that they’d be cheaper.
Family Circus: Billy’s so infatuated by any kind of authority figure that even the cafeteria lady gets him aroused. He fantasizes about her using an ice cream scoop to serve him mashed potatoes.
The only support Snuffy provides for his family is stealing chickens, which is probably what he’s been convicted of, so it was pretty ballsy of him to ask for a commuted sentence on that basis.
Lockhorns: This doesn’t look like a Five Guys, but if it is, Leroy’s griping would be justified.
I think there have been times when some McDonald’s menu items really were the cheapest way to buy beef.
Some of their trademark menu items have been basically loss-leaders.
@Peanut Gallery: I think you are correct. The aspect ratio of this strip is just a hair less than 16 x 9. It looks much more like a typical Lockhorns resized to 4 x 3.
MW: That’s a point on the scoreboard for Jared. The panel would also have accepted Dirk the Dork or Dirk the Dick.
THE LOCKHORNS: Leroy: “I mean, we could be at home eating ‘sawdust’ on uncooked ramen, but instead we’re wasting money on grade-D processed patties like we’re kings or something.”
PLUGGERS: A Pluggers real life or a Dawn Weston plotline? You decide, audience?
MW-In real life Dirk will beat Dawn in private.
@ectojazzmage: Bruh come on! That won’t “put Dawn off from dating” for 5 minutes She’s probably saying “I am now” because she realized one of the “GASPers” has a cute ass.
Mary Worth:
“What a jerk!”
“Yeah! Dirk the Jerk!”
The large man turns around on a dime in the doorway. “I heard that, Nerd-Boy!”
Jared goes headfirst down lane 3, knocking over all ten pins to score a strike.
Dirk is absolutely the type who will powerwalk right over the top of somebody else’s car rather than admit he started striding in the wrong direction. Lord knows what he would have done if that had turned out to be a closet.
MW: “Dirk the berk” when traveling in the UK.
MW- Once Dirk is safely out of hearing distance Jared shouts “What a jerk!” When Dirk exits he adds “And Jo Momma too!” The crowd changes from Gasp to Awe.
@Cleveland Mocks: Thank you. That 69 spot was just hanging there, waiting for something inappropriate.
The way the Bob/Bill’s pants are drawn sort of looks like he’s staring at her wild eyed while presenting his erection, so maybe “ready, Sweetie?” is asking “are you ready for some Plugger swinging?”
This slender, unwrinkled, sprightly female dog doesn’t bear the markings of a typical Plugger. My guess: gold-digging scammer who’s swindled so many Pluggers out of their savings they start to run together. It’s vital Pluggers be aware that any non-Plugger who seems happy to spend time with you is definitely conning you.
DIRK storms off? Dirk, the one who’s done some serious immediate-date-ending stuff on at least ten separate occasions on this one date? How much more abuse was Dawn “I’m worth so much more” Weston going to put up with before HE decided she wasn’t worth his time? I continue to ask what message we’re supposed to take away here.
MW: I would say that Jared hurling insults is insulting but it’s perfectly in character for him to do so. Jess, however, has been nothing but a disappointment this entire time. She has done nothing but stand around and talk with no one acknowledging her. This is why we should have had Cathy (ack!) instead of Creepy Geek Jared and his blow up doll.
@Amelie Wikström: Remember that Dawn thinks that her father is one of the best men that she knows. She’ll gladly take a man with his loathsome personality as long as he looks like a beefcake.
@Needless Exposition: I’m honestly starting to headcanon that Jess isn’t even a real person, just a hallucination that Jared talks to and everyone goes along with it because in Worth World, mental illness is something to be uncomfortably ignored to avoid shaking the status quo too much.
@ectojazzmage: I like to think that the real Jess realized what she was getting into and got the hell out of Santa Royale, taking the cat with her because Mr. Solo is a terrible name for a cat and Jared should not be trusted with living things.
DtM:. Bought some fake grated Parmesan from Dollar store, and it did indeed taste like sawdust. On advice from all-wise internet about sawdust in prepared food, I checked and found it indeed was mostly cellulose.
JP:. Reena volunteered the best kind of wisecrack. It was wise to question Mr. Parker’s right to ask Sophie to commit a crime, and it cracked open his intent.
Pluggers — Pluggers all have syphilis?
Zits Spanish to English.
@The Rambling Otter:
I think Josh rejects it, but I like to think of Pluggers/Shoe as taking place after the events of Slylock, where the young energetic years of the Slylockalypse animal revolution have long since passed, and the society has become aged, ossified, and declining.
DT: So, last week we had a fight scene that went on for at least three strips longer than it needed to, and this week we’ve had the gang at an Irish pub owned by a former writer of the strip, a “humorous” coda that sucks all the drama out of the events we’ve just witnessed, and now a single panel of a newspaper conveying no new information. I think I joked before about Curtis suddenly asking Costello if he could pad the story out for another fortnight, but the only reason I haven’t started considering that that’s actually what happened is because we know that in those cases they just rerun a Minit Mystery, regardless of what’s happening in the story.
FG: Despite all the description of the emptiness surrounding Lowland Station is, nothing drives home how isolated it is like the fact they erected their tribute to Flash “at the height of the revolution, when people most needed something to hope for” rather than afterwards, in the flush of victory, and Ming’s forces never got round to tearing it down before they were defeated.
Heath: For a brief moment I wondered if the fact all the female characters — both canon and crossover — staring creepily though the window were wearing bows might be significant. Then I realised I was trying to “decode” a Heathcliff strip, like if I interpreted it in just the right way, it might actually make sense, and stopped.
JP: Speaking of padding things out, congrats to Sophie who, on being handed the Conflict Ball this week, somehow manages to claim she’s not ethically comfortable with hacking a drone with a straight face.
Lockhorns: I only read this strip when it’s featured here, but is the burger-loving dude in the background the first time we’ve seen anyone in The Lockhorns look … happy? (I’m not counting Leroy’s crinkle-smile of drunken flirting.) Naturally it’s someone who isn’t interacting with the eponymous couple in any way whatsoever.
Pluggers: I like that they used the rarely-seen younger Plugger couple, so it’s really clear that this isn’t “Pluggers are senile”, it’s “Pluggers don’t care”.
S4th: Oh, the suspense! Jackie wants to adopt the puppy but Ralph doesn’t! How will this conflict resolve itseThey’re going to adopt the puppy. You know it, I know it, Ces certainly knows it, and deep down, even Ralph knows it. (And I trust that Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars also knows it, and isn’t being influenced by this “But they might not!” negotiating tactic.)
Zits: I feel like a strip where we actually see the conversation alluded to here, rather than cutting straight from the amp exploding yesterday to being in media res today, would have a certain amount of humorous potential, as well as making the story flow better. Raising the question, was there such a strip, and if so was it cut because some aspect of it raised concerns at the syndicate or (more likely) by accident because “basic competence” is not one of Comics Kingdom’s core skills?
Pluggers: If only there were a Pig Plugger with a pet name of Babe…
@113 Myrtle:
Or Wilbur.
@richardf8: I’d always heard that Bac-Os were bacon flavored sawdust.
New GoComics list.
25 Super-Sweet Comics to Send Your Valentine
Lockhorns: Sure, it’s only one order of fries, but it’s the. “large” which is cheaper than two of the “regulars” And same for the one jumbo drink which is the best buy per ounce. It looks like they are just being smart shoppers. They can share – they’ve already exchanged cooties, so to speak.
Just effing retire, Batiuk.
MW: Does this mean we can call her “Dawn the Spawn”?
Pluggers: Dog lady on the left, is she even a Plugger either?
-Not short and dumpy
-Not wearing a dress, apron or suspenders
-Instead wears modern clothes and large hoop earrings.
I recall Sheila Roo years back was added to the comic to show how non-pluggers react to pluggers, usually rolling her eyes at Andy Bears antics. Now since then she’s been shown as a Plugger too.
@120 The Rambling Otter:
Pluggers. You can’t associate with them and not become one.
@Tabby Lavalamp: We have a new secretary of transportation who is conditioning highway construction assistance on birth rates and numbers of marriages.
That Lockhorns is a repeat from when McDonalds was selling the noted carp burger, the Arch Deluxe™
@UncleJeff:
#122. Oh my gosh, you’re both right. I just checked several credible sources that say, in effect, the government is rewarding states that encourage having children. So much for ZPG.
@Needless Exposition: If you remember Jess last appearance though, you’ll realize that she does not have enough self-respect or self awareness for that (her biggest concern after suffering traumatic abuse was worrying whether the new loser in her life thought she was “pretty.” Indeed, this is suspiciously starting to sound like a “Jess” plotline that Dawn horned in on.)
@Tom: Yeah, I mean it’s why Dawn stuck with Jared for two years…oh wait….
@2+2=7: Well, she’s a woman in Santa Royale who has a Charterstone Number of 2 (like the Bacon number but with association with Charterstone residents) so her fate is doomed to be a lobotomized doll to a geeky creep so that she can obey the heteronormative crusade of Mary Worth.
Forgive me, but I’m totally Team Background Guy. I live fast food burgers. I also loved cocaine! Hmmm. Entering Thinking Mode.
@Activist: White children only, so it’s fine, fine. Nothing to see here.
@GarrisonSkunk: I prefer the French name for the sandwich, “Le Grand M” has more class to it.
Bliss: Return with us to those halcyon days of yore when kids left their gum under their movie seats (do they still do so? is bubble gum still sold?) while the Martian war machines lay waste to Los Angeles.
Alice: Speaking of nonhuman things, that robot-thing with the attached nose, upper-lip hair and rubberized lips is just plain creepy. This in a comic strip that strays pretty close to the uncanny valley anyway. (Notice how Alice asks about it just being a “friend” instead of a Valentine. Even she has her limits.)
@Ukulele Ike:
#129. Let our OWN children have those high paying jobs. They can pick tomatoes in the sun and pesticide, shovel out chicken farms, butcher turkeys, care for those with dementia 24/7 just as good as immigrants can!
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX:
For eight entire minutes.
JP – “A host of issues?” Sophie didn’t have any “issues” with hacking into the Pentagon’s computers. When did she develop scruples?
Rex Morgan – The bouncer hasn’t thrown Mr. Obnoxious out yet, so this counts as another day of talking about throwing him out. Any time there’s a threat of actual action in RMMD, it’s either dragged out into boredom or talked into boredom, or both. This is the strip that managed to make a plane crash boring.
Seriously, though, I do like the bouncer. I hope he becomes a regular character, unless he’s working this job until he gets his big break as a roots country singer.
Mary Worth – Dirk’s heavy handed verbal abuse left Dawn cowering in tears. One would think that it might take more than a few minutes to bounce back and recover from that.
@Hibbleton: Re FC – Dolly must have inherited her cankles from Thel.
JP: Oh come on now. A few short weeks ago, Randy seemed very ready to forget his sister even existed. So JP has embraced insane espionage-related foreign escapades and bizarre espionage-related internal politics, but is unwilling to portray even a single family estrangement? Bah.
MW: Yes, Dawn is now perfectly all right and is ready to hook on to whatever bizarre cute-meet dude has been selected for her next adventure. Now let’s see what new romance Wilbur is contemplating. Or, much much much better, let’s just watch the flowers blooming on the expansive grounds of Charterstone for a week. And maybe a few butterflies.
@TheDiva: Two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a Krispy Kreme™ bun!
@Amelie Wikström: As near as I can tell, it’s “you can mess with Dawn as much as you like, but mess with her crew, and you’re goin’ down!”
@Lord Flatulence: Nope. Pure soybean abuse. Well not pure, but no sawdust either.
@richardf8: I miss the Late Night Cuisine talks.
Almost
@Activist: The United States’s birthrate has been below replacement rate since 2010. “Americans are having too many children” is a take unsupported by reality.
I wish I had Dennis’s courage to shit-talk food at his age. I hated everything my parents served to me or ordered for me, to the point where until I was out of their house, I legitimately thought I was some kind of freak who hated food. Now I know I love the stuff of course, and it’s just that my parents’ palates and mine don’t agree. If I had had the simple cojones to question that maybe the problem was *them* and not *me*, I’d probably have grown up a lot happier. Menace level: Far into the negative numbers, but that’s okay, because it actually managed to be a little uplifting.