I like the way Ann is full-on pacing around the office, very dramatic
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Judge Parker, 7/31/26
I guess I had missed it, but Ann has apparently decided that her mission is now “helping people,” I think people who used to be in prison or maybe former con artists specifically, and Neddy and Ronnie got about 30 seconds into their pitch meeting for a show based on Ann’s life before Ann became disgusted by the shallow Hollywood values on display and launched into this self-righteous diatribe. Sadly, I suspect she won’t be the first person to successfully neg her way into a TV deal.
Herb and Jamaal, 7/31/26
Wow, Rev. Croom, for a clergyman who, if I’m parsing this internal monologue correctly, is experiencing some kind of crisis of faith, you sure look awfully smug in that last panel!
Mother Goose and Grimm, 7/31/26
I’d like to believe that the gag writer here submitted something that was very obviously about a specific real airline that they had a terrible experience with, and they had to go back and forth with the syndicate over not doing something that would get them all sued before eventually landing on “Airworst Airlines,” which is so stupid and I genuinely love it.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/31/26
Hey, uh, Snuffy. What’s going on with your skin, man. Did, ah. Did you have Granny Creeps whip up a colloidal silver tincture to cure your syphilis, or what.
52 replies to “I like the way Ann is full-on pacing around the office, very dramatic”
JP:
“But the longer I stay here the more I know I should be somewhere else.”
This is exactly what I told myself when I stopped reading this strip on a regular basis several years ago.
Dick Tracy: Well, duh. It’s always in the last place you look. Why would you continue looking for something once you’ve found it? Dumbass.
Luann: Phil is doing some quality “Bernice-ing” there, cruelly crushing Luann’s dreams.
BG&SS:
“Squirrel pie wif possum ice cream!!”
BG&SS: It’s difficult to believe that Snuffy’s behaviors could lead to syphilis. But he’s probably caught a dozen strains of avian flu.
MW:
“It sure was fun playing ‘Ding Dong Ditch’ with Tommy! – at the speed I’m moving away from the complex in this car, there’s no way Tommy will have known that it was I at the door!”
Dustin-“And in other news another dead woman has been found.”
RMMD-We always suspected it and it’s true the boys ride the short bus.
MW-Tommy’s made a new friend to talk to about his troubles. A friend named Bill W.
FC-“Now my story is about the undead comic strip.”
Ziggy-“Although this soup is rather foul.”
BGS&S:
“How come we laff about jes’ about everything in this strip, Maw?”
“It’s the gummies that I bake into everythin’ I make fer ya!”
OK but you’re a goose? Fly back home your damn self.
I think Rev. Croom is smug because even though he doesn’t like reading the Ten Commandments, from which he cannot pick and choose, he does it anyway. Rev. Croom experienced mild unease for our sins.
JP: Ann must have been inspired by reading this week’s ‘Luann’.
Ph: Oh, oh, they wouldn’t… they *couldn’t*… they must have some kind of employment death wish or something…
MW: Okay, since when does Dawn have the means to get a zippy little Mini Cooper like that? Did she help with one of the Doublemint Twins’ scams or something and that’s her cut?
S4th: I don’t know whether to be relieved that this nonsense isn’t going for another month, or disappointed that Ces didn’t have the balls to try…
JP Yes, quick, flee thet office before something bordering on interesting happens! The entire nature of the strip depends on it.
H&J Actually Reverend, I think the particular sin you have in mind is mentioned in Leviticus.
MGG I like hiw Mother Goose seems to be handing over her entire wallet in that first panel. “Just take it all now, I’ve booked last-minute flights before…”
BGSS Im looking at that pie with the sure knowledge that vanilla and refrigeration are two things that never made it to Hootin Holler, and am trying to imagine what they might be (aside from the sawdust filler, obviously)
MOTHER GOOSE & GRIMM: Geez, Mother Goose & Grimm, they ceased operation now. You can just say “Spirit Airlines.”
MOTHER GOOSE & GRIMM (2): “Our flights are always late, But we hope you’ll enjoy your experience at Toni Daytona airlines anyway.”
H&J: Dude, people pick and choose what they want from the Ten Commandments all the time. You literally broke one when you said the word “want.”
Luann: PHIL!!! DUMP!!!!!! HEERRRRRRRR!!!!!!! NOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How many red flags do you need to see?
Pluggers: They’re not “sprouting”, you lazy slob, they’re fully grown. I see you’ve taken your Christmas ornaments down, so you’ve gotten your fat ass on a ladder a least once in the past 7 months. How have you never dealt with this problem?
CS: Yesterday they were asking Crankshaft for permission to even make the game, and today he’s playing the completed version in front of a decorative production logo. Apparently writing “Ka-boom! Ker-blast!” was the hard part. Just give Ed his award and his royalty check for existing, and let’s get out of here.
JP: Ann quickly veers to sell the story as a banter-based comedy.
“If I’m not in Vegas, I must be someplace else. If I’m someplace else, I’m not here.”
Metro executive: “Get out!”
@Bob Tice:“But the longer I stay here the more I know I should be somewhere else.”
Something about that line makes me read it as a song lyric. I can hear it quite clearly in my mind in Eddie Vedder’s voice
H&J: “I’m still looking for a loophole on that ‘adultery’ thing.”
I suspect Reverend Croom has been coveting his neighbor’s ass again.
@Banana Jr. 6000:
On Crankshaft : well, the best explanation for THAT is that if Crankshaft refuses to let them license his likeness, they can just easily flip the assets to turn it into Not-Crankshaft : The Game.
…Also, from the way the game was described (and its logo), I was starting to assume it’s one of those “Launch” game that mostly went out of vogue when Flash died, but now I’m starting to think Grill Blast!! is not meant to be any specific kind of game because Batiuk didn’t bother to think that far about this subject.
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Dustin : Alternate punchline : “We must have been mortal enemies back then, just like we are right now.”
(I was gonna go for a Sailor Moon/generic magical girl-type punchline, but couldn’t figure out how to phrase it)*************
Safe Havens : …But why was it okay when PALMTOP was doing it (or having it done to her)? BY YOU, WHO IS ACTUALLY THE OPPOSITE SEX SHE IS ATTRACTED TO (and vice versa)?
*************
Sally Forth : returns to the present, calls her mom, and receives : “Your aunt Katherine? She died in 1986, got in a car accident near some stupid ‘Cadillacs & Dinosaurs’ tourist trap.” And Sally is like : “Oh right, I remember now.* That’s why I was so apprehensive when Ted suggested we visit that place.”
*There’s a debate about whether Sally had forgotten things played out that way, or time travel shenanigans mena she now remembers something that hadn’t happened before her trip.
H&J: Have you ever noticed that the characters in this comic could all fit their noses inside their mouths if they so chose? That’s weird, right?
JP: I’m reminded of the ending of Avenue Q, when Princeton decides that his purpose is to take everything he’s learned in life and put it into a show. To which Brian replies, “Dude, are you high?” No one is high in Judge Parker, unfortunately. You can tell by the way everyone looks like they bit into a lemon.
JP: Could Ann just be auditioning for the lead in her own show? I would not be one bit surprised if she ended this little speech with, “And … scene..”
H&J: Which specific commandments is Rev. Croom tired of obeying? And why am I rooting for it to be “Thou shalt not kill”?
Shoe: “I need to catch a late night flight back home. If only I were a member of a species capable of flight …”
Snuffy: “Oh, Maw, you’ll be the death of me!” “That’s the plan!”
MG: This joke feels old, like it started in Vaudeville but referred to trains rather than airlines type old.
BGSS: “That’s a mighty feast! I thought we didn’t have any money!”
“Didn’t you notice there are only two plates? To pay for this, I had to sell the children!”
Herb’s in the kitchen, idly piling mashed potatoes into a graven image of a calf.
@pugfuggly:
I congratulate you for being able to understand a single word that Eddie Vedder has ever enunciated.
This is clearly a dig to Cafeteria Catholic/Christians who think they can pick and choose which part of the Bible to follow. Of course, not even conservative Christinas are a full literalist. The reverend is pretty smug about obeying the commandments, but he thinks the menu offers to opportunity for sin despite the fact that it probably includes crustaceans, which, per Leviticus, are ‘abomination’
@Anonymous: Considering the controller they gave Ed to play with, it looks like they’re making a Sega Genesis game.
JP I know reality – American Humanitarian is gonna be huge….
H&J – The Ten Bullet Points for Discussion (2 minutes each)….
MG&G – I’ve got an open seat next to the late Mitch McConnell….
BG&SS – Make mine a shit sundae with sprinkles….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Be less smug, reverend! The ten commandments are the most basic form of ethics. Unless you take pride in being such a good person that you would not murder, commit adultery or work on the weekend!
@pugfuggly: Re: Herb & Jamaal: Mixed fibers?
Snuffy moonlights as Papa Smurf. Or Smiff.
Mother Goose and Grimm: Personally, I prefer Airwurst Airlines, where passengers are offered a warm sausage mid-flight.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: …Wait, I just heard it
Wary Morth:
Tomorrow, after Dusk is scraped out of the wrecked car at the bottom of Aldo’s Leap and buried, Toby asks Mary, who looks thoughtful, “are you thinking of Dusk, Mary?” Mary’s reply: “Actually, I’m thinking of Tommy and Brandy!”
____________________________________
Murky Tail:
“My other friend Trixie! She says she’ll join me for my fishing trip, just as soon as I send her $10000 for her ticket to here!”
____________________________________
Wrecks Moregone:
“I have an idea! We’ll steal a bus, scam a garage into painting it yellow, put a logo on it saying it’s the Lorna Starr Acting School, and kidnap the two spawn.”
“And what do we do with them afterwards?”
“Uh…..scam Wrecks and his wife into taking them back?”
MG&G: That’s why I always ride Groundbest Railways.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith: [Holding Snuffy’s hand] 9 days, 18 hours and 23 minutes, from congestive heart failure and elephantiasis.
Did you know, reverend, that there are two versions of the ten commandments in the Bible. And that different branches of Christianity disagree on what the ten commandments actually are and how to number them? You’ll have to pick and choose anyway, be happy that the menu is less ambiguous!
MG&G: She has fingered hands, talks and flies by plane. Oh, Ma! Be ye goose or be ye human?
LUANN: Does Phil simply think that teachers shouldn’t exist, or is he trying to build a wealthy girlfriend?
GT: Jami outdoes Sis in edgy nonconformism by embracing objectophilia and does indeed, end up marrying a cake.
RMMD: I’m thinking about O. Henry’s “The Ransom of Red Chief.”
Aaaaand…all heck breaks loose on Comics Kingdom’s Phantom page. Comments range from the mild ‘I wish there was no politics in comic strips, this is where I come to escape’ to ‘HOW DARE THEY’ pearl-clutching.
LUANN: Luann: “This is genuinely great news that I implied your career path is unemployable”
Phil: “Well thanks to you Phil for being completely underwhelmed about my life choices.”
Phil: “By the way, since we’re still supposed to pretend like we’re a ‘loving couple’, we should probably act like yesterday’s strip didn’t happen to make today’s conversation look like it makes sense from a continuity standpoint.”
Luann: “Huh? What happened yesterday?” (Cue laugh track, followed by freeze frame, then studio audiece applause as That’s our Luann outro song plays.)
LUANN (2): Phil: “I mean, we can’t all be making the big orderly money now can we! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to my parents home where I live because I can’t afford my own place. And don’t forget, I’m taking you out for pizza to that timeshare presentation on Sunday.”
JudgeParker: I know that dodge. Anne’s off to take a dump, and she’s gotta take it NOW.
Not gonna lie, I’m on board with the vanilla pie and apple ice cream combo. I might look into making that.
To successfully convey Rev. Croom’s thought process would require some emphasis and perhaps rewording to indicate that he’s looking at different menu items: “Hm… I like THIS. I don’t care for THAT, but THIS ONE is good.” As written, it reminds me of a pre-movie “Famous Quotes” slide my local cinema used to feature:
“That’s not a knife. That’s a knife.” —Crocodile Dundee
Herb and Jamaal: Ah, Rev. Croom, you say you can’t pick and choose from the Ten Commandments, but which ones? The one from Exodus 20:1-17 or Deuteronomy 5:4-21? Masoretic text, Seputagint, Catholic, Lutheran, Reformed, or worst of all, the Samaritan Pentateuch? You feel smug, but you have committed the cardinal sin that is like no others: You have made a specific reference, and for your error, you will have to see it all the way through. May God have mercy on your soul!
@Bob Tice: I congratulate you for being able to understand a single word that Eddie Vedder has ever enunciated.
It’s not all Yellow Ledbetters you know…
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Re: Herb & Jamaal: Mixed fibers?
That and eating a fruit from a new tree.
Geez, which of the Ten Commandments is Rev. Croom thinking of abandoning? It’s “Thou Shalt Not Kill,” isn’t it? I always suspected as much.
H&J – Rev. Croom isn’t hungry enough for the Gluttony Special, the Wrath Platter gives him indigestion, the Envy Sandwich never looks as good as what the guy on the next stool ordered… might as well take the lazy option and order Sloth again.
Don Abundio, translated:
“These drivers don’t notice my signals”
“Really? Isn’t there some way you could attract their attention?”
“Ah, I could”
“But all my best dresses are at the cleaners”
[Sign: MODELING SCHOOL]
A show based on a Judge Parker character is a fantastic idea. A lot of people struggle with falling asleep and white noise or nature sounds just aren’t cutting it anymore.
***
Rev. Croom really, really wants to covet his neighbour’s wife.
Snuffy enjoys his last meal as his enlarged tongue finally cuts off his air supply.
“The longer I stay here, the more I know I should be somewhere else”: me every time I read comics and my eyes stop to read “Judge Parker”
H&J: Like a lot of seniors, the the Reverend’s real complaint is a failing memory.
“How’s that go? Thou shall not infringe on the right to bear arms.”
Next Sunday, the good Reverend Croom’s sermon took on a different tome. “Do what thou wilt is the whole of the law! Embrace Babalon, the Mother of Abominations, for we are in a time of no gods, no masters, no monsters! Pick what you will from the entire menu of life and worry not about sin, for darkness awaits us all!”