Blasts from the past and/or eternal persent
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Crock, 3/18/25
I kind of admire the thought process that went into constructing the current installment of “The Men Of Outpost 5 Read Letters From One Of The Men’s Hillbilly Hometown.” Obviously, you have this great joke about how the one guy is a dumb hillbilly who may have mastered the mechanical art of tying a shoe but doesn’t understand how the process fits into the larger context, where you generally tie both your shoes at once. But what gets me is how they decided to set that punchline up. What if he’s prompted to reminisce on this subject because his beloved friend and mentor died? What if he’s in mourning? That sure adds a fun little twist to the gag!
Marvin, 3/18/25
Marvin, the comic strip, debuted in 1982, so if time flowed normally for its cursèd inhabitants, then Marvin, the character, would be in his early 40s, and his parents would have long ago forgotten his awful infancy, which only lasted a couple of years, after all, or at least they would have sanded down the edges in constant retelling into a “we can laugh about it now” situation. But time doesn’t flow normally, and Marvin will remain a baby forever, and his parents will neither know the escape of him growing up nor ever truly get used to the horror. Thus the exclamation points in the second panel here: while this is the sort of bad behavior we expect from this terrible child, his parents are forever shocked anew, each psychic wound inflicted never healing into protective scar tissue.
Pluggers, 3/18/25
Pluggers long ago lost the ability to feel sexual arousal. But products? Well, pluggers sure do love a good product — looking at them, assessing them, trying to figure out how much they cost, then either nodding their head at a good price or shaking their heads at how expensive things are these days. They still have those pleasures, at least, even though others have long passed them by.
B.C. and Wizard of Id, 3/18/25
Have you ever wondered what it would be like if the courting mores of modern times were mapped onto a previous era — the Stone Age, say, or a vaguely medieval period that also had magic in it? Well, today’s B.C. and Wizard of Id have the answers for you, my friends!
122 replies to “Blasts from the past and/or eternal persent”
Wrecks Moregone:
In an interesting conic strip, Teacher Guy whom Summer invited home as a bodyguard would turn out to be a serial killer.
This is not an interesting comic strip.
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Hägår thé Hørrïblê:
I hope Sven is tasty.
Pluggers: Whenever I think of gameshows these days, my mind immediately goes to the videogame Button City, in which one arc, one of the young protagonist’s friends is revealed to live with her grandparents.
Her grandfather has Alzheimer’s or dementia and confuses her with her mother, and they keep a VHS of Wheel of Fortune on to keep him entertained despite it just loops over and over
Very underrated dramatic plot right there.
(the game took place in an alternate 90’s era, despite teleportation exists and all of the characters are animals)
To be a Plugger is to have everything you ever loved fade away. Even fried food becomes a distant Fantasy. All that’s left is to sit 2 feet away from the TV set and wonder how the room got so small…
B.C. It would be a leap ahead if the female characters weren’t named Fat Broad and Cute Chick. We can inch forward from there.
Pluggers:
You know you’re a plugger when you think that being called a plugger is actually a compliment.
Wizard of ID, reminds me of another videogame, a fantasy RPG, at one point in your quest, you need to rescue a woman trapped in a magical tower filled with undead.
But… the funny thing is, every NPC responds to you by your reputation. If your reputation is abysmally low, the woman you’re going to rescue will say something like “I want nothing to do with you” and refuses to speak any further.
Marvin, confused, walks into the wrong comic strip and tells Woodstock his toy troubles.
Pluggers: The Price is Right gives away huge backyard grilling packages, $2000 pizza ovens, and foodie vacations. They give air fryers to the people who don’t even get on stage. What is he watching, the Russian version?
Marvin: gleefully destroys his toys so that they can be immediately replaced. The fact that this strip started in 1982 suddenly makes sense, as it seems like a great manifestation of Junior Regeanomics.
Pluggers: The weird thing is that he *is* talking about the sexy model. “She’s so hot she could literally fry the air, and leave me with a crispy coating, with less fat! My frozen eggroll is ready for it, if you know what I mean…!”
Mary Worth, please. Your entire life is about forcing everyone around you into the narrow little boxes you’ve chosen for them. And making sure your alleged romantic partner Jeff doesn’t try to get to first base.
Crock – This unlocks a memory of when it was common social media engagement bait to tell people that they had been doing a common takes wrong the whole time, only for the video to pay off with, at best, an alternative way that is no better or worse than the conventional way you were taught.
Cecil Evans could at least has a peg leg, or some superstition about needing to tie a shoe differently based on warding off the devil somehow. But Crock writers have less curiosity about the world and the world they create than the hillbillies who inhabit it.
Marvin – Marvin’s parents learn this is one of those strips where Marvin can speak, instead of being a pre-verbal infant. The “!!” is a very censored version of a grawlix.
Pluggers – This is how a Plugger would define commodity fetishism.
B.C., Wizard of Id – “Blocking numbers” is a quaint old joke, since today’s young never answer their phones to begin with, but I appreciate the swipe left joke, since it hints that dating apps have gotten so old fashion they will soon only be used by older folks as something new and hopefully less terrible takes its place.
Crock: Does this punchline make any sense? Wouldn’t the logical next line be something like “You mean you wear two shoes?” or something like that (not at all good, but at least it follows)? Do I have aphasia, or is it the strip “writer”?
(Appropriately named) Crock – There’s a tribute – he encouraged me to wear Crock. Don’t you mean Crocks? No – I can tie the other shoe. I use the other Crock to shit in….
Marvin – And I said AI could never take over the funnies….
Pluggers – Don’t go there, dog man – you’d likely get electrocuted sticking your dick in it, or at the very least severely burned….
BC – Johnny’d be proud….
WoI – What about all that rain, snow, or dark of night ethos….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Crock: When I glanced at this strip, I thought one of the characters was standing in a giant coffee mug with the number 5 painted on the side. On closer examination, I see it’s actually a denuded windmill on a miniature golf course.
My mistake! Now everything makes sense.
Crock – Remember that episode of Columbo where he solved a murder because of how the victim’s shoes were tied? That was fun and interesting. This is not.
MW: One interesting offshoot of Mary doing the advice column is that if she “fixes” everyone with her generic platitudes, she won’t have any more meddling to do.
OK, interesting may be overstating it a tad…but we might see Mary’s descent into madness with no meddling to do, that could be fun!
Confession: I like the joke in The Wizard of Id.
Marvin’s mom was clearly expecting a shit joke and was taken by surprise.
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The LLM used at Parker Hart & Associated Anachronistic Whimsy Professionals is getting repetitive and needs to stop being trained on the old Blogger blog of a turn of the century proto-incel.
MW: If you can’t dazzle ’em with brilliance, baffle ’em with bullshit. — W.C. Fields
RMMD: “Don’t worry, Summer, I don’t expect us to bed together. You can sleep on the couch.”
CS: “As a child, I doodled cartoons constantly. As a result, I flunked fourth, fifth, AND sixth grade. Then they finally gave up just to get rid of me.”
Not that I want to stomp on the brilliant joke in Crock, but I am 100 percent sure that the French Foreign Legion had very precise rules about how boots were to be tied, enforced by bizarrely savage punishments. I guess this dude just never figured out why his noncoms were always having fits.
@matt w: Good visual gag.
Without the second panel, or if the weapon was less over the top, like just a simple rifle, it wouldn’t be as funny.
@The Rambling Otter: Although at the same time, Wizard of ID confuses me.
As the guy looks like he’s in the same tower as the woman.
I’m actually kinda curious what the original punchlines in B.C. and Wizard of Id were before they were blatantly edited with an obvious computer font to reference newfangled things the Kids These Days do that didn’t exist when these comics originally ran. Especially the former, as the punchline we get works well enough and is funny enough that I can’t help but wonder if the original was actually inferior.
Rex Morgan MILF Diver – This reminds me of the Seinfeld pilot when a woman is going to stay at Jerry’s place, and he brings in a mattress. George correctly says, “Don’t give her a choice,” showing the acumen that made George my role model. Augie Doggie Style doesn’t need to discuss sleeping arrangements. Just let it flow and see what happens.
Crock:
Editor: Shouldn’t you show the soldier with one shoe untied to sell the Joke?
Crock artist: Stop busting my Balls!!
@matt w: would have worked better if one of his shoes was drawn as untied.
BC: That’s a solid joke.
@MKay:
Actually, they were given names over five years ago–Jane and Grace. But yeah.
Crock: Aren’t the soldier guys in this comic supposed to be the French Foreign Legion? Because “Cecil Evan’s” isn’t a very French name.
Pluggers: Pluggers absolutely would be the kind of people who act smug and superior about air fryers.
B.C.: The blonde caveman laughs heartily at his anachronistic witticism, not noticing his friend’s blood and brains leaking out into the sand from being smashed in with a club. Sad!
Pluggers: Low testosterone levels mean Pluggers need a much higher level of stimulation to get erect.
—And a tip o’ the hat to Sam “Whip Me, Momma” King of Summit Point, West Virginia.
@ectojazzmage: On Crock It’s the Foreign Legion. Lots of Americans and Britons have served in it. That’s pretty much the only thing about it Crock gets right.
From yesterthread:
yMT: Did Mark marry the wrong Davis sister?
MT: “You can’t punch people! Only I can punch people with my Fists O’ Justice!”
@Rube: “Did you order the Code Red, Commander Crock?”
“You’re damn right I did. He always had one shoe tied wrong. Always! So we staked him out in the sun for the Tuaregs to kill.”
“Oh, good. We were worried you were getting soft. Court martial dismissed.”
The Ghost Who DeGroots: Heloise: “I’m just practicing for when I’m in a loveless marriage!”
Luann: “…but since you have Inner Beauty, it’s always okay.”
BC: I actually guffawed at that one. Or maybe it was just a titter. A tit-faw.
Pluggers can only get interested in food and food-based products. They’re basically Dagwood Bumstead in fursuits.
@Lawyerbob: IMHO, it would have funnier if the line was “I can only tie one at a time.” But that took thirty seconds, which was way beyond the time the writers were willing to put into it.
Pluggers – I was a devoted fan of TPIR in the Bob Barker years. So imagine my surprise watching in the Drew Carey era, and seeing their male prize hottie for the first time!!! All I’m saying is, it’s OK to be curious, Dog Man.
@Old School Allie Cat: I must be a Plugger. I enjoyed The Price Is Right during the Bill Cullen years.
Wizard of Id – Now that’s what I call a cock block.
C’shaft: Yes, and your point? You were a kid, kids have no idea how the world works and make their best guesses based on the little information they have all the time. Next you’ll spend an hour talking about how you thought your teacher lived at the school.
Dustin: “Maybe I should get started! Let’s see…my husband is a selfish jerk who makes me do all the cooking and then complains when he doesn’t like what I make, my son serially harasses strange women, my daughter is a cold-hearted harpy, but right now I don’t have to deal with any of them so that’s nice, isn’t it?”
GT: So glad Coach Luke is able to guide his team with insights like “make sure you’re wearing your regulation protective equipment!”
MW: Mary has really missed her calling. With trenchant insights like this, she could make a fortune in self-help and business strategy books.
Phantom: Good job, Heloise, you’ve distracted the life guards so they didn’t see the poor eight-year-old caught in the undertow, but hey, matchmaking requires sacrifices!
RMMD: “Just so long as my white knight behavior leads me to getting laid eventually, I’m good.”
@Old School Allie Cat: Good to know the serial sexual harassment on the Price is Right set is equal-opportunity now.
Guest writer for today’s Frank and Ernest: RFK Jr.
Really, all you had to do is use the kind of awkward phrase “sexy models” and I’ll figure you’re a Plugger.
BC/Wiz: That’s…. pretty good. Sensible chuckles all around.
Pluggers – When a plugger dog is watching “The Price Is Right,” he can’t appreciate the sexy models. All he can think about is how much he hates Bob Barker for what he encouraged the plugger dog’s owners to do to him all those years ago.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Brother, clowns are unfunny and horrible! I can’t believe you hired one!”
“I thought you’d like it! And keep your voice down!”
“I don’t care if he hears me!”
“Listen! I’m not afraid of anything a stupid clown can do to me!”
Just ten years ago a Plugger would have complained about how effete an air-fryer is, because real men fries with oil! But things move on, old Pluggers die and are substituted by new Pluggers, who are fine with air-frying. Indeed, it’s young weirdos who are obsessed about the health benefits of frying with animal fats!
I’m not surprised “Crock” characters do not know that you tie your left and right shoes the same way. Look at their deformed bodies, they do not know anything about symmetrical body parts!
@Peanut Gallery: “Please have your Plugger spayed or neutered.”
@Lawyerbob: It’s bad gag writing. No one would say “he taught me how to tie my shoe,” singular, unless he only wore one shoe or was just using “shoe” in a generic sense to mean “shoes.” If he was referring to one shoe as distinct from another, he’d say something like “he taught me how to tie my left shoe” or “he taught me how to tie one of my shoes” or “he taught me how to tie one of the shoes I had back then.”
You know that in Medieval times people could be in love with someone they never met in person (Jaufre Rudel) or someone whose only interaction with was greeting them in public and watching them at church (Dante Alighieri)? There is much better comedic potential in real history than lame anachronisms!
“She swiped left?”
“No, she swiped right! Being bashed in the head is just my kink, that’s what Tinder is for!”
Marvin: This is why most animals eat their young.
MW: Mary talking about flexibility is like getting sexual education from a nun who hasn’t been reading anything but the Bible in thirty years.
@Banana Jr. 6000: And people didn’t listen, and that’s why we have all these pluggers everywhere now.
In the Stone Age, the way to find a partner is Tinder. If you can start a fire thanks to tinder and kindling, you can exchange protection and cooked food with sexual favours
Six Chix-Not from reading this comic.
MW-Dirk, don’t yell at people the way you yelled at Dawn.
FC-“Couldn’t you say I was drunk?”
Wizard of Id/BC-Too show that they are still hip and down with it the writer decided to insert the hip new phrases those young people are all saying nowadays.
“We need a joke about stalkish behaviour by phone”
“This is a medieval strip”
“We’ll just make it medieval, with homing pigeons!”
“Did they even use homing pigeons in Medieval Europe?”
“Not sure. Also add ruffed ruffed collars and gunpowder”
With today’s about how the capitalist lifestyle made Pluggers impotent and forced them to get horny about commodities, “Pluggers” has officially gone woke
As Josh noted already, the jokes about the guys of the Outpost 5 are not funny, but there is comedy potential in speculating what the French equivalent of hillbillies is. I bet they are ch’tis, but only because there is a good movie about it.
I thought, just be glad that Marvin busted his toys instead of shitting on them, but then I realised that shitting on them would not stop him from playing with them. Anyway, I managed to disgust myself!
Flash! (Ahhhh-ahhhh!!!) : Ming should have settled for a locked room with Nickleback playing. Aura would have cracked within 5 minues.
Dustbin – Crickets are delightful! Shut up, radio woman, and let me listen to them. You’re as bad as those parade announcers who won’t stop talking over all the marching bands.
@Little Guy: Let’s see how tough Aura is once they bring out the bore worms!!
@pugfuggly: Pluggers: The weird thing is that he *is* talking about the sexy model. “She’s so hot she could literally fry the air, and leave me with a crispy coating, with less fat! My frozen eggroll is ready for it, if you know what I mean…!”
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Bob Barker was a Plugger? Have the Pluggers forgiven him for his constant pleas to “help control the Plugger population, have your neighborhood Plugger spayed or neutered.”?
FC – He had an upset stomach. We can be thankful that yesterday’s strip didn’t show him barfing.
It’s even more puzzling that she was taking his pulse. For an upset stomach?
Mary Worth – Ye gods. Put a picture of a kitten on that and you have the world’s most irritating motivational poster.
Bliss – Those mice are terrific. Nice artwork.
9CL – These self absorbed, oversexed morons are allegedly professional world class musicians.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: I’m so old that I remember the MAD Magazine parody of the Bill Cullen hosted version of the show.
Wizard of Id and BC have turned into Dustin!
Blondie-Welcome to the world of inflation, Dagwood.
Crock: If you were some sort of powerful figure in a medieval royal court — and you were holding a maiden prisoner in a high castle turret with no means of escape — I suppose it would be annoying if she somehow managed to reject you anyway. Then again, I’d say your first mistake was letting her get her hands on a futuristic gun. The upshot? This isn’t the best idea anyone has ever had for a new animated Disney princess movie, but it certainly isn’t the worst!
@BigTed: Make that Wizard of Id. Whoops. Whoopsie!
RMMD: “It’s a little early in our dating to ask you to stay the night — I mean, like … ”
“I get it. I can sleep on a couch just fine.”
“But does this make you think I’m a slut?”
“No. Like I said.”
“All the other men I proposition call me a slut the next morning. For no other reason than the things I do with them during the night. Dirty, dirty, perverted things that I do. In my bed, on the kitchen table, on that very couch. I hope you’re a gentleman, and call me a slut right there in the moment, rather than waiting several hours.”
“Um. Maybe the couch isn’t such a good idea after all.”
6ix Chix: Joy? You’re looking for Joy? Your girlfriend Joy moved out when you started being all mopey like this.
(Yes, Bianca, I get it. You’re doing an extended series on Depression. Telling you to snap out of it isn’t going to cure it. I get that. We all get it. You’re just bringing nothing new or useful to the conversation. Find a different approach, kthxbye.)
Crock is supposed to be a satire of Beau Geste, a novel no one now alive has probably ever read. But canonically the “heroes” are English orphans raised in an upper class household and presumably exposed to the sexual deviancy common in upper class British households of the time. Good old Cecil may have taught him to “tie his shoe” but I think we can all assume that the expression has nothing to do with footwear.
@Vanya: As long as Cecil didn’t teach him how to tie Shoe.
Pluggers can say what they want, but they are also watching the Price is Right for the sexy models. This is evident from the fact that the show still has sexy models. Nobody except for pluggers are watching The Price is Right. It used to be pluggers and kids home sick from school, but then we invented the Internet.
RMMD: FWIW I doubt Summer has had anything twixt her nethers that wasn’t battery powered in the last decade.
AAGGGHHHH Spanish to English.
since no one has commented on the “eternal persent” yet I have to assume it’s an actual concept I’m just not familiar with. Sounds deep.
CS: Weren’t they conducting this
bloviationinterview at Montoni’s? I guess they didn’t want yesterday’s word balloon to demolish everyone’s favorite place to eat.Luann: Don’t be sad, Phil. Just be glad you got out of this as quickly as possible.
9CL: Look at Edda being all original and wearing ocelot-print undies, as opposed to leopard-print undies like her mom. I hate that I typed that previous sentence.
Dennis the Menace Spanish to English.
@taig: I think Luann is the one who avoided disaster here.
Rex Morgan M.D. Spanish to English.
Crockumbo: Columbo once proved that tied shoes end up differently tied if tied by a left handed or right handed tier,nailing that evil Robert Conrad in the process!
@Sequitur: I thought it said “Needs soy sauce.”
@vince: I think it has something to do with the comic’s never-ending “Lost Patrol.” Or something to that effect.
@Rube: #20: How true. I once saw a TV documentary where Foreign Legionaries were prepping to march in the Bastille Day parade. At full dress they wear bright white shoe laces in contrast to their polished black boots. The lacing looked very complicated and elaborate. The Legionaries tied them under the careful watch of their scowling and quick to criticize NCOs.
BC & WoI: I’ve gotta admit, when it comes to using phrases The Kids These Days say while staring at their smartphones as punchlines, “It’s funny because they don’t have phones!” beats “It’s funny because they do have phones!” hands down. I think I’d give BC the edge because the phrase in Wizard of Id is a random non sequitur in context, while BC actually does have the cave lady swiping left!
DT: Okay, I’m a foreigner, so maybe I’m the one whose off-base here. Americans, would an assistant treasurer at a company normally be able to say, off their own bat, “I’m going to meet some investment advisors who definitely exist, don’t know when I’ll be back” and thereby get enough leeway to stay at home for several days, enacting a complex plan of some kind? And if a company did allow this, wouldn’t they at least make sure they had the guy’s cellphone number?
Heath: I googled cats and alcohol, and I didn’t read much of the results because I found them upsetting, but suffice to say Owner Grandma is right not to like this!
OTF: Panel 2 Fi looks disturbingly like Theresa May. That would probably have distracted me from the joke, had there been one.
Phantom: Kit update: turns out he is that dumb after all!
Obviously “Kit and Kadia spend the whole time talking about how ridiculous Weezie is” is the best possible result here, but I’m still concerned that they might bond over that, and then she’ll think she was right.
RMMD: Alert! Obviously, Augie isn’t “staying the night” in that sense, but the possibility was raised that he might! Rex Morgan MD characters are obliquely talking about maybe having sex at some undetermined point in the future! I haven’t been this shocked since that forced metaphor about “dancing” in “The Empty Child”!
SH: Absolutely characteristic of this strip’s “good guys” that Samantha isn’t worried about leaving a better world for future generations (after all, her future generations are in the 15th century), just for herself.
MW: Is …Mary giving us the side-eye in panel 2? I think she is! Yeah, I know you mean me, I get it. Geez, no wonder you don’t live with anyone.
@86 Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol:
It’s the one time I did a literal English translation.
Phantom: “Hey, cookie, if you want to convince your friends you know us, we have a suggestion that will only occupy two of your available holes.”
6Chx: In the good old days, they would have prescribed ten grains of Veronal chased with a half-liter of Armagnac.
BC: But Peter received no answer for BC was stone dead, the cartilage of his shattered nose having been driven into his brain.
Marvin: Jenny Miller is neither shown here nor does she get dialogue, but I’ll practice some Peanuts special logic and imagine a very discordant muted trumpet solo here.
Pluggers: Yes, they are sexy dog models on the version he’s watching. Yes, he’s fixed. No, you should not ask any more questions.
FC: Relax, Billy. Your mom still hasn’t gotten to the part where she writes “He had the shits.”
C-Shaft: Skip’s readers* wrote in en masse demanding a second Baton Thomas profile.
*The voices in his head.
DtM: Dennis openly denigrating his dad’s masculinity during his morning rituals is funny and proves that he’s not worried about being in his parents’ will. Guess the Mitchells don’t got money.
DT: “Be patient with us, sir. Our police sketch artist was working Comic Con when we went to him.”
Dustin: Maybe their good news is that they’ve found a better radio station to listen to.
GT: Whatever you say about this scene at least we’re not at Gil and Beth’s whiskey-fueled makeout session anymore.
JP: Sophie is about the right age to have been a Lost fan when she was a little girl, which would explain her preference that her boyfriend keep a day or two’s worth of stubble.
Luann: “Not sorry enough that I’ll kiss you back, but sorryish at least.”
MW: Credit where credit is due. Moy is finally depicting Mary in her ringer advice columnist role actually answering a question that someone wrote in to ask. Naturally it’s a generic response to an equally generic question, and may as well conclude with “or so I’ve heard.”
Phantom: One of the lifeguards is trying to grow a mustache and failing. Probably a nephew who got lost on his way to Dick Tracy.
@Sequitur:
“Christ, what an asshole I am.”
LUANN:. They e had classes on asking permission– do teens these days actually practice what they’re taught? I doubt it. Tiffany is about 20 feet away so may be eager to “defend” poor Phil.
CS:. They’re not eating at Montonis? That could bankrupt Funky and Holly.
BF:. I dislike Susan’s whining though I’m most like her otherwise. A lot of us DO or did get much of our social interaction from casual work relationships, and perhaps some of the depression is due to loss of these interactions.
FRAZZ:. Are green shakes still bring served? I wanted one today but the shake machine was down anyway. (they’re healthy, right?)
PHANTOM:. Love the guys reaction, he knows she’s out of his league do doesn’t even try to play along.
S4TH:. Thought the friends would try to diss-band but no, they’re unwittingly giving it a new name and lead.
@I speak Jive: is that the one where the guy guesses the exact price every time but doesn’t want any of the prizes?
@Activist: Re C-Shaft: I think Mopey Pete runs Montoni’s now. Maybe Skip and Baton are trying to force him back into the comics business.
Mary Worth is a flexible person…provided that you’re a white heterosexual Christian who doesn’t question her actions. I’m surprised that she can force herself into being Dr. Jeff’s beard as long as she has provided she can extort free meals and yacht rides from him.
@LesterEdgarHelicopter: Yes, that’s it. He was very dour and disliked everything except guessing the prices. The show got rid of him by launching him into space in a rocket.
RMMD-I’m waiting for the reveal that teacher man is paying stalker to stalk Summer in order to look good.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: That is correct. Montoni’s closed for a few months, except when it needed new vehicles to drive to Dinkle’s Christmas Messiah in a blizzard at the end of Funky Winkerbean. Then in Crankshaft, Pete decided to quit his high-paying no-work comic book job, and finally proposed to Mindy, resolving his original proposal with a stuffed tiger he won at the fair in 2019. They partnered with the Pizza Box Monster to buy Montoni’s from Funky, even though it had been closed down for months and there was nothing to buy except the name. Then the town brought back everything they bought at the Montoni’s closure auction, including Lillian McKenzie’s valuable Tiffany lamp, which she implied she had originally been swindled out of. Pete and Mindy decorated the place for Christmas, and haven’t been seen working there since. They also never hired any employees, even though it had at least 5 when Funky Winkerbean ended, two of which were Funky’s adult sons.
I am not exaggerating any of this.
Crankshaft – Oh, great. Another installment of the origin story that no one anywhere or any time asked for.
The waitress figures that Crankshaft isn’t there, so maybe these assholes will leave a tip.
Mary Worth – Tom Batiuk could tell Mary/Karen Moy that one can’t win a Pulitzer by pulling a story out of their ass.
@Banana Jr. 6000: Yeah, Batiuk used to half-ass it on two strips. Now somehow he’s quarter-assing it on one.
Don Abundio, take 2:
“Oh brother, cream pies as weapons! Pierre has really flipped this time!”
“Don’t say that! It’s a good idea!”
“It’s a stupid idea!”
“What a joke! Next you’ll tell me these pies fly through the air and explode on impact!”
MW: Mary’s “Dear Wendy” columns, read aloud, are played on the loudspeaker system in Hell whenever it is decided that the residents are becoming too numb to hours-long repeats of “Hey Boy.”
@Banana Jr. 6000: I believe you.
Phoebe & Unicorn: Wherein a blank background is not only referenced but put to good use.
@GarrisonSkunk: When I was a kid, my mother wondered if I was having developmental problems because I was so slow in learning how to tie shoes. Eventually she discovered that my left-handedness was the problem. (I avoid laced shoes as much as I can to this day.)
Luann: that instant their lips touched Luann realized she doesn’t care for boys.
@48 Peanut Gallery: and @106 Peanut Gallery:
I like the first one as a shout-out to Baja Gaijin.
@Banana Jr. 6000: If your husband wears a flea collar, he just might be a Plugger….
@Banana Jr. 6000:
#99 and #103. CS:. Ben and Banana, thanks for the correction– I wondered if Funky was the proper owner when I wrote the comment but then thought, “ah, if I’m wrong, no one will care.”. Thanks for proving me wrong on both accounts! Mudges rock.
@Needless Exposition: Mary Worth is a flexible person…provided that you’re a white heterosexual Christian
That would be a bit of irony considering that the strip is written by a woman who is, going by her bio photo, of Asian extraction.
@Just John: Tsk, tsk. You’re not trying to deny this little woke snowflake a chance to pleasure themselves with a little self-flagellation are you?
@Poteet: You remember “Hey Boy.” Congratulations. And, my condolences.
@Banana Jr. 6000:
Thank you for your service. I was mildly interested in the Montoni Succession but greatly disinterested in researching it myself.
You done good. Check your mailbox for a Montoni’s coupon good for 5% off on one small plain pizza.
“Cecil Evans died back home.
He taught me how to tie my shoe.
But home is far away — I never got to say
How much he meant to me… I never knew.”
“Hey, Shakespeare — who taught you how to tie the OTHER shoe? BOO-YAH!”
@Sequitur: Thanks! The EVILSCARYCLOWN gets the last lick in, but at least it gets insulted and doesn’t actually appear in-panel.
FC: Ok, Billy. You want to be a big boy, how about this? Please excuse Billy. He caught the clap.
FC: I wonder how old this one is. Most schools today no longer accept a handwritten note from a parent. They want a doctor’s excuse.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Thank you. But actually, I cheated. I have never listened to “Hey Boy.” I have only read the anguished comments from Mudges who bravely did listen to it, and I extrapolated from there. In my defense, I do read GASOLINE ALLEY every single day, so like Rose in KEEPING UP APPEARANCES, I know what suffering is.
Luann: Wow, this guy is a killjoy.