Josh gets cranky
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Shoe, 2/22/26
One of the ways that doing this blog over two decades has turned me into an actual insane person is that I feel obligated to speak up for strip lore that the strip’s creators and/or hired-hand continuators have forgotten. For instance, the way the Shoeniverse traditionally worked is that the bird characters ate lunch at Roz’s, which is an open air diner on a tree branch, and complained about the cooking, and in the evenings got drunk at a fern bar, which is a building with a roof on it, and tried to have sex with one another. Lately, though, it seems like the locations are getting conflated and there are more and more strips where the characters are getting drunk at Roz’s, and I don’t care for it. I’ve been consoling myself with the idea that these are still daytime strips and the bird characters are just so depressed these days that they’re openly getting blotto at lunch, but the dialogue here establishes this as an evening recreational drinking binge, so my concerns are clearly justified.
Judge Parker, 2/22/26
Oh, man, remember how April disappeared and then Randy went off to rescue her and also disappeared? Well, now it looks like she is gonna end up rescuing him, ha ha! Boy, he’s never going to hear the end of this, or maybe, due to his proximity to this massive explosion, he’s never going to hear anything ever again.
Pluggers, 2/22/26
YOU, AN ETERNAL OPTIMIST: Ahh, even cranky old pluggers can still enjoy moments of childlike whimsy.
ME, AT AGE 51 BECOMING MORE AND MORE AN ACTUAL PLUGGER BY THE DAY: Oh god, look at how they’re lying on that uneven ground without any cushions or anything. Look at how she’s propping herself up awkwardly on her elbow. They’re going to be in pain for days! They’re not even going to be able to walk back to their car!
98 replies to “Josh gets cranky”
Judge Parker:
WEE-WOO-WEE-WOO
“Wow. Someone’s doing a Del Shannon chorus out there!”
JP: That’s some explosion. It blew all the melatonin off the warden.
Pluggers:
“That one looks like us! — fundamentally shapeless, and just kind of drifting aimlessly, and without a rudder, from instant to instant.”
FC-“We know what you’re doing in there, Mommy.”
MW-“A cat that I could pet while laughing manically.”
RMMD-She wishes one of her ex-husbands still loved her enough to pretend to be the butler.
RMMD-If Hef was still alive he would pay for pictures of the maid.
Slylock Fox-Kids today have no idea what an incandescent light is.
Judge Parker:
“When April Bower may come your way….”
— Al Jolson, Judy Garland, Bing Crosby, etc. (adapted)
Judge Parker:
Dead bodies lying around, with the signature “legs sticking out” montage. Just another day at the shop for this strip.
MW: “Yes, I’ve always wanted an orange cat that would love lasagna and hate Mondays.”
Phantom:
“We’ve been nothing but nice to the guy, and all he wants to do is to get out of here?!? — we should throw him back in the water from whence he came!”*
*Queen Bandarontherun, in the Bandar tongue
I honestly love that Shoe is still sticking it to Tip O’Neill in year of our bird lord 2026. He did like to hit the sauce, didn’t he! Ha ha, that’s probably why he’s been dead for over 30 years.
MW: So, they’re apparently doing the “Mary gets a cat” thing, proving right all of the commenters here who said the strip has completely lost it. Though I’m mildly intrigued by Mary insisting on the hypoallergenic cat for Jeff’s sake, since it suggests Jeff spends more time at her apartment than we’ve ever been shown.
Shoe:
Wow. This is just like The Thomas Crown Affair.
Nah. Not really.
@Bob Tice: All the upvotes, man. We are not worthy.
JP: Why does April need the enormous bomb? This is a Scandinavian prison we’re talking about! They probably let you in through the front door if you ask nicely!
Shoe: I’m assuming that we’re not seeing Roz here because she’s off getting a can of kerosine and a book of matches to delouse cafe, and maybe the whole town, of these vermin.
JP: What’s funny about this strip is that in a moth’s time we’re going to have a scene of Katherine trying to figure out what to make for dinner that is going to be presented with the same gravity.
Pluggers Yeah, if there’s one generation that is all about enjoying the simple whimsical pleasures of life, it’s the Plugger one…
RMMD: Unhappy fat woman returns to home town where, thanks to June Morgan’s Boot Camp, she acquires a socially acceptable body type. Then (and only then) does she find love where she least expected it. Brought to you by Hallmark and Weight Watchers.
PLUGGERS: Wouldn’t animals see people-shaped clouds?
SHOE: At first glance, Birdie Supreme Court came to mind.
CS: That wasn’t Crankshaft’s reaction the many times he himself caused the ice sculptures to melt, through his own malicious incompetence.
Luann: So…. Luann’s going to poop on the floor?
JP: My nominee for throwaway panel of the year.
Pluggers: Should you really tell a dog-man you see a bunny rabbit in the sky? He’ll be chasing it for hours, but never, ever catch it.
I’ll believe those two are actual Pluggers if they start ranting about chemtrails.
JP: Every time I think, this couldn’t get any stupider, Marciuliano says, “Hold my beer.”
Pluggers: Pluggers have fallen and can’t get up. But at least they can watch the clouds until help comes.
Pluggers are too intellectually stunted to visualize the profile of Thomas Eakins or the Stoning of St. Stephen in the clouds like kids of yore.
My headcanon is that Judge Parker exists in the Idiocracy timeline. The main cast succeeds because they’re not self-destructively stupid, merely ordinary stupid people from the distant past. In other words, Judge Parker is basically Gasoline Alley.
Mary Worth Mashups: I didn’t like the final panel. Do you like any of the linked new final panels hit ya in the funny bone?
RMMD: Lorna Starr was once a world-famous Roots Country singer. I wonder if she will do a cover of Muddy Boots?
Luann: Because you were too busy stuffing your face with donut holes to take the dog out to pee.
MW I’m sure I said it the last time that last panel was used, but with the demarcation line on Mary’s right upper arm, she is clearly patting herself on the back while intimacy-starved Dr Jeff dramatically hugs his own right arm to left shoulder. Maybe… Jeff thinks maybe if she’s distracted holding a pet I’ll be able to actually lean in and touch her…
meanwhile Judge Parker and Dick Tracy are fiercely battling for Stupidest Prison Escape. We’ve got nobody noticed the skidoo across the bare icy plain versus the Russian mercenaries got a freakin’ *tank* onto US soil…
MW: Mary gets a cat. The Mrs. Slocombe level of pussy jokes just writes themselves.
@Deadly Goon Bugs: More likely an Appletini
@Baja Gaijin: falling AC unit, definitely. It’s now a Mary Worth classic
@Banana Jr. 6000: Has he ever actually caused them to melt? I thought his malicious incompetence usually consisted of slicing them up with a chainsaw or crashing into them with his school bus.
JP: Apparently this super-secret, super-remote prison in some former Soviet wasteland was manned by all of four people: The warden, the guard currently babbling like an idiot, and the two that broke up Randy’s meet cute with Santa Clause, who now appear to be really most sincerely dead. Are we even sure there were even any other inmates at this places beyond Randy and Santa?
RMMD: Ah, she’s off to visit her long-lost Uncle/Grandpa/Whatever, Truck Tyler, so they can reminisce on the Thinkin’ Bench!
Luann: Yes, Evansii, treating yourself to another donut hole is just like urinating on the floor. [facepalm meme]
SFx: This is obviously another one of Count Weirdly’s scams. His so-called time machine looks nothing like a Delorean.
RMMD: Starkey as her cover name as a maid would be cool so probably not .
@Baja Gaijin: All three of them would have been a better ending than the real strip.
Marvin: Not sure what the message is here. Have fun pissing all over everything now, Marvin. One day you’ll be too weak to piss in anything but a bedpan.
FC: “We’re thirsty and couldn’t find Daddy.”
[Voice from the shower] “I’m here! Oops”
Wary Morth:
Orange cat?
She wants an orange cat?
Garfield, Heathcliff, Bill the Cat, and Hobbes are drawing straws to see who ends up with the short one.
@The Quiet Man:
Luann: Yes, Evansii, treating yourself to another donut hole is just like urinating on the floor. [facepalm meme]
You know, we compare this strip to Dustin a lot, but I don’t know if it would ever make the same equation.
“DustinDad pigging out on those donuts in the breakroom is the same as if he shat himself” is just not something I see that strip ever getting into.
@Baja Gaijin: I hope the shark doesn’t get food poisoning from eating these toxic people.
Sherman’s Lagoon:
At least the coelacanth knows how to hold a phone, unlike anyone in Mary Worth.
RMMD – When you wish for Lorna Starr / Makes no difference who you are / Any pic your heart desires / Will come to you…dressed as a maid
You are a Plugger if you cannot enjoy a moment of childish wonder without sticking it to the so called experts! Weather forecasters are the most arrogant members of the coastal elite!
@Ukranazi Stepan:
I remember that the “Garfield 40th anniversary” special “Graphic Novel”* has an “interview” with Garfield where he is asked the question “Which other comic on the funnies page would you like to work with?”, to which he replies “Mary Worth. That old biddy could be a lotta fun.”
So I don’t think he would be that reluctant to do it.
*It’s more of a compilation album with a bunch of articles/guest art.
@Dan: Upvotes that this site doesn’t have (would sure make the comments of the week post a little fairer, huh?) for pointing out exactly what I was gonna say!
@Dan: Upvotes that this site doesn’t have (would sure make the comments of the week post a little fairer, huh?) for pointing out exactly what I was gonna say!
Pluggers reject the labelling of woke weatherman.
@Anonymous: If it did, it would probably be Dustin’s Wilburesque buddy Mitch who craps themselves while DustDad gives his typical condescending reaction to his wife’s side eye with his mouth full of a gigantic Boston Creme long john.
You are a Plugger if you still say “Bunny Rabbit”, at least with your fellow Pluggers, even though the B-word is the N-word for Rabbit Pluggers
JP – To answer your question in the penultimate panel, I’m going to say none.
The proposal to scientifically classify clouds based on their resemblance to rabbits did not pass peer review. That’s why there are no Plugger scientists!
What crime did these Norwegian guards commit to deserve being blown up? Well, Norway should not have surpassed the USA in the medal count at the Winter Olympics!
Slylock Fox is not watching the world’s first telephone call because Count Weirdly is a Phillipp Reis truther.
Dustin: I appreciate the way Kelley and Parker show certain amounts of bare nude sculpture in pnael two. But shouldn’t they have covered up the blatant kajigger in that last panel? Sure, it’s abstract, but we all know what we’re looking at.
H&L: “College”, Ditto? You should know better about Chip. And while you’re at it, how about you get a head start on your own reasonable expectations?
Why does Gasoline Alley go with Washington? It’s the Franklin Pierce of legacy comics, after all.
DtM: Mr. Wilson carping about technology making things go downhill, while reading a newspaper? Wait until he discovers the telegraph.
Crankshaft: Yes, the third day of the ice carving festival is sad. So why does this look like the fondant festival was left out in the sun?
Beetle Bailey: Sarge should be in the Quartermaster Corps.
A&J: This is a nice nod to Bill Watterson.
MW – So Mary wants to get an orange “cat”? Maybe a few piercings and some tattoos as well? This strip continues to evolve, albeit slowly.
@30 CanuckDownSouth: Flaming falling air conditioner!
@The Quiet Man: There was one year where Crankshaft backs up his bus next to the ice sculptures and melts them somehow.
On a personal note: You and I have been talking about shyness in the context of Luann. I have a post on another blog about shyness in the context of Funky Winkerbean. It’s a window into my own struggles with shyness, and why an incompetent portrayal of shyness in FW angered me so much. I was thinking you might find it beneficial.
JP: Oh, it’s so cute how the strip is trying to pretend we don’t already know it’s April doing the slo-mo action walk through the hole she just blasted in the prison wall! Kind of like a four-year-old with a mouth covered in chocolate trying to pretend they weren’t sneaking cookies.
(Caveat: If Randy calls the rescuer “April” before her identity has been revealed, then all bets are off because it will almost certainly not be April. Randy’s idiocy trumps everything else.)
Pluggers have reached the stage in life where childlike behavior isn’t “whimsical and fun” so much as it is “signs of incipient dementia.”
BB: For whatever reason, this one reminds me of a newspaper article I read some years back about how U.S. soldiers are heavier today than at any point in the nation’s history. There were no specifics between body fat and muscle mass, but apparently mess halls decided to stop serving French (er, sorry, Freedom) fries to help soldiers lose a pound or two.
ZITS: If I ever had my own colorist, I’d still want some input on the process, if only to make sure the colors remain consistent from strip to strip. I always remembered Jeremy’s blanked to be purple (or some similar shade). But now, all of a sudden, he’s wrapped up in…what? Sandbags? Feces?
@Hibbleton: Oh, well done.
Lorna Starr is just like Norma Desmond, except fat instead of old. I can’t wait to see the contempo version of Max — probably based on 1990s Dieter from Sprockets.
”Miss Starr iss de greatest star of dem all…touch my monkey.”
@Baja Gaijin yesterday’s no 81:
A tentacle that phallic would kill Mary at the sight of it alone!
Mary Worth: The whole “allergies” issue is going to be a moot point when Dr. Jeff snaps his own neck, twisting to avoid Mary’s face and/or to scope out a hotter old biddy up the boardwalk as he is.
MW: This strip could take a page from Dick Tracy, and would be greatly improved by drone attacks during Sunday strips
Marvin: They managed to get through a whole week without poop or urine jokes, and well, here we are, second day in a row.
C’Shaft: An almost tolerable one panel comic, no obnoxious wordplay or characters going on and on about the history of comics, or Batiuk doing any more faux-history of his fictional comic publisher.
Dustin: Finally, some pointed commentary on selfies. Next, Dustin takes on timely subjects like the rise of cigar bars and holiday struggles to get those popular new Tickle-Me-Elmo dolls.
@TheDiva: I suppose maybe, just *maybe*, it’s CIApril’s mom Blythe Danner. That’s really the only other person we could have as a ‘what a twist!’ moment. Unless, that is, CIApril picked up her own Reena POC bestie during all that time she was off-panel and she was sent to do CIApril’s dirty work while she was layed up with a hands-cleaning ‘broken leg’ back at the safehouse.
P.S. I was also thinking yesterday that perhaps the last we see of Bogdan he’s back home in Whereever-stan getting a bear hug from his long-lost brother Wurst, but maybe that *is* Wurst dancing through the explosion, having finally gotten to the gym and dropped several pounds, and he’s here to rescue Bogdan instead. ‘You April’s husband? I not here for you! Die miserably, Americanski!’
BCN: Honestly, I wish my cats had this ability. Then maybe they’d be able to distinguish between “going into the pantry to get the kitty treat bag” and “going into the pantry for literally anything else.”
C’shaft: Yes there is. It’s called the “punchline” of a Crankshaft strip.
DT: Yes, when you’re sneaking up on a guy who’s holding a semi-automatic weapon that could turn you into Swiss cheese before you can get within choking distance, it’s important to crack your knuckles loudly so he knows you’re there.
Dustin: “Anyway, let’s go back to talking about how I, as a Middle-Aged White Man, am right about everything and anything that does not cater specifically to my needs and interests is stupid and probably immoral.”
MW: Orange cats are often depicted as being on the lower end of domestic feline intelligence, which means one will fit in perfectly with the Mary Worth cast.
RMMD: Forget it, Lorna. Even if you’re body-shamed into going back to your former weight you’re still over thirty, so Hollywood will want nothing to do with you.
Shoe – It’s AI-generated comic strip night! Seriously, would any human come up with this bizarre composition, in which the second panel is spilling over into the first? It even undermines the lame gag!
JP – “I think out front.” “Well, we’re supposed to be a secretive organization. Think in back!”
Pluggers – Plus, that plugger dog’s gonna be covered with ticks. Can chickens get ticks? I guess they’ll find out.
Don Abundio, translated:
“It’s pretty cold out, so I’ll let you train in your uniforms just this once”
“Thank you, Don Abundio! You’re so good to us!”
“I’m sure glad we don’t have to run laps in bikinis today!”
Dustin: I’ve never been in an art museum where ancient, classical, non-western, romantic, and abstract sculpture were jumbled together in one room. Maybe it’s a real….small museum?
SCULPTURE ROOM — IF YOU LIKE STATUES, YOU’LL PROBABLY FIND SOMETHING GOOD IN HERE
“Ok, then who is the real senator Belfry?”
“No one, they are all tribute cosplayers. Don’t you remember? Senator Kennedy — Belfry, whatever — died almost twenty years ago! You really are drunk!”
A Plugger knows that although doctors might call this behavior a symptom of dementia, noise-canceling headphones can bring a few precious moments of peace and quiet.
Pluggers: Peanuts did it much better decades ago.
So, no Dick Tracy/Judge Parker crossover? Disappointed.
@Baja Gaijin: The flaming air conditioner!
JP: It’s Charlotte….from the FUTURE!
Purple Stripeypants Origin Story, v. 376: “Look, just get me to Philly. I can get pick up a bus there to Omaha.”
@Little Guy: “Peanuts did it much better decades ago” is like “Christ, what an asshole”: it suits any comics
Don’t know who the young lady Jeff is embracing in the last panel is, or where she came from, but she bears no resemblance to Mary. Good work, Jeff, now the story is getting interesting
RMMD: Just how many ex-wives does Truck have?
Maybe she was a hairdresser before going into showbiz, and will get back to her roots in Glenwood. Her hair looks marginally better than the other characters.
Phantom: All the passing ships know it’s YOU over there on the beach. Stop talkin’ and get walkin.’
@Banana Jr. 6000: I appreciate you sharing that. I was only a toddler at the time of your story*, but it still resonates. I guess my reading of those older strips is tainted by my following of FW since discovering this blog and seeing what an asshole Les was turned into and not being able to read the originals in real time.
I think I ought to disclose some more about myself. After about a year’s worth of therapy I’m finally on apps and have actually gone on dates. So far nothing has clicked where it’s lasted more than about a month in real time. I actually just went out yesterday with a woman who’s new to my area, was quite nice and seemed to share a specific interest, but I have a sneaking suspicion that our date wasn’t very stimulating (I didn’t want to just nerd out on one topic, so there were quiet stretches where I didn’t know what to talk about next and I felt it was too soon to broach the subject of what she may or may not desire of me physically) and she’s going to be conveniently ‘busy’ when I reach out and ask if she’d like to see me again.
Granted, that’s clearly more than Les ever did to earn anyone’s affection, but it’s still frustrating to think I still haven’t found the right balance between being the unthreatening, fairly uninteresting person a woman can just hang out with without being hit on, and, well… I can’t even find the words to describe it right now without making me sound like the *other* Les we know here on this blog or even [terrified shudder] *Wilbur*…
*As an adolescent I remember discovering Bloom County through their ominbus ‘Bloom County Babylon’ (with ‘Billy and the Boingers’ coming soon after) and thinking ‘this is *really good*!’
Just like when they were young, Pluggers believe that “you don’t need to be a weatherman to know which way the wind blows”. To be fair, back then the meaning was SLIGHTLY different
MW: Not sure you will find “orange” and “hypoallergenic” as shared descriptors for any kind of pet cat—unless you’re talking about Mary dyeing her crotch the shade of a pumpkin and being less crotchety when it comes to Jeff petting her.
@65 Peanut Gallery: It’s a symbiotic relationship: plugger Dogman gets ticks, plugger ChickenWife pecks them off of him.
DT: So, did this one missle(?) from a drone somehow automatically open all the cell doors and the inmates are running rampant? Is there some sort of protocol where if the prison comes under attack the guards just summarily execute everyone instead of mounting any sort of defense?
Wait! That title panel. Why is that “Roz’s” sign pointing to a place with a door and window? Do customers have to go through that door then get to the actual restaurant part through a higher door, or can they just fly to the higher branches and the door is just an “Employees Only” situation? Damn it, this is all so confusing. This comic is for the birds.
***
“HOW MANY @#$%ING GUARDS DO WE HAVE OUT THERE?!?”
You’re in Norway, soooo… 3? You’re the damned warden, so you should know.
***
Pluggers also have ways to describe “experts” with their so-called educations. What, you think you’re better than them?
@MKay: Re: RMMD Yeah, going back to Shlubsville USA is really going to get this woman back into shape (The ‘Diner Slop’ diet works wonders!” Buck proclaims before hardening his arteries shoveling more chicken-fried lard down his gullet.)
Basically this sounds like it’s going to be a “Hot in Cleveland” scenario if all the funny and interesting parts were taking out.
@Charterstoned: The Siberian, Javanese, and Cornish Rex can have orangey colour fur and produce less of the usual allergen protein (why yes, I keep on googling to see just how bonkers this will get…)
MW What this strip really needs is for Mary to order a Sphinx cat but through a Galactic mail-order accident receive a baby Lying Cat
@Anonymous:
“Yeah, but I know who it does sound like!” proclaims Tom Armstrong as he grabs a pencil while the burst of inspiration for the next three days of strips is still fresh in his mind.
@CanuckDownSouth: I’m with you on the bonkers trajectory. Do you ever get the uncomfortable feeling that we readers are being tested by Moy to see just how far she can go?
@Baja Gaijin: Ha HA! and ewww.
Pluggers need an editor, that joke is longer than War and Peace.
@Charterstoned: Oh, all the time. Honestly, if Moy would lean in to her bonkers plots and just let the strip become Psychic Pet Action Hour, after a transition period of “these are the consistent new rules of the universe, suspend disbelief all ye who read here!” well, it wouldn’t be *good*, but it would be a lot more *entertaining*
I am going to hand it to Judge Parker. No expectations for the storyline but that last panel rocks. I hereby induct “Beparka’d April strides through the demolished prison gate” into the Soap Strip Panel Hall of Fame along with “Shootout on the Santa Royale docks,” “Margo Magee’s apocalyptic finger quotes,” and “Mark Trail destroys three yokels with one tree branch.”
[on further review, it was Lucy destroying the three yokels one with tree branch. I also wanted to induct a particular Rex Morgan facepalm but no way to find that needle in the haystack that is the 2200 Rex Morgan posts in the archives.]
@Baja Gaijin: All are great (as usual) torn between the last two. Rene is due for a come back. But the last one with the subtle swing set on the moon takes the prize!
@85 CanuckDownSouth: When no one’s looking, Wilbur’s going to color the cat with orange Magic Markers. He then eats the cat because they’re orange-scented markers.
@90 matt w: “…that joke is longer than War and Peace.” And just as funny.
@Little Guy: She works her way to the Principal’s office despatching the goons and Bogdan with barely any exertion. Randy is stunned and she says to him “come with me if you want to live.”
@93 treetown: I wondered if anyone’d notice the “Swingset on the Moon.” Now everyone knows when this panel was last used.
@MKay: RM: Hey! They stole that plot from a Mary Worth story back in the Sixties? Seventies? The woman’s name was Tina Small. Nice use of irony, guys.