The comments don’t actually make sound, that’s a metaphor
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Mary Worth, 2/23/26
Yes Yes! YES!!! We did it, we endured the parrot storyline and its aftermath and have been rewarded by a near-forgotten Mary Worth plot-shifting staple: a pool party! And this pool party features an exciting new character: a dapper widower whose year-long period of mourning is now over so it’s once again legal for him to speak to a woman. “I wonder how he’s doing,” Toby says idly. “I wonder what he thinks about parrots. I wonder if he has more money than, say, an English professor at a second-tier state university. I mean, you don’t go around wearing an ascot in public because you’re poor.”
Dennis the Menace, 2/23/26
I feel like Dennis the Menace may be spending too much time on Dennis insulting his mother’s cooking and harassing his elderly neighbor and not enough time exploring the reasons why the Mitchells are apparently bouncing from denomination to denomination. It seems like Alice in particular is on a spiritual journey and Henry is getting sick of it. “Look, I don’t care if we’re Presbyterians or Unitarian Universalists or snake-handlers or whatever,” he told her, “but I’m not coming until you settle on one.”
Pluggers, 2/23/26
There’s a lot to think about here. My initial instinct was that this plugger had to be at home — pluggers don’t work in front of a computer, they have real blue-collar jobs that involve, like, tools or something — and so this plugger has come home from a hard day’s work and is exemplifying proper life-work balance by dozing off while reading the headlines on Yahoo! News. But then I began to suspect that, in our fallen, post-industrial age, even a plugger’s professional life is dominated by the glow of a screen, and so this plugger is supposed to be “working” and after eight hours of this will head home to watch sports from his recliner, where he’ll also fall asleep. Which interpretation is correct? Sound off in the comments!
231 replies to “The comments don’t actually make sound, that’s a metaphor”
MW:
“My goodness! — I didn’t think that what the two of them are doing on this screen was anatomically possible!”
Mary Worth:
“Never mind that we haven’t consoled him or so much as had any contact with him whatsoever in the year since his wife passed. I’m bored! — let’s go talk to him now!”
MW- a year since his wife died, and this is the firstvwe heard of it? Damn it Mary, all the stories in the past year have been so weak, I think you could have made time to check on your neighbor’s mental health. Turn in your meddle muffins!
DtM:
The ill-fitting outfit the Rev is sporting is better suited to academia.
MW: “At the Charterstone pool party,” who doesn’t wear an ascot to the social event of the year? Frankly, Mary and her protégé are seriously underdressed.
Pluggers:
You know you’re a plugger when you stare at computer screen backgrounds the way you used to stare at TV test patterns in the ’50s and ’60s.
The work/life balance issue is, for me, eclipsed by the hand/finger balance issue. Do Pluggers have one hand with seven fingers, or two hands — one with three, one with four?
“you don’t go around wearing an ascot in public because you’re poor” …or young.
FC-Oh no. You are going to school to infect your classmates.”
MW-A widower? A daughter? With the way he’s dressed I would assume Harvey Hart’s daughter is adopted or that he is a confirmed bachelor.
Pluggers: A Plugger’s work-life balance would make a tech startup employee in China say “Whoa, buddy, take some time for yourself.”
DTM: Looking back through archives shows that religions come and go but one thing in constant in the Mitchell’s faith: their ministers must always have the most freakishly long necks and twisted torsos.
MW: Don’t you just hate it when you invite Vincent Price to your pool party but he just spends all his time on his phone?
It’s not an Ascot, it’s a day cravat.
MW: Judging by the Harvey’s blissed-out expression, I wouldn’t interrupt him, ladies. Unless you’re into Widows With Walkers Gone Wild.
GT: “Ms” and “Miz” sound exactly the same when spoken. When is someone going to tell Keri just how much of an asshole they are?
MW: There doesn’t appear that too many people are at this pool party. Are Mary Worth pool parties the equivalent of a Hyacinth Bucket candlelight suppers?
Putting all my chips on it now, Mary and Toby heard “confirmed bachelor” and assumed it meant “widow.”
Dennis appears to be wearing his shirt and coat over his red overalls, he really half-assed dressing up.
I think my comments are being hit by a modbot.
Phantom:
“Sir? Are you in command?”
“Well, the person who’s actually in command here runs through the jungle in a form-fitting purple leotard, accessorized with tighty stripies!”
“Okay — I’m just going to drop this fellow off here with you, then. Gotta skedaddle. It’s been real!”
@Lurker Who Rarely Comments: That’s easy. The middle one isn’t a finger.
Pluggers: To be fair, he was trying to perform his Lenten Penance of watching the Family Circus Easter Special in its entirety.
CS: This is Week 10 of the Batton Thomas interview, or as we call it, the Batton Death March.
Luann: This comic strip increasingly feels like it’s about young adults who can’t grow up, and their parents who can’t make them. Really, cooking a meal was too much for Luann to manage?
JP: Mary Sue has come to save the day!
@Banana Jr. 6000: That would be an impressive length, I guess that’s why they’re called “pluggers”.
I had a colleague once who would fall asleep at his desk. Full on head back, mouth open, snoring asleep. If someone walked past his desk he could immediately snap back awake, randomly scrolling up and down in the document he had open for this purpose. A minute later he’d be back asleep. I used to have this on video but alas, that phone died without a back up copy.
He’s been promoted twice since then.
Dennis the Menace-Dennis, don’t tell people about your dad’s impotency.
MW: No, I’m sorry. As thrilled as I am to move on from “parrots are great,” I refuse to look at this man’s jowls for the next eleven weeks.
GT: “Ms. Thorp—” “I prefer Miz.” Unless Keri’s pronouncing that “Meez,” they’re the same word. The principal should have said “Miss.”
JP Randy is horrified but… but *I* was supposed to escape and be the rescuer, I swear I fulfilled all the “ordinary man gets pushed beyond his limits for love of his family and acquired action-hero status” checklist, dangit! this was finally supposed to be *my* time to shine!
GT Is there some regionalism / dialect I’m missing? Because “Ms.” and “Miz” are pronounced the same way where I come from. The writers seem to be forgetting the characters aren’t supposed to be able to read the speech bubbles.
@Maltmash3r: “Wife,” aren’t you cute.
DtM: Maybe he’s more concerned that this is Pastor Carl Lentz, back in the pulpit again after being caught in a scandalous affair? “Well at least Dennis is safe, I don’t need to be there to protect him,” Henry thinks.
Remember when people used to dress up for church? Remember when people used to go to church, on Sunday rather than Monday? Dennis the Menace remembers, and you will too, dammit.
MW: why is nobody at this pool party wearing swimsuits? And no I’m not asking to see Wilbur frolicking in a Speedo but an ascot seems like a little overdressed.
Also Dennis the Menace: I’m beginning to suspect this “Ferdinand” fellow likes to hang around his local ecumenical ministerium and caricature the various members of the clergy who show up. Still, today’s entry is better than Barack Obama getting ready to devour Dennis in three bites.
Unfortunately, this plugger’s job was monitoring Epstein’s cell.
@Professor Well Actually: I will buy that California-adapted folks will find the February temperatures not exactly appealing to jump in the pool but I agree that any “meet by the pool” gathering ought to be far more casual. Where’s Fashion Police with a ruling?
@Banana Jr. 6000:
I find it entirely believable that it would be. (I mean, even at Wennieworld, notice that she doesn’t work in the food prep area?)
But have you considered that you may have just the teensiest bit of bias against our heroine? I mean you’re so busy ranting about her lack of adult survival skills, that you fail to notice how incredibly cheap she is. In any case, we can’t be too hard on her. I think it’s still kinda impressive that a 12 year-old like her who still has to take remedial kindergarten has the skills to call in orders and…(aide whispers in my ear)…WHAT?! She’s how old?!
MW – Guy seems perfectly happy reading The Comics Curmudgeon on his phone, but sure, go fuck with him, why don’t cha?
Mary Worth: “Look, Mary! There’s Harvey Hart!” “Yes, fresh meat. Let’s meddle!” “I haven’t seen his daughter Sharon for a while now.” “No, not since he had that giant pendulum delivered to his basement apartment…”
@Liam: I’ve had one disappear too, without the usual warning about the comment awaiting moderation. Odd. It’s a shame, it was a decent Vincent Price joke.
I’m not going to lie, I’ve been known to fall asleep at my computer for a micro-nap while working from home. Intentionally. I’m talking 5 minutes and I feel like a new woman (or kangaroo-dog lady, whatevs).
Will I do it on the days I work in office? Absofreakinglutely not. I’m lazy and menopausal, not stupid.
I am a Plugger – I’ve known this for awhile.
An ascot and a pocket square? Ooh la la! Look at Old Man Fancy Boy over there!
***
Pastor Beardo isn’t even listening to Dennis. He’s just quietly judging Alice for letting him wear those pants with that ensemble.
***
Pluggers rarely pleasure themselves because they can’t stay awake long enough to find porn on their computers.
DtM: “…when he’s good and ready…” Dennis tries to imply that his milquetoast dad is a mafia enforcer. “And no more sermons on the sins of gambling. Capeesh?”
Even if Dennis’s whole deal is relaying overheard comments from his parents to extremely inappropriate third parties, he shouldn’t eavesdrop outside the bedroom.
Pluggers – Is this guy dreaming that he needs a CPAP machine?
Wrecks Moregone:
What happened to her?
She had a slight cold and asked Wrecks to treat her, which finished her off forever.
______________________________
Wary Morth:
“Yes, let’s! Harvey Hart looks happy. HOW DARE HE.”
Congratulations to June Brigman for perfectly rendering the facial expression of someone who is perfectly content not to be talked to by Toby Cameron and Mary Worth.
MARY WORTH: It’s sad that Mr Howell has become so demented that he still thinks he’s on the island.
Ascot guy: “Hmm. Ginger looks just as good as I remember, but I dare say, Mary Anne has really let herself go!”
CS: The Battom interview has been going on the whole time during the dog house arc.
MW: “Yes, there he is, off to the side from the fellow dressed up like Scott Thompson as his character Buddy Cole.”
Intelligent Life: The punchlines for any of these strips come off as so stilted, even when they aren’t about awkwardly phrased jokes about pop culture.
Fix up a nice plate of quality pellets and casually saunter over, Toby. Putting Sunny on your shoulder might be a nice icebreaker.
Dennis the Menace: I don’t think much of the black-and-white stained glass window in the church. Where are they, the Church of Jesus Christ, Polka Dot?
Dennis doesn’t know why they keep switching churches, but even he has noticed all the clergy are young attractive men and his dad is tired of his mom’s shit.
MW: It’s Peter O’Toole, back from the dead!
@Charterstoned: Just barely.
JP: April blew up the prison, killed all the guards, and cut off all communications all to get to Randy. Seems like a major imbalance in the risk reward equation but I guess when the girl’s gotta have it.
Chix (sic): Bannerman taps into her sympathetic vampire audience.
@Banana Jr. 6000:
On Luann : you (correctly) address how the title character is often regressed into being a barely-competent teenager, I’m noting that the strip just has Bwad there, as if he hasn’t moved away and gotten married and has his own family now.
(I’m thinking the reason Bwad is here is because he’s replacing the (inexplicably) absent Bernice, because SOMEONE has to play the role of “idiot kid Luann’s age (or younger) who thinks she’s KILLING IT at being a grown-up”, to contrast with Mr and Mrs DeGroot’s obvious disappointment)
@2+2=7:
Hey, Luann CAN cook (kinda), it’s a crucial plot point in one of the ongoing storylines that she can at least make a boiled egg!
Dennis the Menace: I grew up Catholic and I’ll admit I never go to church anymore. I think new stained glass windows might stir up my interest. I mean, “Madonna Presenting Behaloed Infant” and “Veronica Wipes the Face of Jesus,” were okay for their day, but if they’d go with this polkadot idea. . .
MW: Baja, did you have anything to do with this Pool Party Cuisine? Looks like they’re being treated to a whole chunk of meat, a salad, some sort of shrimp-like substance, and then whatever is in that enormous bowl. As usual, there are no eating utensils or napkins, and no beverages. I’m baffled.
@32 2+2=7: Call in an order? Luann? Really, you overestimate her brainpower. She plucked barely-touched Wowieweenies from the garbage as she was bussing tables.
Luann: This’ll be the first weenie LuannMom’s had in quite a while that rates a “wowie.” Yes, that’s a slam on LuannDad’s bedtime prowess.
MARY WORTH: Some of you heathens are doing some judgey questioning over Toby and Mary not talking to this guy until a year after he’s been widowed, but come on now. They can’t very well flirt with him while he’s in mourning, geez! Have a little decency people! (Besides, Mary promised everyone that she wouldn’t pick up strange men at funerals anymore. You should be praising her for honoring her commitments!)
For New Character’s sake, I hope he’s wearing noise-cancelling ear buds as he intently binges TikTok videos in lieu of interacting with Mary and Toby.
No no no! A plugger’s idea of work-life balance is loading the bed of his pickup with equal weight on each side! (With the jug of crystal meth he’s going to sell and the one for his personal use.)
@51 Charterstoned: Damnit! They used up all of the Weight Watchers “Party Pleasers” recipes before I could post ’em.
RMMD: ‘Did she snap and decide she could be all of her amazing characters in real life? Could she be the one responsible for that massive explosion reported at a secret prison somewhere in some former Soviet wasteland? More details after these messages!’
‘Here at Wandawandabobondabananafanafofondamemimomonda’s, we serve good ol’ down home cookin’, with free entertainment from county-renowed artists like Truck Tyler and Shorty & Beanpole!’
Luann: Yes, it’s stupid and I’m guessing tomorrow Luann will reveal she blew her entire first paycheck on this ‘feast’ to show her parents what a responsible adult she is, but for once I’m grateful for Evansii’s bone-crunching cutaways because I *really* didn’t want to see more mangling of Ox’s character into the NiceGuy that Tiffany is just too much of a b***ch to see!/sarcasm
Speaking of bone-crunching…
@Hibbleton: She did all that and then simply teleported from the ‘sploded gate directly into the warden’s office in the blink of an eye.* She must have access to some more superdupersecret NOTCIA tech to be able to do all that with just a snowmobile.
*The only other explanation for the bone-crushing transition from yesterday to today is that the Warden and Comic Guard Day Player #3 have been babbling ‘whowhatwherewhybbbbbbbb!’ for several minutes while Randy (naturually) not having the smarts to try making a break for it himself in the meantime.
@Baja Gaijin: Well, again, no eating utensils. You could have fat-laden foodstuffs and it wouldn’t matter. You don’t need a special Weight Watchers recipe if you have no way to eat it.
MW-So this is what happens to Fred Jones after’ Scooby-Doo’.
DtM: I really didn’t need to know about Henry’s difficulty achieving climax. Along with Dennis’s rotten behavior, that might explain why the Mitchells only have one kid (well that and Henry’s browser history, which shows what he’s REALLY into).
MW: Is someone going to stage an intervention? This is at least the 21st consecutive day of Mary wearing that same purple cowl neck blouse, and I don’t think it’s been washed.
Mary Worth: Scrolling your phone because a party is really boring? Mary Worth stars, they’re just like us!
Dennis the Menace: Henry is still sitting in a pew, reading about the binding of Isaac in Genesis for the hundredth time. “That’s right, dads make all the sacrifices,” he thinks, before finally going out and being forced to make polite chitchat with yet another preachy beardo.
Pluggers: When a plugger searches for p0rn on his computer, is it weird if it’s not furry p0rn? In any case, let’s just be glad his hands are where we can see them.
Slylock Fox: This educational comic misspelled “foreman” today. That’s why we shouldn’t be teaching kids by way of the funnies page — one day they’ll need to proofread the homework their AI chatbot does for them, any they won’t know how!
MW: Fresh off his defeat to Torchwood (as chronicled in “End of Days”), Bilis Manger relocated to Santa Royale because it has a smaller Rift than the one in Cardiff. He’s hopeful he can still bring Abaddon to Earth but hasn’t reckoned on Mary’s meddling powers.
DtM: That disguise doesn’t fool me! I know they put a baby giraffe in a suit.
Pluggers: There is no way a Plugger has something other than a CRT monitor!
@Banana Jr. 6000: By the way, Luann apparently isn’t the only incompetent Degroot child. I love that the TruFans are excusing Brad’s presence here by assuming that Toni has to work. And now that a lil’ woman isn’t there cook her man some victuals, this married adult has no other choice for sustenance but to hope his nitwit sister can take home the leftovers from her fast-food job.
Mary Worth: Scrolling your phone because a party is really boring? Mary Worth stars, they’re just like us!
Dennis the Menace: Henry is still sitting in a pew, reading about the binding of Isaac in Genesis for the hundredth time. “That’s right, dads make all the sacrifices,” he thinks, before finally going out and being forced to make polite chitchat with yet another preachy beardo.
Pluggers: When a plugger searches for porn on his computer, is it weird if it’s not furry porn? In any case, let’s just be glad his hands are where we can see them.
Slylock Fox: This educational comic misspelled “foreman” today. That’s why we shouldn’t be teaching kids by way of the funnies page — one day they’ll need to proofread the homework their AI chatbot does for them, any they won’t know how!
GT: You can call yourself whatever you want, Keri, but at least know the difference between a pronoun and an honorific.
MW: Harvey Hart? You can’t fool me, that’s Rolling Stones’ Charlie Watts, who probably faked his death to get out of yet another tour.
MW2: Well, I can finally take the signs down.
Nancy: It’s nice (?) to see that Sluggo is still canonically homeless.
DtM: The stylized Holstein pattern of the stained glass window suggests they’ve just attended Mass at Saint Gary Larson of the Vista Beyond.
MW: I just want to say, good for Harvey. He endured the social pressure that forced him to hide behind a heteronormative marriage and family, but times have changed and he finally has the courage to put on his best Oscar Wilde cosplay and get into the hookup app scene. It’s never too late to live your truth!
Harvey, isn’t that named banned on here, oh my that would cause some issues.
Using one of the few names banned by the censorbot making it harder for us to talk/joke about him
Moy trolls us again.
DtM: The stylized Holstein pattern of the stained glass window suggests they’ve just attended Mass at Saint Gary Larson of the Vista Beyond.
MW: I just want to say, good for Mr. Hart. He endured the social pressure that forced him to hide behind a heteronormative marriage and family, but times have changed and he finally has the courage to put on his best Oscar Wilde cosplay and start trolling for young twinks looking for a silver fox daddy. It’s never too late to live your truth!
CS: Wouldn’t this have been apparent when they were visiting the apartment house? And who is “our” in our apartment? And why say “our apartment in the city” like its a pied a terre?
@Banana Jr. 6000: Or interested in dating a woman.
@The Rambling Otter: THAT’S why I couldn’t get my post to clear? What the Hell does it have against invisible rabbits and notorious sex pe–ah, I may have just answered my own question.
FC: Young Ferris Bueller is a worse concept than Young Sheldon.
Dustin: The logical fallacy concerns the fact Helen wants Ed to live a longer life.
Imagine if a parrot randomly crashed the famous Charterstone Pool Party. That would be the funniest thing Mary Worth has done in decades
GT: You can call yourself what you want, Keri, but at least know the different between a pronoun and an honorific.
MW: Harvey Hart? You can’t fool me! That’s the Rolling Stones’ Charlie Watts, who probably faked his own death to get out of yet another dinosaur tour.
Nancy: It’s nice (?) to see that, canonically, Sluggo is still homeless.
@Liam: Years back, there was a Cartoon Network ad, for Scooby-Doo where the gang find a tied red cloth on the ground.
Velma: What in the world is this?!
Daphne: It’s hideous that’s what it is
Shaggy: It must have been used in some sort of spooky voodoo ritual
Fred: (thinking) “That’s my old Ascot…” awkwardly avoids eye contact with the others while whistling to himself.
JP: Okay, CIApril is legitimately frightening today. She’s literally a floating heat above a large walking fur coat.
@TheDiva: I remember years back, the censor bot removed a ton of Gil Thorp posts, because of the word Milford.
I think that was long since fixed.
Luann: “It was either you guys or the Dumpster. Enjoy!”
CS: “The subsequent restraining order, arrest, and one year stint in jail explains why the comic strip didn’t launch right away.”
9CL: I’m super glad we weren’t privy to the conversation that occurred before this incident.
@The Mighty Finn: The icing on the cake, would be if it drops a load on Wilbur’s head.
MW: Here comes the pet cartel; “You are lonely and sad. Do you have a pet? Pets are good. You’d feel much better with a pet, I’m going to get an orange cat for you so I can come visit without any of the responsibilities of pet ownership.”
MW: Last time we saw Toby, she was refusing to go to parties because she preferred to stay with Sunny. Now she’s out and about, and no sign of the parrot. I repent having mocked Mary’s “I’m not sure if that’s actually healthy” as weak-sauce meddling.
“You haven’t seen Sharon, Mary? Well, you must be the only one who hasn’t. Sharon Share Alike, they call her around Charterstone. She’s a gig, she’s roadside, Mary. Hands-on. Don’t be such a foob.”
Crankshaft: Thanks to everyone last week who posted “At least it’s not One-Arm and that fucking cartoonist.” Here comes a week of One-Arm and that fucking cartoonist.
DtM: “Ride of the Valkyries” doesn’t seem to fit if it’s a drone assault. Unless it’s on kazoo.
Dustin: Dustmom is so, so close to getting it….
FG: “Reno and the Power Men” would be a great name for a disco band.
GT: Panel two would have worked a lot better if Dr. Pearl had called Keri “Miss Thorpe”–not only would it have made a clearer distinction between Keri’s preferred title of “Miz,” it would make more sense as an older person’s default form of address for a female-presenting teenager. But credit where it’s due, it’s not often the dialogue can distract me from the art.
JP: *insert Robot Chicken M. Night Shyamalan gif here*
Luann: Nobody in Luann’s family has bothered to learn her work schedule, and…honestly, I can’t blame them.
RMMD: Okay, I’m already calling BS on this. An actress with a string of blockbusters under her belt and who still has the means to live in a high-end California mansion is not going to go all Norma Desmond because she got fat. If it bothers her that much she’s going to get some combination of a personal trainer, lipo, Ozempic, and probably whatever snake oil Gwyneth Paltrow is peddling this week.
SH: A couple weeks ago, the mongoose-woman (Deena? For some reason I think her name is Deena) found out she was spending too much time in her animal form and that was causing her to age faster. But Pam apparently spent at least thirteen years as a cat–well into senior years–yet as a human she remains an attractive twentysomething. Like, I’m willing to suspend disbelief on this shapeshifter thing you’re doing but you’ve gotta have some internal consistency.
Dennis the Menace: Maybe that’s just Dennis’ way of saying that Henry is currently monopolizing the church bathroom and doesn’t expect to be out for quite some time. It would have been great if Dennis had used a Biblical euphemism to suit his audience – something like “Dad is tryin’ to part the Red Sea and drown Pharaoh’s army” would have done nicely – but it’s not likely at all that Dennis would have done any Bible reading; and if he had, he almost certainly wouldn’t have made it all the way to Exodus.
DtM: Maybe Henry will accept their cult “The House of the 4 Spots”
“Remember that we are born with the ladybug of the heavens, and when the reckoning day comes, the celestial newspaper will emerge and swat it, and us, dead.”
MW- Ascot?!…didn’t we just endure a storyline about A Scot who is a pompous axx?
RMMD: Lorna Starr, biggest name in Hollywood, queen of the action pictures, had fallen in with the wrong crowd and discovered….brownies. Within weeks she was up to a four-pan a day Duncan Hines habit.
@TheDiva: SH: I can’t even remember if Mongoose girl was a human who turned into a mongoose and chose to stay that way, because… um… furries? Or was a mongoose who gained the ability to turn into a human and gained the intelligence that comes with it.
@Ukulele Ike: RMMD could introduce “Brownies” (the mythical creature) and that still wouldn’t make the comic any more interesting.
MW: “I haven’t seen his daughter Sharon in a while. She disappeared around the same time as her mother. Seems like Harvey’s doing pretty well on the insurance money.”
REX MORGAN M.D.: Yeah, right, Access Hollywood-knockoff anchor. There was more tabloid hullabaloo (aka more than two paparazzi patiently waiting outside her house for five minutes before shrugging and going home) when Sarah wrote KittyCop books.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Are you still playing the slow way?”
“Why shouldn’t I?”
“The true sign of status…”
“Is to be so busy you don’t have time to enjoy it”
@TheDiva: SH: This was always confusing, like with how Vampires always seem to freeze their ages at 20 something when turned. Unless we’re talking about Dracula himself who always looks like an old man.
Especially egregious with Alucard from Castlevania who was born half-vampire and once he hit his 20’s he just stopped aging entirely.
@The Rambling Otter:
Mongoose Girl is an ordinary mongoose who was turned into a lab mouse by Samantha Argus so she could be one of her test subject. She started dating another lab mouse, who was a snake that had been similarly transformed into a rodent. Dee chose to be a mongoose full-time initially as a protest over Snake Guy “deceiving” her by not telling her right away his true form was a snake. Samantha Argus turns Dee into a human scientist from time to time so she can have a free assistant.
In the Safe Havens setting, ALL ANIMALS have human-level intelligence and can speak, it’s just that usually humans are too callous to understand, and thus ignore them.
I’m not sure this is correct, but that’s what I vaguely remember<Crankshaft – @Ukulele Ike: I hope it’s only a week.
Gil Thorp – Dr. Pearl should have that wrist examined – it’s bent at an unnatural angle. That must be painful.
I do like Keri’s subtle tribute to Robert Duvall.
FC – By ten o’clock he’ll say he feels good enough to play outside.
Mary Worth – This is the guy Mary’s going to dump her new cat on when Dr. Jeff’s allergies flare up after all.
Asking for an enemy: Is Mr. Ascot smiling at his phone because he just took a picture of Mary’s camel toe?
MW: In spite of this pool party being a formal affair, I’m pretty sure Wilbur will show up in his Speedo.
RMMD- Pull Lorna Starr’s hair back into a very tight ponytail, stick a pair of round glasses on her, and you get..Summer/Autumn! She’s gonna come out of seclusion to play the leading Lady in the film version of “Stalked!”
Mary Worth: This is like something out of a horror movie, Mary identifying the next inductee into the Charterstone Cult and planning out her approach to luring him in, just she did with Keith. Next thing you know, poor Harvey Hart will be getting random hired actor- er, I mean, “long lost family” knocking at his door to teach him and his daughter some kind of bizarre lesson that reinforces hard white conservative puritanism.
Dennis The Menace: This reminds me of a fun story from my life. Basically, my grandfather was a major outdoorsman and loved to go fishing on the weekends. He always tended to be late to Sunday church, as he had to clean himself up VERY thoroughly after his fishing trips so he wouldn’t walk into the house of the Lord absolutely reeking. And when asked about his lateness, he’d say pretty much this; “I’ll get there when I’m darned ready!”. The local busybodies – the Mary Worths of the real world – naturally liked to gossip about this, constantly making nasty, judgmental comments about his lateness and implying he was off cheating on his wife or other such nonsense. One day, Grandpa got tired of listening to it, so he decided to not be late to church. He walked straight in from his fishing trip, covered head to toe in muck, reeds, fish guts, what have you, stomped all the way down to the pew said gossipy hens tended to sit on, and plopped himself down right next to them while smelling like a river. After that day, they never shit-talked him again. Also after that day, the priest said if he ever did that again, he would begin to personally spray Grandpa down with a firehose before allowing him into church.
Holy moley, are those Asians walking out of the church in the background? Do you think the comics page is truly ready for such diversity yet, [squints] Ferdinand?
RMMD: Too bad Lorna Starr got fat just before she landed the lead in the April Parker movie, based on Neddy’s screenplay.
CS: If anyone’s interested Batiuk’s old high school art teacher was James Mateer (the Montoni’s mural painter is based on him) and I remember Batty’s frequent gatecrashes to our art room. With heightened school security that would be nearly impossible today. After landing his FW gig he still maintained his state teacher certification and would often sub for Mr. Mateer.
@The Rambling Otter: And the thing is, if I were to stop aging, I actually wouldn’t want to do it in my twenties. Sometime around thirty would be best–you look like you’re old enough to have some experience, so most folks will take you seriously, but you also look like you’re young enough to do whatever.
Hey all — apologies for those who were having commenting trouble. Who knew that my most aggressive and obnoxious comment troll from a year or so ago would share a name with an exciting and surely soon-to-be-beloved Mary Worth character? I have removed a block on the gentleman’s name — please shoot me an email if you have further comment problems or if Mr. Harveson reappears.
@Tom: One of the Sabrina the Teenage Witch cartoons, had Sabrina’s aunts being “cursed” by the witch council to be stuck in attractive 18-20 year old bodies. Which is considered a fate worse than death for witches in that continuity, because apparently they love being old hags.
@Anonymous: My mother once mentioned someone she and dad knew who’d often hide in the church bathroom and do his bills on Sunday morning. Which would make for a humorous story arc in some comic strip.
Meanwhile, over at Crankshaft…When (IF) this Pulitzer Prize winning newspaper article on Batton Thomas makes it to press, no one’s gonna read it because they’ve been reading it since August, 2024.
@Guillermo el chiclero: How was Batiuk as a teacher?
We know this plugger is at work because he sleeps at home, and he is not asleep. He is not making Zs but only *thinking* about the letter, just waiting in anticipation for when he is allowed to go home and collapse into blessed unconsciousness for real. I wasn’t really expecting “Pluggers have had all life drained out of them by late stage capitalism” to become a theme but I guess now that not even Pluggers get to retire it makes sense.
@Lauralot: #108: OK. He had several years experience at the Elyria school district. Didn’t do much actual teaching, just let us work on our assigned projects and made sure we didn’t make enough noise to disrupt the nearby classes. The library was across the hall from the art room. He’d give pointers and advice if you asked him. If we were curious about the newspaper cartooning business he’d answer our questions. Took a lot notes and doodles on his sketchbook, probably to get ideas for his strip and keep up on current teenage fads.
Dennis the Menace: Newspaper funny pages speak for “My dad says ‘fuck you.'”
In any other strip, the mysterious disappearance of a named character like Sharon Hart would be a plot point to draw us in. In Mary Worth, though, Sharon moved somewhere else. Where? She didn’t have any pets or work with animals, so, who cares?
Dennis the Menace: I think Dennis’s father stayed home because he resents his wife joining a new church just to be close to the Reverend Justin Timberlake.
Pluggers express their support for Russia loudly, but also subtly.
MW: Wait! WHAT? A pool party!? When did this happen? We were told Mary would be heading to the Animal Shelter to pick up the just-arrived Orange Hypoallergic Cat! What’s goin’ on here?
Yeah, looks like the naysayers got to The Ladies. We’ll, we’re not takin’ this lightly – Intern, load up Max, Greta, and the Parrots into the van! We’re crashing this pool party! … What? No, you’ll not need your Speedo.
@Anonymous: In my head-canon, Luann has Down Syndrome and has achieved a fairly high level of functioning.
If you assume Luann has a disability, the whole strip makes a LOT more sense.
@Guillermo el chiclero: So, which character was based on you?
JP – Why do I get the impression that Randy was never as helpless as he appeared, contrary to his jailers’ expectations, and this is just how he and April do rough sex?
@Anonymous: Sweet Jeebus.
I remember when “Safe Havens” was about a day care called “Safe Havens” whose owner and young son cared for other children without turning them into vermin.
@Guillermo el chiclero: So, Batiuk in the not too distance past actually DID research on teenage behavior?
This contradicts a lot of Comics Curmudgeon canon.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: Don’t forget the Doves of Love.
A coordinated guano attack on the partygoers would be the most exciting thing to happen in this strip since the time Mary Worth fired that machine gun inside the Bum Boat.
@UncleJeff: Sorry. “not too distant past”.
@Guillermo el chiclero:
#193. CS: Thanks for the background on Mr. Batiyms old art teacher and his depiction in the strip. What a way to beade immortal.
PHANTOM: Speaking of mortality, in his latest blog post Mr. DePaul says he has decided to end treatment regimen for his cancer. Let’s hope he has many good days spent on his piggy and writing strips to come.
@Activist:
#122. Corrections ..
#103 CS: Guillermo , thanks for the background on Mr. Batiuks h.s. art teacher and his depiction in his student’s strip. What a way to be made immortal.
DT: OK – now the number of drones makes more sense. They jamming the cell phones in the prison, but don’t they have landlines?
JP: NotCIA April arrives all bad ass and with no help?? And with a pistol in her parka? Meanwhile is happening back at the ranch, literally. And is Ann winning the contest with JP to see who can drink more whiskey?
Luann: The family owns an eatery, so clearly are not unfamiliar with food and food prep. Yet Luanna (appears to be her turn to cook) buys them fast food (from a lesser eatery?)
MW: As ascot wearing much older man who is a widower. Does he have a pet?
RMMD: This actress had been the lead in many movies so she has a team: an agent with helpers, stylists, someone to run her social media. Yeah, she could get chunky but everyone around her would have been on her from the start to take up exercising, get a dietician and ozempic because their livelihoods all depend this meal ticket!
Phantom: Way to buring the lede Chef – Not, “General Chum is over there, etc.” NOPE he wants to claim the reward on the number 2 guy and make that quite clear.
Slylock: This puzzle is one of those that as a little I kid I would have thought was cool. BUT in reality, so many horrible things could go wrong: (1) ice blocks slide and one or two slide off during the lowering – , (2) ice block inconsistency – some have more air bubbles and grit – they crack and statue topples and breaks, (3) inconsistent melting leads one side to tilt – statue topples and breaks. Usually a web or rig of ropes and supports are used. A quick AI backed Google search found a site that makes this point: Don’t forget to have a plan to remove the rigging after the sculpture is placed. Yes, speaking from experience!
Luann: I have brought fast food from restaurants to my parents all the time and they love it. These people are so ungrateful.
As for cooking skills, we almost never see Luann in the kitchen, so who would be surprised by getting Weenie World?
Well, we are only into the first couple days, but I’m prepared to declare a winner in the “Who can produce a worse version of a prison break?” Dick Tracy may have drones flown in from Russia, but Judge Parker has Ces’ patented “clever” dialogue which carries the day. Congratulations!
It makes me smile to imagine that Dennis’ existence has turned his father into an atheist.
I knew a guy through work named Perry Hart, and his employer’s naming convention was the first initial and last name.
Dilbert also did this with Brenda Utthead.
@Josh:
That would explain why my comment didn’t show up, I used the character’s name.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Wow! You had actual human contact with one of the CC’s most treasured creators? Truly, you have slipped the surly bonds of Earth, and danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings.
What I want next is to see Mary invite the two parrots and their owners on her boyfriend’s boat. [Why is she the only one ever on the boat or at the Bum Boat?]
Then, drum roll please, two sharks jump out of the water, snatch both birds out of the air, then return to the briney depths.
A jump the shark moment for this comic strip! Ta dah!
Crank: I kind of feel sorry for Dan Davis. Like, you’d think he’d get a paid vacation while Batty uses the space where Crankshaft used to be to publish his autobiography one paragraph at a time, but no, he’s got to keep drawing Skip and Battom, no matter how crowded out they are by the walls of text.
DtM: Looking at the strips linked to, the 2017 minister in the fancy surplice seems drawn in typical Dennis the Menace style, while the 2023 one and this guy have the weird design you see sometimes in the cartoony strips that make me think someone who isn’t used to drawing real people is attempting to do so. Is there some kind of contest among the clergy, where you can be drawn into Dennis the Menace and field a religiously-themed darnedest thing? If so, what do the winners get?
JP: “Just don’t throw any questions that start ‘How did you…’ at me because the writer has no idea; I just did!”
MW: Mary is never going to mention her dream of a hypoallergenic orange cat again, is she? I mean, I’m fine if Moy’s finally moving off this Pets Are Good kick for a while, I just think it’s funny that last week really wasn’t going anywhere.
OTF: Holbrook continues to just flat-out make up metaphors to reify. And, dammit, “blowing his own trumpet” was right there.
@The Rambling Otter: I have to admit, if I were female I’d consider forever looking like I was in college to be something of a curse. Nobody’s going to take you seriously, and the only decent guys who you have a chance with are either college boys or in their early 20s.
Does anyone know the precise pronunciation of “aaaaaaauuuuuughhh?”
@Ukulele Ike: Similar to a Married With Children riff…
Spare Tire Dixon: It should have been mine, Bundy. Headlines should have read: “Spare Tire crushes unidentified white man on goal line.” I was supposed to play college ball, but it never happened. Know why?
Al Bundy: Too stupid?
Spare Tire Dixon: Well, it was because after that game, I fell into a deep depression. And I turned where too many players before me had turned to drown their sorrows: pie. Come tryouts, I could no longer get in a three-point stance unless there was a pie on the floor. My career was over. You stole the glory that should have been mine.
Al Bundy: I had a little bit of glory, yeah. But you had pie, and I haven’t eaten in twenty years!
@Treetown: On JP – I don’t see any pistol. If the guard and warden weren’t busy babbling like idiots they could pump both of them full of lead right now and be done with it.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: Let’s wait and see if this is a plot point for the new Mary Worth character Sharon Hart…
DtM: That’s supposed to be a stained glass window? From my perspective it looks like an open-air bell tower with speakers(?) inside, and they are standing on a flat roof next to it.
Mary’s Worst : “His wife died a year ago? I guess we need to apologize to Wilber for accusing him of causing the awful stench coming from that wing of apartments.”
@GarrisonSkunk: Let’s not be too hasty with the apologies. This is “wilbur” we’re talking about…
If your paws are too fat to press the keys on your keyboard, then you might be a Plugger.
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: GarrisonSkunk: Let’s not be too hasty with the apologies.
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True, true! And thanks for the quick response! 2 minutes from post to answer is a new record for me!
@The Quiet Man: I am making a leap of faith and an assumption that April would have a gun and it is tucked into her park so if necessary she can shoot it through the pocket. But you are right – I’m making too many rational assumptions. :)
@GarrisonSkunk: 2 seconds, rather,sorry.It was so impressive my Plugger paws couldn’t keep up.:)
Why did Josh throw away the throw away panels with Toby running up the Charterstone bell tower with her parrots, shouting,”THE PLANE! THE PLANE!BOSS,THE PLANE!”
Dennis Minus Menace: Why did Henry send his wife and child to meet his bookie?
JP – “What’s the meaning of this?! We were explicitly told that you fight in your underwear!”
@Ukulele Ike: Seriously – this is incredible Comics Curmudgeon lore.
@lynn: #116: You know, now that you mention it, a lot of us wondered if any of his characters were based on any one of us but I think they were a combination of several teenage stereotypes. One of my buddies however swore that Crazy Harry was based on one of our goofball classmates.
In answer to your initial question, as long as it wasn’t Les Moore.
@Ukulele Ike: #130: You know the bio he’s giving One-armed Skip? On one of his days subbing for Mr. Mateer we got to hear the first draft.
@nescio:
Dennis is rocking the red Dickies, brought to us in general by Limp Bizkit, which were AWESOME
Slylick suggests ripping off that old “Banacheck” plot.
@Liam:
I was thinking that it was nice to see Emaciated Vincent Price at the party, given how poor Vince died, I like yours WAY better.
That gothic arch is doing a lot of heavy lifting. The “pastor” doesn’t read man of the cloth to me, and I suspect that the people behind Dennis the Menace still wear ties to the theater. Without that little peak, my first thought was Dad is staying behind because he’s still thinking about the female lead in the bedroom scene
Dennis Minus Menace 2: “My Dad isn’t through yet with the Playboy™ magazine he found stuffed behind the hymn book.”
@Austria: Right? Like being in a fender-bender with Brooke McEldowney because he was ogling some teenaged girls on the sidewalk and rear-ended your car.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Polite applause, I hope? Batuik would have been so crestfallen if you had all exploded in laughter and jeers.
@Voshkod:
Holy crap I laughed at this. Stop being so much funnier than me, Voshkod!
@Ukulele Ike:
Or stopping your walk past a ballfield to witness childhood despair with Charles Schulz!
@Charterstoned: : Well, again, no eating utensils.
_________________________
Its hard enough to eat the food without having to eat the utensils as well!
@A Grave Mind: I had no idea what Vincent Price died of, so I had to look it up.
Did you know his grandfather invented baking powder? Think of the billions of baking man-hours saved by not having to measure out the baking soda and cream of tartar every time we wanted cake.
@Finder of Lost Gloves: Does anyone know the precise pronunciation of “aaaaaaauuuuuughhh?”
__________________________
To.pronounce it correctly one needs to be flying through the air after having missed kicking a football that gets pulled away at the last moment.
@Ukulele Ike:
Huh. I had ZERO idea. Well, I mean, who would?
FC-“Oh no. You are going to school to infect your classmates.”
MW-A widower? A daughter? With the way he’s dressed I would assume Harvey Hart’s daughter is adopted or that he is a confirmed bachelor.
@Lauralot:Thank you.
FC-“Oh no. You are going to school to infect your classmates.”
MW-A widower? A daughter? With the way he’s dressed I would assume his daughter is adopted or that he is a confirmed bachelor.
In today’s Mary Worth, Mary identify a new young mind to corrupt for her sick, meddling-focused agenda.
Old actors never die. Okay, obviously, they do. Still, that wasn’t enough to keep Peter O’Toole from being sent to Charterstone.
(Okay, back to watching my entire city get swallowed by snow.)
@A Grave Mind: One of those fun facts about why some people got to grow up rich. Like William Burroughs and the adding machines, and Mike Nesmith and Wite-Out.
In the olden days, you needed an ancestor smart enough to INVENT something. None of this hedge-fund manager horse shit.
@GarrisonSkunk: They’re too busy trying to figure out how to hold their phones, anyway.
@Liam: We should just call the Guy Voldemort.
@Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars!: Th Ladies decided it would be better if Mary kept a hypoallergenic resident, instead of an orange cat. But taking a cue from Saul and Eve, she is dressing her pet in distinctive neckwear. I he ever gets lost in a park, she only needs to look for an ascot.
Pluggers: Shoeshine Boy better be careful! If Simon Bar Sinister accesses his webcam his eyes are giving away his secret identity!
@Horace Broon: Don’t cry for Dan Davis. Son of Stuck Funky recently awarded the Worst Batton Thomas Panel of 2025. Of seven nominees, every single drawing of Batton was the same, with only minor details changed.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Wow, really? Do tell.
Late Thread Cuisine: See that small pie plate near the big
barfpunch bowl at Mary Worth’s pool party? I found the recipe.@Baja Gaijin: I appreciate the actual recipe having the courtesy to put scare quotes around “pie.”
@Baja Gaijin: Cuisine: Good grief – that looks like sweet potato pie. Imagine biting into that, anticipating delicious sweet potato pie, and getting that instead. The disappointment would be severe, to put it mildly.
However, the globs of yellow glop on top of it are a big warning sign.
@Baja Gaijin: @I speak Jive: The tartar sauce is a big red flag, too.
MW-Toby, how insensitive can you be? Didn’t you hear Mary? The son is now a daughter.
@Baja Gaijin:
That seems interesting.
@Ukranazi Stepan:
Comment stuck in modbot for almost twelve hours now.
@Baja Gaijin:
I know I’m the dude always sticking up for these. And I’m gonna, kinda, this is probably delish. But don’t make your fish look like sweet potato pie, people. Or pumpkin. No pies, everybody. Just…just dont.
@Ukulele Ike:
From what I understand, Sammy Hagar got rest-of-life-post-Van Halen rich pre-tequila by investing in a company that handles high-rise fire sprinkler systems. Where does that stand?
@177 I speak Jive: The Bum Boat served this exact pie exactly a week ago. Proof.
@182 A Grave Mind: I was looking for a “good” pie photo for the Cuisine. It tricked me.
@Baja Gaijin:
That’s one way to fuck up a perfectly good salmon pie.
@Baja Gaijin: Psych!! Nothing like making your eyeballs and taste buds violently disconnect. I had a colleague who would make “pizza” using cookie dough, “tomato paste” colored icing, fruit roll-up “pepperoni”—it was nasty. And just…wrong. Same with tonight LTC. It’s just…wrong.
However, I recognized the fork—we had that exact stainless pattern when I was young. So, there’s that. I guess.
@186 Charterstoned: I recognized the fork, too, from my grandparents’ friends. I think they got the cutlery from a grocery store.
DtM – That’s not the minister. That’s the funeral director.
@Baja Gaijin: That sounds about right. I remember we had china from the grocery store, too.
The Familliar Mucus: Thel’s robe is quilted to protect her from the hardest jutting attempts.Keeps her Upper Frontals baby soft!
@TheDiva: So would “Ming and the Dragon Men.”
DTM: Wow, Dennis is mouthing off to famed Christian apologist and YouTube influencer, Mike Winger!!
Late Thread Mary Worth Mashups: I added a hot tub to today’s strip. Does it do anything for you?
@Baja Gaijin: Mary getting eaten by a shark does. Why did you only have two options? It looked like there was space for a third at the top, but I’m just not registering it.
@193 taig: I put 3 mashups on that page. The shark is the final one. What’s the other one you can see?
@Baja Gaijin: I mentally blocked out the Wilbur-in-a-Speedo option.
@The Rambling Otter: You should know better than to try to follow Holbrook. His world building is a fly by the seat of your pants operation that makes Luann look carefully plotted.
@195 taig: Had I not used a falling air conditioner in a recent mashup, it would have starred in that strip instead of Wilbur.
Zippy – Interesting. I wonder how our Baja Gaijin feels about cotton candy.
@Baja Gaijin: Does “easily made mashed potatoes” mean “reconstituted from flakes”? Because otherwise, there ain’t no such thing.
@198 Peanut Gallery: I can take or leave candy floss. It has to be fresh off the, um, flosseriser. And blue. Only blue. Never pink. Pink could be fiberglass insulation.
@199 Peanut Gallery: What? Mashed potatoes from potatoes are fairly easy to make. Scrape the skins off the taters, boil ’em in water for a while, then mash mash mash. It’s not nearly as difficult as making a pie from canned salmon and tuna.
@Activist: The man who made a habit of riding that piggy to and from the infusion center and spent time between treatments splitting wood is someone who I think is gonna truck along for a good long time yet, even without the periodic poisonings.
@Baja Gaijin: This recipe appears to have come from a much-lesser-known Meredith magazine called “Not So Great Homes and Gardens.”
@Baja Gaijin: I’m a very lazy cook.
Luann – Nancy is pissed, but Frank is doing his best to hide his pleasure. Nancy has never let him eat hot dogs since she laid eyes on his bloodwork. That’s why we need HIPAA!
@Treetown: MW: As ascot wearing much older man who is a widower. Does he have a pet?
A Yorkshire Terrier. With an Ascot. That he runs in agility.
PLUGGERS: No, I am not Jack Gilbert of Springville. Thank you for not asking.
LUANN: Sometimes it’s hard to figure out just how judgy to be about someone who has been nineteen for eleven years. But she’s been irritating for all eleven, so yeah, Luann, you’re a cheap nitwit.
@Horace Broon: JP – It’s not so inexplicable; this is what happens when Ted Forth’s Randy token lands on the get out of jail free card!
MW: As someone who is in Harvey’s age cohort, I will observe that he looks like he is watching an episode of “All Creatures Great and Small” and trying not to cry. Even though I have been there and done that, his version makes me nervous.
MW: As someone who is in Harvey’s age cohort, I will observe that he appears to be watching an episode of “All Creatures Great and Small’ and trying not to cry. Although I have been there and done that, his version makes me nervous.
I just tried to post a MW comment that apparently offended the monitor, and I couldn’t imagine why, so I tried again. Apologies in advance if my unacceptable comment shows up in duplicate someday, and I hope to learn from this oddness.
@Baja Gaijin: May the Wilburforce be with us.
@Baja Gaijin: I even leave the skins on the potatoes now.
JP: Next time around, Randy, find someone who doesn’t need any advice about eating seafood.
@Peanut Gallery: It’s important to remember that Baja doesn’t read Zippy because the pinheads are too clown like. By the time you hit actual clowns in
LevittownDingburg, you’ve gone a bridge too far.@cheech wizard: Aha!
@richardf8: But at least now Baja knows that Griffy hates at least one evilscaryclown.
@212 richardf8: By the time you hit actual clowns…you’ve started making the world a better place.
@214 Peanut Gallery: Gotta start somewhere.
MW – Toby and Mary think Harvey would like some company, when it’s clear the merry widower is happily watching porn on his phone. In all her years of giving advice, Mary never learned to leave well enough alone?
@Charterstoned: What made it nasty? Aside from the fruit roll-up ‘toppings’ it sounds like your friend just made a giant iced cookie.
MW: Look at Harvey, probably checking out his favorite comic strip like the Lockhorns or Heathcliff. Maybe planning his March Madness bracket. While stealing a few snacks from the pool party to take back to his place. Well your day is about to be ruined, buddy. Because someone’s MEDDLING alarm just went off.
MW: Look at Harvey, probably checking out his favorite comic strip like the Lockhorns or Heathcliff. Maybe planning his March Madness bracket. While stealing a few snacks from the pool party to take back to his place. Well your day is about to be ruined, buddy. Because someone’s MEDDLING alarm just went off.
MW: Look at Harvey, probably checking out his favorite comic strip like the Lockhorns or Heathcliff. Maybe planning his March Madness bracket. While stealing a few snacks from the pool party to take back to his place. Well your day is about to be ruined, buddy. Because someone’s MEDDLING alarm just went off.