Slouching Towards Charterstone
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Mark Trail, 4/25/24
Mark, I don’t know if I’d trust a horse with my life in this scenario. Have you ever seen a horse race? They’re just running in circles, for our amusement! Do you think they know how to get out of the racetrack? Because they sure don’t act like it! They just keep running in circles!
Gearhead Gertie, 4/25/24
Speaking of racing around in circles for the amusement of others, these NASCAR drivers are especially brave, in my opinion. There’s a crazed blimpjacker on the loose! Probably she’s going to use that blimp for terrorism purposes! Has nobody here read or seen Black Sunday?
Mary Worth, 4/25/24
OK, sorry I ever thought we were in for some kind of Redemption of Wilbur Weston because of the way he accidentally saved a child. No, something much more morally complex is happening, as today in a similarly absent-minded state Wilbur accidentally manhandles an old man into the street. In a way, isn’t each and every one of us an anarchic, half-conscious presence in the world, doing good and ill by turns in ways that often barely register on us?
Shoe, 4/25/24
“Ariana Grande is 30 years old and her first album came out in 2013. What kind of idiot doesn’t know this?” you’re probably asking. The answer is: newspaper comics readers. They don’t know who she is and think her name sounds dumb! This strip is a public service.
236 replies to “Slouching Towards Charterstone”
Mary Worth: Watch out, Central Park Shover! Wilburman is after your old people pushing action, and good!
Pluggers: Pluggers are huge meatsacks filled with unrealized rage and cholesterol.
MW – “Endearing quirks” now include abusing the elderly while calling them names. Got it.
DtM – No, Dennis, that’s not a peep hole. That’s a glory hole. You’re doing it wrong.
@astroboy: Yay! We can add elder abuse to animal abuse and alcohol abuse on the endearing quirks list!
MW: It’s a beautiful day in the neighborhood, a beautiful day in the neighborhood… until Wilbur Weston shows up and shoves Mr. Rogers into oncoming traffic.
RMMD: “Some of you might not want to see this torrential spewing of dog puke. But you, blonde child – I recognize that look in your eyes. Yes… you’re one of Us. Come, join me in the observation chamber. And take this rain poncho, first-timer; trust me, you’ll want it.”
JP: Wow, what a clever masterstroke by the ever crafty Helena. It’s so impressive how she’s able to outwit a criminal genius on the level of Pavel. But for every strike is a parry and riposte, and the devious Pavel will probably counter tomorrow with a brilliantly insidious coup de main, presumably by equipping Helena with a cactus strap-on before turning around, pulling down his pants, and bending over.
Looks like Wilbur has completely snapped (calling Zak the ugly gorilla?)
I look forward to tomorrow as he daydreams about Iris giving him a kiss while he’s wearing a straight jacket in a padded cell.
RMMD-Oh no. The boys will want to eat what gets thrown up because there will be brownies in it.
MW-This is no longer called a daydream. This is called a psychotic break from reality. Not even Mary’s muffins can save the day.
MT. They could have just ridden the horse out of the fire, but the last time Mark went bareback with a woman the result was that freak Rusty.
Roz, he’s called Loon. Did you expect a normal order?
JP:. We all know Pavel is going to end up on floor and Blythe/ Helena will be gone. But Pavel cannot die! He’s too fun of a character to kill off! Or maybe he’ll just disappear too. (Remember, this is all going down with consent of Randy and wife)
I get it that it’s hard to sympathise with incels, but maybe giving them representation in the form of Wilbur is a step too far!
In what world can the news be able to see Gearhead Gertie up close enough (on a blimp!) to know what colour her earrings are, but not recognize the obsessive NASCAR granny who spends her entire life committing outrageous stunts to show her devotion to the sport? This guy probably has to report on her antics weekly!
MT What I’ve retained from this strip is that Marl Trail can run as fast as a horse. I wonder what other super powers he’s hiding.
GG I love the extremely precise description that the announcer has given. You know, just in case their readership of drooling morons couldn’t make the connection between panels 1 and 2 .
MT – and it you spend any time with horses, you know they aren’t calm, cool, and collected when they panic. And fire will make them panic. Hell, just leaving a piece of equipment in their paddock will cause them to freak out.
Crankshaft : …do it Batiuk. Say that you’d prefer having your comics EXCLUSIVELY in print, and that you’d be okay with having NO web presence whatsoever, that you don’t NEED (or like) having your strip archived online, because you like making sales through word of mouth and attending book signings more than online ordering.
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Frazz : I note that they’re being as non-specific as to what the book Caufield was assigned to read was, and what the “more interesting” book he was reading instead.
************
Mark Trail : yes, let a horse loose and follow it as it runs for safety, it’s not like horses run incredibly quicker than humans!
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Mary Worth : I’m less disturbed from Wilbur being lost in his violent fantasies and terrorising those around him (something I’m assuming he’ll suffer no serious consequences for), and much more disturbed by the fact that Wilburman’s costume is a leotard with NO PANTS.
It’s almost as bad as when he was in a speedo!*************
On the Fastrack :
Dethany : is best friends with her company’s HR director, who can pull as many strings as she can to give Dethany whatever favor she wants.
ALSO Dethany : has absolutely no recourse when her boss CONSTANTLY demands she works overtime (possibly with no extra pay)
So Wilbur is imagining what’s-his-face (Zak?) as a gorilla, fine. But when he imagines himself as a superhero, he adds a bit of arm muscle but retains the pudgy frame and the dorky comb-over. Really? Imagining himself buff with a full head of hair is completely beyond him? SMDH.
MT:
A wildfire threatens to consume them, and Mark is laughing away in the second panel. Makes perfect sense.
GG: This premise should be good for a couple of weeks of strips, how long has it been published?
MW:
It’s not enough that Zak is a gorilla. He is an ugly gorilla. Man, that Wilbur is a master of nuance.
I never heard of Ariana Grande until a week or so ago when she was referenced on Luann and I thought at first it was a made up name.
MW: Hey, Wilbur pushes a little kid away from oncoming traffic, and then he pushes an old man into it. A hero’s work in maintaining a youthful demographic is never done!
Mark Trail: Faced with the puzzle of Chesterton’s Fence, Mark neither tears it down nor considers why it’s there; he runs around it. Chesterton didn’t even consider that option! Read more in Mark’s collection of philosophical essays, Why I Am a Woodsman.
Shoe: “And hurry up with it — I’ve got to get to my tailor, swift!”
Tomorrow’s Mark Trail: “Maybe we can treat our burns with ivermectin!”
@jroggs:
But that was his insidious secret plan all along!
RMMD: Vet: “We’re going to give Candy some medication to make her expel what’s in her stomach”
June: “Some of you may not want to see this.”
Sara: “But we can watch if we want to?”
MW: [later Wilbur is jolted out of his daydream to find out he’s become a bit of a villain in Santa Royale and he was laid out by Jared who is daydreaming of being a Jedi knight]
MW: I feel like this entire situation is an allegory for Wilbur’s deteriorating mental state. His shirt is changing colors, he’s been in a variety of different backgrounds, his moods are swinging faster than rush hour traffic, and it’s clear he’s suffering from hallucinations and delusions of grandeur. Perhaps this is a sign that Wilbur should seek psychiatric treatment and get away from the enabling old meddler…but it would be so much more enjoyable to watch the police step in with the most unnecessary use of force imaginable.
@Pozzo: It’s Shoe, the tailor could be a swift, making clothes held together by its saliva.
Mark Trail: Somewhere close by, Bojack Horseman sits atop his yacht sipping bourbon, watching, yearning to be a free and wild horse who could lead idiots to their death by fire.
RxMD: Oh, great, Beatty. NOW you warn us? Where was this during the “Mud Mountain Makes Mud” storyline?
Mary Worth: I would like to be the first to congratulate Wilbur Weston on becoming the lowest form of life known to daily comics readers. No, not a puppy strangler, what are you thinking? An elder abuser. The coupon clippers of America will not stand for this behavior, Wilbur! Be warned!
GG: You’re a Plugger if you’ve seen Black Sunday. (Obviously, you wouldn’t have read Black Sunday)
MT: “Wildlife expert” Mark Trail stood a 92% chance of getting kicked in the head by a panicky horse, according to various online sportsbooks. (Did you know North Carolina allows online betting? I do, because every freaking YouTube ad informs me of that. Maybe I should get a VPN. Anyway, I digress)
MW: Sploof!
Shoe: Loon figures if Pete Davidson can get an Ariana Grande, he can too.
MW: Karen and June are trying a new strain of SOMETHING…!
So, okay, Wilbur walks down the sidewalk near a pink parked car and ends up in a park somewhere, where he encounters Iris and Zak and starts having a total break with reality. Fine. Great. I can accept this. But then, during this reality break, he somehow… ends up on the same sidewalk going the same way next to the same pink parked car? Is this is Mary Worth-iverse version of “I walked to school in the snow uphill! both ways!”? .
Shoe: I concede that there are people out there who don’t know who Ariana Grande is, but I can’t imagine there are many who don’t know Ariana but do know Starbucks’ idiosyncratic coffee sizing system so intimately that the word ‘grande’ immediately makes them think of weird coffee-based syrup drinks.
MW – Wilbur’s daydreaming about being a superhero, but this is playing out like a supervillain origin story.
Gearhead Gertie – That guy must be the color commentator.
@els:
Boy, I sure hope someone got fired for that blunder!
MW: By just going around and affecting people’s lives for good and for bad, Wilbur is basically acting out Shirley Jackson’s “One Ordinary Day, with Peanuts”, isn’t he?
Frazz: Thank you, Frazz, for shining a light on how much of a thankless job teaching is.
Luann: In five years, Luann will be taking another intro to creative writing class with a 97-year-old teacher.
CS: Don’t flatter yourself, Batton. Those two strips weren’t bad enough to elevate your strip by comparison.
Wilbur going off the rails has started to convince me that Charterstone is not an apartment complex for the elderly/unwanted to be shoved into but instead an asylum for the upper middle class country club types. Ian’s ephebophilic tendencies, Toby’s codependency, Dawn’s obsession with finding a dependable daddy figure, the people who all love dogs in an unhealthy way, everything about Wilbur…
And Mary Worth herself. She thinks she’s helping them all but in reality she’s a dementia ridden old woman who needs to feel useful. It’s why she thinks her advice is always the best thing for everyone. Dr. Jeff isn’t really her boyfriend but is instead her therapist taking her out for appointments which is why they haven’t gotten married. She thinks he’s in love with her but he keeps the relationship professional.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Have you noticed how hard everyone’s working?”
“Yes. How can I get the same results? Just put amphetamines in the water cooler?”
“No…”
“You also have to brainwash them”
I was happy. I’ve only recently found out about Gearhead Gertie and already she’s doing crime and will be going to prison, bringing the comic to an end? Yes! Then Mary Worth pops up and there’s Wilbur committing assault. Happiness? Bah! That’s nothing compared to the orgasmic ecstasy that has taken over my entire being! Enjoy the big house, loser! He’s bound to survive being shanked every day, but I can handle Wilbur stories if he’s being held in isolation for his own protection.
9CL: This is what caused Sister Aramus to leave The Church.
Here’s the strip in Welsh (at least according to Google Translate):
“Beth ydych chi’n blant yn ei wneud?”
“Mae’r cyfan yn y troednodiadau, chwaer.”
“Nid oes gennyf y syniad lleiaf beth sy’n digwydd yma. Rydych chi’n delio ag ef, Chwaer Aramus. Dywedon nhw ei fod i gyd yn y troednodiadau.”
In today’s exciting development, Wilburman has lost his pants.
@Ettorre: COTW if there ever was one.
I think Brigman missed an opportunity to replace the “BAM!” with a “POW!” that incorporates the block W on Wilburman’s chest. That red W on a navy background hasn’t failed to remind me of the Washington Senators caps of my far distant youth.
Zits: Hey, maybe if Luann starts drinking black coffee, she’ll become an adult. OK, I know what will actually happen: Luann will complain about having to poop more often.
FC: Jeffy eats the book.
MW: Like every single other thing that Wilbur does, daydreaming should be done alone, behind locked doors.
SHOE: Now I don’t feel so bad about ordering a half-caf Swift Taylor.
MT – Feel the burn….
G-G – Let’s Go Brandon!
MW – Fugue it up, Wilbur….
Shoe – Then I’ll have a Bobby Short….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Shoe: “She’s a singer, not a coffee. And even if that were an actual drink, why would you assume you could order one here? It’s not like you saw it on the menu, because, as I said, she’s a singer.”
MW: Sitting alone at home, Mary has no idea that her Jekyll and Hyde muffin recipe actually worked.
Gearhead: Lemme see if I understand this– a news van can see the color of Gertie’s earrings, but a police sniper can’t?
And should it worry me that the biggest laughs I got from this morning’s funnies were Wallace the Brave and frickin’ Mary Worth?
Dennis the Menace: Coincidentally, 1985 was the year this comic was written.
Mary Worth: Even a small child is capable of fantasizing without having to act it out in realtime. This man has brain damage.
I saw Black Sunday when I was 17. When Robert Shaw figures out that terrorists are targeting the Super Bowl, he tells the commissioner of the NFL to cancel the game, to which the commissioner replies, “cancel the Super Bowl? You might as well cancel Christmas!” Laughed my ass off.
GG — How is the view from a blimp better than Section J, Row AA Seat 4? Not to mention that she would need to concentrate on flying that thing.
MW — That rough beast (his hour come round at last) must have been working out if he’s able to knock Don Ameche down with a wave of his arm.
Shoed — “I know, b*tch! Now get me Ariana Grande like I asked!”
Joke on a late-night show. Two guys order drinks at an outdoor bar. One orders a Tom Collins, and the other orders a Joan Collins. When the bartender points out that the latter isn’t a drink, the real Joan Collins appears and walks off with the guy. A roundabout way of saying that the Shoe joke would have worked in live action with Ariana Grande herself in a cameo. But then, a live-action CGIed Shoe would be one of the most hideous things one could put on a screen.
Huh, so Mary Worth is evolving from the indie game “Braid” to George Saunders’s story “The Falls.” I’m thinking Wilbur as the one who presumably drowns himself in a futile attempt to save two girls, and Ian as the one who doesn’t.
Shoe: “…and God help me, if you don’t leave a tip, I will feed you to my Doja Cat.”
MW: At first I thought this was a strip accidentally posted early, like we got earlier in the strip. But no, the date in panel one matches today’s date. So we transitioned, with no explanation, from Wilbur having a pity party in a park to Wilbur shoving an elderly man into traffic what seems to be a business district.
Realistically either that man is going to die via from run over or he’s going to break a hip, but somehow this will be twisted into an act of heroism on Wilbur’s part. Because randomly assaulting a stranger while acting out your delusions is somehow heroic in Moy’s mind.
MW/GT: Who is more deluded, Wilbur thinking he’s a superhero, or Dorothy thinking she’s George Jefferson calling for his wife? “Weezy!”
Mark Trail – If it wasn’t obvious Josh was a child-free, it’s even more clear now that he’s never dealt with a daughter who went through a horse phase.
Gearhead Gertie – Are those black shapes behinds the blimp supposed to be bird, or the bodies of the crew and authorized passengers Gertie has thrown out of the blimp?
Mary Worth – I hope this storyline has Wilbur go full mental break, where anyone who opposes him transforms into an ape into his mind. It’ll be like merging Don Quixote and Planet of the Apes.
Shoe – I feel like this was a joke submitted to the sister strip Pluggers that got used by Shoe team when they were short on ideas.
MT: Dahlings, I hope you are following the adventures of my protégée, the Horse known as Artemis! I can’t believe how far she has come in her career! It must have been fate that brought us together in Utah. I knew she had a knack for comedy, but she is reaching a pinnacle with this dramatic action role! And such ACTING! Going against all natural instincts and keeping a cool head here, in spite of Mark’s inane, inappropriate joking. Honestly, something is wrong with that boy…
I saw this morning she’s getting fab reviews.. some calling her the Next Big Equine Star…. the
longFace of the Future… hmmmp. Well, that’s … great. I’m just so pleased for her. But she could still stand to lose a little weight.Shoe – I’ve heard the same basic joke with Ariana Grande and Taco Bell. There is nothing new under the sun. Or on the Taco Bell menu. Call it whatever you want, it’s some permutation of tortilla, animal protein, meat, cheese. If you want tomato, lettuce, and sour cream, it’s supreme.
MT took inspiration from the five horses that got spooked in London, threw their riders, injured four pedestrians and smashed multiple cars and buses while galloping before getting rounded up FIVE MILES AWAY.
Oh yeah, that’s a ton of muscle with steel shod hooves I want to stand next to when it panics. Not.
@Needless Exposition:
So, you’re saying that Wilbur should write and draw the re-launched Apartment 3G.
MW: Wilbur does realize Zak is better looking than he is, doesn’t he? Or did he just call the guy on the sidewalk an ugly gorilla?
This seems like a great time to discuss the ‘eggshell skull’ theory of law. A tortfeasor must take their victim ‘as they find them,’ and is responsible for injuries, even if those injuries were unforeseeable to the tortfeasor due to a hidden medical condition in the victim. If, for example, while in a reverie, a man pushed an elderly man to the ground, and the victim happened to suffer from osteogenesis imperfecta and was thus crippled by the fall, the tortfeasor is still fully responsible for all of the damages, even though they had no way of knowing of their victim’s underlying fragility. In other words, we can hope that Wilbur’s about to be sued to utter extinction. Just your happy legal thought for the day!
@52 Buck Ripsnort: And should it worry me that the biggest laughs I got from this morning’s funnies were Wallace the Brave and frickin’ Mary Worth?
(1) No and (2) Yes.
MW: Somebody better check what Mary is putting in those muffins to cause Wilbur to go on a full-on psychotic episode.
@pugfuggly: That horse is at a full gallop, yet they’re keeping up? Give me a break!
Not a fan of new Mark Trail. It tries to be cheeky, but it comes across as forced to me.
Shoe: The possibilities if he’d asked for a Macho Grande.
MW-“Wilbur SMASH!”
MW: Good Lord…not even Godzilla can stop this rampage!
@Liam: #7
“RMMD-Oh no. The boys will want to eat what gets thrown up because there will be brownies in it.”
…aaaand…I was eating my breakfast when I read your comment…*HURL*
MW: And now Wilbur will accidentally save this man’s life by shoving him away! Hardy har! Oh, my sides. The irony, it is so hilarious. Ho ho ho. Sigh.
This kind of sub-Costanza-ism only makes a likeable character if he’s, y’know, actually funny.
@Weaselboy: #54: What’s weird is if “Black Sunday” were done today by the current woke Hollywood Shaw’s Mossad agent would be the villain and the Palestinian terrorists would be the heroes.
MW:
@jroggs: The idea that Wilbur could overcome Fred Rogers in a physical battle has “Panic Adrenaline-Surging Mom Lifts Dumptruck off of Toddler” headline written all over it.
@Ukranazi Stepan: To be fair, her family pronounced the surname “Grand” until she got into acting, so it’s not not made up.
MW: I’m hoping none of his fantasies involve him removing his clothes.
MW: A while ago several Mudges speculated that Wilbur would join a gym to get ripped and maybe abuse performance enhancing drugs. What I didn’t expect was that he’d already be experiencing roid rages beforehand.
MW: Speaking of roid rages, wouldn’t it be a trip if the old man Wilbur shoved was Keith Hillend’s dad and he got the mother of all beat downs.
@Schroduck: My MIL is aware of Starbucks’ sizing nomenclature, but I doubt she knows who Ariana Grande is. However, I suspect she is rather unique in this regard.
The Family Circus Spanish to English.
To me, Black Sunday is merely the thing the Silence of the Lambs guy wrote before Red Dragon.
If this were a political blog, we’d have to discuss whether today’s Shoe proves or disproves Prof. Paul Campos’ Ariana Grande theory of politics.
Wilbur has made a full-on break from reality and I am here for it!
FG: The Ice Giants of the North are attacking the Frigian state by using their evil magical secrets to create….a bigger giant? Not the most imaginative giants, are they?
“Zarkov! Cane off the table! Were you born in an ice barn?”
@Professor Well Actually: Even in his idealized fantasy, Wilbur is still fat and bald, just with more impressive biceps
DT: How do I even KNOW this is Blowtop without even one “Woo Gosh!”?
MT: Yeah, people talk about “horse sense,” but if horses had any sense, wouldn’t they have stomped humanity into the ground centuries ago?
MW: Anyone else hearing “Bittersweet Symphony?”
CS: Any chance of Wilbur pushing these two twits into traffic?
@Lauralot: re MW: I think the abrupt transitioning here is due to this happening in the course of several days of “daydreaming” – not on one very looong walk by Wilbur. It would have been helpful to have a Narration Box, giving us a time indicator. But I guess it’s busy looking up a pithy* quote for Sunday.
Not to be confused with “pissy”
The Argyle Sweater: Fun with archaeology.
“It’s starting to rain again, and the track is under a yellow card, and we’ve been informed that the Goodyear blimp has been hijacked! Here come the F-22s and they’re firing and the back motors of the ship are just holding it just enough to keep it from . . . It’s burst into flames! It’s crashing, terrible! Oh, my! It’s burning, bursting into flames and it’s falling on the racing track. It’s a terrific crash, ladies and gentlemen, and that’s what NASCAR is all about! Oh, the humanity, this is the best race I’ve ever witnessed!”
MW: While Wilburman fights crime, he daydreams about being a civilian who occasionally bullies the elderly.
So Wilbur can’t tell the difference between his internal thoughts and reality. This is the very definition of psychosis, I believe. Maybe Rex Morgan can crossover into Mary Worth and take over Wilbur’s treatment. After al, he’s handed his strip over to the veterinarians, and I look for it to become “All Creatures Great And Small” soon.
FC: The Great Soul Council of Rap and Hip Hop superstars adjourned their once-in-a-millenium conference after concluding that a dimwitted child named “Dolly” has finally captured the essence of the art form in one definitive declaration – “Poems are like rap without music.” Never in their storied existence have they heard it put so elegantly…so concisely…so innocently…Unable to restrain his exuberance, Eminem stood up and shouted “Yo, man – rap without music is poems!!!”
@Voshkod: #92
APPLAUSE!!
Mark Trail: Y’know what’s faster than running alongside a horse? Riding the horse! I mean, I know Mark always wants to put the animals’ preferences first, but I’m pretty sure Artemis here would rather carry a couple of dopes than be turned into prosciutto di cavallo.
Shoe: “I’d like a drink that gives you the serenity to dream it and the vitality to do it. I’ll try one of those ‘Midnight Expressos,’ please.”
@62 Melody Mare, proudly mentoring: By any chance, did you model for piñatas? I’m arranging a party for Wilbur Weston and need a horse’s ass piñata. On a completely separate note, does your groom have about a piñata-full of manure he can let me have cheap?
@94 White Rabbit: Good thought but I don’t think psychosis is curable by smelling salts.
love is… pushing her over.
Between Friends: No decision is a decision.
@taig: She’d be doing it out of a sippy cup. No way that girl’s graduated to curly straws!
@BeckoningChasm: Knowing Wilbur, he would try to make Margo fall for a character based on him and turn it into a much more nauseating version of 9 Chickweed Lane.
MW; Choose: (1) You know you’re a plugger when other pluggers can shove you aside without giving it a second thought, or (2) You know you’re a plugger when you enjoy shoving other pluggers and calling them ugly gorillas
@Voshkod:
MW: Oh my stars and bars, I haven’t heard the story of the man with the eggshell had since I took torts many many years ago. Thanks for the memory! You nailed it. Now tell us about unforeseen foreseeable events and the unborn widow rule.
MW: Just think. Instead of this Wilbur pity party we could be back east watching Dawn get taken for a ride by some handsome, smooth-talking ne’er-do-well in another one of her doomed relationships.
FG: It’s about time you brought in the Ice Giants! The Hell with feuding fisherman and pirate miners! We want Ice Giants, now!
MT – I’m counting on Horse Bro to get Our Heroes away NVidia Bro’s compound and to the safety of a nearby Pancake House. We just need someone to tell Horse Bro that Broccoli is Yummy.
@Unca Bob:
Or was it foreseeable unforeseeable events and the rule against perpetuities?
@Unca Bob: I think I did rule against perpetuities and the fertile octogenarian in a comment about Gasoline Alley. I’ll address proximate cause in the foreseeable future.
Mark Trail: “On tonight’s news, famed wildlife activist Mark Trail was gruesomely burned alive alongside a woman and a horse in a wildfire. As Trail was evacuated to a hospital while suffering third degree burns across his entire body, an official explained that he had, and I quote, ‘expected the wild horse to lead him out of the fire for some reason’.”
Gearhead Gertie: “In other news, an old woman has caused the highest casualty accident in the history of NASCAR by crashing a blimp into the racetrack.”
Mary Worth: In the rest of this storyline just gonna be Wilbur going insane and attacking people on the street amid a psychotic break? Because I really hope so, especially if it ends in cops gunning him down.
Shoe: “I’d like a fancy caffeinated drink.” This is how birds talk. I guess? Because it certainly isn’t how people talk.
MW missing panels:
[JURRRZ!] (which as everyone knows is the sound of a time machine)
“Die, you fiend… what? He’s already been pushed into traffic? Praise be, the dicatorship of Cherryjacket has been prevented! But who is the hero who has saved mankind?”
FG: Notice how Dale and Bok weren’t invited to the council.
Did Wilbur accidentally shove that old man into traffic, killing him?
@Guillermo el chiclero: re: FG: Schkrade was saving the Ice Giants for dessert. After Flash defeats them, Frigia will be at peace and he’ll have nothing left to do but take a good hard look at Dale and decide whether he’s gonna put a ring on that. How long is the ice cow giving him the ice cream for free, y’know what I mean?
I think what really annoys me about Gearhead Gertie is how the strip will come up with kind of a funny premise- Gertie has a V8 engine attached to her blender, Gertie steals the Goodyear blimp- but feels the need to overexplain the joke in the wordiest and most convoluted way possible. Plus, all the jokes are about NASCAR, so who gives a shit?
Meanwhile, in Mary Worth, at what point in the conversation did Wilbur wander away? Did Iris & Zak just watch him walk away mid-sentence in some kind of fugue state?
@Needless Exposition:
That fits so well
@Guillermo el chiclero: I DID notice that. Looks like horned dragonmen may apply when there’s punching to be done. It’s “thin blue line of heroes” when the drums begin to roll. Otherwise, it’s the back of the bus.
Dale, of course, is a girl.
@Weaselboy: Black Sunday, The Sting, The Taking of Pelham 123, Jaws ; where are the Robert Shaws of yesteryear?
@113 Davis: No, Wilbur purposely pushed the old guy into traffic. No accidentally about it.
Gearhead Gertie: I feel like a view of the race that is much, much higher up than even the cheapest nosebleed seats would not be all that great, but then I realized that Gertie had been staring off at absolutely nothing in the previous panel, so even the blimp view would be an improvement.
MW: It remains to be seen whether Wilbur is the Juggernaut of Shelly, “crushing out the being of all who strew the high road of life” or Twain, ” The kindest of gods. Any pretensions to rank or caste do not exist.” Hard to tell with only two data points. Let’s see who he shoves to the curb next.
I won’t be satisfied with this Mary Worth story until Wilbur shoves the wrong person and gets his shit kicked in. But this is the strip that utterly failed to drown him when he got drunk and fell off a cruise ship, so my hopes aren’t high.
I can see this, uh, joke… I guess happening in Pluggers, Shoe. I don’t know why I expected more of Shoe, but I guess I did. I must leave now and go rethink my life.
@Hibbleton: #121
“Let’s see who he shoves to the curb next.”
I really hope it will be Mary! As she brushes off the dirt and oil stains from her lavender top, she decides once and for all, “no more muffins for that miscreant.”
MW: I would really love to see a mashup between Wilbur and Rex Morgan’s “Street Sweeper” – that would be delightful!
@Daisy: It’s the ATTACK OF THE 50-INCH WILBUR!
@Finn: Iris and Zak said their goodbyes here, but Wilbur hardly noticed.
Rex Morgan – “Some of you might not want to see this.”
I don’t know about Sarah, but I’m sure that those two forty year old gnomes can handle it.
Looks Good On Paper – That looks like Libby, but she apparently ditched Pierre and married someone else.
JP – Dropping an anvil on the head is more subtle than this foreshadowing. However, Marciuliano is writing this, so maybe Blythe is throwing a surprise birthday party and doesn’t want the kid to know.
Frazz – I’d really like to know exactly which book the insufferable little genius thinks is better than the one he’s supposed to be reading.
Mary Worth – Why hasn’t he been arrested for assault?
FC – No way in Hades does Dolly listen to rap. HTT Grandma would have a stroke, but not before she wrote Dolly out of her will.
I wonder what the original strip said. Bob Dylan?
@Baja Gaijin: Sorry, dahling – I don’t model for pinatas… I think they use actual Asses or Burros, not Horse’s Asses, for models. However, I may be able to help you out on the pinata contents for Wilbur’s party. My high-grade MelodyManure is sold at fine gardening centers near you! Neatly packaged and ready to use. And my manure doesn’t stink! Oh, wait … that’s not what you had in mind, was it?
10 minutes agoDetails
To answer Josh’s question, I saw the edited for tv version onThe CBS Sunday Night Movies and read the MAD Magazine parody “BLIMP SUNDAY”, so between the two I got the jist of the story
@I speak Jive: It’s probably Finnegans Wake or something along those lines.
@Guy Nerdlinger:
@Weaselboy: Black Sunday, The Sting, The Taking of Pelham 123, Jaws ; where are the Robert Shaws of yesteryear?
_______________________
Well, in the examples you site…arrested,arrested,arrested,eaten by a shark.
@129 Melody Mare, keeping on brand: I should have known you’d not been a buttocks model. Thinking more about this, I’d want a nasty ass piñata not your shapely haunches mooning Wilbur. And yes, that’s not what I had in mind. When Wilbur whacks the piñata, I want nasty, pardon the expression, shit to spew out of the its crack.
GG is trying way too hard here. “An unidentified woman” or something would have been more than enough to make the progression of events clear, but Mike Smith chooses instead to beat us over the head with the joke, which means the reporter is awkwardly leading with some of the least important details about the story.
@Davis:
Dear god I hope so. We need something exciting to happen.
Mark and Diana are following a horse named Artemis through a fire. Diana, of course, is the Roman name for Artemis. Mark follows two women, one human, one equine, but really the same spirit of not only the hunt, but also of fire, recalling Artemis Amphipyros, torch-bearer. Remember – albeit ominously – the fate of Broteas, famed hunter, son of Tantalus and braggart, he who claimed to fear nothing, not even fire. Driven mad by Artemis Elaphebolos, deer-slayer and torch-bearer, he was forced to walk into a fire that consumed him. Consider Artemis Eupraxis, she who lights the altar for sacrifice, and Diana/Tana/Aradia, the Star Goddess and fiery womb that creates and transforms matter, and we can see that Mark, a fearless hunter, will not survive the night, but he will also not die, he will emerge as something else. Deep symbolism for a comic. Kudos to the writer.
9CL – The strip is basically a clip show at this point. We travel back in time to different episodes and relive them, saving the author the need to come up with anything new.
The entire school faculty apparently consists of the two Sisters, who are responsible for the only two students in attendance.
The Sister wanders in while child Edda and Amos are making out, and is so baffled by the scene that she gives up and has no idea what to do.
The school doesn’t seem quite as strict as the two twits remember it being.
Holy Burp Ward! Will Wilburp notice he didn’t get the SPLOOSH! Sound effect pushing Old Man Symmer that he got from pushing the kid.
Pibgorn – Sometimes I think he intentionally picks the most revolting possible scenes for him to go away on and not update for a month.
The misanthropy on display in the drawings of the three characters here is quite impressive. I hate all three of them on sight.
At least he finally got the drawing of Pib’s hand just right.
@Baja Gaijin: He “saved” the kid by accident but intentionally shoved the old man. Only one of those two is going to be relevant once the cops are finished bringing the Mayonnaise Menace to justice.
@140 Needless Exposition: I think the Mayonnaise Menace will be knocking people down like professional kegler knocking down pins. Or pluggers knocking down wedding guests as they stampede to the buffet line.
GA: I teach high school government, and am going to make sure all my students read the current
Gasoline AlleyElectric Acres story line so that they can get a look at how local government works. The writer captured it perfectly.@Baja Gaijin: We can only hope…and then pass the popcorn as we watch the events unfold.
@Roto13: I’m hoping he shoves a member of the Hells Angel’s who does look like a gorilla.
Wilbur has never met Keith Hillend, has he? I think this could be a good occasion for them to meet, when Wilbur calls Keith a big gorilla and tries to shove him towards the path of an oncoming car.
@taig: They’ve done the “Luann tries to drink black coffee to prove she’s an adult, then immediately spits it out in disgust” gag at least twice now. Don’t encourage Greg to keep redoing it; the strip feels repetitive enough as it is.
Blondie the Neighborhood Bumstead: “Hey, Dagwood Bumstead! Remember me?”
“”Why?, Are you edible?”
MW Is Wilbur wearing fingernail polish? It kind of looks like it.
Dustin: “Wow, seems like sleep issues run in our family. Maybe Mom should get tested for sleep apnea. And maybe should get one too since I have problems with sleeping.”
“…Are you still going on about that?”
Crank: Ugh. When Batty writes his author avatar humbly demuring as others praise him, he does realise we know he’s writing the other characters’ dialogue as well, right?
FG: Okay, I had to go way back to March to confirm that the giants have been mentioned before and it’s been implied – but not really made clear – that the behemoth that attacked the train is much bigger than a giant. That seems to be the sort of thing you want to establish clearly before your Possibly Treacherous Vizier is all “I think the giants have some connection to this giant!”
JP: Whatever Helena’s plan turns out to be, let’s not forget that if Alina hadn’t run into the room just then, Pavel would have already shot her.
MT: Since I stopped reading this months ago, it’s possible I’m missing something, but Artemis’s “secret path” to get past the fence looks a lot like a wide open space anyone could find, nowhere near any kind of fence.
MW, meta: I think Josh is speaking too soon. Tomorrow a piano or safe or giant anvil with “2,000 tonnes” written on it will plummet from the sky to land exactly where that guy would have been standing if not for the heroic Wilburman.
Archie – How about “Painting That’s Different Every Time You Look At It”?
Shoe: Ariana Grande sounds like a font, though not one used by the Treetops Tribune-Tattler.
@152 Jym Dyer:
It also sounds like the name of a maharachi band.
@Davis:
Did Wilbur accidentally shove that old man into traffic, killing him?
__________
No, I’m afraid we have to face the fact that nothing will kill Wilburp.
MW Nope. Psychedelic mushrooms in Mary’s muffins are not for everyone.
MT
Sorry, haven’t kept up, but how did they find themselves in a field surrounded by a fence they never noticed before with a wildfire and a horse that apparently visits frequently?
Does this have something to do with the insecticide guy? Or a bee extermination project gone wrong?
MW: Panel three – an Acme Products anvil falls from the sky and hits the pavement just where the old man would have been standing, had not Wilbur pushed him.
If you’re going to do “Wilbur, the accidental hero”, do it properly.
@taig: Yeah! It’s probably Ulysses. Caulfield would explain it to James Joyce if Joyce wasn’t dead.
@Calvin’s Cardboard Box: I’m not Catholic myself, but from what I’ve read about nuns and parochial school it’s a miracle that the little lovebirds are still alive. I’m sure that a nun would forcibly pull them apart and march them to the principal’s office at the very least, all the while hitting them with a ruler to within an inch of their lives.
MW-This will end with Mary sobbingly telling Wilbur about the muffins before she is forced to shoot him.
@I speak Jive: I was assigned Ulysses in a 1978 freshman literature class and am STILL pissed off. What does a 17 year old know about Irish nationalism, the street grid of Dublin, or masturbating over a crippled woman on a beach? Fudged over my term paper and took the Gentleman’s C.
I finally got through the whole novel during the centennial year, and I still understood only about four-fifths of it. “Blazes Boylan” is a great character name for an adulterer, though.
SHOE: I had no idea who Ariana Grande was until a few moments ago. My life is so much better now.
MW: That is an assault. *checks thread for “assault”* Yep, we Mudges know it’s an assault. I shall be irritated if Wilbur doesn’t suffer the consequences, because he isn’t a Daydream Believer, he’s a jerk.
GG: Everybody’s favorite comic strip NASCAR granny—and you can imagine how fierce the competition is!—also happens to be a Led Zeppelin fan who wants to recreate the cover of their first album.
MW: In a short—by soap strip standards—period of time, we’ve gone from “Can Wilbur find happiness?” to “Could Wilbur actually be a hero? (lol)” to “Who will do what needs to be done and take this menace out for good?” So you have to admit that there’s action and motion here, just as when a guy gets behind the wheel after eight shots of Scotch.
Shoe: Drop the punchline in the first panel, so you still have another panel to explain it. That’s just Humor 101.
@Bryan: Third time is a charm.
Hopefully this is when Wilbur will finally be arrested for his many crimes.
To be honest, “Ariana Grande” _is_ a dumb name.
MT: Having worked on prescribed grassland burns, I don’t even. What I resent is that now my brain has been infected with an image of Mark and Diana jumping onto the horse’s back, and sure enough, here comes Michael Martin Murphey. “We’ll be ridin’ Wildfire, we’ll be ridin’ Wildfire, we’ll be ridin’ Wiiiiiiildfiiire…”
@Ukulele Ike: Freshman lit? Your professor must have been a sadist.
You needed something between that and “See Spot Run,” which is assigned in Luann’s many Freshman lit classes.
@Ukulele Ike: I know it only by reputation. I’m sure that you understand four-fifths more of it than I would.
9CL: What can you say about a parochial school that can’t prevent hallway makeout sessions between its only two students? Not much more than you can say about the sixtysomething who extrudes this bilge.
C-Shaft: “Some would say that they also peaked when my protagonist Dinky Honklebone was a teenager with long hair and a dumb hat.”
DtM: Dennis’s little funny today is “You can’t fool me! This isn’t a dog, it’s a fence!” He needs to change his name to something like “Cecil the Imbecile.”
DT: From what we can see here Blowtop actually dons a smoking jacket when gets puffin’. Man has aspirations, that’s for sure.
Dustin: Dustin gets his share of grief for being a barely employable satellite kid. If dad wants to change the subject to mom’s sleep apnea, he’s not going to object.
GT: Keri Thorp is surprised at…Well, she’s just surprised in general, and chooses her t-shirts to make that clear.
RMMD: A sick dog with the runs? Baby, both the Morgan boys are in!
@Poteet: It’s battery, not assault. But I get why people prefer to say “assault.” It’s a much more serious-sounding word.
“He committed assault against me!”
“Oh no, the brute! Are you okay?”
“He committed battery against me!”
“Pfft. Whatever. Was it double-A or 9 volt, you big crybaby?”
MW: If Wilbur is taken into custody, he’ll blame Zak.
GA: This really is supposed to be the same Melba who is having a romantic thing with Rufus, right? I may be unable to quit GA, but that horse in the first panel is expressing my feelings.
JP: I said before that Charlotte is the only human character who deserves to escape from this strip. I’ll add Alina to the short list.
@I speak Jive: Try it! What’s to lose? You can always quit, and your granddaughter might pick up your copy years after and enjoy it.
Currently reading Malcolm Lowry’s Under the Volcano. NOT digging it. I may appreciate it more when I finish the last fifty pages. Saw the John Huston film with Albert Finney, Jackie Bisset, and Anthony Andrews back when it was new; figured I should attempt the book.
@Poteet: AIEEEEEE!!! IT’S IN MY HEAD NOW!
@jroggs: Bwahaha! Thank you, I think that will help me remember the difference, which I just looked up.
@161 Poteet:
Now you need to go to the next level and view her music video.
She’s not awful.
@jroggs: We just need to downplay assault to counter that.
“He committed assault against me!”
“Sure, and I bet you sneezed when he committed a pepper against you.”
@taig: *doubles over laughing*
@taig: It was an advanced class. The syllabus was the Iliad, the Odyssey, the Aeniad, the Divine Comedy, Don Quixote, and Ulysses. Over one semester. Fifty years later and my head still hurts.
@Jeffmcm:
To be honest, “Ariana Grande” _is_ a dumb name.
IDK, mid-century modern isn’t exactly a humdinger.
@Poteet: re: JP: I like the way you think. Ces should kill ALL the adults and move on to Charlotte and Alina having tea parties with their dolls and stuffed animals. Yellich can move in and take care of them both, preparing healthy meals and tucking them in at night.
He could also keep Neddy, for the T&A quotient.
@Sequitur: I’ll stick with Ma Rainey. She didn’t goop weird makeup all around her left eye.
I admit Ariana has more shapely legs, which count for something in our degraded video age.
@180 Ukulele Ike:
Neddy as the frustrated baby sitter.
@Ukulele Ike: That’s a lot of not-trivial material to get through in a semester. Wow.
@183 Ukulele Ike:
I wouldn’t go out of my way to listen to her but if she was playing I wouldn’t run away with my hands over my ears.
@183 taig:
Contrast that with Luann’s Freshman lit class where they studied the Berestain Bears.
I’m honestly wondering just how many hoops Moy is going to jump through in order to make Wilbur look like he’s the sympathetic party in this. After all, he’s gotten away with animal cruelty, falling off a boat while publicly intoxicated, stalking, having Mary gaslight for him…
If he gets away with this, then there’s no just God in the comic world.
@Sequitur: You’re giving Luann more credit than I gave her in my earlier comment.
@187 taig:
I think she covered “See Spot Run” in high school English.
@Charterstoned: #126
In my innocence, I am assuming the 50 inches refers to Wilbur’s height? :-)
@Ukulele Ike: I’d read all of those again before I read Ethan Fromme, but that list is still torture to a kid.
Blondie-Did someone try to produce a flop?
Luann-Dead I hope.
Dennis the Menace-Keep looking through that hole and I’m sure you’ll get an eyeful.
@180 Ukulele Ike: We have seen too many of these characters escape certain death, all too often, so let’s keep the bear around, just in case. And bring back the Buttress!
@Daisy: #189
Um, “height,” as opposed to “girth”…goodness – what else could I have meant???
@Ukulele Ike:
#167. I read Ulysses for the first time also during centennial year. It was supposed to be great so forced myself to finish it. Only part I distinctly remember is man telling nursing wife to squeeze some human milk into his coffee. (Tell me if this didn’t happen)
@192 Daisy:
I think we know what you were thinking.
That would have been noticeable down his pant leg.
Gearhead Gertie: I bet she’s also put a bomb in there a/la/The Hindenburg and George C. Scott has grabbed her by the shoulders, shaking her and screaming “THE BAAAAAAAAAAHM!!!!!!!!! WHERE IS THE BAAAAAAAAAHM!!!!!!!!!” LOL
@Sequitur: I agree — it ain’t painful. (Grande, not Rainey) I’d take a free ticket.
@Sequitur:
Luann had to take the class 4 times. It was hard to differentiate Mama from Papa. That is with her IEP enforced.
The yin was Wilbur knocking down, thus saving the child. The yang was knocking the old man down, thus causing injury. The zen of Wilbur is direct but unknowable action, visible only deep in a jar of mayonnaise .
@Ukulele Ike: To quote J.R. Williams: “Born thirty years too soon.” Nowadays you can find most of those in graphic-novel form.
@198 Dr. Pill:
(Sorry, Nietzsche.)
@taig: Add that to four other full-time courses, plus navigating all the tasty drugs available in 1978, first shot at legal booze, and sex with as many 18-year-old freshman girls as you can manage. I’m surprised it didn’t kill me.
@Activist 1234: I swear I don’t remember that part, even though the final scene of The Grapes of Wrath (book, not movie) is seared into my brain.
The best part thus far of Wilbur’s 60’s era superhero hallucinations is that he envisions himself only slightly more muscular and still with a healthy amount of male pattern baldness. Even his fantasies aren’t more potent than a standard course of Minoxidil.
@taig: to downplay assault to counter that.
You know the old German joke. Two peanuts were spazieren auf der Strasse, und vun of them vas assaulted…peanut!
@Ukulele Ike: The syllabus was the Iliad, the Odyssey, the Aeniad, the Divine Comedy,
What translation of Dante did you use? For me it was John Ciardi.
Late Thread Cuisine: Spicy Muffnuts. Need I say more?
@Sequitur: HAR! Although I dunno, having had a niece who begged for a daily diet of The Bears, and therefore having read many Bears books myself, I’m not sure that the more subtle nuances of the Brother Bear/Sister Bear relationship would fall within Luann’s level of comprehension.
@White Rabbit: Yeah, the 1970 Ciardi. It was better because it was NEW!!! (weeps)
@Ukulele Ike:
#202 Just checked Sparks Notes webpage
. This request made in Episode 18, Penelope.
@Sequitur: I’d like to see “love is…checking each other for ticks.” That would be one panel where the frequent total nudity would make sense.
@206 Baja Gaijin:
Ah, you’re slipping. Those actually look edible?
@210 Poteet:
Hmm.
@Ukulele Ike: Mine too.
@207 Poteet:
That’s why Luann got a D in that course.
@Baja Gaijin: That appears to be the good kind of spicy – spices such as cinnamon and/or ginger. If that’s what it is, it could be good.
Last year I made “donut holes” which were actually a pumpkin muffin-like batter with pumpkin spices baked in mini muffin pans. After they were out of the oven, the recipe called for them to be dipped in melted butter and rolled in cinnamon sugar. They were really good. I took them to a family gathering, and by the end they were completely gone. If the cuisine recipe is anything like that, it would be good.
Note: the recipe I used did not contain any horrible raisins.
@White Rabbit: I only know that joke in English.
@Baja Gaijin: That’s nuts!
MW: when did Wilbur become a delusional asshole?
@taig: Only Germans think it’s funny.
@taig, @Ukulele Ike: I actually struggled all the way through reading Finnegans Wake once. I understood maybe 2 percent of it. That 2 percent was actually damn clever and funny, but it wasn’t worth the effort!
@212 Sequitur: The name. Look at the name.
@216 I speak Jive: Spices: 3/4 tsp. ground nutmeg; 1/4 tsp. each ground coriander and ground allspice, optional, 1/2 tsp. cinnamon. Raisins are optional in the recipe.
@218 taig: Not just nuts, Muffnuts!
@White Rabbit: How does he smell? Oh, just awful!
@Old School Allie Cat:
Interesting you should say that, since the first time this joke ran in January 1968 it was Diana Ross that Biz mistook for a coffee drink.
@Sequitur: And probably struggled to do that well. I bet she spent at least a week trying to understand THE BERENSTAIN BEARS LEARN ABOUT STRANGERS.
@222 Baja Gaijin:
The name? Sounds a bit nasty. I bet Scratchy likes it.
@Professor Well Actually: About 9 months before Dawn was born.
@227 Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol:
“She was born in a crossfire hurricane and she howled at her ma in the drivin’ rain.”
@Sequitur: She was raised by a clueless combover gasbag;
She was schooled with a rigorous lollygag….
@Garrison Skunk: Well, in the examples you site…arrested,arrested,
arrestedelectrocuted ,eaten by a shark.FTFY. The Wife noted that that character committed suicide by third rail before he could be arrested.
@Anonymous: From what I gather, it’s some kind of
PokemonAI Large Language Model training facility. Since mining Bitcoin has become passe.Shoe: Well in that case, make mine a Lady Gaga!! Haha, relevant humor, eh?!
@232 JustSomeGuy:
How about an Absolut Gaga.
Late to the Gearhead Gertie party. Is the strip based on/hommage to garage-owning Gertie Growler from the old Tom Slick cartoon?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BLXInbNQG6I
GA: Wait, they had Disney Lawyers back then? We should be glad they didn’t add “the last living descendant of the King of Prussia”.
My great grandfather was born in England and decided to migrate, so got the cheapest fare to North America, which was to Canada. After living there a whole, he got surprised by a white-out blizzard. He was completely lost and very cold, so he cut the horses loose and kept his hand on the side of one while it found it’s way back to the barn.
His life saved by the horse, he took the most sensible next step and moved to Los Angeles.
(Where he studied engineering at UCLA and then became a ship’s engineer. He never missed a boat until he did and that one exploded, so he decided to move to farmland south of San Francisco and grow fruit instead, and then there was the 1906 earthquake….)