Soapy catchups
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Judge Parker, 11/13/26
So, hey, remember how Neddy and her roommate Ronnie sold a Netflix show about the Spencer-Driver clan’s ties to notorious CIA assassin April, and then Kat, the actress hired to play Neddy who looked uncannily like her, started dating Ronnie, which wasn’t psychosexually weird at all? Well, Neddy and Ronnie have now sold a show about the Spencer-Driver clan’s ties to notorious scam artist Ann, and for everyone who’s been like, “Gee, Ann sure is drawn a lot like Neddy, do they not have that many models of brunette in the Parkerverse or what,” I guess you just didn’t want poor Kat to find work, huh? Are you happy about the strain their financial problems have put on her relationship with Ronnie? You make me sick.
(Just as a side note, when I was poking through my archives looking for the backstory on this, I discovered this post from 2021 where I mentioned perusing the Judge Parker Wikipedia article and discovering that Randy had a long-lost sister named Ann, something that I had apparently completely forgotten by the time Ann reappeared in the strip two and a half years later).
Mary Worth, 11/13/26
Oh, I guess I forgot to mention that Nelly confessed to Mary that the reason she’s a miserable, hateful monster is that she had a daughter who died some unspecified amount of time ago and she’s still very sad about it, and Mary, who at one point canonically had a dead husband who now she never talks or thinks about, immediately launched into her patented therapy technique of telling someone to simply use the force of their will to stop being sad by any means necessary. Sometimes this involves forcing the subject to focus their thoughts on happiness to the exclusion of all else or alter their own memories, but she’s starting small, with hobbies. Nelly, have you considered that going outside and playing some sport might take your mind off your inconsolable grief? Oh, arthritis? Hmm. Well, have you considered starting cruel rumors about others to make sure that the rest of the world suffers just like you do?
14 replies to “Soapy catchups”
Family Circlejerk – Nice artwork depicting the awe Billy exhibits at the sight of The Thinker’s big dick.
Multitasking Marvin – He’s not including shitting at the same time as sleeping and eating?
MW – “You can still be outdoorsy. I’ll be burying your mutilated, rumor-starting corpse in the upper left corner of the community vegetable plot. Next year’s carrots are going to be extra fat.”
Mary Worth:
“What kind of things do you like to do?”
“Go as Dick Butkus for Halloween!”
“Okay, then….”
Mary Worth:
“I like summoning ectoplasm and poltergeists at seances, Mary!”
“That’s the spirit, Nelly!”
MW: “You can still be outdoorsy. I know where there’s a balloon just waiting for the taking.”
Judge Parker:
The Lampy depicted in today’s first panel certainly looks as if it could use some iron supplements, doesn’t it?
Wary Morth:
“HOW DARE YOU not be happy? You’ll be happy if I have to meddle you into hip and knee replacement surgery!”
Mary is furious that Nelly hadn’t already come to her crying about her daughter. So much good meddling time wasted! Nelly shall pay.
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Murky Tail:
Hopefully the exotic pet will be a Candiru, Murk will temporarily house it in his bathtub, and then forget about it and get in naked for a good long soak.
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Popeye:
It’s looking more and more like a swipe from Zenna Henderson’s short story “Food To All Flesh”. It’ll turn out that the Quoik can only eat Sweepeas, and the moment the Quoik discovers this is when his real mum comes and takes him away in her flying saucer.
MW-Mary then kicks Nelly out forcing Nelly to become an urban outdoorsman.
RMMD-So you’re saying it’s good to shoplift because someone else is paying for it.
Mary Worth Mashup: Nelly could be a hiker, couldn’t she?
MW: “Have you considered gardening? I have a 6 foot deep plot that could use some fertilizing. Let me show it to you later, say midnight? Why so late? We don’t want to get sunburnt or overheated. By the way, bring quicklime with you.”
JP: Since the writer of this strip can’t be arsed to even pretend to relate it to anything resembling legal drama, let me do it for you: Kat fails to get the part, divorces Ronnie, the settlement of which hinges on whether an “anything could happen” shrug constitutes an implied contract.
MW: Mary’s patented “Get over it, already!” method remains undefeated! Anyway, Mary hasn’t let Nelly off the hook yet: Judging by that trailing thought in the last panel, Nelly get all the outdoor time she wants, and then some, via some rigorous laojiao in the community garden until such a time as Mary deems her ideological remolding complete.
JP: One of the great unanswered questions of our age is “Could you make a drama about the sordid affairs of young bisexual Hollywood stars and lawyers and secret agents, who hang around drinking martinis in skimpy clothing and occasionally stabbing people in Arctic prison camps, boring?” Finally, after decades of work, Judge Parker has proved the answer is definitively “Yes. Extremely boring.”
MW I don’t know what Mary has in mind there, but I hope it involves strapping Nelly to a giant baby bjorn and forcing Tommy to carry her through the woods.
MW: Mary suggests Nelly take a leisurely stroll through the Chartestone grounds. “Be careful around the tar pits. You wouldn’t want to lose your balance and fall in.”