The whole Forest Kingdom agribusiness system is VERY suspect
Post Content
Hi and Lois, 4/19/26
I get that “cartoon dad must escape from his nagging family” is a time-honored trope, but I think the specific gripes of the Flagston clan are just way too dark for the way he nopes out of there to be comical. Lois is at the end of her rope, spending all day showing beautiful homes to her clients and then coming home to a collapsing hovel; Chip has suffered some otherwise undocumented heartbreak and is still devastated; the twins, who should be each other’s best friends within the family, have become implacable nemeses; and Trixie, like all addicts, can no longer get satisfaction from the sun as it is and demands a hotter and brighter star no matter what destructive effects that might have on our planet’s ecosystem. Based on Hi’s huge grin and rosy cheeks in the final panel, I assume that he’s “getting what he needs” thanks in part to a bottle of bourbon he keeps stashed in the glove compartment.
Blondie, 4/19/26
Look, I’m not a pickleball guy, but … the whole point of pickleball is that it’s basically ping pong scaled up to be played on a tennis court, right? Like … why aren’t the DithersCo layabouts just playing ping pong. They already have a ping pong table in the breakroom, I guarantee they have the paddles and balls somewhere. And if Dithers allows the ping pong table in the breakroom, why is he so mad about people using it? I enjoy the little illustration he made, which may be part of a whole wider collection of plausibly deniable Dagwood furry art, but I still think he’s in the wrong here.
Panel from Slylock Fox, 4/19/26
You know the whole thing in vampire lore where if you throw rice in front of a vampire, they have to stop chasing you to count the grains? Well, apparently this deli-owning dog thinks if you give Slylock a math word problem to solve, he’ll turn his ratiocination to figuring it out and won’t notice that you’ve enslaved and dismembered your fellow sapient animals to stock your shop. It didn’t work, though, and he’s going to jail, along with all of his customers.
Beetle Bailey, 4/19/26
Oh, Beetle, you’ve really done it this time! You remembered the Sabbath day, but you forgot to keep it holy! Can’t even imagine how much KP you’ll be doing for this, in hell.
84 replies to “The whole Forest Kingdom agribusiness system is VERY suspect”
You people have held Hi back for long enough! He’s going to Clown College! Or sitting in his car for six hours, whatever.
The inkers for Beetle Bailey got some new pastel shades, and they are getting a WORKOUT today, friends!
SF: I have to question the solution to today’s puzzle. Slylock has never had a reputation for a sense of humor.
Also SF: Actually, the shop keeper is trying to distract Slylock by making him imagine the body of someone with a 26 inch waist and 35 inch chest and get all horned up.
Slylock Fox-“And don’t put your thumb on the scale or accidents can happen,” Slylock says.
MW-“Dad, I don’t think there ever was a Trixie. You got scammed.”
Beetle Bailey-Beetle likes reading the funnies because he can see what his family is up to.
Man, the little frog dude is DEEP in thought over there. It’s just Swiss cheese, guy! Unless you’re wondering what in a deli a frog would be eating, which, yeah, that whole deal is pretty damn weird!
H&L: Opioids work directly in the brain to create a feeling of euphoria no matter the circumstances. I don’t blame Hi for not dropping oxytocin in front of the family.
Blondie: It’s weird that Dagwood is the only one whose hair stands up straight when he’s in shock, and even weirder that it turns out to be perfectly even. So how does it fall back down into that same weird amalgamation of parts and cowlicks? No matter what odd things are going on in his life, his physical characteristics will always be a wonder to behold.
Slylock Fox: From the extreme smile on Slylock’s face, the only part of this he heard was “a 26-inch waist and 35-inch chest,” and he immediately fantasizing about Cassandra Cat.
Mary Worth: Sure, Oscar Wilde was a fool for love too, but at least our dapper friend here didn’t get sent to jail over it. Although being sentenced to live in your adult daughter’s spare room might not be all that better. Let’s hope it has good internet access, so he can still meet chicks!
Wary Morth:
“But how will Trixie find me if I go live with you?”
_______________________________
Wrecks Moregone:
“I didn’t know the maid was in movies as well. Wonder what name she used to use?”
Also Slylock Fox: Yes, it’s sad that intelligent animals are being turned into deli meats… but bone broth? That’s just plain evil.
Slylock Fox:
I’ve got it! — “No ‘weigh’ I’m going to be able to figure that out!”
@Bob Tice yesterday No 19:
Unfortunately the TV lady contracted a severe case of sudden jaundice between yesterday and today and will be carted off to hospital any moment now. Let’s hope Wrecks isn’t her physician.
@A Grave Mind:
He’s trying to figure out whether to purchase what’s in the clear jar on top of the counter, and he’s in a real pickle.
Hi and Lois
“Next stop — Willoughby!” for Hi.
H&L: I feel like we’re missing a really critical panel here, where Hi either (a) wordlessly leaves the house or (b) writes down each of their requests on an imaginary notepad before giving a big sarcastic thimbs up.
Blondie: Photoshop? Please, if there were ever a candidate for timely AI-generated props, it would be Mr Dithers.
SFx: I’m sorry, are we really so short on ideas that we have random one-off characters just pitching questions to Slylock? It’s like watching an episode of Columbo where he just finishes a crossword.
I think Walker-Browne, LLC, is the team to beat in this year’s “Most Depressing Throwaway Panel” competition.
Rex Morgan is trundling along the path predicted here about three weeks ago, the only question being whether the salesman is going to sell his story to the reporters or blackmail Mae Mae. Well, there’s also the question of why it’s taken three weeks to get this far, but that doesn’t count since it’s always on the table.
Judge Parker, on the other hand — I have no idea where this is going, and suspect neither does the writer. I do know that when a JP character says “I’ll explain,” that pretty much guarantees there won’t be an explanation.
Slylock Fox/Beetle Bailey:
“I think I’ll purchase some Swiss cheese to keep the day holey,” muses a teleological Slylock.
Beetle Bailey:
Hmm — “Mort Walker’s” Beetle Bailey. Is there someone else’s Beetle Bailey?
Forget the cleverness, Slylock should’ve just gone with “Way too much, Fatass!”
Hi and Lois:
“It’ll all be better when Godot gets here,” ideates an existential Trixie.
Blondie I actually didn’t blink at this – Dithers strikes me as the boss type who would put out the pingpong table and lock up the paddles and balls in a clear box announcing the team that exceeds its sales quota gets the key for an afternoon.
MW He said he isn’t destitute, so yup the message is “old dad doesn’t need a lover if he’s got family to keep him from being lonely”. As others said a while back, we should be VERY disturbed that Moy seems to think a father-daughter relationship is an equivalent substitute for a romanctic/erotic partnership. Yeeks.
@Ukranazi Stepan:
Come to look at it, she does appear to have excessive amounts of bilirubin in her bloodstream in today’s installment.
Somehow, in a strip about sentient animals who operate and patronize a delicatessen, the most disturbing thing is the way Max is slavering after that cheese.
Hi and Lois:
“I’m glad I brought this inert bag of sweet potatoes with me — it’s ‘The Silence of the Yams‘ !”
SF: Look at that angry frog. This is the third delicatessen he’s visited today, and they don’t have any live insects, either.
We’re supposed to pretend that a milk dud was purchased by Dagwood without instantly vanishing into his insatiable maw?
Alone at last, Hi has the self-satisfied look of a man who’s just let out a huge fart he’s been holding in a long time.
DT A secretly-maintained private web of old phone landlines would be more realistic than a network of functioning street payphones throughout the city. The strip sometimes hits Welcome to Night Vale levels of time dislocation, but doesn’t have the charm of demonic librarians or forbidden dog parks
Phantom WHAT cause? Isn’t the basic story of the 1st Phantom “was a sailor doing normal seafaring things before becoming the sole survivor of pirate attack and THEREFORE devoting himself and his progeny to fight injustice”? So why is he dreaming that they must not fail in their “just cause” as the pirates attack – I’m sorry but “killed by pirates” was bog standard horrible risk for sailors in those days, your reaction ought to simply be “how terrible it’s finally happened”.
When Chip Flagston asks for a new girlfriend, it’s like asking for a new Pokemon. He’s just trying to catch ’em all.
H&L – I’ve read enough hentai manga to know that the middle panel is Lois’s ahegao face.
B. Bailey:
Three panel strip: P1; It’s Sunday. I’m sleeping in. P2; Sarge says “Let’s go.” P3; deliver punchline.
Eight panel strip: Same as above with additional five panels of filler.
JP: I’ve given Marciuliano a lot of slack over the years but this is ridiculous. Both these woman should be arrested for multiple felonies including attempted manslaughter.
Beetle – Beetle dreams that he is asleep in bed, dreaming of being asleep in bed, dreaming of being asleep in bed… That’s what repeating the same tired gags for 75 years will do to you.
Slylock Six Differences – Is that the look the Kids These Days are going for? Hippie chick from the neck down, flapper from the neck up?
Don Abundio, translated:
“Is it true you don’t want to coach us anymore?”
“Yeah, I’m through with you losers. Everyone says our pitcher throws like a girl”
“Aren’t you aware that there are plenty of very competent female players?”
“Good point!”
“Play ball, gals!”
H&L: I’m getting the feeling that Hi was originally just going to the corner store, but now he won’t be seen for a week.
SLYLOCK: “Ask about our bone broth” could be the tag line for a grisly Slylock movie.
RMMD: In a zany twist of fate, Lonnie is minutes from going to his hastily-acquired job as sommelier at the best restaurant in town.
Blondie: Look, I’m just impressed that Dagwood managed to hear the name “pickleball” without getting caught up in fantasies about an orb-shaped gherkin, and that he avoided scarfing down at least one Milk Dud in the box. Baby steps, Dithers, baby steps.
SFx: I’m assuming that the ruling class of the Glorious Animal Regime, like the Manor Farm pigs, eventually came to the conclusion that “some animals are more equal than others” and thus justified exploiting their former comrades for economic gain.
@Hibbleton: “I had this all under control! I punched the guy in the throat!” I have some thoughts, but I’m afraid to express them.
The Blondie panels with the vending machine promised a different story – Dagwood and his colleagues running a Breaking Bad operation, stealing yummy treats and selling them to the rest of the company. Dithers would have had cause to fire them in a rage.
And points to the current tram for recognizing that most of the machines these days take plastic money.
Oh, look at the first expression on Lois’ face. She has had it with Hi’s shit. This is brilliant if the divorce leads to one legacy comic becoming two. “Lois has been doing jokes again, but Hi for the past week has just been Hi moping around and out-drinking Thirsty.”
***
I think Milk Duds must be an American thing because I don’t know if I’ve ever had one so I looked them up because surely they’re not going to be bouncy enough for this ridiculous game AND THEY’RE NOT EVEN SPHERES! What the hell?!?! This wouldn’t work at all! I want REALISM in my gag comics, damn it! Also, Dagwood wasting food? Come on now.
If your deli is filled with enough insects to lure a frog into deep contemplation, you don’t need a detective, you need the board of health.
FC: Did big Bil have a thing for Hillary Clinton? Not many artists would draw an angel wearing a pantsuit.
DtM: Very considerate of Wilson to go next door to the Mitchell’s to empty his bowels when his stomach is “acting up.” Also, explains quid pro quo why he puts up with having the hell child over his house so often.
FC: Oh, just let him go with the big knife, Thel, and see what happens.
Bizarro :
a) Haha, this scene of a deranged individual planning mass murder is funny because it’s a different species than human, and thus the chemical they’re using for their plot is a commonplace, harmless item!
b) If this was an activist, they’d be using garlic butter. Douse themselves, the target of their ire, whatever, gets the message across.
************
Blondie : Maybe Mr Dithers confiscated the paddles and balls because his employees were spending too much time playing. Which makes Dagwood especially inventive for coming up with a way to circumvent him.
************
Hi & Lois : editorial didn’t let the original final panel through, which had the same dialogue from Hi, but featured him reaching into the floor safe where he keeps his guns.
…Too far?…************
Luann : neither of these two idiots have any idea who Rumi is, btw.
(I mean, *I* didn’t. For a second I wondered if they meant Rumiko Takahashi)*
Crankshaft – Keep the Beatles out of this garbage.
Mutts – I don’t usually read this, but today I saw it in my local newspaper. That lisping cat is really annoying.
9CL – Their thralls have praised their matchless, breathtaking beauty for years, but it looks like they need a higher dose. The twins have moved on to praising themselves in a roundabout way. It won’t be long before this strip is “I’m the most beautiful woman in the world” all the time.
Just think about how breathtakingly beautiful they would be if they had chins.
Mary Worth – Yeah, get HH to move from his own condo to one room in his daughter’s place. That’ll solve everything.
I guarantee that within a few weeks Sharon or her hub will lose their temper and say something unforgivable, probably about HH’s ascots. Or maybe losing $200,000. Sure, Sharon’s chill about it now because HH “learned a lesson,” but it will gnaw at her.
I missed the original discussion about “the hub” – I have heard references to “the hubs,” but never “the hub.”
Mother Goose & Grimm – If Grimm ate a burrito, the wrong end is out the window.
JP – It couldn’t be more obvious that the writer is making this garbage up from one panel to the next.
Not comics related – This morning I turned the TV on and caught Marlin Perkins splashing around in a river. I thought that maybe it was the episode with him wrestling a python, but the next scene was Marlin and Jim with ropes trying to lasso a crocodile.
@A Grave Mind: Yeah, the army is well known for their barracks with lavender and seafoam bedrooms.
@I speak Jive:
Crankshaft – Keep the Beatles out of this garbage.
At least it wasn’t the goddamn “I left Amazing Fantasy 15 on the rack because who’d ever heard of a Spider Man?” story again.
@Bob Tice: Seeing it’s a meat parts store, maybe it’s a raccoon part RFK jr. got tired of studying.
@Anonymous: You’re right – the comic book wankery would go on for at least a week, while the Beatles reference is only one day. However, speaking as a Beatles fan, I despise any mention of them in Crankshaft.
C’shaft: To hear Jeff tell it, he was this close to owning every single piece of rare collectable media in existence. At some point we’re going to hear about how as a paperboy he was once tipped with a Saint-Gaudens Double Eagle, which he used to buy a pack of baseball cards, and how he put the Mickey Mantle 311 in the spokes of his bike wheel.
DT: Do the characters’ verbal tics extend to their writing styles? If so, it does make more sense to give list-writing duty to the guy who will put everything down in duplicate over the guy whose handwriting is borderline illegible.
Dustin: It’s funny because men like sportsball, women like people in fancy costumes saying gushy things to one another, and never the twain shall meet!
HotC: Dude, never underestimate a kid’s ability to know about their current interest. If you give Divaling One the name of a roller coaster he can tell you where it is and who manufactured it, as well as its track type, top speed, and probably how many major injuries have occurred on it.
JP: What are the odds Bogdan has woken up and walked away while these two idiots are arguing?
MW: I hate this. While an empathetic and generous nature is certainly not something to be outright condemned especially in this day and age, Widower Hart is getting off way too lightly here. He threw away a sum more than the annual income of most households, but the overall mood of this conversation is “eh, these things happen, live and learn right?” And Sharon’s invitation to live with her family (shouldn’t she at least discuss this with “the hub” first?) stems not so much from the very real fact that her dad no longer has the judgement and faculties to live independently, but from some misguided notion that hanging out with his relatives will cure his vulnerability to this type of scam. And whatever became of John “Trixie” Long, last seen jumping the fence and running off into the wilds of Malaosbodia? Does he no longer matter now that the first world protagonists have solved all their problems?
RMMD: I’m sorry, but paparazzi would not be camped out at the home of an actress who hasn’t been relevant for ten years. They’d happily let her fall off the radar while they chase after some Millie or Timothee or whoever is trending these days.
Beetle Bailey:
Beetle Bailey fell asleep and dreamed that he was Lao Tzu. But when he woke up, he wasn’t sure if he had been Beetle Bailey dreaming that he was Lao Tzu or Lao Tzu dreaming that he was Beetle Bailey.
LUANN: I’m an entire ocean?! No wonder I’m sometimes crabby. (No worry, I have a plethora of sunfish this morning)
BETTY: social technology that works
BF: social technology that doesn’t
(More later, gotta leave for sunfish church)
@Schroduck: As long as the shopkeeper knows his anaconda don’t want none unless she got buns, hon. (Slylock mean a literal anaconda and literal buns. They are in an Animal Kingdom deli after all….)
Not only meat consumption survived the Animalapocalypse, but so did Switzerland! There’s no end to depravity!
Dingwelder, Dagwood. Now I know why Dithers never actually fires his employees: it is difficult to replace them with someone with an equally weird name
mary worth – i have to decline sharon i need a whole room just for my ascot collection and where shall i put my boat goleta doesnt even have a lake
H&L- After that first panel, are we sure Hi isn’t sitting in the garage with the motor running?
@Liam:
You know, that line can work for Hi & Lois too. Maybe that why everyone looks so bummed out. They realize too late they’ve been had by Trixie (or should I say “Arnold Snell, the 59 year old dwarf conman”?) and her sun-worshipping cult (meanwhile “Trixie’s” depressed because “she” hasn’t been making quota this week and is bracing for the wrath of the devil sun god.)
Aristotle posited that the supreme being, the ultimate cause of everything, would not engage with lower creatures but would only perform the highest activity (thinking) and thinking about the highest thing possible (himself). Beetle rejects contact with other humans and wishes to perform the highest activity (thinking about himself thinking), meaning that he fulfils the Aristotelian definition of God. He doesn’t need the mediation of the church to reach the divine, he’s already there!
Teaching children about the difference between transitive and intransitive verbs is actually much more useful than the dubious factoids Slylock Fox usually gives out, so kudos
Phantom: “FATHER!!! This must not be our fate! So let us not talk falsely now! The hour is getting late!”
(Guitar solo)
BLONDIE: Careful with the Photoshop jokes, now. If there’s one thing I’ve picked up reading both comics and the Comics Curmudgeon, it’s that this Blondie (among others) is probably entirely created using Photoshop.
H&L: Hi’s just gonna keep driving down that road and never look back, isn’t he?
SF: The frog getting mad at Slylock’s little buddy for oogling the jarred pickle (which is disturbingly the same color as the frog itself) reminds me of something my sister told me when I was a kid. Rather than allow me to simply enjoy eating a pickle, she said pickles are all part of a male frog’s anatomy.
@matt w: The all in this case being STDs.
This is your hype man, Dagwood? Shorter, balder, Abe Vigoda? Kind of makes you question the concept of hype men, doesn’t it?
CS: Hey Jeff, aren’t you the same guy who once skipped class to buy a Loving Spoonfuls album? Dude, do NOT draw attention to your past music choices.
Beetle Bailey-“Oh that brother-in-law of mine. The only peace he can get is in his car.”
Hi and Lois-“Sorry, Chip, all I can bring back is a hooker.”
SLYLOCK FOX: With with the way that our favorite mousey sidekick is starring at that pickle with such exaggerated longing, I think his frog buddy is starting to question Max’s sexuality there.
Blondie-Dithers will use foot long spikes for his game.
If you plan on reading 9CL today, look it up on ArcaMax. It’s much funnier there.
Beetle Bailey:
Minutes later, Beetle is seen hard at work steaming and pressing uniforms. “I guess this is Black Sabbath, and I am Iron Man!,” he laments.
Hi:
Is Hi Getting road head? I think Hi’s getting road head.
Hi And Lois: Judging by his forlorn expression in the throwaway panel, Hi is going out in the sense of “daddy left for milk and never came back”. An inexcusable act in real life, but in the context of this comic, I really can’t blame the dude.
Slylock Fox: Oh my God, actual expressions! I’m so used to Slylock being in the same “puzzled” pose all the time. Seeing him actually smiling and posing is bizarre.
MW: “Meat loaf again?”
”Well, we could afford something fancier once in a while if you hadn’t GIVEN AWAY TWO HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS.”
Crank: Just a pleasant reminder that those of us who bought Yesterday and Today in 1966 were scammed by Capitol Records, who enjoyed slicing and dicing the Parlophone releases to make up extra, phony U.S. albums and maximize Beatle-related profits. Y&T featured cuts from the British Help!, Rubber Soul, and Revolver plus the “Day Tripper’ single, and we sat there listening to “Act Naturally,” “We Can Work it Out,” and “I’m Only Sleeping” thinking “Huh…they sound like three entirely different bands!” (August 1965 Beatles, December 1965 Beatles, and August 1966 Beatles essentially WERE three different bands.)
@Rover Berkeley: The first time I have ever not regretted being tricked into looking at 9 Chickweed Lane.
H&L – Last panel – Hi, after a few hits on the old vape pen….
Blondie – Who’da thought Dag could dream up something even less productive than sleeping on the job….
SFx – So…is that before or after he takes a shit (and does he wash his paws after)….
BB – Dream big – realize your fullest potential….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Pluggers: Since when do Pluggers have “state–of-the-art” hearing aids? They apparently remove them when the missus is talking.
[see CK daily Pluggers banner panel]
“Yes, I’d like some ice cream, and a cookie, too!”
@Ukulele Ike: The worst crime there is that they cut so many songs from the U.S Help! that they had to fill it out with movie-score instrumentals. For years I thought instrumentals were string-driven goop and I was confused why the instrumental on The Who Sings My Generation was cool. (Background: Until I was about ten, literally the only records I listened to were my parents’ collection of a bunch of Beatles albums, My Generation, and Are You Experienced?)
The Blondie writers made a mistake when they gave a distinctive name to one of the office drones cheering on “Dag”‘s inane antics. Dingwelder, I will find you, and I will have my revenge.
Hi & Lois: There’s a guy on Bluesky who’s been keeping tabs on Chip’s love life, and we’re all getting emotionally invested. Lauren seems to be perfectly lovely, and if Chip is going to dump her, some lucky high-schooler who likes redheads is in for a treat. (Her standards are arguably low, though.)
Hi and Lois: Forget Global Warming, in the Walker-verse they are dealing with Global Freezing, where the sun is gradually cooling down until it goes out completely.
This is more depressing than the ennui the comic usually gives us.
@CanuckDownSouth: Have to disagree slightly; I’m pretty sure that Moy believes that familial/platonic relationships are “higher”/better than romantic/erotic ones, and so in her mind once Ascot’s relationship with his daughter is restored he will no longer be susceptible to romance scams because the void in his life will have been filled by a nobler and less base thing than physical desire.
(For evidence that Moy thinks this way, take note that *no* lasting relationship in this strip shows any sign of physical intimacy whatsoever.)
@TheDiva: it hadn’t occurred to me until your RMMD comment, but being a newsreader in a world with Plot-Specific Television must be a special kind of hell.
While some say Beetle Bailey is stuck in an increasingly distant military past, today’s strip seems ripped from today’s headlines, or at least the latest orders from the Pentagon. Get to church you warfighters!
Come on Josh, don’t go into creepy implications! Maybe there is not a huge system of chattel slavery of sapient beings to provide meat to consumers! Maybe those cows and pigs volunteers because they get a kick out of it! Ok, maybe that’s still creepy!
The frog doesn’t appreciate that if this were France, he would on the other side of the glass pane