One-panel Wednesday
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Alice, 9/23/26
Faithful readers know that one of my favorite bits of Alice is the little … caption? extra text? … at the bottom, and its role in the narrative of each strip. Like today, you’re probably wondering: does it mean that Alice’s boyfriend is going to be doing all the driving again? Maybe she can take the bus or an Uber sometimes! Well, no: it turns out that it does mean that. The caption has spoken!
The Lockhorns, 9/23/26
The smile I can accept, but I’m really concerned with whatever Leroy is doing with the non-face parts of his body here. He’s … strutting? Dancing? It’s off-putting. Borderline grotesque. Knock it off, Leroy.
Beetle Bailey, 9/23/26
“What, the kids today can’t get horny from a drawing of a stacked blonde in a little black dress anymore? Huh? What is it that they want? Foot stuff? They like feet? Sexy lady feet, is that what they like? Fine, I guess we’ll give ’em feet.” –The Beetle Bailey division of Walker-Browne Amalgamated Humor Industries LLC, apparently unaware that the way they draw fingers and toes is actually quite repellent
47 replies to “One-panel Wednesday”
“My biggest problem right now is that I can’t stand up while anyone’s looking. You know, for reasons!”
I’d like to switch Alice’s dialog into a Gearhead Gertie strip.
I like to think the caption is the TV speaking to them, Magic 8 Ball style. There’s no shows on it, just blurted out statements at their spoken questions and vagaries.
“What are we having for lunch?”
“CONCENTRATE AND ASK AGAIN.”
If Daddy Daze isn’t going to show Grandma, she should be making Peanuts-esque ‘wa wa’ sounds and he should be translating.
Leroy mimes bellying-up to a bar. “Your money’s no good here, Mr. Lockhorn,” Lloyd tells him. The axe murders begin shortly thereafter.
BB: Since Buxley is a civilian contractor and not active military personnel would she be allowed to access the base psychiatrist?
FG: I wonder what Queen Dezzy is sucking out of that coconut shell.
JP: Ok, so Montoni’s it is!
Alice: I’m impressed that they didn’t feel the need to add the usual explanatory footnote like “Driver’s license: A plastic photo ID card stating the holder’s eligibility to drive various kinds of motor vehicle”. Without it, I think this strip might ask too much of the average Alice reader.
BB: “My biggest problem is I can’t help myself from looking up my patients’ skirts!”
Alice:
Wow. What a knee-slapper.
Lockhorns: Zombie Leroy is such a loser instead of eating brains he does the funky chicken.
Lockhorns: God in heaven, I think he’s twerking!
Lockhorns:
Frank Zappa of blessed memory captured Leroy’s ideation perfectly: “I’m a dancing foo-oo-oo-ool.”
BB “apparently unaware that the way they draw fingers and toes is actually quite repellent” Um, I consider myself a plain-vanilla naif and even *I* have more faith in Rule 34 than Josh. I bet there’s a *devoted* following and do *not* want to know more about it
Alice really is the new frontier of comedy, eschewing outdated ideas about joke structure and punchlines. Like what if, instead of a humorous misdirect, a joke was just a statement of fact that was reinforced through a caption? That might be funny, right? In a meta sort of way?
Luann you of all people should know that being a Degroot and being an obnoxious doof practically go hand in hand
MW The shouting will finally be overheard by Toby, because everyone in Charterstone can hear it before Nelly gets loud enough to get through Larry’s cut-rate hearing aids. The idiot plot continues, though, because Toby can’t muster the neuron firing to understand innuendo. “Why yes” she thinks “my husband *does* know a busybody widow – why would that be interesting? we all do
MT Among all the things Mark Trail doesn’t understand about caving, wow, geology is right up there… we have a previously-unknown underground river going through high-ceilinged caverns. Folks, I’m pretty sure the Smurfs had more realistic setups when going into caves to find dragons or magic flowers…
RMMD: Well, this is subtle foreshadowing. “Well, ancient man who is my father, I’m just gonna leave you all alone hunched over a drawing board under a hot light while I gallivant off to do who knows what! Sure hope I don’t come back to find you slumped over that same drawing board dead of a heart attack or stroke or seizure! That sure would put a cramp in my gallivanting since you’re the only one making any money around here! ‘Bye!”
JP: Gotta admit, I’m flummoxed. Which of these character pairs (Judgey Wudgey/Sophie, Randy/AnnDoris, Neddy/Sophie) are about to have their world turned upside down *yet again* by CIApril and the Past That Won’t Stay In The Past? Or maybe it’s a trick question and ‘The Walking Dead’ is about to begin in order to mess up everyone’s life.
BB-Problem one. Ms. Buxley is wearing underwear.
BB: Who/what made Ms Buxley go to the shrink? For one, she’s a civilian. And she’s ALWAYS been the most rational person at Camp Swampy.
ALICE: I assume the lines emanating from the left side represent a TV. Just to show that there’s one other object in that masterpiece of minimalism.
MW: YOU, IN THE CAR; SHOW YOUR HANDS. My imagination is going places that no imagination should go.
MW: How come not one person has found the gossip hard to believe? Is Mary the Charterstone ride?
MW: there isn’t enough lubricant in Santa Royale to make it possible.
MW: when Mary is orgasmic does she scream “Oh Mary, oh Mary?”
Today’s Beetle Bailey guest artist: Quentin Tarantino.
MW – even by Moy’s usual “let’s drag this out until even comatose patients and pluggers get it” standards, this has dragged beyond all reason. And the “Bum Boat followed by real boat” talk with Dr. Thrall will also go beyond its usual two weeks.
RMMD – Dad, we’re going to lunch. We’d invite you but this conversation is already pushing the bounds of my tolerance for sharing space with you.
BB – Since Miss Buxley isn’t actually in the service and not eligible for the,session, this feels like the opening salvo in an arranged sex role-play.
LHs – along with Dennis’ saddle shoes, Leroy’s inappropriate-for-his-generation dress-shoes-to-relax-at-home schtick really bugs the hell outta me.
@pugfuggly: Perhaps Alice is a neo-absurdist challenge to our perceptions of humor, not unlike Marcel Duchamp putting an ordinary urinal on a pedestal and forcing viewers to reevaluate what constitutes “art.” Or maybe it’s just a really, really terrible comic strip.
BB: If you’re going to cater to foot fetishists, you’d think getting the anatomy of the foot right would be a priority. Or is there some kink group out there for three-toed women? Actually, if there is, don’t tell me. I want to live in blissful ignorance.
Alice — I read this seemingly innocuous dialogue as flirtatious and an invitation to mate. Move over, Miss Buxley!
Pop and Locked — Actually, Leroy is celebrating his newly found power to make one arm grow longer than the other
Lockhorns: In my experience the lines at Costco, while frequently long, also go very fast, occasionally aided by employees who will ring up your cart while you’re still in the queue so all you have to do at the register is present your membership card and pay. I’m all for celebrating the small wins, but this one seems so minuscule that Leroy’s delight in it is just embarrassingly pathetic.
Let me fix Alice:
Alice: “I forgot to renew my driver’s license”
Boyfriend: “Was that because your head is open and thoughts just fall out?”
Caption: IT WAS.
MW: Nice of Burt Mustin to come back from the dead for a personal appearance.
Dustin: I mean to be fair, with the examples in Dustin’s household it’s unsurprising he would mistake insults and contempt for affection.
MT: I’m impressed Mark can scold like that while being swept away to his doom.
MW: At this point I’m forced to believe Mary and Ian’s conversation consists entirely of reactions and interjections.
“You’re brilliant, Mary!”
“That’s excellent, Ian!”
“Ha ha!”
“Oh, Ian!”
Alice continues to be the newspapers’ unknowable box of mysteries. Is this just a life update from the creator? Or is it a window into a surreal otherworld? If the former, just get someone to drive you to the license renewal office, lady. Or drive there yourself; don’t commit any moving violations, and it’ll be fine.
If the latter, the weirdos in Otherworld really need to step up their game! Sure, I can’t tell if they’re in a living room on a tiny sofa, or an alien bus depot, scrutinizing a two-dimensional glow-box on the left wall. If I can’t tell the difference between “artistic choices” and “bad drawings,” though, you’ve probably missed the mark.
Alice: I’m glad they didn’t show us the driver’s license. I don’t want to know what front-facing Alice looks like.
JP: “… no bra….”
Curtis: And there’s the bedbugs we’ve been waiting for.
Legend of Bill: Sylvia is what Brooke wished Pibgorn was.
BB: Repellent to you, perhaps.
Josh: “The way these feet and toes are drawn is repellent, it will not entice the perverts!” Sweet summer child…
Does this mean there won’t be another The Lockhorns until Sunday? Huzzah!
***
Why did she take her shoes off in the shrink’s office? Why is she there in the first place if everything’s okay? Look, this is Beetle Bailey It shouldn’t have more than one “WTF?” moment per strip, and we’re getting two in one panel? WTF?!?
B. Bailey: “Look. Can we skip the word games and just get to the part where you message my feet.”
BB: I’m more concerned about the mere presence of bare feet. Is this part of standard of care for mental health now? Is Dr. Bonkus a psychia-podiatrist? I have so many questions!
“If you are happy and well-adjusted, why are you visiting a psychologist?”
“They said there must be something wrong in my head if I am dating Beetle Bailey”
“That’s very offensive for him”
“It was HE who said it!”
“Anyway, I am here just to score some drugs!”
“I am not the candy man! Problems like ADHD and depression are serious and requires a combined approach of CBT and medication that must be designed ad hoc for each case!”
“Sorry, I didn’t want to offend you…”
“Nah, I’m just pulling your leg! What do you fancy trying?”
I see the bottom caption as basically the Greek chorus: it expresses the view of the author and makes the moral of the story explicit for the viewers with deficient understanding. This tool was abandoned with more developed art, but these days readers lack any media literacy and are probably reading while doomscrolling, so I have to admit its utility
Beetle Bailey
Dr. Bonkus’s speech bubble appears to be coming out of his ass, and if Ms. Buxley is happy and well-adjusted right now, she probably won’t be after listening to an old man’s ass-problems.
Shamans and holy men would dance in ecstasy to celebrate their communion with the Divine. Now we dance to celebrate small materialist victories in our bourgeois existence. TFW Entzauberung der Welt!
Alice:
For a second I was wondering “where exactly do Alice and her boyfriend need to go? Do we ever see them anywhere?” Then I remembered that this is Alice. Of course we never see them anywhere, together or individually. Nobody is anywhere in this strip! Everything takes place in an existential void!
Lockhorns: Move over Elaine, Leroy’s here to get this party going!
9CL: I know, I know, it’s just a cartoon… but crawling across an open grand piano would be painful and dangerous not sexy and alluring.
MW: “What!? Nanny and the Professor? Never watch it.”
THERAPISTS–
– BB: Taking notes from the successful
– ARGYLE S: Using the ink blot test (took me 20 seconds to get it)
THRIFTING- Good for the envIronment and the budget in these times. But not for everyone.
– CURTIS: not for the naive, I predicted this yesterday
– JP: Not for those born into privilege. Perhaps Ann could hold a bridal shower for herself, or ask Katherine for her stored items
– JUMP S: Consult before donating
– S4th: Ted has the thrifting brain?