How sharper than a serpent’s tooth
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Dennis the Menace, 4/26/25
Obviously my “is this menacing or not” bit is done mostly in jest, but I genuinely think this is menacing behavior. Making unbroken, angry eye contact with his mother as he lets milk overflow the glass all over the table, while nonsensically blaming her and her glass-acquisition choices for the whole situation? Really unsettling stuff, I would be quietly calling a child psychologist in this scenario.
Shoe, 4/26/25
Normally I don’t have a lot of patience for “kids and their damn phones” jokes like these, especially given that the behavior in question is so omnipresent among people of all ages that there’s an industry term for it. But I do have to say that if Skyler isn’t going to be fully engaged during his TV-watching experience, he shouldn’t be making use of the living room’s only chair.
Crankshaft, 4/26/25
You might recall that Funky Winkerbean’s beloved (?) Mopey Pete ended up in a relationship with Crankshaft’s granddaughter, which meant he successfully escaped the collapse of the Funky Winkerbean dimension and has survived in its formerly ancillary Crankshaft zone, which has survived as its own space-time continuum in the aftermath. Anyway, we’ve finally learned what can briefly make him slightly less mopey: the prospect of interrupting his in-laws while they fool around in their car.
74 replies to “How sharper than a serpent’s tooth”
We Need to Talk About Dennis.
DtM:
“I’m going to ‘milk’ this mischief for all it’s worth!”
Crankshaft:
“Let’s queue up the Beatles’ ‘Why Don’t We Do It in the Road?’ ”
Oh great. Crankshaft is Luann now.
Wait didn’t Funky jump ten years ahead of Crankshaft? In FW Ed was in a nursing home? Did Mopey Pete hook up with Mindy so cosmically that their relationship traveled back in time?
DtM: It’s funny, because when I look at that scene all I can think of is maybe they need to buy bigger cartons of milk. What is that, a liter? Oops, sorry, eh, a…’quart’? Anyhow, Alice, you’ve got a family with a young boy, a gallon seems much more economical.
Shoe: Ok, but is the TV on? The screen’s not black, but it seems to be the same color as the wall. Is that even a TV, or just an empty TV-shaped frame that they pretend to be entertained by? Suddenly those heavy-lidded expressions of despondency make a lot of sense.
C’shaft: “Is that your folks care sitting there with the windows all steamed up?” What is this, audio descriptions for the visually impaired? We have alt-text for that nowadays, guys.
DtM: Dennis is confused by the difference in volume between the quart container his mom buys and the pint container of milk he’s served in kindergarten. I’m a little embarrassed to admit, I was today’s years old when I realized that the root of his menace is simple stupidity.
@matt w:
A time-travelling janitor said that cancelling FW caused the two timelines to merge into one, and the because there’s no justice in the Funkyverse, that big cosmic retcon erased the reality where Crankshaft paid for his crimes against humanity by being reduced to a dying, vegetative husk in lieu of Crankshaft still being hale & hearty at 90+ and destroying and ruining everything in sight.
Also, about this week of Crankshaft : this is the result of the “Marvel Method”, right? Like, Davis drew a strip of Pam looking at her hands, then Jeff taking her to sit in the car parked in the driveway while they reminisce (and reenact, apparently) all the solo car dates of their youth, but Batiuk had no idea what the first thing was about, and inexplicably wrote in them going to go see a movie even though their car never left their garage?
(Would explain Rocky Rhodes celebrating the bus driver trophy with everyone even though he betrayed them by joining the opposite team earlier; that was an addition by Batiuk that wasn’t intended, and in fact CONTRADICTED, by Davis’ art)
Gosh, I always dislike typing so many words about Batiuk’s stuff, but I needed to get this off my chest, okay!?****************
Luann : Once again, they are going from COMPLETELY BARE FRIDGE SHELVES, and also, once the week is up, two more people are going to be there to eat the leftovers (they could also invite their friends over for a party).
The “real” problem here is how they’re going to pay for all this, since it’s unclear that Luann still has that job as a part-time assistant to the assistant daycare worker, and I’m pretty sure Bernice has NOTHING going on in her life besides her psychology studies and being Nil’s “muse”.
Crankshaft: Luckily Mopey Pete is not attempting TS Garp’s tragic driving stunt.
Despite always being behind the times and never getting any Pop Culture references/memes right… Shoe is surprisingly relatable.
I tend to play my Switch which the TV is on in the background creating white noise.
What’s the “joke” again?
‘. . . and yes, it’s milk of magnesia, because when I do a bit, I commit to the bit, woman.’
“…he shouldn’t be making use of the living room’s only chair.” In the Shoe world, a large stuffed chair is the equivalent of a nest. In other words, he simply sits on top of Skyler to watch TV.
Crankshaft : “You don’t suppose… a weird stalker is inside watching them, and a vigilante has arrived to murder him, but coincidentally the stalker accidentally overdosed moments earlier, thus conveniently avoiding any dramatic scenes or thorny moral issues? No, surely not, what kind of hack comic strip would do that?”
MW: Here comes an attempted pillow-smotherin’!
Batts will claim she was just “tucking Dawnie into bed” and Wilbur will buy it.
FC: “Daddy watches anything with at least two people and a ball in it… and in the 2D world we live in, a puck counts.”
MW: Dawn reading her smartphone; “Holy cow! Belle Batsfrey is actually Luce Screwsy, wanted for attempted Murder!”
@matt w: @Anonymous: A time-travelling janitor …
Ah yes, the beloved “Time Mop.”
Marvin was more lovable when all he did was produce massive amounts of shit.
Rex Morgan, MILF Diver: I misread what Augie Doggie Style said as “Do you mind if I stick it in for a while?”. It seems to make more sense that way.
@Hibbleton: Luce Screwsy is a MUCH funnier name than Belle Batsfrey!
Crankshaft: “Is that your folks’ car sitting there with the windows all steamed up? You don’t suppose. . .”
“. . . that if you leave your car unlocked in this neighborhood the many prostitutes will feel free to use it to service transient pedestrians? Yes. Yes I do.”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Marvin was more lovable when all he did was produce massive amounts of shit.
As Marvin has gotten older, and started speaking, his shit has transitioned from anal to verbal.
@Hibbleton: I loved that Simpsons bit, where Marge let Otto’s Ex-Fiancé Becky live with them. Marge soon gets paranoid that Becky is trying to kill her and steal her family.
So she reads up on Becky online to get some dirt:
A few news headlines (Which shows photos of Becky) “Local Girl Kills…Competition in Talent Contest”
and
“Usurper Foiled Again…by Becky”
Personally I always loved that sort of gag.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Polonio, you’re the perfect butler!”
“Thanks, boss”
“I couldn’t do your job if I tried. But I guess you wouldn’t do so well as an oligarch either”
“Maybe”
“I think I’d make a much cooler oligarch than you, dude”
“Think your folks might be interested in a little swap action? No, wait…that’s a little too creepy, even for Batiuk!”
MW: What kind of name is Belle Batsfrey? Evidently a boring one, since it cured her insomnia instantly.
JP: “Who said anything about talking you out of leaving? We just wanted you to pull that stick out of your ass before you go.”
GT: Coach Martinez practicing the Dark Arts is one of the more realistic things that has happened in the Barajas era.
RMMD: “Summer, face it. After all this, we need a break. Let’s both call in sick and spend the whole day exploring each other’s bodies.”
DtM: Dennis has taken the engineer’s response to the “glass half full” for the reverse ratio of liquid volume to container volume
MW: Someone with two neurons functioning would be googling such a distinct name (or crack the fourth wall, lampshading how they’re in a comic strip with ridiculously on-point villain names), but this Dawn, the ginger cat version of human, and it’s not her day to share the one orange braincell
DtM: Dennis has gone so feral that his pupils fill his eyes. That’s pretty dang menacing.
Shoe: He’s got reruns of the Blondie (1957) TV show as his background noise.
CS: “Talk to the… wait, why is my hand so weird?”
Phantom: What’s the point of taking a shower before bed if all you’re going to do is sleep?
CS: “You don’t suppose . . .” “Nah, I overheard Mom whispering to the mailman that Dad can’t get it up anymore and he doesn’t even care.”
DtM: “And maybe you need your ass tanned! YOU ever thought about THAT?”
Luann: And by “putting it back,” they mean, of course, dumping it on an empty shelf in the laundry aisle.
MW: Time for a dream sequence! What wacky shenanigans is Wilbur going to pull this time? Or, maybe the dream will involve bats, leading to a Lost Weekend sequence.
FC: “Or two girls and a cup.”
Dustin: “Hell, I’m already in a comic strip called Dustin. Why do I need more of that?”
GT: Hmm… *are* there spirit-chasing ceremonies with smoke in Latin American culture? I see references to personal cleansing ceremonies with herbs in Mexico, but not ghost exorcisms?
I don’t think it’s at all unrealistic that Martinez would toss everything including the kitchen sink and a smudging kit picked up at a random New Age store at a ghost, but this reads like he’s doing his culture’s traditional response.
DtM – Maybe I’m a bigger asshole than you thought…or just a moron – you be the judge….
Shoe – Oh, those kids and their screens, amirite! I want one on the inside of the lid of my coffin….
Crankshaft – The talk to the hand bit is so ‘90s….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Luann: Dove bars and kettle corn?!? Is Bernice secretly from the 1880s?
9CL: That bird is definitely going on about how he plays music so he can fuck, while this idiot interrupts her music so she can fuck. It’s pretty wild.
Luann: As if we needed MORE evidence that either Greg Evans can’t remember his main character is now an adult OR that she’s deliberately mean to have special needs, Luann doesn’t know how to shop for groceries Also, she doesn’t work—did the grocery money come from mommy and daddy? Luann is supposed to 19 or 20, right? WTF, does she get an allowance as well as free rent? And, as always, why does Dennis have a pig snout instead of an actual NOSE?
GT: If nothing else, this strip shows that ANYONE can get (and keep, no matter how lazy or incompetent) a job drawing syndicated strips.
DTM: what’s menacing here is the sheer refusal of the artists to put any effort into today’s panel. That not how you hold a carton of milk. What happened to Dennis’s neck? Is that supposed to be a refrigerator door, and if so why does the same handle seem to open both the fridge and the freezer simultaneously? Are the blue field/black lines to the right of the fridge meant to be its profile side? If so, it looks like the artists forgot while drawing. Why is Dennis’s right arm completely disconnected from his torso?
Crankshaft-“Do you think maybe they’ve finally decided to off themselves?”
Dennis the Menace-Maybe if Dennis wasn’t an idiot he would know to stop pouring.
RMMD-“I still can’t get over that incredibly amazing shootout that happened off panel.”
MW-Belle Batsfrey is the name invented by a hack writer.
FC-Daddy loves it when it involves women.
C’shaft: This is the second time in a month a comic strip couple who are in full possession of a comfortable bedroom opt for an awkward car make-out session instead. I’m just saying, if you’re that nostalgic for clumsy teenage romance there are several online and brick-and-mortar emporiums that sell cheerleader and private school uniforms…
RMMD – Weirdest meet-cute ever.
GT: Coach Martinez is trying to exorcise the demons of bad art and storytelling from the comic.
It never occurred to me before that in the Funkyverse even sex must be committed with the primary purpose of making other people uncomfortable, but of course. I’m sure it’ll be topped off with some stupid word play, like “Sorry, we’re autoerotic.”
@Liam:
MW-Belle Batsfrey is the name invented by a hack writer.
It even beats Dr. Kaput. At least Aldo Kelrast was an anagram.
Crankshaft: I feel like we’re all sleeping on Pam and Mr. Pam’s hose connected to the exhaust and now filling the cabin with that sweet, sweet carbon monoxide. Of course, so are they. They’re dead, I mean. They’ve killed themselves to get away from that horrible Ed and left the house to Pete and Mindy. It’s a win-win for everyone!
Okay Dennis, why didn’t you get a bigger glass in the first place? Or transfer the milk to a bigger glass before it started overflowing?
It’s just common sense.
Dennis the Menace: This is why we don’t let five-year-olds pour their own drinks. Five-year-olds are assholes.
GT: “The blood of the unbaptized infant and the hanged man’s fingerbone are ready to go. Now, where did I leave that black rooster….?”
Shoe: I too look at a second screen while the television is on, albeit in a recliner that doesn’t face the TV so it really is just background noise. But then I get yelled at by my wife for not tracking the shows and asking her questions about them, which…What’s that you say? It’s not actually a joke about The Youth Of Today’s screen habits? It’s about their precious snowflake fragility, you say? Tomorrow the joke will be about Skyler demanding litter boxes in the house because he identifies as a cat, you say?
Well.
[Ponders long string of contingent events that have brought me to this point]
Crankshaft: Mopey Pete eagerly peers into the car hoping to see his in-laws banging only to discover a stalker doing a shitload of drugs instead, right as an angry old man pulls into the driveway with a gun in this shocking crossover with Rex Morgan.
@Ukulele Ike:
“I couldn’t find a black rooster but I did get a black cock.”
DT: “Christ, this forensic stuff is boring! Just tell me when you’ve figured out who I can shoot!”
Dustin: I would think people-watching would be right up Dustdad’s alley. He seems to enjoy passing judgement on others based on limited evidence and his own narrow preconceptions.
GT: Is Leo going to get offended at Coach Martinez’s cultural appropriation? I mean, I’m not sure if Leo is from a tribe that practices smudging, but then again I’m not sure Leo’s been given an identity beyond “generic Native American.”
Luann: Bernice is supposed to be the “responsible and mature” person in this (theoretically) comic duo, right? Shouldn’t she have a vague idea of how groceries work, or at least be arguing for healthy and/or practical purchases over junk food? I don’t know, I’m trying to think of a way this situation could develop beyond “these two girls, despite being legal adults, should never be without supervision ever.”
MT: Looks like Jules Rivera just read Character Limit (fascinating book BTW, highly recommended).
MW: I mean, it’s a valid question. Either a) Belle was miraculously given an name at birth that would accurately describe her adult personality in a way that JK Rowling would consider too on the nose, or b) “Belle Batsfrey” is an alias, devised by a black widow cunning enough to obscure her trail of balding, lumpen dead husbands, but not cunning enough to come up with a name less ominous than “Belle Batsfrey.”
Phantom: “I could be wrong…who am I kidding, I’m never wrong. I’m the main character of Bangala and also the entire global south; everything I say and do is right and just.”
CS: Why are Pam and Jeff making out in Lillian’s driveway? At no time has Casa Crankshaft been shown to have an above the garage apartment.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Pam wanted to nip up the stairs to the Village Booksmith and pick up a copy of the Kama Sutra. (Ford Taurus edition)
Shaft – Since this is FW-adjacent, I’m guessing what he was going to say is “… you don’t suppose they died and the moisture from decomposition fogged up the windows?”
MW: And this is why we don’t focus on Dawn who is so boring that she puts herself to sleep. This has been a real snore fest of a week so hopefully we’ll get a funky dream sequence or an attempted smothering to spice things up. Don’t get too excited about the latter, though; Belle seems to be set on making her murder attempts obvious by having Dawn be awake.
Luann: We know Luann has special needs so she has no idea how to grocery shop but what’s Bernice’s excuse for enabling her? To make sarcastic quips about how much of an idiot Luann is?
I have a bad feeling this is going to turn into Batiuk’s last-ditch attempt at a Pulitzer: Pam’s late-age pregnancy. Les will somehow make it all about himself.
@Cleveland Mocks: #28: re- Luann: And of course they’ll dump any highly perishable meats in the canned goods aisle.
Luann: Those two really like soap!
CS: If this were true to life a police car spotlight would be shining on the back window…so people tell me.
Dustin: Why not invite Dustin to the farmer’s market? There’s a lot of fish in the sea. And his baitless hook has yet to be rejected by all of his age peer women.
H&L: “First drink is on me?” Thirsty never did learn his verb tenses.
MW: Ugh, I feel another insufferable unfunny dream sequence coming along.
@Lord Flatulence: In that case — Carry on, Coach and Good Luck!
@CanuckDownSouth: that’s not fair to ginger cats. I’ve know quite a few clever ones, including a male that watched his human companions using the toilet and began doing the same. If you think YOU look indignant when someone walks in on you, the glare Marmalade threw if you interrupted him when he was on the throne could kill.
Whereas Dawn probably still soils herself occasionally.
Cranky-Winkerbean: Does having sex usually create steam/fog? How does that even…?
@brendancalling: Funny thing, my small Dog seems to know what a bathroom is for. If someone is in a room with a closed door, he gets lonely and scratches at the door repeatedly.
He does this for every room in the house, except for the bathroom door. It’s like he knows its more private than all of the other rooms.
@The Rambling Otter: It’s because of the heat caused by friction.
@taig: Les: “My Dead Wife Lisa really wanted a late-age pregnancy. Then she got cancer and died. So after your kid arrives, I’m going to take it and raffle it off for Lisa’s Annual Charity Cancer Death Bazaar, okay? See you in nine months.”
The concept of TV as talking wallpaper, something on while people went about their lives, goes back to around 1970.
It’s even older than Shoe.
“Not going there!”
“I was just going to say — ‘You don’t suppose your grandfather’s decomposing body is offgassing in there, do you?'”
“Oh, sorry, I misunderstood. Tell me more!”
Blondie-Got to hand it to Blondie. After spending all day catering peoples’ parties and running her own restaurant she can still come home and make dinner for her family.
FBT: If you got nothin it’s usually better to say nothin. Don’t feel you need to live up to the little niche you created for yourself. We’re all better for it.
Funky Wrinkledbrains: “Do you suppose your folks were strangled by that maniac Peter Boyle impersonator in Sex Organ V.D.?” “We’re not that lucky.”
CRANKSHAFT: Is that piss-colored vaguely-Mickey-Mouse-ish sploosh on the driveway supposed to be Mopey Pete’s headlights? Because even in the Crankiverse, that’s not how headlights work.
What a Frazzhole!: So now, Frazzhole is superior because he doesn’t have the smarts to come in out of the rain?
@Bob Tice: “Let’s queue up the Beatles’ ‘Why Don’t We Do It in the Road?”
________________ _
or the Rutles’ “Why Don’t We Road It In The Dew?”
Bizarro – Henrietta Beak never speaks about her ne’er-do-well brother.
Frazz – Frazz is superior because he never lets a little downpour interfere with his athletic regimen. Has he ever mentioned that he runs?
Rex Morgan – “Eventful?” What comic strip is he reading?
There was potential for some wrongly accused drama, but it fizzled out pretty quickly.
Sherman’s Lagoon – I love the dog’s expression in the second panel. Dogs are good!
@brendancalling: I have five ginger cats, and they vary a lot in their levels and qualities of smarts. But they all pay attention to their own intuition. And when they sense something bad is going down, like hearing the cat carrier rattling, they don’t hang around asking each other if maybe perhaps it’s time to vanish. They just do it, which puts them ahead of Dawn.
@Poteet: Darn it! You made me look at that again, and it looks like a pair of balls.
I’m surprised Josh passed up today’s SFT, with #1 talking about selling #3’s meat to the butcher.