Soapy Sunday
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Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/13/25
Oh, a thing I forgot to tell you about that happened in Rex Morgan, M.D., is that Summer managed to track down other people her stalker had stalked, and messaged one of them on Facebook while Augie was checking the perimeter. Apparently that lady, “Debra,” is dead (from … stalking?) or at least no longer in charge of her phone, and her … widower? … has it, and he got the message, which led him across town to confront the stalker … with a gun. A gun that shoots booze and pills straight into your bloodstream, I guess!
Mary Worth, 4/13/25
Hey, remember that time that Wilbur was having a fantasy about being a superhero, but actually he was having a series of wacky, clumsy misadventures while lost in his fantasy, but actually he saved a guy from getting killed, so maybe the superhero thing wasn’t a fantasy, after all? Well, I guess we’re seeing something similar here, with Wilbur saving Dawn from that poisoned tea in the process of reaching across the table for no readily apparently reason. Unless … he knows that the tea is poisoned, and just hasn’t said anything because he’s hoping to get laid a couple times before he calls the cops on his murderous paramour? I think we may have found a way for Wilbur to go Too Far, and I dread the consequences.
Dick Tracy, 4/13/25
Sorry, I misspoke Thursday, that guy with the flattop isn’t a cop; he has a much higher calling, as an insurance investigator, and he and the dentist are going to crack this case wide open. Imagine thinking you could disguise a corpse by simulating someone else’s dental work in a superficial way, without taking into account the natural wear and tear that occurs over time! It makes this good doctor furious, and he’s showing his anger by baring his teeth — his beautiful, beautiful teeth — as is custom among his people.
The Phantom, 4/13/25
Speaking of customs among the people, it seems our Wambesi city kid has gone straight from never looking down on the old ways to hopping straight over Chesterton’s fence into the Forbidden Zone. Sure, it’s not permitted for you to go in that direction, rube, but Nia has a metal detector and a shirt from the Gap. She’s going to be fine! Stop complaining!
154 replies to “Soapy Sunday”
“So, Dawn, what are you studying?”
“Well, Belle, I am taking liberal art, because I want to become a journalist like my father. I might even take over his column ‘I shouldn’t be alive… but I am!’”
“Ahahah, I am not sure about the last part!”
Moy seems to misunderstand something. While I have nothing but contempt for Dawn, I don’t particularly want her to die or to suffer. I want her to go away, I’m not waiting for retribution. Wilbur, on the other hand…
Finally, learning Keanu Reeves’ moves pays off.
RMMD-One of these people in the crowd is not like the other. One of these people is the killer.
Slylock Fox-Who knew that Shady Shrew was in the closet.
MW-Wilbur knows what’s going on.
FC-That’s only one son. Where are the other two?
RMMD:
“That’s the objective ‘him’ rather than the nominative ‘he.’ “
DT: If you’re going to steal your plots, steal from the best – in this case, Dorothy L. Sayers’ “In the Teeth of the Evidence”.
Phantom:
“This’ll get ’em back here! — ‘ollie, ollie, oxen free!’ “
So, what’s next in Whacky Mary Worth Murder Attempts? Belle tries to garrote Dawn, but is foiled because Wilbur accidentally tied a couple of knots into the lace she’s using? Hahaha, oh that Wilbur! Belle tries to stab Dawn, but Wilbur broke the knife tip trying to open a recalcitrant jar of mayo? Belle racks the slide on her sawed- off 12-gauge, only to find that Wilbur used the buckshot as fake gravel in his fish tank? Hahahaha. Sob.
RMMD: The would-be vigilante shows up to kill McStalkie only to find him already dead? After driving seven hundred miles and buying a fancy new gun, what a let down. There’s gotta be someone worth shooting in this town.
MW: As the tea eats a hole through the table, the truth strikes Wilbur. That furniture store sold him shoddy material! He’ll be demanding a refund tomorrow, dang it!
RMMD: I’m betting that’s Debra’s bereaved dad.
RMMD: Hey, Rex Morgan M.D.: I’m not here to body-shame anyone, but you know, when you do that kind of a flashback you can depict your characters in any number of scenarios that don’t include them hunched over in their underwear. Our mysterious man could have been in a diner, or or in his truck, or just, you know, in bed but with a shirt on? Maybe he’s just a guy who sleeps in a shirt, you know?
MW: Speaking of choices, are we quoting slavery-enthusiast John C Calhoun to make a point about adversaries? I feel like you could have scrolled a little further down that brainyquotes page, Mary Worth.
DT: I like how that guy in the throwaway panels looks less like a distracted driver than some dude updating his score on his vehicular assault app.
MW: “Beware the Wrath of a Patient Adversary” Rex Morgan has that hanging in his office.
RMMD:
“Omigosh. I was so eager to confront this guy that I forgot to put my pants on before I left the house. Now what do I do???”
RMMD:
From the looks of her facial expression, Loretta Young — on the far right of the first frame — seems none too pleased to be in it.
RMMD – Huh – Alan Arkin is doing F-250 ads….
MW – You know, Wilbur – sometimes going with the quicker picker-upper isn’t the best choice….
DT – Crimestoppers Textbook – Neglected impacted wisdom teeth have driven many a good gorilla to crime….
Phantom – I hope we find a grave to loot!
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Belle tips her hand by saying she found clove and cinnamon in Wilbur’s kitchen – two spices that would NEVER be used in a sandwich!
RMMD:
“I’m just like…crosstown traffic,” warbles the gun-toting, Hendrix-worshipping stranger as he pulls up next to Chinbeard in front of Summer’s house.
DT: “No conversation or text message is more important than your life. The life of the guy you hit? Well…use your own judgment. Priorities I guess is what I’m saying here.”
Phantom:
“It’s a shame we didn’t get our vaccinations, Nia! — as you can see from today’s first panel, we all have yellow fever!”
WTF in Mary Worth? If Belle had succeeded in her nefarious plan of poisoning Dawn, what’s the exit strategy? Belle made the tea. Dawn would shriek and collapse instantly on ingesting Clog No More or whatever it was. Wilbur is SITTING RIGHT THERE. Even a putz like Wilbur would (a) call an ambulance, (b) call the cops, (c) finger Belle (no, not in THAT way, porno-brain!). What’s her defense? Clog No More rained down from heaven? This woman is dumb as a sack of hammers.
It’s hard to believe Wilbur isn’t onto Belle cause what other reason would he have to reach across the table that has nothing on it but this modestly sized teacup that would be hard to knock over even in the middle of a busy meal. Or how he could manage to stumble onto the table while he’s standing still. Indeed it seems to blatant I think he wants Belle to know he knows. To add some paranoia/animosity/blackmail/maybe knife fighting spice to that freaky sex he’s planning to regale Dawn with later.
MW:
“Now run along to bed, Dawn! — it’s been a long day for you. And don’t worry if you hear any noises — it’ll just be Belle and me here moving furniture!”
MW: “After Belle apologizes, she makes tea laced with poison for Dawn”
I get the idea narration box doesn’t much care for Dawn. The word “poison” isn’t even in bold, let alone italicized.
RMMD: Why is he here – to get some filler for those marionette lines, I would assume.
[gearing up to do my thing] JOHN C. CALHOUN??????
As with the Marc Andreesen quote, busted ah crap I have to do an archive search to see where the exact wording first shows up don’t I.
The Phantom: This is giving similar vibes, to a novel I read, based on the “Myst” franchise. Atrus meets up with his long-lost asshole father who teaches him his peoples’ long lost ability to write descriptions of worlds within books, and being able to enter those worlds. Atrus uses this ability solely for studying and adventuring purposes, while his father uses it to play God.
While inside one of his father’s worlds, Atrus convinces the townspeople to go outside the world’s border, solely out of curiousity.
This causes the world to completely break down with torrential storms and earthquakes. And back outside of the book, when Atrus begs his father to save the people, his father callously tosses the book into a fire.
MW: As everyone before me has pointed out, Wilbur is clearly in on this plot. So let me just ask, why is Dawn disappointed in that final panel? She didn’t want to drink it to begin with.
I will say I am pleasantly surprised that we didn’t spend a full two weeks seeing whether or not Dawn would drink drain cleaner.
@MKay: RMMD: that’s my thinking too. Augie will now be charged with murder.
MW: at some point FBI agents will show up with a warrant for Belle’s arrest in connection with a series of murders in every city where Megacorp does business.
MW: Stay tuned for more adventures of Incidental Man!
RMMD: Ford passed on the product placement in this strip… for some reason.
Wilbur has catlike reflexes, in that when he sees cups on a table, he has an uncontrollable urge to swat them off
@Lauralot: Dawn isn’t so much disappointed as she is just a mopey sadsack
@SideshowJon: In fairness to her, I would also be a mopey sadsack if I were a Weston.
It’s weird, Dawn has no redeeming qualities, but unlike her father, I don’t wish to see her suffer. Maybe I just feel sympathy because somehow Wilbur is her good parent. Or maybe I’m more lenient with her because she’s a young college student and college students do tend toward self-centered ridiculous antics, it’s part of maturing.
Or it could just be because Dawn is one of the very very few characters who is occasionally allowed to have a brain cell.
FC: That family trip to Los Alamos paid off!
Dustin: Oh, Ed, no one is around to hear these “clever” euphemisms. Also, no one would care.
@Lauralot: No, wait, I remember now. Dawn used to be cool. She would address her father as “Wilbur” and warn women away from him. And for that, she will forever have the benefit of my doubt I guess.
@Amelie Wikström: RMMD: Agreed, this is more out of nowhere than Dawn’s toddler-level food spillage appearing and disappearing just for the Dirk plot. Instead of having Wilbur gaze expectantly in the previous panel, have him say “that smells so good, let me get a closer sniff”
(I can’t believe I apparently put more effort into soap comics plotting before my morning coffee than the authors ever do)
oops, MW, of course. And I refuse to believe clove and cinnamon can cover up the scent of knockoff-Drano. The “pumpkin spice everywhere” trend has gone far – to deodorants and dog food – but it still isn’t an option for Drain Gobbler products
MW – Tough luck, Belle. Does Dawn play the xylophone? You could rig it up to explode when she plays “Those Endearing Young Charms.” That trick ALWAYS works!
@Hibbleton: Good one!
RMMD – “One drive across town later” is the greatest narration since Monty Python’s “One slice of strawberry tart without so much rat in it later.”
“Beware the wrath of a patient man” shows up near-simultaneously three times in 1887, described a couple times as an “ancient saying” or summat, which probably means a common source I’m not seeing. In “Our Book,” 1889, Washington Frothingham has “Beware of the wrath of a patient man” with a correct attribution to Dryden, though as that wikiquote entry observes the wording is slightly off–the original was “beware the fury of a patient man.”
“Beware of the wrath of a patient man” itself shows up first in John Wesley’s “A calm address to the inhabitants of England,” 1777, where he’s calling on them to fight back against the colonies, so at least there’s a theme here of America’s enemies. Extra raspberry to Wesley for saying “where these bawlers for Liberty govern, there is the vilest Slavery” and meaning that Congress didn’t respect British property rights, instead of actual literal vile slavery.
“Beware the wrath of a patient adversary” doesn’t show up until one of those “treasuries of wit an wisdom” in 2006, nor can I find any previous association of “the wrath of a patient” with Calhoun. No brainyquote has ever been so busted.
MW — Judging from history, John C. Calhoun failed to follow his own advice. And Belle doesn’t seem all that patient to me.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Thanks again for letting me dig”
“I’m in love, Polonio! Our new neighbor wears fishnet stockings every day!”
“I understand you worship the ground she walks on, sir”
“But I really think you should build your shrine somewhere other than the front hall”
Luann: Dammit, Bernice! Luann was going to pay her share of the electric bill with that money! Also, who plans to see something called “Atomic Llama” expecting high art and has those notions shattered by Debbie Downer?
CS: I definitely wouldn’t use that information to relentlessly hammer Dinkle with band and rain puns. {Whistles innocently}
9CL: Alistair and his father-in-law have something in common. OK, yeah, it’s a feature of 99% of the men in this strip.
@Twinkles the Elf:
WTF in Mary Worth? If Belle had succeeded in her nefarious plan of poisoning Dawn, what’s the exit strategy?
Dawn’s poisoning is a crime of opportunity. Wilbur’s murder has been carefully planned.
MW: How many times is Moy going to resort to “someone spilling something” as a plot device? Wilbur didn’t even have an excuse this time, like being soused, or initating Keanu Reeves in The Matrix. He just flat-out knocked that shit over deliberately, with no reason behind it.
This is so dumb, I’m not even amused by Batts Belfrey making her most batshit-crazyface yet in P4.
Look at Wilbur’s greedy eyes in the bottom left panel; he wants that tea for himself.
If Belle devotes all her time to killing Dawn, Wilbur is going to feel neglected.
MW: “Let the wrath of an impatient adversary play out for the yuks.”
Luann – I gotta side with Inner Beauty here. What a twatwaffle Bernice is. That would really piss me off. And this is as serious as I’ll ever get about this terrible comic strip.
Dick Tracy: I never thought I’d say this, but let Lt. Walter Reimer cook.
Rex Morgan: Wait, so is Stalker Dude, like, a serial killer or something? Or is he just a serial stalker? Is serial stalking even a thing? This is all incredibly bizarre.
Mary Worth: Wilbur’s entire life is one comical klutz movement after another.
Dick Tracy: While Dick and his pals are obsessively studying a dead guy’s teeth, this redhead dude is out there mowing down pedestrians because of how engrossed he is in his phone. Priorities, guys!
The Phantom: The super-abrupt cut from the kids wandering around to a search party looking for them is unironically kinda hilarious.
@CanuckDownSouth: reluctanctly defending Mary Worth here–wasn’t the toddler-level food spillage because she wasn’t wearing contacts or glasses, due to Dirk’s emotional abuse? Or is the problem that she stopped spilling things without getting the corrective lenses back? And re @Lauralot, I do find “I didn’t want this drink and now that I have it I’m sad it got spilled” relatable oh no did I just find a Weston relatable that’s bad.
@ectojazzmage: I don’t know about Serial stalking, but Cereal stalking is when you chase down Leprechauns to get their lucky charms. “They’re magically delicious!”
@Twinkles the Elf: Look at her face in the panel just before Wilbur blunders over to the table. She’s the Joker. She has no plan, she just wants to cause random death and destruction. Granted, simple Dran-o poisoning isn’t suitably theatrical for her. Where’s her supply of Smilex? Did she at least bring a crowbar to beath Wilbur to death with?
MW: is it possible Wilbur spilled the tea because he’s suspects something is wrong?
MW: I feel like no one will get any sleep until Belle accomplishes what she started out to do. Is this still the same day, the day Belle arrived? I have l lost all track of time, like a prisoner in a cell with the lights on 24/7, beginning to hallucinate.
I’m just going to say it. “Hami” is a perfectly fine name except when you should it in all caps and in print, because then it just looks like you really want ham.
@Lauralot: My sympathies are with Dawn just because the comic’s isn’t, unlike Wilbur. Like here’s Dawn going “I guess I’ll put up with this insufferable woman a while longer to help dad get laid” where any reasonable person would probably be more like “hey Belle have you heard the funny story about when dad let us think he was dead for a week to amuse himself?”
MW – I can’t even with that quote box. John C Calhoun was such a terrible person that the lake here that used to be named for him was renamed Bde Maka Ska.
Phantom: They had softly and suddenly vanished away/For the Snark was a Boojum, you see.
BF: I am offended by the statement that Blonde Friend is “wasting time” by rewatching her movie. She might be doing a close an@lysis of a classic of Canadian film history, like….uh….Strange Brew.
@matt w: Thanks for talking about that, it’s pretty interesting, and also I had missed the quote in the comic. It sure adds a new layer to the Belle plot, assuming it’s not actually hinting at the theory where Wilbur is onto her and he’s the patient adversary in question. Apparently after having thinking of nothing but murder since she met Dawn, waiting the whole evening to follow through makes her “patient.” Well, it adds a new layer to understanding the level of plotting Karen Moy operates to anyway.
MW: What is it about Granny and her special recipes?
My first impression re Wilbur spilling the tea is that it was inexplicably deliberate or that he suspected something — but why?
MW: What does “beware the wrath of a patient man” even refer to in this story? Belle hasn’t shown any wrath, can’t be patiently waited on because Dawn just met her a couple hours ago, and isn’t a man. Is this a clue that Wilbur is the actual killer? On top of distracting Dawn from the poisoned tea and pressuring her into drinking it, I mean.
After over eighty years, Yale in 2017 finally renamed the Calhoun residential college after Grace Hopper*, a USN Rear Admiral and leading computer boffin.
John C. Calhoun was born in South Carolina, went to Connecticut for his education, then returned to South Carolina. He stayed in South Carolina for the rest of his life, serving as US congressman, Secretary of War, and US Vice President. He is buried in Charleston, South Carolina. His only contact with Yale was earning his bachelor’s degree there. I have no idea why the university chose to honor him by naming a college after him, but I suspect racism had something to do with it.
*Admiral Doctor Hopper was a black lady. In your FACE, Johnny.
@richardf8: On top of that, I think Bde Maka Ska was the original name – or at least the pre-Lake Calhoun name until it was changed in 1820. A few years ago I took a picture of the lake and posted it on Facebook. One of my Facebook “friends” ranted about the name change. Another FB friend responded with, “I agree completely. It had a perfectly good name, and they should not have changed it in 1820.”
I agree that Moy could do better in picking quotes. What’s next? Bull Connor and Lester Maddox?
@matt w: I had honestly forgotten they’d tried to give the glasses as a reason for the food spillage, probably because it didn’t make a bit of sense to me. We have a mental map of where our body parts are and after that babyhood training can usually quite easily get a hand or spoon to our mouths blindfolded.
I can barely recognize faces at arm’s length without my glasses, but when I put down my fogged glasses after going out in the winter cold to see the kids off at the bus stop, I can still manage to pour and drink my coffee without spilling a drop thankyouverymuch. Heck, my legally blind brother-in-law almost never has a crumb fall off his plate, let alone a blob of ketchup from his burger.
MW: Oh come on, Karen! Belle is not a “patient adversary”–she’s been in town less than forty-eight hours and she’s already trying to poison Dawn. And not some kind of slow-acting, make-it-look-natural poison that can leech Dawn’s life away while Belle insists on staying in town to help Wilbur take care of his poor ailing daughter (and eventually, comfort him in his loss), but freaking drain cleaner that will eat through Dawn like her dad going through a sack of White Castles. The only instance in which she’s displayed patience is being willing to put up with Wilbur, which admittedly shows a great amount of restraint but isn’t exactly “adversarial,” unless this is a long game to get at his life insurance.
RMMD: So Overprotective (but in a good way, honest!) Husband was going to kill Goatee McStalker, but didn’t kill him because GMcS had already ODed by the time O(biagwh)H got his gun and drove over to Summer’s place? This strip keeps finding new and innovative ways for nothing to happen.
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: And how short a time since they picked Robert E. Lee?
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: “It had a perfectly good name, and they should not have changed it in 1820.”
This sounds like something a character in Pluggers would say.
@matt w: Patent opponents are certainly a drag, but pound for pound, you won’t find worse than a trademark lawyer.
Mary Worth: And by “fearing the consequences,” you mean that you’re nervous Wilbur actually gets laid, right?
MW: I could understand Belle wanting to get rid of relatives if the “prize” was anyone other than Wilbur. That’s like demanding to be first in line to swim in the sewage treatment tank. I imagine that’s a pretty short line, though.
I suppose Wilbur does have a modest amount of money. He can travel anywhere and never seems to work. That’s on the one hand. On the other hand is Wilbur.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: “What’s that? A patient opponent? Never mind…” </Emily Litella>
Phew, the stalker was already dead when our would-be vigilante got there. Damn it, Rex Morgan, M.D., that was too close for comfort. Things almost got exciting for a moment, and you know your demographic’s hearts can’t take that.
***
So now there is corrosive drain cleaner harmlessly splashed all over the kitchen where it will be cleaned up safely and unknowingly by someone using a paper towel in their bare hand. Wilbur’s buffoonery isn’t just a super power, it’s a friggin’ miracle.
DT: Good to see an appearance by Johnny Dollar, the man with action-packed expense account.
C’shaft: If you have to explain the joke, it’s not…actually, there’s no way this joke was going to be funny, explained or ortherwise.
Dustin: Now, here is an example of “patient adversity.” Dustmom is obsessed with healthy eating, yet somehow a large Bruce Bogtrotter-worthy chocolate cake is sitting out enticingly on the counter where her husband can see it. She knows how common these “willpower outages” are, and is waiting for time and artery plaque to do the rest.
Luann: Look, Luann, whatever you brother and sister-in-law were going to pay you to watch Shannon (a child they have no legal responsibility for but has been dumped on them by Toni’s brother, and who they dump on their relatives in turn) for three hours, I guarantee you it wasn’t enough.
Dick Tracy: Is this strip really just an ad for a national drugstore chain? “C’mon, folks, let’s be sure today’s Dick Tracy artwork really grosses out America — it should actually make ’em sick! If we can sell enough of those $7.23 generic ‘anti-nausea tablets’ to daily comics readers it’ll finally make up for all the business we’ve lost to Amazon!”
Mary Worth: The irony here is that Wilbur already has some detox tea that he bought off the recommendation of a hot 20-year-old on Instagram. It didn’t help him lose weight, but it gets rid of “clogs” even faster than Drano!
Dick Tracy: Judging by the tartar scraper in that guy’s hand, “Mr. Piltdown” is about to become Neo-Chicago’s corpse with the cleanest teeth.
Rex Morgan, M.D.: Willing to bet that bald dude will also turn out not to be responsible for Stalky Stalkerson’s death. If this were Luann, the comment section would already be ablaze with arguments about whether or not this is a misdirection play.
Can you find six things wrong with today’s Dick Tracy? Answers can be found here!
@Situation Normal: “Gram loved drain cleaners”
RMMD: I called it last week, well, kind of. I guessed that McStalker was offed by one of his former victims that Summer had contacted. Turns out it was a former victim’s dad, or husband, or close relation. Now for my Woody Woodpecker laugh of triumph. Ah-ah-ah-hahhh! Ah-ah-ah-hahhh!
This is a bit of a golden season for the soaps: Belle Batsfrey is a crazy-eyed serial killer, maybe going to take out both Westons, but Dawn gets a little artistic makeover to be a more realistic 20-something. Despite some of the best opportunities one could imagine, Augie in Rex Morgan fails to get lucky, but a thinly veiled Clint Eastwood has probably not assassinated Stalky McGoatee, either. Gil Thorp has a truly baffling ghost story, Judge Parker is starting on a Sophie arc, those are always rich, and something’s actually happening in The Phantom. Holy cow!
Given all this, why are newspapers’ online comics sections so fucking poorly done? My Washington Post subscription finally lapsed, I couldn’t bear to be scolded by a billionaire for wanting truthful news, and accurate headlines, so I got a Philadephia Inquirer sub.
Both of these papers have dreadful comic section interfaces. Ad placement in WaPo was horrible, and it was difficult to pick out which comic you wanted to see, but kee-rist, Philadelphia Inq takes the cake for bad interfaces that don’t even work twice the same way. They apparently put a lot of effort into pulling strips by panel, on demand, which is dumb considering how small comic strip images are compared to the amount of unreliable JavaScript they had to write to get pulldowns and lazy loading to work. What a bunch of maroons.
Pissing and moaning about how bad a paper is constitutes part of the fun of newspapers to me, but this has gone too far! The Inquirer only shows Gil Thorp up to April 5, 8 days ago! The Ghost of Athletic Direction Past hasn’t shown up! WTF?
Rex Morgan, M.D., 4/13/25: “…and messaged one of the on Facebook…” ONE OF WHAT?
FG: I’ll wager that the Lizardmen have a lot worse derogatory slurs for Dragonmen than just “a blue”.
Crankshaft – “To beat the band?” That’s an expression I haven’t heard in years, and when I did hear it years ago, the speaker was born before 1900. Wouldn’t most people be more likely to say something like “raining cats and dogs?”
I got so distracted by this t0rtured attempt at a joke that I didn’t hate on Harry Dinkle.
Frazz – Interactions with Mrs. Olsen have been trending towards friendly and positive lately, so it’s time to back up and pile on her again.
Of course, there’s absolutely no hypocrisy in the principal, Frazz, and Susie Jerkins talking about not understanding people who don’t have an extreme athletic lifestyle.
9CL – This is a rerun from 2015. Edda’s longer hair is a giveaway.
Rex Morgan – I agree with @MKay: ; I think that’s Debra’s father, out to avenge Debra. The fact that he has her phone leads me to think that she’s dead.
@Guillermo el chiclero: The “Hornies.” The “Tailies.” The “Tiny Talleywhackers.” But undoubtedly the winner is “Miserable Fat Dragonmen Bastards.”
@Doc Wonmug: Try the Seattle Times online comic section. Many of us use it with great success and high glee. (Knocks wood)
Mary Worth – I have to say that June Brigman outdid herself today with Belle’s crazy eyes. That’s glorious.
@Twinkles the Elf: That’s what I think, too. Another point is that surely her plotting didn’t arise out of thin air – I bet this isn’t the first time she did something like this. It’s a mystery why she isn’t spending the rest of her life in prison.
Is she so batshit insane that she doesn’t try a method that won’t get her caught? Something like tampering with medicine or food that will be used much later.
MW: how will Evil Belle the Serial Killer explain the spilled tea eating away the tile?
DT: I love that they dragged this dentist all the way down to the morgue to look at x-rays, while the corpse remains shrouded so he can’t say “This guy doesn’t even look like Piltdown!” Costello has decided that the deception will be exposed by irregularities in the dental work, and that is darn well how he’s going to expose it! (In the story he’s ripping off, the body was so badly burned there was no other way of identifying it, because Dorothy L. Sayers was a competent mystery writer.)
HtH: Actually, Lucky Eddie, since you are, of course, a Dark Ages Norseman, you call birds “fugl”, and spell it in runes. You shouldn’t even know what a “y” is! Hope that helps!
MW: I genuinely believe the only way this strip makes sense is if Wilbur knew the tea was poisioned and was acting deliberately. This is not the same thing as believing it’s the intended reading, of course.
RMMD: I’m calling it now, Supermarket Brand Aldo was already dead when Baldy McVentriloquistsDummyMouth showed up, because nothing remotely interesting can even happen in Rex Morgan MD.
Also, if you’re being stalked, probably not a great idea to put your full name in the Stalker Victim Forum, so people can easily track your address. Just a thought.
@Ukulele Ike: #64: When leaving office, one of Andrew Jackson’s biggest regrets was that he didn’t shoot (Henry) Clay and hang Calhoun, or was it hang Clay and shoot Calhoun? Either way drain cleaner wasn’t involved.
@Ukulele Ike: Admiral Doctor Hopper was a black lady [Citation needed]
You’re a Plugger if your ship finally comes in and it’s more than a little dingy.
MW: Dawn might be a mopey, spineless, codependent brat with no ambition and an unhealthy hero worship of her clod of a father but she’s still the better choice for a Weston by default. Nobody wants her dead but nobody’s going to cry about her if she leaves Charterstone to actually do something with her life after over two decades of doing nothing productive.
Wilbur, though…
Also Wilbur being an “accidental hero” is one of the most ridiculous things that Moy is expecting the audience to believe. Everyone that Wilbur has “saved” has been someone who has been shoved aside in his self absorbed obliviousness. Keep in mind as well that he’s at fault for Belle being here because he’s so stupid that he gave a woman he barely knows his full address and access to his home. He’s also gaslighting Dawn into accepting that this is okay and she should be happy that her daddy is finally getting some so she had better be nice.
“Endearing quirks,” my ass, Moy.
@Ukulele Ike: I’ll also put in a good word for Seattle Times comics. Most everything I read is there and it usually works okay, unless Comics Kingdom is down and prevents the loading of the CK comics. I noticed recently that Gil Thorp has not updated since April 5, so I assume ST has dropped it. But I don’t regularly read it any more so no big loss.
MW: They’ve reached their objective – get numerous clicks and comments! The fact that most of the attention is on how this is batshit crazy and totally senseless is beside the point.
Dirk Twacy Hollistic Defective: “Now, if I could just figure out what ’emotionally bankrupt and morally exhausted’ on his toe tag means”.
@Guy Nerdlinger: I can’t vouch for the “lady” part. Being in the US Navy, she probably swore like a sailor. Possibly also spit tobacco juice on the foredeck.
RMMD: It’s always intriguing to see which aspects of a story are most compelling to the comic strip artist. Obviously, in this case, we can see that Terry Beatty is most eager to draw shiny, red, late-model pickup trucks and shirtless, bald men in boxer shorts.
MW: Two words, Belle: poker face.
DT: I keep forgetting that Sam Catchem is not Riddler and is, in fact, working on the side of law and order.
Phantom: Poor Phantom, sidelined in his own comic … and on a Sunday yet! Look at him there in the logo panel with that “Put me in, coach!” look on his face.
@Ukulele Ike: Being in the US Navy, she probably swore like a sailor. Not uncommon in working with computers either.
Dustin: I call shenanigans. No way would Dustdad limit himself to one slice. He’d put the one slice back and eat the rest of the whole cake.
The Phantom Kids have a metal detector while villagers have burning torches. Gotta stick with the “backwards-native” tropes here.
@smokey stover:
DT: Good catch on Old Time Radio’s “Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar,” https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yours_Truly,_Johnny_Dollar, the insurance investigator with the “action packed expense account” that also almost certainly is at times crammed with inflated expense entries. So, will Dick Tracy finally be the one who brings Johnny Dollar to justice, or will he just shoot him for having a weak stomach. Tune in next week to find out.
MW: What finally clued Wilbur to something being wrong were the cloves and cinnamon. Both Weston’s are awful cooks and no way would they keep a fully stocked spice rack. Now if Belle had said that Granny’s special tea included molten bacon grease Wilbur would’ve ripped that tea out of Dawn’s hands and downed it in one quaff.
@The Rambling Otter:
Silly Otter, Trix are for kids
@Ukulele Ike: #98: She also could dance to a hornpipe, play sea shanties on a squeezebox, drink rum laced with gunpowder like Blackbeard, begin her sentences with yargh, and call people she didn’t like scurvy sons of rum puncheons.
Even a overly horny Wilbur wouldn’t let someone they suspected of attempting to poison their daughter spend one more second in their presence.
Wilbur spilled the tea through innate clumsiness.
@Hibbleton: Wilbur will gaslight, guilt trip, traumatize Dawn with stories about his sex life in graphic detail, and ignore her emotional pain but he draws the line at Dawn drinking tea without him getting any.
@pugfuggly:
Calhoun also advanced the nullification concept.
Next week we’ll get a quote from Sauron: You cannot hide! I see you!
@Needless Exposition: #108: Another reason for suspicion. Why would she make tea for just one person? It’s no more work to brew enough tea for three cupfuls than just one. That way they could all sit down and have tea together.
@pugfuggly:
Calhoun also advanced the nullification concept.
Next week we’ll get a quote from Sauron: You cannot hide! I see you!
MW: So Wilbur knows but he’s not going to do anything about it. What a POS.
RMMD: It’s Street Sweeper The Elder But Vigilante-er!
@Guillermo el chiclero: Goodness, them computer scientists sho’ do live high, don’t they?
@Guillermo el chiclero: A normal person would be suspicious. Wilbur is an idiot whose world revolves around himself and what everyone else can do for him.
MW: From a public safety standpoint (now, with the comic book code long gone) putting Drano or similar substances into drink isn’t just a prank – it is lethal or worse, lead to years of painful suffering. Working in a hospital, I was on a team that took care of a young person who tried to end their own life by drinking a liquid plumber substance. It scarred down and stricture the esophagus ultimately leading to a colon interposition operation; some splashed down the airway and burned the vocal cords and trachea. A horrible thing to do. From an artistic standpoint, surprised the creators didn’t drag this out for a few days, and leave a cliff hanger moment with Dawn finally bringing the cup close to her mouth
Clearly, Belle is high on the psychopathy scale and probably has many other people suffer unfortunate accidents in her past.
DT: The Itemizer strikes! The emphasis on how new and tidy the dental work is a nice pick up but then suggests the dentist had no recall of what his patient looked like!
RMMD: From what’ve been shown so far, there is no inkling that Stalker dude was shot. The detective and EMT/morgue people (who presumably has long since moved the body) didn’t mention anything about a gunshot wound. The flash of what looks like a .45 automatic was just to show Captain Picard was serious about confronting Stalker.
@Ukulele Ike: Being in the US Navy, she probably swore like a sailor.
Back when there were more WWII veterans around, our local paper printed a letter from one, complaining about the depiction of swearing on the part of sailors in the movies. (He probably saw The Last Detail, which has the most authentic swearing I’ve had the pleasure of hearing in a movie.) He said that when he was in the Navy, he never swore. Not him, nor any of his buddies either! It’s things like this that have made me skeptical about war stories.
MW: Have they ever established why exactly Belle wants Dawn out of the picture? It can’t just be “She’s a nut” and that’s it.
Dustin: I’m guessing tomorrow’s strip will be about how Dustin is a terrible person because he lacks discipline.
@White Rabbit: What tended to disturb me, was after years of watching N.C.I.S, the implications that 90% of Navy Officer deaths occur at home in the U.S and usually are murdered by their own relatives… as opposed to dying honorably in battle overseas. Terrified me.
I’m not saying that N.C.I.S is an accurate depiction, but still…
@Twinkles the Elf: #20
“ This woman is dumb as a *sack of hammers*.”
Shhhh! You don’t want to give Belle any ideas for another way to snuff Dawn!!
@White Rabbit:
Construction Site Foreman: “Boys, I’m getting complaints from passersby about the terrible swearing going on in here. What about it?”
Pat: “Well, I was holdin’ the drill and Mike was swingin’ the sledgehammer and he missed and hit me thumb. So I said to him, I said, “Heavens to Betsy, Mike, I do wish you could be a tad more careful.”
@Treetown: RMMD: there’s also no indication he was beat to death. So, was he scared into heart failure?
MW What kind of kinky sex were Wilbur and Belle up to on their “romantic” vacation that let Wilbur know she’d try to kill his daughter to keep the fling alive? Belle exed out Dawn’s eyes on a prominently displayed family portrait. Did she hide it afterwards, or just put it back on the shelf?
They could have asked Dawn to get another room while they had at it.
And this job Belle has that lets her skip out of town on vacation anytime she pleases
: Did anybody try to check her out on the internet? Like, try LinkedIn for serious professionals, or many other websites for people into kink, lies, and mayhem.
@Professor Well Actually: Stalker dude was killed by a trained swamp adder, the most poisonous snake in India. When Baldy McUnderpants whistled low, the swamp adder crawled down the bell pull and attacked.
@Ukulele Ike: elementary.
@Ukulele Ike: #87
The Seattle Times is my comics go-to site – I rarely if ever have any problems there. :-)
@Anonymous: No, no, we’re meant to be getting prepared for Moy rebooting the series from Mary Worth to Wacky Wilbur’s Wonderland featuring Mary Worth. Reality no longer exists except to revolve around Wilbur and his undeserved success as he ruins the lives of everyone around him but still manages to come out on top because of his endearing quirks.
“What kind of things can we find, Nia?”
Bottle caps, assholes. It’s ALWAYS bottle caps. And, adventure? I guess?
RMMD: here’s what I’d like to see. The coroner, aka Rex, finds the body drained of blood, with two puncture wounds on the. This would allow for the introduction of a new character named Kolchak.
@Professor Well Actually:
Or perhaps set up a clinic rivalry with one Dr. Acula????
MW: Belle forgot to say “heh heh” in any of the panels. We believe she’s lost her Villain Mojo! Possibly Dr Evil, or maybe just Dirk, has it in a vial somewhere.
@smokey stover: Yes! Came here to say this!
PV: No, Gawain. It’s the drunk woman at the party who jumps up on the table and yanks off her top. Tell that girlfriend of yours, Rory Redhood, to do her job.
Rex Morgan, MD – This guy drives a Ford F150 extended cab because he’s having to carry a lot of this story for the writers.
Mary Worth – By dating the insane Belle, WIlbur saved another man from being sucked into web of crazy, and more importantly, being involved in any plot in Mary Worth.
Dick Tracy – I don’t doubt at some point there was a Silicon Valley startup that got millions in funding to created a biometric based security app using unique dental signatures, and a criminal or hostile state hacking outfit put some effort into figuring out ways they could get elderly people to give up pictures of their teeth or dental records in order to hack their bank accounts.
The Phantom – Will the Forbidden Zone be haunted by the ghost of the indigenous people’s lore, or was it just a cordoned off minefield from a past military conflict or rebellion that never got cleaned up.
@Philip: I second this. Two kids wandering into The Phantom’s lair and ending up going on some sort of adventure with him, just screams whimsy.
But knowing this comic, he’ll just direct them back home and nothing more will come of this arc.
DT: I saw a clip once, it was of a woman driving, her dog was in the passenger seat, her phone was on the dashboard. Every time she would reach to check her phone, her dog would smack her arm down.
@The Rambling Otter: the implications that 90% of Navy Officer deaths occur at home in the U.S and usually are murdered by their own relatives.
Probably 90% of them do occur at home, after a long retirement, of natural causes. I have an eccentric cousin who ran afoul of the real NCIS. He was court-martialed out of the Marine Corps on charges of conduct unbecoming (boinking an enlisted woman) and obstruction of justice. I think they would have gone easier on him, if it weren’t for that last charge. He also got a year in the Graybar Hotel. He was a pilot, too!
DT: Well that’s something. I’m not sure it fits the “Priceless!” the narration boxes seem to be going for, but it’s something.
MW: Since these are the Westons we’re talking about, of course Dawn was saved by Wilbur’s oafishness and not by the warning signal that is Belle’s death rictus expression.
RMMD: We in the balding-male-with-noticeable-back-and-shoulder-hair community weren’t necessarily asking for this kind of representation, but it appears we got it anyway. Also that after the innuendo otherwise, Stalky McFacialhair actually did just pick a weird time to die.
HA! Oh, man, I wish I was here yesterday so I could have reacted to Belle trying to murder Dawn right in front of Wilbur by putting a big ol’ glug of Drano in her tea, as if that wouldn’t be immediately noticeable. Today’s resolution, if inevitable, is still disappointing in comparison.
I swear, every time this strip has made me laugh over the last couple of years has involved people getting hurt, abused, or killed.
BB: The disturbing thought that maybe Buxley is right and Beetle is who he wants to be will keep Sarge up tonight.
C-Shaft: You mean there was a competition where the opposing band came over and beat Harry and his band? And I missed it?
Dustin: Dustmom got the recipe from her old friend Belle Batsfrey and the secret ingredient is bathtub scouring powder.
FG: See, if Rex Morgan, MD called itself “Rexxx Morgan, MD it would cause all sorts of misunderstandings. Unhelpful ones.
Luann: Atomic Llama doesn’t even exist and I’m offended on its behalf for a Luann character accusing it of triteness.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Any idea how this one got caught up in moderation?
I know Mary Worth is written with the subtlety of a sledgehammer but I’m honestly a little surprised Belle’s earlier alluding to wanting to kill Dawn was totally literal. I’m also a little surprised she’s doing it within, what, a day of coming to Santa Royale? She must really want… Wilbur’s money? That’s what this is inevitably going to be about, right? That or she’s the world’s most roundabout serial killer.
FC: Bil plays it half-in half-out. He’s fallen for Thel’s tricks before.
“Come on, give this beautiful little boy a hug”
He takes baby. Thel runs into the yard and hops over the neighbor’s fence.
“OMG, HOW FULL IS YOUR DIAPER!?”
@Banana Jr. 6000: It was also a cromulent name.
@White Rabbit:
When nearly every episode of N.C.I.S involves someone in the Navy getting murdered, on American soil. I guess dying of old age/natural causes wouldn’t make good TV.
Well, technically there was one episode, where a corpse was found in a storage locker belonging to a dead Naval Lieutenant, whom was days away from getting a hero’s funeral. The SecNav was pushing N.C.I.S to prove that the Naval Lieutenant wasn’t the murderer (as apparently this guy was heavily revered)
FC: C’mon, Bil. Just ask your ghost dad to call in his markers with the weather control angel.
@smokey stover: I was wonderig if anyone else IN THE ENTIRE WORLD was going to pick up on that.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: I think it was the triple-x.
@Peanut Gallery: The new neighbor wears fishnet stockings and no pants.
I must live in the wrong neighborhood.
@Artist formerly known as Ben: Re: Luann: I assumed the “Atomic Llama” was one of those bands that play the rock n’ roll music the kids like so much, but Bernice talks about it like it’s a movie, or a circus act.
@taig: Heh. Sort of reinforces my original point then.
@Ukulele Ike: As a band name it sounds way hipper and more out there than anything Bwad and Toni would be into.
MW: Dawn and the bowling ball, Belle and the soy sauce, Wilbur and the tea. Do the people in this comic not know how to hold onto things?
“Who used up my whole bottle of Dawn poison?!?” cries an exhausted Mary Worth.
Sex Organ V.D.: ….and so as Frank Barone searches for Debra’s stalker, so ends this story of “Everyone Stalks Raymond”
@GarrisonSkunk:
I hope this comment makes someone’s float.