Animal-people and people-people
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Pluggers, 11/16/24
Big news for people tired of reading my typed words and interested in hearing my voice: if you fall into that category and you are subscriber to the 372 Pages We’ll Never Get Back podcast from Conor Lastowka and Mike Nelson of Rifftrax fame, you can listen to me trying to solve an Encyclopedia Brown mystery and, of course, talkin’ Slylock Fox, Encyclopedia Brown’s spiritual cousin in ratiocination, but with furries. “But, Josh,” you’re no doubt saying, “This isn’t a Slylock strip, it’s a Pluggers panel, an entirely different cartoon! Yes, they both feature unsettling human-animal hybrids, but the vibes are totally different! Slylock’s all unsettlingly amped up, while Pluggers is slow, desultory, depressing, fading slowly into nothingness but never quite getting there.” Well, what if I told you that the Encyclopedia Brown mystery we discuss involves a kid who’s a toilet paper collector? It does, and I’m sorry, this plugger clearly owns a “collection” rather than a “stash.” Each roll is lovingly displayed and meant to be examined again and again at leisure by this dog man and whatever weirdos he invites over to look at them. Real sicko stuff, in my opinion!
Hi and Lois, 11/16/24
I was briefly going to suggest that it would be funnier, or at least closer in structure to a “joke”, if Thirsty were just on his side of the fence here, basking in the stolen glow of his neighbors’ fire from his own yard. But I forgot that we’re in the bold new post-punchline era of Hi and Lois and I’m actually pretty OK with the offering we have here, where it’s clear that Thirsty has openly come onto the Flagstons’ property and lit a fire, and they’re standing at the window fretting about what if anything to do about it.
Shoe, 11/16/24
“Soon afterwards, he died of massive internal injuries. He was 56. Rest in power, Mr. Schwartz.”
81 replies to “Animal-people and people-people”
Rex Morgan: Did Truck just call Wanda “fat” right to her fat face?
Mary Worth Mashups: Any of them strike your fancy?
Pluggers:
That’s a delightfully perceptive comment from Mr. Jones, coming, as he does, from a town that can’t decide whether it’s a city or a state.
Hi and Lois-“Get me the hose.”
Dustin-I’m sure some people in the office paid for the bounce and jiggle.
FC-Dolly needs a lot of people who won’t testify against her.
RMMD-Suddenly Mary Worth’s ears perk up. “What’s this? Someone somewhere else is planning a big wedding?”
MW-“If marriage is out of the question how about we put our beds together?”
Hi and Lois-It’s official. Thirsty has been kicked out of the house and sleeps in whatever yard he drunkenly passes out in.
H&L: IDK, falling into a drunken stupor next to an open fire might solve the Flagston’s neighbor problems once and for all.
H and L:
“What’s the origin of that firewood, anyway, Hi?”
“They’re from the estate of the great outdoorsman and early health food advocate and pitchman, Gibbons.”
“You mean…?”
“Yep. Euell logs!”
H and L:
“Look, Lois! — our shrubbery is purple!”
“Hmm. Mary Worth must have been by.”
Steve Schwartz flew six feet in the air. Because he’s a BIRD, right?
RMMD:
“Honey, you know how it’s traditional for the bride to toss a bouquet at a wedding reception? — I’m gonna do a variation on that theme and throw a coffee cup and smash it against a wall!”
Shoe: If you’re doing a joke about birds, and your gag doesn’t actually involve flying, maybe “flew” isn’t the right verb. ‘Thrown’ was available.
Pluggers shit a lot, that’s the takeaway, right?
And suddenly it’s Dagwood.
HI & LOIS: The “joke” is that Hi and Lois was hoping Thirsty’s alcohol-fueled body would catch on fire that close to an open flame. “An accident” Lois suggested. “It’ll look like an accident and once they drag the drunk’s charred corps out of here, our property value will finally stop declining.”
Plugger son comes over and goes to hang his coat in the hall closet. “What the hell, Dad.”
Pluggers: Gotta say, the kinds of people who I see panicking about the risk of another pandemic are the exact opposite of Pluggers. Preppers aren’t Pluggers any more, get with the program!
Shoe: I’m glad the strip has finally entered the
2020s2010slate 2000s with its desktop LCD screen PCs, but it does make the big piles of paper harder and harder to rationalise. Is the Perfesser also a toilet paper hoarder? If so, I dread to think what it means that they’re all loose and crumpled.REX MORGAN M.D.: Truck: “Baby this is going to be such a big hit, I may be able to play at a second bar now!”
@Hibbleton: COTW!
Shoe: “Steve Schwartz flew in the air after being struck by a car. Since he’s a bird like the rest of us, though, that actually means he was mostly unharmed. In grimmer news, an embarrassing incident at Treetop Nursery left new mother Gertrude Grouse with egg on her face…”
JP: As a reminder, this week was supposed to be about Sophie introducing Neddy to Glen. Instead, the poor guy has been Lil Dunk’d in the beginning of his own story. We may never see him again.
MW: “Thanks for dinner, Jeff! I feel so lucky, and so loved!”
“About that… since you keep rejecting my marriage proposals, I was thinking we should probably start splitting the checks and-”
“Now, Jeff. You wouldn’t want to ruin a lovely evening by getting on my bad side, would you?”
“But it just feels like you’re using m-”
“You know, we really should be careful on our stroll. This time of year can be very dangerous. Why, I hear sometimes people suddenly just fall right off the boardwalk and break their ungrateful necks. We wouldn’t want that… would we?”
“…Yes, Mary. Of course. You’re very welcome for dinner.”
“And?”
“…And you are… loved.”
“I think we’ll both enjoy this walk after all. Oh, and don’t forget to leave a generous tip. I have a reputation to uphold.”
DtM: No malice on Dennis’ part. It’s only natural that his focus would be drawn to Henry’s two right feet.
Shoe: Don’t put “ironically” in front of your punchline if you can’t sing like Alanis.
RMMD: Rough sailing ahead for our happy couple. After roots country musician Truck proposed to Darla, she rushed out and bought the new album by alt-rock artist Nick Lowe. I foresee trouble brewing when the couple argue over the music for the wedding reception; Allison Krauss or Elvis Costello? If their music tastes are this divergent, can this marriage be saved? Maybe Mary Worth ca make a guest appearance to help this relationship.
FC: [Noting that shadows appear only under the children’s feet] I shouldn’t say I’m surprised that the Keanes have installed powerful de-lousing lights in their threshold.
@Blinky the Wonder Wombat:
…and bought the new album by alt-rock artist Nick Lowe
Mary is the living embodiment of “Cruel to be Kind.”
MW:
“Now, honestly, Jeff, do you reciprocate those feelings?”
“Mary, the adapted words of the Divinyls come to mind: ‘I don’t love anybody else/When I think about you, I shush myself/I shush myself/I honestly do….’ “
There’s at most 36 rolls in that closet. That’s enough for what? I guess enough for Mr Dog to die with dignity when his medications run out in cause society breaks down to the point there’s no more toilet paper. Come on, if you’re doomsday prepping you’re going to get at least one serious bulk pack with like 108 rolls. (I miss the grocer where I used to live in 2002.) This is such a well paid big city cartoonist elite, I’ve forgotten there are people who buy more than 4-8 rolls at a time to save money mood.
Is it oxymoronic to be classified as a “Plugger” when a defining characteristic of your lifestyle is the amount of preparation you devote to compensating for how your alimentary canal is in fact constantly un-plugged?
@Baja Gaijin:
#1, #2, AND #3, Baja, because they all feature The Barf Boat!.
Shoe- I may be as thick as a whale omelet, but why “pediatrician”. I was waiting for some sort of joke on that. Mr. Checkov would like to have a word with the writer.
@Hibbleton:
And when we observe her at work, we are “Cracking Up” — and not in a good way.
A Plugger-ism and about toilet paper and you don’t feature the bear-man? Are you telling me you’ve never seen a Charmin ad?
MW: “I feel so lucky, and so loved.”
“You are. I feel so used, and so toyed with.”
“You are.”
@Hibbleton: re Pluggers: “What the hell, Dad?”
“That’s your inheritance, son.”
Pluggers: I doubt pluggers have a huge need for toilet paper being plugged and all.
@Maltmash3r: I read it that way at first as well, but it says “pedestrian”, nit “pediatrician”.
GT: An excited Marty Moon calls the action: “AND GORDON FUMBLES THE BALL . . . Oh, wait, that’s not the ball, it’s seat cushion or something. Boy, I don’t know *what* the hell that is.”
Frazz: The solar system — just one more thing that doesn’t measure up to Caulfield’s standards. You suck, planets, and so do your stupid moons!
Blondie: “Yeah, I’m raking in extra moolah, Mr. B. Of course, these kids don’t have any money, so I make them steal it from their parents.”
JP: Must be nice to have so much money that you can afford to flit from coast to coast and back in one day just to satisfy your erratic, neurotic whims. In other words, to be a Spencer.
CS: Um, Batty, I believe that kids are not allowed to stand while the bus is moving, and therefore every one of them will have a seat available to them in the morning before . . . Oh, what’s the frickin’ use? Carry on, moron.
Pluggers: “Have you checked out my Patreon? How about the cool Hollywood people i hang out with now, have i ever mentioned them? Did you know i live in LA, the cultural
wastelandcapital of this country? Did i ever mention that I moved out here ten years ago to become a writer and/or standup comedian? Anyway, what’s this strip again, another Barney Google or something, look, just amuse yourselves, i have to practice my opening for next week’s podcast.”“Firebowl”? Isn’t that a brazier?
MW: “You are, dear! Lucky to BE loved, that is!”
@Baja Gaijin: #3.
Can’t wait for the next strip showing Mary stealing a pickup truck, getting a rope and dragging Dr. Jeff out of the Bum Boat parking lot.
Pluggers – A two week supply – BFD….
H&L – Shouldn’t Thursty have a bottle in a roll-down sack, a bindle, and a knife opened can of pork and beans heating up in the fire…
Shoe – Now he’s in a Red Bull commercial….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
MW- As Tina Turner said “What’s love got to do with it?”
MARY WORTH: I swear, Mary is the anti-Beyonce.
“If you like it you shouldn’t put a ring on it/If you like it, then you shouldn’t put a ring on it….“
Pluggers: ah, yes. The great Pandemic Toilet Paper Panic.
I saw a 90 year old Plugger grabbing 5 packs of 96 rolls FFOMO.
Angry Pluggers screaming at our employees for limiting sales of so many packages to a customer.
Plugger women standing post by our TP display area and calling their friends when our boys began unloading boxes.
Noticing at one point we had 12 different brands of TP. Some from foreign countries.
(I was hoping we’d get to the point of selling “Rough As A Cob”).
I’m sure our new Secretary of Health would prevent such panic when a new emergency arises.
Crank: That’s … that’s not even a thing Amazon does. That’s an “if airlines took kids to school” joke, maybe. The “upgrading” joke for Amazon is clearly that you need to subscribe to Prime to guarantee your kids will arrive the same day, or maybe go for the Prime TV analogy rather than delivery and say that without the upgrade, the kids are forced to spend the whole trip watching ads. It’s still not funny, for all the reasons Batty’s jokes about the bus service’s mistreatment of kids are never funny, but it’s coherent!
GT: Y’know, if anyone wants to reboot iconic British misery comic The Blind Ballerina, Merrill’s portrayal of sports action would be perfect!
JP: I don’t know why I phrased that thing yesterday about Ces’s Wheel Of Random Plot Developments as if it were a joke.
Pluggers: It was easy to miss because, well *gestures at the general state of the world,* but there was a brief run on toilet paper a few weeks ago when people feared the dockworker strike might cause a shortage. It was a needless panic as that particular supply chain was not expected to be affected and the strike lasted a grand total of three days, but it’s consistent with this strip and the general theme of Pluggers as ignorant reactionaries afraid of any change in their routine.
C’shaft: It’s funny because the privatization of an initially public service has resulted in people paying more out of pocket through nickel-and-dime pricing than they would through government taxes, while gaining nothing in efficiency or service. (On the plus side Batiuk has finally managed to be on the cutting edge of current events, even if it’s by accident.)
DT: Finally, the Dick Tracy/Slylock Fox crossover we’ve been waiting for!
Dustin: “And don’t think of backing out on the deal, because I’ve hired JImmy ‘No Shoes’ Vittorio to wait at the four-point-five mark with a tire iron.”
MT: Cherry demonstrating how difficult atonement is with a “cancel culture” mindset.
Phantom: The Ghost Who Runs Everything Behind the Scenes knows his colonial empire is in no danger, not while his benignly paternalistic form of imperialism is preferable to fake!Elon’s open belligerence.
Well, I thought it was funny DEPARTMENT
Rubes
@27 Cleveland Mocks: I’m glad someone saw that detail.
@30 Weaselboy: Bears don’t need toilet paper; they do that in the woods, along with the Pope.
@39 UncleJeff: Hmm…I don’t think I have the clip art to make that happen.
Hi And Lois: I’m formulating a theory that most newspaper comics take place in a bizarre world where you’re culturally discouraged from so much as standing up for yourself if someone is a dick to you, hence scenes like this where Hi and Lois act like there’s nothing to be done about Thirsty trespassing into their backyard and setting their stuff on fire, or the numerous installments of Dustin where the characters say things that would get you knocked on your ass in real life.
Shoe: This is making me realize that I have no idea what kind of writer the Perfesser is for the newspaper he works at. I swear, we’ve seen him writing for everything from finances to sports, and now he’s apparently in charge of obituaries (and amuses himself by writing nasty insults about the deceased as if that’s not a fireable offense). Between all that and the huge pile of papers around him, I’m starting to think Treetops Tattler-Tribune is so destitute that it can only afford a single writer.
Pluggers: It sort of hits home that the 18 pack of Northern Mega Rolls that I bought recently due to putting the last roll on the dispenser, is actually a multi-year supply for a person like me, who lives alone. I can’t help but buy the big package, given that it’s cheaper per unit that way, but yeah, the thing even says that it’s equivalent to 72 normal-sized rolls. I don’t know about that, to be certain, but I do know that each roll in the bathroom that I tend to favor like 80/20 lasts at least a couple of months, maybe more like three, meaning that I have what is probably up to a 5 year supply now.
Dear me, I’m a Plugger!
@Bob Tice: Our baseball group has a new member from Lower Sackville, Nova Scotia. I’d love to see a Plugger submission from there.
@35 Cleveland Mocks: on Gil Thorp: “…Oh, wait, that’s not the ball, it’s seat cushion or something. Boy, I don’t know *what* the hell that is.” I ran three clarifying filters on the strip. Which do you think reveals the truth?
Tiger Spanish to English.
Luann: Finally, someone’s getting some action. “You’re going to make the security guy come again!”
@UncleJeff: It was a self-fulfilling prophecy, as people were scared there would be a shortage, and were buying up as much as possible. creating a shortage…
Has anyone done a psychological study on this? (Just asking)
I frankly don’t think that the notion of Thirsty having the initiative to light a fire on his own fits his character. I’d rather imagine that his wife threw him out of the house and the Flagstons took pity on him, but not enough pity to actually let him stay in their house. They lit the fire and went inside while he gradually approached with his lounge chair, sniffing the air and looking about like a squirrel advancing on a freshly-filled bird feeder. Now they have to hope that Irma takes him back before he starts digging up their yard looking for the cans of beer he buried there last month.
Baby Blues: “Also we decided to wear each others underwear”
Marvin: Next week will be a recreation of the vomit scene from the critically acclaimed film Triangle of Sadness, but this is Marvin so there’s going to be poop as well.
Family Circus: Dolly wants to make friends now that she can later exploit for her personal gain.
Curtis: I’ve actually seen a lot of “gangsta” Popeye merch being sold where he has his pants sagging and references to the thug life and drug use. So a black Popeye movie where he has an Afro and Olive Oyl is a stereotypical Latina wouldn’t be that surprising, The character is almost 100 years old, gotta think of new ways to keep it fresh.
Kind of strange how Josh says “Mike Nelson of Rifftrax fame” but not “MST3K fame” which Mike Nelson is much more famous for.
FC – Omigod! Dolly grew up to be The Buttress!
Andertoons – Caulfield has an apprentice.
Pluggers – Thank goodness it isn’t “Pluggers save money by reusing toilet paper.”
S4th – Thank goodness this is tell, not show. If they actually showed Ronan doing that, Daisy would faint.
JP – Glen thinks, “My uncle murdered my father and dumped him in the ocean. We weren’t really concerned until Sophie saw his body when she almost drowned because we didn’t bother to warn her about the riptide. But that’s still not as fucked up as whatever is going on with this entitled asshole.”
9CL – Oh, pshaw. They’re going to do the same thing Mummy and Daddy did – leave in the middle of the ceremony to boink on one of the gravestones in the church cemetery.
Want to see a plugger revert to their feral state and maul you? Try suggesting they just install a bidet instead,
***
Pluggers don’t have clean towels because they don’t have anywhere to keep them. “Closets are for prepping, human!”
***
Does a bear plugger builds a shed in the woods to keep the toilet paper close for their shitting needs?
***
Damn it! The Charmin bears are pluggers! This explains everything!
Crap. I need an edit function. “Does a bear plugger build a shed in the woods to keep the toilet paper close for their shitting needs?” No S on “build”!
@Baja Gaijin: Mashups – I missed the detail of the sign on my first reading. That is so true.
I’d like to see Mary’s response to the third one.
@TheDiva: We went to Costco when that was going on to get paper towels, and they were cleaned out of all their paper products.
Dustin: “Yeah, so basically I’m rooting for my own daughter to suffer a terrible injury. But remember readers, Dustin is the one you’re supposed to hate in this strip, because he’s committing the terrible sin of not being able to find steady employment while under the age of 45.”
Don Abundio, translated:
“Boss, do you know what day this is?”
“The day we celebrate the financial wizard whose shrewd decisions are responsible for all my fabulous wealth!”
“Hail to thee, dear Pola…!”
Pluggers are afraid Mr Whipple will come by and squeeze their toilet paper to shreds. Ironically they were the top “people” to complain when Charmin™ changed from an old store keeper to colorful bear spokesbeings.
@62 I speak Jive: Mary’s missing response panel.
@Tabby Lavalamp: Crap. I need an edit function.
_____________________________
Won’t someone fix Tabby’s Marvin button?
@55 The Rambling Otter: Why would a study be needed? It’s obvious that stupid people believe stupid things other stupid people on social media post. It’s easier than thinking.
@61 Tabby Lavalamp: For three dollars a month you can get an edit button. Look at what’s behind the “Donate” link at the top of this page.
@The Rambling Otter: Kind of strange how Josh says “Mike Nelson of Rifftrax fame” but not “MST3K fame” which Mike Nelson is much more famous for.
______________________
Guess Josh picked the wrong day to stop reading comics. (See if you can hunt for the common reference. Slylock knows….do you?)
@Baja Gaijin: Thanks! That panel is the gift that keeps on giving.
Curtis: I would totally greenlight a movie about Calvin Ellis, President Superman from Earth 23, as long as Grant Morrison is attached to script.
FG: “Well, he’s really more of an ourang-outang. But he’s Lion-ish.”
”He doesn’t….look….Lionish.”
Meanwhile, poor old “love her and leave her” Dale has to find something to do when she’s left behind at Lion Camp. I hope someone gives her a ball of yarn to play with.
Shoe-Steve Schwartz will be cremated with a meal following afterwards.
Far be it for me to tell King Features their business, but shouldn’t you hire “chix” with more than two brain cells?
@Liam: Shoe-Steve Schwartz will be cremated with a meal following afterwards.
____________________________
Hope that wasn’t Scratchy’s favorite TV producer, Steve “Sure Wood” Schwartz.
I don’t know that we’ve ever seen Ho & Lois full-on from behind like this. And on this exceedingly rare occasion, we don’t even get to see Lois’s booty?
Pluggers: It’s funny how “shortage” is written in quotation marks here, as if we don’t believe there really was a shortage — perhaps it was all some sort of economic power play on the part of Big Toilet Paper. Or, at least, that seems to be the thinking of one fellow from Indiana, Pennsylvania (a whimsically named region that is actually known as the “Christmas Tree Capital of the World,” and is also the birthplace of Jimmy Stewart — so its residents should be happy folks who are far too busy as the holiday season approaches to be thinking up Pluggers captions).
Hi and Lois: “Should we really leave a burning fire pit that close to our wooden fence? The instructions say it shouldn’t be near anything flammable.” “Don’t worry, Thirsty is blocking it — and his body won’t contain more alcohol than water for at least four more drinks!”
Shoe: Stephen Schwartz is actually one of the most popular musical-theater composers and lyricists in the history of Broadway. I’ve seen a lot of recent ads for the movie based on his show Wicked, but today’s strip is by far the weirdest promotion yet!
Whoops, that’s HI and Lois. I did not intend to cast aspersions on Hi. I’m sure he’s not a ho.
@The Rambling Otter:
Because he also mentioned Conor Lastowka, who is mostly known for Rifftrax (not MST3K).
@70 I speak Jive: It’s funny because it’s true.
@73 Liam: Is “cremated” used in the sense of “body parts dredged in flour and spices then placed in boiling oil until golden brown”?
@BigTed: Re “Shoe”: On the other hand, if you were hit by a car and flew six feet into the air, the song “Defying Gravity” would be the perfect soundtrack. “Ah-ah-ah-ah-ahhhahhh!”