Dustin is in the middle of what seems to be a week-long haircut plot, God help us all
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Blondie, 2/4/25
Today is in fact “Thank A Mail Carrier Day,” or at least it is according to National Day Calendar Dot Com, and I’m sure that’s good enough for the fake-holiday-obsessed Blondie creative team so it’s good enough for me. Now, while I always think it’s polite to thank someone who provides you with a service, even if they are just doing their job, this does seem like a kind of silly holiday, but you will note that the National Day Calendar Dot Com link provided above describes the event as National Thank A Mail Carrier Day, not Your Mail Carrier Day, which probably reflects the fact that most of us do not interact with our mail carrier on a regular basis, and many routes don’t have the same carrier every day, or may have different carriers delivering letters and packages at different times. Certainly most of us don’t have a consistent mail carrier who somehow manages to get there during a time when a 9 to 5 office worker would be home, and who hands us our mail personally and hangs around to shoot the shit a little bit instead of just putting the letters in the easily accessible mailbox and being on their way. Dagwood should be thanking him!
Dustin, 2/4/25
Dustin (the comic strip) is about the eternal struggle between dipshit son and asshole dad, and I reserve the bulk of my ire for the asshole dad, not because I deny Dustin’s dipshittery, but because the dad is usually depicted as the “correct” agonist in their conflict, when the true enlightened assessment is that they’re both wrong. Still, I’ve often found it unrealistic how quickly Dustin gets shot down in these anachronistic scenarios — like, he’s not hideous or anything and surely it takes a little while for his subpar personality to become obvious? But if he’s really leading with stuff like “I got my hair cut today,” then, yeah, I get it.
Dennis the Menace, 2/4/25
Oh no! Dennis has worked out for himself the idea of inelastic demand … truly one of the more menacing of economic laws!
Beetle Bailey, 2/4/25
I love how dead eyed everyone other than the visiting officer is in panel two. It’s like, yeah, there’s some wacky stuff going on here, but they’ve been dealing with it for like 70 years of strip time now and they’re pretty much over it. They’re not just “used to it”; frankly, they’re exhausted.
104 replies to “Dustin is in the middle of what seems to be a week-long haircut plot, God help us all”
RMMD:
“Summer, did you know that I’m a poet of some renown?”
“Really? — let’s hear one of your offerings.”
“The guy to my left is hirsute
And knocking down brewskis, to boot
While this is a bummer,
Here’s my advice, Summer:
Let’s pay up our bar tab and scoot!”
“Um, stick to teaching English, ‘Augie.’ “
DtM:
“During the Great Potato Famine, Mom, why were all those tubers hungry?”
Dennis is gleefully fat shaming his body dysmorphic mother. Peak menacing level achieved
I am not familiar with American rank badges, but isn’t the visiting “general” a….First lieutenant? Captain? With that white hair, he probably rose through the ranks, which makes him an exceptional soldier?
Anyway, shouldn’t Sarge and Otto be saluting him, even if they’re, understandably, too contemptuous of Halftrack to bother?
BB: Looks like Camp Swampy got a new… *squints at badly drawn rank insignia* captain! Farewell, previous captain… *checks Wikipedia* Sam Scabbard! Sorry you got court martialed or fragged or whatever!
Dustin: It’s a shame Dustin’s blowing this opportunity, like he blows every opportunity, because a woman who carries a martini glass in her cleavage at parties seems like she’d be quite the catch.
Dustin is at a bar and is drinking… a glass of water?
Yep, that’s totally on brand here.
I wouldn’t even say that Dustin is being a designated driver, he’s just that lame.
BB: Camp Swampy would have been shut down for its weirdness years ago, but it’s like Brigadoon; only visible to the real world occasionally. Gives them time to dispose of the visitors who do wander in.
MW: It’s like a children’s rhyme;
“Dirk and Dawn and Jess and Jared
Went skipping up a hill,
Dirk knocked everyone down to get to the top
first, then gloated like an obnoxious ape.”
OK, so it’s free verse.
RMMD: “All these women did was watch TV and eat ice cream. Can you imagine anything more boring?”
BB:
Shouldn’t the fact that the dog is bipedal be more shocking than that it is wearing people’s clothes?
FC: Jeffy gives his dad a Turing test. Bil stares blankly and then answers; “That’s what she says.”
Blondie: Hey, anyone remember the three-hour post-apaocalyptic Kevin Costner film The Postman ? Yeah, neither do I, but from now on I’m going to assume it’s this.
BB: With Otto, there was an episode of J.A.G where a mascot for a Navy base, a white bulldog, got loose and did the dirty with a dog in a nearby neighbourhood. And the owner complained.
But this dog was a honorary naval officer, literally even had a rank. So the dog was going to be court-martialed and Sarah had to defend him.
She couldn’t get over how stupid this case was, but regulations are regulations.
Just saying, at least that dog did NOT wear human clothes, because stupidity has to reach a limit somewhere.
MW: And now Dirk is the Kool-Aid Man.
LUANN: I’m not saying that the strip creators are getting bored with their own storyline, but I am absolutely saying that their decision to switch scenes to the outside of The Fuse, to avoid focusing on the characters the plot is supposed to be about and instead present us with the view of a half-open door,, does not indicate confidence in their storytelling abilities.
BB: This is the closest to whimsical that Beetle Bailey gets.
Seems like the juniors – Weber and Keane (who were the last two featured creators on Komics Kondom – coincidence?) – have teamed up for similar puzzlers. The melonhead asking how old someone was at his age follows yesterday’s Slylock conundrum of which weighs more – a pound of paper or a pound of metal. Perhaps the two juniors are actually the same person. Can Slylock solve that one?
Dustin: That’s not a pickup line. Dustin leads with “I got my haircut today” because he gets 10% off his next haircut for every new client he sends the shop’s way.
H&L: I hate her parents and she hates mine which would be a problem if we both didn’t hate our own parents. And don’t ask about our kids. Do you sell houses overseas?
@Ukranazi Stepan: Yep, you got it. That’s a Lieutenant.
Blondie: Yes Dagwood, your best friend Herb Woodley in addition to working at your company apparently has six other jobs to make ends meet. You should be thankful.
Dustin: Interesting to see the evolution of pick-up strategies, from flattery to ‘negging’ to ‘befuddlement’, i.e. just leading with non-sequiturs in the hopes of confusing a woman into giving you her number.
DtM: Oh my god, the random republishing of old Dennis the Menace comics has actually landed on something topical! This feels like a comic event on par with a total eclipse…!
BB: “For instance, notice how that fence behind us just disappeared between panels? yeah, I hardly notice that stuff anymore…”
@Mikey: Nah, they aren’t bored, just lazy. With their dollar-store Barbie poses and stiff, unexpressive faces, they’re incapable of depicting the emotions this supposedly dramatic, revelatory scene calls for. Doonesbury used to do it all the time, just have four panels of the establishing shot with dialogue over it.
By the way, if (IF, mind you!) this storyline actually gets out of the Fuse and back to Kip’s place before cutting away to Gunther and Les sitting on beanbag chairs in their garden shed, are we finally going to have it canonically confirmed that Tiffany is, in fact, a VIRGIN??? (TruFans everywhere gasp and faint)
Dennis the Menace: “Maybe I won’t stop eating,” thinks Alice, “but if I feed you nothing but this protein powder, it’s technically not starvation, right?” There’s more than one way to handle a tightening grocery budget!
Blondie: “In all these years, Mr. Bumstead, have you even noticed that I’m obviously your neighbor, Herb Woodley, in disguise?”
Dustin: Please tell me Dustin went to a bar and just asked for a glass of water. That’s so on-brand for him.
DTM: Perhaps the butcher in the background finds Dennis’ bon mot amusing. Or maybe he’s just thinking of cutting the child into pieces and selling him by the pound. Either could explain the smile.
BB: Did the mere sight of Otto cause that man’s hair to turn white with fright/shock?
Exactly what section of the supermarket is Dennis’ mom shopping in? It looks like the shelves hold syrup, detergent and vitamins. Looks like Dennis is going to be having dinner at the Wilsons’ tonight.
Blondie: We used to have a mail carrier who loved to stop and chat, at our door or if we crossed paths with her in the neighborhood. She loved our dogs and our son, who once took an old refrigerator box, wrote DANGER WILD ANIMAL INSIDE and hid in it to prank her. Sadly, she retired just before the holiday rush, and has been replaced by a grunting millennial with a beard. Thank you Julie, wherever you are!
Dustin keeps giving me 90’s vibes, possibly because I feel there’s something very 90’s about the idea that every twentysomethihg woman have incredibly high standards, or are able to instantly identify a complete loser with incredible accuracy.
Dustin: Not depicted: Dustin’s dad, pointing a gun at the redhead, forcing her to recite these lines, the better to humiliate his son yet again.
I wasn’t expecting Dennis the Menace to begin a critique of late stage capitalism. But if you’re not going to be funny, you need to find your new niche.
DtM — Meanwhile, the deli counter man at the Hungry Lumberjack is pleased to serve your cold cuts with a spatula!
Why does that smug butcher look like a train engineer? Is “Dennis the Menace” trying to imply that grocery store owners are the New Robber Barons?
People dress dogs up all the time, that shouldn’t shake you more than SEEING IT WALKING AROUND ON ITS HIND LEGS LIKE A HUMAN!
RMMD: It’s starting to sound like dialogue from Tropic Thunder:
Summer:- In a weird way, I had to sort of just free myself up to believe that it was okay to be stupid or dumb.
High School English Teacher:- To be a moron.
S:- Yeah.
HSET:- To be moronical.
S:- Exactly, to be a moron.
HSET:- An imbecile.
S:- Yeah.
HSET:- Like the dumbest motherfucker that ever lived.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: BB: Two bars = captain.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV:
BB—No that’s a captain- two silver bars. One gold bar is second lieutenant, one silver is first lieutenant and two silver is captain. Tomorrow we’ll discuss gold and silver oak leafs.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV:
No, he’s wearing a Captain’s insignia. Those two silver bars are joined. They’re informally known as railroad tracks.
Dustin: these 70s-looking fern bar scenarios may be the biggest disconnect from reality in this comic strip. If Dustin is even *trying* to approach women in bars in 2025, and manages to start conversations some of the time, he is *not* doing that badly! And he seems to know what he’s looking for: women you would find in fern bars in the 1970s. That redhead’s martini glass is so on point it’s almost self-parody. What I’m saying is, Dustin should at least stumble into an “I can fix him” type of woman every once in awhile.
Blondie: That postman (ok, yes I did look up the name Mr. Beasley on Wikipedia) seems really desperate for the human contact of Dagwood crashing into him.
Speaking of “I can fix him”, I also need to talk about today’s Mary Worth. So now we’re going to turn Dirk into a hypercompetitive jackass, when we already know he’s a hypercompetitive jackass from the rock climbing trip? And let me guess, this is going to be the more serious problem than all the textbook romantic abuse we’ve seen so far?
DtM: Dennis calling out price-gouging of essential commodities? Menacing, but necessary, comrade.
Dustin: The thing to keep in mind is that Dustin has a massive entitlement complex when it comes to women’s attention, so of course he sidles up to random ladies and tells them about his day with the assumption that they’d find this knowledge fascinating. And of course he deserves to be shot down by being mocked for a haircut that, like the rest of him, is absurdly mediocre.
JP: Bitch, bitch, bitch. Whine and complain. Piss and moan. Sam rues the moment he asked Gloria to come along, and now he’s trapped in snowy hell.
Frazz: Luckily for Caulfield, “Asshole Hour” runs 24/7.
RMMD: “Oh, so you’re one of them too. Just my luck. Well, it’s been nice chatting with you.” [slides down the bar to buy another woman a drink]
H&L: So he can’t stand her family and she can’t stand his family. I gotta feeling that the families won’t be trying very hard to find them anyway.
GT: Any idea who the hell Wolfe is? Jeez, what a crappy strip.
The walking dog is the least unusual and horrible thing about those polka dotted uniforms that hurt the soul, Captain.
C’shaft: I’m going to gently suggest that if you can’t even be bothered to write your old running gags, but instead just have the characters sit around and talk about your old running gags, it’s well past time to retire.
GT: That’s not the art; Gil is just that awkward at hugging.
Luann: Tiffany is about to just ditch her shift so she can flirt with a guy. But it’s okay, because she’s a designated hero now.
Pluggers are writers, apparently.
RMMD: The nerve of some women! Absorbing a lifetime of social pressure telling them that marriage and motherhood are markers of their value, only to find out that spending the best years of their life taking care of others has left them empty and hollow. How are they going to get a man like that?
SH: I’m a little confused by the rules governing shape-shifting in this universe. Merpeople can only take human form for twelve hours, but humans can become merpeople for weeks on end. The mongoose and snake lab assistants can be human whenever they want, but the cat-human hybrid lady is limited to certain times which hilariously conflict with her double life. Is this like a Roger Rabbit “only when it’s funny” principle?
The bars in today’s Beetle Bailey are horizontal – that’s no Army Captain, that’s a Navy Commander. Finally, the Pentagon has noticed the waste and fraud at Camp Swampy and tried to close it. Sadly, the local Senator fought back and, in a compromise, Swampy has been combined with the local Navy base. Tomorrow, stay tuned for the new adventures of Beetle Bailey in Joint Base Swampy-Sinky, and see how Beetle manages to sink a Trident-class submarine with lazy sabotage.
@Cleveland Mocks: In a hilarious twist, Ann’s innocence is proven but now Sam is facing charges of beating Gloria and leaving her for dead in the woods.
Blondie: This is one of the vanishingly few Blondie strips that made me laugh. It goes to show that it isn’t the actual premise and such that’s at fault for most of these comics not being good. I mean, the idea of a guy having to deal with constant drama queen behavior from his fucking mailman is ripe for comedy. But this comic almost never does anything legitimately amusing with the concept despite how easy it would be to do so because of how hyper-risk averse newspaper comics like it are.
Dustin: That redhead lady better be nice to Dustin or he’ll take her eye out with his woodpecker nose.
Dennis The Menace: Holy shit, an actual menacing moment from Dennis. All but directly calling his mom a fatass is the kind of thing you’d never expect from modern milquetoast Dennis.
Beetle Bailey: The visiting general smiles awkwardly and nods at Halftrack’s comment whilst making mental notes to recommend this base be shut down and all of it’s occupants dishonorably discharged.
DTM – This commentary veers out of Menacing and dangerously close to Pluggers wisdom. I mean, it’s like he’s already figured out that life is a game he’s not interested in playing, and he’s chosen to go full “Get Off My Lawn”.
It’s kind of depressing.
Which makes me wonder how many of the comic strip characters would benefit from a prescription of Prozac, or similar.
Off the top of my head: the entire Gilthorpiverse, Rex Morgan and friends, Marvin and family, Any Tom Batiuk character, most of Sally Forth, Tiffany from Luann, Bernice from Luann. Thursty from Hi and Lois, General Halftrack, and Herb from Blondie.
“and all of it’s occupants dishonorably discharged”
I thought that you were going to say, “taken in by the government for experimentation while they nuke what’s left of the base.”
@TheDiva: I admit that all three of his comics are confusing, self–contradictory garbage, but at the same time, I “kind of” respect him for writing at least three comics, non-stop for the last few decades.
(I heard that he’s never even taken a vacation)
Although that falls into quantity over quality.
GT: Sure, it’s easy to rag on the art, but don’t forget the writing.
”Thanks for coming, Wolfe. I’ll go get a pop.”
”You do that, Coach. I think the morphine cabinet is just down the hall. Grab one for me, too.”
9CL: The twins are little again. They are naked. There is a body of water. Something is just not right. Is it me or Brooke?
Blondie – A proper thank you should include a vigorous motorboating….
Dustin – Next time, just save the greasy kids stuff for wanking….
DtM – The Rosecrutians and Illuminati have deemed it so….
BB – He’s our most effective recruit….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
MW: OH YEAH
If anyone ever attempted a live-action version of Beetle Bailey, the CGI version of Otto would be horrifying.
I just realized that Dustin’s hair isn’t drawn that way because of lighting effects. It’s bleached on top. He looks like this.
The Family Circus Spanish to English.
Dustin-I’m surprised Dustin hasn’t turned into a serial killer of prostitutes yet.
RMMD-“Then our conversation ends here.”
@Tonio: I’m surprised that they haven’t yet. So many newspaper comics getting movie adaptations, most of which suck but they keep making them.
@The Rambling Otter:
@The Rambling Otter:
@Joe Blevins: Great minds think alike I guess :3
@Tonio: #53:
@The Rambling Otter: #57:
Beetle Bailey was created in the early 50s. If the strip had been around during WW2 there definitely would have been a live action movie. Hell, even Snuffy Smith got a wartime flagwaver, Hillbilly Blitzkrieg.
DT: After all of this plot dragging we’d better have Totten Jr. plummet to his death from atop the clocktower. Bonus points if he’s impaled on a flagpole as a nostalgic fan-service tribute to The Brow.
@Lord Flatulence: @Unca Bob: @Cleveland Mocks: Three corrections at once! I should screw up more often, just for the engagement. The dumb thing is, I actually went and looked up, went “That’s a Captain, actually” then came back and wrote the wrong answer. Gotta give the Adderall more time to kick in! Anyway, thanks for keeping me straight.
FC – Thel heads for the spare room, where she stowed that bottle of gin in the ceiling light fixture.
JP – She didn’t mention it back in October because Marciuliano didn’t think of it until last week.
6Chix – I’ll say one thing for Tuesday Chick, she can take any incomprehensible, unfunny premise and run it into the ground.
Arlo & Janis – Goodness!
Goodness has nothing to do with it.
DtM While the bored suburban mother with the chatty kid glumly stared at the shelves full of ever-shrinking packaged products, Hank the Hunky Butcher slowly rotated his trusty spatula, imaging the mother coming back around 7 p.m. for the market’s “closing time special…”
“Ox not want to do threesome with Tiffany and jock friend.”
I’ve figured out why Pibgorn hasn’t been updated she’s hiding in today’s NYT Threads puzzle (it’s kind of like a word search with a theme). Today’s theme is fairy folk and the word Pibgorn is hidden in the puzzle. Alas, the puzzle doesn’t recognize the word.
@WesCCov: At least a faucet and one water control manifested out of the Void.
Dennis the Menace: The butcher at this old-timey supermarket is holding the only thing more menacing than a meat cleaver — a dark plastic spatula, which a recent study found may leach out unacceptable levels of toxic chemicals. Of course, since Alice’s cart is full of nothing but cans and boxes of highly processed foods (including the jar of “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Mayo” she’s holding), we can assume that a few more unhealthy substances in Dennis’ diet won’t affect his hyperactivity one way or another.
Beetle Bailey: “Is that a dog in a uniform?” “Yes.” “Weird! And what about the little guy next to him?”
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV:
@Lord Flatulence: @Unca Bob: @Cleveland Mocks: Three corrections at once! I should screw up more often, just for the engagement. The dumb thing is, I actually went and looked up, went “That’s a Captain, actually” then came back and wrote the wrong answer. Gotta give the Adderall more time to kick in! Anyway, thanks for keeping me straight.
The rare Triple Pedant Pounce!
Good job, everybody!
MW has learned the two most important things about bowling: Loudly cheer on your friend while in their motion, and aim the ball straight down the lane at the headpin.
GT offers a pro-tip: If you don’t know how to draw two people hugging, arrange your Barbie and Ken dolls and trace the photo.
DtM: Y’know, I had a screamingly funny post half-composed in my head about the background butcher and his weird spatula* and was already patting myself on the back for even noticing him back there, and it turns out we ALL saw him.
*it involved freshly made flapjacks
Blondie – The mail carriers union just rejected their recent contract offer from the USPS, so it’s understandable that after a subpar offer from the bosses, Mr. Beasley is looking for some appreciation for the work he provides.
Dustin – The setting is anachronistic, but it’s better than seeing this conversation played out over dating app messages
Dennis the Menace – Warning: The guy behind the meat counter is NOT THE BUTCHER. He’s just a creep who cosplays as a butcher and excellent barbecuer to lure housewives unhappy with their husbands with the appearance of a manly provider. Most grocery stores in the state have banned him.
Little does he know when he is invited to the Mitchell’s home, it’s not to engage in some cuckold fantasy, but to have Dennis blab some intentionally overheard gossip to both humiliate him and engage in the Mitchell’s own embarrassment fetish. The experience will menace him more than all those restraining orders and paternity suits he has against him.
Beetle Bailey – Visiting officers at Camp Swampy engage in their own version of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” because no one wants to file that amount of paperwork with the Inspector General.
LUANN: Tifanny: “Ox! I have to get back to work. Would you mind covering my date with Kip? Just give him a little ‘after
BB: Ok, we’ve established that the new officer is a captain, by the bars on his shoulders, but why is he wearing a general officer’s hat?
You picked up the only item of that type left on the shelf, Alice. Of course the capitalist swine of a grocery store has raised the price.
Beetle Bailey Spanish to English
@Guillermo el chiclero: Because the people who read this blog actually think about how the actual military works, unlike the creators of the strip.
MARY WORTH: Dirk overwhelms everyone with his hyperahressive studliness. Why, even the bowling ball is intimidated by alpha male Dirk and tripled it’s velocity in panel #2 just based on him glowering at it a little (or, given that the pins are somehow about to be knocked out of their lane, he just did things “the manly way” and fired that sucker from a cannon.)
Based on the rank discussion here regarding Beetle Bailey, I’m going to guess that visitors to Camp Swampy just grab their insignia from a bin at the front gate.
BLONDIE: That mail carrier is miffed because Dagwood missed all the signs of the obvious porn scenario he was trying to initiate (“And I was going to ask him to give me a ‘large package.’ I was even going to have it ‘gift-wrapped‘ because I believe in doing things, safely. What a waste!”)
Crank: I’m not going to do a websearch on whether trombones would actually float. I’m just not. I refuse to give this “joke” the diginty of even finding it worth fact-checking.
(Five minutes later) Okay, this does not appear to be a question anybody has ever asked before. But working it out from first principles, brass is obviously heavier than water but a trombone, much like Harry Dinkle’s head, is hollow, so it’s mostly air. Thankfully, before I started doing the calculations for that, I realised that a trombone isn’t sealed, so in a monsoon it’s probably best understood as a brass container of water rather than air. So my guess is it would sink like a stone, and Batty’s a hack.
Phantom: As I said before, I’ve previously been under the impression that Original Stripey was cabin-boy-aged when his father was killed by pirates, and honestly, the whole “lone survivor” bit makes a lot more sense that way. It’s reasonable for a kid on a ship, even a brave one, to not actually be part of the fight with the pirates, and it’s even reasonable to think the pirates might balk at killing him. I have a harder time with the idea of bold Kit at the front of the fray, hacking down pirates left and right, until the pirate captain announces “Right, lads, we’ve got what we came for, fight’s over,” and they just return to their ship, which is very much what it looks like happened here. Did a couple of pirates sacrifice themselves to hold Kit off while the others fled, or did Kit respect that the melee was officially over as well?
Pluggers: Fun fact: Many people who have this issue, and start keeping a notepad beside the bed so they can write the ideas down as soon as they have them, quickly discover that most of the ideas were actually borderline gibberish that only sounds good when you’re at least half-asleep. (I once dreamt a brilliant idea for a Doctor Who fanfic, and on waking quickly realised that not only was the plot completely incoherent, but none the clever Whoniverse references in it actually referred to real stories; my subconcious had just made them up and told me they were Whoniverse references.)
DENNIS THE MENACE: Oops. Dennis forgot he was supposed to be blaming this on “wokeness” or whatever. Expect the strip to be cancelled by a tyrannical small-minded technocrat and his bloated dim-witted puppet sometime soon.
Pearls Before Swine: A comic for Scratchy.
@Mikey: LUANN: I’m not saying that the strip creators are getting bored with their own storyline, but I am absolutely saying that their decision to switch scenes to the outside of The Fuse, to avoid focusing on the characters the plot is supposed to be about and instead present us with the view of a half-open door,, does not indicate confidence in their storytelling abilities.
It’s the Mary Worth school of storytelling where half your strip space each day gets devoted to an exterior establishing shot. At least there’s no window eels.
B. Bailey: The general incompetence surrounding Camp Swampy can be excused when you realize that The Thing from Another Planet has successfully assimilated the entire base but doesn’t really know what soldiers (or pets) really do.
Fifty years ago Blondie sought Dagwood’s permission to buy a new dress, and there were concerns about Social Security fund shortfalls. Quincy makes a joke about “women’s libbers.” Ann Landers praised a letter from “In the Know” denouncing “extremely selfish” girls who will not have sex with their boyfriends before marriage.
Sluggo paid a visit to the hospital and there were stories that Soviet leader Brezhnev was ill.
Kerry Drake uttered the immortal line “We’ve got to warn Sunny that Zipper may have killed Bill Bullet! Call her at the newspaper, Happy!” Kerry’s call to Miss Day reached a recording.
Tomorrow, when Dawn misses the 7-10 split, I wonder what “colorful” onomatopoeias will replace the big orange CRASH of today…
And in a few days, Caulfield– who is suddenly too stupid to understand what happy hour is– will reference the Riemann Hypothesis to put down people who buy lattes.
9CL: Does Brooke miss having spontaneous erections? This week’s installments lead me to say yes
DtM: Dennis demonstrates how to be economical in your shopping by eating the packaging before they leave the store.
“If you think THAT’S weird, my shapely secretary has been known to transform into a poodle prostitute and service Otto while in canine form. We’re not sure why or how, Otto tends to maul the researchers trying to find the answer, so just to be on the safe side, just drink bottled water while in camp.”
BB: The other officer was supposed to be a colonel, but nobody on the creative team could draw an eagle that tiny, so they just made his insignia a straight bar. “Naw, it’ll be al right. No one will notice.”
DtM: See, here’s an ancillary benefit to being a Comic Curmudgeon: we’ve all learned to scan the corners and backgrounds of the comic to notice the items most people will skip. Example: Today’s Dennis the Menace, with everyone actually noticing the the background butcher/ deli worker / handsome hunk in the background, almost even more than Dennis and Mom (though Mom is thinking about the hunky guy, too).
Dustin: I get the general dislike of the family but fail to see where Dustin is an entitled incel/serial killer as is often claimed here. I’m long out of the dating world but is talking to someone at a bar considered out-of-bounds? I have not seen him pull the nice guy card or claim that the women that shoot him down are to blame for anything. Incels AFAIK are shut-ins who feel they’re owed supermodels for being good at the 4chan or whatever the kids are into these days.
Blondie: Beasley’s dissatisfaction is noted, if needy. Thing is he should know by now that Dagwood will only show that kind of appreciation for people who bring him sandwiches, not bills.
Dustin: Killer opening line. Don’t give up on it, maybe it’ll work the next time.
Phantom: Ok, so this guy is the daddy of the Phantom with the billowing pantaloons in the Sunday adventure.
In the 1960s King Features produced their own TV cartoons on the cheap. Most were the Bad Popeyes discerning children despised (with Brutus instead of Bluto), but they also reduced Snuffy Smith, Krazy Kat, and the still faintly reality-based Beetle Bailey to the same level. I mention this because Otto was in the Beetle cartoons, walking on all fours and wearing a sort of girdle with sergeant’s stripes on it.
The Snuffys were pre-Tater, with Barney Google listed on the title card (contractual obligation?) and sometimes present in the cartoon, with Spark Plug in residence. The Krazys were based on the then hard-to-find-anywhere George Herriman eccentric classic, NOT the 1930s theatrical toons that turned him into a Mickey Mouse knockoff. Krazy was presented as female, and Herriman’s singular sensibilities were tamped down to generic sub-HB. At the time the strip Beetle Bailey still had at least a foot in the reality, but the animated Beetles were just kind of … like the strip now, but pre-Buxley.
I knew you’d all want to know.
C-Shaft: Why were the instruments just sitting out there on their lonesome anyway? Did the band suddenly get raptured?
DT: Ironic that the retro Nazi villain is now playing Moe in a gender mixed Three Stooges act.
H&L: While the husband is talking it looks like the wife is checking out Lois’s boobs and frowning in dismay. Hey lady, not everything in life is a competition.
JP: In answer to Gloria’s second question, Ann didn’t bring up the drone in October because Ces hadn’t thought of it yet. But she should be aware that dragging up things about the plot that don’t make sense is treading on dangerous ground. She and everyone she knows are—at the end of the day—nothing but a pack of cards.
Luann: Boy will Tiff’s face be red when it turns out Kip means, “After that I can show you my collection of Naruto fanart.”
MW: If Dirk’s mad bowling skillz aren’t a metaphor for sex none of this makes any sense at all.
Phantom: Remarkably clean bodies. If it weren’t for the narration boxes I’d think everyone was passed out drunk and Kit Classic was the last one still on his feet, just barely.
RMMD: “Then there was one who hadn’t been married or had kids but still had no sense of self. Her dad wrote some advice column called ‘Ask Wendy.’ Yeah, it was a bad scene.”
Luann/JP: This would have been more amusing if Randy and Ann were talking in the Fuse rather than in prison, with Alan yelling at Randy to take Table 14.
Phantom: The Singh Brotherhood had all those men, yet they couldn’t take down OG Kit?
S4th: Grandma’s friends are going to say something that shouldn’t be said out loud and the kid’s going to hear it. Ces is just itching to hit that reset button. He must be getting lessons from FOOB and Liz’ failed relationships, forcing Granthony.
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@Artist formerly known as Ben: C-Shaft: Why were the instruments just sitting out there on their lonesome anyway? Did the band suddenly get raptured?
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Old Fred pressed the panic button as the Yellow Submarine passed through The Sea Of Crankshaft, when Young Fred had to avoid a pair of Kinky Boot Beasts. It’s all in the mind.
@matt w:
#54. DUSTIN:. Thanks for credibly explaining his hair weirdness. I thought he had gone bald on top and was wearing a toupee (like that guy in FW)
MW:. I’m even beginning to dislike skimming strips in which the D appears
LUANN:. Identifying with this one. Not as Tiff or Kip but as Ox. Hope he too learns to say “sorry, no, I can’t. Not sorry.”
MW: Why is Dirk selling cars? Why isn’t he in something that uses his physique, like pro-wrestling or film stunts? I could see him possibly playing Rictus Erectus in FURY ROAD except that Rictus had a far more charming personality and I don’t think Dirk could even fake that.
Dustbin’s complete pick up line is “I just got a hair cut, wanna come back to my place, and see if you can pick out which one I got cut?” (After the girl is at his place, he pulls down his pants) ” I never said it was on my head.” (has he earned our disgust yet?)
Phantom: I’m used to
enjoyingtolerating either the weekday story or the Sunday story, but this back-to-back history lesson is pretty hard to take. Can’t we have a month or two of Captain Savarna trying on exciting underwear?