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Mark Trail, 8/16/23

Look, I’m the first to admit that I’m an old person now, and if I accidentally clicked onto anyone doing a video livestream on any social media site or app, I would immediately and frantically try to turn said livestream off, and, if I couldn’t achieve that within approximately five seconds, would throw whatever device I was using into the sea. So the idea that a 500-follower account could reach more people by doing a live feed seems off to me, but since this is nu-look Mark Trail, it’s possible that Mark has a better grasp on social media than I do, which, I don’t think I have to say, is a very uncomfortable position to be in. Anyway, Marks père et fils are on the run for various crimes, including violence against law enforcement (and not for the first time!) so it’s possible this live stream will end in Mark’s arrest or summary execution, and I guess that could drive up viewership.

Blondie, 8/16/23

Sorry, I can’t spend any energy on the ostensible punchline here because I’m too fixated on what’s in the mysterious box Dagwood is purchasing that has this pharmacist so unsettled. Is it some advanced ultra-enema system that completely cleanses your GI tract of all sandwich matter so that you can immediately go in for another massive sandwich? Sir, your store is the one carrying it, so maybe you shouldn’t be so judgemental.

Mary Worth, 8/15/23

You notice how ripped Jeff’s arms are these days? Do you remember how just a few years ago he was an old man facing mobility challenges but now he simply can’t wait to follow up dinner with a vigorous walk? I don’t want to say that he’s using his trusted position at the Charterstone hospital to steal enyouthening child blood, but it would explain a lot.

Judge Parker, 8/15/23

OH MY GOD, IT’S … actually, I have no idea who that is. Is it April’s … mom? April had a mom, who was some kind of undefined but menacing spy lady, right? And Sam being friends with her son-in-law is a “close connection,” sort of? OK, it’s April’s mom, until further notice.