Eternal return comics
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Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/21/26

The Comics Curmudgeon has been, in one sense, an experiment to see what writing a blog about newspaper comic strips for 20-plus years does to the human brain, and I’m here to testify that the results are … let’s say, mixed? Like, for instance, last night I literally had a dream that the end of the scam twins storyline in Rex Morgan, M.D., was revealed to be the swan song for the strip as a whole, and I woke up quite bereft! But thank goodness this was just a product of my fevered mind, and instead we’ve got a new adventure brewing, involving … a retired cartoonist working on some commissions? Pass. Hard pass. Glad it’s still happening, but we’ll be skipping this one.
Dick Tracy, 9/21/26

I thought this fellow was holding up his index finger in panel two in a “So you see…” sense, indicating impending exposition in which he would explain at length how Vio routed the money he stole from Ubusoft. But I guess he’s just pointing at that floating, indecipherable text (?) box on his monitor because it contains the explanation, somehow, which is honestly a real relief to me because now I don’t have to even briefly pretend I’m going to try to understand how it all worked.
Garfield, 9/21/26

Not to speak ill of another representative of the mid-to-late ’00s newspaper comics blog milieu from which I myself emerged, but I always thought the idea behind Garfield Minus Garfield was a little off. To me, the funny twist is not imagining that Garfield doesn’t exist, but that to Jon he’s an ordinary cat whose thought balloons are outside of his ability to experience. That really works with today’s strip, where as a cat owner he might be thinking, “Huh, my cat, who obviously does not speak or think in complete English sentences, does seem to be unusually dramatic and despondent on Mondays. Weird! Also not sure where he got that coffee mug from.”
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/21/26

Sorry, this strip doesn’t work for me at all. Nobody in Hootin’ Holler knows what a “citrus fruit” is, and if you tried to explain it to them they’d have you executed for witchcraft.
Intelligent Life, 9/21/26

Jesus Christ, you two, the Borg aren’t “AI,” they’re cybernetically enhanced biological intelligence, and Picard famously defended the citizenship rights of his AI friend in court, how are you such incredible losers but also not even good at being sci-fi geeks


43 replies to “Eternal return comics”
RMMD:
“Hey, Pop, what are you up to today?”
“Oh, just drawing a nude of your mother.”
RMMD:
“Hey, Pop, what are you up to today?”
“Dashing off a few forgeries here…say, that Belluso fellow had the right idea!”
Crankshaft-Bye, Pepper.
The reason why Dick Tracy isn’t in today’s Dick Tracy is that seeing some Poindexter stay in a chair and figure out crime and then fix the crime by looking at a screen and tapping some computer keys doesn’t sit well with Tracy’s itchy trigger finger.
Mary Worth:
“Omigosh, Saul!…they’re drinking coffee using beans that the Hills Bros. rejected!”
Mary Worth:
Clearly, Max has heeded Dr. Timothy Leary’s admonition to “tune in, turn on, drop out.”
DT … as the writer suddenly acquires just enough self-awareness to realize that _he_ has no idea how that plot thread untangled!
I’m actually mildly annoyed that after all our snark about what the bleep happened to that plot we’re not given the clear nonsense the writer was figuring out to shred like kittens playing with a yarn ball.
MW-Let’s get reactions from those who aren’t Mary’s disciples.
BG&SS: Re citrus fruits, a place where Snuffy has striped latte coffee art is probably more sophisticated than you think.
Garfield: A Garfield comic in which it turns out that Garfield is not a fan of Mondays is like a Blondie comic in which Dagwood seems to enjoy a sandwich or two. Or a Dennis the Menace comic in which Dennis turns out to be a bit of a scamp. Or a Mary Worth comic in which a neighbor calls her out for being a busybody. (Hey, wait, that just happened! If nothing else, let’s credit the Charterstone residents for having a good grasp of consistent ongoing character traits.)
BG&SS:
“I promise ya, Jughaid! — doin’ that will bear fruit!”
Modeling your actions after your favorite fictional character is a good idea in the world of Intelligent Life, if your favorite fictional character is Leatherface from Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Crankshaft : Someone has GROSSLY over-estimated how much of a beloved breakout character Pepper would be… unless @Liam is on to something, and this is setting up Crankshaft permanently destroying it with one of his trademark BBQ explosions…
**************
Garfield : wait, is this strip implying that in nearly 50 years, this is the FIRST time Jon has noticed that Garfield is upset on mondays?
**************
Intelligent Life : If you’re gonna pick a Star Trek captain that fights AI, you pick Kirk. Like, I wanna say 16 % of the show was Captain Kirk destroying evil AI by using rhetorical tricks
*to make them explode.* “Really bad improv comedy” from I, Mudd counts as a rhetorical trick in my book**************
Luann : Oh, this is still going. With any luck, they might actually get a dinner out of this dinner invitation.
ALSO : Nice of Nancy to admit she would have NEVER felt guilty about being so judgemental and hostile towards Toni at the beginning if Toni hadn’t plopped out a grandkid for her. She still doesn’t feel guilty enough to apologise, just enough to say she feels kinda bad about it!
*************
Rex Morgan M.D. : Glad to see “Horrible” Hank, who was introduced as a broken, forgotten old man in the final winter years (if not months, weeks, or merely DAYS) of his life, is now resurrected, and energetically drawing commission after commission for a legion of adoring fans.
RMMD: Commissions, eh? Good think Hank Harwood Jr. is too far away to see the art of someone’s furry OC getting eaten by an inflated Sonic the Hedgehog that “Horrible” Hank Sr. is drawing for sweet sweet Patreon bucks!
There are “Garfield is on panel but his thoughts aren’t visible” versions like Silent Garfield. Know Your Meme says that “Garfield Minus Garfield’s Thoughts” is older than Garfield Minus Garfield but doesn’t substantiate this–I definitely knew of some such account in the ’00s though.
RMMD It’s “look in on some of them”, so probably a whole week of wheel-spinning before a new plot. Not to worry, it _won’t_ be centered around the cartoonist drawing commissions – it’ll be even _more_ mundane and boring.
RMMD: “The Morgans are safe without ever knowing they were in danger. They can sleep easy. Exactly as easy as they’ve been sleeping because, as I may have mentioned, they never knew they were in danger.”
RMMD We now will now leave the previous nothing to bring you this new nothing, already in progress.
Garfield Have we gone so far in this strip that its looped back the the beginning? Quick, Garfield, what do you think of lasagne? Does the name ‘Nermal’ mean anything to you?!
BGSS When life goves you lemons…stick them on your elbows! I think thats the message here?
IL Sorry, is there a QR code to scan to see the final panel with the punchline? Because it’s missing.
MW: How is it possible to write a plot showing that none of Mary’s friends trust or respect her and still have it be this boring?
RMMD: I wonder if I could commission Beatty to draw something actually happening in this strip.
I don’t know, Josh. Hootin’ Holler seems like the kind of place where kids still get oranges as Christmas presents.
IL: “We need someone to break evil, Skip!!” sounds like a comment made right before an extremely smelly fart.
IL: Akstually… Picard snapped the neck of the Borg Queen after her organic parts were annihilated by the plasma stream. But, in Season 3 of “Picard”, the Borg Queen did return, much to the chagrin of Poe Dameron. Or was that Palpatine? Or did the Emperor become a Borg? No, that was Darth Vader.
JP: arc reset– so Ann got a job? Randy is acting like a brother?
CURTIS: Curtis may not know girls, but he sure knows his mother. All mothers.
S4th: it was tough– there are 59 shades of white.
RMMD: arc reset– from boring young people to thrilling folks our age.
6Cx: oh, I’m so glad to be out of an office. Never met anyone who liked a standing desk.
DT: “Oh yeah, Vio was guilty of the whole hacking thing. So it’s a good thing that you sho–er, that his gun happened to blow up and kill him.”
RMMD: Great, after we’ve spent a week checking on the completely uneventful life of the Morgans, we’re going to check in on all the completely uneventful lives of the supporting cast!
KIRK is the robot breaker. He’d give the AI a contradiction and then watch the smoke pour out of the box containing the computer.
Yom Kippur greetings to all who celebrate!
PHANTOM: Ego. Freaky unknowingly displays his weakness to Kit. (Pride leads to fall. Which starts tomorrow. You’re welcome.)
RMMD: I want to see a steel cage match beween Hank, Sr., and that smug Batiuk stand-in in “Crankshaft.”
BCN: I can’t tell if Dolly is a nod to the late Ms. Parton or not. The outfit has some of her flair, though the cleavage isn’t nearly as pronounced as it should be.
Dustin: It’s late September, kid. If you’re not in school by now it’s because your parents have decided to hand off your education to Dustin along with the rest of your care.
Luann: Yeah, think about this, Toni. Do you really want to propagate the deGroot DNA?
MW: Damn, even the dogs are interested in Mary and Ian’s affair!
Phantom: You gonna do anything there, O Ghost, or are you just going to let Muskmellon continue to villain rant while the Python has a bad trip?
MW: Our granddog (also a weiner) is lying here, wearing a bandana bearing the name of our pathetic NFL team. I am NOT wearing one. Just wanted to put that out there.
RMMD: Up next: Something horrible DOESN’T happen to “Horrible Hank!”
BG&SS: When life gives you lemons, trade them for corn, because NO ONE is going to buy frou-frou lemon hooch.
INTEL LIFE: Anyone who’s into Sci-fi has been expecting this. Personally, when I have to go into The Home, I hope there’s a nice Mr Data to take care of me. (Anyone who’s into Sci-fi knows that THAT will go horribly wrong)
Yes, strips like Jon which change Garfield into a regular cat, definitely predated Garfield Minus Garfield, which is more of an absurdist take.
@Powers: Damn, sorry, I meant Arbuckle. “Jon” is both a modern comic book-style fan comic or the original name of the proposed strip by Jim Davis that became Garfield.
Nancy now: Nice drawing of Fritzi legs. But when is this happening. The first frames show a light source from above – see the round shadows beneath the feet, but in the beach scene, no shadows even though the sun is setting. Is new Nancy set in a system with two suns?
DT: I don’t believe the writer understands how the ransomware crime is being carried out today. In the known episodes (many are hushed up), the money is sent to off shore account in a place where there is no treaty with the US or converted to a cryptocurrency and quickly spread out to elude detection. A one man “white hat” hacker is unlikely to so easily figure this out – UNLESS he is actually the one behind it and his partner is the old lady. They knew Widescreen and his pals were scamming Nile and realized they were the perfect dupes! This is why she never booted Widescreen and pals out and they never realized their whole system was hacked and being spoofed.(another entry in the “it isn’t that kind of strip”).
Tracy and Sam later are seen musing over how dumb Widescreen was, yet, how clever the original hack was realized that there has to be more. Sam realizes anybody could be behind an avatar / icon. They monitor the “white hat” hacker and while he does claw back some of the money, more than half is “unrecoverable”.
JP: Nice to see a new young couple move into their new home. Is Randy running off with Ann? And is Ann pregnant – using that box to hide her bump?
MW: Please let this amusing misunderstanding that on a tragic twist. Doctor Jeff finally catches word of that his “friend” Mary is stepping out on him. His sports car compensation, motor boat compensation and general angst over his masculinity boil over he challenges Ian to a duel.
Dick Tracy:
Oh thank goodness, I was really worried about the chump change that Widescreen had stolen from that huge multinational corporation worth billions of dollars, but it looks like this guy will be able to get it all back and set everything right! It’s a real load off my mind, and I’m glad Dick Tracy took the time to tell us about it.
RMMD: Hey, Hank Jr., here’s the question you should have asked: “Hey, Pop, what am I up to today? Any idea what my function in life is, now that I’m retired?”
DT: Nice touch, having the Empire Carpet guy standing around in the background for all of this.
Garfield: Even people who never read this strip know that Garfield hates Mondays. It’s right up there with his love of lasagna. In fact, when people satirize Garfield, they tend to overdo the “Mondays” stuff and the “lasagna” stuff because it’s literally all they know about the strip. And yet … this is somehow all news to Jon Arbuckle? I’m starting to think that Jon Arbuckle respawns every few years and has to relearn all the tropes of his own strip.
Snuffy: See, this is what a good marriage is all about — teamwork. “I see you’re having trouble coming up with a punchline to that setup, honey. Let me help you out. Okay, that’s our work for today. I’m heading to the breakroom if you need me.”
IL: Hey, at least this strip is not afraid to show an Apple logo. They don’t replace it with a pineapple or a potato or whatever. Good for them!
At first I thought that Snuffy was suggesting a mutually beneficial exchange, but then I realised that it was simply a variation of theft. Impoverishment produces zero-sum thinking, which in turns is a factor in blocking commerce, industry and prosperity
I did not realise how repetitive and stale “Garfield” had become until I saw even an idiot like Jon no longer being surprised by the repetitive running gags. Terrible zombie strip, Jim Davis would be turning in his grave! Wait, what do you mean he is still alive!? And working!?!?
“Vio was behind it all and we will recover the stolen money. I think we can wrap this storyline up and relax before the next one!”
“It’s not Friday, it’s Monday!”
“What!? Oh no, we are going to drag his corpse for the entire week, right!?”
FC: That’s right, Dolly. You don’t need a weatherman to know which was the wind blows!
Phantom: It’s starting to look like this strip is coming down with a case of the Rex Morgans, i.e., the villain is defeated by his own incompetence without the hero even being fully aware of what’s going on. We’ve already seen it happen with Vio’s sten gun in Dick Tracy, so I’m worried it’s spreading!
Intelligent Life:
I’m starting to wonder if the main cast of this comic aren’t really nerds at all, but rather paid actors who’ve been hired to perform as weird, off-putting nerd caricatures for unknown purposes, possibly in a pitiful attempt to counteract the cultural cachet nerds have gotten in recent years as their interests have begun to dominate global media. It would explain why everyone in the strip is unlikable and why none of their nerd references are particularly accurate. You can tell by the synchronized eye roll in the second panel here that they both think this material is beneath them, but it pays the bills.
Garfield:
It’s good to see that even after all these years, the comic strip Garfield can still reveal new and exciting information about the title character.
SFx: Great answer, but any readily verifiable question would do. For example, “am I a fox?”, would show who always lies.
Side issues, Deputy Dog shows his bias. Max shows he’s too distractible to lead investigations. Along with girl in yFrazz, pj palooza.
There is nothing funny about today’s Rex Morgan MD (like most days), so I’ll just use it as an excuse to quote The Onion: Old Man’s Son Also Old Man
Intelligent Life: Why do these geeks get to use official Apple merchandise in their strip, while everyone else is stuck using Pineapple products?
Dick Tracy: By “claw [the money] back” Unnamed Black Dick Tracy Character means, “I can either threaten the thieves with blackmail, or I can spam them with requests that they return your money.” If the going gets tough, he can hit them with the “pretty, pretty please.”
I realize that Hollywood hackers are basically Keyboard Wizards, but stealing money from banks is famously tricky. Maybe he’s gonna convince the blockchain managers to undo an elaborate series of transactions? Anyway, good luck, fellas!
MW: Olive receives news of the rumor telepathically through the dogs. Wisely, she relays the message to Toby via the talking parrots. Unfortunately, Toby doesn’t speak Spanish and the message goes unheeded.
[SQUAWK!] Your husband’s a louse. Your husband’s a louse. [SQUAWK!] (in Rioplatense Spanish)
[SQUAWK!] No, I don’t want another cracker! You effing dingbat![SQUAWK]