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Dustin, 2/4/22

“I mean, why would I stress about that? That whole thing is Dustin’s generation’s problem, and I don’t even like him! Anyway, if anyone needs me for the next hour, I’ll be in the bathroom, shitting.”

Rex Morgan, M.D., 2/4/22

Wow, it’s kind of amazing that Rex and June spent so much endless and extremely uninteresting time musing about whether Sarah could emotionally handle the publicity and fame of being a big-shot author about a cat who’s also a cop, and yet apparently didn’t bother checking to see if the Morgan family could legally and financially handle it if she got sued. Was this guy their lawyer then? He’d better hope he wasn’t, because Rex in panel three definitely looks like he’s going to murder whatever lawyer fucked this up, right before he murders Kyle Vidpa.

Beetle Bailey, 2/4/22

Hey, remember in the ’90s, when potato chip companies tried to market chips made with a zero-calorie fat substitute called “Olestra” despite the fact that they had to put a label on the bags that said, in a phrase that I assume was the end product of a lot of hilarious back-and-forth with the FDA, that they caused “loose stools”? Frito Lay’s version of these chips were marketed under the WOW brand, something that just popped into my mind, probably for no reason.

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Hi and Lois, 1/22/22

You have to respect the unspoken shorthand these two best pals share. If they were mere acquaintances, Thirsty would have to do a lot more hemming and hawing about how, gosh, it really is cold out, huh, and getting a little dark, wow, maybe, uh, maybe if you’re making dinner, if it isn’t too much trouble, I mean … and so on. But no, he can jump right to “I haven’t eaten since I drunkenly fucked up in some way I no longer remember at 10 am and I can’t feel my feet, help me out, buddy, will ya?”

Beetle Bailey, 1/22/22

Look, I don’t have any secret inside knowledge about how the comics are made, or about which strips are the vision of a single creative mind and which are put out by workshops where gag writers and visual artists work in tandem. All I’m saying is that I have a hard time believing that anyone would think a strip about getting your palm read would be a good idea if they were the same person who drew hands that looked like that.

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Daddy Daze, 12/17/21

Normally, I’m a big proponent of the “show, don’t tell” maxim in a visual medium like the comics, but you know what? I have zero interest in seeing twelve misshapen lumps of crumpled up newspaper stuffed inside baby clothes arranged in a circle in the middle of the floor while the Daddy Daze daddy crawls around them, interpreting his child’s incoherent babbling as Reginald Rose’s Emmy-winning dialogue. I don’t want to see that at all! I don’t even want to hear about it!

Beetle Bailey, 12/17/21

I was going to go on a riff here about how apparently we’re getting some psychological backstory on why Rocky is the way he is and ask who is that for, exactly, but then the question occurred to me: who is any of Beetle Bailey for, when you think about it? I mean I guess there are still people who jerk off to Miss Buxley, but I assume that’s a demographic that’s dying off pretty rapidly at this point. So sure, whatever, let’s get into the poverty-haunted home life that led to Rocky’s war crimes trial, might as well.

Crankshaft, 12/17/21

Ha ha, it’s funny because Crankshaft was playing Santa at Lillian’s store, but then he got drunk and passed out!