Comic strip jokes (mostly not funny) (not my jokes, my jokes are all funny)
Post Content
Beetle Bailey, 7/29/25
There’s a lot of Beetle Baileys where the joke is that Sarge has beaten Beetle into an undifferentiated mass of broken limbs and shattered organs for some minor infraction, but for my money this one is much, much funnier. Just imagine Sarge going red-faced with rage over this extremely sub-par bit of wordplay, grabbing Beetle by the shoulders and huffing and puffing a bit as the two of them grapple, and then stalking off, leaving Beetle with his uniform hiked partway over his head as we see here, unhurt but also humiliated. All the while Killer stood absolutely still, watching the whole thing go down and hoping he isn’t next.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/29/25
I took Snuffy’s whispering in the first panel as a sign that he wanted to go easy on Horace, either because he genuinely didn’t want to hurt the man’s feelings or because he knew that any perceived slight could lead to violence in Hootin’ Holler’s clan-based culture. But it turns out he’s willing to take some risks! Congrats to Snuffy Smith for producing a strip that actually subverted my expectations, for the first time [checks notes] ever???
Curtis, 7/29/25
Curtis has gotten a summer job helping take care of a semi-comatose old woman who turns out to have telekinetic powers, which I think is a pretty normal sentence to write, and the plot hasn’t risen to the interest level necessary for me to blog about it, until today. Static snow is, of course, an artifact of the age before the transition to digital TV in 2009, which now gives it a sort of old-timey spookiness, and it has always been foreign to smartphones and similar devices. A video taken on your phone that’s just been deleted is a mild mystery; a video taken on your phone that’s been replaced with static snow is deeply unsettling, and Curtis, as an aficionado of the horror genre, should hopefully recognize the truly terrifying situation in which he’s found himself now.
Heathcliff, 7/29/25
One thing I love about Heathcliff doing elaborate bits in Heathcliff is how everyone else seems to view them mostly with gentle bemusement, even the very elaborate ones. I’m not sure if Heathcliff built this stadium, a project that would’ve cost tens of millions of dollars and taken years, or if he merely somehow managed to gain control of an existing facility by agreement or force, but either way there would’ve been a lot of steps leading up to this moment, which presumably Grandpa and Iggy watched with their hands in their pockets, mostly in silence, before finally remarking, “Ah, yeah, this looks like an opening ceremony of some sort.”
164 replies to “Comic strip jokes (mostly not funny) (not my jokes, my jokes are all funny)”
I thought the first time Snuffy Smith subverted your expectations was when it became the first strip in your rotation to make a joke about cryptocurrency
Beetle Bailey : I thought Sarge had used dark magicks to make Beetle’s head shrink, just like at the end of Beetlejuice.
***********
Curtis : Which “she” is Curtis referring to when saying “she’s deleted it!!” Does he mean Gramma? Then, yes, Curtis is nonsensically claiming a video full of static is a video that’s been “deleted”. If he means Ms Harris, then his reaction is either “Since my video showed nothing, she deleted it and STILL doesn’t believe me!” or “Ms Harris deleted my video right after watching it. The only reason she’d do THAT is if she’s IN ON IT!”
**********
Slylock Fox : EXTRA DIFFERENCE : in the panel on the right, well… you know that level of Cuphead where it turns out the cat that eats the mouse boss, and ends up becoming the boss of the level, until it’s revealed the cat was actually a giant robot piloted by the mouse boss? Something like that is happening.
BB Jeez, if Sarge doesn’t appreciate silly puns, then this whole universe must enrage him like, every single da– oh, I think I finally understand this character…
Heathcliff Surely in the Meat Games it would be the meats themselves that compete? Silly enough as it is to imagine a hot dog taking on a flank steak in a 100m dash, it does recast this opening ceremony as some kind of human sacrifice ritual.
Beetle Bailey:
“I’ll give Sarge this. He uniformly straitjackets me!”
BGSS: The only information contained in the initial whisper that is missing from the punchline is Horace’s name, which I would argue is not needed to understand the joke.
B. Bailey: Sarge uses the hockey method of pulling the shirt over the opponent’s head before a pummeling. I’d have figured him more of a southern brawler type.
Heathcliff, 7/29/25: Olympia (1938, dir. Leni Riefenstahl)
“Horace thinks he’s funny but he ain’t”. Glass houses, “Barney Google and Snuffy Smith”. Glass houses
MW: I’m confused. Shouldn’t Olive be praising MARY?
RMMD: it was puzzling how Truck spoke with a closed mouth in Panel 1, then had a mouth drop in Panel 3. Oh oh, call 911, Wanda– the effects of a stroke are minimized with immediate treatment.
MANDRAKE: Narda looks at clouds and reaches back to high school lore
PHANTOM: Ive inown employers who’ve done something similar.
Heathcliff:
[Audience]: “What’s that pilloried furball up to now? Let’s sing about it!
“Oh, I wish I were an ostracized fur’s wiener
That is what I’d truly want to be-e-e
For if I were an ostracized fur’s wiener
Everyone would see the grub in me!”
BB: If it were any other man, I’d say he was distracted by Ms Buxley walking by, but it’s Sarge, so it was Cookie with a dozen doughnuts.
DtM: Maybe if Dad spent less money paying off tickets, Mom could have a store-bought broom, instead of a prop from “Roots.”
HEATHCLIFF: A backyard Olympic meat stadium? Hopefully, Heathcliff lives next to
the Forths.
RMMD: They will NOT think it’s great to have a “surprise little brother” who expects them to attend his root country gigs at podunk dives, surrounded by people called Mud, Truck and Buck. They got free of that when Papa Spuds kicked the bucket.
Josh, I am shocked that you ignored Depressive Bianca’s ‘Six Chix’ today. It perfectly compliments your headline.
“Horace thinks he’s funny but he ain’t”. TFW you love the Carmen Saeculare but couldn’t care less for the Satires and Epodes
BB: Are we meant to understand Beetle has always had a non-rhotic accent, and he’s been from the South all these years? Or did he put it on for this one but, outraging Sarge who feels very strongly about cultural appropriation of AAVE?
At least the Meat Games are inclusive: one of the flags appears to depict a donut with raspberry frosting.
Curtis: Curtis might have gotten away with it if he had been a bit quieter about it. Narrating his actions in the first panel can be forgiven; that’s an exigency of being a comic strip character. But screaming triumphantly in the second panel? That’s just poor judgment.
@Anonymous: Esactly what I thought when I read today’s ‘Curtis’. I spend too much time parsing ‘Curtis’, perhaps.
MW: High above, in an apartment overlooking the sidewalk, a sinister figure cracks the window blinds and watches the two females approach. “THIS time, I won’t miss,” Carlos Alora mutters to himself, as he pulls the air conditioner plug from the wall and forcefully pushes the unit out.
BB- as if any further proof was needed that Camp Swampy is taking government funding for nothing, is that the parade ground has so little use that it requires mowing.
Heath: Judging from the flags and letter color, it’s more humiliation forced upon Columbia University to host these games in its quad.
Beatoff Bailey – What Sarge really did was give Beetle a wedgie, but decency prevailed and spared us a look at his ass. For the only time in my life, I’m saying, “Thank God for the Hays Commission.”
BB: Okay, so we can’t see his eyes, but we can see his navel? Things have certainly changed since the “I Dream of Jeannie” days.
Seeing as everything reminds me of everything else, my mind went back to that show “The Proud Family” a slice-of-life about a Black family living in suburbia.
The sassy old grandmother only went by the name Suga Mama while one episode had her Sister (a TV Psychic) named Sista Spice show up who had telekinetic powers and was trying to corrupt Suga’s granddaughter Penny.
Oddly, Spice was never mentioned again after that episode, I guess being the villain of the episode, the entire family disowned her, because even in later episodes (and the sequel series) where they have family gatherings, she is never even mentioned once.
BB – Mow better blues….
BG&SS – Yeah – skip down to Archie. Anything’s better than this….
Curtis – Curtis has just had his little mind blown. The emphasis on little….
Heathcliff – It’s funny cuz…well…I’m sure there’s a high percentage of cereals and fillers in that tofu faux sausage….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
I genuinely love those five cats off to the side there. Three of them are having a fine time, just kinda vibin’, one is in some kind of holy rapture, and one is having the best goddamn day of his life while slowly drowning in a sea of felinity. (I can only assume that the flags and one raised paw in the background are indicating similar distress, but the cartoonist doesn’t wish us to be alarmed any more than we usually would be at any given Heathcliff strip.)
Beetle Bailey: To be fair to Sarge, “Mow or less” is the kind of wordplay you’d expect from a five-year-old, and when my son was five, I would have left him like this too. We had a contentious relationship.
MW: Not really sure that Olive understands what “One good turn…” means, and why when she said it did it come off as ominous??
GT We already had the “establishing Berlin” yesterday, so what is this? No, really – is that Jami, allowed out on his own? a random local? Mimi with a haircut?
JP So now Sophie’s boyfriend’s family / company is going to be part of this, with the Airbnb person part of the setup / trap for April? There’s entertaining nonsense like Sally Forth, and then there’s … this.
Heathcliff: We should consider the possibility that Heathcliff and Shylock Fox are set in the same universe, before and after the animal uprising. It would be ironic if humanity’s indulgence of their feline pets gave them the tools, and credit balances, to engineer the destruction of mankind.
@LTJpezcore1: Is she heartening back to when Mary saved her from drowning? And when I say “back” I mean all the way back, before Brigman was drawing this strip.
@Charterstoned: Hearkening. Spell-check.
DT: Chief – so what have you got? DT: We’ve have no suspects. There is no clear description of the assailant. We only know he/she is breaking into power stations. Why? no one knows. How? We haven’t really worked on that? Oh, and this person has some glowing zap gun and gives an electrical shock. Chief – well, that narrows it down!
JP: Please, please let the barista guy be “in on it” and the whole thing (job in Norway) was part of the whole scheme to trap April. The real landlady was killed long ago or was actually on some isolated vacation out of communication.
Slylock: the biggest difference is that in the first frame, the cat already ate papa mouse and baby mouse but wants more!
RMMD: Truck, truck – always thinking of the most optimistic result. I guess that is what keeps him going each day. Sure these grown men and women are going to love having a new little brother whom they’ve never known and who is walking proof of the infidelity of their mother. A sure fire hit! Maybe call your agent and Mud Mountain and see if you can make a song of it – “New baby brother”.
Phantom: Again, this is a very helpful message for all of the tyrants and despots in the world. Just use the application form and skip over the armed guards to control these miners!
GT: The creators are taking a page from the Judge Parker people. By including the images of Berlin, they now can write off part of their recent Berlin “work trip”, proving that their time was a necessary part of their work – gathering local color, reference material and images. Good job! There is still time to set up some Milford kid tobe a future olympian – and write off the next olympics!
MW: Just another day, when death crashes down from above, no need to wonder about what happened and such, just keep walking! Nothing to see here. Maybe it was doc ock battling Spiderman and they knocked over the AC unit. Maybe it was Daredevil fighting Bullseye or the Fantastic Four tangling with Silver Surfer. A good walk is not be interrupted!
MW – Not that we expect to get what we want, but wouldn’t have been great if April hadn’t pushed Mary out of the way and returned home to blithely report, “Mary got killed by a falling air conditioner. Oh, are you two still fucking?”
Sort of on that note, did anyone see what happened over the weekend at nearby Yankee Stadium?
Phillies fan gets to third base
Be sure and read the comments, too.
Also Beetle Bailey: Beetle obviously hasn’t discovered the magic of the hockey fight strap to prevent his jersey from getting pulled up over his head. Or the magic of being armed with a big stick and two razor-sharp blades. Even up that fight, Beetle! Earn your five in the penalty box!
If I were Curtis, I’d worry more about the telekinetic powers that are moving my hat.
MW: Mary is showing far more warmth and affection towards a fourteen year old girl than she ever has to the doctor she’s been cucking for decades.
@Ken: Ironic, yes, but nobody’s surprised that cats are fascists.
@The Rambling Otter: I mostly remember that the voice of Suga Mama was the woman who originally played Harriette Winslow on Perfect Strangers and Family Matters before she got booted to focus the show more on Urkel’s antics. There was also an Urkel expy named Myron who Suga Mama once called Urkel.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Then there was that Simpsons episode, where Moe screwed over Homer by taking credit for a drink he invented.
Homer was hearing the word Moe everywhere.
Marge: Bart, can you Moe the lawn today?
Bart: Only if you give me Moe money.
While simple it was at least something resembling a joke.
Curtis: The true horror is to come when Meta decides Curtis’ lady is perfect to fuel their latest AI platform.
Crankshaft: Lemme guess… ‘hijinks ensue,’ they never make it to the game and, irony of ironies, he has to make do with just getting another stupid shirt?
JP: Lemme guess, ‘Mrs. Birkrem’s house’ is just a front for Pavel Jr.’s criminal syndicate and this ‘Askel’ guy was in on it the whole time. Why else is he still hanging around instead of running for the hills? All this effort, the burner phones by Amazon, the coffee shop filled with plants waiting to jump April, up to and including the ‘job with the foundation,’ was just to get these two nitwits to Norway at the same time as April because of duh reasons. The whole *city* was in on it!
@Needless Exposition: Right! It’s kind of interesting.
That even though Myron seemed to be a deliberate intention to resemble Urkel.
It seems, if you have a black male nerd in a show/sitcom. He will inevitably eventually be compared to Urkel in some form, (the nerdier, the more likely the comparison) even if the creators weren’t going for Urkel.
Well, maybe it was more common to do so in the 90’s.
@The Rambling Otter: Don’t forget this exchange as well:
Lisa: When Bart’s done, can we Moe to the Moevies for the Moetinee?
Marge: Of course. All work and Moe play makes Moe a Moe Moe.
@Needless Exposition: I looked up, and her actress “Jo Marie Payton” was recently still doing her voice for the reboot/sequel show.
Despite she was an old lady in Family Matters back in the 90’s. She must be ancient by now, and still working!
That’s actually quite pleasant actually to see her still doing stuff.
If I wanted to hear a good joke I wouldn’t be reading Barney Google and Snuffy Smith. Give me the deadline-beating “This’ll do” I’ve come to expect!
@Needless Exposition: Hahaha! Oh yes!
BB: The wordplay is so lame, the lawnmower is running away. Run for it, Mowie!
@The Rambling Otter: It’s a shame she’s wasting her talent on the reboot which honestly has some terrible plots like victim blaming the token white girl for a hot guy having a preference for white girls when they all had boyfriends but accepted her dating Urkel because she was a dork. And then Trudy kicked Penny out of the house for coming home late and she was borderline abused by Suga Mama with the narrative taking Trudy’s side (as usual). The only one that seemed okay was the discovery that Penny’s little brother is autistic since the focus was mostly on Oscar learning how to accept Bebe’s autism and still finding a way for them to bond.
MW: Are Mary and Olive holding hands in P2?
Blondie Mashup: A simple change to the final panel.
Curtis: Jada Pinkett Smith can rock the bald babe look. Grammy Pearl? Not so much. She could magick up herself a nice wig, maybe one like NIchelle NIchols wore as Uhura.
Six Chix: “Funny” not “funnier.” Your comic would need to have some starting level of funny in order to use the “ier” ending. Which yours doesn’t.
Sally Forth: “Old beet stew.” I’m laughing.
@The Rambling Otter: The actress who played the grandmother on “Family Matters” was Rosetta LeNoire, who died in 2002 at age 90.
Jo Marie Payton played Harriette on “Family Matters” and voices Suga Mama on “The Proud Family,” but she isn’t ancient. She turns 75 next week.
Family Circus: Here’s your chance, Thel. Tip the box up, run some shipping tape over the seam, and set it by the curb with “$50” written on the side. With a half-hour, half your melonheads’ll be someone else’s problem.
Pluggers: You’re a plugger if you suffer from undiagnosed early stage Alzheimer’s. Again. Is this supposed to be relatable?
@The Quiet Man: Crankshaft I predict “your phone plan doesn’t work in Canada” and “didn’t download an offline PDF / ticket reference” will show up. They’ll be running around looking for free wi-fi and miss at least the start…
@Astroboy: That’s probably the best case scenario considering Mary’s grooming behavior.
Snuffy, Lukey, and Horace are all wearing the exact same black shirts with mustard-yellow patches on the elbows. Does Hootin’ Holler have a dress code, or are they in a fashion cult that doesn’t understand fashion?
@Needless Exposition:
@Joshua K.: Ooops!! I misread and thought that Needless E said Harriet was the grandmother.
My apologies
“Hey fellers, wanna hear a good joke? Then you are in the wrong strip!”
BGSS: Black shirts with yellow elbow patches are Hootin’ Holler’s gang colors.
@Needless Exposition: Honestly I don’t have Disney+ so I never actually have seen the reboot. I just liked that they got nearly everyone to reprise their roles.
I’ll take your info into consideration as a warning though.
Potential crossover? Spuds’ government name is Horace!!!!
@treetown, JP: I still hold that the Big Bad is the cat, and April’s dealings disrupted the catnip cartel.
RMMD-Say let’s go to that story. It’s probably more exciting than two people in a booth.
MW-“Oh, Olive, here and now with everyone watching?”
FC-“We’re poor aren’t we?”
Luann-Rule one of storytelling, don’t mention far better things that people could be reading. I would rather read ‘Family Circus’ compared to ‘Luann’.
So many memorable moments from past Meat Games. Who can forget the Meat Games in Berlin in 1936, where an American hot dog destroyed a German sauerbraten in the sprinting events?
Curtis. You know what’s even more amazing than making a small appliance float in the air? Eliminating all space and time so that everyone and everything, including the appliance, exists only in a flat colorless void.
“No, Sarge, the Haliburton subcontractor took care of it, just like they take care of cleaning the latrines, cooking and serving the food, and handling base perimeter security. You just have to accept that times have changed, and we’re warfighters now, not maintenance men and busboys.”
Once “Heathcliff” decided it did care anymore about readers or expectations about what a comic strips should be like, it went to do its own things, separated from the rest. We feared it would lead to brutal madness, like Kurtz in “Heart of Darkness”. Instead, it led to complete improv, non-sequiturs and non-sensical bullshit you can only laugh at, like Marlon Brando interpreting Kurtz in “Apocalypse Now”.
@CanuckDownSouth: I’m still holding out hope for “Crankshaft is arrested at the border for crimes against humanity.”
She did not delete it Curtis! She is simply protecting her privacy using the GDPR, which blocks access to your video. Next time, make your phone EU compliant!
“Woha, she’s levitating that fan! And she’s also using her telekinesis to make the blade rotate without any electrical cord being attached, which is even more impressive!”
Sonofabitch – I was kidding yesterday about a Luann-Family Circlejerk crossover when Luann had to clean up after a blurping kid named Jeffy. But today the blurper is Dolly. We can’t handle this type of world’s colliding.
I am not surprised at all the Brooke prefers shaved.
Heathcliff – “Meat Games.” That’s a John Lennon song, isn’t it?
BB: Maybe it’s residual Pearls Before Swine trauma, but I’ve come to really dislike the “setup-pun-offended reaction to pun” format in comic strips. It’s like the writer is too lazy to come up with a better joke, but doesn’t want us to think they can’t do better if they tried.
Curtis: This strip has a very weird vibe where 95% of the time Curtis is doing normal and semi-normal kid stuff–fighting with his brother, crushing on girls, coping with school and bullies and such–and then there’s an arc where things just get insane. Most of the time it involves Gunk, the kid with the caddy-corner eyes whose home country is apparently a breeding ground for that kind of thing, but as seen here it can just pop up anywhere. The only other strip I can think of that did this sort of thing was Funky Winkerbean, where you had Very Serious Arcs about cancer and gay proms alongside time-travel lockers and a talking cat which was the embodiment of clinical depression, and I’m not sure that’s something one would wish to emulate.
Heath: Heathcliff should rethink his branding. “Meat Olympics” sounds like either a bachelorette party game or a gay adult film series.
@50 Baja Gaijin:
“Big Teeth” grinnin’ Dagwood could be used to keep rowdy young children in line.
“I’ve got proof! Of an event that I was the only witness to! In an easily editable and highly suspect form! Clearly it’s time to get Dicastery for the Causes of Saints and James Randi involved!”
BB: The harshest thing in this situation is that Sarge expects the parade grounds to be mown using a standard push mower.
Curtis: I’m glad Josh explained the backstory here, because it looked to me like Curtis was filming a cancer patient for the lulz.
Phantom: So, we’ve seen the Lee Falk Avatar already had Kit picking off the Bad Guys one by one. I think he held off seeing the real denouement: Purple Stripeypants faces off against Human Resources and DOGE.
The ‘Cliff of Insanity – I just hope they worked the Meat Tank into the opening ceremonies. Children love the Meat Tank.
@Voshkod: Batty points out the Pizza Box Monster and laughs.
C’shaft: Didn’t Pam have physical tickets when she announced she’d got them as compensation for ruining her husband’s beloved shirt?
DT: Um, yeah? As far as common bonds go, that’s not exactly the purple group in Connections.
Dustin: Dustin may have a limited skill set, but he’s fluent in corporate BS.
GT: Really trying to justify that trip to Berlin as a business expense, eh Rachel?
JP: I’m going to gently suggest that if you’ve moved to another continent for work purposes, you should make living arrangements slightly more permanent than an AirBnB.
<MT: Tragic death of Steve Irwin notwithstanding, stingrays are pretty chill most of the time–I kissed one in the Cayman Islands. Having a slide constantly spitting humans into their habitat would probably test their patience, however.
MW: “All debts are paid, Mary Worth. When my ascension begins, there will be no quarter.”
“Understood.”
*both nod gravely in the manner of opponents who deeply respect one other but are nonetheless honor-bound to fight to the death*
Phantom: So, is this more or less evil than companies that go through applications and weed out the ones that mention children, families, and anything else that indicates the prospect actually has a life outside of their job?
RMMD: “The good news is, either way it doesn’t affect us!”
Beetle Bailey – Dad jokes are too popular on the Internet to complete assault Beetle over, so Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC is adapting to changing tastes. Good to see they can adjust with the times. Maybe they can be funny eventually.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith – The writers of Barney Google and Snuffy Smith finally realize this hillbilly burlesque should really lean into vaudeville style verbal wit. Good to see they can adjust with the times their strip would have been funny.
Curtis – Recently the opening line “The sky above the port was the color of television, tuned to a dead channel.” from William Gibson’s Neuromancer has been circulating with people talking about how it completely different today form when it was written in 1984. While Ray Billingsley cannot adjust to the times, shifting the narrative toward Sci-Fi/Paranormal is at least an interesting choice.
Heathcliff – Heathcliff intentionally does not keep up with the times. Next year Blondie will have Dagwood doing a weak food-based Olympics “joke”, but Heathcliff intentionally chooses an off-year to do it. He’s making the times adjust to him.
Curtis: If only this storyline could end with Curtis getting his head exploded like that guy in Scanners.
@Little Guy: (Removing my comment, was asking about something but probably best that I don’t know)
@Ettorre: That’s why I come to joshreads dot com, for the Carmen Saeculare jokes. Hats off. (PS, Snuffy is right–Horace ain’t funny.)
BB: Killer knew full well he wouldn’t get the Sarge treatment. Those hands are reserved solely for Beetle. It’s the kind of relationship that makes you long for the days of “Don’t ask, don’t tell.”
Heathcliff’s world building begins to make more sense if one assumes these are not actual cat gatherings but, rather, increasingly elaborate and depraved events put on by a convention of little people furries. Calling the latest get-together the “meat convention” is the giveaway.
Heathcliff – Well, I see that my nomination of The Tofu Games has gone down to predictable defeat in the fan election to name the logical series of sequels to The Hunger Games.
Curtis – Is there any way to read the words in the third panel that would make sense? It looks like there’s a hyphen between “static” and “snow,” but was it really supposed to be an em dash? What inflection is there supposed to be on the “okay”s?
Six Chix – Well, they certainly couldn’t be any less funny.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Everyone in this club seems to be sound asleep”
“They’ll wake up soon”
[Sign: CLUB FOR OGLERS]
“They need to take a lot of short naps throughout the day!”
“Why?”
“Such intense ogling is very tough on the eyes!”
HC – When you got an event called “The Meat Games” with a blazing cauldron, flags celebrating various cuts of meat and thousands of cheering cats, you’d think Grandpa and Iggy would start wondering just why they were invited and what their role in all this is supposed to be.
There is a way to make a video taken on a smartphone render as ‘static snow’. If the thing you’re videoing is highly radioactive, it can mess up the camera and the result is a lot like the image from an untuned TV (albeit, most TVs haven’t displayed static since before the switch to flatscreens). The old lady was assainated by russian agents, is what this is telling us.
Crankshaft: Winnipeg is at home Friday and then August 14th. Set your expectations accordingly as to how long this arc continues.
GT: This is whistling, right? What’s the last panel supposed to be?
Lockhorns: The unnamed guest in their house is there for a sparsely-attended intervention.
Leroy qualifies for the bulk discount on them, actually.
H&L: The race is on. Can Thirsty drink $30 of whatever cheap swill they place in front of him before his behavior gets him kicked out?
FC: Shoo, kiddos. Thel’s cabana boy has an appointment in ten minutes.
The webcomic “Axe Cop” is probably one of the most fascinating mediums I’ve ever seen.
-Was written by the hyper, innocently violent, imaginative ramblings of a 6 year old.
-Drawn by his professional artist adult brother.
There was nothing like it before or after.
That was years ago though… but it was a classic as it was.
Phantom: “It’s as evil a con as I’ve ever heard…”
That’s nothing. Why, the gang that enslaved all these miners went so far as to STEAL THE RHINEGOLD.
Curtis – So Grandmama snow crashed Curtis’ phone. Curtis should go home and watch Patrick, a medical horror film from the eighties which never really answers the question “Telekinesis in a narcissist, or demonic possession?” Thankfully Grandmama seems mostly interested in three things:
Having the writings of Martin Luther King read to her so that she can at once reminisce about her youth and edify the clueless whippersnapper.
Sipping tea.
Playing the clueless whippersnapper for a fool.
All worthy goals.
Zits – Later that day, Jeremy suddenly experiences an inexplicable sharp stabbing pain, right under his frosting.
@TheDiva: Maybe it’s residual Pearls Before Swine trauma, but I’ve come to really dislike the “setup-pun-offended reaction to pun” format in comic strips. It’s like the writer is too lazy to come up with a better joke, but doesn’t want us to think they can’t do better if they tried.
I’m largely a big PBS fan, but the second I glance at the strip and see Pastis in the final panel I’m out for the day for exactly this reason.
@ValdVin: There was a Judge Judy case, where a guy was buying a 4 dollar champagne. Give the cashier a 50 (despite he had two 20s) and was shortchanged a few dollars, so he came back causing a massive scene calling her a THIEF and even despite the manager gave him his money back, he still took the cashier to court three times since, just because he was enraged that she still had her job, and he wanted her fired “It’s the principle of the thing!”
Good ol’ Judge Judy, tore into him, for wasting everyone’s time and told him to get a life.
Curtis: Mrs. Harris’s “Okayy – okay” is supposed to be her odd verbal tic. Like her strange fashion choices, it’s a cheap n’ cheezy method for establishing character. What I’m left with is “she looks funny and she talks funny.” Not funny-ha ha.
6Chx: Oh dear, how can we expect Xinuse to come up with mere jokes, when the misery she suffers is the deadliest in all human history? Get a job at the DMV, Bianca, well away from the funny papers.
@TheDiva:
Tom Batiuk: Want Drama? I got drama! Want surreal? I have surreal! Want actual humour…? Get lost.
Curtis: I know that’s supposed to be a fan on the wall, but let’s be serious, it looks like a sprinkler system spraying water on her 24/7
“Horace thinks he’s funny, but he ain’t,” could be applied to BARNEY GOOGLE & SNUFFY SMITH as a whole!
Heathcliff: There was a Sesame Street parody of the Hunger Games, where Cookie Monster played “Cookieness Evereat”
And was going through a kid friendly Hunger Games, which was mostly just solving food puzzles.
In the end
Cookie Monster: Good thing this is over, me never doing this game EVER AGAIN.
Other character: You do know that there are at least two sequels, right?
Cookie Monster: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!
Snuffy Smith: Horace writes the comic, making him Snuffy’s God and creator. Better not piss him off Snuffy, you might end up in a Z-Budget Cornfield.
@The Rambling Otter: Ah, I remember it well. Doesn’t involve the constant violence so characteristic of father-son relationships, but you can’t have it all, I suppose.
@Ukulele Ike: Get a job at the DMV, Bianca, well away from the funny papers.
It’s funny because Greg Wilkins would have her for a co-worker and he’d have plenty to say about her.
@Rita Lake: The joke of the Century
@The Rambling Otter: In Z-budget corn field you don’t steal chickens; chickens steal you!
@Baja Gaijin:
More teeth than the Osmonds.
@pugfuggly: #3
“…imagine a hot dog taking on a flank steak in a 100m dash”
I think a hamburger patty would easily win, being as it’s already wheel-shaped and can simply roll down the track.
Curtis-And in seven days Curtis died.
@Liam: Luann-Rule one of storytelling, don’t mention far better things that people could be reading. I would rather read ‘Family Circus’ compared to ‘Luann’.
For all the grief I give Luann, even I wouldn’t go as far as to say that Family Circus is preferable.
@richardf8: CROSSOVER OF THE CENTURY. Bianca could be Greg’s personal Joe Btfsplk, making him miss the bus, drop his lunch in the toilet, fall down flights of stairs. Give him painful boils. It fits in with Billingsley s penchant for the supernatural, and Xunise’s endless whining and self-pity.
Plus, it would be funny if all that stuff happened to Greg.
BG&SS: Excuse me, Snuffy, but I think you’ll find I’ve made it onto the float several ti… Oh, different Horace, never mind.
DT: Ah, my favourite part of a Costello story; the part where the Major Crimes Unit ve-e-e-ery slowly and carefully work out something they already know. “We checked the records for cases that featured a weird glowing gun, and upon examining the reports, we realised that every one of those cases involved a weird glowing gun!”
JP: I see two possibilities here. One is that the Mystery of the Missing Landlady is directly connected to the CIApril nonsense somehow, which means Glen’s entirely legitimate-sounding charity was a front for his family’s Russian mob connections the whole time. The other is that it’s not, and Ces has decided to do an entirely unrelated Sophie Drew Mystery in the middle of CIApril nonsense. I can’t decide which of these possibilities is stupider, but I’m sure that in a few short weeks, Ces will have convinced me it’s whichever one he’s doing.
Either way, I’ll bet that Leah not only isn’t really Mrs Birkrem’s granddaughter, she isn’t even from Wisconsin!
Phantom: Look, I know you have to be careful with your personal information and it’s easy to slip up, but I feel like most people would correctly identify “please give the full addresses of your loved ones in order of how motivated you’d be by threats to their lives” as a bit of a red flag.
Pluggers: Boy, I hate it when I relate to one of these. I can switch on the near-constant loop of Murder, She Wrotes that some of the higher-number channels in the UK fill their time with and think “Yep, I’ve definitely seen this one more than once, and I remember nearly everything about it. Except, of course, who the murderer is.”
RMMD: One of those options involves conflict and drama, so I think we do know, Truck.
S4th: And more of Ces unable to decide what story he’s telling. Ces, if you don’t care about the retconned painting flashbacks enough to actually show them (and for the record, I think you’re right not to) why even set them up? Why not say the painting thing was resolved with Kevin’s confession and focus entirely on Hil’s adventures at the Deathtrappiest Place on Earth?
@The Quiet Man: JP: Lemme guess, ‘Mrs. Birkrem’s house’ is just a front for Pavel Jr.’s criminal syndicate and this ‘Askel’ guy was in on it the whole time.
Makes sense. That’s probably why he had to really quickly dye his hair from brown to blond just before they started running, so April couldn’t identify him later!
I’m waiting for the Heathcliff entry where he becomes an angry god wreaking vengeance on the world, and the family still has its same level of bemusement.
@Tonio:
Isn’t that what the strip already is? Or do you mean, like, with actual on-panel fatalities being depicted?
Broom Hilda: 4th wall… ACHIEVED!
Pluggers: It’s ha-ha funny because pluggers have dementia. What a comedic gold mine!
Luann: Looks like the Evansii are doing a Bil Keane tribute week. Here’s the rest of the installments:
Mommy! Billy’s comparing the size of his weiner to the food!
Mommy! Daddy’s hitting up on that DeGroot girl!
Daddy! Mommy just left with that big, hunky Jack guy!
FC: All I can say is Thel’s rocking that summer shorts ensemble. She’s flashing more skin than every female member of the Luann cast put together.
@Horace Broon: Re Pluggers: The positive side of this is that I can enjoy reading the same mystery novels over and over, as long as I wait about four years in between readings.
@Sequitur: Broom-Hilda has Horace Syndrome.
9CL – Competently executed bit, with no impenetrable walls of text. No references to actresses who have been dead for decades (“Myrna Loy”).
Two Stars!!!
@The Rambling Otter: And the Peeta character was “Pita,” who was a…well, you probably can figure it out.
Cookie Monster movie parodies were a pretty common thing when the Divalings were in that demographic. My favorite was probably the the take on James Bond, which featured a villainess called Ladyfinger and spot-on parodies of the Skyfall theme song and Judi Dench’s M (“Hello? Bossy English lady?”).
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: Myrna Loy. Coincidentally, I’ve been on a pre-Code Hollywood kick lately, and watched Thirteen Women (1932) on Internet Archive last weekend.
Stars Myrna Loy as a “half-breed” serial murderer a few years before she got all wholesome for the casting directors, and she’s spookier than her contemporaries Lugosi and Karloff ever were. She has a great speech in the last reel about hating all the white women she’s been killing for ostracizing her at college. (It also has the only film performance of Peg Entwhistle, the actress famous for suiciding off the top of the “Hollywood” sign)
Grandpa and Iggy (had to reread the post for their names, I was about to call them Old Man and Fat Blond Kid) are either right at the foot of the stairs, or floating several meters above the ground, depending on the size of this stadium. The most interesting part to me is how they could have ended up there in the first place. I like to imagine it was pure happenstance. “Wait a second, this isn’t the Summer Greek Fest…eh, close enough.”
Luann: They’re making it sound like little tykes are just nonstop spewing on the table and spilling their drinks whenever they go out, which is nothing like what I see when I go to eat.
But it is heavily implied this is the Keane family, maybe that’s it.
@Baja Gaijin: Excellent! But be careful, you don’t want to start thinking too much like the writers! You might get stuck!
Curtis: We’re missing the obvious. Grammy Pearl’s daughter put a VPN Torrent App on Curtis’ phone, and now he’s able to watch HBO Original Programming.
Heathcliff-That’s the sacrifice from a dog they neutered.
Curtis: This isn’t paranormal. Digital cameras will actually show static snow under the right conditions, like in this video where someone puts a GoPro through a food irradiation plant. It’s a good thing Curtis likes spending time at the hospital, since he now has cancer.
@TheDiva: Haha, yes!
MT: Soooo, MT, you think you can end my little rants by coming up with a storyline so dumb and bizarre that I’ll just throw my hands in the air and quit reading. Eh? EH? Well, you got another think coming. I’m sticking around, by gadfrey!
*cripes, a resort with a stingray pond, where’s my hip flask*
@Little Guy: And the big fat cat was the one who gave the orders to have that guy killed and wear concrete overshoes in the earlier arc. It all ties together!
“There can be cheese already INSIDE the brats now, Heathcliff! Do you believe in miracles?!”
Today in Reality Check we are given a term for a specific bodily function combo.
@Sequitur:
It’s no “poosturbate.”
@Poteet: Cherry remembers what happened to Steve Irwin. Evidently the designers and builders of the park have either forgotten or it’s all a trap of some kind.
Late Thread Cuisine: What a dish is fish! It’s not SPAM.
BGSS: “Horace thinks he’s funny, but we’ve all heard that ‘Saepe stilum vertas, iterum quae digna legi sint scripturus’ line before.”
Curtis: The bedridden old lady has psychic powers and uses them to gaslight a 10-year-old. How soon can she get her own spinoff?
C-Shaft: Whatever the tech-“savvy” equivalent of a Plugger is, Jeff’s that.
DT: The gun’s glow matches Tess’s eyes and sweatshirt, in case you assumed butch lesbians couldn’t accessorize.
Dustin: I dunno. Maybe try your luck with a Blondie crossover? Dithers’s nephew quit, he wasn’t fired.
GA: They didn’t know she’d eventually grow teeth, and thought fringed keratin plates might grow in. Neither they nor any of their friends had seen a human baby before.
GT: Day 2 of Berlin. Nothing is happening, but they’re definitely in Berlin. Jami is, anyway.
JP: The bad guys, whoever they may be, have taken over the house where Sophie and Reena are boarding. Which also happens to be a place all the locals know, and will be able to detect something off within seconds. The state of competence among Judge Parker villains.
Luann: So yesterday’s Family Circus bit was no accident. Nor has it gone anywhere. I thought at first the strip had failed to update for today.
MW: You’re Mary Worth. Which of these things do you find most “amazing”? A young girl with an arguable claim to psychic powers? The same girl pushing you out of the way of a falling AC unit? Or is it her grasp of ancient idioms like “one good turn deserves another.” Keep in mind, you’re Mary Worth.
Phantom: They assign a dollar value to you and your family. Not only is it an evil con, it’s based on a bad pun.
Phantom: Isn’t that the essay you write when applying to a college?
BG&SS: Revised to fit in one panel…
Horace: Hey, fellers, wanna hear a good joke?
Snuffer: Why, is Cyrus coming?
@White Rabbit: Yes, Cyrus is coming. CAN YOU DIG IT?
@Ukulele Ike: #127: Peg Entwhistle fun fact: In her only marriage Entwhistle was briefly married to actor Robert Keith, making her the stepmother of actor Brian Keith.
@141 Baja Gaijin:
So… you have to serve it on a fish platter that floats in water with fish swimming around it so people might get an idea that this is a fish meal and not a green peas extravaganza.
Got it!
Luann: What hilarity… will Billy spill something tomorrow?
Luann: I almost want to check Family Circus to see if they’re syncing up.
Except
1- I’m not that desperate.
2- That would imply that Jeff drew new strips from scratch.
@Sequitur: Fish croquettes NEVER look like fish. That way you can serve them to people who say they hate fish and then laugh behind their backs.
I’ve never made canned salmon (or any other fish) croquettes, or cakes, of loaves, or whatever, but I like the idea behind them. I love crab cakes, I enjoy most canned fish, I cook nearly every kind of meatball. Baja’s recipe tonight seems like a reasonable enough experiment. (Skip the peas)
@75 Sequitur: I think we found the reason why Daggy rarely has close-ups in his comic strip.
@116 Horace Broon: on Pluggers: The killer is always Jessica Fletcher.
@130 treetown: AAAAhhh!!!
There’s a funny joke by Zach Weinersmith. An academic complains: “In academia we have this terrible thing ‘Publish or perish'”. A normal person answers “We too. It’s called ‘do your job or get fired'”. I normally have a ton of grace for Bianca Xunise, for her personal problems. But this attitude “How dare you to ask me to do my job!?!?” is frankly grating. If your argument is that you are too sad about the world to make jokes, maybe writing comics is not the job for you and you should leave it to someone willing to do it!
@148 Sequitur: The Peastravaganza is tomorrowthread. The fish plate only looks as if it’s been involved in a pee-stravaganza.
@151 Ukulele Ike: Skip the peas? Peas are 90% of the meal! You may as well as have a wagon-wheel pie, hold the SPAM and Veg-all.
@The Rambling Otter:
#149. LUANN: PJ. I can’t wait to hear what PJ spits (up). A born rapper.
@Dr. Pill: I actually googled “stingray pond” and found that stingray ponds are part of some kind of colorful online experience called “Stardew Valley.” I absolutely refuse to investigate further. I have my pride, theoretically.
@Poteet: My sister and I have been playing Stardew Valley for years, and this is the first I’ve heard of Stingray Ponds in the game.
@Baja Gaijin: Does that recipe say “colon salt”???!!! Unless heavily sedated, I am NEVER going to eat “colon salt.” Enough is enough.
@The Rambling Otter: Hmm. Was I actually awake when I found that online? *thinks for a moment* Yes. 99% sure.
@treetown: Re RMMD: Mud had the mentality of a 12 year old when he was introduced and months of intensive therapy with a guy who turned out to be Rene Belluso replaced it with the mentality of a 4 year old. He’d be Truck’s perfect collaborator for this.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Cyrus is coming. Oh, you better hide your heart, your lovin’ heart.
#160. BETTY: Right, Bubba is an old hippie. Are all old hippies Pluggers now?
@158 Poteet:
I do believe that’s onion salt.
@Poteet: Well, in the game, you can set up fish ponds, and breed fish in them.
But I completely forgot that Stingrays are a very rare fish that you can obtain in the game.
So Stingray Ponds now do register for me.