This is a sport that got its start in bootlegging, and look what it’s become
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Gearhead Gertie, 1/23/25
Today’s Gearhead Gertie is actually a pretty great commentary about how modern fandoms of all stripes have slowly transformed from genuine expressions of enthusiasm into parasocial relationships between fans and the corporations that churn out the content they crave. You’d think that a NASCAR superfan would need a drone in order to get views of the race from angles that you simply can’t see on TV or even sitting in the stands. But no, Gertie would simply never dream of violating the sacred media rights agreements NASCAR has signed with their distribution partners FOX Sports, NBC Sports, Amazon’s Prime Video, and TNT Sports. Instead, she’s using the drone to harass the unfortunate workers tasked with delivering the overpriced licensed trinkets that tide her over between officially sanctioned broadcasts of racing action.
Marvin, 1/23/25
I must offer further grudging respect to Marvin for reaching new levels of villainy this week. Sure, “I should get to piss and shit myself as long as I want and that’s my parents’ problem” is grotesque, but it honestly pales in comparison to “Your parents are doing something for you because it makes you happy, which is a psyop. Do not fall for it and express any pleasure whatsoever!”
Mary Worth, 1/23/25
Wait, Jared, are you counting Jess, who you dumped Dawn for, and who I’m pretty sure has never interacted with her before today, as Dawn’s friend? Because I don’t think that really counts! I don’t think you really count, to be perfectly honest.
99 replies to “This is a sport that got its start in bootlegging, and look what it’s become”
Marvin vs Pavlov, Pavlov wins
“Dawn, you’re such a messy eater! Who taught you to eat this way?!”
“My father”
“Oh. That explains a lot”
Jess has clearly ingested enough recreational chemicals that she is not even aware of Dawn’s existence, or Jared’s for that matter.
You’d think that a comics based entirely on Nascar would have exhausted the jokes years ago, but then you read “Gearhead Gertie” and it turns out you’re right
I do hope FedEx driver there is not a veteran of the Ukraine-Russia conflict, because being chased by a drone there is, well, no laughing matter.
FC-Sounds to me like a party.
MW-Such endearing quirks from Dirk.
RMMD-Tomorrow Summer dates a plate licking homeless person.
At the end of the Prohibition Museum in Savannah they have an exhibit on the origin of NASCAR.
I am so firmly against the slow hottening up of Jared. I know for some reason this whole family has to be able to pull outside their league, but how are you going from The Mole Man to Owen Wilson like this?
GG: Yes, FedEx offers package tracking as standard, but Gertie can’t use that. She’d have to type the tracking code into their website, and she already retired the 3 button on her keyboard.
MW: Sometimes it’s hard to believe Dawn is Wilbur’s daughter. Sometimes, when she’s on an inexplicable double-date with her ex, spilling food everywhere and embarrassing herself, I can see the family resemblance.
Ha ha, silly Dawn… you never really had any real friends! Except for Mary, who always knows what you have done wrong and what you should do to change your attitude!
*some kind of moral platitude picked from a Goodreads author quote page about how real friends are hard to come by*
MW: Dawn gets food all over her face when she eats? How does she even do that? She ordered a steak. Did she pick up the bone and start gnawing it at the table. Dirk is an ass but this is a case of “cruel to be kind.”
GG Thank god we have drones now to track our shipments because there is literally no other simpler, cheaper way to do it.
Marvin I think it’s kind of sad that the babies (and animals?) in this strip seem to have telepathic powers, but waste it communicating bullshit like this.
MW I’m torn here, because Dirk is being a real asshile there but also? Wipe your mouth, Dawn. Especially when you’re around friends.
MW. How soon until Dirk starts hitting Dawn, and she apologizes to him for it?
After Jared rescues Dawn from Dirk’s abuse, he will propose her an arrangement to have her be his girlfriend without giving up Jess. Mary will sigh but agree. She’s long given up on putting Dawn in a normal, heteronormative relationship and if polycules are the only way to give Dawn a semi-decent man, so be it!
MW: To be strictly accurate, Dirk never said, “I know I shouldn’t behave this way,” or, “I’ll change.” It was just pretty much, “This is who I am and this is why.”
MW: Jess doesn’t speak because she threw up a little in her mouth. Even Luann, at her most developmentally delayedness, knows enough to wipe her face as she eats.
I hate to break it to you, Marvin, but he’s… already smiling? I mean, come on, not only are you apparently telepathic, at least with dogs, and children within two-ish years of your age, but you possess functioning eyes. He’s already fallen for it. Let him eat the cookie and save the anhedonia for your own parents, the ones you hold in obvious contempt (don’t worry, the feeling is mutual).
Marvin knows that after the cookie-bribing comes the quid pro quo of potty training.
GG: Geez, lady. He’s already driving so fast the tires have come off the rims.
@Hibbleton: I’m sad that we missed the scene when Dawn starting tearing into that steak like a hungry Doberman
MW: I’m pretty sure Jared is referring to Deez Nutz.
MW: I’m with everyone else here…Dirk sucks but in this case, Dawn, come on, you’re in damn public. There’s food literally all over your face. I know you learned to eat watching your father so we should actually be happy you’re wearing pants but for Pete’s sake you that’s super gross…
The other thing is what the heck is going on with Jared and Jess??? Jared is, I guess, leaning forward, and Jess is reclined back into her seat in the corner of the booth?? That feels like a whole other suitcase to unpack on the other side of the booth…
Mary Worth: Discipline and Punish, except for the daily comics-reading crowd, is certainly a move.
Also Mary Worth: Being controlled and dominated vs. being bludgeoned for a week or more with “Dirk bad, Jared good.” Who’s the abuse victim now?
MW: I know there’s no use complaining about continuity in Mary Worth, because reality is whatever suits Moy’s current inane plot, but we have literally never seen Dawn be a messy eater until the last date with Dirk where she wasn’t wearing her glasses. But I guess now she’s been doing it her entire life and literally no one ever brought it up before.
Gearhead Gertie – Gertie must be a Denny Hamlin fan, at least at the time this was created, as he was sponsored by FedEx. But now FedEx has departed due to her harassment of their drivers, and the poor sods delivering King’s Hawaiian Rolls will be stalked next.
Marvin – Marvin will take his infantilism to the next extreme. No long will he merely advocate for holding off potty training, but now solid food as well. Bottle training will be next, as formula will be forbidden, and breast feeding, and the the burden it places on the parents, will be a paramount order.
Mary Worth – I don’t want to victim blame here, but maybe Dawn’s messy eating learned from Wilbur is why her Mother rejected her last summer.
Personal note to Mike Smith: There would be a joke in Gearhead Gertie if you switched the panels. Present something inexplicable and then explain it, not the other way around!
If you could work in Schroduck’s line that would be a good joke, but baby steps.
MW: Given that Dawn was literally never depicted as a messy eater until Dirk started berating her about it, have we considered that she spends their dates shaking like a chihuahua in anticipation of getting castigated, causing food to smear all over her before she finally gets it into her mouth?
@Hibbleton: Dawn is trying to show Dirk that she’s just really bad at the whole “eating meat” thing so he’ll let her go back to being vegan.
I can’t believe I’m saying this about a Weston, but I want to see Dawn fall off a ship and wash up on an island because she deserves better.
***
Whatever you do, Dawn, don’t get on an airplane chasing an ex and start telling people the story about how you developed your eating problem where you miss your mouth completely. Surely that can only go wrong.
Marvin poses a “chicken:egg ” question- do his parents not give him treats because he doesn’t smile, or does he not smile because they don’t give him treats?
@Lauralot:
To be fair about her sudden messy eating, we have no idea what Dirk’s foot is doing under the table
Life is brutal.
GG – The die is cast – more craps….
Marvin – The tummy brain has been too long absent from the comics pages….
MW – Heel! Sit! Roll Over! Speak…on second thought, STFU….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
MW – Jess is all “Uh-uh. Nope. I ain’t talking to ANY of these deranged weirdos. I’m going to my happy place.” And I’m starting to like her for it.
Alea iacta NASCAR, Gaius Julius said as he hit the ‘buy’ button and ordered 500 bucks of cheap miniature cars.
Marvin has “the shining” and can see the ghosts of other people. Explains why today he’s communicating in thought bubbles
Blondie:
P1: I don’t want candles on my birthday cake.
P2: Because of my age, it’s a lot of candles.
P3: And it’s a fire hazard. “Okay, no candles.”
Gearhead Gertie: My interpretation of Gearhead Gertie is increasingly that her love of NASCAR goes beyond mere fandom and, in fact, is some kind of full blown political philosophy she follows obsessively and seeks to spread through any means necessary, including violent terrorism. How this relates to this strip is that Gertie is absolutely not tracking a package she ordered, but rather casing the delivery truck just before her armed robbery of it.
Marvin: Note how Other Baby Whose Name I Absolutely Do Not Care To Remember’s mom is holding a phone in her hand as she does this, presumably planning to film her son eating a cookie and posting the resulting video onto her Instagram to humble-brag at all the other moms. I hate to agree with Marvin about anything, but this totally IS a psyop.
Mary Worth: This is getting to a point where Dirk could be beating Dawn’s skull in with a hammer than pissing into the wound and Jared would just be like “huh, pretty harsh, he should be nicer, oh well, not my place to get involved”.
MW: Dawn’s in a group consisting of her boyfriend who insults her constantly including around other people in public (i.e. not saving it for when they’re alone and giving other people cover to say “well _I_ never saw him be anything but nice!”), her ex-boyfriend who dumped her for someone else, and the woman he dumped her for, then… well, I don’t know, 2/3 of those people are much kinder and more supportive than the other and thus have more claim to the role of “friend.”
FBoFW: Elly’s getting the opposite of curtain bangs, whatever that is, and I forget if she got some kind of mullet or what but this DID originally air in the 90s (late 80s?) when Dawn got that UNBELIEVABLE (complimentary) hair cut so normally I’d be on the edge of my seat with excitement but eh, Elly goes back to long middle-parted hair almost immediately.
Luann: PHEW! We’re FINALLY getting character development and information… about someone other than the main character. Alas, this poor tertiary character, who’s getting paid money by a government agency to use existing skills and talents that he already has for the betterment of himself and his family. A true tragedy.
MW: Jess is staring directly at you dear reader, trying to use her eyes to send “get me out of here” in Morse code, only to remember that she is a comics character.
Mother Goose: He’s planning on commanding an army of undead soldiers to rise up and overthrow the government, that’s very grim
Baby Blues: I’d like to think that the part of the animal show that traumatized the kids wasn’t seeing explicit video of creatures being eaten alive but rather the explicit video of them having sex. “Those bunnies are just wrestling” she tries to convince her children.
Family Circus: This is a completely reasonable question for a 3 year old child to ask. Jeffy always gets pegged as being stupid but this shows genuine insight that most kids his age don’t have.
MW: Having recently done it myself, I’m hoping Jared has had some bystander training, otherwise we’re going to be subject to endless innuendo right in the face of the aggressor.
Marvin, in his last days as the human subject of the Harlow experiment, begins to wonder if getting attached to the wire mother was the right choice.
MW:
“Shit!” June hissed as she bent over her drawing board. “Goddammit!”
“What’s wrong?” Karen asked, looking up from her computer.
“I splashed ink on my drawing for the first panel. I was putting the finishing touches on it and RUINED it. Goddammit. That was a whole morning’s work.” She started to remove the pins from the artwork so she could discard the drawing paper and start fresh.
“No, wait! Let me look,” Karen offered, hurrying over to the drawing board. She leaned over the and scrutinized the drawing. “Yeah, that’s bad.” Ink had splotched Dawn’s cheeks. “But, hey, what if we change the text and try to explain it?”
“What do you mean?”
“Okay, let me think. The ordinal text in the word balloons has Dirk complaining about the food. He’s saying, ‘Your steak is overdone! That’s not how I LIKE it!’ But what if we turn it into something like ‘WIPE your MOUTH, Dawn!’ And that way, the ink blotches look like FOOD.”
June brightened, then frowned. “So, you’ll have to change what Dawn says. You have her saying ‘I like your meat well done!’ And then Jared says ‘I thought you gave up on meat…!’ while he’s thinking ‘MY meat, anyway….’ And Jess still isn’t saying anything.”
It was Karen’s turn to frown. “Yeah, Jess….You know, I realize that I haven’t really developed her character. I’m not sure that her being the quiet type is interesting or effective. Maybe she should be the type who bottles it up until she explodes. What do you think? I mean, she can’t be easy with what’s been going on so far on this date, and I want it to be realistic. What would YOU do in this moment, if you were Jess?”
“Karen, this guy Dirk has been pissing me off ever since they were at BOWL. What would I do? You mean right now? Am I EXPLODING after bottling it up? Hmm. Well, I guess—“ June straightened up, accidentally spilling ink all over the second panel. “SHIT. SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! Now the whole day’s work is ruined!”
“No, wait! That’s IT!” Karen said excitedly. June was uncomprehending. “We just solved it, don’t you see?” June’s eyes suddenly widened as it dawned on her.
“FOOD FIGHT!!”
MW: Dawn accidentally wipes her mouth with the edge of the tablecloth spilling everyone’s drinks. Dirk throws what’s left in his glass into Dawn’s face.
Jess finally speaks through a toothy smile; “Are we on Candid Camera?”
Curtis: “They couldn’t afford to buy weapons which is why they were so easy to kill. I’m not sure why I’m confessing to a 10 year old but I was responsible for several yet unsolved homicides and with the advancements being made in forensic science it’s probably only a matter of time before I’m caught”
Pluggers have apparently never seen any production of Sweeney Todd, this dog-person-barber is clearly a sociopathic serial killer.
MW: “And YOU mind your own damn business, Dweeb Boy, or I’ll mind it for you.” “Um, yessir.”
RMMD: The only dating site that would accept Summer was “Lonely Losers.”
CS: “Now let’s say you had to write a headline about Batton Thomas visiting Centerville to do an interview with me.”
“Hack Bags Gimp’s Hick Rag for Brag.”
“Oh Christ, where are my pills?”
MW: ‘And you SHUT your MOUTH. Dirk.’
GG: I have seen ESPN highlights of NASCAR races being interrupted by TV camera drones crashing onto the track.
(The other night, some jerk threw a tray of nachos onto the ice at an NHL game, distracting the goalie and leading to a goal.)
@Voshkod: Et to, Vodhkod….
MW – “Skrrrr-CLICK” is the sound of the plot engine handing the information that Dawn is in a bad relationship to Jared, so that Mary can later collect it from him in the hospital cafeteria when she’s doing her candy-striper shift and encounters him as if by chance.
GG: Thanks to all the restraining orders, Gertie can’t use her drone to follow *any* NASCAR driver.
Marvin: I get it. Marvin lives in a house where every single interaction is transactional, so he’s pretty cynical about this situation.
MW: It looks Jared has taken Dirk off his Christmas card list.
MW: More realistic would be for Dirk to admonish Dawn to chew with her mouth closed. I’ve seen that kind of helpful advice turn into a real shitstorm at the dinner table.
Sexy Rexy Morgan: Ah, another lonely woman who, it turns out, is too good for all the available men. At least in her own mind. Tell me, Summer, how many novels have YOU published in the past year?
Luann: That explains how Navy instruction manuals have so many references to Paw Patrol.
CS: I thought Emily already had the job, so why is she going through this stupid exercise instead of actual reporting. Or is the Centerville Sentinel just a bunch of whimsical headlines followed by columns of “lorem ipsum?”
9CL: Be amazed and astounded as Seth teleports all around the couch!
Is it my imagination, or is Dan Schkade doing an amazing job on the Flash Gordon reboot? My gosh, continuity, believable characters, heavy breasted hawkladies, what doesn’t the strip have now?
@Ukranazi Stepan: “Hey, wanna go out on a double date with the girl I left for you and her new boyfriend?”
“Ok sure but I’m going to take like 4 gummies before we go.”
JP – Every character in this terrible strip is a horrible person. It’s impossible to care about anything that happens to them. Hate reading was invented for the likes of JP.
Mary Worth – The excuse for messy eating last time was that Dawn wasn’t wearing her glasses. What is it this time? Did she plant her face in the food and start gobbling it up? Did she grab a fist full of baked potato and cram it in her mouth?
Meanwhile, Jess hasn’t said a word during this entire date. Either she’s taking mental notes to include this in the 2,000 page multi generational saga she’s writing, or she had a lobotomy. Seeing as how she’s dating Jared, I’d bet on the latter.
Pickles – The reporter is Wilbur Weston.
Mother Goose & Grimm – They had to put a fence around that cemetery. People were dying to get in.
Speed Bump – Good grief.
FC: “I hope it’s half past crap your pants, because that’s what I just did.”
Dustin: I appreciate how this company has learned its lesson and has a special phone menu based on caller ID. However, they turn it off when the interns come in as a prank.
Mary Worth: “I have to train myself not to be a messy eater. Like I trained myself to hold my breath for 45 seconds while being intimate with Dirk. But I’m not a natural at this one.”
@Lauralot: MW: Not to go really dark, but when an elderly acquaintance of mine began having difficulty eating at the table, it turned out to be a sign of Lewy body dementia.
Marvin: It’s not even that babies can understand each other’s babble, but rather that Marvin is telepathic?
Luann: The GoComics fans are convinced that a technical writer for a government contractor has to be a highly trained subject matter expert. I’m quite confident that that’s not the case.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Deal or No Deal…!”
“That’s not what I say, Juan”
“My motto is… Everyone has their price!”
Luann: Piro’s a Federal Employee? Background check?
You are among at least two friends! I mean, the waitress was pretty friendly, right? And also … let’s see … the building’s HVAC unit! That’s a friend you can always count on!
Damn. I first read that as candy-stripper.
I’ll be back soon after I stop barfing.
MT: Enough debate! Legendary ElrodBall demand Fists O’ Justice!
People say no one reads the classics, but “The Mary Worth Players” present *Pygmalion* has really piqued my interest in the other works of Shaw and Ovid.
@Peanut Gallery: Pluggers remember if The Price Is Right Let’s Make a Deal….
Marvin: Maybe that kid’s Mom should think less about social-media influencing and more about changing her baby’s freaking diaper, it’s absolutely brown.
@Peanut Gallery, DA: Remember in ‘Beetle Bailey’ when we see Killer was in “Horny Mode” when the tips of his caps would start wiggling?
Today’s DA must have drawn by Quentin Taratino.
@Dennis Jimenez: Then argue about it with their spouse, causing a Family Feud, and then their marriage is in Jeopardy.
MW: Please don’t tell me Dawn smothered her steak in ketchup. How gauche.
@Flash Gordon Stan From Way Back: re: Flash
“what doesn’t the strip have now?”
A soundtrack by Queen.
“FLASH!!!! AH-AHHHHH!!! SAVIOR OF THE UNIVERSE!!!!”
@I speak Jive: JP – Every character in this terrible strip is a horrible person. It’s impossible to care about anything that happens to them. Hate reading was invented for the likes of JP.
Back when he first took over the strip and was bragging about all the ways he would-heh-improve it, Marciuliano said he wanted it to be more like an actual soap opera, with people whom you wanted to see bad things happen to. Unfortunately, he didn’t–and does not–understand that every soap opera still has one or two likeable characters to root for, such as Luke and Laura or Bobby Ewing. And he’s just not talented enough to give us a JR Ewing or Alexis Carrington. So, instead, every day is just a bunch of whiny, stupid, self absorbed people sitting around cracking bad jokes and breaking the fourth wall.
A&J: Very timely, given the unusually cold weather in much of the nation.
@Flash Gordon Stan From Way Back: It’s not your imagination; he’s doing a great job. It’s what a serial strip should be. The plot moves, the Sunday recaps are worth reading, good art.
BETTY:. Betty’s making a crust before they bring home the ingredients? Either she’s making a crust so basic the flour, leavening, salt, and water are already in pantry, or else she’s making one of those delectable crustless pizzas, aka “chili”.
FG:. Love this strip because it doesn’t dawdle, but what the heck is going on here? Do we need to wait for a Sunday explanation?
PLUGGERS:. The barber need ask only one question, “Which hair?”. But you knew that.
TH:. Suzanne clues is in that bombshell blondes really DO have more fun.
@Flash Gordon Stan From Way Back: Is it my imagination, or is Dan Schkade doing an amazing job on the Flash Gordon reboot? My gosh, continuity, believable characters, heavy breasted hawkladies, what doesn’t the strip have now?
It’s not your imagination. In fact, I read FG on two different web sites, because one is my local paper, but I get a bigger image on the other one, just to enjoy the artwork.
@Professor Well Actually: Dawn is a Plugger confirmed…
@Her Father, John Darling: #76: That was the big problem with the Mary Hartman soap back in the 70s and why I didn’t watch it though several friends were avid viewers. It didn’t have the one common sensical “anchor” character who was the voice of reason that you could root for. They were all a bunch of chump losers.
I have increasingly wondered what Dawn is doing here, what it’s going to take before she walks away from this guy who does nothing but yell insults, orders and criticisms at her. But at this point I have to ask what Dirk is getting out of it. It doesn’t seem like he gets any enjoyment out of being a controlling, gaslighting asshole, and he shows no sign of planning anything, all he does is react (badly) to whatever Dawn does. Is it a morality play? Is Dawn going to learn a lesson (from Mary) about how irredeemable men just need women to work harder at putting up with them?
@Her Father, John Darling: Have you forgotten about how Luke & Laura began their “relationship?”
@Dennis Jimenez: Thanks; I was worried that comment was too obscure even by my standards.
MW-“Damnit, Dawn! How many times have I told you to swallow!?”
Speed Bump: Something you probably never thought about.
Ziggy-You don’t want a new cartoonist, Ziggy. They might turn you into a serious comic strip.
Marvin Spanish to English.
Six Chex and A Cat Named The Happy Homemaker In Search Of A Punchline: The Betty White stamp will be 69¢ to buy, $10,000 if you want to lick it.
@Tom T.: MW: Not to go really dark, but when an elderly acquaintance of mine began having difficulty eating at the table, it turned out to be a sign of Lewy body dementia.
With the passing of Dick Clark, Dawn Weston is now America’s Oldest Living Teenager, and that does wear on a person after a while.
@Bull City: People say no one reads the classics, but “The Mary Worth Players” present *Pygmalion*
“Why can’t a woman eat more like a man?”
@Dennis Jimenez: Pluggers remember if The Price Is Right Let’s Make a Deal….
“We’ve already determined what you are, ma’am, and now we’re just negotiating the exact amount.”
GG: Me, contemplating Gearhead Gertie: “I don’t know how many NASCAR jokes you can make.”
Me, also: “Do you hear yourself?”
@Giant Pondering Otter: #73
…followed by a divorce, if The Price is Right…
@Sequitur: I just took an enormous dump.
Fifty years ago today, President Ford planned to raise fuel costs by imposing increased tariffs on imported crude oil, and Exxon, the world’s larges oil company, announced rising revenues. Meanwhile, Frank and Ernest weighed an alternative source of home heating, and Johnny Hazard discussed insurance fraud with an English nobleman.
he Man Watchers organization praised Burt Reynolds for his animal magnetism, while show business columnist L. Lane praised Suzanne Pleshette’s femininity and charm. In Levittown bar, Leroy Lockhorn told his buddies he could rely on Loretta and Dagwood discussed the domestic problems of a parrot.
Mary Worth discoursed on her views on nudity in the theater. Dennis Mitchell interrupted his father’s enjoyment of a kissing scene on TV.
@Guillermo el chiclero: It was the same with the series Succession. Nothing but horrible people.
@Lord Flatulence: For me, it’s “The Bear”