Today’s women are allowed to wear pants, at least
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The Phantom, 7/30/26
The question of how an elected civilian government can keep control of its own security services is as old as democracy itself, and you have to imagine the issue is a delicate one in Bangalla, a relatively young post-colonial republic where the main paramilitary answers to a dude who lives in a cave and has much of the country believing he’s a ghost. Still, President Luaga is doing his best, letting the Ghost Who Could Probably Do A Coup If He Wanted know that he’s very disappointed about this whole “leave a supervillain in an open-air cage for years where it would be very easy for drones to free him” situation by glowering meaningfully during a Zoom call.
Six Chix, 7/30/26
Now, I’m not a doctor, but I am a comics blogger with literally decades of experience, and I can tell you that in both these scenarios that guy has Xes for eyes, which means he’s dead. Dead! Don’t worry, doctors, you don’t need to trouble yourselves, go about your business.
Gearhead Gertie, 7/30/26
I was going to do a joke about how all this time Gertie has yearned to be part of a throuple, and that the “3” t-shirts she wears constantly aren’t just about Dale Earnhardt, but I’m sorry, my heart’s not in it. Look at her face, free of any hint of guile or eroticism. She simply has done the minimum amount of mental processing necessary to respond — “husband not happy with wife? solution: husband get new wife” — while 99% of her brainpower continues to focus on watching and thinking about NASCAR, as per usual.
Rex Morgan, M.D., 7/30/26
The scam twins have decided to avenge their Uncle Rene by scamming the Morgans, despite the fact that he specifically told them not to, and have been staking out the Morgan house in order to plan their next scam move. Mainly what they’ve learned is that the Morgans are incredibly boring, which, no shit! Have you noticed that they’re barely in their own comic anymore? That’s because they’re even less interesting than whatever Buck or Auggie or Mud Mountain Murphy are up to. Do you know how uninteresting you have to be to make that happen?
45 replies to “Today’s women are allowed to wear pants, at least”
Mary Worth Mashup: Like father, like daughter’s boyfriend.
Gil Thorp: The wedding cake toppers…great work. They look exactly like Gil and Mrs. Gil. That’s not a compliment.
Pluggers: The questions aren’t getting harder on Jeopardy–you’re getting stupider, plugger.
Sally Forth: You’re a plugger if you get excited going to a Fotomat.
FC: “I’ll give you something to cry about! Now get back in there and find PJ!”
RMMD:
“There’s somethin’ happenin’ here.”
“What it is ain’t exactly clear.”
“There’s a man with his sons over there.”
“That’s no ‘man’ — that’s June!”
Rex Morgan: The boys are bored taking the eggs out of June’s refrigerator. She’s bringing them to WalMart to take their eggs out of their refrigerators. And not put them back!
Gearhead Gertie:
If this guy had any brains, he’d just get a small second TV. Of course, if he’d had any brains, he wouldn’t have married Gertie.
CS: Tom Batiuk’s idea of a modern game development team: Some guy with an undefined role, and a full-time writer whose job it is to write lines like “Ka-boom! Ker-blast!”
Luann: Well, Luann, let’s remember how we got here. You invited yourself to live in Phil’s apartment, applied for a promotion at Weenie World (from table wiper), then dropped it to spend two months at a summer camp for no clear reason. You’re also enrolled in a Career Paths class, where you seem completely clueless, and failed your one known assignment. And you’re surprised Phil is a little skeptical of your newfound direction? There’s only one thing holding this relationship together: Phil’s inability to break up with you.
RMMD: I take public transportation, so every once in a while, some panhandler tries to sell me second-hand bus tickets. Which cost $1.25 at full price. That’s the level of scam I feel like we’re watching here.
PHANTOM: A zoom call– thanks, Josh! I thought for sure the desk was talking.
6CX: vast improvement. He’s still dead but she’s got pants and a scrunchie. Tres chic.
Chix (sic): If you squint hard enough at the artwork, you can see that this couple is on stage performing Gruesome Playground Injuries by Rajiv Joseph, AKA, a ‘two-hander’, but updating the dialogue with an AI reference is more distracting than enlightening.
Crankshaft : I remember a time where Stan Lee was interviewed (questioned?) about being a comic book writer, with the person asking the questions being all “Oh wow, being the WRITER of comic books must be hard, just scribbling down ‘BIFF!’ ‘BAM!’ ‘POW!’ and calling it a day”.
I also remember a time, not too long ago, where Batiuk was patting himself on the back about how Crazy Harry and the Eliminator’s rivalry over the arcade game Defender made him a precursor in featuring video games in comics in a positive light.
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Gearhead Gertie : feels safe making these kind of jokes because she’s unemployed while her husband isn’t, and thus knows that anything short of an actual annulment means she gets alimony (to blow on NASCAR crap).
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Luann : he was the one who encouraged her to follow her heart because he could see how miserable she was at Weenie World, and now he’s the one telling her she’s wasted her time because the only jobs that matter are the ones where you take a 3-month correspondence course to work six days a week cleaning bedpans (ie, HIS job. What a “coincidence”!).
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Phantom : it’s funny, because in the sundays we’re being shown that the First Phantom almost IMMEDIATELY quit on his Solemn Vow of Revenge Against All Pirates because the corpse of the guy who had personally killed his dad washed up on shore, and he was all “Oh, I guess he died. Vengeance accomplished then, I guess.”
RMMD:
Have these two thought through exactly what payout it is that they’ll be getting if they’re successful, to be taking the risk of being convicted of a felony or misdemeanor if they’re not? They’ll go on their next prison visit ; they’ll tell “Uncle Jimmy” what they did to the Morgans; “Uncle Jimmy” will say “Ha, ha! That’s great!”; then prison visiting hours will be over, and he’ll remain in the hoosegow.
Ph: I love not knowing a thing about this strip, because then I can imagine this story is about a man losing his prized skull.
6Cx I feel like a joke more consistent with our present reality would be “Can someone ask ChatGPT what to do?” or “Vaxed?”
GG Its amazing that those two can watch anything at that angle. Those cars must look like two thin colored lines.
RMMD “Looks like they’re walking the boys? Is it weird that they seem to treat their children like pets?”
RMMD:
“What are they up to?”
“I’d say the taller of the two is 4’6″, maybe 4’7″; the shorter one is probably 4’5.” “
The Phantom:
“We’ll get him back, Mr. President. Even if I have to disguise myself in a fabric that actually breathes!”
@Baja Gaijin:
Maybe if he’s very lucky he’s overdosed and escaped like Aldo did. Permanently.
RMMD-June is putting the boys out for curbside pickup. Maybe the garbagemen will finally take the boys away.
GG: Dude, you finally challenge your wife’s obsession after 50? 60? 70? years? You don’t appear to be rich, so I think it’s NASCAR til death for you. And wait til you see your coffin!
RMMD: An alert June spots the miscreants and lets loose with an “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” point-and -scream.
MW: Tommy, who’s been crouched in a corner eating pie for a week, is reluctant to open the door.
GG: In a parallel world, we’re all reading Basehead Bertie staring transfixed by the rhythmic thud of bat against ball, blankly telling his wife to get a new husband if she wants to watch the NASCAR.
6C: THEN: Time-consuming hairdo, feminine dress, high-heeled shoes, insanely conical bra that turns your breasts into two pyramids.
NOW: Relaxed pony tail, casual unisex clothes, comfortable sneakers, still a big pointy Madonna bra for some reason.
Six Chix: Bystander (after consulting Scott McCloud’s book on parsing comic strips): “He’s dead, Jim.”
@Baja Gaijin: On Pluggers – I remember once reading how if anything the questions on Jeopardy have gotten far *easier* than they were when the show first debuted in the 1960s, so yes, Pluggers are getting stupider.
Luann: Leaving aside for a moment Luann’s, er, *eagerness* to go do something she is not qualified to do and never will be, yes Phil, art teachers are still a thing. What rock have YOU been living under?
@Banana Jr. 6000: I’m guessing Luann is going to break up with *him* because he’s clearly about to suggest that she stick with Weenie World because it’s more ‘stable’ or ‘pays more’ or something like that. We already have Luann rehashing her ‘I wanna HELP people!’ daydream that’s been used twice already, why not pull another ‘Quill’?
Phantom: C’mon Ghost Who Condescends! You gotta up your communication game! You should have a bank of 60s era technology banks for your lair. Or go all steampunk to go with your fabulous treasure hoard! This lame flatscreen and speaker from Wal-Mart doesn’t do anything for your precious ‘mystique’.
JP: Wow, I’m surprised everyone is still in their seats after the pivot Ces just pulled.
RMMD — “What are they up to?”
I’d say they’re headed back to the logoless monochrome pastel and black T-shirt store,”
The Ghost Who Thinks Inside the Box — President Luaga is annoyed that his search for a “lasting” solution to the ethnic rebel problem has been interrupted to explain to a costumed vigilante why he didn’t just put a bullet in the Python years ago. At least his Oxford professors have drilled into him not to use the world “final” in that context!
MW: Dawn’s being set up to follow in her father’s footsteps. Tomorrow or Saturday she gets the door open and whatever she sees will make her go ‘AAAUUUGGGHHH!!!’
What could it be?
A) Tommy splayed on the couch, in a coma, surrounded by drug paraphernalia.
B) Tommy goin’ at it with Brandy, freshly returned from Florida all tan and terrific.
C) A note from Tommy saying he’s fled Charterstone and is going to fight with Flash Gordon on some foreign planet.
I could add more, but I know most of you are eating breakfast right now…
GG — I loathe Gertie as much as the next mudge, but is watching a baseball game really a better choice than watching a NASCAR race?
Six Chex:”Is there a plastic surgeon in the house? I need my upper frontals done!”
MT It must be nice to live in the writer’s reality, where large apes are being trafficked to petting zoos and butler gorilla training, instead of the actual black market of butchery for bush meat and traditional medicine.
GT A custom cake topper would usually match the couple in fancy clothes to commemorate the wedding, so I guess in Milford a coaching polo shirt is a step *up* in formality from a tuxedo
Pluggers: “What is Velveta?”
MW: Tommy, are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay, Tommy?
RMMD: Think of all the fake-violin busking money these two could be making right now. Think of all the TVs they could have taken by claiming to be from corporate. No one can say these girls aren’t willing to suffer for their art.
Six Chix: Now: Plastic surgery hasn’t improved in decades. Her breasts are still triangular and mere centimeters apart.
6Cx: So the only change in men’s fashion is shorter sleeves?
RMMD: What are the odds that Jean and Jane being twins actually factors in to whatever scam they’re going to try on the Morgans? I get that writing identical people is a perfect excuse to copy/paste the art, but Beatty. My guy. You could have just made one character.
@Hibbleton: Judging by the artwork in the Now panel, it’s not a two-hander anymore.
GG: I would love it if Mr. Gertie called his wife’s bluff, divorced her and took the majority of their pension with him, leaving her to beg for scraps outside of Daytona.
Phantom: The Ghost Who Walks’ mind isn’t on the current arc, but his own rehashed origin story which has been playing out in the Sunday strips.
RMMD: The Doublemint Twins realize that the tedium in which the Morgans live is its own punishment, decide the best revenge is living well, and drive off into the distance.
You say “Buck” but where is Buck? Have we seen Buck lately? Many times over the past months I’ve seen Rex Morgan and thought, “I wish Buck would come back.” That’s what I’ve been reduced to.
Ladies, if you’ll indulge me for a mo, would you do me a real quick favor and lower your arms to your sides? I just want to make sure that they’re both the same length and that the left one isn’t actually some grotesque spaghetti/arm hybrid that’s going to end up draped across the sta– Oh. Oh, no.
@Lauralot: On MW – Tommy, can you hear me? Can you feel me near you?
Is this actually a Zoom call, or is the Phantom holding a conversation with President Luaga over the phone in front of a giant portrait of him? Note how the dialogue balloon doesn’t point to the President directly, but to some sort of gray box directly below his image. I suppose the question of whether a dialogue balloon should point to the person actually speaking on screen or to the speaker his audio is coming out of is one that comics haven’t really confronted, but I would think the ones that have would have gone with the former.
Is it weird that the difference in Six Chix (the Six Chix-ferences?) I was most transfixed by was the woman’s different positioning relative to the man, such that her shoes seem to blend into the man’s pants in the “Now” scenario?
Gertie’s husband does realize they play baseball games almost every day of the week, right? NASCAR only runs three races a week on its major nationally-televised series, and even if Gertie’s enough of a freak to watch all the practice and qualifying sessions, that adds another day at most. Even if his team isn’t playing on Monday, that’s two blissfully NASCAR-free days where he should have the TV all to himself, and that’s not getting into how NASCAR doesn’t necessarily race at the same time as baseball; at the least, he should be able to watch Sunday Night Baseball most weeks even if his team’s not playing in it. At the least, you do know you can watch all the baseball you want on the computer now, right? You have to have broadband internet where you live, if only because they have NASCAR races on Prime Video now.
Hey, she has monomania and you choose monogamy. She has the TV monopoly now but the monotony is on you.
***
Now: Just call 911, you doorknob.
Either Gertie’s watching some “alternative” advertisement-free version of NASCAR, or she’s watching a generic version of Wacky Races because there’s no NASCAR on at the moment.
Based on everything I know about NASCAR and Gertie, the first option is impossible. She’s chilling to crudely animated cars while she laughs at her husband’s desires. Dennis, take notes; this is some weapons-grade menacing.
BC: Nice to see that even in the stone age (and amongst the ants, no less), there were democratically elected officials. Of course, they were incompetent bozos, too, but even so…
@The Quiet Man: Yeah, if Phil was going to take a stand, he’s already blown two chances: When Luann declared she was moving into his apartment, and when she went to summer camp instead of working her Weenie Hut job that was supposed to help pay for it. So that does seem logical in light of how this world works.
When Luann isn’t fundamentalist propaganda, it’s shilling Luann as some kind of manic pixie dream girl, when she is the most boring scoop of store brand vanilla ice cream in Mediocre-Mart.
@matt w:
“I wish Buck would come back.” That’s what I’ve been reduced to.
Honestly, the adventures of Buck and Mindy were at least medical-adjacent and occasionally involved Rex or June. I was all in on Buck and Mindy when that whole meet-cute started. I decided their couple name would be “Muck” (rather than “Bindy”). Now, his weird long-hair kid and the friend (Beanpole and Shorty)? They can piss off.
C’shaft: Hell, it’s better than anything Batiuk has written in the past month at least.
DT: Sam and Fritzi exchanged doubtful looks. They’d expected to have to work this sting for months, building up the target’s trust, subtly introducing openings for him to betray himself, and he’d went and snapped at the first bit of bait they laid out. Maybe this wasn’t the genius hacker they’d been looking for, after all. (They were still going to entrap and arrest him, of course. Had to justify the budget for the top-of-the-line computer, after all.)
Dustin: “Of course you could support policies that promote accessible career pathways, livable wages, and affordable housing…”
“With my tax dollars? Forget it, just take the twenty-one bucks.”
JP: Why not do both? Use the money from the option to set up a non-profit, talk about your struggle in promotional interviews, encourage women to take hope in your story then do the work to help them out. This isn’t the zero-sum game your Morganian self-righteous indignation is making it out to be.
Luann: My niece was a special ed paraprofessional for a few years; she was good at the work and seemed to enjoy it. But she recently decided not to pursue it as a career, as the time and especially the money that would be involved in getting her certification were more than she could put in. So today’s Luann is making me mad not only for the “dur hur, pursuing a career in art education is unrealistic” commentary but because Clan Evans is completely dismissing the actual stumbling blocks in a socially vital career pathway in favor of tired liberal arts major jokes.
Pluggers: As a Jeopardy fan/former contestant myself, I’ve found that the clues that stump me usually aren’t esoterica like this but a) recent pop culture that I don’t pay much attention to or b) clues that are so opaquely written that I can’t figure out what they’re trying to allude to (this is a recurring problem with Jennings-era Final Jeopardy, IMO). So I’m torn between both relating to the Plugger in today’s strip and wanting to tell him that no, he really is that stupid.
“We’ll get him back, Mister President,” the Phantom says, thinking back to the last tragic escape from Bangalla’s prison system which ended in a tragic and ill-advised nude performance of Hamlet.
RxMD: It was sure nice of the artist to have one twin with sunglasses up and the other with sunglasses down so that we could tell them apart. Or, it would have been if the author had bothered to refer to them by name at any point in this story so far.
RxMD: “What are they up to?” Sure it looks like the daughter left with the dogs and the mom left with the boys, leaving the house vulnerable and empty, but what if they are “up” to something? They’re surely “up” to something, right? Because everybody must always be “up” to something. Perhaps it’s the old Double-Dog Double-Back Double-Cross, or maybe it’s the classic Three-Card Mommy, or maybe the time-honored Empty House Humbug, or maybe you girls are just morons.
RxMD: You can tell the trickster twins here have never seen The Prestige because if they had they’d be leveraging their twinsiness to run a much longer, complex and more interesting con than whatever it is they think they’re doing now.
With the Lockhorns, you know they enjoy their masochism tango and probably the sex is amazing. I really don’t get why Gertie’s husband is still in this marriage. If he asked counsel to Reddit (switching the sex) about her husband being too obsessed with sport, they’d tell her she is in an abusive relationship!
MW: Ian, naked except for a bath towel, opens the door next door. “Sorry. I thought it was my DoorDash.”
JP: “…when I could be helping women like me, out of prison, trying to write the next chapter in their lives!
Of course, there’s no money in that so back to the script.”