Mostly old people problems
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Beetle Bailey, 1/14/26

I feel like if you have an elderly authority figure looking startled and somewhat confused and shouting “Take some notes!” and then immediately afterwards passing out, and his subordinates are gleeful about it because it means they don’t have to do work, that’s a little less “Ha, this is a zany situation” and a little more elder abuse. It’s sadly not that unheard of for a powerful but ailing person’s staff to basically puppet them for an extended period of time, and it’s all fun and games until, in this case, the area of the United States protected by Camp Swampy is invaded by enemy forces and no competent general officer is present to coordinate defensive operations.
Mary Worth, 1/14/26

I’m not sure how old Ian is supposed to be so I guess I won’t call this “elder abuse” per se but it’s clear that his mind has been broken by Toby and Sunny. Look at his sleepy, dopey smile as Sunny cackles evilly literally inches in front of his face! This is some real “He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother” shit right here, only with a parrot.
Shoe, 1/14/26

To me, one of the most depressing things about the Perfesser and Skyler’s home is that there’s exactly one place to sit in their living room, which tells us volumes about the relationship between the uncle and his barely tolerated nephew/ward. Today we see that even when they eat out together, the Perfesser insists on sitting as far away from his nephew as possible.
Luann, 1/14/26

When I started commenting on Luann again, did I know things were going to end up less than a year later with Luann getting propositioned to go fuck over by the dumpsters? No, of course not. Obviously not. Different choices would’ve been made had I known, I’ll tell you that much.


48 replies to “Mostly old people problems”
Mary Worth:
“Of course, on the positive side, the fire might have ended up consuming the entire complex, which means that the world would have been rid of Mary and those blasted muffins of hers!”
Luann: Dumpster diving meets muff diving!
Now that he’s cheering “After All” and cackling, I ponder – have we ever really taken note of Sunny’s red eyes? Is that actually a parrot thing? Or now, at long, long last, is the Hellraiser-type shit finally gonna start, please God?
MW I am picturing Ian as the dog in the This is fine meme, with the flames replaced by piles of bird-destroyed things, and the floor covered in guano
RMMD: It’s cute because the blond kid thinks an ‘operation’ can undo his lobotomy.
Mary Worth:
“In the comic strip world of instant resolution, I forgive Sunny for:
— attacking me unprovokedly;
— ruining my Sir Richard Whomever playbill;
— demolishing my faculty excellence award;
— calling me a pompous axx; and
— soiling my shoes repeatedly,
all because he happened to smell smoke that might or might not have been of any consequence.”
It’s Luann, guys. They’re not gonna have dumpster area sex, she just really needs to tell Phil about those couple days where she was a stick figure. Phil, resplendent in his one garment that is not scrubs, will be too busy thinking about scrubs to notice anyway.
See? I TOLD you not to read Luann today! This is like that “Monster At The End Of This Book” book, only instead of comical pictures of Grover failing to stop you, each day is going to get you one panel closer to these two, ****ing in a car surrounded by trash and raccoons.
You’d think Buxley would be a WHOLE lot more disconcerted by Halftrack’s right hand placement throughout this interaction.
I feel like this is as good a time as any to point out that, other than the repeated shitting on the nearest article of clothing, not one thing Sunny has done represents the species’ normal behavior. But then I suppose you could say the same thing about Toby.
MW: So, the Camerons live in a coal mine, Wilbur lives in a shit hole, and Mary lives inside her head. Gotta say, that Charterstone complex sure has some unexpected options when it comes to amenities.
MW: Any Mystery Science Theater 3000 fans here? I just want to say that I’m reading Sunny having the exact same voice as Coily the Spring Sprite. “No springs! Ha ha ha!”
SHOE: Is Roz throwing the crispy bugs into omelets? Exactly what is the level of anthropomorphism here?
GT: If Dr Jekyll were a high school coach.
LUANN: Why do I feel like while Luann is thinking hot romance, Phil is thinking a game of Hangman? The guys in this strip tend to be pretty oblivious.
GT – Chill Bill, an unsuccessful early Tarantino draft.
Luann – There have got to be people dying regularly at that nursing home. Couldn’t Phil-her-up and Inner Beauty tear one off in one of the vacated beds before they bring in another soon-to-die person?
“Nothing beats the smell of brewed coffee and freshly zapped bugs, just the right kind of breakfast for bird-people like us.”
A zapper in the office would help Miss Buxley avoid getting bugs in her permanently opened mouth.
is one of the blessings or curses of twenty years of Comics Curmudgeonry that you forget that Luann is like when you’re not looking directly at it? Because “Luann is going to get propositioned to ‘park’ by a dumpster” is the kind of thing you should have known.
MW- so is this problem solved? Since Mary actually made an appearance on this one, I guess the rest of the month will be her victory lap
Shoe — Um, don’t birds eat bugs? An unironic last panel in Shoe would represent a break from SOP as much as the suggestion that Luann might do the nasty. . .
@Schroduck: I hear Sunny in the voice of Chief Keef.
@Pozzo: I don’t know which part of that formula to retch over first.
BB: I think you mean “stroke sessions”. That definitely looks like an infarction.
MW: You know, Toby, the thing about canaries in the coalmine is that they warn miners by dying. I’d still keep an eye on Ian…
Shoe: “I know that that sounds sarcastic, but it’s really not: fried bugs smell great. We’re birds!”
Luann: I was going to say that this would be funny if it escalated even further, but I’m not really sure what comes after ‘sex in a dumpster’. ‘Sex in a manure pond’? “Sex in medical waste’? Seems like differences in degrees but not kinds…
Beetle Bailey: I am here to tell you that the single most important skill in visiting elderly dementia patients is the ability to smile, nod, and wait until they fall asleep. You meet them where they’re at and make sure they’re covered by a blanket, invasion by Canadia or no.
Alice: YIPE!
GT: “Collier!” of course, is the new “Six-Seven!” All the kids are saying/shouting it at incongruous moments to the confused chagrin of their elders.
@Schroduck: @matt w: Funny, I hear this guy.
Blondie Tough choice on what makes the Bumsteads more out of touch today – never having heard of paperless bills, cutting up a credit card to end it rather than calling customer service to close the account, or thinking anyone cares about “stimulating the economy” jokes now instead of inflationary woes.
Luann: There you go again, drawing your logical, inescapable inferences about s-e-x, if you know what I mean.
@Schroduck: I’ve seen that episode! “Honey, get the swatter!”
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Go for the laundry room. It’s warm, it’s private, and if you’re lucky it’s loud enough that no one will hear a screamer.
MW: How exactly is Sunny hovering that closely between two people? When I’ve been around birds flying in the house, there’s a mini-whirlwind of hair, feathers, and arms flailing about. Is this one of those AI fakes I’ve heard so much about?
Luann: Meanwhile at the back of the line, the ambulance waiting to transport an elderly patient to the ER is waiting behind a long line of cars. When informed the patient died waiting, Phil calmly asserts that death is a type of recycling, anyway.
Luann – Dear Penthouse, I never thought this would happen to me, but one day my high-maintenance girlfriend agreed to indulge my public sex fantasy.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: In the TV show “Grey’s Anatomy,” they were always able to fnd a supply room somewere.
Luann-This is Luann we are talking about. Sex is the very last thing she would be propositioned over.
RMMD-Rex is annoyed that he is not performing the surgery. “C’mon, Dave. Whose name is that in the title,” Rex says yelling at his agent.
MW-And end story. No need for two weeks of Mary pontificating.
FC-Mommy’s hungover.
Luann-They’re going to play hand puppets out behind the dumpsters.
@Schroduck: Where does Sunny fit into God’s plan for us?
MW: Honestly, given that Ian was too stupid to chase a bird out a window himself, he deserves to have his mind broken. My only sympathies lie with the students who have to take classes from this moron.
They are birds. Birds eat bugs. The Perfesser isn’t 100% serious here then why am I wasting my time reading a comic about birds?
***
I get that the possibility of getting caught is a major part of the thrill of having sex in a public area, but when it gets to a point where it’s pretty much likely just call it a day and rent a motel room and try pony play or pegging or something else that’s different and forbidden.
Luann – This is what happens when your boyfriend gets all his sex advice from “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.”
Luann – Whether surrounded by recyclers or by a dumpster, car fucking can get you arrested. Reese McGuire, then with the Toronto Blue Jays, found out this is possible even on a solo car date.
And if you do a Reese McGuire, you leave yourself vulnerable when you get into a Fuck You match. (Be sure and what this link – it is hilarious.)
Mary Worth: Why would you mix half a cliched metaphor with reality? Imagine a DA saying, “Looks like we were barking up the wrong tree! Or, in this case, barking up the wrong… wrongly executed man, amirite?” It and “parrot in a coal mine” make the same amount of sense!
Shoe: I remember being fascinated by bug zappers as a kid, so this resonates with me. That said, you know what helps keep the bugs out of your restaurant, Roz? Walls! Walls keep bugs out of restaurants!
“Yep, I can charge insectivorous birds for freshly cooked insects and I don’t have to do the cooking! I’m a fuckin’ genius!”
Do neither of these two losers have a bedroom? Why do they have to fuck in the carpark?
@A Grave Mind:
You’d think Buxley would be a WHOLE lot more disconcerted by Halftrack’s right hand placement throughout this interaction.
Explains why the General’s desk has a modesty shield.
I for one welcome Charterstone’s new parrot overlord. Think of the potential shenanigans! (Or don’t, because Sunny will inevitably be forgotten once the next plotline rolls around, but a girl can dream, right?)
@Victor Von:
MW: Thank you! That was bugging the hell out of me too.
MW: Toby, meanwhile, is suddenly overwhelmed by the terrible feeling that she is being watched—judged—by some unseen viewer just out of sight. “Is that Mary? Please let that be Mary,” she thinks, her smile frozen into a grimace, her eyes swiveling as far to the side as possible, straining to see this invisible presence spying at her through through some kind of “fourth wall.” The mists of reality part of fleeting moment and she sees it: The Curmudgeon. And it’s gone. The mists descend. The parrot, frozen midair, resumes its flapping.