People love daughters … daughters who kill
Post Content
Judge Parker, 7/8/26
Hey, remember when Neddy tried to be a TV writer, and managed to sell Netflix a pilot about April, the violent, terrifying CIA assassin daughter-in-law of the strip’s namesake? Well, having run out of ideas after her first idea, she’s now trying to pitch a TV show about Ann, the violent, terrifying scam artist daughter of the strip’s namesake. She’s gonna keep at it until she runs out of daughters!
Mother Goose and Grimm, 7/8/26
So the way a joke works, usually, is that you start with a setup that’s grounded in the known and the expected, and then you hit your audience with a surprising twist. Like, imagine beloved cartoon character Bugs Bunny giving us his classic line, “What’s up, doc?” That’s expected. But then the point of view expands, and we can see that he’s not just delivering a saucy greeting — he’s actually requesting medical data from a doctor, who has some tough news for him. Now, would that be a good joke? Enh, not really. But, I submit to you, it would be recognizable as a joke, in a way that today’s Mother Goose and Grimm most definitely is not.
Luann, 7/8/26
Luann, meanwhile, is beyond “jokes,” and I respect it. Bernice is going to become an influencer for toilet perverts! There’s some backstory leading up to this, but honestly you don’t need it.
144 replies to “People love daughters … daughters who kill”
I assume it has been taken off the roll to fold, and fold well, so either Bernice likes to spin the TP roll like an especially dopey cat, or her post is a BIG cry for help. Few will notice.
Bugs sure does look fat and hungover for a guy we never see eat anything other than carrots. I TOLD you Big Carrot was naught but a purveyor of lies!
No comment on the storyline, but I think that’s the first time I’ve seen any character not in the actual Marvel comics acknowledge the existence of Jubilee from X-Men, which still puts her above any Luann character in terms of relevance.
“Anyway, didn’t Sophie leave you in Norway, slightly-brownish person? Do…do we all get a slightly-brownish person? Abbey is missing out, here!”
JP – Inspired by a true story = total hogwash….
MG&G – Everything but those Medicare/Medicaid reimbursement rates…right doc….
Luann – Bernice’s new blog – My Daily Poo….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Crankshaft vs Luann : I wasn’t expecting today’s strip to be “your uncharitable reading of yesterday’s strip? TOTALLY CORRECT!” for BOTH these strips. Harry Dinkle really DID choose to become a dictatorial asshole as a cover for low self-esteem from never having received validation from his dad (and is expecting people to feel sympathy for the latter while ignoring the despotic former), Bernice Halper really IS scolding people for posting about what they’re doing during the summer because she wants them to acknowledge her as the “better” person again!
(I swear I didn’t look ahead when I posted yesterday
because I forgot how)*************
Judge Parker : She’s gonna keep at it until she runs out of daughters!
…I thought Neddy was younger than either April OR Ann… Though I admit, I have NO IDEA how any of the Parker-Spencer-Drivers are related… I mean, I also routinely get JP and RMMD confused with each other, so…
************
ALSO LUANN : Yeah, what is with this comic and Bernice doing toilet stuff? At least this time, it’s off-panel, rather than us having to watch her meticulously put toilet paper on the seat, and carefully sit down.
************
Mother Goose & Grimm : “Though, all in all, you’re pretty good shape for an octogenarian in PEOPLE years, to say nothing of your age in rabbit years. Definitely better shape than my other patient, Ted Buttlick or whatever (he’s a sleazy “lawyer”, though the only thing he ever seems to do at his firm is eat all the donuts in the break room).”
MW: Dammit, I hoped I was wrong, but it looks like Moy is going there. So we’re to believe that Tommy spent weeks depressed because Brandy left him and never thought once of going back on drugs — but one unkind word from Wilbur Weston sends him back?
Luann: Ironic that Bernice’s toilet paper origami demonstrates the futility of the impermanence of existence in the most permanently stagnant comic in existence.
MG: So close to Big Chungus reaching the funny pages!
Judge Parker:
“Of course, Neddy, whatever the story, it’s better than anything this strip produces!”
Mother Goose and Grimm:
“Doc, coming to see you is a hare-raising experience!”
Mother Goose and Grimm:
“And if these conditions converge, Bugs, I’m afraid I’ll be saying ‘That’s all, folks!’ “
Judge Parker:
What’s on the end of that fork, anyway? — it looks like used Play-Doh.
MW: Last time we had a plot where Tommy was confronted by the demons of his past, an old friend shoved a crack pipe in his face and Tommy managed to resist it. And now Moy expects me to worry that he’s going to relapse due to the judgment of Wilbur Weston? No. He’s going to go to the pharmacy, buy every drug test they have, and force the Westons to watch as he urinates into the sample cups. He will maintain eye contact with Wilbur the entire time.
Give Bugs a break. Eighty-six is really old for a rabbit.
JP: Is Ronnie supposed to be eating tortellini? Shrimp? A very small, misshapen croissant? One of Ursula the sea witch’s lipsticks?
@Bob Tice, @Lauralot: I was more fixated on the way she’s holding the fork, like she’s about to perform a self-tracheotomy. But now that you point it out, this is something of a Naked Lunch moment.
MG&G: Bugs Bunny eats nothing but carrots, so frankly if he’s having cholesterol problems, the rest of us just need to give up with our diets entirely.
Luann I choose to believe this is nothing more than Bernice showing how you can get a nice point on the end of the roll like a hotel’s setup (*fingers in ears and eyes screwed shut* *lalalalalalaaaa I’m not listening…*)
@Dennis Jimenez:
#5 LUANN: “My Daily Poo”– and she has a predrawn emoji to use.
LUANN: It’s a good thing The Evans’ aren’t that internet savvy, so the infamous Princess Bride meme can roll right over their heads.
LUANN (2): I also appreciate that even though Bernice got the pity validation she so desperately wanted, she’s still moaning and complaining anyway*, because that’s just the kind of fun, pleasant-to-be-around personality that makes her such an “introvert.”
*Yeah I know it’s “mean” to blame Bernice when her creators are the ones whispering in her ear going, “Damn it, it’s only Wednesday! We need to stretch out this story, stat! Yes, that’s it girl, pad out that screentime!”
@Ken: In the context of this strip, I can think of at least one thing wrong with that title!
RMMD The finger-nerve-damage plague throughout the comics world is now spreading, with symptoms expanding from just claw-spasm phone grips to insane grabbing of wine glass bases…
(… or the artist drew the fingers on the left and right, the glasses clinking, and then noticed that having the wine stems go through the fingers reasonably would have two very different lengths, decided to plop the wine glass base wherever and go off to make their tee time.)
GT *sigh* It takes two seconds to check what an Instax-style camera looks like and where the button is. Oh, who am I kidding, if the artist took two seconds to compose the sketch, we wouldn’t have one earring floating off Keri and hovering both above the ear and several inches out from the face to be in front of the camera
MW Ditto to all the “he’s already faced worse, good grief”. What I don’t get is that from what I understand of the typical addictions program (especially 12-step), wouldn’t Tommy have the idea of you’re an addict but not a drug user, you will be dealing with this one day at a time (the “I’m an alcoholic” AA idea despite sobriety). This should be something he’s already faced in himself, so who cares that Wilbur says it
“That’s my scorn voice, not my envy voice,” says Bernice, using her “disdain” voice.
MG&G: This could be the first doctor review that reads, “Whatta maroon!”
RMMD: Dear artist: Granted, you’re not Albrecht Durer, but you do hands pretty well. Why then, oh why, are they holding their wine glasses like the people in “Mary Worth” hold phones?
MW: Upon learning that Wilbur has sent Tommy spiraling downward, what will Mary say? “Judge not, lest ye be judged?” “Everyone deserves a new start?” “If you can’t stop being a moron, at least soundproof your apartment?”
Luann: Hmm…reading from left to right: envy, anger, acedia, and lust, with implicit pride all over the place because this is Bernice we’re talking about after all. We look to be only gluttony and greed away from a remake of Seven ending with Luann’s head in a box, and I for one could not be happier!
JUDGE PARKER: Ronnie* better watch out, because super-deep tan indicates that she’s almost ready to become her own “Black best friend.”
*Sophie’s BFF is gone so this actress is free to play “Ronnie” again, right?
JUDGE PARKER (2): “By the way, that’s the sort of thing you tell in person, not over the phone…preferably to someone who won’t interrupt your explanation with pointless non-sequiturs.”
MW: does Tommy not realize Wilbur is an idiot and a waste of skin who’s never not even once, expressed an intelligent thought? I am holding out hope Wilbur’s stupidity will lead Iris to make a quick return to Charterstone for the sole purpose of setting Wilbur on fire.
MW: What in the hell is the narrative direction of this?
CS: What in the hell is the narrative direction of this?
Luann: What in the hell is the narrative direction of this?
Judge Parker: I’m going to go with “shrimp scampi” as the most interesting thing about all of this, because Lord knows Reena sure seems to.
MG&G:
Editor: “Can’t we get a name? Is Sonic available?”
But then the joke doesn’t work?!
Ed. “Ÿeah, about that.”
@CanuckDownSouth: For those with better memories and/or search skills: Did Tommy join an addiction program when he stopped using? Sadly I’d bet in this strip the answer is no, and all it took was one meddle from Mary (“You’ve just got to want to change”) for him to stop using.
Ugh, I now suspect that rather than going to either his dealer or his sponsor, he’s going to run into Mary and she’ll straighten him up with a pithy line from Spinoza or Dylan Thomas or whoever Moy is misquoting this week.
S4th: “Burma-Shave.”
Luann – I’ve been sucked down more than one rabbit hole watching people clean a rug that was stored at the bottom of a mud pit, or someone who restores wedding dresses with mystery stains. I’ve even sat through someone restocking their child’s snack fridge. So, what people will stick around for on social media doesn’t surprise me. I’m people. You want to show me your dog using voice recorded buttons to tell you he loves you? I’m in.
Judging by panel two, Bernice’s influencer shtick should be “the amazing phone levitator”
Luann: Oh, that’s why I dislike most influencers. It’s envy. Because they’re doing… things.
Apparently, I’m one of the “Bernices” of the world, and I should put down my guitar and stop editing my podcast/latest short story to clean my bathroom and take pictures of it. Don’t I feel skewered!
Chix (sic): Having momma chicken rubbing her sore ass after complaining to papa chicken about her daily pounding is a nice touch.
FC: “Ï’m tired of being emotionally stable. I want to flit around like Richard Simmons.”
Mother Goose and Grimm-“Then what’s down?” “Your carrot has gone limp.”
RMMD-Tomorrow. “Ya got my cigarettes?”
MW-“I’ll show Dawn’s father how much of an addict I am.”
“Vlogging my Log” with Bernice is surprisingly popular among the ASMR crowd.
Luann-At least Bernice didn’t post a picture of her on the toilet.
Thorpe:
“Enma, Never change! Cunt…”
Frankly, I’m having trouble following these Barajas penned GT story lines.
@CanuckDownSouth:
Re: MW, Tommy, and 12 steps. I believe you are correct, but I don’t think “addict” is the proper terminology. NA is a similar model to AA, so Tommy should be able to brush that off, especially if (as suggested) he’s been clean for more than just a few days and going to meetings regularly.
But not for nothing, everyone—even Tommy—knows Wilbur Weston is a capital Loser who has a drinking problem of his own. Why should Tommy care what a drunk like Wilbur (who can’t regulate his own behavior) thinks?
FLASH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!: Today, Flash and Fria join the Mile-High Club.
Phantom: I know the villagers are shocked by the sudden crash, blam, and boom. But they should be impressed by the aim and throw of the guards… is it still an old timey derogative term “spear chucker” being resurrected!?
Rex Morgan: These girls have a lot to learn from their uncle about grifting – being seen in their grift gear when not active, hanging around near the scene of the crime, talking about the scam in public.
DT: So, a popular chair, an order from a neo-chicago restaurant and a ping to a game server in north america leads the cyber hounds here. Please let the result be that the three digital dweebs we saw earlier accidentally got one of their computers infected and someone far away in central or east asia used it as a relay point to create the hack.
JP: Neddy is just doing what authors are always being told – write what you know. She knows about bashing people on the head with wrenches and incoherent adventures without conclusions or plotting.
@A Grave Mind: “Bugs sure does look fat and hungover for a guy we never see eat anything other than carrots. I TOLD you Big Carrot was naught but a purveyor of lies!”
Yeah, but I’ll bet his vision is fantastic! [Does ten seconds of research] Oh, goddammit!
@CanuckDownSouth: I do think that’s the intention here: Bernice mentions that she “tidies,” so in the next panel she’s posted a picture of the toilet she’s cleaned with anal (pun not intended) diligence. But since most people only fold toilet paper as a prelude to using it, the punchline creates all the wrong mental images.
Luann: Sounds to me like Bernice is less of a “quiet introvert” and more of a “boring loser with no life and avoidance issues” who gets bitchy when she sees other people having fun when she chooses to be withdrawn.
Why would you “scorn” people for “doing so many things.” That’s what life IS. Also, too, not everyone who posts pictures online is an “influencer.”
Bernice is also lucky that her friend’s parents let her stay with them throughout the summer without paying rent, when she’s old enough to live on her own (as “quiet introverts” prefer). Why is she not paying rent, or a share of the bills? Why does this person not have a job? Perhaps if she were pulling her weight, she’d have less time to whine.
@A Grave Mind: Sure, on TV, he’s the carrot-loving guy. But come on, that’s for the show. That’s fiction. When the cameras stop rolling, Bugs is a pack-a-day smoker who puts away caviar and foie gras by the pound, washing it down with a fifth of whiskey.
If this Luann storyline doesn’t end up with Bernice having a mildly-successful, extremely niche OnlyFans where she “tidies up” naked, and Bets and Gunther having a wildly-successful, extremely perverted OnlyFans, we will have been robbed blind.
@Banana Jr. 6000:
“MW: What in the hell is the narrative direction of this?”
Tommy going to go find some drugs and/or crimes to do, but will stop at the last second when he sees Dawn and/or Wilbur in some kind of peril. He’ll save the day, Mary will meddle Wilbur into saying Tommy’s a great guy and Dawn should marry him, and Mary gets another ride on the SS Compensation.
CS: What in the hell is the narrative direction of this?
Batiuk will finish retconning yet another character who used to be funny into a miserable sack of neuroses and then go back to publishing his memoirs in strip form with Ol’ Man One Arm. (“And they said my autobiography was unpublishable! I’ll show them! I’ll show them ALL!!”
Luann: What in the hell is the narrative direction of this?
Nancy’s going to back up Bernice’s passive-aggressive bullcrap while Bets and Gun-‘I’m not a controlling Incel!’-ther miss the whole convention because they were staring at a phone.
JP: Neddy, you do know that a lot of writers invent people and experiences they haven’t personally witnessed, right? Or are you mad because you want to get in on the romantasy market but can’t figure out how to get in touch with a darkly handsome, domineering, night-winged fae lord?
Luann: No, I really do think Bernice is on to something here. People are worn out with being made to feel inadequate by attractive, cheerful influences posting about their enviable, exciting lives that following a tedious bore with a completely unenviable life could really put things into perspective. Instead of FOMO, they could experience GINH (Glad I’m Not Her).
@brendancalling: I mean she does clean up after herself, which is more than Luann ever does. But yeah, Bernice does need to get off her high horse and get a job or volunteer or join a book club or something, rather than treating her completely empty schedule as a sign of virtue.
Crankshaft gives us a supervillain origin story.
GT: That earring? I mistook it for the camera’s flash going off.
Pluggers: “Bend over and pick it up” assumes facts not in evidence, your honor.
Zits: Jeremy’s on the inescapable path to getting into tallow, isn’t he?
FC: Billy, you’re ungrounded when your team shows they can’t win without you. They’re currently on a six-game winning streak.
RMMD: Finally, a closeup of the wine glasses, filled with what I’ve thought for days was used motor oil.
DtM: He’s a future engineer, alright.
@Doc Wonmug: And then the German clients make Bernice an offer she can’t refuse and becomes famous in a field once associated with Ella Fitzgerald’s vocalizations.
Judge Parker:
I haven’t been following what’s been going on in Judge Parker, but this strip has instantly put me on the edge of my seat—not because it seems like a particularly interesting storyline, but because the use of ambiguous terms like “this person” and “the one” has me wondering whether this conversation passes the Bechdel test.
@Scott Christian Simmons: Bugs makes a mysterious appearance at the end of the trailer for the mysterious “Coyote vs. Acme” movie which is possibly coming out this month.
Yeah, I love Luann, but Bernice is easily my least favourite character in the strip. Not sure why Luann is still friends with her. It’s not like she doesn’t have other friends.
@TheDiva: On JP – Do they though? Last night I watched a review for the third movie in the ‘Enola Holmes’ series. Could they have come up with female detective character in Victorian times who goes around solving mysteries that fix things like misogyny and colonial plunder forever? Of course not! They had to make her the sister to Sherlock Holmes! Gotta have that IP recognition!
Polaroid vs Gil Thorp Enterprises (2027) Case Law EXCERPT
“And then what happened Mr. Jones?”
“We made an agreement with the author of Gil Thorp, Henry Barajas, to feature our new Teen Swing (TM) Polaroid in his comic strip. The strip purports to be aimed at the high school reader, as is our new camera. ”
“In exchange for a financial payment?”
“Yes, a nominal fee, and some cameras.”
“Go on.”
“Our only stipulation was who used the camera in the story. It had to be one of the more attractive student characters, like the horse girl or the one who smells pretty. And we were quite clear, not Keri “Peanut” Thorp. She is a very troubled and unpleasant character that would sully the product.”
“Go on.”
“We expected to see the product placement in May or early June, coinciding with the school calendar. We were not aware that Milford apparently is on a twelve-month schedule, and that the kids would still be in classes in July. Promises were made about prom night, which itself was incredibly late, but we waited patiently.”
“Then you opened the strip on July 8, 2026?”
“Yes. And there was Keri using our phone.”
“What happened next?”
“We immediately called Mr. Barajas, who assured us that the numbers of fans for the strip were growing, and that it was very popular on LinkedIn. This was not the response we wanted…or believed. We did not want Peanut using the phone. Obviously we reached an impasses, as we are here now.”
“Your honor, may I now refer you to the precedent established by Hello Kitty v, Karen Moy?”
@Ukulele Ike, yFG/Phantom: “HAHAHAHA! You cannot win, Alien! My personal shield is impervious to all, and NOTHING….”
*POW!*
* Kit hovers over an unconscious Ming *
{Flashback}
“Oh Ghost Who Walks, we give you this mystical Jungle device, guaranteed to defeat any opponent, here on Earth or in the skies.” *
“What is it made of?” *
“It is from the product of our fresh solid waste.” *
“So, in essence, you pulled this device out of your ass.” *
“Old Jungle Saying: To make shit up, you must make it from shit.” *
* – From the Bandar Tongue
C’shaft: The cultural landscape is filled with tragic villains–Frankenstein’s Creature, Heathcliff, Sweeney Todd–whose nefarious deeds stem from the cruelties that have been visited upon them and as a result elicit a certain sympathy even as we recoil from the harm they inflict on innocents. Then there’s characters like Harry Dinkle, who tell sob stories of their past and prompt one to respond, to paraphrase the Brooklyn Nine-Nine meme, “Cool motive, still an asshole.”
DT: *sigh* Playing on a North American server means it’s likely he’s not in another region, but far from impossible–especially for someone who’s supposed to be computer-savvy enough to work around the system. Jeeminy Christmas, I understand you’re writing a techno-caper for people who need to ask a librarian how to file their taxes online, but you can do a little research into these things…
FG: On the one hand, “Disk of Death” is kind of a silly name for an arena dedicated to ceremonial trials by combat. On the other hand, at least it’s not the CryptoAI.com Disk of Death.
GT: Okay, you held up a coaster with the Instagram icon on it. Now try it with something that can actually take a picture.
MW: Tommy, think about what you’re doing! Are you going to let the opinions of Wilbur Weston dictate your life? The man thinks mayonnaise is a food group!
Pluggers are carelessly ravaging the coastal ecosystem.
RMMD: Why are they holding their wine glasses like pencils?
“I think the audience would love stories based on the events in the life of our family!”
“Have you seen how few newspapers still carry ‘Judge Parker’?”
“Coming soon to Cinemax, Miss Prison. An heiress and a spy false imprison a foreigner. The spy gets away and the heiress is charged with kidnapping. Enter the actress, who listens to the whole story and agrees to make a movie about and is charged with misprision of a felony for hiding her knowledge of the crime. What? It’s a real thing – 18 U.S.C. Sec. 4. She faces up to three years in prison and a fine. Will she go free or will she be . . . Miss Prison.”
@treetown:
I think that’s what they already learned from their uncle.
JP: Ronnie holds a skewed shrew on the end of her fork. “Gotcha!”
I’ll give “Luann” its flowers: the idea of Bernice posting a picture of her toilet for no discernable reason is insanely funny.
Judge Parker: It’s totally unsurprising that Neddy is the kind of “writer” who just takes stuff that happened to people she knows, changes the names, adds a little Hollywood-brand sensationalism and goes from there without actually coming up with any kind of story beyond that. What is surprising is that she’s failed to land a deal, considering Hollywood loves that brand of exploitative hackery. Clearly her mistake is pretending that the events are fictional, rather than just outright telling the execs they can make money off the pain and suffering of her hometown and it’s people, which will get the job offers rolling in like blood in water to sharks.
Mother Goose: So, something that’s been becoming increasingly known in recent years is that the association of rabbits and carrots was caused by Bugs Bunny’s love of them (which was a reference to a Clark Gable film) and that while rabbits like carrots okay enough, they’re not that into them and a carrot-only diet will be super unhealthy for them because of how sugary they are. Thus this strip could’ve been a clever little gag on the pop cultural history of Bugs Bunny and the tropes common to Looney Tunes; Bugs says “what’s up, doc?” while chewing on a carrot, it pans out to reveal he’s at the doctor, the doctor tells him he’s diabetic from eating too many carrots, everybody laughs. Instead the comic mangles the delivery of the joke on every level and is seemingly unaware of the real world facts that would’ve supported the punchline. The incompetence is staggering.
Luann: Oh Christ, this storyline is gonna drive some of you up the fucking wall, I can already tell.
Dirk Twacy Hollistic Defective: And so begins the 69 week arc remembering that time Sam Catchem made sweet sweet love to Sophia Pertrillo in his Roxx™ brand sex chair. Picture it….Tracyville,1969…..
Dirk Twacy Hollistic Defective: And so begins the 69 week arc remembering that time Sam Catchem made sweet sweet love to Sophia Pertrillo in his Roxx™ brand sex chair. Picture it….Tracyville,1969…..
Do the moon people have a VPN?
@TheDiva: I don’t even get how Dinkle Sr.’s dumbass life story is supposed to justify Harry’s behavior at all. Like, his dad was a drunken loser bitchass who pursued a failing career and than crashed his bus and died of a random heart attack and this lead to Harry… wanting to follow in his footsteps?
@The Quiet Man: Mostly well-said, but there is no way that Moy will portray Wilbur as being seriously at fault for anything. Mary won’t meddle him, she will just reassure him that he’s right and good about everything.
@Hibbleton: I’m not surprised, Barajas Gil Thorp is nearly impossible to follow as a coherent narrative. It tries to do that while “channel-hopping between subplots” style of storytelling that’s popular in television, but is the method done at it’s absolute worst; just spastically bouncing from snippet of plot to snippet of plot without indication of how they’re related to each other or how they’re supposed be progressing. When Gil got divorced, it was begun with a completely random strip of him eating dinner with Mimi that had nothing to do with what the prior day’s strip was doing nor any attempt at transition.
@Banana Jr. 6000: Re: Mary Worth: Hey remember the last big Tommy and Brandy story? Well good news, we doing the party-remix version of it here! I mean Tommy is “driving downtown”, which despite being gentrified by techbro assholes like Zak, still has part that are “rough” where ne’er-do-wells like Vin, The Friendly Neighborhood Crackhead (I’d call him “Vin, the Bestest Mary Worth Character Ever” but I don’t want to be accused of “editorializing”). Anyway Tommy will come across Vin shooting up meth near the “women’s shelter”, that hotbed of criminal activity and be offered a hit so that he also have that greasy emaciated blackened-tooth “glow”. Tommy will predictably refuse but not before Brandy (who, remember is a “poor” stuck living on Cracked Plaster Lane in the Downtown district with the likes of Vin) comes back from from her Family Trauma Bonding Thingamajig just in time to catch Tommy in a “compromising position.” She’ll promptly break up with him in a more unambiguous fashion, but the “twist” here is the day will be saved not by Tommy doing volunteer work as a intermediate school tattletale, but Dawn, the pillar of the community reassuring Brandy that Tommy Has Changed because he was kinda depressed in front of her once.
@Bob Tice: @Hibbleton: JP: Ronnie holds a skewed shrew on the end of her fork. “Gotcha!”
____________________
R.I.P. Silvestre “Shady” Shrew, 1967-2026 Services will be conducted by long time companion Max Mouse.
@brendancalling:
#47. LUANN: If Bern had a job, not only would she have less time to whine, nut she also gain confidence. Being a dependent, a sponge looks lovely to some, but it actually erodes agency and identity.
@Lauralot: That would be way more entertaining than whatever stupid bullshit Moy does to resolve this.
@Ken: I think part of the point of this storyline is that Tommy is just kind of a overreactive drama queen in general. His girlfriend left on a personal trip with no indication they were breaking up or that it’d take more than, like, a week in-story, and he immediately flew into manic-depressive episodes and acted like he’d been betrayed and abandoned. He’s now hearing some laughably pathetic, impotent and hypocritical mean words from Wilbur of all people and is apparently so traumatized from it he’s falling off the wagon.
No wonder the dude was an addict; he can’t handle any emotional event or situational change at all without crashing into suicidal grief and madness.
Luann: I guess they haven’t heard of people who simply play relaxing music online, solely to vibe to.
I can’t remember what that is specifically called.
Come on Nancy how could not recognize Bernice’s scorn voice? She uses it around your idiot daughter all the time.
@Anonymous: I think you might just be a little pop culturally unaware considering Jubilee is a pretty damned well-known member of the X-Men. Even outside the comics where she’s a major character, she was the viewpoint character of the smash-hit 90s show, carried over to it’s recent critically-acclaimed revival (the latter of which has gotten her a ton of press, especially in the second season that just began), and just yesterday was announced as the next character in Marvel Rivals which is a huge game. Yeah, she’s not the most famous X-Man ever (probably because the Fox movies never really used her), but she’s FAR from obscure and referencing her is actually pretty topical given the aforementioned new season of X-Men 97 and Rivals. Than again, I might just be letting biases get the better of me because Jubilee is my favorite X-Man.
As a humorously related anecdote, I’ve mentioned here before Bets in Luann weirds me out because she looks like a cartoon version of my wife. Well, guess what, Jubilee is also my wife’s favorite X-Man and she’s cosplayed as Jubilee multiple times before for conventions, just like Bets is doing here! Is the writer of Luann spying on me?!
@ectojazzmage:
Okay, I’m sorry for “actually-ing” you, but… Bets’ superhero costume IS Jubilee’s color scheme (and it seems to have a large X on it, to boot!), but I don’t think it’s meant to be Jubilee? I think she’s actually trying to match Gunther’s Thor costume (Jane Foster Thor? Lady Sif?)?
@Banana Jr. 6000: Re: Luann: Ooh, teacher, I can answer this one too!
Basically, septuagenarian Greg Evans wanted to go on some Boomer-esque “kids these days” rant about social media and “influencers” in particular. Then he realized that, wait-a-minute, he’s in charge of a comic strip, the perfect venue for old people with an ax to grind. I mean, sure there’s the big flaw that he nor his middle-aged daughter clearly don’t really understand how “influencers” or social media works (which was already apparent during their “Betts” storylines), but Greg is a veteran and knows that on the comics page a petulant spiel is never impeded by ignorance of the subject! Besides, tee-hee, he can always hide his lack of knowledge behind his misunderstanding of the “introvert” concept (“Greg: “That means ‘dull and obnoxious’ right? I hope so, because I just figured out the perfect conduit for my passive-aggressive griping session!”)
@ectojazzmage: I suspect Batiuk may be influenced by the recent trend of perspective-flip stories like Wicked and Maleficent, in which a cartoonishly villainous figure is given a sympathetic makeover via an origin story pitting them against the more banal evils of authoritarianism, bigotry, etc. The problem is Harry himself is the most banal evil of all–an egotistical bully delighting in abusing what little power he has–so there’s really no way to spin him into a credible victim.
Don Abundio, translated:
[Sign: NEWBORNS]
“Hey!”
“That one’s mine!”
“Ah!”
“Are you the daddy to one of these?”
“Sugar daddy!”
@TheDiva: Yeah, although the one with Cruella DeVille did gain a lot of ire, with viewers saying that one should NOT try to make someone who kills puppies, sympathetic.
@ectojazzmage: No, I mean, I know people are aware of her out of universe, in real life, I just don’t hear a lot of references to her specifically from other fictional characters not in the comics, when writers choose to bring up X-Men, as I said. Did (ugh) BBT make a reference to her? I don’t know.
Unless that isn’t actually her despite the appearance as the other Anon suggests.
MW: Would this be a sample from Wilbur’s advice column?
Dear Wendy,
I am addicted to drugs but would like to get clean. Is there any hope that I kick this destructive habit for good?
Help,
Golden Armed
Dear G.A.,
I’m sorry, but once an addict, always an addict. I suggest you go into a lucrative profession like pop music to support your habit. Follow the career paths of Michael Jackson, Prince, and Amy Winehouse. Make some art before you expire! Remember, the candle that burns at both ends needs a weird and messy candleholder!
Best of luck!
Wendy
@treetown: Rex Morgan: These girls have a lot to learn from their uncle about grifting – being seen in their grift gear when not active, hanging around near the scene of the crime, talking about the scam in public.
In a surprise twist, their uncle is not Rene Belluso, but Snidely Whiplash. They are practicing their sneering monologues, and if they weren’t in public they’d have on their fake mustaches so they could twirl them.
@The Quiet Man: In the hands of a competent writer, such a character might be interesting; given the quality of Hollywood writers these days, said character would be handled so badly as to be absolutely insufferable.
@TheDiva: C’shaft: The cultural landscape is filled with tragic villains–Frankenstein’s Creature, Heathcliff, Sweeney Todd
….
Oh, that Heathcliff. Not the cat.
@ectojazzmage: Neddy is the kind of “writer” who just takes stuff that happened to people she knows, changes the names
Ooh, are we getting a Rex Morgan / Judge Parker crossover with Neddy and Augie in the same creative writing class?
Luann – “Everyone enjoys taking a really good shit. You may be onto something.’
LUANN- Someone as tech savvy as Bernice should be able to take a selfie while sitting in a rowboat, then photo shop it into a toilet tank. The resulting image could then be posted as “Tidy-Bowl Bernice.”
“People do crave peace and order. Maybe you are onto something”.
“You think my social media account could be successful?”
“No, I thought you could have success as a fascist dictator. But these days you’d still need social media for that”
Still a better representation of Bugs Bunny than Space Jam and its sequel
@Ken: You know, the cat who loves lasagna, hates Mondays, and was killed by Charlie Guiteau.
(As a side note, I guess I’ve been making Garfield Cat/President Garfield jokes long enough that I can spell ‘Guiteau’ on the first try. Time to reconsider my life.)
Mother Goose and Grimm: This joke would have worked better if they instead used that Bugs Bunny meme where he was super fat (Taken from a scene from one of his much older cartoons)
@The Quiet Man: There was that show “Shirley Holmes” about Sherlock Holmes’ modern day descendant who takes up his mantle.
Crankshaft: (Zoom out to the Montoni’s booth.)
Batton Thomas: And that’s how I created Harry Dinkle, the world’s greatest band director, and steadily made him duller and more miserable through the decades. Just like I do with all my characters. (Leans in to Skip for a stage whisper) Including us.
FC – “You’ll stay grounded until lightning hits you. After that… It won’t matter.”
@ectojazzmage:
#67 JP: Neddy has written about April and her troubles (tho that did get April out of prison), now Ann and her troubles. Quick, Alan, summon any remaining legal knowledge you have and get a Cease and Desist order before Neddy goes after even young Charlotte. Oh, wait, who else could babysit free of charge?
@Anonymous:
#78. Thanks for the he Jubilee discussion. I’d never heard of her so looked on Marvel’s fan site. A new favorite for me– she’s smart, sympathetic, strong, and kind of cute
JP: If this meeting is about who has shinier hair…. Frankly it’s a tough call.
Seemingly by accident Luann has stumbled upon a real type of cozy influencer and recreated it so accurately that there’s not really a joke here. The only thing missing is vague undercurrent that a certain segment of her audience is actually following for reasons of being horny. It’s Luann though, so give it time.
@BananaSam: Yeah, there are lots of successful influencers who talk quietly and tidy things.
While not wearing pants.
Crank: Have I applied the “I know writers who use subtext and they’re all cowards” line to Batty before? I must have, right? Well, I’m doing it again, because sheesh.
DT: “The hacker is playing on a North American server, and I still haven’t got round to checking what a VPN actually does. But more importantly, we had evidence they were in North America before all this wildly inaccurate tech stuff, and that’s still valid. So I guess we could have skipped all the wildly inaccurate tech stuff and just moved on?”
FC: Somehow, I genuinely read this as “How long til I’m underground?” Wishful thinking, I guess.
FG: A little know proviso in Toa’s Law says that if either of them had blinked before Prince Brian started the trial, that would have been an automatic loss.
Luann: I only read this when it’s featured here, but I feel like I’ve picked up enough from that, and the comments I’ve seen here, to place Mama DeGroot saying “But, Bernice, you have so many finely delineated tones to indicate that you hate other people for not recognising you’re better than them” in the category of “comic strips that briefly seem to be self-aware about why we hate the characters, but actually aren’t”. (Crankshaft and Mary Worth dip into this all the time. Judge Parker may actually live there these days.)
MW: “Maybe I am a drug addict! I mean, it would explain why I kept taking drugs and needed to enter a recovery program to stop! Which I did, so my next step, as a character who’s developed, is that if, for some reason, I’ve started caring what Wilbur freakin’ Weston thinks, I should probably talk to them about it!”
Phantom: Nothing gets across the effect of a drone exploding in the middle of a village like devoting half a strip to silent panels of the villagers vaguely wondering what the noise was.
Pluggers: Monday: Pluggers love beachcombing! Today: Pluggers are in too much pain to beachcomb unless something really exceptional catches their eye.
@brendancalling: I absolutely hate that I remember this, but ISTR Josh once shared a strip where Luann’s boyfriend whose name I refuse to check raised this point, and Bernice said she paid her rent by doing The Fuze’s books. Which somehow manages to feel like “mooching off Luann’s parents because she can’t get a real job” and “wait, isn’t there a word for people who do unpaid work and in return are allowed to stay in their employer’s house?” at the same time! Everyone is awful at once!
@Horace Broon: I would be immensely impressed if we next see Tommy talking to his sponsor, who explains (in suitable 12-step language) why Wilbur is an uninformed idiot whose opinions should be ignored. But I’m not holding my breath.
@Voshkod:
Sounds like SOMEBODY doesn’t have lifetime passes to the James Garfield Memorial! Disgraceful!
@Horace Broon: Yeah, and as I recall, the Fuze is such a going concern that Bernice was able to fit doing its book into her morning routine without missing a beat, fitting into the general impression that Luann is the adult world as envisaged by eight year olds.
@Anonymous: @Anonymous: Oh, I get you, my bad.
And holy shit, I think you might be right about it being Sif, not Jubilee. Which is much weirder because Sif IS relatively obscure, but does explain why Bets’ “Jubilee” costume looks barely anything like what the character has worn beyond her color scheme and the X-Logo. Did the writer somehow get the two characters mixed up despite them being worlds apart from each other in every way?
LUANN: Wow, the Evans’ have become so desperate for laughs, they resorted to toilet humor.
@TheDiva: I’m more afraid he just saw Pulp Fiction for the first time.
Mother Goose and Grimm:
— “What’s opera, doc?”
— “Um, opera is an immersive theatrical art form in which a compelling dramatic narrative is conveyed through lush symphonic music and classically trained singing voices. Is that all? Be sure sure the nurse copies your insurance card before you go.”
@Ukulele Ike: Also: Wall Drug
Pluggers learned to never bend over and pick it up from their prison days.
@Voshkod: A recently-turned-dead friend, who did his thesis on Garfield (not the cat), got the noose that hanged Geiurteau (unlike you, I still can’t spell Goo-toe). Allegedly. He claimed there is DNA on it that matches the DNA taken from Guewtoe’s brain.
On that topic, have you read Sarah Vowell’s Assassination Vaction? Charlie was an incel who had lived in a free-love commune in New York and still couldn’t get laid.
Between Friends – Susan borrowed Mary Worth’s Big Book O’ Platitudes. I hope she’s finished with it, because Mary is going to need it back in 3 … 2 … 1.
6Chix – If anyone thinks this hen has it bad, take a look at Looks Good On Paper. Stock up on brain bleach first.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: A few months ago we watched the series Death By Lightning, and it briefly coveted Guiteau’s time at the commune. It spent a lot of time on his scheming to get a job from Garfield. The actor who played Guiteau was very good – he really conveyed how mentally ill he was.
@I speak Jive: Oops COVERED his time at the commune.
@ectojazzmage: LUANN: It’s not Sif, it’s Valkyrie. Her costume from Love & Thunder to be specific, just with too much color.
@Xander: LUANN: Luann is still friends with Bernice because Bernice uses emotional blackmail when Luann dares to do anything without her. Bernice has flat-out told Luann that she is expected to extend an invite to Bernice for anything she does. 11/23/2017 in case you want to check for yourself (though you’d need GoComics archive access.)
Sort-of-Thor and uh… I want to say “the costume Joel Schumacher would have given Robin if they’d let him?” look like they’re having a good time.
@Bryan: Having done some memory refreshing, I can confirm your summation. The drawing of the outfit is hilariously bad (as you say, the color palette is totally wrong), especially in today’s strip, so I’m not surprised we got this situation me and others on here mistakingly thinking it was supposed to be two entirely different characters. The Thor costume is almost equally botched but more recognizable because it looks more like Thor’s classic costume from the comics and keeps some of the more important colors (e.g., the red cape).
It also actually explains how this whole reference came about: they probably just googled “Thor movie”, copied the costumes from the poster of the most recent one and let the colorist make everything else up.
@Horace Broon: Batty is definitely the Garth Marenghi of comic strip writing.
Late Thread Cuisine: Wonderful example of toroidal food…or not?
@Baja Gaijin:
Well, it’s damn near my favorite soup, so why NOT do it as a nugget? With ketchup. Whatever, I’m in.
JP: Neddy is going straight to the “anyway” part so she must have already searched Ronnie to make sure she wasn’t wearing a wire.
Luann: No, Bernice, you do not spell “misanthrope” I-N-T-R-O-V-E-R-T.
C-Shaft: “Oh hey you know that bandleader who always keeps his eyes covered and makes his band go out and sell turkeys and mattresses door to door. Wouldn’t it be great to see his whole deal get deconstructed and have him realize it’s all a coping mechanism?” said nobody ever.
DT: “Oh no! I spilled a whole bottle of ink on this page where I was going to draw a map of North America! Ah, good enough.”
HtH: Hagar has always assumed that he’d die on the battlefield rather than being fattened up, killed, and eaten by a Celtic wizard and his acolytes.
MW: “But I don’t know for sure. There’s nothing for me to do but go try all the drugs.”
Phantom: From the hills of Minnesota where the rippling waters fall
No changes can be taken on the KRABASHHH Cannonball
RMMD: Now I really hope that Uncle Jimmy is Rene Russo so that we can see him run screaming out of the room when his nieces suggest that he return to Glenwood.
The black-haired woman in Luann (can’t be bothered to look up her name) looked very familiar, I couldn’t put my finger on it.
Then I realized, she kind of resembles one of the generic “friends” in The Lockhorns.
@Baja Gaijin: If ‘toroidal’ happens to mean “something you should throw in the trash,” then yes.
RIP Louise Lasser. She was 87.
MW: If a useless POS like Wilbur trash talked me I’d just have to paraphrase former veep Dan Quayle, I wear his scorn like a badge of honor.
@Guillermo el chiclero: She’ll be missed. She won an Oscar for maybe the biggest prestige movie of the 70s and never put on airs about it.
BTW, I saw her in an old Perry Mason a couple of months ago and it was only then that I realized how tall she was.
@The Rambling Otter: The black-haired woman is Nancy DeGroot, mother of the eponymous Luann and Bernice’s mentor/parent wannabe. I can imagine her hanging out with Leroy and Loretta for the blessed relief of time away from her own strip’s dull cast.
JP: Did someone think JP readers loved that April-TV-show storyline so much that we were hoping hard for a repeat? I hated it so much that I’d rather watch Alan drinking for a few months.
LUANN: Meanwhile, up in Camp Cumulonimbus , Luann has been crowned Dear Beloved Empress, and adoring campers are carrying her around in a spray-painted golden throne and collecting flower petals for her to scatter. Staffers at the camp bow low and vie to prepare her favorite dishes and wash her clothes. By next week she’ll be floating through the camp in a giant bubble while dressed in a huge gauzy frilly dress and waving a wand, like Glinda.
@Poteet: Don’t worry, I’m sure Ces and Manley have plenty emergency ration panels of Alan drinking.
@Poteet: Now I’m thinking of a Midsommar-esque ending where Phil gets sacrificed while Luann looks on without emotion.
@Baja Gaijin: Sounds like a Cornish pasty with the mushy peas on the inside. I’d give it a try.
@Ken:
#137. Low blow, Ken. Cornish pasties are great if properly made (like mine, sniff). These look like leftover mashed potato patties served with tomato sauce or fresh blood.
@A Grave Mind: Yeah, I had to choose and became a James Buchananite.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: I was familiar with the G-Man’s utter incompetence at free love, but I haven’t read that book. Added to library list.
@124 A Grave Mind: It’s not ketchup.
@128 taig: SNERK!
@137 Ken: Have you ever seen an actual Cornwall pasty in person? It is seriously not THAT. Even those things they call “pasties” in northern Michigan don’t look like that.
@138 Activist: What she said.
I guess the artist of Judge Parker saw the “Nice boobs” comments the other day, and said “Oooh, you’re going to get all horny over my strip?? I’m drawing everyone from the neck up! No boobs for you!!”
@The Rambling Otter: Also with the two drawn from the neck up, I was going to say “How do we know that they’re not naked right now?”
(Dashes back to the top of the page to check, one green strap is showing >_> )
@Artist formerly known as Ben: RMMD: Now I really hope that Uncle Jimmy is Rene Russo
Now THAT would be a plot twist! A second movie star in rapid succession in the same comic strip?
@Just John: In the role of a lifetime!