God forbid a woman has a hobby
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Judge Parker, 9/29/26
I haven’t really talked about it much because it’s been super boring, but April and Randy have been having marital problems of the icy silence variety since they got back to Cavelton, maybe because longtime partners sometimes grow apart over time, maybe because Randy had to stand there while April violently killed a guy who wasn’t immediately threatening them right in front of him, who can say. Anyway, due to [gestures vaguely] this whole thing, Charlotte isn’t living with April, and April as mentioned isn’t really spending much time interacting with Randy, and she doesn’t have a “job” as near as I can tell, so I do have to wonder a little bit about why she’s running late here. Maybe she ducked out in the morning just to horribly knife-murder somebody, just to feel something, and it took longer than she expected?
Blondie, 9/29/26
Faithful readers know that Blondie is the most pure uncut boomer mindset comic in the game right now, and I think the list in panel two, which lumps together “ways in which you hold kids in contempt because of their relationship to the phones or whatever” and “ways in which you think rules that kids did not create are proof that kids are wimps,” is a prime example. Also, has it ever been mentioned before that Alexander is on the school football team? I’m not an Athletics Knower necessarily but his physique makes me think that most of his organs are gonna get pulped the very first time he’s tackled, bubble wrap or no.
Mary Worth, 9/29/26
“Could it be … no! Mary would never want to go anywhere fun like Hawaii! Mary only ever wants to go to one restaurant here, in the town where she lives, and it isn’t any good!”
Mother Goose and Grimm, 9/29/26
Big news, everyone: Mother Goose, who has a boyfriend but is still chasing after men, is officially the first non-Archie polyamorous comic strip character! #herstory #representationmatters
144 replies to “God forbid a woman has a hobby”
Mary Worth:
What Toby is seeing in today’s second panel is very similar to what Dorothy saw in the crystal ball in that iconic scene from The Wizard of Oz.
RMMD:
“Why the choreographed coprophagous grins, Harwoods?”
“We’ve just returned from an audition for a ‘Gleem’ toothpaste commercial!”
Are you even supposed to get haircuts if your hair is feathers?
JP Forget Dorothy in Milford, can _Charlotte_ get emancipated from parents who are too dysfunctional to not only get her to school but also to spend 10 seconds talking _to_ (not past!) each other about their plans? Randy probably thinks he’s been dismissed so that April can kick some not-KGB butt rather than to go see their daughter in a low-stakes, short-time routine bit that (dude!) he could join in on and start reconnecting without “overwhelming” her.
MW At least Randy’s likely assumption about April would make sense from experience, but Ian taking Mary to a resort? Not unless it’s hosting Meddling Biddie Conference International, and it’s part of his scholarly research to report on it.
Judge Parker:
“Running late. It takes sooooo long to dissolve people in lye!”
That’s not football, Alexander. That’s someone’s innovative variant on the clingfilm fetish. You’ll be famous!
@Bob Tice: Isn’t that from Breaking Bad?
Blondie:
Has Alexander ever thought of embracing 2020s-style coiffure? Does he think that sporting the ‘do he has makes him a ladies’ man or something?
Blondie: Alexander wears bubble wrap to pad out his string bean of a body for the mascot suit. The only game day danger he’ll see is from heat exhaustion.
MG&G: I know that’s supposed to be a feather bun at the back of her head, but the stripes make it look like a fish tail, as if Mother Goose is a bizarre piscine creature that was unleashed from Count Weirdly’s lab on a mission to collect genetic samples.
Blondie : is old enough of a comic strip it probably has the exact same gag about bare-knuckle boxing switching to gloves.
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Dustin : it’s okay that the employment agency lady INTENTIONALLY does a bad job if it’s in the service of making fun of Dustin, got it.
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Frazz : See, the thing Caufield doesn’t get is that one holiday actually celebrates harvest time, while the other celebrates that time a bunch of puritans realised they had run out of time to grow food in LATE NOVEMBER, were gonna starve, and had to beg Squanto to save them.
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Mary Worth : how could the floating heads have betrayed Toby like this?
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Shoe : Ugh, can we not? I already had my dose of gross fat guy in beige pants buttshots from yesterday’s Dustin!
FG: Not so fast, Flash. Here at the Tropican resistance movement we follow Sir Basil Liddell Hart’s Indirect Approach as to warfare. Instead of a decisive hammer blow we wear our enemy down with annoying pinpricks. Tonight we TP Brazor’s Keep. Hawkgirl will come in handy to get the high places. Flash, your job will be to leave this bag of poo in front of Ming’s room, light it, bang on the door, and run like hell.
Wow, good for Mother Goose- I’m so glad she’s finally living her truth! Now if only we could learn the truth about her alleged motherhood, or whatever nightmare creature she actually is because last time I checked geese don’t have enormous angular brow crests or shark fins(?) coming out of their heads? At least now we know her posterior head triangle is actually hair, which geese also don’t have
Blondie Maybe its just because I’m not a traditional football fan, but I think that covering each player in a thick roll of bubble wrap before each game would only increase my enjoyment of it.
MW I am loving that image of Mary that Toby conjured up. Its like a tortoise poking its head out of its shell to find a delicious carrot.
MGG “Plus I have no choice since I started clipping my wings. We’re birds!”
@matt w: No that was acid. Don’t recall which acid specifically, but I do remember that one should use plastic barrels. . .
So Mother Goose is getting her…feathers cut? Is that a thing?
MW-It’s an educators conference.
Blondie — Ha, ha, kids today. So worried about avoiding concussions and CTE while they engage in simulated warfare!
@matt w: maybe Rose is doing a terrible job of clipping her wings?
@Bob Tice: Before or after the Wicked Witch hijacked the broadcast?
Blondie: I don’t think I’m too much of a nanny state, risk averse, helicopter parent but I do in fact think it’s fair to say that players should not be texting in the middle of a game, what the hell? How is this even a safety thing? No-one ever got CTE from a smartphone.
MW: Oh I see how it is. When Ian takes Mary to a tropical resort without his wife, that’s a surefire sign they’re having sex. But when Toby takes Mary to a tropical resort without her husband, it’s just an innocent gal-pal getaway (wink wink).
MW – as Toby is a long-established dimwit, I’m unsure why Moy felt the need to do as much build-up to this panel as she has.
Blondie: The current generation is soft for not wanting to die in their thirties from repeated brain trauma, I guess.
MW: Please let this be leading to a Sunday dream sequence, oh please oh please…
The World Cup which concluded this past summer famously (infamously?) added several breaks in the action not seen in previous World Cups for hydration and the conspicuous display of the Powerade bottles doing the hydrating. Assuming that hydration breaks are one of the new safety measures Alexander here is complaining about, Dagwood will take one look at whatever logo is on the bottle from his position in the bleachers and immediately become overtaken by the need to consume it
FG: This set up could only be more ominous if there was a big flashing sign reading “AMBUSH AHEAD”
RxMD: Zeno’s walk in the park continues with another single long panel that advances the story, whatever that’s supposed to be, not a whit and clearly could, and could, have been run with yesterday’s single long panel, but then Beatty would have been on the hook for another strip, and those strips don’t write themselves, and it’s not like Beatty’s going to, so here we are!
Phantom: “Ah, it seems like the villain’s megalomaniacal exposition is wrapping up. Back to the shadows for me!”
DT: I don’t know, have they? Maybe if we knew who the Hell you are, that might give us a clue.
Dustin: Dustin works for a shady employment agency willing to fake a record for him and imply he has specific trade skills, the lack of which will be at best disappointing for clients and at worst dangerous to himself and others, yet somehow we’re still supposed to see him as the problem in all this.
GT: This strip really can’t give Emily a single win, can it?
Luann: Luann’s clearly put as much thought into being an art teacher as she has into being an actress, a writer, a camp councilor, a Weenie World table-wiper…
Phantom: Oh come on, you’re not going to end this now? Muskmellon wasted a perfectly good villain rant!
Crazy to think we got a “Toby thinks Ian is cheating because she heard a rumor” plot before a “Ian thinks Toby is cheating because she is married to Ian and who could blame her” plot.
MG&G: Not an expert on bird sex in general, but my backyard viewing tells me that sparrows are some of the horniest life forms on Earth.
MW: Has anyone used “lei” in a salacious play on words? If not, consider it considered.
MW: If Ian and Mary are arranging a surprise vacation trip, Ian is absolutely terrible at the “surprise” part, leaving the travel reservations on his desk like that. Still, with any luck this will lead to further humorous misunderstandings as Toby stumbles across other preparations. “Oh! Ian has packed suitcases with some of my clothes! gasp! He and Mary are going to murder me and tell everyone I packed my things and left!”
JP: Now hear me out here, but what if Randy, who is just as aimless and unemployed as April, were to accompany April when she takes Charlotte to school—and also when she does other things with Charlotte—and also maybe get to know his daughter again and be, like, I dunno, a parent to her or something? Might that help with their various marital and familial problems, maybe?
MW: I’d like to think that panels 1 and 2 are unrelated, and Toby is just horrified because she remembered that Mary exists.
Oh, that’s how Mother Goose sculpts her hairbun into a weird fishtail!
Hair? Feathers? Anyway, a lady named Rose makes the back of her head look like a shark! Good to know!
alexander’s knees being about six inches above his ankles probably isn’t great for his athletic prospects either
Six Chix-Hello darkness my old friend.
MW – a vision of She Who Must Not Be Named.
Blondie: “Ridiculously thick padding, by which I mean our entire team has to wear diapers. The coach is kind of a perv”
I’m no doctor but CTE might explain a few things about Dagwood.
***
I guess Ian could have Prince Charles Syndrome. That’s where someone has an attractive and charming younger spouse but throws it all away for a frump with half the personality.
Blondie:
Chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE) has been detected even in high school football players, and “double thick” helmets can’t truly prevent it, because it doesn’t stop your brain from rattling around in your skull after an impact. The problem isn’t just the big hits, but the constant sub-concussive blows. Long story short, within a few years Alexander wil have serious brain damage, although considering how similar he is to his father it probably won’t be all that noticeable.
MW: Toby’s first clue that her suspicions are unfounded should be that those are plane tickets and Mary is drawn from from an era where she can only take steamers.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Basil Liddel Hart – truly a name out of the past. Next we’ll here for JFC Fuller!
“Wow, what a hit. Listen to that bubble wrap pop!”
“And it looks like the quarterback may be hurt. Do you think they’ll send him to concussion protocol?”
“Nope. That popping sound was just bubble wrap.”
“But his head is lolling forty-five degrees to one side! I think that pop might have been his neck breaking.”
“Impossible! Just the bubble wrap! And remember, today’s game is brought to you by your local UPS Store, the location for all your bubble wrap needs.”
@Ken:
This is an entry for “It is not that type of strip.” A The Postman Rings Twice or Double Indemnity sort of twist.
This thought bubble is a fake out. She is thinking that Mary’s plan is going along as they had hoped. Ian’s not coming back from this trip – in fact he never actually goes. The two of them bump Ian off. Mary disguises herself as Ian and they fake a tragic swimming accident (riptide carried him away). Meanwhile his body is moldering in the vegetable gardens.
Toby realized that Ian was a huge drag after the parrot incident, and Mary (like Alma) has always thirsted after Toby.
@TheDiva: On DT: This is ‘Blowtop’ Jones, brother of Flattop and apparently the only ‘Blank-top’ family member that has managed not to get shot or otherwise ironically killed by Dick Tracy or the MCU despite (among other crimes) actually succeeding in blowing up Dick Tracy’s new house.
Just another case of Eric Costello jerking off the corpse of Chester Gould instead of letting the past work stand on its own and coming up with original characters and coherent stories.
Um…. I read this about Marvin on TvTropes (was bored)
“However, during July 2003, there were a series of strips where he finally learned how to walk, ending with a Sunday Strip where his first birthday was celebrated. Since then, he’s aged one year for every three years real-time.”
So…. is Marvin still a baby or not?
I mean, he goes to school, has homework, talks to his parents…
@Tabby Lavalamp: At least Prince Charles syndrome isn’t quite as horrible as Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor syndrome, although given Epstein’s ties to academia, who knows if Ian ever tried to attract his attention to put himself on the same level as some of the guys at Harvard
MT: HA! Just like the old Jay Ward cartoon—,
— I mean YOU SUCK JULES! Mark Trail was better with the Elrodball!
GT: Meanwhile, another football game played under so few lights that the STARS are visible on the sky. An umpteenth example that the writer and artist have never actually been to a night time American HS football game played under lights or even seen a reference photo. It needs a set of stands, some vague outline of a crowd and few supports leading to a few flood lights to show it is a night game.
Phantom: Wait, isn’t the phantom planning on recapturing Python and taking him back into custody because … well, you know, his many heinous crimes?
RMMD: “Fortunately these two couples are unaware of the dangers that passed them by”
JP: April has a job? She just got back from running amok in Russia destroying a gulag prison and so forth. She is now a manager in the local Fed Ex?
DT: If I didn’t know it was Blowtop, I would say with his “WHOO! GOSH!”, he has massive intestinal gas that he doesn’t know if it’s solid or not.
Mary Worth
*as Toby thinks to herself…
O! M! G!, Toby Cameron!
Call Dr. Jeff!
CALL Dr. Jeff!!
CALL DR. JEFF!!!
RMMD: “Welcome to Glenwood!? I’ve been all over the news here for the last six months. Where the hell have you been? In a coma?”
Blondie: “Next they’ll be covering you in bubble wrap.” “No, that’s not happening next, it’s happening next year. Very different.”
Chix: “As a black woman I can only be seen when I put on an outrageous persona.”
Well played.
MW: confirmation bias. But isn’t there a better term?
CS: Doesn’t Ed sing in choir? Put all but one gallon back in car to treat friends at St Spires.
@Liam:
#35. 6Cx: I like Hibbleton at #53 better
Crabgrass: Wait, when did Tomie join this strip?
H&L: “Irma has my paycheck deposited directly into her account. In fact, the house and the car are also in her name. Frankly, the only reason she lets me hang around here is to be near my kids (Dot and Ditto).”
MW: In our eagerness to snark at where we all know this is going, we have lost sight of the fact that the young trophy(?) wife being worried that her older husband is getting it on with a woman his age is actually pretty innovative for a legacy strip.
.@Anonymous:
If you’re going to correct people, get it right. Thanksgiving commemorates the time when, after losing half their number over the previous winter to starvation and disease (thanks to arriving in New England in late November due to transit issues), a group of Separatists managed to actually get a good harvest in thanks to advice from Squanto and aid from the local Indian tribe who saw them as potential allies against other tribes.
I heard Mary likes Cleveland Steamers.
Blondie – This trope is even lamer than Kenny Banya’s “Why do they call it Ovaltine?” routine.
@matt w: Maybe Helen Mirren in “Red”?
“April violently killed a guy…” Is there non-violent killing?
MW- the sad part of this whole story that would have taken 22 minutes of an episode of Fresh Prince, is that it’s just being done so that there’s some time before Moy can start another Wilbur storyline.
JP – It’s too late for the grownups, but maybe that school can teach Charlotte some words of greeting besides “Hey.”
MG&G – “Only if they’re downhill” doesn’t narrow the field any, because it’s all downhill from here.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Care to meet me for a game of golf tomorrow, boss?”
“I don’t usually golf with my employees”
“The guys in the office said you’d do it if I bring along a woman who’s a real swinger”
“In that case, I’ll be there”
“Nice swing, Grandma!”
@Maltmash3r: I’m glad to see I’m not the only one who flinched when the rumor chain got to Wilbur. Mind you, another Toby and Ian story isn’t much better. Sadly, Moy is squandering this opportunity to bring in some new regulars. I think we’ll not be seeing Alma again, and will only see Nelly for her comeuppance scene where we all Learn an Important Lesson about gossip and rumors.
Blondie: Alex plays varsity football in the most academic sense.
As a then-thin teen I recognize someone with a punter’s build from miles away.
Wizard of Id hasn’t done every desert isle gag yet. Where’s the line down the middle marking each castaway’s side of the island, preferably in masking tape?
Pluggers get their autumn exercise by hunting. They’re their own pointer and retriever.
Beetle Bailey: Plato is the only person in this universe who should realize how limiting the scope of “As smart as anyone else (in Camp Swampy)” is.
DtM: “No, George is more of a tear-down“.
@Gil Bates: #10:
“make it look like a fishtail”
It’s always looked like a tumor to me.
FC: OMG, a closeup of Jeffy’s face rocking his one nostril! Brain bleach, please!
Rex Morgan – Question: It’s been months, so are people still mobbing the motel cafe to meet MaeMae? Or, more likely, have they moved on to something else?
JP – I think it might be better to have a screaming, argumentative spouse instead of one who is quietly plotting your murder.
6Chix – This pumpkin obsession will run at least through December, by which time the pumpkin will be rotten.
@Bob Tice: Bring on the flying monkeys!
@Tom: #59: Diseases brought by European fisherman and whalers, who had already been fishing the waters off New England probably before even Columbus’ voyages, wiped out nearly 90% of Squanto’s people, leaving them vulnerable to be conquered by tribes further inland. When the English Seperatists first arrived they were surprised to find whole villages completely abandoned. Squanto’s boss, Massasoit, decided these newcomers with their gunpowder would make valuable allies.
JP: Neddy is such a pro, she knows how to steal focus when she’s standing in the background. “Yeah, that’s right, kid. Talk to your mother. When I stand like this and make this face, no one’s gonna notice.”
Blondie: The most unrealistic aspect of this is that a parent asks his teenage son a question and doesn’t get “fine,” “I don’t know,” or “okay, I guess” as an answer. Nope, Alexander has a detailed, informative answer compete with a numbered list. I don’t buy it.
MW: You know what? This strip has broken me. I hope Mary is having an affair with Ian. Admit it, wouldn’t that be the most fun and interesting story this strip has had in years? Certainly, it’s more fun than the news slowly getting back to Mary, then Mary slowly figuring out who started it, then Ian or Mary (or both of them) slowly confronting Nelly, then Nelly slowly learning the error of her ways, then Mary slowly reflecting on the harm that gossip can bring.
MG&G: It never occurred to me how skinny Mother Goose’s neck is. I guess I thought about it because there’s a woman with a truly GIANT pair of scissors standing mere inches away.
Six Chix – Of course it’s well played. That pumpkin was a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy.
MG&G – “So you chase after men, but do you ever catch them?”
“Of course, Rose. But only if they’re upwind. So they don’t smell me a’comin’!”
@But What Do I Know?: Oh, gosh. Confusing acid and alkaline around a homicidal chemistry teacher is not wise.
Now I’m thinking way too much about the MG&G hair/feathers situation, with the hairdresser having separate non-feather hair and Mother Goose not. And Mother Goose’s back topknot and over-eye protuberances and extended mouth slit. I don’t feel too good.
I recently attended my son’s friend’s football game and I have some good/bad news: Most football players stand around on the sidelines where the only danger is they might get a hoarse voice from yelling.
Blondie: “How’s football going?” “Not great, Dad. All the girls have been watching shows like ‘Heated Rivalry’ and ‘Off Campus,’ and now they only want to date hockey players! Especially gay ones, for some reason.”
Mary Worth: Of course, if this were a sitcom, it would turn out that Ian is secretly plotting to take his own wife on a surprise luxury couple’s vacation to Hawaii, and Mary’s been helping him plan it. In real (well, comic-strip-real) life, though, why would he ask Mary for travel help? She really does spend nearly all of her time in one location with the same few people, and seems to have zero understanding or curiosity about other places and cultures. The only thing I can think of is that Spam is still a major ingredient in some Hawaiian cuisine — and if anyone knows about the best preparations for pinkish-gray rectangles of canned meat, it would be Mary Worth!
Mary can let loose every now and then, especially when goaded on by others. Let’s remember her ill-fated balloon trip which ended up in the tree tops of a nearby forest.
Blondie – Blondie has never been a sports heavy strip, other than an occasional vague reference to show Dagwood and Herb are heteronormative male friends, and a generic “Big Game” mention to set up Dagwood’s love of Super Bowl food.
But if high school competitive eating is widely adopted by state athletic associations, we can expect Blondie to outdo Gil Thorp in its coverage of youth sports.
Mary Worth – Worse news, Toby – it’s a boy’s trip with Wilbur.
Mother Goose and Grimm – “The Brothers Grimm shared more than a love of fairytales, if you catch my drift.”
Blondie. The helicopter parent mindset was invented by the boomers. This raises the horrible possibility that, thanks to comic book time, Dagwood has moved on to being squarely a member Generation X. In a few short decades he’ll probably be a millennial.
BLONDIE: In related news, the Pro Bowl has been abolished. Hallelujah!
MW: Are we gonna see Toby, Ian and Mary on Jerry Springer? Place your bets on which one throws the first chair…
DtM: I actually feel sorry for Mr. Wilson here. Most of Dennis’ snarky remarks leave him fuming like the old grouch he is. But look at those tears. Here we have a zinger that legitimately hurt.
H&L: Right, Thirsty. Irma makes all the sandwiches…and does all the housework…and yard work…You just do all the drinking.
S4th: Sounds like CIApril from JP is in town.
ZITS: Doggone it, colorist, the Charlie Brown bowl is supposed to be YELLOW. Check Sunday’s installment. Or check and Peanuts comic.
LUANN: Panel #3: That’s what I’ve been saying! Mrs. Horner is not “wise just “old” and that such a person can say any kind of nonsense in a “grandmotherly” voice and naive nitwits will believe it’s pearls of wisdom (the “ethnic” version of this is fortune cookies, btw.) It’s how Mary Worth gets away with her bullshit.
LUANN (2): Panel #2: It’s not “smart” (or “inspiring) if you’re putting it in the form of a question, Mrs. Horner. It actually would be a terrible answer to a job interview question to sound like you’re unprepared and pulling stock cliches up from your butt.
(Incidentally, this is particularly egregious because Luann has been *wildly* overconfident about this “new path” for weeks now, but because the plot needs some daffy old woman to blow smoke up her @$$, she suddenly can’t answer a question she *already* answered during her “eureka” moment? uh huh.)
Judge Parker: I kinda figured that last storyline was setting up for CIApril to no longer be a part of her daughter’s life for the latter’s safety? I don’t know why she’s suddenly back to trying to be a mom while also disappearing randomly to do her vague spy shit that I still don’t comprehend at all. Judge Parker moves in mysterious ways I suppose.
Blondie: I don’t think there’s much that’s more pathetic than old people who act all pissy or condescending about the fact that others aren’t suffering horribly like they (sometimes only ostensibly) did in their youth and the culture around football is a prime example of it. Like, yeah, how fucking DARE those kids not let themselves receive brain damage and crippling injuries for the entertainment of adults and the right to be financially exploited by the corpos who run the sport. They should be running in the field basically naked crashing into one another in cruel, violent manners to learn character! Bunch of candy-asses.
Mary Worth: Toby’s reaction is actually pretty subdued. If I found out I was getting cucked by Mary Worth, I’d end up on the news.
Mother Goose: Does it really qualify as “chasing men” if all you do is go on a single date with them long enough to make a bad pun and then go home alone?
MG&G – “So what kind of a cut do you want today?”
“Let’s try it feathered.”
@treetown: This is an entry for “It is not that type of strip.” A The Postman Rings Twice or Double Indemnity sort of twist.
Let’s make it a “Diabolique” twist. The two of them murder Ian and sink his body in the ocean. But when the cops come, they can’t find him. Soon they start getting hints that he’s not quite as dead as they thought he was! His suit comes back from the cleaners! But I can’t tell you how it comes out, you’ll have to see the movie…
@Rover Berkeley: I think they’d probably end up on Steve Wilkos instead. Would probably be the only time in that show’s history where the host ends up telling everyone to get the hell off the stage.
@Chris+Rywalt: Dagwood screams in rage at your comment. He wanted to see children dying!
@Joe Blevins: No, you’re completely right. Everything about this plotline is boring, clichéd and rote. It would be a much-needed jolt to the series’ system if it actually did reveal a dark side to it’s protagonist and upheave her relationships with her supporting cast, but we know that’ll never happen. Both because the comic would never let Mary get egg in her face like that and because the comic has no desire to disrupt its status quo despite being a serialized soap.
@I speak Jive: This is Rex Morgan, where anyone even slightly adjacent to roots country is treated like a messiah. Mae Mae’s proximity to Mud and the fact that she acts exactly like the roots country singers in this comic instead of an actor means that people will be worshipping the ground she walks on for all eternity.
@Maltmash3r: *cries after realizing I could be spending time watching Fresh Prince (or its acclaimed recut, Fesh Pince) instead of reading Mary Worth*
@Tom: If Toby is a trophy wife, then Ian must’ve come in last place.
@The Rambling Otter: Something tells me that TVTropes article is probably out of date.
@treetown: “This thought bubble is a fakeout” is funny as hell because it implies Toby is THINKING lies and acting out a shocked discovery in private with nobody around to witness it, just in case any psychics are reading her mind at the moment. Reminds me of how the game Heavy Rain infamously conceals its big plot twist by having one character’s inner monologue sound as if they’re a normal person when they’re actually the killer, to the extent that they – while totally alone – act as if they don’t know who killed a person they themselves just murdered seconds ago.
@ectojazzmage: …having one character’s inner monologue sound as if they’re a normal person when they’re actually the killer, to the extent that they – while totally alone – act as if they don’t know who killed a person they themselves just murdered seconds ago.
Echoing Agatha Christie’s infamous “The Murder of Roger Ackroyd.”
@White Rabbit: Bath time!
@ectojazzmage: Glenwood can keep its hero worship; Mae Mae will settle for a 15% tip and a foot rub.
FG: “Caves….why did it have to be caves?” Adrane mutters to herself.
Phantom: ”No more crying, groaning, writhing….I wonder where I can get ME some of that stuff?”
Mother Goose has no hair, so the haired avian freak is using the giant pair of scissors to threaten her and make her speak. Always defiant, Mother Goose drops a joke about what a bad bitch she is, knowing it will lead to her death by scissors. Badass death to a mediocre life!
I thought that Estelle was the most pathetic when she fantasised about having children with Wilbur, but Toby imagining being cucked by Mary is no mean feat!
American Football is on a secular decline because middle class families are withdrawing their children from the sport to prevent them from getting CTE — it is still fine watching the sport when it is played by poor people and minorities. Why is Dagwood not aware of CTE? Maybe he played too much football — that would explain a lot
Through years of reading the Comics Curmudgeon, I have learned, entirely against my will, information about the cast of even terrible strips like “Rex Morgan MD” or “Crankshaft”. “Judge Parker” is the exception: my brain absolutely refuses to learn a single thing, all these characters are interchangeable to me. I will keep watching the changing pictures and pastel colours as if I were a toddler watching YouTube, thank you very much!
Mother Goose is a goose, not a homo sapiens, so maybe “chasing men” is less being a slut and more “the most dangerous game”
I mean the big news from this Mother Goose and Grimm strip is that she’s getting her feathers cut off. Why?
@Ettorre: Hey, if Manley meant for you to be able to tell the female characters in JP apart, he would have given them different hairstyles.
That’s the Maui Luxury House Resort New Jersey (behind the bowling alley, knock on upstairs door and ask for Dave). The organiser of Ian’s latest conference made some assumptions too.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Yes, and half the reason Squanto was still alive was because he’d been captured by slave traders before the Patuxets caught whatever disease killed them. He then was eventually freed by some Franciscan friars and made his way back to Massachusetts, where, as you mentioned, he found his whole tribe dead.
Then he died in late 1622 from disease caught while assisting Plymouth with a trading voyage.
@ectojazzmage: Re Rex Morgan and roots country – Shouldn’t Truck Tyler be releasing a new record (I can’t wait)? That could take some attention away from MaeMae’s waitressin’. Of course, there’s enough love for roots country bullshit to spread around to both of them.
@Ettorre: Re JP – On the positive side, knowing who the characters are makes them easier to loathe.
Crank: No pizza robot, and also no Batton Thomas, Harry Dinkle, dumb malapropisms, or crushing despair. This “Sorry, we’ll be back up soon” message may be the best Crankshaft strip I’ve read in a while!
DT: “Do any members of that family have to live knowing their relatives died gruesomely during a confrontation with… wait, never mind, I’ve just realised what the most likely answer is. Whoo! Gosh!”
JP: We saw why April’s running late; Randy wanted to (ugh) talk to her, and she had to spend precious seconds explaining that wasn’t happening.
OTF: Well, of course stats that seem to reflect the opinions of all Fastrack staff actually reflect the degree to which Dethany holds those opinions! Anything else would be like saying non-Dethany people matter or something!
Phantom: Oh, okay, I guess Stripey is letting Python go so he’ll lead him to the rest of the Legion of Dumb. But honestly, even based on the information he currently has, he should realise that “mastermind” is stretching it.
SH: Look, I’m not saying “There’ll be less risk of a ship hitting an iceberg” is a sensible argument in favour of climate change. I’m just saying “and then nobody will be able to monetise that risk” is a stupid argument against it, even if the people monetising the risk are main characters.
(Boy, Holbrook really is going all-in on the protagonists being the centre of the universe today, isn’t he? It must be a day with a “y” in it!)
BeatUp Bailey: “Zero, if you let them install A.I. in your noggin, you can be as smart as anyone else here!” “But,Plato, I LIKE being the animal loving killing machine everyone underestimates!”
@Little Guy: I feel like that would actually explain a lot about Blowtop.
@matt w: Are you even supposed to get haircuts if your hair is feathers?
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Feathered haircuts were big in the 70’s.
@Horace Broon: re SH — when I was on my high-school’s debate team, a common defense was that implementing so-n-so would cause nuclear warfare. At one local tournament, my debate partner got bored and decided to not refute the assertion, but to actually defend it — citing past history and several possible benefits. IIRC, we actually won that tournament.
The Familliar Mucus: “Mommy! My breakfast is moaning at me again!”
Six Lazy Chex And A Cat Named Garfield In Search Of A Punchline: Depressed Chick discovers making the whole background black helps hide the fact she’s using clip art from last years “Why Cant Halloween Be In July?” comic. Well played,indeed!
You’re a Plugger if you wear camouflage but still get shot by another Plugger who has a varmint licence.
@Rube: Dick Cheney is a Plugger? The sociological, religious, and political consequences of such would blow my mind…
Blondie, The Neighborhood Bumstead: “Our new coach, Coach Bob, is really excited about wrapping us in plastic, Mr B!” “Stop talking backwards,Elmo,you’re creeping me out!,and tell that Blondie bimbo to make with the cherry pie and damn fine coffee!”
We will return to tonight’s production of “David Lynch’s Blondie,The Neighborhood Bumstead”
after these words from our Sponser… LOGLADY™ brand future telling logs When you need your future told, use LOGLADY™ brand logs.
Phantom: So Stripey is going to lurk in the shadows until Chatu comes to, then pounce on him for the beatdown while he’s still groggy and disoriented. Presenting our hero, boys and girls.
Blondie: I mean “No texting in the huddle” seems like common sense to me just because you never know when there might be a mole on the team and you don’t want to opposing coach to get all your upcoming moves. It’s not a safety thing per se.
JP: Randy waited until the morning to say anything to April so that they wouldn’t go to bed angry. Or more likely, so each could live in blessed denial that the other was angry for a few extra hours.
MW: Oh, that’s just silly. Mary never leaves Southern California unless it’s for a baking contest or to rescue Dr. Jeff from a life of medical philanthropy.
Pluggers: So pluggers are survivalist preppers?
@I speak Jive: 103 RMMD Truck’s workin’ on one right now…It’s gonna be titled “Mae Mae Muu Muu get off of my cloud.”
Low And Hi-Less: “I’m Blondie, Hi! Irma has turned me into the Blondie in this relationship! She’s out there, making whacky Sandwhiches with my money and for all I know, having sex with them afterwards! Damn it! I should have stolen Foofram™ robotics one piece at a time and built my own wife and family like you did, Hi!”
“Its never too late, Thursty, with modern technology you can build Irma to drink and appreciate PBR™”
“But, she’ll drink my entire stash!”
” Asimov’s first rule of robotic marriage…you share the stash.”
JUDGE PARKER:
Geez, Josh! It takes time to find an appropriate hideout when you’re planning on kidnapping your child! Oops, I probably shouldn’t have said that. Now April’s gonna have to make an extra stop to extrajudicially slit my throat. I hope your happy, Josh!
C-Shaft: Would be better if Andy Capp were around to yell at Crankshaft for not picking up any hard cider, but maybe I should just be grateful for the absence of the unfunny murderbots.
DT: You mean have any of them gone through an industrial laundry folder face first? Well, it’s Neo-Chicago, so there’s a pretty good chance.
Dustin: Well, this one doesn’t have a shirtless Dustdad struggling into jeans, at least.
FC: Being an innocent lamb of…what? Four or thereabouts? Anyway, Jeffy has no concept of where baby donuts come from and how crullers are involved, and for that we can all be grateful.
GT: Emily and her Valley Tech assistant coach have come up with a new strategy called “scoring touchdowns” and wait until word of this baby gets out. It’s going to change the whole game!
Luann: And that’s how Luann almost learned that tea comes out better when you use hot water.
Phantom: “The Phantom has no respect for extraordinary men, Python. In his head he probably thinks of us as ‘peevish.’ Why I oughta…”
@Guillermo el chiclero: Pluggers: So pluggers are survivalist preppers?
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“I’m a prepper,you’re a prepper,she’s a prepper, wouldn’t you like to be a prepper too?”- David Naughton, who is still alive, adapted.
©2026 Schweppes/Dr Prepper Inc. All rights reservered, the lefts are up for grabs.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Probably not very good at it, though.
@Guillermo el chiclero: @Artist formerly known as Ben: Instead of purified water, hardtack, rice and dried legumes, Pluggers stockpile Oreos.
I had to spend more time than usual figuring out the joke in today’s Blondie, mostly because the last panel is too verbose (it should just read “That’s next year!”). It’s still not very funny.
@Ukulele Ike: #123: And cans of Pringles.
I just realized, that I’m grateful that Josh stopped riffing on Gasoline Alley.
Slim was bad enough, but we don’t need evil reality warping demonic dolls on top of all of the AI references/jokes.
JP: For as long as she’s been in this arc, Charlotte has been acting super creepily mature.
Now she’s all “Hi Mommy!”?
Is she gaslighting someone by acting mature in front of them, but acting like a kiddy-kid in front of her mother?
Charlotte: I played with my dollies today Mommy
April: Awwww, how sweet!
Sophie: She’s not usually like that! She talks like an adult… she acts mature when you aren’t around!
(Soon Sophie is being carried away to the loony bin while Charlotte looks on with a sadistic smile)
@Ukulele Ike: And Twinkies.
@Guillermo el chiclero: @The Rambling Otter: Heck, canned vegetables are canned vegetables. And Hostess pastries, well, they stay fresh till Doomsday.
Pluggers: Now that I’ve given it some thought today’s Pluggers looks like it was stolen from one of Jeff Foxworthy’s “You know your a redneck if…” routines.
@Guillermo el chiclero: I kinda wonder if the person who submitted it actually was thinking about having done service in the Regular military and it got out of control.
@White Rabbit:
Yes! I had forgotten about that movie that works even better! Because Mary can be the older French woman and Toby is the young wife – fits wonderfully! Bravo!
@123 Ukulele Ike: Pluggers also stockpile this.
TIL : a lot about American Thanksgiving, and how my initial perception of it was quite incorrect and shallow! Thanks, @Tom and @Guillermo_el_chiclero, that was very instructive!
@Baja Gaijin: I’ve never been crazy about fresh salmon, but somehow the idea of salmon loaf (canned salmon with stuff) ignites the pleasure centers in my cat brain. Gelatin would not improve it.
I thought meddling in other’s affairs WAS Mary’s hobby.
@135 Ukulele Ike: Gelatin never improves savory dishes. Never.
@Baja Gaijin: For WHAT? Something to throw at the bad guys after the ammunition runs out? That might actually violate the Geneva Conventions…
Man, these Blondie characters with all their safety equipment! They never needed bubble wrap in Funky Winkerbean, they just had them eventually get traumatic encephalopathy and die. Which…someone thought was good, maybe? I’m not really sure.
@138 Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: When plugger get all plugged up, they scarf down a half-dozen of those things.
@pachoo: Only good, because everyone in Funky Winkerbean were horrible horrible people.
I mean, if it was a character we all love and enjoy like…. um….. (I’ll have to get back to you on that)
“That’s right, Toby,” says imaginary Mary. “I’m sleeping with your husband. I won’t rest until I’ve slept with every husband in Charterstone! Thankfully, that group excludes Wilbur.”
JP:
“Mommy? — my head’s too big for my body. Just like that Morgan girl in RMMD.”
A few years back Toby and Mary took a cruise to Mexico (“Look! Mariachis!”) because Ian couldn’t be bothered. She was fine with that.
But now he’s in a great mood and colluding with Mary on some scheme. She finds tickets for a genuine sexy holiday. The horrible realization is that Ian’s been watching those pharmaceutical commercials, Mary has been telling him what those pills do for Dr. Jeff, and Toby’s going to be trapped in a fancy hotel room with Super Ian.
The reveal will be a special anniversary surprise, but her rehearsed expression of joy won’t fool Ian. Not that he cares.