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Apartment 3-G, 5/20/08

Things Haley might have said that could have been even dorkier than “Wow. This dope is super — I feel great!”:

  • Nothing. There is absolutely nothing anyone could say or do that would make this hard-hitting drug use storyline any squarer than it is right now. Alan and Haley’s dope binge is making Mary Worth’s Tommy the Tweaker storyline (which, I might remind you ended with “Yeah, parents … what are you going to do?” and “UHHHHHHHHHHH” and “I hate drug dealers!” and “Groan!”) look like the unrated director’s cut of Trainspotting.

Can someone who’s an expert in drug paraphernalia and/or fluid dynamics explain to me what the deal is with Alan’s “pipe”? It looks less like something you’d use to smoke dope (of whatever flavor) and more like one of those jumbo straws for drinking bubble tea. Perhaps the syndicate would agree to greenlight this drug-fueled storyline only if nothing in the art remotely resembled anything someone could actually use to ingest illegal narcotics, and all the characters talked like utter dweebs.

Gil Thorp, 5/20/08

Panel three is a good example of why visually-oriented media like the comics don’t build storylines around lawyers very often. “Will the Vargases’ attorney manage to keep Elmer in the U.S. legally? Thrill as he plumbs the depths of Title 8 of the U.S. code! Gasp as he makes a few phone calls to some friends over at U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services! Can his secretary make enough copies of his notes for everyone at his 4:30 meeting? Does he have time to step out for coffee? How many billable hours will he put in today?” Judge Parker, take note.

Archie, 5/20/08

“Also, what Jughead had thought for the past eight years was his ‘dog’ turns out to be a short guy in a fursuit. We’re both pretty freaked out about it, honestly.”