I like the way Ann is full-on pacing around the office, very dramatic
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Judge Parker, 7/31/26
I guess I had missed it, but Ann has apparently decided that her mission is now “helping people,” I think people who used to be in prison or maybe former con artists specifically, and Neddy and Ronnie got about 30 seconds into their pitch meeting for a show based on Ann’s life before Ann became disgusted by the shallow Hollywood values on display and launched into this self-righteous diatribe. Sadly, I suspect she won’t be the first person to successfully neg her way into a TV deal.
Herb and Jamaal, 7/31/26
Wow, Rev. Croom, for a clergyman who, if I’m parsing this internal monologue correctly, is experiencing some kind of crisis of faith, you sure look awfully smug in that last panel!
Mother Goose and Grimm, 7/31/26
I’d like to believe that the gag writer here submitted something that was very obviously about a specific real airline that they had a terrible experience with, and they had to go back and forth with the syndicate over not doing something that would get them all sued before eventually landing on “Airworst Airlines,” which is so stupid and I genuinely love it.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 7/31/26
Hey, uh, Snuffy. What’s going on with your skin, man. Did, ah. Did you have Granny Creeps whip up a colloidal silver tincture to cure your syphilis, or what.
150 replies to “I like the way Ann is full-on pacing around the office, very dramatic”
JP:
“But the longer I stay here the more I know I should be somewhere else.”
This is exactly what I told myself when I stopped reading this strip on a regular basis several years ago.
Dick Tracy: Well, duh. It’s always in the last place you look. Why would you continue looking for something once you’ve found it? Dumbass.
Luann: Phil is doing some quality “Bernice-ing” there, cruelly crushing Luann’s dreams.
BG&SS:
“Squirrel pie wif possum ice cream!!”
BG&SS: It’s difficult to believe that Snuffy’s behaviors could lead to syphilis. But he’s probably caught a dozen strains of avian flu.
MW:
“It sure was fun playing ‘Ding Dong Ditch’ with Tommy! – at the speed I’m moving away from the complex in this car, there’s no way Tommy will have known that it was I at the door!”
Dustin-“And in other news another dead woman has been found.”
RMMD-We always suspected it and it’s true the boys ride the short bus.
MW-Tommy’s made a new friend to talk to about his troubles. A friend named Bill W.
FC-“Now my story is about the undead comic strip.”
Ziggy-“Although this soup is rather foul.”
BGS&S:
“How come we laff about jes’ about everything in this strip, Maw?”
“It’s the gummies that I bake into everythin’ I make fer ya!”
OK but you’re a goose? Fly back home your damn self.
I think Rev. Croom is smug because even though he doesn’t like reading the Ten Commandments, from which he cannot pick and choose, he does it anyway. Rev. Croom experienced mild unease for our sins.
JP: Ann must have been inspired by reading this week’s ‘Luann’.
Ph: Oh, oh, they wouldn’t… they *couldn’t*… they must have some kind of employment death wish or something…
MW: Okay, since when does Dawn have the means to get a zippy little Mini Cooper like that? Did she help with one of the Doublemint Twins’ scams or something and that’s her cut?
S4th: I don’t know whether to be relieved that this nonsense isn’t going for another month, or disappointed that Ces didn’t have the balls to try…
JP Yes, quick, flee thet office before something bordering on interesting happens! The entire nature of the strip depends on it.
H&J Actually Reverend, I think the particular sin you have in mind is mentioned in Leviticus.
MGG I like hiw Mother Goose seems to be handing over her entire wallet in that first panel. “Just take it all now, I’ve booked last-minute flights before…”
BGSS Im looking at that pie with the sure knowledge that vanilla and refrigeration are two things that never made it to Hootin Holler, and am trying to imagine what they might be (aside from the sawdust filler, obviously)
MOTHER GOOSE & GRIMM: Geez, Mother Goose & Grimm, they ceased operation now. You can just say “Spirit Airlines.”
MOTHER GOOSE & GRIMM (2): “Our flights are always late, But we hope you’ll enjoy your experience at Toni Daytona airlines anyway.”
H&J: Dude, people pick and choose what they want from the Ten Commandments all the time. You literally broke one when you said the word “want.”
Luann: PHIL!!! DUMP!!!!!! HEERRRRRRRR!!!!!!! NOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!! How many red flags do you need to see?
Pluggers: They’re not “sprouting”, you lazy slob, they’re fully grown. I see you’ve taken your Christmas ornaments down, so you’ve gotten your fat ass on a ladder a least once in the past 7 months. How have you never dealt with this problem?
CS: Yesterday they were asking Crankshaft for permission to even make the game, and today he’s playing the completed version in front of a decorative production logo. Apparently writing “Ka-boom! Ker-blast!” was the hard part. Just give Ed his award and his royalty check for existing, and let’s get out of here.
JP: Ann quickly veers to sell the story as a banter-based comedy.
“If I’m not in Vegas, I must be someplace else. If I’m someplace else, I’m not here.”
Metro executive: “Get out!”
@Bob Tice:“But the longer I stay here the more I know I should be somewhere else.”
Something about that line makes me read it as a song lyric. I can hear it quite clearly in my mind in Eddie Vedder’s voice
H&J: “I’m still looking for a loophole on that ‘adultery’ thing.”
I suspect Reverend Croom has been coveting his neighbor’s ass again.
@Banana Jr. 6000:
On Crankshaft : well, the best explanation for THAT is that if Crankshaft refuses to let them license his likeness, they can just easily flip the assets to turn it into Not-Crankshaft : The Game.
…Also, from the way the game was described (and its logo), I was starting to assume it’s one of those “Launch” game that mostly went out of vogue when Flash died, but now I’m starting to think Grill Blast!! is not meant to be any specific kind of game because Batiuk didn’t bother to think that far about this subject.
*************
Dustin : Alternate punchline : “We must have been mortal enemies back then, just like we are right now.”
(I was gonna go for a Sailor Moon/generic magical girl-type punchline, but couldn’t figure out how to phrase it)*************
Safe Havens : …But why was it okay when PALMTOP was doing it (or having it done to her)? BY YOU, WHO IS ACTUALLY THE OPPOSITE SEX SHE IS ATTRACTED TO (and vice versa)?
*************
Sally Forth : returns to the present, calls her mom, and receives : “Your aunt Katherine? She died in 1986, got in a car accident near some stupid ‘Cadillacs & Dinosaurs’ tourist trap.” And Sally is like : “Oh right, I remember now.* That’s why I was so apprehensive when Ted suggested we visit that place.”
*There’s a debate about whether Sally had forgotten things played out that way, or time travel shenanigans mena she now remembers something that hadn’t happened before her trip.
H&J: Have you ever noticed that the characters in this comic could all fit their noses inside their mouths if they so chose? That’s weird, right?
JP: I’m reminded of the ending of Avenue Q, when Princeton decides that his purpose is to take everything he’s learned in life and put it into a show. To which Brian replies, “Dude, are you high?” No one is high in Judge Parker, unfortunately. You can tell by the way everyone looks like they bit into a lemon.
JP: Could Ann just be auditioning for the lead in her own show? I would not be one bit surprised if she ended this little speech with, “And … scene..”
H&J: Which specific commandments is Rev. Croom tired of obeying? And why am I rooting for it to be “Thou shalt not kill”?
Shoe: “I need to catch a late night flight back home. If only I were a member of a species capable of flight …”
Snuffy: “Oh, Maw, you’ll be the death of me!” “That’s the plan!”
MG: This joke feels old, like it started in Vaudeville but referred to trains rather than airlines type old.
BGSS: “That’s a mighty feast! I thought we didn’t have any money!”
“Didn’t you notice there are only two plates? To pay for this, I had to sell the children!”
Herb’s in the kitchen, idly piling mashed potatoes into a graven image of a calf.
@pugfuggly:
I congratulate you for being able to understand a single word that Eddie Vedder has ever enunciated.
This is clearly a dig to Cafeteria Catholic/Christians who think they can pick and choose which part of the Bible to follow. Of course, not even conservative Christinas are a full literalist. The reverend is pretty smug about obeying the commandments, but he thinks the menu offers to opportunity for sin despite the fact that it probably includes crustaceans, which, per Leviticus, are ‘abomination’
@Anonymous: Considering the controller they gave Ed to play with, it looks like they’re making a Sega Genesis game.
JP I know reality – American Humanitarian is gonna be huge….
H&J – The Ten Bullet Points for Discussion (2 minutes each)….
MG&G – I’ve got an open seat next to the late Mitch McConnell….
BG&SS – Make mine a shit sundae with sprinkles….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
Be less smug, reverend! The ten commandments are the most basic form of ethics. Unless you take pride in being such a good person that you would not murder, commit adultery or work on the weekend!
@pugfuggly: Re: Herb & Jamaal: Mixed fibers?
Snuffy moonlights as Papa Smurf. Or Smiff.
Mother Goose and Grimm: Personally, I prefer Airwurst Airlines, where passengers are offered a warm sausage mid-flight.
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: …Wait, I just heard it
Wary Morth:
Tomorrow, after Dusk is scraped out of the wrecked car at the bottom of Aldo’s Leap and buried, Toby asks Mary, who looks thoughtful, “are you thinking of Dusk, Mary?” Mary’s reply: “Actually, I’m thinking of Tommy and Brandy!”
____________________________________
Murky Tail:
“My other friend Trixie! She says she’ll join me for my fishing trip, just as soon as I send her $10000 for her ticket to here!”
____________________________________
Wrecks Moregone:
“I have an idea! We’ll steal a bus, scam a garage into painting it yellow, put a logo on it saying it’s the Lorna Starr Acting School, and kidnap the two spawn.”
“And what do we do with them afterwards?”
“Uh…..scam Wrecks and his wife into taking them back?”
MG&G: That’s why I always ride Groundbest Railways.
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith: [Holding Snuffy’s hand] 9 days, 18 hours and 23 minutes, from congestive heart failure and elephantiasis.
Did you know, reverend, that there are two versions of the ten commandments in the Bible. And that different branches of Christianity disagree on what the ten commandments actually are and how to number them? You’ll have to pick and choose anyway, be happy that the menu is less ambiguous!
MG&G: She has fingered hands, talks and flies by plane. Oh, Ma! Be ye goose or be ye human?
LUANN: Does Phil simply think that teachers shouldn’t exist, or is he trying to build a wealthy girlfriend?
GT: Jami outdoes Sis in edgy nonconformism by embracing objectophilia and does indeed, end up marrying a cake.
RMMD: I’m thinking about O. Henry’s “The Ransom of Red Chief.”
Aaaaand…all heck breaks loose on Comics Kingdom’s Phantom page. Comments range from the mild ‘I wish there was no politics in comic strips, this is where I come to escape’ to ‘HOW DARE THEY’ pearl-clutching.
LUANN: Luann: “This is genuinely great news that I implied your career path is unemployable”
Phil: “Well thanks to you Phil for being completely underwhelmed about my life choices.”
Phil: “By the way, since we’re still supposed to pretend like we’re a ‘loving couple’, we should probably act like yesterday’s strip didn’t happen to make today’s conversation look like it makes sense from a continuity standpoint.”
Luann: “Huh? What happened yesterday?” (Cue laugh track, followed by freeze frame, then studio audiece applause as That’s our Luann outro song plays.)
LUANN (2): Phil: “I mean, we can’t all be making the big orderly money now can we! Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to my parents home where I live because I can’t afford my own place. And don’t forget, I’m taking you out for pizza to that timeshare presentation on Sunday.”
JudgeParker: I know that dodge. Anne’s off to take a dump, and she’s gotta take it NOW.
Not gonna lie, I’m on board with the vanilla pie and apple ice cream combo. I might look into making that.
To successfully convey Rev. Croom’s thought process would require some emphasis and perhaps rewording to indicate that he’s looking at different menu items: “Hm… I like THIS. I don’t care for THAT, but THIS ONE is good.” As written, it reminds me of a pre-movie “Famous Quotes” slide my local cinema used to feature:
“That’s not a knife. That’s a knife.” —Crocodile Dundee
Herb and Jamaal: Ah, Rev. Croom, you say you can’t pick and choose from the Ten Commandments, but which ones? The one from Exodus 20:1-17 or Deuteronomy 5:4-21? Masoretic text, Seputagint, Catholic, Lutheran, Reformed, or worst of all, the Samaritan Pentateuch? You feel smug, but you have committed the cardinal sin that is like no others: You have made a specific reference, and for your error, you will have to see it all the way through. May God have mercy on your soul!
@Bob Tice: I congratulate you for being able to understand a single word that Eddie Vedder has ever enunciated.
It’s not all Yellow Ledbetters you know…
@I’m Not Cthulhu, But I Play Him On TV: Re: Herb & Jamaal: Mixed fibers?
That and eating a fruit from a new tree.
Geez, which of the Ten Commandments is Rev. Croom thinking of abandoning? It’s “Thou Shalt Not Kill,” isn’t it? I always suspected as much.
H&J – Rev. Croom isn’t hungry enough for the Gluttony Special, the Wrath Platter gives him indigestion, the Envy Sandwich never looks as good as what the guy on the next stool ordered… might as well take the lazy option and order Sloth again.
Don Abundio, translated:
“These drivers don’t notice my signals”
“Really? Isn’t there some way you could attract their attention?”
“Ah, I could”
“But all my best dresses are at the cleaners”
[Sign: MODELING SCHOOL]
A show based on a Judge Parker character is a fantastic idea. A lot of people struggle with falling asleep and white noise or nature sounds just aren’t cutting it anymore.
***
Rev. Croom really, really wants to covet his neighbour’s wife.
Snuffy enjoys his last meal as his enlarged tongue finally cuts off his air supply.
“The longer I stay here, the more I know I should be somewhere else”: me every time I read comics and my eyes stop to read “Judge Parker”
H&J: Like a lot of seniors, the the Reverend’s real complaint is a failing memory.
“How’s that go? Thou shall not infringe on the right to bear arms.”
Next Sunday, the good Reverend Croom’s sermon took on a different tome. “Do what thou wilt is the whole of the law! Embrace Babalon, the Mother of Abominations, for we are in a time of no gods, no masters, no monsters! Pick what you will from the entire menu of life and worry not about sin, for darkness awaits us all!”
BGSS: Apple pie requires only seasonal fruit and staples, making it an accessible dish across most demographics. Vanilla pie, meanwhile, is based around a tropical spice that needs to be imported most places, as well as other things like brown sugar and cream that are not compatible with a subsistence lifestyle. The switcharoo here tells me the Smifs are not really hillbillies but highly dedicated character actors at Silver Dollar City.
H&L: Rev. Croom is clearly taking a page from Ned Flanders: “I’ve done everything the Bible says! Even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff!”
JP: Come on, Ann, the Lord helps those who help themselves! And if there’s one thing your family knows how to do well, it’s help themselves!
JUDGE PARKER: Wow I haven’t heard a self-righteous spiel that convincing since Judge Parker Sr. ran his vanity mayor campaign (Oh wait…is it “her turn” now? )
JUDGE PARKER (2): I’m being silly, of course. Ann is going to “help people” by stupidly getting caught up in yet another CIA sting on yet another European crime syndicate. I feel “empowered”” already.
“The longer I stay here, the more I know I should be somewhere else. Don’t get up. My tits and I will show ourselves out.”
MARY WORTH: Nice try, thought balloons, but those are “I-killed-Tommy-and-need-to-make-a-quick-getaway” zoom lines there in panel #1.
H&L: I suddenly have a lot more sympathy for Thurston. I never noticed his Thalidomide arm before.
RMMD: As accomplished grifters, the twins know there’s more than one kind of bus in the world.
Dustin: Yeah, you were George Joseph Smith and she was Margaret Lloyd.
GT: “Son, you can be whatever you like, as long as your personal struggles are merely a plot device to demonstrate what a wonderful and caring person I am.”
HotC: Is Heart reading from her own Wikipedia summary?
Luann: A measly income and a mountain of student loan debt, Phil.
MW: Maybe he found something better to do with his time than hang out with you, ie. literally anything?
Phantom: Well, points for accuracy, at least.
RMMD: Those keen powers of observation are what make them such great con artists.
H&J: Ummm…. which of the 10 Commandments is Rev. Croom suddenly so resentful? Adultery? Murder?
JP: Neddy’s idea can’t be any worse than the show featured on the office wall: two angry giants glaring at a miniature General Eisenhower.
Mother Goose and Grimm:
Say what you will about Airworst Airlines, at least they’re honest. Not only do their employees cheerfully announce their shortcomings, their very name speaks to awfulness. “We fuckin’ suck,” says Airworst Airlines, “and we’re proud of it!” But what’s really got me wondering is what the actual in-flight experience is like. Flying on any sort of budget is at the best of times deeply unpleasant, with cramped seats, mediocre food, dry air, and limited entertainment options. How does the Airworst commitment to poor quality extend to that? Is their food actively poisonous? Instead of seats, are you confined in a pillory? She may be Mother Goose, but she’s about to experience something worthy of her dog Grimm’s namesake.
JP: Ann’s heading down the hall to the Shark Tank auditions, where she’ll pitch her line of dresses made with materials that change color depending on your body temperature, like the old “mood rings”.
@SideshowJon:
He doesn’t want to keep the seventh day holy anymore, he doesn’t want to do Mass anymore, it pisses him off he has to work on the “holy day” everyone else has off (the good reverend doesn’t know about people who work weekends, or whose work week is something like tuesday-to-saturday)
Or
He wants to bear false witness against his neighbor; he thinks the food at this diner stinks, and he wants to frame them for causing a food poisoning outbreak to get them closed.
Or
He wants to make graven images of other gods. He’s become quite the C’thulhu fanboy, and now unironically worships him!
Luann: The Evansii have a ‘type’. Wimmenfolk should have menial but meaningful jobs, and if they should become too successful in business, they need to be slapped down hard, especially if they’re of the cheerleader variant.
Luann 2: One week into her dream job, Luann will be
firedforced to work half-time at reduced pay for whatever out-in-left-field grievance that the parent of one of the students has.Oh, no, it’s the Silver Snuffy, Herald of G’lactus!
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith:
The Blue Fugates were a Kentucky family who in the 19th and 20th centuries exhibited bluish skin due to the congenital blood disorder methemoglobinemia, caused by the limited gene pool of the area. It’s long overdue, but I applaud Barney Google and Snuffy Smith for finally giving them their representation in America’s #1 rural stereotype comic strip.
H&J: That’s been the opinion of almost everyone who subscribes to this particular story ever since Moses came down from Mt Sinai. They pick and choose for themselves and sometimes even for you.
Herb and Jamaal:
Considering Rev. Croom’s expression of content, I have to assume that he is actually not having a crisis of faith, and is in fact merely reflecting on his well-established religious beliefs. But what exactly are those beliefs? Is it simply supersessionism and New Convenant theology, or has he gone so far as to embrace the antinomianism?
SS – Oh, c’mon. It’s Mercury. All the cool kids were drinking it in the 18th century, when Snuffy was born, and now he can just drink it straight out of the streams, thanks to the nice mine upriver from the holler!
H&J — the good Reverend should just order the Commandment of the Day and be done with it.
Next week in Pluggers: “A Plugger’s hands may be dirty, but his gutters are always clean “.
JP: Dyke Producer leaps to her feet. “Sold! Cranky Bitch Helps Oppressed Sorrowful Ladies will be the biggest thing on TV since Gilligan’s Island!”
Phantom: Let’s skip over the ham-handed political commentary and try to remember if we’ve been in this bar before. It’s not the London pub devoted to the Ghost-Punched; it’s not the sniper-cradling tea shop in Mountain City…and instead of wings and nachos the bar menu features Cream of Wheat. Hmmmmm…
@Vulpes, BGG&SS: Appalachian Andorians, sans antennae?
@Bob Tice: “Eddie Vedder has ever enunciated.”
Eddie Vedder does not enunciate!
JP:
“Suppose I were to leave here, Ms. Parker, and go to that ‘somewhere else.’ If that were to be the case, should you in that event go somewhere else, or should you stay here?”
“Huh?”
@richardf8:
I hear he’s going to be cast as “Mumbles” in a re-rendering of the Dick Tracy movie franchise.
@ks: Regarding movie quotes, I thought about Malcolm Reynolds in Serenity, who when asked, “Do you know what your sin is?”, replied with “Ah, hell, I’m a fan of all seven. But right now, I’m gonna have to go with wrath!”
PHANTOM: After double checking, this is not a coffee shop in Norway d scended into a bar (JP) but is likely the tea shoppe in India passed down to Grandma’s great niece.
LUANN: Phil, teachers actually get paid quite well and do much good. Compared to nursing assistants. Next, your move.
Herb & Jamaal: Tune in tomorrow as Rev. Croom embarks on a new life of selective observance. He’ll dine and dash (thou shalt not steal), covet Herb’s wife, murder Jamaal, and make a graven image, but he’ll at least call his mom to wish her a happy birthday (honor thy father and mother). The funnies haven’t been this theologically bold since Judge Parker financed the construction of a giant needle big enough for a dozen camels to thread.
JP: The back cleavage is nice but nowhere what if could be if the character would simply turn around.
A&J: This got a laugh out of me. It also makes me wonder how innocent sirens are supposed to be.
Crankshaft: The programmers are two people. I’m pleasantly surprised it’s not like every other small game developer whose ads are nothing like the product. But the soundtrack needs more pyrotechnics to be true to life.
RMMD: I look forward to the twins committing God knows how many felonies by kidnapping a busload of children. After the big Food Court Heist it’d be neat to see a crime with grand preceding it.
DtM: Wait, today’s kids can get soft serve from an ice cream truck? Where are they gonna learn what those little wooden sticks taste like?
RMMD- (Panel 2) Risky Business, anyone?
@Activist: Seriously? They’re now serving foaming beer-colored tea in beer steins? That comes out of liquor bottles? And sniper-chick’s sweet ol’ granny is now a middle-aged Madame Fong femme fatale?
I’m not so sure I agree 100% with your police work there, Lou.
@Little John: Get some vanilla pudding. Fill up a graham cracker crust. Add ice cream and a few apple slices. That sounds like a hot summer night feast.
Moose Goose and Grimm:
Or she can just you know… flap her arms and migrate home.
Like a goose.
I genuinely laughed at today’s MG&G.
The old Northwest (Orient — gong) Airlines was known in the Twin Cities as “Nor’Worst”
Phantom: Why are people so upset?
It sounds like something that would come out of this White House.
Probably from Steven Cheung.
There are some ‘spokespeople’ who are, as a news director once told me, “aggressively unhelpful”.
As in: “not only am I not gonna answer your question, but fuck you for asking”.
Herb and Jamaal : Now this is relatable comedy. We all know what a relief it is, in this day and age, to find a diner that just gives you a normal menu instead of handing you a small booklet listing the ten commandments.
Mother Goose and Grimm : Look how devastated Ms. Goose is! We don’t know where she’s going, but we know this : If her flight is late she’s going to miss some important life event.
Judge Parker: It’s kinda amazing that Ann is in a situation where she’d be genuinely in the moral right to call out how sleazy and unempathetic the Hollywood machine is, yet she still somehow comes off as totally self-righteous and like she needs to get a stick out of her anus.
Herb And Jamaal: I honestly think it’s just a quirk of this comic’s art style that every single character will always look insufferably smug, regardless of whether it makes sense.
Snuffy Smith: Snuffy guffaws at his wife’s… I guess you could call it a joke if you squint. Anyways, he’s so busy laughing at it that he doesn’t notice the rat poison she sprinkled in the ice cream as part of a murder-suicide plan. A sad end to his story.
2+2=7 had a great comment a few days ago about how self-centered Luann actually is. And we’re seeing a prime example of that today. After inviting herself to live at Phil’s apartment, getting a new job to pay for it, and dropping that new job to go be part of the cast of Meatballs, she came back with this whole new career path she expects Phil to support. And she’s ignoring the reservations he’s expressing.
I’ve often remarked this is a fundamentalist world, but carrying it to its logical conclusion would actually help Luann. Frankly, Luann needs to be a tradwife. She has no other skills, or the ability to learn any. Which I think is by design. The best thing she could do is latch onto someone like Phil. He has some kind of a career path, no ability to attract anyone better than Luann, and can be easily bullied into joining the church Luann’s parents want their descendants in.
@Vulpes: Came here expecting this, was not disappoint.
@TheDiva:
I just hope we don’t find out that Heart’s dad’s new girlfriend is a comic strip artist and that this is Heart’s pitch for a strip about her life. That would be entirely too Batiuk-esque.
Herb and Jamaal: Rev. Croom is worried about 10 biblical laws? Jews have 613 of them. Half of which we break by eating at a Chinese restaurant on Friday night.
Mother Goose & Grimm: Airworst Airlines has an actual gate agent to help people in person? Without waiting in line for an hour? They should be called Airbest Airlines, and they should fire their advertising agency.
Snuffy Smith: “I made something special, because I know our old, mangled forks can’t handle larger apple pieces. We’re poor!”
@The Rambling Otter: Traditionally, humans migrate by walking, but given the choice, I’ll take a jet. I very much sympathize with the goose on this one.
@AndyL: You’re getting the Ten Commandments? I keep getting the Wiccan Rede at my Waffle House, and my buddy Doug says he only ever gets oral readings of the Zoroastrian Avesta when he goes to IHOP! Must depend on the chain.
@2+2=7: You kinda hint at it, but yeah, I’m fairly certain that teachers make more money than orderlys. The only real explanations for Phil’s leery attitude and passive-aggression towards Luann’s career decision these past two days are jealousy and/or sexism, both fueled by insecurity that Luann would be the main breadwinner of their house if they marry. How romantic!
@lynn: I was about to point out that this bit in Phantom is more just a goofy absurdist comic relief moment than anything, but than I realized that by the standards of newspaper comics (even the ostensibly political ones), just picturing the White House at all probably makes this comic an extreme, radically hardcore satire.
@Banana Jr. 6000: Let’s be real here, Phil and Luann are both equally massive walking red flags. They should stay together just to spare the rest of the dating pool from their nonsense.
@ectojazzmage: Phil is less of a walking red flag and more of a walking “please friendzone me!” sign. He will forfeit his self-worth, and most of his income, to any woman who gives him the time of day. The fact that he’s letting friggin’ Luann do this right now is all the evidence you need.
@Banana Jr. 6000: But Luann doesn’t even have the skills to be a tradwife. She literally has *no* redeeming qualities or discernable abilities that she can sustain for more than a week. This is worse than tradwife propaganda, this is almost propaganda for people who would rail about ‘useless eaters’.
@UncleJeff: I’m guessing because people aren’t supposed to be unhappy about what you just described and instead expected to go ‘Yeah, screw the media!’
I’m also guessing that bar in panel 2 is the ‘somewhere in F—– Rhodia’ where the ladies plied with drinks and titillation those who blabbed the location of Chatu’s open-air prison. Look at the eeeeevil look on the woman holding the mug of beer! This is a den of iniquity, I tells ya!
@Ettorre: Old joke, adapted a bit:
God said to the birds, “DON’T”, and the birds didn’t.
God said to the elephants, “DON’T”, and the elephants didn’t.
God said to man, “DON’T”, and man replied, “Don’t what?”
God then said to the universe “Oh, $#%^&.”
@lynn: Hey, that could be ANY orange-tanned president!
@Little Guy: Would the Evansii stoop to doing a repeat?
@Activist: we sure? It looks like the bar that bad-dude’s daughter works in…
JP: Exec: “And scene! Excellent, that final turn and announcement really sold me! Let’s get some script ideas going and we can set up a budget for 8-10 episodes. Ann should be with us when we do casting. And you two, Needy or Roonie, I guess you can work on the show…. You can start by getting me and Ann some lunch, we have work to do”
RMMD: Belts and suspenders. We are being TOLD and SHOWN. Rather then risking just showing or just telling – always helping the reader in a hurry!
Mary Worth: This is a nice rendering of 2 door Cooper Mini. Is this a tax write off?
Slylock Fox: Next week we will draw the endangered four footed elephants of Asia and Africa.
@The Quiet Man: If this world is as fundamentalist as I think it is, she’s had the tradwife training beaten into her head enough that she can adapt to it. Unlike some commenters, I don’t think Luann is special needs in any way. She might even become a good tradwife, if she can learn to put aside her extreme selfishness. And having children has a way of doing that to people.
Mother Got Goosed And Is Grimm: “With God as my witness,I thought geese could fly.”-Arthur Carlson, Sr.(adapted).
@Banana Jr. 6000: Question: do we consider Pru to be a tradwife? After all, she did leave the household to get married and have babies…
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: Hell, given what the Evanses seem to think lesbianism is, I wouldn’t be surprised if her girlfriend was actually a man.
Crank: Well, it’s not often Batty admits he’s clueless about how something works, so kudos for realising the need to skip the whole “actually making the game” bit, I guess.
Curtis: Given that Curtis brought this up out of nowhere and is repeating everyone’s middle names like this is the most amazing thing he’s ever heard, I’d be less concerned that he hasn’t been listening and more that he may have suffered some kind of head injury. Check under the hat!
DT: “It’s always the last on the list, isn’t it? Almost like our cases are being written by some hack who needs to pad them out for as long as possible!”
“If someone was doing that, Dick, I doubt the bit they padded would be as dull as ‘these are a bunch of non-criminals who bought a chair’!”
EC: Calling it now: tomorrow Rajiv and Evelyn will break up due to their profound differences in belief — Evelyn believes her pug is the most amazing pug ever, not Twinkles.
Garf: I mean, I feel like “lab coat” would be a pretty safe guess…
MG&G, meta: Re: Airworst, I am very loosely reminded of the Mitch Benn song “Budget Air”, which was originally recorded for the consumer rights show Watchdog with the refrain “Ain’t no use in cryin’ when you’re flyin’ Ryanair,” then changed when he released it on an album without the context of “We have actual testimonials saying Ryanair is this terrible”, but kept the rhythm such that it was clear there should be an internal rhyme there, and also continued to be a U2 parody, complete with Mitch’s best Bono impression (BECAUSE RYANAIR IS BASED IN IRELAND, DO YOU SEE?) What I’m saying is that Mother Goose and Grimm should have had the guts to make it very obvious what airline they weren’t naming.
S4th: Cue Quantum Leap theme. (Yes, I know that doesn’t entirely work, because Sam took the place of people who already existed in the time period, but the whole storyline doesn’t entirely work, so why should I have to?)
(Hey, guys, just so you know, I’m in Edinburgh next week, so I probably won’t be posting, but I’ll still be reading.)
@108 Horace Broon: Edinburgh? I’ve been to Edinburgh. They have internet access. What’s your next excuse for not posting? Carb coma from eating too many hog roast rolls?
Airworst – the sausage that doesn’t fill you up!
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: Is Pru a Luann character? I don’t recognize the name.
@Banana Jr. 6000: IIRC, Pru aka Prudence was a friend of Dez (the Earth Mother stereotype from the Moony U dorms) who came from *NEW YORK CITY!!* to bestow her performing arts prowess on the Kafe Kablooie (seemingly for ‘exposure’ as I don’t think the subject of compensation for her time and effort was discussed).
There was some ‘tee hee!’ innuendo with the DeGroots suggesting trying to set her up with some nice guy, and she had to literally come out and say ‘Yep, I’m Gay!’ before ultimately returning to being a Wicked City Woman with her girlfriend (who we learned absolutely *nothing* about).
She was notable for having a rather disturbingly-shaped face in the context of the art style of the strip, and dressed like she was auditioning for ‘Blossom’ circa 1996.
@Horace Broon: Aren’t you a few weeks early for the Edinburgh Stomp?
(What do you guys call that art festival, again? I was there about ten years ago, but I don’t remember)
@The Quiet Man:
I thought it was Quill who had brought Pru to California, as she was a fellow thespian he had met in NYC. Dez’s involvement in that storyline was that she drew tarot cards for Luann, and told her that the cards said “On the question of whether or not you and Quill are truly meant to be, PRUDENCE will be the deciding factor”
Her lesbian reveal came after the Quill break-up. See, Pru, having nowhere to stay, moved in with the DeGroots, and Bernice’s reaction to that was “QUILL HAS ALREADY CHEATED ON YOU WITH PRU SHE IS MOVING IN YOUR HOME TO ASSERT HER DOMINANCE ON YOU AND MAKE FUN OF YOU BREAK UP WITH QUILL IMMEDIATELY LUANN – I stake my reputation as a psychologist that my assessment is correct.” So, Luann breaks up with Quill, Bernice finds out, goes to console Luann, who is crying on Pru’s shoulder. Bernice is all “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING CONSOLING HER YOU ARE THE ONE RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS YOU JEZEBEL”, and Pru is all “What? Me and Quill? Impossible! I’m not into guys because I’M GAY. I’m a THESPIAN LESBIAN, tee-hee!” and Bernice reacted by facepalming and muttering the things you’d say when you’re proven totally wrong about something you were certain of, while Luann was all “I don’t get it, why is Bernice embarassed?”
The “being set up with a nice guy” was actually Les using the money he got from committing charity fraud to lavish her with extravagant gift, mistaking her being politely grateful for a romantic interest (also she bought everyone those crappy cinnamon valentine candy hearts, but she gave Les’ first, so he thought it was exclusively a gift for him).
Les wanted to prove to Gunther
-in-drag‘s mom and Mr Gray that he had a REAL girlfriend, only for Pru to tell him “I’m gay and I don’t actually like you more than anyone.” Unwilling to be humiliated for having chased a gay person, Les begged Pru to pretend she HAD been with him the whole time, but was now dumping him, leading to Pru to scream “YOU CAD” while pouring a full pitcher of icy water over his head, in the middle of The Fuze during peak hours.You might have noticed that Pru’s homosexuality was almost entirely used as the justification that allowed her to say she wasn’t attracted to a guy.
(Man, all these words about FRIGGIN’ LUANN, and I bet someone posted the same thing, but way more succintly, in the meantime!…)@Anonymous: Ah yes, you are correct. Quill ultimately turned out to be such an empty vessel I’d forgotten his role in the whole thing.
I appreciate your taking the time to write all those friggin’ words. Keeping our facts straight keeps the snark strong!
H&J: There’s a new graven image out and Rev. Croom is just dying to worship it but what’re you gonna do?
JP: Ann walks out of the office, jumps onto a horse, and rides into the sunset. None of the three people remaining feel that they can state the obvious truth, that it would make a great ending to a TV show.
@Banana Jr. 6000:
Having children doesn’t automatically turn a lady into the Breke Breathed ULTiMaTeMOm archetype.
It’s more likely Luann would still be herself, but with kids suffering living with her and being sort-of raised by her.
BB: Every time Beetle thinks about letting his term of service expire, he gets word from someone recently in the civilian world that Hoovervilles are back. At that point, reupping starts to seem like the path of least resistance, at the very least.
C-Shaft: I’m far from a neatnik but that box of fries sprawled on the gaming desk is driving me crazy. That’s how you get grease stains on the finish!
DT: The vanity plate pays tribute to the Seventh Amendment, which guarantees a jury trial for federal cases involving money or property over $20. Cracks Dick up every time.
Dustin: Might as well go whole hog and tell her you remember her from when you were both bird people in Treetops, East Virginia.
GT: “Your relationship with that cake is not sanctified by any religious or civil body, and is inherently sinful.”
Luann: The career paths class that everybody treated as a joke, because it was?
MW: Dawn goes to the grocery store and sees Tommy’s apron and pants on the floor. “Tommy Beedie gets raptured” is the twist we never saw coming.
Phantom: Hardy-har-har, but the terrorist they’re talking about wasn’t pardoned so much as he was secretly sold into bondage.
@Banana Jr. 6000:
#91. LUANN: Did she mention ve in with Phil? Last I heard, itd cost too much for space she’d need. Pls fill me in
@Banana Jr. 6000:
#91. LUANN: Did she mention ve in with Phil? Last I heard, itd cost too much for space she’d need. Pls fill me in @Ukulele Ike:
PHANTOM: In my hypothesis, Grandma retired without shoppe being blown up. So great niece took it and modernized it to feature local brews. We KJs putative gf, commando is now serving beers.
Your hypothesis?
@Banana Jr. 6000: #91: I’d like to know what tradwife skills Luann has. She can’t cook to save her life other than warming leftovers in the microwave. Considering her own room is a pigsty keeping a tidy house is out of the question. Laundry, she always dumps it off on her mom, who’ll probably be stuck with raising her kids.
@Horace Broon:
#108. Horace, have a good trip! Have a beer in a darkly wooded pub for us and bring back a tale of derring-do.
@Activist:
The chain of events, IIRC
1. Phil invites Luann to go to a free tour of The Dream because it’s catered, in lieu of an actual lunch date.
2. The Dream‘s saleslady is portrayed as a weird pushy charlatan, Phil is disgusted by how overpriced the place is, but Luann is smitten because YAY FREE ICE CREAM
3. While discussing the incident with Bernice(? not sure), Luann comes to the conclusion that the only reason Phil said no is that he doesn’t make enough money to afford The Dream. She comes up with notion that if she were to somehow get a promotion at Weenie World, she would make enough money to share the single person appartment with Phil. Luann ignores Bernice’s advice against that plan.
4. Luann discuss the plan with Tara, who also raises multiple points against the plan working. Luann actually listens to Tara, but doesn’t tell her she’s giving up on the plan.
5. Luann, in her own room with Puddles, goes over the plan again, increasingly losing confidence in it. Her mulling is broken by her receiving the phone call telling her her application at Camp Skye is accepted.
6. Tara meets up with Phil to talk about Luann’s plan. Unlike when she was talking to Luann, Tara acts as if Luann’s plan is 100 % a sure thing. Phil is now interested in moving into The Dream now that it means that
Luann will be paying for most of ithe’ll be living with Luann.7. Luann calls Phil to tell him that the thing she was hoping to happen happened. Phil assumes it’s her promotion, Luann tells him it’s actually the Camp Skye thing. Phil is crestfallen, but tells a completely oblivious Luann he’s happy for her anyway.
So, no, Luann never directly told Phil about her deciding to move in with him. In fact, she never talked to him about it at all, and might have NO IDEA he knew about it, because she decided on it and changed her mind against it without mentioning it to him even once. It’s Tara that got Phil’s hopes up that Luann was gonna shape up and start being more serious at Weenie World to earn more money.
(At least, IIRC, I probably got this whole timeline wrong)@Pozzo:
“I’m still looking for a loophole on that ‘adultery’ thing.”
Rev isn’t even trying.
(The “LORD our God hath shewed us his glory and his great-asse” bit is just the icing on the cake…)
@The Quiet Man: I seem to recall that Pru’s alleged fiancé was a retiring naval aviator…
@Anonyminimouse: IS 53:6a — “We all like sheep….”
@richardf8: SS – Oh, c’mon. It’s Mercury. All the cool kids were drinking it in the 18th century, when Snuffy was born, and now he can just drink it straight out of the streams, thanks to the nice mine upriver from the holler!
At last, an opening to tell my incredible mercury story! This actually happened to a professor of mine, who is still active and among us, so it’s only a second-hand story, instead of the usual third-hand “friend-of-a-friend” story. My friend was a grad student at MIT in the late fifties, and was using a piece of equipment called a Toepler pump, which moved volumes of rarefied gas with a piston of mercury in a glass vessel. The mercury piston was moved up and down by admitting gas under pressure to the other side, and releasing it. Well, he used a little too much gas, and blew the mercury right through the top of the pump vessel. It hit the ceiling of the lab and flew in all directions. He soon found out that MIT had on retainer an expert in mercury spills and mercury poisoning, who was a qualified MD. So they were on their hands and knees in the lab, with the doctor showing him how to dust the mercury with sulfur to stabilize it for removal. The doctor said, by way of conversation, that he had just come from the hospital, where he was caring for the strangest case of mercury toxicity he had ever seen. The guy had so much mercury involvement that when they changed his sheets, they found metallic mercury rolling around in the bed with him. He wouldn’t say how he got in such a state, so the doctor had started looking up his friends and family to see if he could get anything out of them. It turned out that the guy was sort of the leader of a group of mercury perverts, who would use a syringe to instill a pound or two of mercury through their dicks into their bladders, and then have sex with the mercury rolling around in there. What the exact attraction of this practice was, was not part of the story. Of course, you could recover the mercury, or most of it, less any dead volume, later just by taking a leak. I think it’s fair to say, that you couldn’t think of a better way to absorb metallic mercury into the body if you worked on it all day. As a public health measure, the others involved were notified of the danger.
Now, don’t let me see any headlines like “Strange Poisoning Epidemic Overtakes Comics Blog Readers.”
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol: Definitely a naval aviator, although I don’t remember her retiring. I do remember that her existence had never been mentioned before.
I called my wife a Plugger today because she emptied her purse and found a bunch of Werther’s Original hard candies. I should be getting out of the hospital soon. :)
@Anonymous:
#123: LUANN: Yep, that’s generally how I remember it too, though in far less detail. Thanks for history. Let’s see if Banana refutes us
@Anonymous: Most coherent Luann storyline.
@Human-eared Dragon: Not what I said or meant.
@Activist: There was a recent arc where Phil was looking for a new apartment for himself, and Luann basically invited herself to move in.
@Guillermo el chiclero: Good point, but I’m counting on the fundamentalist training being overwhelming here.
@Activist: Yeah, I don’t remember the details nearly that precisely, but the overall theme was that Luann wanted to move in with Phil somehOW. I probably got some of the details wrong.
@White Rabbit: What a bunch of dopes! The up-to-date perverts all use galinstan for that.
@Little Guy: You seem to be downplaying what happened at Luann’s daycare job. Letting an unauthorized visitor into a classroom with a weapon is hardly a minor thing for a parent to complain about. Luann got off light (and of course, learned nothing from the experience nor took any responsibility for her actions.)
@BigTed:
Helping those places stay open through Christmas season has to be considered a mitzvah, though.
@treetown:
Geez, Weber, put some pants on that anthropomorphized pachyderm!
@The Quiet Man: LUANN: Close but not quite. Pru was a theatre friend of Luann’s boyfriend Quill who came to town in order to help the Degroots get their theatre space running but putting on a show. She never expressed any interest in anyone but Luann got jealous of her friendship with Quill. Almost immediately after Luann broke up with Quill she revealed to Luann and Bernice that she was gay. But she didn’t tell anyone else (Quill already knew) so Les continued hitting on her and trying to buy her affections until she eventually revealed her orientation to him and let him down as easy as she could. But she never showed any attraction to anyone and in February 2020 she revealed that she had a girlfriend who was a pilot back in NYC. Less than a month later she disappeared from the strip altogether saying she was going back to marry the pilot. And then after she left she was wiped from the cast’s memories altogether.
@Al of the Christian Singles Jungle Patrol:
#102 PHANTOM: Changed hypothesis…. KJ’s old gf in India or Nepal had set out to find him. I was correct in that she is one carrying tray. But guess is she’s in that bar in the States where all those marked by Phantoms ring gather rather than Granny’s place. There she hopes to get a clue where KJ is.
Other hypotheses welcome.
Mark Trail Mix: CWCID, nice visual pun as Happy goes literally catfishing.
@Peanut Gallery: Geez, Weber, put some pants on
_______________________________
Did “Slylick Fox” and “69 Weirdchick Lame” swap artists again?
Slylick Fox And Komix For Kinky Kids: How to draw Yellow M&M™ as an elephant.
Late Thread Cuisine: I hear some people like burnt ends.
@Baja Gaijin: Well there’s one I wouldn’t have believed had I not seen it with my own eyes.
@Baja Gaijin:
#145. Just two comments – bananas look raw, hope bacon is cooked, “temporary cooking”? Your phrase?
@146 Artist formerly known as Ben: I know! It’s just so, so, odd.
@147 Activist: The dish was cooked for 15 minutes in a 400F oven. The “bacon” is sliced boiled ham. Yes, my phrase. Someone who served those burnt ends wouldn’t be allowed to cook ever again.
Herb and Jamaal : “I’ll have the Thou Shalt Not Kill tofu lambchops.”
@Baja Gaijin: There’s going for a sweet/savoury balance, and then there’s … _that_