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Archie, 2/27/10

I kind of love Jughead’s melodramatic hat-flipping drink-exploding spit-take of rage in panel three. It’s as if this final bit of Archie idiocy is just too much for him to handle. “Argh, I can’t believe I’ve been playing second banana to this moron for seventy years!”

Mary Worth, 2/27/10

If Mary Worth wants to dedicate a panel a day to Wilbur and Kurt’s ludicrous tomfoolery indefinitely, I for one would be OK with that. Today sets a hilariously low bar for the definition of “quality time.” “Hey Wilbur, hey Wilbur, check this out — I’m eating my own finger! Ha ha! No, don’t worry I’m not doing it really, but look, it looks like I am! Pretty funny, right?”

Spider-Man, 2/27/10

I’m sure these firefighters are just thrilled to have some out-of-town semi-employed “photojournalist,” armed with what appears to be a plastic Fisher-Price “My First Camera,” standing six inches behind them narrating every thought in his head aloud while they attempt to do their jobs. “Gosh, you guys, if we were in New York, Spider-Man could totally help me out right about now! But, uh, he doesn’t live here. Hey, is that someone burning to death upstairs? You guys? Anyone else hear that?”

Gil Thorp, 2/27/10

Aw, look how pleased Coach Kaz looks in the final panel — for once, someone is coming to him for advice! Sadly, it will just be another young man asking furtive questions about unbearable itching “down there,” proving once again why it’s a bad idea to overshare about your personal life when you’re substitute-teaching a high school health class.