Jordan will be a character witness at their trial. “They seemed nice,” he’ll say
Post Content
Mary Worth, 7/5/26
For years, one action item has popped up repeatedly in Charterstone condo association meetings: replacing the doors on the apartments, because they’re cheap and thin and easy to hear through. “Anyone walking by can snoop on your conversations!” residents complain. “Well, we’re going to have the improvements subcommittee look into that,” Association President Mary Worth says. “We’ll need to research new doors that can offer more privacy, but won’t cost too much — after all, a big expenditure like this could cause your association fees to skyrocket! And then we need to find a reliable contractor, of course.” In reality, there is no “improvements subcommittee,” and Mary has no intention of taking away one of her prime tools for assessing when her meddling intervention might be required. And now poor Tommy is paying the price, hearing something that nobody should ever have to hear: Wilbur Weston, of all people, shit-talking him.
Crankshaft, 7/5/26
I referred to the Starlight Ballroom (in Chippewa Lake Park) as “bombed out” the other day, and was mostly joking, but, uh. This panel pretty much makes it look like a bit of loredumping background detail in a post-apocalyptic movie, a monument to a dead but once-great civilization (ours) tagged with some of the most depressing lyrics penned by the Kinks (people living in post-apocalyptic ages love doing pointed, arch graffiti that caters to Boomer cultural knowledge, this is just science).
Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/5/26
Boy, wow, Rex and June both seem real intense about the twins’ extremely low-level “scam,” huh? Almost like they’ve been fleeced by more ambitious scams before and are very bitter about it. Well, have they considered that if they provided goods and services worthy of repeat business, they wouldn’t have been grifted in the first place? The twins are happy to hand over hard-earned (via scamming) money to Jordan in exchange for his delicious food, so maybe the Morgans just aren’t operating at a don’t-get-scammed level.
Dick Tracy, 7/5/26
So the mysterious hacker gang members are named “Wallhack,” “Lootbox,” and “Widescreen”? Come on. Come on. I’m a 51-year-old man and the last video game I was fixated on was Civilization II and even I can immediately tell how incredibly cringe this all is. And Widescreen should have a big wide flat head, to match his name. Come on! This is Dick Tracy, have some self-respect.
176 replies to “Jordan will be a character witness at their trial. “They seemed nice,” he’ll say”
Crankshaft-“Now let us all march ourselves right into the lake.”
RMMD-Rex is an expert on scams. He’s run a few himself.
RMMD-“Sure. You can take this bag,” June says as Rex takes the bag and her attempt at innuendo fails once again.
MW-Tommy then sobbingly runs off to Mary Worth who is waiting for him with a muffin.
Dick Tracy defies the tropes by having the computer hacker live in his mother’s attic, not the basement.
Was June posing for an Art Frahm illustration?
I don’t say this lightly, but I think this might be the greatest Crankshaft ever drawn. This is, like, experimental Soviet art film levels of bleakness.
RMMD: The ‘Dine and Dash’ equivalent wouldn’t work at the Morgan clinic. Hard to Dash after one of Rex’ extreme prostate exams. -And don’t even ask about his gynecological services.
CURTIS: And rabies! Where are your “protect family” instincts, Dad? (And every 11 year old knows about cartoon skunks)
MW: Being condemned by Wilbur just doesn’t have the zing of being condemned by someone who is, you know, NOT a waste of breathable air.
RMMD: Since most people don’t lose their life’s fortune to buskers, I’m not too worried about “The Old FAKE Music Scam.” But I definitely want to be there when Sarah learns about Dine and Dash!
9CL: OK, I actually laughed. First time for everything.
RMMD — How old are the twins supposed to be? Because these two have obviously developed a taste for the finer things in, if not life, then at least Glenwood. Thing Two even knows to hold her red wine in a way that will warm the beverage, which is not something you pick up hanging outside the local supermarket.
Oh, and I can’t believe the Morgans didn’t start using their own reusable shopping bags since Glenwood banned plastic and Rex found out that the store was going to charge fifteen cents for a paper bag. “And let me tell you another thing that’s dishonest, Sarah. . .”
For Better or For Worse: Would Deanna have found it more romantic if, instead of “Grab a Burger,” Michael had said, “Suck My Wiener” ?
MW: Boy it’s true what Benjamin Franklin said, except in this case, Tommy did multiple bad deeds, and only started rebuilding his good reputation after? Anyhow, good try, quote box, I’m sure you’ll get it one of these days!
CSh: It’s hard to know how to end a long-running comic strip. Calvin and Hobbes managed to finish with an iconic final Sunday strip that captured the real spirit of the characters and the world they inhabited. So what I’m saying is, guys, if you don’t feel like writing another Crankshaft tomorrow…
RMMD: It’s amazing that these two decided to make a living scamming people when they clearly have some kind of disorder that makes them say their entire inner monologue out loud.
Crankshaft:
I’m thinking maybe Messrs. Batiuk and Davis could use a hit of tryptophan.
A mall? Today’s Gasoline Alley might as well be taking place at a post-apocalyptic amusement park; at least the gang in Crankshaft know they’re walking through the loss of a bit of Americana.
H&L Somebody please tell Little Bob Dylan there that the words “America the Beatiful” do not appear in the beloved song of the same name.
RMMD:
“Tommy Beedie from over at Mary Worth bagged these groceries for us, Rex!”
“Wow. There must be illegal pharmaceuticals secreted inside!”
Crankshaft : and then The Kinks song playing switches to “Apeman” as Zanzibar the murder chimp jumps out from the bushes and guns down the entire procession.
*************
Dick Tracy : It took me way too long to realise that NYLE.COM is supposed to be a riff on Amazon. (Has it always been the case, or has Dick Tracy actually used the real name/a different fake name before?)
************
Luann : Frank whines that he has to do all the grilling on the BBQ, even though :
a) BBQ grilling is a “guy” thing, and the only other guy here is Bwad.
b) The strip has implied that every other day it’s Nancy who does all the cooking with no help from Frank.
So, I think he should suck it up and just be proud he’s the one making the meal a success. Am I in the wrong here?
************
Mary Worth vs Rex Morgan M.D. : “Once a thief, always a thief”, from different perspectives.
*Wilbur’s unwillingness to believe Tommy HAS sincerely tried to better himself is being portrayed as the wrongheadness of an archetypical senex iratus
*(even without taking into account that Wilbur himself needs to “clean up his act”).*The Morgans insisting that the twins were totally bad guys underserving of charity is constantly underscored by the “action” cutting away to the twins going all “MWAHAHA, WE ARE ACTUALLY MORE EVIL THAN THE MORGANS ASSUME!”
*…that’s the most pretentious way I could have phrased that, isn’t it?Crankshaft:
“The death of a clown…when there’s no one around.”
— Smokey Robinson and the Miracles
Wait. That’s not quite it, is it.
SFx: Sure, Rocket is holding the gold coins, but who stole them? Ask those fledglings where they’ve been the last hour– yesterday I heard them hatching plans on becoming high flyers.
RMMD:
I would say that it’s highly unusual that the two dogs wouldn’t greet their owners when they walked in the door, but I guess this is the Morgans, after all, so what would be the point?
Dick Tracy:
I see that Shaggy from Scooby Doo has, unfortunately, apparently turned to a life of crime. Needs glasses now, too.
MW: Will Wilbur’s overheard words drive Tommy into a downward spiral of self-loathing and drug use, ironically confirming Wilbur’s opinion of him? When answering, remember this is Mary Worth where no plot is too hackneyed for use.
@Pozzo: I think we can all be thankful Frahm was distracted, because who wants to see what would happen with *Rex* holding the celery bag…
@Activist: Oh yeah, “walks up and is willing to be held” is automatically “weird behaviour, suspect dangerously ill” for a wild animal in my books.
MW. Wilbur considers keeping Dawn away from Tommy so important that he cheated on his longtime girlfriend, Tommy’s mom, with a big bosomed South American scammer just to make sure Tommy and Dawn never became step-siblings. Or at least that’s the way Wilbur tells himself it happened. Wilbur is, of course, so easily scammed he can lie to himself.
Crankshaft:
“Let’s elevate the mood here by finding a TV set and queuing up Netflix to watch the fun and frothy Child’s Play!”
S4th I actually kinda like that this time there’s a specific date they’ve landed on and how in the last panel there’s some of what you’d expect for “what to do if you end up in the near past”. (I’d be quizzing others about whether this is still before the Challenger disaster and whether we can try to fix that.) YMMV but I’m watching this one with genuine interest.
Wary Morth:
“Why, Dusk, at this very moment he might be hanging around outside our door, eavesdropping on our conversation for blackmail material!”
“If he did, dad, he’d pay us to stop talking!”
@Bob Tice: I watch a jail-based reality show. It mostly just covers booking procedures, and I find it interesting the walks of life that come in (when they aren’t being beligerent jerkasses), and I’ve seen at least three guys that look remarkably like Shaggy.
But then again I also saw a few guys that look like the Youtuber/parody singer Brentalfloss.
Wrecks Moregobe:
“Besides, where else would the food come with a glass of tasty, tasty ink?”
Dick Tracy includes credits in the first panel. The “Guest Writer: Eric Costello” in the penultimate panel isn’t a credit, it’s blame.
Crunskshaft: Given that Batiuk’s interest in any spark remotely resembling light in this strip died decades ago, lyrics from Pagliacci would be more appropriate: “Finita la Commedia.”
Duck Twacey: Wait, something’s wrong; Vio (“Vio De’Games,” obviously) DOESN’T resemble Danny Devito, as required by Comic Strip Regulation 3:16! When Ray Davies’ solicitors are finished with Crankshaft, they should begin on this travesty of justice!
-Tommy bursts into the room to confront his accuser-
“Mr. Weston, I’m no longer a criminal!”
Tommy immediately gets arrested for breaking and entering.
DtM: Doesn’t Mr. Wilson’s ankle bracelet do the same thing, but without scraping all Martha’s financial data to some bot farm in Bulgaria?
RMMD: I’m going to search “miming music busking” and there’d better be something there, Rex. “Why, a con artist who can actually play an instrument? There’s no such thing?”
@ValdVin:
I just did and apparently….it’s a recognised art form and not scamming?
Popeye: OK, honest question– Where the hell did that giant water-fist come from? Even spinach can’t do water-bending!
Hagar: Loweezy and Helga are always placed in adjacent spots on the funny pages for a reason.
DT: Adding to what Josh already said…
The concept of “Widescreen” could have been done better, like with Amanda Waller from DC Comics, who had a huge square-shaped body, but she was an intimidating figure and NO-ONE messed with her.
Instead of being well… “wide” Widescreen’s entire gimmick is that he has a big computer screen. LAME….
@Ukranazi Stepan: Huh. I’ve heard of air guitar contests but this is a new one on me. (PS If you’re going to enter an air guitar contest: Really, really just pretend you’re Jimi, Pete, Clapton, Eddie Van Halen, Bo Diddley, or Chuck Berry. Nobody is going there to watch someone actually knows how to play guitar form the chords and hit the frets.)
@Buck Ripsnort: Well… actually… in the older Fleischer cartoons, eating Spinach allowed Popeye to break the boundaries of reality. Like turning Bluto into Salami after punching him, turning a Native American Chief into Ghandi, and pulling two sides of a canyon together after Bluto destroys the bridge.
In turn, nothing surprises me with Popeye anymore, even in the more grounded comics’ canon.
RMMD Somebody has never, ever gotten over their Milli Vanilli fandom
Dick Tracy: First Responders Roll of Honor. “Sheriff Benjamin Branch . . . thrown from his horse . . . died from his injuries . . . first American LEO to die in the line of duty.” Come on. I need more details. Probably riding home after a late night at the Bull ‘n’ Eagle.
Went to Chippewa Lake Park many times in my younger days. There were several such parks around and they started as having ballrooms and hosted big bands.
RMMD- “methinks thou dost protest too much”- Beatty must have fallen for this recently.
@nescio:
Costello has artistic assistants who collaborate with him. At first they were Attractions, but now they’re just Impostors.
@MKay: no, I,will not look at 9CL. Nice try, but I spend days trying to scrape myself clean whenever I read this strip.
@pugfuggly: I’ve quit the weekly Mary Worth quotevestigations but I guarantee you that Ben Franklin did not say this. The opposite sentiment appears to be expressed in Sempronia: A Novel in Three Volumes (vol. 2, p. 66), an anonymous novel from 1790: “Can one single act destroy the remembrance of so many good deeds? Impossible, my Valville.”
Crankshaft does a whole maudlin storyline about the death of the big bands and finishes it off with lyrics from the Kinks? Come on. You can’t find anything appropriate in The Great American Songbook? How about “No One Cares”?
Curtis: I call shenanigans. Curtis has seen and experienced at least one skunk before, Cuss Skunk!
RMMD: “The oldest trick in the book;” says Rex in his best Don Adams voice. Forget it! exclaims June. “For the umpteenth time, I’m not styling my hair like Barbara Feldon.”
DtM: Not sure I’d let a kid as irresponsible as Dennis know I have feet made of white china clay.
I’m hung up on how you “pretend” to play the violin. Okay, you’ve got recorded violin music going… and you tuck your violin under your chin and pick up the bow and — do what? Presumably you have to move the bow in a realistic manner, but (a) you can’t let it touch the strings — that would make a noise audible over the music; and (b) if you’re moving it back and forth half an inch ABOVE the strings, that’s gonna be pretty obvious, not to mention hard to sustain without accidentally hitting a string (see (a)). Do people actually do this?
mary worth- no daughter of mine is gonna hang out with a man who eats FRO_YO
C’shaft: Okay, I’ve been traveling for a couple days and I haven’t been able to properly vent, so forgive me if all of this has been said before, BUT:
1.) The timeframe is complete bollocks. Batiuk has apparently resigned himself to the fact that his elderly characters can no longer realistically have been young adults during World War II, but he still wants to keep his nostalgic images of a dapper young Eugene squiring his beloved Lucy to a dance at the Starlight Ballroom before he was tragically shipped overseas. The mention of Elvis puts this scene in the late 1950s at a minimum, too late for “overseas” to be Korea, so he would have had to wound up in Vietnam, making his last dance with Lucy 1964 at the earliest–two embarrassingly square kids alone in a ballroom while their peers are squealing over the Beatles and joining civil rights marches (or, as is more likely the case for these two extra-white white people, counter-protesting them). In an attempt to make things make more sense, they make even less sense than ever.
2.) The title “In the Name of the Father” suggests Harry will be wrestling with his complicated feelings regarding his dad: a man in whose footsteps he followed but whose absence from young Harry’s life left him with a lot of resentment which remained unresolved after his father’s sudden and possibly alcohol-related demise. But he doesn’t “wrestle” so much as nudge them lightly: a bitter comment here, a knowing smirk there. It’s not a deep introspective, it’s barely getting its feet wet in the zero-depth entry area.
3.) Much hinges on the rediscovery of “Sunrise over Kilimanjaro”–something that we can assume Larry Dinkle wrote for his big-band ensemble. If Harry had premiered this lost masterwork with a similar ensemble (I suggested the Bedside Manor band, thus bringing Eugene back into the story), it would have been cloying, but it would have made sense. But no, Harry plays his trumpet for a handful of hangers-on in the ruins of the old ballroom. I mean sure, Larry probably wrote himself some good solo licks, but so what? Try playing the violin part of “Danse Macabre” without the rest of the orchestra and see how effective that is.
4.) And after all that, how do we end? Peaceful closure? The bittersweet joy of passing down memories of the past? Nope, we close in true Batiukian fashion: resigned misery. The world sucks, nothing lasts, life is just watching everything you care about die before you die yourself. This is the legacy he wishes to leave the world, and it’s frankly sadder than his self-aggrandizing self-insert character yapping about his career.
MW: Yikes, Wilbur, any more stones you want to lob at the walls of your glass house? Thoughts on the kettle?
RMMD: I’m not sure what’s more laughable: the Obviously Evil Twins cackling over an expensive dinner they were somehow able to buy with their busking money, or the Morgans being so indignantly outraged at this low-level grift (nobody tell them about the off-brand Mickey Mouse in Times Square, we’d never hear the end of it).
Crankshaft – That post apocalyptic background is a reference to The Burnings. You know, that half assed attempt to burn down the bookstore with a burning paper bag on the stairs, which weren’t up to code to begin with.
Rex Morgan – It’s unbelievable that Beatty would spend four panels on carrying groceries into the house. He would usually spend at least three weeks of strips on it.
Mary Worth – Give Tommy some credit. At least he never faked playing a musical instrument to beg for money.
Seriously, why are June and now Rex Morgan going on and on about the fake music? Faking playing an instrument should be extremely low on anyone’s list of things to be outraged about.
@Twinkles the Elf: Muting the strings by touching the finger but not pressing it to the fingerboard, maybe? I’ve never played the violin but that would be pretty effective with a guitar. Or some kind of fake bowstring that didn’t create enough friction to make a sound?
Somehow this Latin or French or Ukrainian phrase automatically translated to coitus interruptus in my brain.
Dick Tracy: “Sheriff Benjamin Branch! His achievements included: being thrown from a horse, dying, and no other successes. Hey! Who writes this stuff?”
I was told of a Simpsons episode where Homer comes home and wants to pet the dog. Marge tells him that Bart has taken the dog for a walk but that he could pet the cat. Homer says, “What’s the point?”
So you make a good point that with the Morgans, it doesn’t matter if we’re talking about dogs or cats.
@Twinkles the Elf: Apparently yes–the scam primarily hinges on using an electric violin which is turned off while the speaker plays the pre-recorded music. The top article hits I found come from 4-5 years back, so it makes sense the Morganverse is only now becoming aware of the trend.
(Real buskers obviously have a lot of hatred and resentment towards the scammers, who both take money from people without providing an actual performance in return and make savvy passersby more suspicious and therefore less likely to dole out tips to anyone. I would forgive a great deal if this ended with Rene Belluso and his nieces getting pummeled by a street dance crew, a card magician, and a long-haired guitarist that smells faintly of weed.)
Funky Crankshaftbean: Very few parcels of land get an official mausoleum when they die; Chippewa Lake Park is pretty lucky in that regard! And it’s got some pretty high-class graffiti, too. I’m especially impressed by the Air Graffiti inscribed on the sky over the concrete structure that dominates this image. People don’t appreciate how hard tagging is, and getting the paint to stick to the air is especially challenging!
JP: And yet, somehow this is the best guardian Charlotte has had in months.
Pluggers are not making sense anymore, and their children should seriously start looking into assisted living facilities.
Crankers: poor Ray Davies.
SF: at least they are trying. Give them credit for that.
PV: military training as family bonding.
Doonesbury: Trudeau pays tribute to the late Nicole Hollander (“Sylvia”).
I haven’t checked GoComics or my local paper but the Seattle Times website chopped off the title panel which included a drawing of “Sylvia”. The strip as a result doesn’t make sense. (Except as an insult to BD)
@Buck Ripsnort: I thought it was a waterspout or something. This Sunday Popeye story arc has long since passed the limits of comprehensibility so really nothing surprises me anymore.
Family Circlejerk – No, Bil, you’re supposed to put the melonheads in the hole before you dump the dirt into it.
Rex Morgan, MILF Diver – Are we sure the twins are eating at Jordan’s (not the basketball player) and not at the Glenwood Morel diner?
@Rocco:
#49. CS: Rocco, I was a little too young for ballroom era, but it was age progression. Sock hops for high school students, community center dances for recent grads, square and line dancing for seniors, and now aerobics for the elderly. Thankfully, I don’t dance.
RMMD: “We could always dine and dash.” “Naw, Beatty needs to stretch this out for weeks. ”
This plot is if Dr. Weirdly took the old Gil Thorp “DVD knockoff movie arc” and grafted it onto a Reeky Rat scheme with prerecorded music.
You know, in terms of moral complexity, these twins make Dr. Weirdly look like Victor von Frankenstein.
CS: There’s a couple hundred bottle caps, some Stimpaks, and rare laser rifle called “Dinkle’s Misery” under the graffiti on that wall.
@Activist: In St. Paul, we had the Prom Ballroom, which lasted until 1987.
It opened with Glenn Miller’s band…hosted one of Buddy Holly’s final shows….one of Prince’s first shows…had both Whoopee John Wilphart and Weird Al Yankovic and was up to the end anchored by monthly shows by Jules Herman’s big band fronted by “Lawrence Welk’s Original ‘Champagne Lady’ Lois Best”.
*sigh* _actual_ scam alert – Spam at #62
@CanuckDownSouth, RMMD: I’m going further and cite The Archies.
(And if Beatty is this vindictive about fake groups, let’s be grateful that “KPop Demon Hunters” is still off his radar.)
@UncleJeff:
#66. Uncle Jeff, thanks for dusting off the memory..Nearby Clear Lake had the Surf Ballroom (imported sand so kids wouldn’t have to to go to LA) where Buddy Holly and the Bopper did play their last concert. The night, the music died .
You need to spend years honing your musical skills if you want to earn some of the Morgan’s pocket change.
@UncleJeff: The old Elitch Gardens in Denver had the Trocadero Ballroom, which hosted the likes of Noble Sissle, Lawrence Welk, and the Beach Boys before being torn down in 1974 to make room for more rides. The adjoining Elitch Theatre still stands, though the park itself has moved downtown (pours one out for the Wildcat coaster).
Dick Tracy: Did the Tracy folks really think they could make up a trademark-proof Amazon alternative by changing a common letter? As computer “experts,” they should be aware that every potentially meaningful domain name has already been taken. In real life, “Nyle.com” belongs to a company that designs heat-pump technology, such as commercial water heaters, lumber dryers and food dehydrators. I imagine that’s why the boxes their truck just delivered require two grown men to handle. So you’d better watch out, comically kvetchy old lady in the apartment below — if you don’t want your head turned (further) into jerky, just crank up the volume on “Wheel of Fortune” and let the geeks do their crime.
Hi and Lois: Hey H and L, did you know that small children can drown even in a kiddie pool if they aren’t watched carefully? Just wanted to let you know, in case the well-being of your youngest ever happened to come up in conversation! Anyhoo, I guess a family that sets off illegal fireworks in their suburban backyard doesn’t care much about anyone’s personal safety, so do with this information what you will.
Mary Wilbur: Say Wilbur, I’m pretty sure Ben Franklin also said, “A man doesn’t have to be good looking if he has access to French prostitutes.” A word to the wise for you next stint of world travels!
Don Abundio, translated:
“Boss, we should schedule something in the office for holidays”
“Why? We can’t let the employees slack off just because there’s a holiday”
“I agree…”
“But then they take matters into their own hands”
9CL: Today answers the question (that few people were asking, I’m sure): “Can Brooke McEldowney be gross without involving sex?”
@BigTed: It’s true.
The only words that won’t be trademarked by the year 3000 are “Popplers” and “Zitzels”
Mary Worth: This is the first time I can think of that Wilbur’s genuinely seemed to give a shit about Dawn’s safety in his romantic life, and it’s over someone who’s been so thoroughly broken in by the Charterstone Way that he’s the squarest dweeb on the planet. Where was this sternness and involvement when she was dating Dirk the Jerk?
Crankshaft: Only Funky-Verse would spend weeks trying desperately to wring pity and sympathy for someone out of the audience only to cap the story off with a music choice that can only be described as incredibly cruel and mocking towards the deceased. Like, after all that sappy talk and reminiscing about Dinkle Sr., you end on a song calling him a pitiful loser clown?
Rex Morgan: Christ, do these scammer girls actually do anything but act all smug and scheming, grinning creepily at each other and going on and on about how much they love crime and scamming others? Is this what Beatty thinks people are like?
Dick Tracy: I would think if I was running a criminal operation, I wouldn’t do so right next door in the same building to a nosy eavesdropper who can explicitly hear me through the walls and has motive to report my illicit activities to the police. But then, I also probably wouldn’t run my operation in a city where the law is enforced almost exclusively by a lunatic in a yellow trench coat who has an uncanny talent for arranging the horrifying deaths of anyone he investigates, so I guess a little artistic license is to be expected.
FBoFW: Now that Michael’s sister and his girlfriend have almost identical haircuts, the only way I can consistently tell them apart is who’s hand Michael is holding. When it comes to female characters all looking the same, FBoFW is treading dangerously close to JP territory.
Speaking of JP, I usually hate it when a kid talks back to an older person, but here, Sophie kind of deserves it.
CS: Judging from the post-apocalyptic background, I suspect The Burnings have already taken place.
LUANN: I found Waldo. “She’s” sitting at the head of the picnic table.
MW: Chilling to think that Wilbur Weston pens an “Ann Landers”-style advice column. It’s a good thing no one reads newspapers anymore.
‘shaft: So … did the graffiti artists somehow manage to write on the sky before they wrote on the wall? If so, that’s impressive.
RMMD: This strip really commits to the idea of throwaway panels. Rarely have panels been more throwawayable than these.
DT: With all my heart, I love this angry old lady neighbor character and her stepstool that she climbs on when she wants to yell at her neighbors. I especially love that the stepstool isn’t nearly tall enough to accomplish this modest task.
DT: If Sheriff Benjamin Branch’s beat was 1786 Virginia, he should have had a half dozen burly slaves accompany him everywhere to catch him whenever he was thrown by his horse. A real lack of foresight there, Benny.
Crank: Ray Davies doesn’t care: “Death of a Clown” was brother Dave’s first stab at a new career as a songwriter. I always felt guilty when I would get up and move the stylus from “David Watts” to “Two Sisters” when Something Else was on the box, because Dave is probably a nice guy but “Death of a Clown” may be the worst song in the entire Kinks catalogue.
@ectojazzmage: I think Wilbur is projecting.
He is bitter over Iris, so he’s taking it out on her son.
@Rover Berkeley: I never understood the concept of backtalking.
My Mom always accused me of backtalking simply for suggesting a better idea/alternative.
RM MD: what exactly is the scam here, and how does it work? I’ve seen plenty of movies with non-musicians randomly bowing a violin, overdubbed with actual music. But you can’t “lip-sync” a violin in person, with people two or three feet away. Bowing in midair would be obvious, and any bowing that hits the strings would be audible. And this scam requires two people, which means they’re expecting at least 30 to 40 dollars of donations per hour from suburban passerbys, so sorry, no way. Including an attractive woman is part of many scams, but these two are nearly identical, the second adds nothing. And if someone gives 2 bucks because they like the music, well, who cares, what law has been broken? No sign or ticket is claiming live music. I think we all know what the real scam is here, and we’re the victims
@Little Guy: I can totally picture Beatty glaring hatefully at a family happily watching K-Pop Demon Hunters and saying “so you like lying? You like scamming? The actors aren’t actually singing! THE DEMON ACTORS PROBABLY AREN’T EVEN DEMONS! WHEN WILL PEOPLE WAKE UP TO THE TRUTH?!”
@TheDiva: I can kinda understand real buskers getting annoyed about people pretending to do what they do, but beyond that I genuinely can’t comprehend caring about this. Like, unless you make a habit of giving away your entire life savings to various beggers on the street, this “scam” will probably cost you all of, what, five to ten bucks out of your pocket? Who gives a shit. This is the definition of a victimless crime.
@TheDiva: You do a fantastic summary of everything wrong with this story and arguably Funky-Verse in general, kudos.
@Anonymous: I feel like we’re all aching desperately for Batiuk to bring back that chimp and explain what the hell that was all about.
Rex Morgan – I’ll pull out a hair and put it in the food, then we can get a free dessert. After we’re finished here, let’s find a random girl we can tie to the railroad tracks.
MARY WORTH: I dunno why Tommy’s feigning surprise at this conversation. I mean Wilbur was never one for subtlety “Oh noes, the guy who’s never liked me since the days he was inexplicably banging my mother turns out not to like me! Obviously I’m the one who hasn’t changed here.”
MARY WORTH (2): Also, as usual, some of y’all are letting the Wilbur drama distract you from what’s most important here, and that’s that the “Brandy” portion of the story was totally irrelevant. Nothing that happened in the beginning mattered in in the slightest and the rest of this story could have easily been told without it. Was the impetus for the plot being “Oh,Tommy’s depressed so I can see that he’s ‘changed’?”
@BigTed: Depending on the area, it might not be illegal; fireworks ordinances vary.
Anyhow, I think we can safely say this is highly stylized, what with Dot and Ditto wearing oversized Continental Army costumes.
@UncleJeff: Hey, this one’s by Dave Davies. The way Ray sometimes introduced his brother as “Dave ‘Death Of A Clown’” with a sarcastic tone suggests some resentment that he didn’t pen what turned out to be a pretty big hit.
Thank you for listening to “This Is Your Brain On Crankshaft.” Just say no, kids!
Mary Worth – I suppose a quote from Ben Franklin is in keeping with the mood of the weekend, but really, couldn’t this have just been “. . . but fuck one chicken . . ?”
I’m pretty sure Wilbur is just a bet now to see how odious they can make him before people start storming the syndicate offices.
***
If there is anything post-apocalyptic movies have taught me about people walking in a nice row, a good number of these characters are about to die a very violent death. That sounds like good news because you’d think it’s always the elderly and we’ll finally be rid of Crankshaft and Dinkle, but no. They usually have some unexpected survivors and they will be major characters. The second last pair are goners though. And whatshername walking beside Crankshaft, so at least there’s that.
***
So apparently this “scam” actually happens and people actually call it a scam. But I’m sorry, the Morgan family, I just can’t get worked up about it. They’re getting spare change, they’re not draining someone’s bank account. Everyone in Mary Worth was less bothered by Chester Ascot, The Man Who Wears Ascots, losing 200 grand to a real scam than the Morgan family are about these fake musicians possibly getting some paper cash thrown at them on occasion. From what buskers rake in, this fancy, expensive restaurant is probably an Applebee’s.
***
“What do computer nerds like?” “Video games?” “Oh, I’ve heard of those before! Space Invaders is still big, right? It has to be! I’ll give them a Space Invaders poster, really geek them up. LOL! Nerds! Anyway, time to Ask Jeeves for some nerd words that I can use for names…”
Yeah… Tommy will then pull a “Then let me be evil” and go back into drugs, and Wilbur will smugly say “See I told you he hasn’t changed”
@ectojazzmage: In fairness to Wilbur (gag) I don’t think he knew about Dirk’s abusive tendencies, but he does know about Tommy’s criminal past.
And the thing is, I don’t blame him for being concerned. If I had a daughter and she was getting close to a former methhead, I would be worried about the consequences to her if they got together and he relapsed.
This level of scorn and disdain, however, is crazy over-the-top, especially considering Wilbur’s manifest lack of character.
Gotta give them this though, “Nyle” as a legally distinct Amazon is pretty good.
@Tabby Lavalamp:
If there is anything post-apocalyptic movies have taught me:
These people are either minutes away from being shot by raiders, or eaten by zombies.
I hope for the former, because even though Zombie crankshaft will be marginally more likeable (he can’t talk), it still makes him in a sense immortal (or until his body rots into a puddle of goo) and I will not allow that.
@Tabby Lavalamp: The Disgaea franchise (which takes place in the Netherworlds) had Amazombie.
@Anonymous: Luann – you are very, very wrong. Not because you’re on the wrong side of fairness or anything, but because your “making the meal a success” comment assumes facts not in evidence. Frank’s plea for help is the sound he makes just before he drops the plate, ruining the meal, and blaming everyone but himself. On a day when even Weenie World is closed (so the staff can enjoy a busman’s holiday of grilling hotdogs for their families), the deGroots will have to turn to the the roller grill at the local SpeedWay for their festive meal.
I am starting to realize, the whole “Belle” arc, may have been an futile attempt at comedy?
Where one character is trying to literally kill another character and everyone is completely oblivious to it.
The only time that I genuinely found that funny, was in the Tiny Toon Adventures movie, where Hamton’s family, on a roadtrip picks up a hitchhiker with a hockey mask and a chainsaw, and he keeps trying to kill Plucky, and even though the killer is sawing up the seats with a literally revving chainsaw trying to get to him, no-one notices.
Then this exchange at the end after all of the plots wrapped up.
Hamton’s mom: Did you give that nice man our address?
Hamton: No, I gave him Plucky’s!
It’s past time Oglaf called it a day.
Like Questionable Discontent, it’s so bad now that it only reminds readers of how good it once was.
REX MORGAN M.D.: See, as if we need any rather proof that these chicks are EEEEE-VIL: They like eating at chi-chi places like (ugh!) Jordan’s instead of real eateries where they deep-fry everything in lard like true red-bloded Americans!
REX MORGAN M.D. (2): “Why are some people so dishonest?” I know people are giving Beatty shit for this storyline, but you have to admit it takes real talent (or at least chutzpah) to portray people as both obnoxiously condescending in their smugness and yet ridiculously naive at the same time.
@Tom: #91: Remember, Dawn tried to tell Wilbur about Dirk’s behavior but he quickly cut her off to regale her with tales of his sex romp with Belle.
@2+2=7: I used to follow Beatty on Facebook and even belonged to a one panel group he founded. It probably won’t astound you that he came across as a bit of a prig and as being damn touchy.
Whose slogan was Whoopee John Wilphart and his band will play.
Dick Tracy:
We finally meet the Hacker, or Widescreen as he is apparently called, lover of video games and specialty chairs. You know, I expected better from Dick Tracy. After its hyperviolent era of ironic deaths ended well over a decade ago, it turned into a vehicle for general pop-cultural nostalgia like old comic books, and even occasionally dipped its toe into more modern fandom stuff like furries. Why, just a few weeks ago it established, much to my consternation, that longtime villain Mumbles was himself a furry! But after all that, now the strip feels free to indulge in tired old gamer stereotypes, what with the stained shirts and dimly lit room and junk food packaging all over the floor. Nerd solidarity has been thrown right out the window! But what really galls me is that not only does Widescreen not have a head shaped in a grotesque imitation of a computer monitor like a proper Dick Tracy villain, he’s not even using a particularly wide monitor by modern standards. That’s just three normal monitors end-to-end! It’s not the same thing!
I love how much the Scamtwins(tm) take joy in their supposed scamming. “Just imagine — we’re enjoying this expensive meal on money we scammed!” “Yeah, all we had to do was spend hours in the sun performing and the stupid rubes thought they were entertained and gave us tips in proportion!” “Yeah, performing our SCAM!”
@Spunky The Wonder Squid: See post #79.
Ray can let Dave have this one. Flip the album over and listen to Ray’s “Waterloo Sunset,” the most beautiful pop/rock ballad ever written. For elegiac 1967 Brit nostalgia it knocks even McCartney’s “Penny Lane” out of the ballpark. Cricket wicket. Whatever.
@ectojazzmage: It would certainly make a lot more sense if one of the strip’s multiple musician characters was getting into high dudgeon about this, because then it would come from a place of professional integrity and possibly having done some past work as a street performer and knowing how hard it can be to make a buck that way. Coming from the Morgans, it seems to arise from the same snooty indignation that tanks entire social programs helping thousands out of the fear that just one person among them is gaming the system.
Crankshaft:
Tom Batiuk’s Funky Winkerbean was of course obnoxiously maudlin and sentimental during the second half of its run, with storylines about alcoholism and cancer and chronic traumatic encephalopathy acted out by self-righteous characters who smirked and constantly assured themselves that their suffering proved their moral rectitude. But it was leavened by its sister strip Crankshaft, a “fun” strip about a hateful old man who’s a dick to everyone while mangling the English language. Now that Funky Winkerbean has ended, I get the sense Batiuk is missing the suffering. Pain can be habit-forming, as W.H. Auden pointed out, and Batiuk has formed the habit. He held out for a while, but in this storyline in particular he’s started to transform Crankshaft into a copy of his old strip, with an emotionally manipulative storyline featuring characters like Harry Dinkle that we had hoped we were done with. Even so, Batiuk has been relatively merciful to us so far, but you just know that eventually he’ll need to feed his addiction with the really hard stuff, and we’ll cower in fear as we witness the terrifying return of Les Moore.
@Vulpes: I was almost afraid that was Les Moore at the end of the pack with his Rod Blagojevich hair.
Most are doing their best to look solemn, but I like the woman/girl fourth from the left who has a perfect “What the fuck is this all about?” look.
@The Rambling Otter: I really wish that movie had a DVD or even a Blu-Ray release, because that whole road trip storyline was one of the most hilarious things I’ve ever seen. The ‘hold your breath and make a wish!’ scene in particular always makes me laugh as much as the ‘Homer and the Firecracker’ scene from the Simpsons I mentioned yesterday.
@TheDiva: I suspect it WAS one of the 5 billion roots country musicians at first, but Beatty realized he’s under contract to use the main characters on at least ONE story per year (and they are the biggest experts on snooty self-righteousness, so….)
@UncleJeff: Death of a Clown was written by Ray’s brother Dave.
@110 Gladly, the cross-eyed bear: Dave’s not here.
How about using “come dancing”, as they talk about tearing down the local Pally?
Crank: Even I don’t quite believe my obsessive research nerd tendencies led me to this, but having learned from the Son of Stuck Funky link that Chippewa Lake Park is (or possibly was) a real place, I ran an image search to see if it actually has an abandoned caravan graffitied with Kinks lyrics, which would at least go some way to explaining this. Results were inconclusive, but I can say the place is otherwise every bit as bleak as Crankshaft makes it look. (EDIT: Or at least was, before its reinvention as a nature park earlier this year, which I guess Batty either didn’t know about when he wrote this a year ago, or is ignoring because hope and renewal doesn’t fit his vibe?)
I also learned that the Starlight is #6 on one blogger’s list of the most haunted amusement park attractions. And the same park‘s abandoned rollercoaster is #5!
Phantom: “So, how is the boy’s development into the Ghost Who Walks coming along?”
“Mixed. He accepted the staff without even commenting on the skull motif, so he’s becoming inured to that, but I offered him gold and he said he didn’t need it, rather than taking it anyway to stash in a Treasure Room forever!”
Pluggers: “You know how Jesus made the lame walk? Well, my cane also lets me walk! That’s gotta mean something, right?”
SH: Is this the inverse of that intermittent fault where sometimes the Sunday strip only shows the colours, or was the time Holbrook (or whoever) was supposed to spend colouring actually spent failing to think of a metaphor that actually made sense? If the latter, then ironic that it’s a strip about someone meeting a deadline!
LUANN: So…which aspect of today’s strip better epitomizes the Evans impeccable timing and that their finger is on the pulse of today’s society:
1) Having their big “special holiday strip a day late?
2) Having said strip follow a story that was all about how boring-ass Bernice has “nothing to do” cause all that of her other
vague acquaintancesfriends were too busy enjoying life like chumps? (Good thing Ox also doesn’t like frivolous pastimes, so Bernice doesn’t have to invite her “new friend” to this barbeque. Have fun organizing your sock drawer while everyone else eats burgers, Ox!)3) Having a strip set in 2026 where characters blithely brag about American being a shining, lasting example of a Representative Democracy?
Mary Worth – I am going to praise some of the art work here. Dawn’s resting bitch face in panel 3, completely ignoring Wilbur’s attempt to lay down the law while his authority is undercut by the Hello Kitty mug in his hand, should be used as illustration in a textbook about parents and their young adult children not getting along.
Rex Morgan, MD – We’re at the part of Late Stage Capitalism where enshittifiction has gotten so bad that the worst scam imaginable is withholding repeat business unless excellent quality and service is given.
Dick Tracy – According to the Officer Down Memorial Page “Sheriff Benjamin Branch died after falling from his horse while collecting the county’s taxes.“.
So not even dying chasing a bad guy, engaging some lost unit of Redcoats who didn’t hear the war ended, or being shot by revolutionary who only fought for the first part of the slogan “No taxation without representation.”
Also, I would be remiss not to share this tribute from a retired sheriff to the first recorded US law enforcement officer to die.
“Sheriff Branch,
You now claim the unfortunate distinction of being the first in our profession, to make the ultimate sacrifice. For quite some time we all thought Constable Quimby was but as history continues to unfold, your contribution to God’s never ending war against evil was revealed. I suspect that as time passes, others may come to light and will take their honorable place in LEO History as being the first. But for now Brother, we Honor you as your name sits atop of a long and distinguished list of God’s Heros.
Thank you for your service and your sacrifice.
May God continue to bless and keep you.
Your Brother,
Sgt. (Retired) J. M. Appleby
Maryland State Police
December 12th, 2024”
MW: “I still don’t want you to hang around with him any more! Wait…if someone overheard us just now, they wouldn’t know who I was talking about. Let me try again: Dawn, I still don’t want you to hang around Tommy Beedie any more!” Wilbur might not have any sensible reasons for any of this, but you have to give him this, he is very dedicated to advancing the plot.
DT: It probably won’t come to anything because it seems like the author doesn’t know anything about computer games, but if I were a criminal I wouldn’t make my alias something that gets popped open to see what goodies are inside just in case.
@Tabby Lavalamp, RMMD/MW/MT: Dang, if you didn’t hit it on the nose with Chester. I don’t know if Moy will do a follow-up, if ever, but for now, it’s Oh Well Anyway. (Again, Jules is doing a better job about catfishing in MT.) But for the Overlook Twins, it will be the Evilest Evil That Ever Eviled.
C-Shaft: Dave Davies of the Kinks actually knows how to make miserable subjects funny, which is all that needs to be said about that.
DT: The idea of having hacker goons with codenames that are sort of hackerish and sort of goonish is still…I think the correct term is “in beta.”
MW: It’s probably best for Ben Franklin that he not know how Wilbur built a good reputation by shoving people in the street.
RMMD: Even these, um, nefarious criminals know to stay on Jordan Like the Country’s good side.
…”And now at the Bombshell Starlight Ballroom the Crankshaft Crooners have a request tune going out to your friend and mine,Baja Gaijin, that moldy oldie….”The Death Of A Clown (Die,Clown,Die!)” Please enjoy with your midnight cuisine selection of Potato Poopies with Aspic Dressing. Yowsa, yowsa, yowsa Is Everybody depressed?”
@Rover Berkeley
FBoFWFOOB: More like 9CL Territory.@Spunky The Wonder Squid: Thank you for listening to “This Is Your Brain On Crankshaft.” Just say no, kids!
_______________________________________
“No kids! Hey I DO feel better!”
Dustin: Dustin’s clothing line might not be the stupidest idea in the world. Sure, it would consist entirely of undistinguished sports and casual wear. And sure, any decent thrift shop would carry something similar. But think of all the thrift shops that would sell that moldy shirt for $75. He only has to undercut them.
H&L “We’re glad you could spend time with us, Thirsty. It’s too bad Irma couldn’t make it. What’s she doing, anyway? Thirsty? Where’s Irma? What did you do with your wife, Thirsty?”
JP: Charlotte’s being left alone with a rambling Sophie is the kind of thing she could call Child Protective Services over.
Luann: Strictly speaking, you’re not a teen anymore. But it sure is true that minutes feel like days when spent with you.
REX MORGAN M.D.: I know I’ve said this before, but, incidentally, I love how Jordan’s has become the epitome of “high-end restaurants”, despite the business’s origin story having Jordan specifically state that he did not want to run that kind of eatery. The poor guy just wanted to run a Chilli’s knock-off. Too bad Jordan, you should have run you business in a place where people have palates more sophisticated than reheated meatloaf.
@Ukulele Ike:
“Death of a Clown” isn’t even close to the worst song the Kinks ever released and I’ve heard 99.9% of everything they have ever released. It is not entirely written by Dave either as Ray helped with the bridge. And it was not the first song written by Dave; that would be “Wait “Til the Summer Comes Along”, two years prior to “Clown”. I’ve met Ray and had a brief chance to talk to him about his music but I’m not sure I could handle Dave. His music is often chaotic, in an interesting way, and his interviews seem to be as well. But “Clown” is one of the best things he wrote (with Ray’s help) and has held up remarkably well over the decades. Not bad for a then 20 year-old. For Dave’s discussion of the song: https://www.songwritingmagazine.co.uk/interviews/death-of-a-clown-the-kinks#:~:text=Of%20all%20his%20compositions%2C%20which,of%20his%20output.%20Originally%20released
I’m mostly unsettled to know that part of Hitler’s Atlantic Wall was apparently located in Northeast Ohio. I’m just going to assume it was stormed by Steelers fans (or employees, anyone with a Steelers poster, Hell, the actual Steelers), and feel safe in my assumption.
@Big Sky: You win. I know better than to get into a Kinks argument with somebody named after a Kinks song from my favorite Kinks album.
And I have no bone to pick with Dave’s songwriting; “Love Me ‘Til the Sun Shines” and “Susanna’s Still Alive” are high up on my personal hit parade. I just don’t like “Death of a Clown.” Or “Mindless Child of Motherhood,” for that matter.
All this talk of the song ‘Death of a Clown’ and until I went to look up the lyrics I had it completely confused with ‘TEARS of a Clown’. Picturing Batiuk’s misery pron set to a frothy pop number (with an absolute earworm of a hook!) gives a certain sense of ironic satisfaction.
@Stuart F: #103: If the Scamtwins had just worked a shift of light labor in the air conditioned supermarket they would’ve earned more than enough to eat at Jordan’s. There’s an old saying about con artists, they’d rather earn a dishonest nickel than an honest dollar. They’re of the mind set that if it’s earned dishonestly it ain’t real work, and if it was earned honestly it ain’t real money. If Uncle Jimmy is Rene Belluso, last heard from he’s actually raking in a comfortable income from his Mirakle Method royalties but he’s still working on scams because he can’t get it out of his system. He’s mentoring the twins in a life of con jobs like a Fagin to those street urchins.
@Buck Ripsnort: The giant waterspout is from Popeye’s uncle, Davy Jones, the ocean-spirit whose locker holds the souls of shipwrecked sailors. Davy called in one of the favors Sea Hag owes him to get Popeye a ride to her sister’s place. (Popeye’s own ship is still rebuilding after a previous adventure.)
Popeye’s aunt married Davy Jones, if you’re wondering; this was put in the comic strip in about 1939 and got referenced for a few decades after that and then got forgotten until Randy Milholland took over and decided he was going to use everything that has ever been in any Popeye thing ever.
@The Quiet Man: In a former incarnation, I was a Motown bassoonist.
@Stuart F: Reminds me of that Simpsons joke, where Bart was in detention in Mrs. Krabapple’s class.
Skinner comes in and he and Krabapple start making out, so Bart runs into the supply closet, and reads aloud a poster regarding the Planets of the Solar System over and over to drown them out.
Then when it was time for his Astronomy test, he got a A.
Bart: When it was time to do my test, the answers were already in my head, it was like a whole other kind of cheating.
@Bob Tice: My mind went there too. And I like the Kinks, but I don’t know very many of their songs.
You know your life needs rethinking when you realize you’ve just been staring at the hairdos of Dawn and the Scam Twins and trying to decide which is worse.
Also, Dawn and the Scam Twins would be a good terrible rock band.
Late Thread Cuisine: In honor of @120 GarrisonSkunk.
@134 Poteet: Bonus: Neither has a massive spit curl.
@The Quiet Man:
Edie McClurg killed it as the momma pig.
I just checked Amazon and it looks like Summer Vacation was released on DVD and Amazon Prime so that’s good.
(Whispers) and Internet Archive.
@Joseph Nebus: Randy Milholland took over and decided he was going to use everything that has ever been in any Popeye thing ever.
I love Randy Milholland for that. It’s good to have Sutra Oyl back, from the Bobby London era. And I enjoyed the company of Happy Hooligan and Mister Jack, the horny cat in the top hat.
Still waiting for Eugene the Jeep and Alice the Goon.
@138 Ukulele Ike: I agree. Randy knows how to mine the past without the current readers needing to know the intricate ancient history of the strip [cough]Dick Tracy author[cough]. I love that he recast Olive Oyl from the ditsy damsel in distress to a snide bitch who can usually take care of herself. I like he brought in both Brutus and Bluto then gave ’em differing personalities. He can tell a pretty good story, too. The Sunday strips are a highlight of the comics page.
LUANN: That the Evansii apparently consider Bernice to be the brains of LUANN is so pathetic. Guess what, Ms. Dimbulb — there are more than thirteen million Americans who are 84 or older. Even a brief contemplation of the current U.S. population should have told you that “few” is ridiculous.
@The Rambling Otter: Oddly enough, that’s from the same episode, “Homer vs. Dignity,” in which Bart complains that the balloons in Springfield’s parades are lame, which Marge denies, pointing out a Funky Winkerbean balloon.
Unfortunately, this is one of the most prominent references to FW in popular culture.
@Poteet: Bernice has to be the brains of the operation. Outside of Frank de Groot she’s the only one who wears glasses.
@Baja Gaijin: Unlike Better Homes and Gardens, McCall’s had nothing to do with Iowa, so we’re off the hook for those, um, things. Though you have definitely shown us far worse.
@Baja Gaijin: True! And June reigns supreme for Worst Hair. Yes, her daughter is now tragically forehead-impaired as well, but the rest of Sarah’s hair mitigates the awfulness. For now.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Bwahaha!
@Baja Gaijin: Yeah, Brutus and Bluto was a genius move.
More Wimpy, though. J. Wellington Wimpy is the best comic character in the history of the medium. Except, of course, for Egypt from Moon Mullins, Mary Marvel, and Offissa Pupp.
@Joshua K.: And, amusingly though not surprisingly, Batiuk apparently thinks that reference was a loving compliment.
@Baja Gaijin:
#135 in case no one has called them, twice-baked (aka stuffed) are great — providing the potato skins are crisp and the filling tasty. Topping them with a slice of cheese is extravagant ;-)
@Baja Gaijin: Methinks you meddled with the recipe card, Baja Worth.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Terry Pratchett in one of the Discworld novels had a similar take — that road bandits often spent hours felling trees to block a road to rob one carriage, while working as a lumberjack involved the same labor and absolutely no risk of getting a crossbow bolt in the chest.
Not that the scam twins are at any risk of getting wounded. That might result in them having to be treated by a doctor, and we know how unlikely that is in RMMD.
@Baja Gaijin:
Potato and sliced cheese. Throw in a steak and Jack and ALL is well
@Bob Tice: Nicely done.
@Poteet: Glad you liked.
@148 Activist: According to the recipe, the skin should be crispy–they’re rubbed with margarine before the initial cook.
@149 taig: I cannot lie; I meddled this like Mary Worth on an old man who wears bow ties with an obsession with a dead dog. The original recipe title is “Baked Tuna-Stuffed Potatoes.
@151 A Grave Mind: Even with the potato stuffed with flaked tuna fish?
@Baja Gaijin:
Baja-sensei, my love of tuna flakes with stuff is transcendent!
@Big Sky: While doublechecking the authorship of “Clown”, I found a Facebook page from Dave Davies.
I’m happy to report that he and brother Ray are reconciled, working on some art projects and apparently healthy and loving life.
Dave wrote a nice piece mourning Clive Davis, who revived the Kinks career back in the 1980s….including, of course, “Come Dancing”.
Rex Morgan, M.D.
Wow, I bet June was really grateful that Rex took that bag of groceries the last three feet to the counter.
@Vulpes: well, the bag would have been in the shopping cart from checkout to the car, so those 3 feet *were* the only risky bit for a Frahm Event.
@Vulpes: Rex probably threw out his back under the weight of the celery and baguette.
When his pants fall down tomorrow, I got ten bucks says he wears polka-dotted boxers and sock garters.
@Little Guy: I’m going further and cite The Archies.
As an equal and opposite case, let me cite Tony Burrows who had a succession of Top-40 hits by fronting varying bands of middling renown some of which barely existed except in studio sessions. He was a repeat member of the One-Hit Wonder club.
@CanuckDownSouth:
#158. Frahm Event? Please explain, nothing comes up on search
@Activist: Art Frahm’s cheesecake art included a *lot* of women carrying shopping bags who suddenly had their panties’ elastic give way. Lileks’ of Gallery of Regrettable Food had a section about the effect of celery (always in the bag) on gravity and elasticity
more at https://www.lileks.com/institute/frahm/index.html
@161 Activist: Search for “Art Frahm embarrassment series”. Mr. Frahm created posters with women carrying a bag of groceries with a bunch of celery sticking out the top, with their panties around their ankles. They had expressions of embarrassment on their faces. Mr. Lileks created an art gallery of Art Frahm artwork.
@162 CanuckDownSouth: JINX!
#162 #163: uhmmm, thanks?
@UncleJeff:
Well, sort of. After the Kinks released yet another rock play, “Schoolboys in Disgrace”, Dave told Ray that he was leaving the band unless they went back to rock and roll. After their contract ran out with RCA, Davis, who was a fan of the Kinks told Ray he would sign them to Arista only if they gave up on the theatrical albums and went back to basic “R and R”. Ray finally got the message, which resulted in “Sleepwalker” (hey Bobcat Goldthwait; still waiting for the movie adaptation). Ray wrote “Come Dancing” as a tribute to one of his six older sisters who gave him a guitar on his 13th birthday, went dancing that night, and died of a heart attack at the tender age of 31. “Come Dancing” was based on his older sisters going to the local dance halls but Clive Davis did not want to release the song because he didn’t think U.S. audiences could relate to it. He told Ray it was a “great ditty, but it’s not a song”. I think Ray always had it in him but he needed to hear from others that his theatrical albums were not as great as his other stuff.
@Activist: Uh, well, the more you know? (-: But now you can appreciate Ukulele Ike’s comment about Rex’s boxers, so there’s that…
Dick Tracy again:
Looking at the strip again, I noticed that while “Widescreen” is a pretty straightforward name for a gamer villain, his minions “Lootbox” and “Wallhack” are a bit more opaque. Now, the video games I play are mostly either retro, furry stuff, or pretentious indie titles that always seem to describe themselves as being about grief and loss, but I’m plugged into mainstream gaming culture enough to know what a lootbox is—it’s a bunch of randomly-selected in-game crap that you have to pay actual money for in the slim hopes of getting the rare good stuff. But “Wallhack” puzzled me. I briefly wondered if it was a speedrunning term for a glitch that lets you pass through a wall in a game, but a quick internet search revealed that “Wallhack” is a manufacturer of gaming-oriented accessories, particularly a line of glass mousepads. They claim a such a mousepad will improve the movement of your mouse, and they better mean it because all of them cost upwards of a hundred bucks. I hope that the Dick Tracy creative team just floundered for a third gaming-related term before making up “Wallhack” out of whole cloth, because the alternative is that it’s the least efficient payola in human history.
@TheDiva: Hey! Rex slogged through 8 years of school to get to a place where he could bill a single bilateral procedure with two separate codes! What did these girls put in? Huh?
On the other hand, unlike unca Jimmy, they can grasp fundamental concepts like “don’t shit where you eat!”
@Baja Gaijin: Please tell me those are genuine Kraft singles and not some of that imported Red Leicester crap from across the pond!
@170 richardf8: Yup, American cheese slices.
@Activist: ? (And every 11 year old knows about cartoon skunks)
____________________________________________________________________
Hey! I resemble that remark!
RMMD: What if we just stood outside in the hot sun and freezing cold and pouring rain every day, and begged for money from passers-by, while acting like we are playing music. But we’re not playing the music! Haha! It’s the perfect scam! Wait…
@I speak Jive, yyRMMD: Beatty likes and needs his villains to be idiots.
And I was wrong. It’s upscale Jordan’s, not the diner. Now I’m bored. Back to MT. At least we may see Happy punch out Mark.
Part of me wonders if Wilbur is projecting when it comes to Tommy. Maybe it’s easier to be him if you just stop believing self-improvement is even POSSIBLE?
@Guillermo el chiclero: Must’ve missed that part. Par for the course for Wilbur.
MW – We can’t all be suave, super cool responsible solid citizens like you, Wilbur….