Jamaal’s actually working, someone has to while Herb ruminates endlessly
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Luann, 4/2/26
“Oh my gosh,” you’re probably thinking. “Is Luann, the wildly ribald but perversely sexless comic strip about college students, implying that Les and Tara had sex?” No, dummy. She just came over to use and critique Les and Gunther’s bathroom. Remember, young men and women who are attracted to each other do bathroom–adjacent stuff all the time in this comic. It’s what they have instead of sex, I think!
Mary Worth, 4/2/26
“People have limits on which illusions they can accept,” says Toby, steadfastly refusing to turn around and see the pair of parrots eating out of a giant salad bowl on her counter. She needs to believe that this isn’t her life now! That’s the illusion she chooses to accept.
Herb and Jamaal, 4/2/26
Actually, Herb, making a mountain out of a molehill would take a great deal of dirt indeed, as the two are wildly divergent in size. That’s what gives the expression its meaning!
168 replies to “Jamaal’s actually working, someone has to while Herb ruminates endlessly”
Luann-Tara blew Les and made it all better.
RMMD-Whenever Mud’s current wife kicks him out of the house he heads down to the Glennwood Motel.
MW-Tomorrow Mary calls Wilbur.
FC-“This hurts you more than it hurts me,” Mommy says.
Hi and Lois-You could get that weird big nose kid who plays for Brownie Charles.
Gasoline Alley-“Oh I had this wonderful dream where I was dead. Why did you have to wake me?”
Mary Worth:
“I just got lettuce all over myself, Mary!”
“Are you wearing a Bibb?”
“Rumors are nothing but an exaggeration of the truth… Except the ones that are wholly made up. Where was I going with this?”
A character from a comic entirely devoted to bland innuendo sprained his finger on a date, and they’re just not going anywhere with that? Do your job or go home, Luann!
Mary Worth:
“If you think it would help, Mary, I’m sure that each of my two parrots would be willing to put a ‘deposit‘ in this ‘Trixie‘ ‘s account!”
MW: Mary and Toby accept the shared illusion, that they can maintain a hold on their cellphones with their fingers positioned in that way.
Here’s a rumour with a little dirt thrown in: “Herb and Jamaal” is not funny
Luann:
“Hey, Les — has anyone ever told you that you look like ‘Quentin’ from Dark Shadows?”
Luann: Disappointing failure to build on the rock climbing set-up. I really thought Les would say he broke that finger while working it into a slippery crevasse – or given Luann‘s usual celibacy, just trying an overambitious free solo.
H&J: Herb and Jamaal follows a long running experiment: exactly how stoned does someone have to get before they stop being a productive diner employee. Turns out, it’s however stoned Herb is right now.
MW: That’s actually what’s left of Ian’s body, isn’t it? This has all been part of Toby’s master plan.
Luann: ” I guess I don’t have to ask who the bidet belongs to. Er…Thanks, Gunth. “
“Ultra tidy side of the bathroom”? Does one piss on the left and the other on the right?
Crankshaft : Is this a “Why haven’t I gotten this guy out of my house and into assisted living yet?” look of horror, or a “OH GOD I’M LETTING THIS THING *DRIVE* THE CAR I’M CURRENTLY IN” look of horror on Pam there?
************
Herb & Jamaal : Wasn’t this the plot of a 1997 Hugh Grant movie? With the ending being that erosion turned the mountain back into a hill, and Hugh Grant’s character, from beyond the grave, screamed “A HILL!?” and everyone in the village immediately rushed to put a little dirt on it?
***********
Judge Parker : Oh, wait, Bogdan isn’t being hostile, he’s there to rescue them from the Soviet Mind Control device (as seen in the educational video game Command and Conquer : Red Alert 2)! Neddy, rather than Charlotte, is the one who fell victim to it because… well, obviously the device affects the weakest, least mature mind FIRST.
…I dunno why my mind went there…***********
Luann : the Evansii know we hate Gunther, so they put our criticism of the strip in his mouth in an effort to shame us.
…I maintain : Tara and Les are a bad couple, actually, a transparent “Pair the Spares” scheme AT BEST.
************
Mary Worth : This is a fakeout, right? Mary’s backup she was so desperate to seek can’t possibly be TOBY, right?
I do have to give Mary Worth credit for, after doing a storyline in which Toby gets two parrots, showing Toby with two parrots. Not every comic strip has attained object permanence.
MW: Mary knows a doctor ( two, if you count the vet) an academic and a girl with a magical “tummy brain.” And her choice for backup is a ditsy failed artist with a parrot fetish?
RMMD: Mae Mae sure is gaga over Mud. Surely, he’s not the most impressive celeb she’s ever met?
@matt w: I do have to give Mary Worth credit for, after doing a storyline in which Toby gets two parrots, showing Toby with two parrots. Not every comic strip has attained object permanence.
That’s the result of the iron-clad contracts prepared by the legal team working for Sid, Agent to the Animal Stars! I think he must have recently tried using an online DIY legal website in a misguided bid to save on the fees, though, because we sure haven’t seen much of Muffin—neither the gray not the orange version. It pays to hire professionals.
MW: “I have to go now, Mary. The drugs are kicking in and apparently I’m levitating the salad and carrots WITH MY MIND!“
MW: Ian: “The bleu cheese dressing seems to have gone bad, dear.”
Toby: “But I used vinaigrette”
::They look at the birds, then back at the salads::
Both: “URP!”
MW — People have limits on what illusions they can accept–and I for one cannot accept that Toby has trained two parrots to eat kale out of a bowl without fighting each other . . .
@Charterstoned: Also that the thin sheets they’re holding are phones – I refuse to believe they shell out for the expensive ultra-thin newest model. I’m not sure Toby can even figure out a smartphone, maybe a Jitterbug with Ian handling controls
MW: Actually, the current story line shows the exact opposite of what Toby is saying. People tend to have limits on what reality they will accept, often preferring to accept illusions instead. For instance, some bubble-headed faculty wives insist on believing that their husbands are away attending some week-long “teachers’ meeting” instead of spending the week vaping with a certain female sophomore who is relying on extracurricular activities to enable her to pass a course in which she has no interest or aptitude.
RMMD: Does fatso here think having Mud’s picture on the Wall of [hardest finger quotes humanity has ever seen] *Fame* will somehow distract people from trying to figure out who she really is/was/whatever?
JP: Welp, Bogdan sure blew his cover right quick. Apparently CIApril’s lessons in how to skulk in the shadows were for nought. I just hope he’s handy with a gun or something so that he can spirit away the raspberry-haired brat back to her parents (and out of the strip forever, hopefully) without expending too much ammo.
MW: What does “People have limits on what illusions they can accept” have to do with anything in this plot? Clearly, Hart has no limits on the illusions he can accept. Is Toby talking about how Ian gaslit himself into tolerating her parrots, but still refuses to see them defecating in his shoes as a sign of their love?
@Anonymous: The Englishman Who Went Up A Hill But Came Down A Mountain! I saw it when it was in theaters, then pretty much forgot about it ever since, apart from that ending.
Mary Worth
“People have limits on which illusions they will accept.”
Like right now when I hit my limit accepting the illusion that Toby is sober because her statement proves she isn’t- that, and because it’s anytime-o’clock on a weekday.
Luann: If there’s one thing good out of all this mess, it’s that we get to see Gunther’s smug self-righteous indignation deflated.
MW: “Hey, hey, who’s the wise old woman here? You just keep your philosophical ruminations to yourself, little missy.”
Mary Worth
“People have limits on which illusions they will accept.”
The parrots consuming the salad are the visual and parrotative metaphor of Toby’s literal word salad.
Mary Worth: Truly enjoying how Mary is holding her phone gingerly, with the tips of her fingers, and upside-down. She doesn’t need this conversation! She’s never needed it! Meddling is strictly a one-way street, how’s that for a reality sandwich, Toby?
MW: Yes, Toby seems an unusual choice for “backup,” but what if Mary’s plan is to use Toby to distract Harv? Toby will disguise herself and pretend she saw Harv’s profile online and fell instantly in love. Six excruciating weeks of Moy trying to write a sex farce later, Harv has forgotten Trixie completely, and dies happily from his angina.
C’shaft: Suddenly Pam realized: this man is responsible for the lives of dozens of children every day.
DT: Does Flash Gordon know you’re borrowing their plot?
Dustin: “Sorry, Mom, what was that? I’m reading Sense and Sensibility on Project Guttenberg right now for my English class.”
“And I just signed up for a consultation with the state workforce agency. Now, what where you saying that got you all worked up?”
GT: I’m trying to imagine the level of preparation and legal permission it would take to host a “bring your pet day” inside a public school.
HotC: Kid, have you seen a doctor? Pretty sure you should seek treatment if your pica has gotten that bad.
Also Mary Worth: Oh man, I cannot wait for the special 35th-anniversary release of Use Your Illusion III: Mary Worth Bugaloo.
MW: Toby side eyes the parrots eating Ian’s salad. “Maybe he won’t notice.”
Luann: I was going to make a joke about how perfect it is for Les to be smug about not having sex in a way cooler manner than the nerdy Gunther. But then it occurred to me that everyone in this strip is smug, and nobody in this strip has sex. So, uh, happy Thursday, everyone?
MW: I appreciate that the artist has taken pains to give each parrot its own distinct plumage. But I am somewhat less appreciative of the way in which Mary and Toby have each been given their own distinctly improbable way of holding a cell phone.
Crankshat – What in the wide world of sports is happening here? Are these cars moving, meaning that Ed is tailgating? Are they stopped and the minivan is a-rocking and “swimming” is a euphemism?
MW-Tomorrow a despondent Harv will wander the streets wailing for his lost Trixie while hurling people into oncoming traffic.
Gunther: (beams proudly) Yes, yes I am.
JP: Nice of Neddy to wear extra eyeliner for this sinister turn of the plot.
RMMD: Mae’s upset about Doug’s wall of fame without Mud on it. Are we heading towards a “Do The Right Thing” moment here?
@MKay: She has that Cop friend, who she brought in when Estelle was being scammed.
I guess Moy forgot about her.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Well, living in Charterstone is like living right next door to hell. Mary thinks her double talkin’ jive is the garden of eden, and is also a perfect crime. Her bad obsession with beating a dead horse is putting me into a coma. You ain’t the first! Don’t cry!
Luann: Boys! No need to quarrel! You’re both unlikable in your own way.
Mary Worth: I can’t even blame the quality of the lettering this time, but there was a moment when I thought Mary was on the phone with TCBY, aka “The Country’s Best Yogurt.” Honestly, I’d turn to a random purveyor of frozen desserts before I’d consult Toby on anything.
Herb & Jamaal: We laugh at H&J for its lack of specificity, but it goes deeper than that. These strips where Herb silently muses about things the readers hasn’t seen and will never experience, even tangentially, are achievements. The creator, Stephen Bentley, has removed the idea of context from his comic! What’s happening and why do the characters care about it? Good luck, nerds! You’ll never know!
HERB AND JAMAL: Herb: “Rumors are exaggerations of the truth…probably told by some gossipy chippy who thinks packing up, shacking up is all you want to do. I hope when the rain washes her clean, she will not know!”
Yesterday Mary announced that she needed backup and today she called… Toby?!?! That’s the best you could do?! Why not to call Wilbur! He has no special competence, just like Toby, but with old televisions sometimes it worked kicking them!
The parrots are a great way to distract people so they don’t notice that Mary has managed to make a successful phone call on that six inch ruler she’s holding.
***
Yeah, Herb, I like to think to myself in ways I hope will end up in books of quotations too.
Do Toby and Mary accept the illusion that either of them can hold a mobile phone like an actual human being?
Luann:
“When are you going to the masquerade ball as crooner Engelbert Humperdinck, Les?”
“After the Loving Starts.”
“Rumours are nothing but an exaggeration of truth.” Actually, in the age of social media, rumours can be completely unhinged from reality! But people will claim they are essentially true, because the fact that they could fell for them is indicative of the situation! The world has fallen, Herb! After Justice, even the goddess Truth has left Earth and Spes ultima dea committed suicide a while ago!
9CL: She wants you to play the A with your dick, Al.
GT: ”Don’t forget tomorrow is ‘Bring Your Pet to School’ day. The roughly 35% of students allergic to animal dander, remember to bring your gas masks.”
Well, Josh, I am sorry to say that Herb has a better grasp on the expression than you do. Hear me out! The molehill, in the expression, remains a molehill. The person who “makes a mountain” of it is making claims about the molehill which its actual size does not justify. The molehill does not actually become a mountain. And, in fact, much as Herb implies, all it takes is the skewed perspective of the “maker” to complete the effect. Not much effort goes into it at all. I thank you and bid you farewell forever.
Luann – Gunther was originally intended to be a sympathetic character. Then he was a pathetic character, and now he’s just a douchey, prissy little bitch. He’s an Incel with a girlfriend, which is a neat trick. Anyone who can dunk on him has my loyalty. I also just prefer Les. Yeah, he’s a little slick, but he’s also a good friend to Tiffany, who started as a douchey bitch, and is now sympathetic (and occasionally pathetic). And, he has a pet that he takes care of – unlike some pets in the Lu-niverse [cough] Puddles [cough].
H&J: Smart of Jamal to make Herb wear an AirTag device on his apron. No telling when he’ll wander off into traffic. “Mountain…molehill…where am I?”
MW – “That’s terrible! He actually believed those meaningless words, produced only to elicit his affections, were real? And enticed him to hand over a significant pile of green?” says Toby, as her parrots greedily chow down on a bowl of salad.
GT:
“Coach Thorp has an important announcement.”
“Owing to a bar fight, followed by some ill-advised cosmetic surgery in an abandoned Studebaker factory, my nose is wider than both my eyes put together. You are to act like this is normal.”
@Liam: Before barging into a greasy spoon diner and thrusting Trixie’s picture on his phone in the face of every customer and employee. ‘Have you seen this woman??’
@Hibbleton: If we are, it’s going to be ‘Hector’ who gets it when Mr. Pornstache comes back with the cops to accuse Mae Mae of being Lorna Starr and demanding them to drag her back to Hollywood to make more action movies.
MW: Panel 2: Just off camera, an actual grownup has to be feeding Toby her lines.
@Old School Allie Cat: Oh, I would pay real money to see watch Les break another finger on Gunther’s skull right now. Les’ only misdeed was fudging his interests to get a date, which is basically normal behavior in the age of dating apps. But here comes self-righteous Gunther, chomping at the bit to bash Les, not even acknowledging his injury, and. Note also how he announces how Tara is supposed to react to this, when she’s contradicting him with her mere presence in the room.
Gunther is the worst kind of incel: He’s a Niceguy(TM). He’s angry at Les for getting a date, because Gunther is a much nicer guy than Les, and only Niceguys(TM) like Gunther should get dates, ever. Being an incel with a girlfriend is actually easy if you know the trick: just be a male character in a newspaper comic, written by a male author who himself was a Niceguy(TM) and can’t accept that this approach doesn’t work. Because it doesn’t. Not even in any forms of fiction outside newspaper comics.
And, as you note, Les has some identifiable positive qualities, something that cannot be said for Gunther.
Luann-“So what’s the deal here? Are the both of you going to do me at the same time cause I charge double for that.”
MW-It’s a good thing Mary called Toby instead of some sort of social services ya know people who know what to do.
Luann: I know Tara is supposed to be a free spirit but cutting her own hair with nail clippers is a bit much.
@Dan: “Innuendo” is where Les was putting his finger when he injured it.
9CL: The approximately 100,000 strip where the idea/punchline is the characters get horny while playing musical instruments, more rigidly formulaic than Garfield or other zombie legacy strips, but a thousand times more annoying.
Luann: I’m not enough of a Luann reader to be familiar with its secondary and tertiary characters. Can I assume Les played the dentist in a production of Little Shop of Horrors some years ago and then just made that his look for the rest of his life?
MW: It is not true that, if you say Mary Worth’s name into a mirror three times, she will appear. However, if you hold a tiny mirror to your ear, you can speak to her.
H&J: “Rumors are nothing but an exaggeration of the truth.” Uh, sure, Herb. Except when they’re totally untrue and have no basis in fact. That’s also a possibility. In your mind, Herb, is every bit of gossip at least partially accurate? Is this a defense of rumormongering?
@Victor Von: Fun fact: “TCBY” originally stood for “This Can’t Be Yogurt.” As it turned out, many people agreed (but not in a good way), leading to the name change. OK, Wikipedia claims it was over a lawsuit from a similarly named yogurt chain, but I’m not buying that for a minute…
Mary Worth: “So, yeah, instead of alerting law enforcement or anything like that about what’s going on with our eldery neighbor, I just decided to gossip about it with you. That’s the real way to help him.”
Herb And Jamaal: What do you think it’s like for the in-universe characters when Herb does his rambling internal monologue thing? Is it like those gags in Scrubs where everyone just kinda has to wait for JD to stop zoning out with his imagine spots to continue the conversation?
Mary‘s the Worst: Y’know, absolutely nobody I know holds a smartphone that way. The things are designed to work for both voice and video calls, so the microphone and speaker are positioned so that you look at the screen when using it. Brigman (and any number of other comic strip illustrators; see “Crankshaft” if you dare) draw the phone as if it were an old-style land-line handset (go ahead–photoshop a land-line handset into those panels; it’s a perfect fit). Are they re-using old clip art, or are their brains re-using memories of how they held a phone when they learned to draw?
@Hibbleton: Neddy enjoys applying especially dramatic makeup when she’s going for nature hikes in the woods. Frightens away the bears.
MW – “People have limits on the illusions they will accept.”
“No Toby, it’s just that you tried being a magician and you sucked at it. Maybe learn to palm a coin before you try pulling it out of some kid’s ear.”
Herb and Jamaal – Nice try, Herb, but it’s no “Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.” You’re going to have to work a lot harder if you’re ever going to get into BrainyQuotes!
CS: Looks like someone else is tailgating. Seriously, you’re not even supposed to get nearly that close when you’re both stopped at a red light.
DTM: Alice looks ready to bring that spatula across Dennis’ face. Now that’s menacing.
H&L: I’m calling nepotism.
JP: …And if I’m Neddy, I’m throwing snarky Charlotte to Bogdan.
@22 The Quiet Man: on Rex Morgan: Don’t dismiss the Wall of Fame. Every burg memorializes whatever tenuous grasp to fame it can. To wit, Cadillac, Michigan, has a monument to KISS’s two-day visit to the town. To be fair, it’s a marble monolith, not a dollar-store framed photo.
In fact rumors are often more than just exaggerations of truth. And mountains aren’t molehills plus dirt. Mountains usually have a lot of rocks. Trees and bushes too. Sometimes even bears! You don’t get those in a molehill. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Don Abundio is a wise and generous employer”
“Yes, but we shouldn’t take advantage of his kindness, by slacking off”
“I don’t think I can keep a straight face through this whole script”
As the parrots ate, the carrots crept closer. There was only room for one species ending in ‘arrot’ in this house, and the carrots had decided it would be them after consulting the tarot. Maybe they’d use a garrote.
@Jack: And remember, as Donovan said: “First, there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is. First, there is a mountain, then there is no mountain, then there is.”
(Repeated until the end of time)
Herb and Jamaal:
I’m trying to figure out what led to Herb’s semi-coherent thoughts on the topic of… rumors? Exaggeration? Whatever he’s trying and failing to think, looking at Jamaal appears to have prompted it, so presumably something he did aroused the ire of Herb’s internal monologue. However, Jamaal appears to be busy cooking, which in the context of the restaurant they co-run is a perfectly legitimate and productive activity. So my guess is Jamaal just got through justifiably berating Herb for not doing any goddamn work around here, and Herb feels this is an exaggeration and starts resentfully musing on mountains and molehills. The fact that he begins his pondering with the frankly insane claim that all rumors are essentially true reveals that he knows in his heart of hearts that Jamaal is right, he really is a lazy bum.
GT- “Bring your pet to school day”? this is really going to be about furries isn’t it?
MW- ” Beautiful girl, spinal fusion, left poor Hardly in a state of delusion, cause she’s gone Hardly gone(Trixie’s gone) yeah, she’s gone Hardly gone (Trixie’s gone) yeah she’s gone Hardly gone (your Trixie’s gone away)…with your 200K”
@Cleve Barrister: And the day after is “We Are All Going To Eat Peanuts” day, sponsored by EpiPen.
@Peanut Gallery: Brainyquotes? Herb and Jamaal are lucky they get into Comics Curmudgeon.
Check wood lane –
hahaha! it’s funny because both his hands are occupied masturbating!
Crankshaft – ? confused ? So the joke is that she just now remembers Crankshaft has poor vision yet is a bus driver and driving her?
RMMD – That cinches it – she is in a hypothyroid state – she is delirious.
DT – so is the scheme to hit all of the city’s banks, jewelry stores during a black out? Sort of a large scale version of Richard Stark’s The Score?
@Joe Blevins:
Can I assume Les played the dentist in a production of Little Shop of Horrors some years ago and then just made that his look for the rest of his life?
Fair guess. The canon is that his mother, Ann Eiffel, abandoned him as a baby. He was raised by a [gasp] Jewish foster family, then I assume aged out. Uncle Al (not sure if that’s Ann’s brother or brother-in-law) felt some sort of responsibility to Les, and he offers him housing in the DADU in his back yard. He went to Pitts High with the whole gang toward the end. He was into Rosa and she chose Gunther, like you do.
So, even when Ann came back into the picture for a bit, she basically ignored him, but used an old ultrasound of his to try and convince Tiffany’s father that she was preggers with his baby. They called her out on it, and she scrammed.
I blame his general skeeziness on the Ann Eiffel DNA. There’s only so much being raised in the tribe can do.
That said, he looks like a lesser T-Bird from Grease, to me. Sonny, maybe? Tell me more. Tell me more.
@Peanut Gallery:
I’m having a recurring issue wherein my replies to you do not post. I assume it’s the Spanish causing the issue, but why now?
@Jack: Nice.
@Violet: ¡Eso es curioso! ¡Qué muy extraño!
If that gets through, then at least it’s not blocking all Spanish.
Pluggers: Pluggers are medically decrepit meatbags addicted to painkillers #5,826.
FC: OK, I’ll just shave your head, no more tangles!
@Old School Allie Cat: @Banana Jr. 6000: Hey speaking of “exaggerations of the truth”….
Gunther isn’t really an incel. It’s not a garden-variety insult for every guy we might find obnoxious and insufferable (it’s like calling every women a person doesn’t like a “slut.”) Gunther doesn’t really fit the “incel” profile because for one, he’d be blaming this all on Tara if he was. Also Gunther wouldn’t really be against this relationship. A man who blatantly, unrepentantly lies to a woman (who in turn manipulates him and watches him injure himself for her amusement because that’s those little “hussies” do) and then gets rewarded with affection (or whatever simulacrum passes for that here in the Luann-verse) is a incel’s dream. It proves them all their dumb little theories right (and if there is one thing that really gets reactionary men going, it’s being “right”…even if it that “correctness” makes them miserable). Like the thing that makes incels so irritating, but dangerous is that they are really angry women won’t date them and think it’s because they’re a bunch of shallow manipulative “bitches” who like it when men mistreat them, when it’s really because these guys are cretinous misogynistic assholes who have no respect for women’s autonomy.
In any case Les smugly grinning like a self-satisfied douche because he “tricked” Tara into hooking up with him would give a real incel a bigger orgasm then any he would get with an actual partner, and he would be worshiping Les as a PUA guru. I honestly don’t see Gunther being that way. His obnoxious, judgmental self-righteousness just makes him more Bernice without the pop psychology.
“Side of the-“ aren’t these two college students now? Presumably living in a dorm? What dorm has big enough en-suite bathrooms for individual sides??
Luann: Instead of sex, Les and Tara are about to do that Drugstore Cowboy thing where they lie in bed next to each other and zone out with the opioids he picked up at urgent care. It’s why she pushed him to go rock climbing in the first place, as she’s done with a dozen other boys who lied about their danger-sports experience in an attempt to impress her. (Oh, wait, I suppose Luann would never do anything as dramatic as a “love scam” plot. Who knew Mary Worth might actually be the most interesting strip on the comics pages these days?)
“Hi, Les! How was your date with Tara? I hope it was Tara-ble! Get it, because I hope you had a horrible time? I’m the sympathetic character!”
@88 Austria: Only Gunther is a college student. They live in a creepy incel shed in Gunther’s mom’s yard. For reasons. Stupid reasons. It grows and shrinks features to fit the current storyline.
REX MORGAN M.D.: If that’s what you want to call the “Don’t accept checks from this person” wall, Mr Pompadour man, then go right ahead.
REX MORGAN M.D. (2): Greasy McSideburns, the Motel Owner: “We’ll fix Mud’s picture in the lobby, and we he services his 100th hooker here we’ll even put up a little plaque to commem…er…ignore that last part there, little missy.”
REX MORGAN M.D. (3): Seriously though, why would a flophouse like this merit a “wall of fame”? “Hey travelers, gaze at the shitty entertainers too cheap and unimportant to book anywhere higher than a glorified Motel 6! Aren’t you impressed?!
@Baja Gaijin: When I try to explain something in Luann to people, I always feel a little queasy afterwards, like I should be ashamed for knowing this. Same with you?
@Peanut Gallery:
I tried again, but it didn’t go through.
@Baja Gaijin: But this is the first we’ve heard that Mr. Grey installed matching toilets on either side of the bathroom, so Les and Gunther can watch each other while they poop.
FG: New Artist is giving both Dale and Flash fuller, rounder faces. “Those Mongovian double cheeseburgers you made us last night? Keep ‘em coming!”
Next week’s adventure! — Flash no longer fits into the Flying Air Battle Skimmer; Dale throws way all her tight pants and replaces them with sweats.
@Vulpes:
Well, Herb had just got done typing his review of Timex Social Club on Soundcloud’s and…
Ok I’ll stop now. (I don’t want to go too deep in this topic anyway. I mean my best friends said there’s one out now about me and the girl next door!)
@Vulpes:
Well, Herb had just got done typing his review of Timex Social Club on Soundcloud’s and…
Ok I’ll stop now. (I don’t want to go too deep in this topic anyway. I mean my best friends said there’s one out now about me and the girl next door!)
MW-Harv told his bank the reason for the $200,000 withdrawal was that he was getting a houseboy from Thailand again.
@Violet: Que lastima! You may have to restort to ig-Pay atin-Lay.
@93 Rube: Always.
@95 Ukulele Ike: They’re not watching each other poop…
RMMD: im absolutely loving this Mae Mae. Today she shows entirely credible acting skills plus comedy plus improv.
BETTY: Listen to This Old House, guys. There is no such thing as a simple, or cheap, renovation.
GA: Watta disappointment. Here I was expecting a Sat. strip with Walt in ER and debate about resuscitating him or not, followed by a Sunday strip where he wakes up surrounded by loved ones in Gasoline Alley, and we don’t know if he is alive or in heaven.
Oh, well, there may be an Easter surprise for us anyway.
@Baja Gaijin: It grows and shrinks features to fit the current storyline.
So sort of like Snoopy’s doghouse or Oscar’s trash can, except stupid, terrible, and unfunny.
Crankshaft – Serious question: What is the point of this? Is it supposed to be amusing? Are readers supposed to chuckle and think, “Oh, that Crankshaft is such a scamp!” Is Crankshaft supposed to be likable and cute, considering how he drives a school bus in his spare time?
Mary Worth – She’s “making a few calls” to Toby? If the Board hears about this, Mary will lose her License to Meddle.
I hope that Toby will wipe that counter down with bleach before she uses it for food prep. No one likes biscuits infused with bird shit.
Rex Morgan – Aha! Chekhov’s broken photo of Mud Murphy.
Could something please please happen just once in this drivel? Take a tray of food to one of the tables. Something catches on fire in the kitchen when the cook leaves a dish towel too close to the stove. Suspicious patron pays his bill. Paint dries. Anything but this interminable jawin’ about Mae Mae and Mud knowing each other.
FC – Thel’s praying that she doesn’t find any cooties.
9CL – They’re not dressed in formal wear, so at least they’re rehearsing and not in a public performance. Unless they don’t care any more and just wear whatever for their public boinking.
@Ukulele Ike:
#95. FG: after following Flash for about six months now with the strip’s nonstop action, havent we already screened top picture, “One Battle after Another”?
@Baja Gaijin:
Mr. Gray beat up an Englishman and stole the shed from him.
MW: “Pack an overnight bag. We’re going to Meanwhile!”
Luann-“Gunther, smell my finger.”
@Anonymous:
Funny you bring up Cranky. There have been several strips over the past week hinting at Ed’s decline. See 3/25, 3/27, and 3/29.
@I speak Jive:
#103. CS: perhaps, like CURTIS, this is leading to a discussion that dementia is progressive. Is mistaking bikes for a boat normal? Ed needs a checkup
Luann: Les, even though your right hand is out of action for now you still possess a fully funtional left fist. Just a friendly hint.
@Activist: GA: the surprise is going to be Walt waking up in the pew while the church choir is singing the “Hallelujah Chorus”.
Walt starts shrieking in tongues.
@102 Ken: Yuppers.
@105 Liam: I didn’t get the reference.
Oh, so Mary Worth thinks “psychic powers are real and dormant in many people” is true, but “hot singles looking for an older gentleman in your area” is a lie. Which is it, Mary? Which world do you want to believe in? Don’t take this away from me, Mary! Don’t take my hot singles who want to meet me!
@Liam: “Mr. Gray beat up an Englishman and stole the shed from him.”
It’s all right though; Mr. Jackson had already been thinking about getting a second shed. To write his symphonies in.
@2+2=7: Fair analysis. It wasn’t correct of me to characterize Niceguy(TM)ism as a subset of incel-dom, when it’s its own thing that only overlaps partially.
Crank: Seriously, there’s no joke here, right? We snark about the strip going from “Ha ha, that Crankshaft and his malapropisms” to “Crankshaft is suffering from dementia and it’s not funny” without Batty noticing, but I’m starting to think that’s actually what Batty’s doing here. He must be livid that Curtis is doing a Very Special Dementia Story in the same week!
Luann: I’ve said before that everything that gets mentioned in this comments section about Luann convinces me I never want to read Luann. But then every so often Josh (or more often Uncle Lumpy) pushes a strip at me and I think “Oh, that’s right, it’s actually worse than the impression I get from the comments!” Even 9CL only manages to be exactly as bad as the impression I get from the comments!
MW: I was hoping for the return of internet security expert Terry Bryson, to gently explain to Mr H how dumb he was. I was expecting the return of Stell, to tell him “It happened to me once.” I was dreading that it was going to be Wilbur for some reason. Toby wasn’t even on my bingo card!
Pluggers: Then again, maybe “Crankshaft is suffering dementia and Pam is rightfully concerned” is a joke, since “Pluggers are in so much pain” seems to be.
SH: I thought ocean currents were actually fairly mappable. Various species of eel depend on them to travel to the same place every year. Are merfolk just bad at living in the ocean?
S4th: This seems to be being presented as Sally getting cabin fever because the rain prevents her ever leaving the house. Has she told her job this is why she hasn’t been in all week?
@Ukulele Ike: Mr Gray, however, has another 49 of them. Fifty sheds of Gray.
@Hannibal’s Lectern:
Well, also it was terrible. That was kinda a problem for TCBY, too
@2+2=7:
His obnoxious, judgmental self-righteousness just makes him more Bernice without the pop psychology. Yeah, that’s fair.
But early on, Gunther was portrayed as a victim of his own niceness. He couldn’t get ahead because he was a schlub. And now that he’s a schlub who is getting head from Bets, he’s a real asshole to his roommate. He’s an angry little man. Why? Because Les is a surrogate for Uncle Al who took away Gunther’s mommy? Speaking of pop psychology…
9CL-He can’t give her an ‘O’.
@Baja Gaijin:
‘Doctor Who’ The TARDIS is bigger on the inside.
You could even say that all this toilet-related Luann stuff is really putting the “anal” in “anal retentive.”
…I’ll see myself out.
CS: Wait, thanks to plot armor what will happen is the van will pull over by a lake and a bunch of people in neoprene wetsuits will pile out and start unloading their scuba gear. Crankshaft will give Pam the most smug, I told you so face that’s ever been smirked.
@Old School Allie Cat: I have mentioned this before, but it wouldn’t bug me that Bernice and Gunther are loathsome prigs, except that I keep thinking that Bernice really is supposed the voice of reason, and Gunther really is supposed to be a nice guy.
@121 Liam: I thought the Tardis was a police phone box, not a shed.
Late Thread Cuisine: A couple yesterthreads ago’s Fairy Bread sandwich got mixed reviews. Let’s try another sandwich.
@2+2=7: Re Rex Morgan (3) – Don’t forget that Glenwood is the center of the roots country universe. It’s turning into a hot tourist spot because of it.
@Activist: That’s entirely possible. My initial take on this incident was that it’s just another example of how Crankshaft’s asshole behavior is presented as his endearing quirks. However, there was a flash forward several years ago that showed him in terrible shape in a nursing home. And I forgot the biggest reason of all – a story about the main character dealing with dementia would be another attempt at snagging that Pulitzer Prize.
Batiuk’s attempts at serious subjects are always eye rollingly terrible, with straw men, lack of research, and morals delivered with the subtlety of an anvil.
The Familliar Mucus: “Every time you go to the Hershfield’s house you get all these NINAs in your hair,Dolly!”
Luann: The nice thing about Tara being in the little backyard hut is that it keeps Les from saying that his finger wasn’t the only thing he jammed, or at least saying it in those exact words. The nice thing about Gunther being there is that he’s not here, with me.
MW: Starting to think that Moy and Brigman added the parrots so it would look less alarming when Toby made salad out of carrots and an overgrown Chia Pet.
@Dunkelcopter:
#122. Dunkel, it also puts the “anal” in “overly analytic” and “lay analysis”
“
C-Shaft: Crankshaft drops a non sequitur and Pam is terrified to be in the passenger seat of his car, as she should be.
DT: “All we have to do is run our hair driers and our blenders at the same time and the city is ours!”
Dustin: In the long run, Meg’s future prospects are no brighter than her brothers. We all knew this. Whether internal or external factors are more to blame is a moot point.
GA: Aw Gertie, there was no need for that. The little guy was just bringing some delicious Underwood ham for the after-service coffee hour.
MT: It’s three against two, but the Grungey Boys all look like chicken skin stretched on popsicle sticks, so I give the edge to Mark and Other Guy.
Phantom: Apparently the day after April Fool’s is for putting off questions with the implication that the asker is a moron.
RMMD: Mae Mae’s left Hollywood behind but can’t help playing to the cheap seats.
@Baja Gaijin: Cuisine – Are the berries blueberries? If so, I’d try that.
However, the sandwich is arranged to look like two eyes. It’s looking at me.
@Baja Gaijin:
I’ll bite first – what are we looking at here, Baja? Besides a sandwich made by a magic-wielding little girl?
@Baja Gaijin:
It could be anything. It’s just stuck looking like a police box.
Cranky: This would have been funny(-er?) if the Shaft had said someone’s going surfing. Because people really do put surfboards on top of their cars! Ha ha!
I don’t think it’s a dementia joke, or trope. Somone with dementia would ask what all the stuff on top of that car was.
@I speak Jive: #127: Batiuk did do a dementia story back in Funky Winkerbean. Funky’s dad Mort had to be put in a home but a few years later he shows up again, cured of his dementia and now the Casanova of Bedsore Manor. Kind of like how Harry Dinkle had to retire due to acute hearing loss but now directs a church choir, a nursing home jazz ensemble, attends the annual music educators conference where he’s treated like the star of the show, and can barge into his old high school band room any time he wants and undermine the current directors authority.
@I speak Jive:
#132. I know nothing of growing or harvesting olives. But if that is a stick of green olives on the left, then thats probably their over-ripe grandparents on right, snuggled comfortably with a bed oh cream cheese.
@Baja Gaijin: Cream cheese/jelly sandwiches are popular among certain factions of the population, so I agree with the ripe blueberries/cream cheese hypothesis. The pink bread, however, is an enigma.
Not for nothing, but if Mark and Cliff had run with “The Glittery Goons,” I MIGHT almost root for them.
If Herb and Jamaal was a more honest comic, Herb would be saying this stuff out loud so that Jamaal could understand what an idiot his business partner is.
BCN: This strip is just a fun fantasy, so there is no need for me to rant about making a red fox the heavy. Yay. Though I’m a wee bit tempted.
MW: If anyone who has meaningful knowledge about pig-butchering scams, other than “Trixie,” ever actually takes part in H@rvey’s tale of woe, I hope that person will make sure this story ends up as a case study in why having concerned neighbors can sometimes do a scam victim no good whatsoever.
GA: It’s over! It’s over! Yaaaay! I thought maybe Walt would have a happy peaceful death and show up in heaven on Easter Sunday hugging Phyllis, but I’ll settle for this.
JP: It will turn out that Abbey was supposed to call Neddy and let her know that a friend of the Parkers named Bogdan would be stopping by the woods very briefly to meet Neddy and Charlotte. But Abbey got distracted by a passing butterfly, so here we are.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Oooh, that was very nicely done.
@132 I speak Jive: Yes, those are blueberries. Is this gonna be the next thing, blueberry eyes to replace the olive slice eyes on food?
@133 A Grave Mind: It’s simply a blueberry and cream cheese sandwich on white dyed pink.
@134 Liam: Oh. Even though I lived in England, I never got into Dr. Who. I did like seeing the Dalek shampoo bottles during the runup to Christmas.
@137 Activist: Those aren’t olives on the branch. I’m not sure what they are. Hopefully someone can identify the mystery stick.
@138 Ukulele Ike: The enigmatic pink bread is to make it look lovely, plain and simple.
@Poteet: GA: Yeah. It turned out like I expected.
They pulled up before hitting Easter weekend and angering GA’s core audience.
(I was hoping for Walt waking alone in church, finding a portal on the church lawn, AC-DC playing ‘Highway to Hell’ and Homer Simpson screaming about German potato salad)
@Col. Havoc: Makes me wonder if the entirety of Mary Worth, is just kids pretending to be grown-ups.
(Like those Calvin and Hobbes comics where Calvin and Suzie are playing Doctor/Veterinarian)
Except that these are very very boring kids.
@UncleJeff: If Gasoline Alley ever depicts Hell, I imagine that Ida Noe would be involved somehow.
@Poteet: That sounds approximately stupid enough to be how it turns out.
@Baja Gaijin:
If the blueberries are cooked, then Baja-sensei, you have a hit
@Baja Gaijin:
Unless the bread is made of unrehydrated sponges, this looks delicious.
Also, and now it’s too late (work sucks), but as said, been Team Les (ugh) for this whole story. Go for it, dude, your lies can only hurt you here. Love it. Him punking douce-penisless Gunther made my damn day. Not sure why I care this much. Huh. Weird mood tonight.
@152 Deadly Goon Bugs: Not sponges, spongy white bread dyed pink.
@153 A Grave Mind: Did you eat a blueberry and cream cheese sandwich on pink bread? That could cause a weird mood.
@Baja Gaijin: Okay, how does one dye bread? I understand the dyeing process to involve immersing the thing you want dyed into a solution of dye and (mostly) water. Putting bread into water is an extremely poor move if making sandwiches is your game.
I’m thinking “spray paint.”
@Baja Gaijin:
I am probably wrong, but I think those are green Autumn Olives that are just starting to turn red. They’re not true olives and are native to Asia but are an invasive species in the US.
@Ukulele Ike:
The basic recipe for bread is water, flour, and yeast. A little food coloring in the water and voila, dyed bread.
@155 Ukulele Ike: Stop being silly. They threw a bit of pink stuff in the bread dough. Not sure what; maybe sakura petals. Maybe hair from the moppet in Judge Parker.
@156 Deadly Goon Bugs: Could be. I don’t know why those things in the upper left need to be in the photo at all. They don’t seem to be related to the oddly-colored bread nor its fillings.
Luann-“Jammed my finger in Tara.”
@Poteet: Wait! Phyllis DIED??! When did THAT happen? (I went to a comics rehab program and got off GA years ago.)
@Baja Gaijin: Dang! Why did they cut the crust off?!
@Deadly Goon Bugs: Pinch of salt. If you don’t salt your bread, it has no savor.
@Baja Gaijin: Bogdan’s game is to kidnap Charlotte and auction her off to Japanese Big Pink Bread.
@Charterstoned: Crust’s the best part. Cook ate it herself.
@Charterstoned: per Wikipedia — Phyllis Wallet died in 2004. They dealt with her passing in the strip.
Walt was one of the 4 original characters in GA. Uriah, Avery and Doc were written off page as deceased.
So was the original villain, whose name I can’t remember.
GA has perhaps more named characters over the years than any strip.
@161 Charterstoned: For some reason, Japanese think sandwiches without crusts are fancy.
@162 Ukulele Ike: “Bogdan’s game is to kidnap Charlotte and auction her off to Japanese Big Pink Bread.” SNERK!
Somewhere, there’s a version of this Luanne comic, where Gunther asks Les how his date went, and Les says nothing, letting his broken finger speak for itself across three silent panels, his eyebrow raising higher in each one, until Gunther gets it.
@Baja Gaijin:
Sure, they’re like tea sandwiches.
However, I can’t think of cucumber tea sandwiches without thinking of a scene in The Mad Scientists’ Club where one of the kids offers a cucumber sandwich to an adult, saying “They’re good! They make you burp.”
Luann:
Tara: “Girth is more important than length anyway.”
Did anyone else read today’s title as Jamaal’s actually working, someone has to while Herb URINATES endlessly?