“Why even grow a mustache if you’re not going to stroke it thoughtfully” is Lonnie’s take on things
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Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/28/26
Lonnie may be a failed salesman, but he still has an advanced grasp on economics. He knows that what has value isn’t his knowledge of Mae Mae/Lorna’s identity, but his ability to take actions revealing that identity, and he’ll be assessing the various bids he’s soliciting to determine the most lucrative way to exercise that ability.
Mother Goose and Grimm, 4/28/26
What I love most about this strip is the composition. A more literal and pedestrian artist would’ve worked to not cover the Prince’s face with Snow White’s word balloon in the second panel. But in doing so, they create dramatic ambiguity as to the Prince’s reaction to Snow White’s confession. Is he shocked by her callous attitude towards the friends who took her in when she was in danger? Does he respect her ability to make hard but necessary choices in the face of fiscal crisis? Leaving this to our own imagination heightens the reading experience. Truly we’re getting a comics master class here.
Dennis the Menace, 4/28/26
Now, you’re probably thinking that Dennis pointing out the inherent unfairness of gendered divisions of labor isn’t menacing at all. But once you take in Mr. Wilson’s corpse-like vibes and realize that “retired” was a last-minute editorial substitution for “died,” everything falls into place.
Mary Worth, 4/28/26
“The vague affection that all of us ghouls at this cursèd condo complex vaguely expressed towards you? That’s not real love. We’re not capable of real love. We’re not capable of feeling anything at all.”
62 replies to ““Why even grow a mustache if you’re not going to stroke it thoughtfully” is Lonnie’s take on things”
MW One person does not equate to “surrounded.”
Mother Goose and Grimm:
“That’s too bad, Your Highness, because ‘Sleepy,’ ‘Dopey’ and ‘Grumpy’ describe the vignettes here and the readership’s reaction to them!”
The world has gone blue, so I assume we’re well into the night? How long was Lonnie in that bar? This might not be the time to be making decisions, Lonnie! Unless you just sat there eating the free Goldfish until the bartender kicked you out, which tracks!
MW:
“Sharon, can you back up a little, veer right, and then run her over?”
RMMD This looks like a gritty reboot of The Smurfs, with a special plot line for ‘Creepy’
MW Maybe it’s just me, but im getting major ‘sending Fredo off to go fishing’ vibes from that wave goodbye.
Mother Goose and Grimm: I dunno, Snow — you’re an exiled princess with no obvious source of income, other than your “kiss me and wake me up” shtick, which would probably get a lot of attention on OnlyFans. The Dwarfs, meanwhile, are hard-working diamond miners. I think they’ll be okay.
“Real Love” being the name of the terrible Partridge Family tribute band Sharon and her hub have forced the children into. Hervey’s tamborine skills get put to the test!
Bizarro : I’m glad to see the non-Luann DeGroot, Tara Starr and Leslie Knox group in Mrs Fogarty’s class is taking the assignment more seriously. *AND* they’re showing more maturity, too!
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Dennis the Menace : Unbeknownst to Martha, Dennis got his definition of retirement from having watched “Blade Runner” on TV the other night. She should have checked George for breathing before telling Dennis “hopefully soon!”
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Dustin : ….Is the joke that the Kudlicks don’t know Raisin Bran ™ is already a thing?
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Frazz : “Hey, I give Caufield straight As when he’s even MORE obviously wrong, and without him ever realising/admitting it after the fact like you just did. (Granted, I do it in an effort to graduate him out of my class, but still!)”
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Mary Worth : “Surrounded by REAL LOVE”….yeah, right. They’re gonna put up with Grandpa for NEGATIVE seconds before they ship him off to a different home, one where the assisted living involves more close surveillance.
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Mother Goose & Grimm : See, this is why the other four are gonna turn on you, dethrone you, and then your son is gonna end up the “captain of the guard” of some podunk lake village. Then again, you set him up for failure by naming him “Bard”.
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Slylock Fox : EXTRA DIFFERENCE : in one panel, they’re hungrily waiting to eat the GUY DELIVERING THE PIZZA rather than the pizza itself? Which panel? Well, being able to tell is a necessary skill you’ll need to develop for the Animalocalypse…
DtM:
“Mr. Wilson has more dust on him than the mummies at the archaeology museum!”
And now, to make a bland, not-especially timely socio-political statement, Snow White! Main character of the hottest film of 1937!
I assume it was a nice day for golfing.
RMMD:
“…and, perhaps most rewarding financially, what would the readership here pay for me to keep quiet about my Lorna Starr-related ‘thought process’ — such as it is?”
Grimm: In the fairy tale, Snow White doesn’t employ the dwarfs – she’s just a peasant girl and they’re just some strangers who let her crash in their cottage in exchange for light domestic work. But in our fallen world, sure, I guess Snow White can be a hard-hearted efficiency-maxxing capitalist in charge of a mining conglomerate. Do you think she employs dwarfs because she’s technically registered as a disability charity for tax reasons, or just because you can force them into smaller holes than other people?
MW: He’s surrounded by true love, and about 17 tons of steel. With all the luggage and supplies you need for a cross-country road trip, maybe it is more convenient to trade in your car for an 18 wheeler semi-truck.
MW:
“But ‘goodbye‘ is too good a word, gal — so I’ll just say ‘Mary’s swell.’ “
— Dylan, and Peter, Paul and Mary channeling Dylan (adapted)
MW Goodbye my friend whom I didn’t even know was planning for weeks to move away and also never had a clue he was trying online dating for months! I consider this level of connection ‘friendship’ and therefore am sure the vaguely nice let’s-keep-an-eye-on-dad behaviours are the same as ‘surrounded by real love’!
Mother Goose and Grim:
The revelation that Snow White is the dwarves’ employer casts an entirely new light on this supposedly innocent maiden. Since at least in the Disney version the dwarves earn a living by mining gemstones, Snow White is clearly a diamond magnate, and may soon be following in the footsteps of Cecil Rhodes by establishing a new country based on a brutal system of dwarf apartheid. Fortunately, her plans have been disrupted by economic conditions forcing her to lay off 43% of her workforce. Their sacrifice will not be forgotten.
RMMD — Fortunately, Lonnie the Stach has a pen conveniently available in his shirt pocket when he needs to jot down ideas on the cocktail napkins at his next stop in Glenwood’s Old Town. . .
If anyone is going to have a career as a clown it should be Luann, it’s foreshadowed all the time
“Mary, I have not seen H@rvey around”
“Well, Toby, he went to live with his family in another town”
“Mary, I’m not a child, you don’t need to use this euphemism. Just tell me who you hired to liquidate him and whether I can employ his services”
Rex Morgan, M.D.: Looks like Lonnie’s moving up to Glenwood’s NEW town!
Pluggers get sacked all the time. They call it “being laid off.”
CS: The people in this world will go to incredible lengths to avoid the tiniest amount of effort or conflict.
Luann: The indictment of upper-middle-class mediocrity continues. “After my parents spent years and thousands of dollars to keep me safe and educated, I want to be a rodeo clown!” To be fair, it’s not like she’s learning anything in college.
RMMD- this has all the makings of a “Mud Mountain Beatdown”. But thats too interesting, so that’s not it.
MW- “Real Love? Isn’t that the name of the local suicide cult? Oh, well, better get Mr Alora to slap a new coat if paint in the unit for my next victim”
Lonnie is going the right way to waking up in a shallow grave. At least his troubles will be over then.
MW: I’m still expecting this story to somehow drag out another two months, but that’s the PTSD from the last three interminable arcs. Maybe Brigman yelled at Moy to pick up the pace, after the embarrassing timing that put the Christmas tree fire two and a half weeks after Christmas.
RMMD – They’re offering him pretty penny? I suppose it must be one of the 2026 collector-only uncirculated ones, which may (or may not) increase in value.
MW – will someone explain why ascot man’s name is not to be spoken on this site and requires shortening or an @ for the A? I can’t think of any reason the mod bot would be offended…
Luann: In real life, this would be sexual harassment, and Les would be kicked out of school. But because it’s Luann, it’s just harmless banter!
Also Luann: Les breaks the 4th wall. Nobody takes this shit seriously.
A&J: Arlo and Janis like fucking.
Shitcrank: Gil Thorp makes a visit to Ohio, and by the third panel has a broken neck. GET TO A HOSPITAL GIL!
@Banana Jr. 6000:
Point of order on Luann : I *THINK* we’ve been told Tara is actually estranged from most of her family and is financially struggling? (which, granted, makes the choice of profession weirder, but still…)
I mean, okay, that’s what we’ve been TOLD, the way Tara is portrayed (the vehicles she owns and drives, the hobbies she partakes in (that necessitate PAID memberships), her enrollment in Moony U. and Pittsville Community College, etc.) is much more aligned to your reading, I’m just saying that the Evansii do not realise that is the kind of character they’re writing, they’re thinking she more closely resembles what they’ve TOLD us Tara is like.
What is the ethics of gossip journalism? Do celebrities deserve privacy and to be left alone? But on the other hand, their public presentation is fully curated and entertainment journalism is completely subservient to the studios’ PR campaigns, so you will not get a honest view. We should assess how these competing rights balance each other and… [getting passed a note] I am being told Lonnie will engage in blackmail, no debate, he’s just a baddie
“Yes, dwarfs, I said it. I will not engage with this “dwarves” nonsense, enough Tolkien bullshit!”
“Times are rough lately. Especially since I spent all my money lawyering up to defend my fair use rights against Disney. Turns out Snow White is public domain, but the dress I am wearing is not”
@Ettorre: The same with “Elven” originally being Elfin.
Mother Goose and Grimm: I wonder how much Mike Peters would pay for me to keep quiet about it being “lay off,” not “layoff”? Nothing, now that I’ve spilled the beans? Well, orthographic convention never was high return in the blackmail game.
@Everything Is Better With Monkeys: On MW: A particularly stupid and vicious troll here used to call himself H@rvey H@rveyson. Finally even the patient Josh banned him. Apparently when Josh bans someone he totally nameblocks them.
SF: Looking at Panel 2, I am *positive* that’s the expression Ces gets when he comes up with a “brilliant new twist” for JP.
JP: Speaking of which, I notice Santy Bogdan is no longer speaking in broken English… wouldn’t someone in his position start jabbering in their mother tongue? Maybe it costs too much to get authentic Cyrillic characters out of the letter monkeys.
CS: Did you ever ask for it back, you schmoe? If not, add the definition of the word ‘stolen’ to the ever-growing list of things Batiuk doesn’t understand.
GT: Get your popcorn everyone! Gil’s gonna get bodyslammed by a masked government agent!!
MG&G: And by ‘lay off’ I mean ‘kill and eat because there’s no game left in this dark forest’.
Last year when Disney filmed their new “Snow White” movie they replaced the “little people” actors who would normally play the roles of dwarves with ugly CGI creations. They never even refer to them as dwarves in the movie and instead call them “magical creatures”.
MW: Starting off with a full tank for the hour-long trip back to Goleta, Sharon makes the first of 16 planned refueling stops at the corner service station before her enormous, living room-sized, high octane-guzzling Chevy Subdivision with the extra-extra-wide seating that folds out to a king-sized bed runs out of gas.
MG&G: If this was a truly comedic medium, the Prince would be dodging out of the way of the word balloon launching towards his face.
Also Mother Goose and Grimm: I’m imagining Prince Charming being slowly suffocated by that breathless word balloon. This is what happens when your head canon casts Elisabeth Moss as Snow White.
@Anonymous: Ick.
In “Snow White and the Huntsman” the dwarves are played by regular-sized actors, looking smaller through CGI and camera perspective.
Warwick Davis lambasted that film. As Little People actors really could have used that money.
MW: Mary is waving to H@rvey, but she’s actually speaking to her right boob which has apparently slipped out of its fruit sling and is now sliding inexorably down to her hip.
Rex Morgan, M.D.: The Canons of Dort, Sixth Main Point of Doctrine, Article 57: “Those people whom God according to his purpose calls into fellowship with mustache wearers, God also requires to stroke their mustache thoughtfully, and gives to them the loving gift of an indwelling soup strainer.”
MG&G: Huh. I wonder if that will have any consequences when her stepmother poisons her and the remaining dwarfs are in charge of her comatose body. Probably not.
Dennis the Menace: Sure, Dennis poses as though he’s asking an innocent question, and Mrs. Wilson smiles knowingly about the end that awaits us all, but the smiley face on Dennis’ overalls knows it’s being played for laughs and looks to the imaginary audience for approval. (The imaginary audience does not approve.)
@The Rambling Otter:
Well Disney apparently only employed one actor with dwarfism to provide a voice for the new non-human magical creatures. Peter Dinklage called them out for denying the opportunity for talented actors with dwarfism to play these traditional roles. They have magical powers in the movie! Most people only watched it to see just how terrible it actually was.
“Why should we pay you, Lonnie? The information about Lorna’s identity already came out on ‘Rex Morgan MD’, it’s a public matter”
“Correction, it would have been a public matter if anyone still read newspaper comics”
“Fair point”
DtM: Dennis does seem rather demonstrative about it. A little too demonstrative. Loudly embracing anti-gender roles in front of George is more menacing than it appears.
“Turns out those dwarfs got… downsized! Ahahah! But please, don’t repeat the joke or they’ll sue me for discrimination”
Tomorrow on Mary Worth: “I have a message. Harv’s family SUV was shot down over Goleta. It spun in. There were no survivors.”
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV:
We also would accept “Hervey died on the way back to his home planet.”
MW: Mary only thinks her last comforting words to old man H___y in the last panel to avoid:
“What’s that, Mary? All bets are off?”
“I said; now you’re surrounded by real love.”
“I forgot my gloves?”
“Oh, forget it.”
MW: “He may be ripped off and heartbroken again, but I won’t have to watch it.”
RMMD: And how much would Lonnie pay Mud to not smear him down the entire street?
MG&G: Snow White married up. She should be able to afford an entire set of dwarves.
Who says that legacy comics kills creativity? This storyline about H@rvey has pushed each commenter here to find a creative way to spell his name to escape the censor bot!
Rex Morgan, MD: “Captain Kangaroo, Blackmail in Blue” is a pretty good parody title… or surrealist painting title… not a good name for a rock band, though. They’ll have to keep toiling in the Absurdity Mines until they get it right.
“Yep, I dumped that fat bastard Bombur, creepy little Andvari, and Alberich, who I think was stealing shit. The other seven, well, they’re union.”
@Everything Is Better With Monkeys: MW – will someone explain why ascot man’s name is not to be spoken on this site and requires shortening or an @ for the A? I can’t think of any reason the mod bot would be offended…
“Voldemort” was already taken.
Josh, I’m glad you interpreted Mr. Wilson’s expression as one of death, because that’s way better than what I saw it as: afterglow.
Ooh, are we going to get Mud Mountain fists pummeling Lonnie?
@Anonymous 26: I’m not up on my Luann lore. But to me, the fact that Tara exists in this curated, tony suburb at all is proof that she’s got some kind of financial backing. She should be working herself to death just to survive. The fact that she can take a useless college course to dream about a low-paying, non-productive job further supports my interpretation.
Wait, Snow White does not employ the dwarfs! She is canonically a charity case the industrious dwarfs are providing for.
RMMD: My interpretation is that “Hollywood Update Live” offered Lonnie $100 for information about this washed-up has-been, as a joke. But he’s taking the offer seriously, mostly because he needs the $100. Now he’s wondering if he can get $150 out of Lorna instead.
RMMD – I bet Lorna Starr would pay a pretty nickel. Maybe even a dime with finely chiseled features!
MW – It’s entirely in character for Mary Worth to think that an old John Lennon demo recording, reworked by his surviving bandmates, is better than anything in the original Beatles catalog. She applies the same standard to choosing quotes for the Sunday strip.
Dennis – Mrs. Wilson’s comeback: “You have to be tired before you can be re-tired, Dennis.” There, let the little pest chew on that one for a while.