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Apartment 3-G, 12/18/10

I fear that, in the wake of the makeover storyline, the breach between writer and artist of Apartment 3-G is now total, and now visuals that are crucial to the storyline are being neglected out of spite. “The first time I saw this building it gave me chills. You know, this building behind us that you can barely see, and what you can see of it is completely ordinary.”

Mary Worth, 12/18/10

“Waiting-at-the-altar Jill Action Figure” just rocketed to the top of my list of Christmas Presents I Really Want Even Though They Sadly Don’t Exist And Never Will. But my favorite person in panel two is the guy sitting in the front row there ostentatiously looking at his watch. The tails and striped pants would seem to indicate that he’s in the wedding party, which makes it all the more hilarious that his body language screams “Is this guy showing up or what? Because, you know, I’ve got places to be…”

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Apartment 3-G, 12/14/10

You might find it hard to believe that Lu Ann is sending out radar waves of pure pleasure at the prospect of a quick trip via PATH train to Hoboken, New Jersey, and may think that that she’s just enjoying the music of the pretty man’s voice without bothering to strain her thinking muscle in an attempt to figure out what his beautiful syllables mean. But remember, this is the girl who practically swallowed her tongue in joy at the prospect of a trip to South Dakota, so clearly she’s easy to please, destination-wise.

Beetle Bailey, 12/14/10

You probably viewed this comic with mild disgust at its content, combined with a certain amount of contempt for its portrayal of bedbugs as large enough to be visible. And of course it’s ludicrous that Sarge would be feeding them cereal, since bedbugs subsist on one and only one thing: blood. Which means that Sarge probably isn’t feeding them cereal at all, and is in fact holding a big bowl of scabs. Oh, did your disgust just get a lot less mild?

Mary Worth, 12/14/10

“You and Scott are meant to be together! You’re right to be sure! And sure to be right! You don’t mind if I hover mere inches away from you and talk to you while you attempt to share an intimate moment at a stressful time, do you? Of course you don’t!”

Zits, 12/14/10

Ha ha, Jeremy’s room smells like a dog pooped in it!

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Zits, 12/13/10

CHAD! For those of you who haven’t, say, read Zits for the strip’s entire 13-year run, or who don’t walk around with trivia about newspaper comic strips in your heads, “Chad” is Jeremy’s college-attending older brother, who hasn’t been mentioned in this strip since, uh, pretty much the entire time I’ve been doing the blog, so, you know, six-plus years. Apparently he stopped writing to or calling his parents and they sort of forgot about him,. I’m sure the strip’s dozens of uberfans are thrilled at Chad’s un-Chuck Cunninghamization, and its millions of casual readers are spending a few seconds blinking in confusion (“Chad? Isn’t his name Jeremy? Isn’t Jeremy in high school?”) before moving on to Marmaduke.

Funky Winkerbean, 12/13/10

A much more unsettling seemingly vanished character makes contact in today’s Funky Winkerbean. So, what do we have here? Is Les having a psychotic break and believes his dead wife is airport-paging him from beyond the grave? Has one of the overeager fans we’ve been seeing on his book tour incomprehensibly fallen in love with him/otherwise gone crazy and decided to assume his dead wife’s identity? Is someone that he’s screwed over on his rise to the top (for certain very limited definitions of “top”) playing a cruel mind game? Is this just some person who happens to be named Lisa who needs to get a hold of him quickly for some reason? The answer, of course, will be determined by which of these scenarios can be made most cruel.

Apartment 3-G, 12/13/10

“Damn it, I could have gotten some money, and all I got was a kiss from a dumb girl! Stupid, stupid, stupid!”