The comments don’t actually make sound, that’s a metaphor
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Mary Worth, 2/23/26
Yes Yes! YES!!! We did it, we endured the parrot storyline and its aftermath and have been rewarded by a near-forgotten Mary Worth plot-shifting staple: a pool party! And this pool party features an exciting new character: a dapper widower whose year-long period of mourning is now over so it’s once again legal for him to speak to a woman. “I wonder how he’s doing,” Toby says idly. “I wonder what he thinks about parrots. I wonder if he has more money than, say, an English professor at a second-tier state university. I mean, you don’t go around wearing an ascot in public because you’re poor.”
Dennis the Menace, 2/23/26
I feel like Dennis the Menace may be spending too much time on Dennis insulting his mother’s cooking and harassing his elderly neighbor and not enough time exploring the reasons why the Mitchells are apparently bouncing from denomination to denomination. It seems like Alice in particular is on a spiritual journey and Henry is getting sick of it. “Look, I don’t care if we’re Presbyterians or Unitarian Universalists or snake-handlers or whatever,” he told her, “but I’m not coming until you settle on one.”
Pluggers, 2/23/26
There’s a lot to think about here. My initial instinct was that this plugger had to be at home — pluggers don’t work in front of a computer, they have real blue-collar jobs that involve, like, tools or something — and so this plugger has come home from a hard day’s work and is exemplifying proper life-work balance by dozing off while reading the headlines on Yahoo! News. But then I began to suspect that, in our fallen, post-industrial age, even a plugger’s professional life is dominated by the glow of a screen, and so this plugger is supposed to be “working” and after eight hours of this will head home to watch sports from his recliner, where he’ll also fall asleep. Which interpretation is correct? Sound off in the comments!
100 replies to “The comments don’t actually make sound, that’s a metaphor”
MW:
“My goodness! — I didn’t think that what the two of them are doing on this screen was anatomically possible!”
Mary Worth:
“Never mind that we haven’t consoled him or so much as had any contact with him whatsoever in the year since his wife passed. I’m bored! — let’s go talk to him now!”
MW- a year since his wife died, and this is the firstvwe heard of it? Damn it Mary, all the stories in the past year have been so weak, I think you could have made time to check on your neighbor’s mental health. Turn in your meddle muffins!
DtM:
The ill-fitting outfit the Rev is sporting is better suited to academia.
MW: “At the Charterstone pool party,” who doesn’t wear an ascot to the social event of the year? Frankly, Mary and her protégé are seriously underdressed.
Pluggers:
You know you’re a plugger when you stare at computer screen backgrounds the way you used to stare at TV test patterns in the ’50s and ’60s.
The work/life balance issue is, for me, eclipsed by the hand/finger balance issue. Do Pluggers have one hand with seven fingers, or two hands — one with three, one with four?
“you don’t go around wearing an ascot in public because you’re poor” …or young.
Pluggers: A Plugger’s work-life balance would make a tech startup employee in China say “Whoa, buddy, take some time for yourself.”
DTM: Looking back through archives shows that religions come and go but one thing in constant in the Mitchell’s faith: their ministers must always have the most freakishly long necks and twisted torsos.
MW: Don’t you just hate it when you invite Vincent Price to your pool party but he just spends all his time on his phone?
It’s not an Ascot, it’s a day cravat.
MW: There doesn’t appear that too many people are at this pool party. Are Mary Worth pool parties the equivalent of a Hyacinth Bucket candlelight suppers?
Putting all my chips on it now, Mary and Toby heard “confirmed bachelor” and assumed it meant “widow.”
Dennis appears to be wearing his shirt and coat over his red overalls, he really half-assed dressing up.
I think my comments are being hit by a modbot.
Phantom:
“Sir? Are you in command?”
“Well, the person who’s actually in command here runs through the jungle in a form-fitting purple leotard, accessorized with tighty stripies!”
“Okay — I’m just going to drop this fellow off here with you, then. Gotta skedaddle. It’s been real!”
@Lurker Who Rarely Comments: That’s easy. The middle one isn’t a finger.
Pluggers: To be fair, he was trying to perform his Lenten Penance of watching the Family Circus Easter Special in its entirety.
CS: This is Week 10 of the Batton Thomas interview, or as we call it, the Batton Death March.
Luann: This comic strip increasingly feels like it’s about young adults who can’t grow up, and their parents who can’t make them. Really, cooking a meal was too much for Luann to manage?
JP: Mary Sue has come to save the day!
@Banana Jr. 6000: That would be an impressive length, I guess that’s why they’re called “pluggers”.
I had a colleague once who would fall asleep at his desk. Full on head back, mouth open, snoring asleep. If someone walked past his desk he could immediately snap back awake, randomly scrolling up and down in the document he had open for this purpose. A minute later he’d be back asleep. I used to have this on video but alas, that phone died without a back up copy.
He’s been promoted twice since then.
Dennis the Menace-Dennis, don’t tell people about your dad’s impotency.
MW: No, I’m sorry. As thrilled as I am to move on from “parrots are great,” I refuse to look at this man’s jowls for the next eleven weeks.
GT: “Ms. Thorp—” “I prefer Miz.” Unless Keri’s pronouncing that “Meez,” they’re the same word. The principal should have said “Miss.”
JP Randy is horrified but… but *I* was supposed to escape and be the rescuer, I swear I fulfilled all the “ordinary man gets pushed beyond his limits for love of his family and acquired action-hero status” checklist, dangit! this was finally supposed to be *my* time to shine!
GT Is there some regionalism / dialect I’m missing? Because “Ms.” and “Miz” are pronounced the same way where I come from. The writers seem to be forgetting the characters aren’t supposed to be able to read the speech bubbles.
@Maltmash3r: “Wife,” aren’t you cute.
DtM: Maybe he’s more concerned that this is Pastor Carl Lentz, back in the pulpit again after being caught in a scandalous affair? “Well at least Dennis is safe, I don’t need to be there to protect him,” Henry thinks.
Remember when people used to dress up for church? Remember when people used to go to church, on Sunday rather than Monday? Dennis the Menace remembers, and you will too, dammit.
MW: why is nobody at this pool party wearing swimsuits? And no I’m not asking to see Wilbur frolicking in a Speedo but an ascot seems like a little overdressed.
Also Dennis the Menace: I’m beginning to suspect this “Ferdinand” fellow likes to hang around his local ecumenical ministerium and caricature the various members of the clergy who show up. Still, today’s entry is better than Barack Obama getting ready to devour Dennis in three bites.
Unfortunately, this plugger’s job was monitoring Epstein’s cell.
@Professor Well Actually: I will buy that California-adapted folks will find the February temperatures not exactly appealing to jump in the pool but I agree that any “meet by the pool” gathering ought to be far more casual. Where’s Fashion Police with a ruling?
@Banana Jr. 6000:
I find it entirely believable that it would be. (I mean, even at Wennieworld, notice that she doesn’t work in the food prep area?)
But have you considered that you may have just the teensiest bit of bias against our heroine? I mean you’re so busy ranting about her lack of adult survival skills, that you fail to notice how incredibly cheap she is. In any case, we can’t be too hard on her. I think it’s still kinda impressive that a 12 year-old like her who still has to take remedial kindergarten has the skills to call in orders and…(aide whispers in my ear)…WHAT?! She’s how old?!
MW – Guy seems perfectly happy reading The Comics Curmudgeon on his phone, but sure, go fuck with him, why don’t cha?
@Liam: I’ve had one disappear too, without the usual warning about the comment awaiting moderation. Odd. It’s a shame, it was a decent Vincent Price joke.
I’m not going to lie, I’ve been known to fall asleep at my computer for a micro-nap while working from home. Intentionally. I’m talking 5 minutes and I feel like a new woman (or kangaroo-dog lady, whatevs).
Will I do it on the days I work in office? Absofreakinglutely not. I’m lazy and menopausal, not stupid.
I am a Plugger – I’ve known this for awhile.
An ascot and a pocket square? Ooh la la! Look at Old Man Fancy Boy over there!
***
Pastor Beardo isn’t even listening to Dennis. He’s just quietly judging Alice for letting him wear those pants with that ensemble.
***
Pluggers rarely pleasure themselves because they can’t stay awake long enough to find porn on their computers.
DtM: “…when he’s good and ready…” Dennis tries to imply that his milquetoast dad is a mafia enforcer. “And no more sermons on the sins of gambling. Capeesh?”
Even if Dennis’s whole deal is relaying overheard comments from his parents to extremely inappropriate third parties, he shouldn’t eavesdrop outside the bedroom.
Pluggers – Is this guy dreaming that he needs a CPAP machine?
Congratulations to June Brigman for perfectly rendering the facial expression of someone who is perfectly content not to be talked to by Toby Cameron and Mary Worth.
MARY WORTH: It’s sad that Mr Howell has become so demented that he still thinks he’s on the island.
Ascot guy: “Hmm. Ginger looks just as good as I remember, but I dare say, Mary Anne has really let herself go!”
CS: The Battom interview has been going on the whole time during the dog house arc.
MW: “Yes, there he is, off to the side from the fellow dressed up like Scott Thompson as his character Buddy Cole.”
Intelligent Life: The punchlines for any of these strips come off as so stilted, even when they aren’t about awkwardly phrased jokes about pop culture.
Fix up a nice plate of quality pellets and casually saunter over, Toby. Putting Sunny on your shoulder might be a nice icebreaker.
Dennis the Menace: I don’t think much of the black-and-white stained glass window in the church. Where are they, the Church of Jesus Christ, Polka Dot?
Dennis doesn’t know why they keep switching churches, but even he has noticed all the clergy are young attractive men and his dad is tired of his mom’s shit.
MW: It’s Peter O’Toole, back from the dead!
@Charterstoned: Just barely.
JP: April blew up the prison, killed all the guards, and cut off all communications all to get to Randy. Seems like a major imbalance in the risk reward equation but I guess when the girl’s gotta have it.
Chix (sic): Bannerman taps into her sympathetic vampire audience.
@Banana Jr. 6000:
On Luann : you (correctly) address how the title character is often regressed into being a barely-competent teenager, I’m noting that the strip just has Bwad there, as if he hasn’t moved away and gotten married and has his own family now.
(I’m thinking the reason Bwad is here is because he’s replacing the (inexplicably) absent Bernice, because SOMEONE has to play the role of “idiot kid Luann’s age (or younger) who thinks she’s KILLING IT at being a grown-up”, to contrast with Mr and Mrs DeGroot’s obvious disappointment)
@2+2=7:
Hey, Luann CAN cook (kinda), it’s a crucial plot point in one of the ongoing storylines that she can at least make a boiled egg!
Dennis the Menace: I grew up Catholic and I’ll admit I never go to church anymore. I think new stained glass windows might stir up my interest. I mean, “Madonna Presenting Behaloed Infant” and “Veronica Wipes the Face of Jesus,” were okay for their day, but if they’d go with this polkadot idea. . .
MW: Baja, did you have anything to do with this Pool Party Cuisine? Looks like they’re being treated to a whole chunk of meat, a salad, some sort of shrimp-like substance, and then whatever is in that enormous bowl. As usual, there are no eating utensils or napkins, and no beverages. I’m baffled.
@32 2+2=7: Call in an order? Luann? Really, you overestimate her brainpower. She plucked barely-touched Wowieweenies from the garbage as she was bussing tables.
Luann: This’ll be the first weenie LuannMom’s had in quite a while that rates a “wowie.” Yes, that’s a slam on LuannDad’s bedtime prowess.
MARY WORTH: Some of you heathens are doing some judgey questioning over Toby and Mary not talking to this guy until a year after he’s been widowed, but come on now. They can’t very well flirt with him while he’s in mourning, geez! Have a little decency people! (Besides, Mary promised everyone that she wouldn’t pick up strange men at funerals anymore. You should be praising her for honoring her commitments!)
For New Character’s sake, I hope he’s wearing noise-cancelling ear buds as he intently binges TikTok videos in lieu of interacting with Mary and Toby.
No no no! A plugger’s idea of work-life balance is loading the bed of his pickup with equal weight on each side! (With the jug of crystal meth he’s going to sell and the one for his personal use.)
@51 Charterstoned: Damnit! They used up all of the Weight Watchers “Party Pleasers” recipes before I could post ’em.
RMMD: ‘Did she snap and decide she could be all of her amazing characters in real life? Could she be the one responsible for that massive explosion reported at a secret prison somewhere in some former Soviet wasteland? More details after these messages!’
‘Here at Wandawandabobondabananafanafofondamemimomonda’s, we serve good ol’ down home cookin’, with free entertainment from county-renowed artists like Truck Tyler and Shorty & Beanpole!’
Luann: Yes, it’s stupid and I’m guessing tomorrow Luann will reveal she blew her entire first paycheck on this ‘feast’ to show her parents what a responsible adult she is, but for once I’m grateful for Evansii’s bone-crunching cutaways because I *really* didn’t want to see more mangling of Ox’s character into the NiceGuy that Tiffany is just too much of a b***ch to see!/sarcasm
Speaking of bone-crunching…
@Hibbleton: She did all that and then simply teleported from the ‘sploded gate directly into the warden’s office in the blink of an eye.* She must have access to some more superdupersecret NOTCIA tech to be able to do all that with just a snowmobile.
*The only other explanation for the bone-crushing transition from yesterday to today is that the Warden and Comic Guard Day Player #3 have been babbling ‘whowhatwherewhybbbbbbbb!’ for several minutes while Randy (naturually) not having the smarts to try making a break for it himself in the meantime.
@Baja Gaijin: Well, again, no eating utensils. You could have fat-laden foodstuffs and it wouldn’t matter. You don’t need a special Weight Watchers recipe if you have no way to eat it.
MW-So this is what happens to Fred Jones after’ Scooby-Doo’.
DtM: I really didn’t need to know about Henry’s difficulty achieving climax. Along with Dennis’s rotten behavior, that might explain why the Mitchells only have one kid (well that and Henry’s browser history, which shows what he’s REALLY into).
MW: Is someone going to stage an intervention? This is at least the 21st consecutive day of Mary wearing that same purple cowl neck blouse, and I don’t think it’s been washed.
MW: Fresh off his defeat to Torchwood (as chronicled in “End of Days”), Bilis Manger relocated to Santa Royale because it has a smaller Rift than the one in Cardiff. He’s hopeful he can still bring Abaddon to Earth but hasn’t reckoned on Mary’s meddling powers.
DtM: That disguise doesn’t fool me! I know they put a baby giraffe in a suit.
Pluggers: There is no way a Plugger has something other than a CRT monitor!
@Banana Jr. 6000: By the way, Luann apparently isn’t the only incompetent Degroot child. I love that the TruFans are excusing Brad’s presence here by assuming that Toni has to work. And now that a lil’ woman isn’t there cook her man some victuals, this married adult has no other choice for sustenance but to hope his nitwit sister can take home the leftovers from her fast-food job.
Using one of the few names banned by the censorbot making it harder for us to talk/joke about him
Moy trolls us again.
DtM: The stylized Holstein pattern of the stained glass window suggests they’ve just attended Mass at Saint Gary Larson of the Vista Beyond.
MW: I just want to say, good for Mr. Hart. He endured the social pressure that forced him to hide behind a heteronormative marriage and family, but times have changed and he finally has the courage to put on his best Oscar Wilde cosplay and start trolling for young twinks looking for a silver fox daddy. It’s never too late to live your truth!
CS: Wouldn’t this have been apparent when they were visiting the apartment house? And who is “our” in our apartment? And why say “our apartment in the city” like its a pied a terre?
@Banana Jr. 6000: Or interested in dating a woman.
@The Rambling Otter: THAT’S why I couldn’t get my post to clear? What the Hell does it have against invisible rabbits and notorious sex pe–ah, I may have just answered my own question.
FC: Young Ferris Bueller is a worse concept than Young Sheldon.
Dustin: The logical fallacy concerns the fact Helen wants Ed to live a longer life.
Imagine if a parrot randomly crashed the famous Charterstone Pool Party. That would be the funniest thing Mary Worth has done in decades
@Liam: Years back, there was a Cartoon Network ad, for Scooby-Doo where the gang find a tied red cloth on the ground.
Velma: What in the world is this?!
Daphne: It’s hideous that’s what it is
Shaggy: It must have been used in some sort of spooky voodoo ritual
Fred: (thinking) “That’s my old Ascot…” awkwardly avoids eye contact with the others while whistling to himself.
JP: Okay, CIApril is legitimately frightening today. She’s literally a floating heat above a large walking fur coat.
@TheDiva: I remember years back, the censor bot removed a ton of Gil Thorp posts, because of the word Milford.
I think that was long since fixed.
Luann: “It was either you guys or the Dumpster. Enjoy!”
CS: “The subsequent restraining order, arrest, and one year stint in jail explains why the comic strip didn’t launch right away.”
9CL: I’m super glad we weren’t privy to the conversation that occurred before this incident.
@The Mighty Finn: The icing on the cake, would be if it drops a load on Wilbur’s head.
MW: Here comes the pet cartel; “You are lonely and sad. Do you have a pet? Pets are good. You’d feel much better with a pet, I’m going to get an orange cat for you so I can come visit without any of the responsibilities of pet ownership.”
MW: Last time we saw Toby, she was refusing to go to parties because she preferred to stay with Sunny. Now she’s out and about, and no sign of the parrot. I repent having mocked Mary’s “I’m not sure if that’s actually healthy” as weak-sauce meddling.
“You haven’t seen Sharon, Mary? Well, you must be the only one who hasn’t. Sharon Share Alike, they call her around Charterstone. She’s a gig, she’s roadside, Mary. Hands-on. Don’t be such a foob.”
Crankshaft: Thanks to everyone last week who posted “At least it’s not One-Arm and that fucking cartoonist.” Here comes a week of One-Arm and that fucking cartoonist.
DtM: “Ride of the Valkyries” doesn’t seem to fit if it’s a drone assault. Unless it’s on kazoo.
Dustin: Dustmom is so, so close to getting it….
FG: “Reno and the Power Men” would be a great name for a disco band.
GT: Panel two would have worked a lot better if Dr. Pearl had called Keri “Miss Thorpe”–not only would it have made a clearer distinction between Keri’s preferred title of “Miz,” it would make more sense as an older person’s default form of address for a female-presenting teenager. But credit where it’s due, it’s not often the dialogue can distract me from the art.
JP: *insert Robot Chicken M. Night Shyamalan gif here*
Luann: Nobody in Luann’s family has bothered to learn her work schedule, and…honestly, I can’t blame them.
RMMD: Okay, I’m already calling BS on this. An actress with a string of blockbusters under her belt and who still has the means to live in a high-end California mansion is not going to go all Norma Desmond because she got fat. If it bothers her that much she’s going to get some combination of a personal trainer, lipo, Ozempic, and probably whatever snake oil Gwyneth Paltrow is peddling this week.
SH: A couple weeks ago, the mongoose-woman (Deena? For some reason I think her name is Deena) found out she was spending too much time in her animal form and that was causing her to age faster. But Pam apparently spent at least thirteen years as a cat–well into senior years–yet as a human she remains an attractive twentysomething. Like, I’m willing to suspend disbelief on this shapeshifter thing you’re doing but you’ve gotta have some internal consistency.
Dennis the Menace: Maybe that’s just Dennis’ way of saying that Henry is currently monopolizing the church bathroom and doesn’t expect to be out for quite some time. It would have been great if Dennis had used a Biblical euphemism to suit his audience – something like “Dad is tryin’ to part the Red Sea and drown Pharaoh’s army” would have done nicely – but it’s not likely at all that Dennis would have done any Bible reading; and if he had, he almost certainly wouldn’t have made it all the way to Exodus.
DtM: Maybe Henry will accept their cult “The House of the 4 Spots”
“Remember that we are born with the ladybug of the heavens, and when the reckoning day comes, the celestial newspaper will emerge and swat it, and us, dead.”
MW- Ascot?!…didn’t we just endure a storyline about A Scot who is a pompous axx?
RMMD: Lorna Starr, biggest name in Hollywood, queen of the action pictures, had fallen in with the wrong crowd and discovered….brownies. Within weeks she was up to a four-pan a day Duncan Hines habit.
@TheDiva: SH: I can’t even remember if Mongoose girl was a human who turned into a mongoose and chose to stay that way, because… um… furries? Or was a mongoose who gained the ability to turn into a human and gained the intelligence that comes with it.
@Ukulele Ike: RMMD could introduce “Brownies” (the mythical creature) and that still wouldn’t make the comic any more interesting.
REX MORGAN M.D.: Yeah, right, Access Hollywood-knockoff anchor. There was more tabloid hullabaloo (aka more than two paparazzi patiently waiting outside her house for five minutes before shrugging and going home) when Sarah wrote KittyCop books.
Don Abundio, translated:
“Are you still playing the slow way?”
“Why shouldn’t I?”
“The true sign of status…”
“Is to be so busy you don’t have time to enjoy it”
@TheDiva: SH: This was always confusing, like with how Vampires always seem to freeze their ages at 20 something when turned. Unless we’re talking about Dracula himself who always looks like an old man.
Especially egregious with Alucard from Castlevania who was born half-vampire and once he hit his 20’s he just stopped aging entirely.
@The Rambling Otter:
Mongoose Girl is an ordinary mongoose who was turned into a lab mouse by Samantha Argus so she could be one of her test subject. She started dating another lab mouse, who was a snake that had been similarly transformed into a rodent. Dee chose to be a mongoose full-time initially as a protest over Snake Guy “deceiving” her by not telling her right away his true form was a snake. Samantha Argus turns Dee into a human scientist from time to time so she can have a free assistant.
In the Safe Havens setting, ALL ANIMALS have human-level intelligence and can speak, it’s just that usually humans are too callous to understand, and thus ignore them.
I’m not sure this is correct, but that’s what I vaguely remember<Crankshaft – @Ukulele Ike: I hope it’s only a week.
Gil Thorp – Dr. Pearl should have that wrist examined – it’s bent at an unnatural angle. That must be painful.
I do like Keri’s subtle tribute to Robert Duvall.
FC – By ten o’clock he’ll say he feels good enough to play outside.
Mary Worth – This is the guy Mary’s going to dump her new cat on when Dr. Jeff’s allergies flare up after all.
Asking for an enemy: Is Mr. Ascot smiling at his phone because he just took a picture of Mary’s camel toe?
MW: In spite of this pool party being a formal affair, I’m pretty sure Wilbur will show up in his Speedo.
RMMD- Pull Lorna Starr’s hair back into a very tight ponytail, stick a pair of round glasses on her, and you get..Summer/Autumn! She’s gonna come out of seclusion to play the leading Lady in the film version of “Stalked!”
Holy moley, are those Asians walking out of the church in the background? Do you think the comics page is truly ready for such diversity yet, [squints] Ferdinand?
RMMD: Too bad Lorna Starr got fat just before she landed the lead in the April Parker movie, based on Neddy’s screenplay.
CS: If anyone’s interested Batiuk’s old high school art teacher was James Mateer (the Montoni’s mural painter is based on him) and I remember Batty’s frequent gatecrashes to our art room. With heightened school security that would be nearly impossible today. After landing his FW gig he still maintained his state teacher certification and would often sub for Mr. Mateer.
@The Rambling Otter: And the thing is, if I were to stop aging, I actually wouldn’t want to do it in my twenties. Sometime around thirty would be best–you look like you’re old enough to have some experience, so most folks will take you seriously, but you also look like you’re young enough to do whatever.
Hey all — apologies for those who were having commenting trouble. Who knew that my most aggressive and obnoxious comment troll from a year or so ago would share a name with an exciting and surely soon-to-be-beloved Mary Worth character? I have removed a block on the gentleman’s name — please shoot me an email if you have further comment problems or if Mr. Harveson reappears.