Saturday quotables
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Mary Worth, 5/23/26
I’ve given it a bit of thought and I’ve come to the conclusion that “The condo board agreed we can create a supplemental food supply for residents!” is the most insane way to say that you’ve gotten approval to plant a vegetable garden. “Our wise board recognizes that the Strait of Hormuz crisis will merely accelerate the ongoing collapse of our civilization, dependent as it is on cheap fuel to connect far-flung producers and consumers,” Mary says. “Soon we’ll require local sources of calories for those lucky enough to be inside the Charterstone walls. All hail the board!”
Rex Morgan, M.D., 5/23/26
“And the attention’s never going to waver! I’ve already developed a new business plan that assumes that every day from now on will see as many customers as today, and I’ve taken out a massive loan to fund it.”
Crankshaft, 5/23/26
“Just imagine if I had tried building a strip around some old dipshits hanging around a diner talking in terrible puns to one another. Can you imagine how unreadable that would be?”
23 replies to “Saturday quotables”
MW:
“Tommy! — what are you doing with that hand in your pocket?”
“Aw, just feelin’ around for loose change, Mrs. Worth. Say, did I mention how much I miss Brandy?”
Family Circlejerk – Fortunately, there were no keys in those handbags. They’re all in a large bowl on the dining room table.
MW:
“I’m all in, Mary!”
” ‘All in’ what, Tommy?”
” ‘All in’ a state of acute existential angst — a gnawing, all-encompassing, claustrophobic emotional hunger — my recent separation from my love having driven me to paroxysms of self-doubt!”
“Wow. That statement is really profound, Tommy.”
“Gee, thanks. I borrowed it off a Comics Curmudgeon comment board!”
To matt w, Banana Jr. 6000, and other baseball-minded mudges, if you are interested in the Society for American Baseball Research (SABR), here is a membership application. I hope you join.
Shoe – The standard line for this is, “When he dies, I become the ugliest person in the world.”
Wary Morth:
“Mr Allora’s spending his holiday in Mexico.”
“Oh? What’s he doing there?”
“Helping his cousin. His cousin runs a transport business.”
“Is that so? What kind of transport business?”
“Donkey carts.”
“Donkey carts?”
“I think so. He just said his cousin does cart el jobs.”
Slylock Fox/Rex Morgan combo:
“The moral of our story, kids, is that if you lie during the job application process, things will turn out well for you and your employer!”
Murky Tail:
So who’s the bigger catfish, Mark Sr or Dreama? Who’s got the slipperier skin and the longer facial barbels? Get measuring, Mark!
Wrecks Moregone:
“And if we do any more closeups, they’ll start using our faces for dermatology cream adverts. That means an additional income stream!”
RMMD: In panel 2, the Maemaelanian’s expression seems to fit a thought bubble that says “Thus I will draw the accursed paparazzi into my trap and then exact my most cruel revenge! MWAHAHAHAHA!” Did you know Lorna was a classically trained actor? Her Iago slayed them in San Diego.
SF: If someone could only kick the annoying Forths through that portal and quickly close it, we’d finally be rid of them.
CS: I can’t think of anything pithy or, just anything else to type here besides “[INARTICULATE CRY OF RAGE]”
MW: “Mr. Alora is on vacation.”
You see, Tommy, this awkwardly designed hoe is made especially for trellises, on which very few garden vegetables grow.
RMMD: ‘You can see by my expression how happy and excited I am that you’ve saved my business.’
JP: ‘For example, let me tell you about my daughter-in-law! Hoo boy, what you don’t know about her would make your hair curl! I still don’t know why my whole family isn’t in jail right now because of everything she’s done! Anyway, hire my daughter please, I need a new income stream for my booze budget!’
JP2: Holy shit, it’s Ernest Borgnine!
Luann: [sad trumpet]
So has Batiuk broken his arm with all of this patting himself on the back?`
If Batiuk’s whole career was an attempt to set up the world’s largest commaless speech balloon, I will (for the first time) respect that.
CS. Now we finally know why the reporter has only one arm: Tom ripped it off so he could keep patting himself on the back forever.
MW: “Charterstone putting into action a bold plan to become a self-sustaining commune” is an amazing turn of events. I can’t wait for the first crop failure when they decide to eat Wilbur.
RMMD: “Sure sounds like you hate the attention, but it’s great for me and I’m sure your minimum wage more than makes it up for you!”
Csh: Jesus, that entire wall of text just to say “…but imagine if I didn’t!”
Too bad he didn’t skip the writing session that begat Saint Lisa.
Batiuk’s friends should do an intervention.
Hold on. I just figured out what’s wrong with that plan.
Crankshaft: Just another example why I love Calvin and Hobbes and respect Bill Watterson so much as a creator. He could have dragged C&H out for 5-6 decades but stopped it voluntarily at 10 years (1985-1995) after a glorious run leaving us hungry for more. Crankshaft needed to retire long ago. At least MW and JP try fitfully to find hooks into the present like catfishing, Russian gulag prisons, etc.
Sally4th: The first flying shadow was Rodan, and this one is Mothra.
DT: Let’s guess. 30 rounds per magazine, careful controlled fire of 15 rounds per minute, each magazine lasts 2 minutes. But the way it is shown, they seem to really blazing away, like 600-700 rounds per minute, or ~3 seconds. Hope they brought a lot of magazines and change of barrels!
We can hand wave this away but maybe this is why Beedy eyes ditched food and told the gang to get ready hours before the cars arrived. He and Mumbles had scores of magazines to load! Do I get a Marvel No-Prize?
GT: Is that the world’s largest sand trap behind them? I hope the golf course is secured at night. Sand theft is a real crime.
JP: Classic JP – assuming he knows what is best! “I hereby sentence you to a server job at the café”
MW: OK – but after Iris Beedle (Tommy’s mother) married Zack, didn’t they move away? Why is he still there? Is he living in his mom’s old place?
The Board at Charterstone realized that Soylent Green won’t last forever.
RMMD: Classic RMMD talking at work moment. Summer talking with Michelle and June about her adventures killed off whole days leaving patients fuming. Now we take a break to go over things while orders stack up, food and coffee grow cold. Or did all of that new help pick up the slack?
JP “Nope, no *murders*! Just a bunch of financial scams and fraud, which couldn’t *possibly* be concerning for a waitstaff position handling customers’ cash and credit cards!”
FC Another day, another casual out-menacing Dennis the Menace…
GT and now they finish the golf match on… Milford’s tropical beach at sunset??