Deadly Sunday
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Mary Worth, 3/19/23
It’s true and tragic that the veterinarians have higher than typical rates of death by suicide, and it’s also great that there’s a support group specifically targeted to them. But you have to admit that it’s very funny that Estelle has been blown off by a Ed after exactly two dates that were a year apart, and the conclusion she’s come to is “He’s probably avoiding me because he wants to kill himself.”
Rex Morgan, M.D., 3/19/23
Am I little sad that we didn’t get several strips of Hank Jr. watching rambling hour-long YouTube videos of “cruise tips from an expert”? Am I disappointed that we weren’t treated to the several wrong turns he and Yvonne took on their journey to this cute little out-of-the-way eatery? Yes, of course. But just as it was designed to do, the carefully crafted narrative of this strip BLEW THOSE THOUGHTS OUT OF MY MIND in the final panel by teasing me with the prospects of who the last-minute musical guests are. Will one of them be “Mud Mountain Murphy?” Will his signature musical power move — pretending that he has to take a huge shit in order to move up in the order from opener to headliner — backfire spectacularly, during this cruise’s inevitable norovirus outbreak?
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 3/19/23
This is actually a cunning move on Snuffy’s part. The pastor is about to wander onto the landholdnings of the Barlows, who don’t take kindly to being hit up for money, and Snuffy’s made sure that his clan rivals’ alibi isn’t going to hold up in court.
175 replies to “Deadly Sunday”
MW:
“And Ed, I want you to know I haven’t paid a lick of attention to those lurid press allegations about your supposed dealings with that Cavalier King Charles…I don’t believe for a second that you paid hush money on account of Stormy the Spaniel’s botched surgical operation that you did!”
Spiderman-Look it’s Iron Fist’s partner Power Bottom Man.
Slylock Fox-Like all villains Count Weirdly has to have a secret volcano lair.
RMMD-All he’s done is watch ‘Love Boat’ reruns.
RMMD-“I can’t get over huge this ship is. Anything else will be a disappointment.”
MW-“Ed, I’m starting to stalk you.”
FC-“Who’s been into my perfumes?” “I saw Daddy in his best dress putting on your perfume.”
I wonder what a Hägar the Horrible/Beetle Bailey mashup would look like? Click the word to find out.
“And Ed, since I’m leaving an interminably long message to begin with, I want you to know that I’ve written a song about my recent lunch at Salad Town with my nosy termagant neighbor Mary Worth. Perhaps you can play it on the piano! — here it is!
“There must be some kind of way out of here,”
Said the moper to the creep.
“There’s too much seclusion —
I can’t get no real beef”
Busy man, he brings my whine
Cowed man gives my dearth
None will level on the line
Nobody utters “Ms. Worth”
Hey
[guitar break]
“No reason to get Ed cited,”
The creep, she finally spoke
“There are many here among us
Who think your strife is but a joke.
But you and I, we’ve been through that
And this is not a mate
So let us not talk schmaltzily now
The glower is getting great”
Hey
[guitar bridge]
All alo-ong the botched hour
Winces kept in view
While awful women came and spent
They were serviced, too
Outside in the cold distance
One-eyed cat did prowl
Stewed diners were reproaching
And chagrin began to howl
Hey
All alo-ong the botched hour
[outro to fade]
MW. Estelle fell hard for an online grifter, thinks she’s in love with a guy she dated twice (two years apart) and her most significant long-term relationship was with Wilbur Weston. Just saying, maybe Dr Ed isn’t the one in need of counseling here…
MW — I seem to remember that Khalil Gibran wrote something about not leaving long rambling passive-aggressive messages on the phone of a man you’re interested in, but it’s been some time since sophomore year of college. . .
RMMD — Aspiring writers are admonished to Show, Not Tell, but frankly Showing And Telling is even more annoying.
MW: Whoa, As I was about to write this comment, the local news which I have on in the background is doing a story on overworked Veterinarians specifically mentioning their high suicide rates. It’s a strange world when Mary Worth is leading the news cycle.
Wrecks Morgan:
It’s Entertainer Esme, doing a guest appearance!
Hopefully.
____________________________
Wary Morth:
Sympathetic ear: def. An ear to which a mobile phone is being held in a manner impossible for normal, unsympathetic, human beings.
____________________________
Wary Morth 2:
Meanwhile Dr Steven is busy writing his autobiography, All Creatures Grunt And Smell.
@Baja Gaijin:
Yes.
Yes you do.
I see today’s Rex Morgan and wonder where Otto Kretschmer is when you need him.
MW: Oh, crap. Karen Moy really is trying to do a Very Important Issue. We’re already off to a terrible start thanks to the focus on bizarrely corporate speak-laden negative online reviews from a single irritated client as well as problems coming from inexplicably terrible appointment scheduling, so by the time we catch up to Ed on Wilbur’s Cliff I expect he’ll be shaking and sobbing about people taking his parking spot and not putting the waiting room magazines back in the rack.
Seriously, jokes aside, this is going to be awful.
RMMD: Of course it’s going to be Truck Tyler and Mud Mountain Murphy. We already know how lame Truck is, but sadly I don’t think we’re going to see the fun and likable original version of Mud, just the petty, douchey loser who gets his comeuppance. Then again, this being Terry Beatty, maybe it’s neither and Beatty just needed the characters to talk about something while he fed them a modest-yet-very-tasty meal for the fifth time in two weeks.
SlyF: Since when does Count Weirdly need a reason to pack a surfboard when traveling?
Flylock Socks:
Ye olde rerune joke is on Slylock; he misread the clue. Weirdly’s hideout is on the highest mountain in the solar system, and Max and the Fox are about to crash because their helicopter can’t get any lift in the thin Martian air.
@Voshkod:
I’d settle for Somali pirates.
MW: *Ring, ring!*
“Vets Are Good! Can I help you?”
“Uh…yeah. Yes, I guess you could say…I need help….”
“Vets Are Good has lots of resources. Are you a vet?”
“A DOCTOR OF VETERINARY MEDICINE. THAT kind of vet.”
“That’s a good start. You sound proud of your profession. We all are. Thank you for your service.”
“No, I was never in the serv—“
“Vets Are Good embraces all the many ways vets help us all. Especially animals. Why, if it weren’t for vets, we couldn’t walk our dogs, or pet our cats, or even EAT!”
“I don’t treat large animals…”
“No problem. How can we help? I have a pamphlet that includes a collection of all our weekly inspirational and motivational quotes. Would that help you in your work?”
“I DON’T need help in my WORK. WORK is great. It’s this woman I dated twice who’s driving me crazy. She won’t leave me alone and keeps calling me. Today she left the creepiest message on my voicemail. I’ve tried to let her down easy—I even sent her roses just to soften the breakup. I mean, if you can even CALL it a breakup. We only went out twice.”
“Roses? Long stem?”
“Yes. A dozen.”
“What color?”
“Why, RED, I think…! Don’t they usually send red…?”
“Well, I hate to break it to you, but red roses signify love and passion.”
“Wha—?!!”
“You should have sent lilies.”
“But—“
“Daisies would have worked. You know, as in “pushing up”—you need to convey the idea that it’s over. That your love is dead.”
“But I don’t LOVE her! We only went on two lousy dates!”
“Those roses are telling her otherwise, bub. Has she offered a sympathetic ear, or emotional support?”
“Y-yes…just now on her voice mail. It was like—like she was STALKING me. It made me feel dirty. I had to take a shower.”
“Hoo, boy.”
“But what should I do NOW? Should I send a follow-up bouquet with lilies?”
“No. She’ll interpret that as meaning you’re ready to die for her.”
“I didn’t have a problem before we had those dates! I love my work, I’m great at my job—I mean, I might euthanize a lot more animals than SOME vets, but my work load is manageable, and the animals that don’t die are usually return customers. Everything was fine until this woman brought her dog and cat in, and the next thing I knew, she was asking me when we can get together again and leaving creepy messages on my phone…! I can’t take it!”
“Calm down. Look, I can hear you’re at the breaking point.”
“God, I wish I’d euthanized her pets when I had the chance…!”
“Now, now. I think I’ve done what I can to help, but if you need more help—and it sure sounds to me as if you do! GEEZ!—you should call this number. Got a pencil? Okay, 555-555-5555. Got it? That’s 555-555-5555. Write it down and keep it with you.”
“What is it?”
“It’s a counseling service called Love Muffins. You order muffins and talk things over with the woman who makes them. I haven’t talked to her myself, but I know people who have.”
“Like who?”
“My buddy, Aldo Kelrast, for one. He got great advice and tragically killed himself.”
“He did WHAT??!!!”
“Look, bub, I’ve helped you all I can. Hell, YOU’RE the dope who sent red roses. Puts.”
*click*
“555–wait, what was that number again…?”
@Charterstoned:
Extra extra long form SCOTW
BG&SS: The penultimate panel is a lil’ hillbilly cheesecake for y’all. That’s it, Snuffy — shake yer moneymaker! (Which you really need to do, since y’ain’t got no money.)
Look, I’m not too proud to say I’ve been on plenty of cruise ferries in my time, and never even once have I boarded and found my cabin not ready. The ship has been sitting in dock for hours, maybe days, and the crew haven’t even been able to change the bedsheets? Never mind skipping the buffet, that’s the kind of hygiene situation that makes you wish you’d brought packed lunches.
RM: If the surprise musical guest turns out to be Charo I could forgive a whole bunch of shit this strip has put me through.
RMMD: “I’m not worried at all about motion sickness, Yvonne, because I took Dramami…ZZZZZZZZ.”
9 Chickweed Lane : “Au Secours! Au Secours! Mes maîtres sont des débiles! Ils baisent continuellement sans se soucier de ce qui se passe autour d’eux! Putain, j’ai bouffé leurs deux filles jumelles et ils ont même pas remarqué! Venez me porter chez un vétérinaire pour me faire endormir, ou mieux, les porter EUX pour qu’ils se fassent buter!”
******
Crankshaft : On the one hand, 27 000 hours of entertainment sounds both limited for multiple streaming services + the Jeff&Pam were shown leaving the house at various points over the last few years (that Handel Messiah show HAD to have shaved 3-4 hours off that at LEAST). On the other hand, this confirms that Jeff doesn’t have a day job, and that when he’s not present on panel, he’s just watching tv in the next room.
Note : neither of these arguments are “we were never shown the Crankshaft-Murdoch being confined at home on panel during the last three years, what is this about”?*******
Frazz : I dunno, you’re born at just the right time for you yourself to throw your own “gender reveal” party when you reach adulthood. Why do people assume baptism is something that happens only to the littlest babies, when it’s frequently been a thing that happens to adults, too?
********
Mary Worth : are we going to get the website’s adress? Is this whole ” ‘Stelle dates a veterinarian” storyline just a disguised PSA for said animal health professionals, to tell them there’s no shame in getting the help they need, and where to get it?
********
Rex Morgan M.D. : if there was an antagonist to make a surprised comeback, I’d rather it be the “rude passenger/polite passenger twins” or the Street Sweeper (as improbable as him relapsing would be), but I’m okay with it being Mud Mountain again.
*******
Slylock Fox : that factoid annoys me, but the mystery makes sense : of course Count Weirdly is the kind of guy to use a technicality as a pretext to build a volcano lair on a tropical island instead of one hidden in a snowy, freezing, rocky mountaintop.
@Bob Tice: #20
“Also, we’re in a REX MORGAN plot, so any apparent ‘motion’ is illusory.”
Crock: “Desert Scum”‘s real name is of course not Floyd. He knows that the French wouldn’t be able to pronounce it, so he uses an alias. And he chose an English-sounding alias because having to put an English word in their mouths will infuritate them to no end.
BG&SS: Snuffy gives the parson an orange can cozy rather than an orange hat or orange jacket because of the harsh economic realities of Hootin Holler: when parson Tuttle gets mistaken for a bear and shot, he’ll be there to scoop up the collection can, and he wants to make sure it isn’t shot up, too.
MW: Unfortunately for Dr. Ed, Wilbur has hacked the website which now shows concentration camp photos.
“Feeling down, Doc? Maybe these pics will help. Heh, heh.”
@Baja Gaijin: Perfection!
MW – “I found this group called ‘Not One More Vet.’ Turns out there are way too many veterinarians! You should retire!”
Jungle Jim – “Tuan Jim,” says Kolu, “How we hack through jungle without leaving trail?”
“We must hack gently, Kolu. And put all the vines back where we found them after we pass through.”
“But is already perfectly good, clear trail right over there–”
“Oh sure, Kolu. If you want to do it the sissy way…”
Jungle Jim: Only a few weeks ago, Kitty protested that she wasn’t qualified to do secretarial work. I wonder if she’s qualified for special-operations missions in a steaming jungle? Somehow, I don’t think her week of hobbling around a desert island in high heels and relying on Jim to help her survive counts as a qualification for that.
FC: Thel confronts Big Bil.
“Who’s been trying on my bras!?”
“Search me. Wait! Don’t!”
@Baja Gaijin: I puked, I retched, I threw up in my mouth and some more. And then I read your mashup and it all made sense.
@9 Ukranazi Stepan: This mashup was a bit too easy.
@25 brendancalling: Thanks.
@30 Prick Henderson: I can only surmise you read “Mary Worth” prior to my mashup.
MW: If Dr. Ed really is depressed it’s his nephew’s fault, you know. That kid was the one all bummed out about the job. Then he talks to Ed, and Ed catches depression. What if Ed infects Estelle? Oh, she’d be a huge downer. They need to find that nephew! You have to kill the head vampire to cure everyone else!
Mary Worth: I am genuinely shocked that Estelle seems to be actually trying to make things work with Ed despite his “overworking” instead of just dumping him for Fucking Wilbur. In true Mary Worth-fashion, though, the strip mainly just succeeds in making its “well-adjusted” characters look dysfunctional as all hell, this time by making Estelle look like a clingy nutcase who instinctively expects her lovers to drop everything on her behalf to the point that she has to be cajoled by Mary into practicing basic consideration for her boyfriend who has a stressful, demanding line of work.
Rex Morgan: The cruise ship better be hijacked by pirates that’s all I’ll say.
Snuffy Smith: The pastor shakes his head in bafflement and continues on his way. Then a tree explodes next to him from being struck by a bullet. Snuffy and his raiders come over the hill astride their horses, guns in hand. “Forgot to tell ya, pastor!” yells Snuffy, “We’s huntin’ the most dangerous game this season!”
MW – Seven panels of blather, and Estelle could have achieved more by merely saying, “I bought some edible panties.”
MW: Ed’s not home, he’s at his Stalked By A Woman I Only Dated Twice support group.
RMMD: Yvonne has learned her lesson well and will NEVER say ” boat” again.
And pleasepleaseplease let Mud be loading up at the buffet as we read!
BG&SS: Wow, it really is called a Koozie. I thought it was Raunchy Funnies Sunday in the Holler.
SLYLOCK FOX: I realize that Count Weirdly is the only human mad scientist we see in this strip (and one of the few humans of any sort), but surely in this brave new animal-dominated world he can’t be filling an important niche like “mad scientist” all by himself, so I assume there are a number of animal mad scientists out there who are probably consistently really pissed off that they’ve lost out on the chance to be an archenemy to Mr. Fox, the strip’s only resident superhero (such as he is).
And now Doc Weirdo has taken over the world’s tallest mountain, making all of the animal mad scientists who had “build secret laboratory in awkward location like the interior of world’s highest mountain” on their New Year’s resolutions “To-Do” list will have to settle for utilizing the world’s mere second, third, fourth, etc. tallest mountains instead!
Of course, Weirdly is so busy that he certainly can’t be planning to live/lurk in it fulltime, so maybe his nefarious plan is to make it a timeshare thing?
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: #34
“MW – Seven panels of blather, and Estelle could have achieved more by merely saying, “I bought some edible panties.””
Just don’t tell Dr. Ed that they’re “muffin-flavored.”
Rex Morgan, MILF Diver – If only Hank had researched the archives of Mary Worth instead of Google, he would have known that the fish on the carpet point to the bow – or the stern or the magnetic north pole or wherever that steering wheel thing is – and he would have avoided all those wrong turns.
So I’m guessing that pestering the congregation for collection money is a feature of Protestant churches.
SHERMAN’S LAGOON: A little-known perk of being the corrupt mayor of the lagoon is that you can walk right into the bedroom of any resident whenever you want to do so. (Of course, this is made easy by all rooms/”rooms” in this strip lacking walls, floors, or ceilings.) He probably knows more about this shark couple’s sex life* than he really needs to by now, including the fact that Sherman’s wife wears her necklace even in bed.
*well, they do after all have a son, and I don’t think storks make underwater house calls
RMMD: “I watched some videos and learned a lot. For instance, we’re not allowed to stand on the railing at the ship’s bow and yell, ‘I’m king of the world!’ Some asshole in California did that, and you can see him pitch right over the edge. It’s hilarious!”
CS: “It’s official. We’re done. We’re out of excuses to avoid talking to our family. . . . Unlessss . . . Pam, do you know what ‘gaming’ is?”
JP: “So I’m here. We’re here, Sam. We. You and me. Together. Two lonely souls. A team. Inseparable. Come here. Take me, Sam. Take me.”
“Uh, where?”
BB: Why would the general want to classify the procurement of new latrines? And come to think of it, why would he want to handle such a trivial matter personally? The only reason I can think of is that the entire deal is crooked and he wants to cover up some deep corruption. The contractor can’t really have been bribing the general with money (since he’s still living in the same small house as ever) but perhaps they have some dirt on him and have been engaging in some blackmail? “Give us the contract or we’ll make sure your wife gets those pictures of you installing a spy camera in the women’s rest room and drooling over pics of Ms. Buxley taking a dump”. Yes, that must be it.
But he’s about to get his just deserts now that one of his officers has leaked the whole story. Today’s headline in the base paper may have upset him, but just wait until Fox and CNN reporters start calling.
@Anonymous: “Why do people assume baptism is something that happens only to the littlest babies, when it’s frequently been a thing that happens to adults, too?”
Because they’re mostly familiar with denominations that do infant baptism, and not denominations that do believer’s baptism.
MW: Regarding the “two dates a year apart” thing, is that in our time or in comic strip time? Those are not the same thing.
SFx: The Count’s megalomania is making itself more and more apparent. I mean, of course a supervillain needs a secret laboratory, and putting it inside an active volcano has a certain flair, a certain weirdness to it, but why does it have to be in the world’s tallest one? Wouldn’t it make more sense to hide in some more run-of-the mill volcano that doesn’t stick out so much, and isn’t a popular tourist attraction?
MW – Somewhere near the start of this arc, I wondered in these pages if Karen had read that article on suicide among Veterinarians and if she was going to build this arc around it, and she has. The constant references to euthanizing animals was kind of a, er, dead giveaway. Now that Nephew Steve has apparently fled, it’s all on Ed to play angel of death to all his clients’ furbabies sooner or later.
All of this is to say that Estelle shouldn’t have let Mary go without getting the GPS coordinates to suicide cliff.
CS: Is that even technically possible? With the pace streaming channels are producing new content nowadays, wouldn’t you need to watch for more than 24 hours a day to finish it all? Unless, of course, they’re using “finished” in some sort of Batiuk sense of “Watched ten minutes of the first episode, decided we didn’t like it”?
The next morning, Estelle visits Mary again. “I did it, Mary. I left him a long voice mail indicating how clingy and needy I am. It was so long that the first part got cut off and I had to call back. Twice. I expect to hear back any day now. Thanks again for all your help.”
Meanwhile, Dr. Ed rouses himself in another alcoholic stupor and heads to work unshowered and unshaven.
PRINCE VALIANT: Val “is not prepared to admit that it was his failings that placed Arn in the Regency in the first place.” If he’d remembered to book earlier and spend just a little more money, Arn could have been staying in a much nicer hotel.
PLUGGERS: We’ll hope that in PluggerWorld that horses at least are still animals and not sentient beings; otherwise, Unspeakable Filth.
POPEYE: Phrase to work into conversation today: “You can have truth or a face with no black eyes, not both.”
DICK TRACY: Er, DICK TRACY strip, you don’t develop a working time machine for quite a while yet, so why does yesterday’s story “development” obviously take place a few hours after today’s?
AGNES: Let’s just hope Agnes doesn’t discover the “true believers” forum for LUANN and decide she can outdo the current residents with one flat foot tied behind her back. (Until she finds another hobby, probably tomorrow.)
https://www.gocomics.com/agnes/2023/03/19
BB: I wonder how poor the sanitation at Camp Swampy has to be for the procurement of new latrines to be not just front-page news in the base newspaper, but to merit a headline that covers the entire page by itself.
@jroggs:
Correct-a-mundo.
@Anonymous: #20
“Crankshaft : On the one hand, 27 000 hours of entertainment sounds both limited for multiple streaming services…”
Jeff is claiming they *watched* all that; by “finished” he means they’ve finished downloading them. Now they need to carve out another 27,000 hours to actually *watch* them.
@Hibbleton:
That’s their new bedroom roleplay.
“Unbutton your shirt. Now!”
Bil does so, with feigned reluctance, revealing one of Thel’s frillier pieces of lingerie.
“You’ve been a bad boy, Bil! Very bad! Bend forward and wait while I get the paddles!”
“Yes, mistress Thel”
@Shrug: #51
Er, that should have read “Jeff is NOT claiming…”
Time for more coffee.
Popeye. I used to read this comic as a child, but now. It just seems weird.
“He canceled at the last minute. He wanted to take Olive out for a date.”
“You’ll never see me cancel poker for a broad.”
Meanwhile, out on the ocean somewhere, Popeye is rowing a boat at night while Olive Oyl plays the accordion.
She says to Popeye, “I know you love animals. To each and every big, goofy, thoughtless, useless animal. Sometimes to your own detriment.”
He replies, “ I’m starting to think ya don’tsk like me asking Wimpy to tag along.”
Then Wimpy remarks that Olive’s playing is like the sound of animals dying slowly.
—————
Were they always this mean to each other? Did they always have such bizarre scenarios and I never noticed?
I mean, Popeye and Wimpy are friends, right? And Olive Oyl is his girlfriend?
Barney Google and Snuffy Smith: Careful there, Josh. That’s Parson Tuttle. The Federated Amalgamated Quivering River Brethren, Hootin’ Holler do not take kindly to heresy.
BB: It’s truly sad to see how the General’s long-lasting alcoholism has damaged his brain and caused this once
greatmediocre man to devolve into rampant paranoia. Of course, the idea of any of his officers wearing a wire to spread the dirt on the classified latrine procurement is completely absurd. It’s Ms. Buxley, who’s not just typed out all his correspondence on the matter, but also fraternizes with the enlisted men, who’s the leak.I’m a bit surprised that he isn’t strip-searching her for the wire – that would be far more in character. Either that sensitivity training he was forced to go through has finally had some effect, or his brain is even further gone thatn I thought.
Mary Worth: “You’ve been good to Libby and Pierre…I do have to wonder if it was the right thing to stitch them together Ray-Milland-and-Rosie-Grier-style, though…”
REX MORGAN M.D: Oh please, Hank Jr. We all know the “advice” received was just from old Mary Worth comics (“PROTIP: Getting drunk and making yourself fall overboard ruins relationships. Also PROTIP: Making someone else…particularly no-good hussies…fall overboard saves relationships. Further PROTIP: The boat making multiple people fall overboard is kinda bad though.”)
Jungle Jim – As far as I can tell, Jim’s cunning plan is to strike out blindly into the jungle and hope to be captured by the bad guys they’re looking for. Not only should they not be worried about leaving a trail, they probably should send up some signal flares just in case poor Pedro has trouble finding them again.
RMMD: Yessss! Of course it will be Muddy! I admit it’s better storytelling to have the Big Reveal about his former marriage to Yvonne NOW while she’s on her honeymoon cruise! Nice job with the long game, Mr. Beatty.
RM:MD
Wait, is this the long awaited crossover story with MaryWorth! Isn’t that Wilbur sitting in a chair on the promenade deck? He knows that Cruises skewer to a much older crowd. That’s why he hasn’t used his Grecian Formula on his comb over. Widowers beware, Wilbur is on the waves!
MW: was that a voicemail? Even Karen Moy should know nobody listens to long, rambling voicemail messages.
Josh: suggested prompt for Midjourney: “massive faux shit backfiring.”
RMMD: Is that little restaurant called Cannabis Corner. Yvonne looks wasted.
BG&SS – If I’m a parson in an impoverished backwoods town, I’m definitely not going to greet the possibility of a contribution to my church with sarcasm.
MARY WORTH: Estelle, a guy needing to call a suicide and depression hotline after a few dates with you is not a flattering look!
MARY WORTH (2): So um…..Estelle has only gone on two dates with this guy (years apart) and she’s already madly in love with him and acting as if he’s “the one?” And she didn’t go on any dates with “Arthur/Arther”, and yet was willing to give up her life savings to him anyway?
Just saying that Estelle may be kinda clingy and nutty.
JP: OK, they’re a team now. Great! Doing what, exactly? Ces either forgot to tell us, or is keeping us in suspense. I’m betting on the former.
MW: Cut to a hidden room somewhere with a map on the wall marked with all the homes of Dr. Ed’s patients, as well as every pet owner close enough to his veterinary clinic that they’d probably run there over their regular vet in an emergency.
Wilber lurks there, carefully portioning out the right amount of poisoned kibble and treats for his chosen targets of the day; enough that they’ll get sick enough for a vet visit, but not enough to be deadly when nothing goes wrong. He’s learned his lesson from the past, instead of upsetting Estelle by stalking her he can be more proactive about making sure things never have a chance to go anywhere with Ed.
Now, I am not a hunting expert, goodness knows. But isn’t hunting season in the fall? Is Hootin’ Holler the way it is because they kill off the nursing mothers every spring?
Pluggers: Don’t even think it, dahling. Those BeastHybrids give me the creeps, and I’d never allow one on my back! I don’t know who that Equine guest star is, but I can bet she’ll be giving her agent hell…
MW: I’m not sure “I haven’t seen you in a while, here’s a suicide crisis group” is sending quite the message Estelle (or Moy) is intending…
RMMD: Joke’s on Hank–the smaller (read: specialty) restaurants are usually closed for lunch on embarkation day, or if they are open tend to be reserved for suite or high-level loyalty club passengers. The “wrong turns” were probably him finding this out until they resigned themselves to the main dining room, where their corner is “quiet” only in the comparative sense in that the large, noisy family from Des Moines is on the other end of the large space.
Then again, their cruise ship has no defining livery and only one (1) lifeboat, so when this no-budget off-brand liner meets with disaster finding a quiet restaurant will be the least of their problems.
@gardenornament: Call it a hunch, but I strongly suspect that’s how every man in the Funkyverse uses the term “finished”…in all aspects of life, if you catch my drift.
JP: so Sam and Gloria are going to be doing charity lawyering? That’s mighty nice of them.
BB- LT. Fuzz’s ‘tighty whities’ leave nothing to the imagination. With emphasis on the word ‘nothing’.
@Shrug: “…will have to settle for utilizing the world’s mere second, third, fourth, etc. tallest mountains instead!”
It’s funny you mention that, but as this blog’s resident perennial insane theocratic dictator wannabe, MY secret lair is in the world’s third largest… whoops! Trying to trick me again, eh, Shrug?
// The count has a pet Galapagos tortoise — is that new?
I don’t think the parson is going to get much in the way of contributions wandering around the forest with his can, but I guess even in hunting season it’s safer then walking up to people’s doors in that area and asking for money.
A medical strip like “Rex Morgan MD” should not promote unsanitary experiences like cruises! It would be like relationship strip “Mary Worth” promoting toxic relationships! Wait…
MW: Don’t be too proud of yourself, Khalil Gibran. You just paraphrased a dictionary definition.
BGSS: “Stop the presses! No really stop them! The weak hold I have on this community is due to my ability to pass knowledge of the Bible orally, I cannot allow the Gutenberg revolution and literacy to introduce a personal relationship with the Scriptures!”
@Nehemiah Scudder: A tortoise that loves garlic, apparently. I tried a quick internet search to see if tortoises eat garlic, and the results varied from “they love it and it won’t hurt them” to “it’s poisonous.” We need a Sunday Mark Trail on this!
Today’s Oglaf speaks to me.
Actually “Not one more Vet” will do the opposite of helping Ed. It is a lobby group dedicated to freezing the number of veterinarians at the current level by blocking aid for veterinary school, putting numerus clausus and tightening licence requirements. By strangling supply, current veterinarians will be swamped with work but able to set prices at the highest level.
By the way, I have some experience of families with a dog and cat – Jihadi Rose’s mum has a dog and two cats – and I’ve never seen a situation where two of them sat side by side staring up at their human’s face, smiling creepily. I would be worried if I had.
BGSS: “Well, I’ll be”. It’s true, many theologians believe that a better translation of “I am that I am” is “I will be that I will be”. I am surprised, I did not know that the Parson could read Hebrew. Or that he could read
@Ettorre:
Is Eshtelle sure that’s a site for veterinarians and not veterans?
@Melody Mare, enjoying Sunday off: #70
Your comment reminds me that I’ve been meaning to ask Sid if Heavenly Nostrils over in the PHOEBE AND HER UNICORN strip is one of his clients, if she is a real unicorn, and if not how long it takes her in makeup each day to prepare for her role.
9CL: “No problem, we’ll just pop this into Google Translate. Let’s see…’La personne qui lit ceci est un bouffon prétentieux…’ Hey!”
BCN: I don’t think crashing organ chords above a pulsing bass line qualifies as a quiet, haunting show tune. You’d be better off with “Pretty Women,” or, you know, “Music of the Night” if you still want to lean into the white half-mask thing your fur has going on.
C’shaft: “All the shows and movies that got cancelled or dropped entirely from the platform with no explanation really helped us power through.”
HotC: Got to admit, “my mom sells dead people’s stuff” is the kind of thing early adolescents would find bizarrely cool.
Luann: Face it Frank, after all your parenting efforts your daughter is about as independent and self-reliant as a below-average dog. Not sure if this reflects badly on her, or you.
Pluggers are going to wind up in the ER with crippling medical debt.
I constructed a syllogism based on today’s Pluggers:
All Pluggers do their own stunts
No movie stars do their own stunts
Therefore, no movie stars are Pluggers.
That refutes my assumptions about Harrison Ford and Jeff Bridges.
Judge parker -steven must have had real good life insurance Mary worth-why doesnt estelle ask dr ed to go to piccadee falls to take some pictures
B. Bailey: “There’s something funny going on. This is the third strip search this month. I’m beginning to suspect the order that the general has to personally witness all prostate exams didn’t come from high command.”
@Ettorre: SOME believe it means “What will be, will be.” Or am I confusing Hebrew scholars with Doris Day…?
@Charterstoned: Latin scholars were the first to translate “Cogito ergo spud” to “I think, therefore I yam.” Popeye’s “I yam what I yam” was the later, more popularized version.
REX MORGAN M.D.: “Well we had lunch, like ten minutes ago, so time to wedge ourselves into yet another greasy spoon (which the ship has, of course because the crew knew Rex Morgan characters were coming aboard) and stuff our faces full of room temperature chicken strips because the “M.D.” in Rex Morgan M.D. stands for MORE DINERS!”
MW – An angiogram is a love note from your heart to your brain – but it might be fibulating. Dr. Christian Bernard….
RMMD – The body cavity search was more fun than my last prostate exam….
BG&SS – This razor-sharp wit is almost up to Archie Laff Generator levels….
Adios Amigos, DJ.
MW: I’ll say this for MW, I looked at the Not One More Vet website and it seems like a, well, Worthy cause. Too bad it had to come wrapped in Estelle. Hopefully this doesn’t end like Tommy’s storyline, when he found freedom from drug addition in five minutes chatting with a pharmacist. I doubt that dinner with Wilbur’s ex qualifies as adequate therapy and support.
JUDGE PARKER: Oh ho ho ho, my have the tables have turned! It appears that Sam is now “the secretary” here, which is history is any indication, means he’ll:
a) turn out to be an amoral government assassin
b) wear some super-tight outfit that’s low-cut and shows lots of leg.
@2+2=7: “Call it a hunch, but I strongly suspect that’s how every man in the Funkyverse uses the term “finished”…in all aspects of life, if you catch my drift.”
I suppose that’s why Les only has one daughter.
@Ettorre: “I am surprised, I did not know that the Parson could read Hebrew.”
I supposed he picked up a copy of “Hebrew for Dummies” along with his copy of “The Cheater’s Guide to Scripture”.
@2+2=7: “JUDGE PARKER: Oh ho ho ho, my have the tables have turned! It appears that Sam is now “the secretary” here, which is history is any indication, means he’ll:
a) turn out to be an amoral government assassin
b) wear some super-tight outfit that’s low-cut and shows lots of leg.”
If b), I hope he has good legs. Because he lacks certain other physical attributes to compete with the women of JP.
@Tom: We don’t have the time markers for this unless we can answer the question “how in the Hell did Libby and Pierre both get worms?” If it had something to do with undercooked ribs, we can anchor the most recent vet visit to when Wilbur fell off the boat and Estelle stopped talking to him. Otherwise we don’t know.
@Acacia: Well, here in the ol’ US of A I’ve seen Catholic churches pass the plate too.
H&L: Well, maybe because your T-shirt obviously doesn’t have any pockets, your skirt is too short to have pockets, and if there are pockets in your diaper we don’t want to hear about them.
OK, serious response here:
My veterinarian is a personal friend and he doesn’t talk about any suicidal tendencies, but dentists have one of the highest suicide statistics profession wise.
And I had three suicide attempts in my teens, before I was even a dental student.
In 2015, when my previous girlfriend dumped me, I aborted a suicide attempt that would almost certainly have succeeded – I was planning to walk into the sea at Candolim in Goa with some alcohol and sleeping pills in my system – until I changed my mind at the last minute.
There is nothing funny about professional/personal stress leading to suicide.
Until I met Jihadi Rose I was convinced I would kill myself one day.
Please do not take your health provider for granted.
Thank you.
@Blast Hardcheese: it is routine here in India in churches of all denominations.
@richardf8: Right, which is why I really don’t get the “two dates a year apart” criticism. Sure, for us it was months and months, but for the unfortunate denizens of Charterstone it might be only two or three.
@Charterstoned: “am I confusing Hebrew scholars with Doris Day…?”
Heh! If I had a nickel…
@Charterstoned: “Or am I confusing Hebrew scholars with Doris Day…?”
As Cliff Clavin would have put it, it’s a little-known fact that Doris Day actually majored in Biblical Hebrew and considered an academic career until the talent scouts got hold of her. The world may have gained a great actress, but it lost a great Hebrew scholar.
(Yes, of course this is as factual as most of Cliff’s “little-known facts”.)
Rex Morgan – Beatty did do some research for this, and then he copied it word for word. Zzzzzzz.
Pluggers – I call shenanigans. I’m sure that horses have a weight limit for riders. That plugger would have to be riding a Clydesdale.
Mary Worth – Dr. Nephew, we have a new volunteer to help us out. She’ll alleviate some of the workload, and just by being here she’ll make everything more upbeat and cheerful. Say hi to Ms Xunise.
FC – Nibbled on the chocolates? Pfft. Candy thief pros poke in the bottoms of the candies to make sure they don’t bite into (shudder) coconut.
@2+2=7: Stay tuned for the next exciting adventure, Rex Morgan in Outer Space, where we get to watch old people eat a meal in a diner… on the MOON!
MW: I’m still holding out hope that Estelle’s absolutely insane behavior this story is on purpose and it’ll soon be revealed that she’s gone mad.
“I also can’t stop thinking about our date several weeks ago, just before you started that soul-searching conversation with your nephew. Hope you found time to eat and bathe during one of his tedious childhood anecdotes.”
@Ukranazi Stepan: No, thank you.
Luann: I can’t help thinking that Luann would make a better dog than a human.
SFx: Yeah, it was pretty clear where the “tallest mountain” riddle was headed, and sure enough, it went there. Worst of all, the solution taught kids how to be annoying with the word “technically.” I’m surprised the solution didn’t also include a “Well, actually…” Ugh. I pity these kids’ parents and teachers.
In other news, did you know that a baby born underwater can live its whole life without ever coming up for air? Well, actually, it’s true! Technically.
@I speak Jive: #108
” Candy thief pros poke in the bottoms of the candies to make sure they don’t bite into (shudder) coconut.”
Hey, I’ll gladly take all your coconut. You can have the caramel and the (bleah) mint ones. (I just had coconut Greek yogurt for my breakfast. I’ll bet you didn’t know that coconutes apparently grow in Greece?)
@Peanut Gallery: #109
“Stay tuned for the next exciting adventure, Rex Morgan in Outer Space, where we get to watch old people eat a meal in a diner… on the MOON!”
Right after their interminable boring rocketship crash landing.
SFx: Count Weirdly let Slylock Fox know about the surfboard, because he knew the Vulpine Detective would certainly rush off to Hawaii, but he really meant the peak farthest from the earth’s center. His hideout is in Chimborazo.
landholdings, not landholdnings.
Sex Organ V.D.: “….and I’ve seen enough “Love Boat” to know to warn you no matter how sick you get do NOT see the ship’s doctor…he’s a sex maniac and an agent of KAOS.”
Crank: TIL that the pandemic was so much worse in the Funkyverse that they just never started making new TV shows again.
Curtis: Okay, maybe this is just me, but that doesn’t sound that weird. I mean, hot lemon drink and hot blackcurrant drink are actual things that exist. Admittedly, mostly as cold remedies, but still.
DT: I was surprised that Flattop didn’t react to Dick’s name, so I checked the Dick Tracy wiki, and yeah, for all his fame, he only really appeared in one story and was dead by the end of it, so presumably this happens before that. Pretty bold of Curtis to just flat-out retcon Gould’s story as the second time Flattop was hired to kill Tracy.
HtH: I don’t know what Helga’s complaining about; she’s got an iron stove. In Viking terms, that’s like me having a Star Trek replicator.
MW: Well, quite, quotation box. And I believe a wise man also said that with faith of the heart you can reach any star, which seems about as relevant.
Phantom: So … up until the 19th century, they were getting regular updates on Euro-American culture and fashions, and copying them exactly, and then they stopped getting the updates so … they just never changed anything for over a hundred years? That’s not how any of this works.
RMMD: “This is so exciting, we’re on a cruise that will broaden our horizons! The first thing we need to do is find the on-board restaurant that looks most like a diner, and then talk about how nice it is for a week!”
SFx: I’ve heard this before, and never entirely understood it. Mountains are bits of the landscape that stick up. Everest sticks up further than Mauna Kea. I don’t see why it’s more correct to say that you measure Mauna Kea from underwater and Everest from the middle of the Himalayas. Everest also goes all the way down, there’s just other mountains in the way!
@Shrug: Well, I can dish the tea on that skank “Marigold” with the Heavenly Nostrils! Her real name is Mabel, and she’s no more a Unicorn than I am! She was originally a dingy blonde who’s bleached herself platinum, and tapes on a plastic cone every morning. I knew her back when … she’s not a youthful as she appears, but I guess she can afford to get work done regularly now that she’s a Big Star.
Why doesn’t “Six Chex” hire seven more of these ‘Professonal Artists’ to replace the five ‘Professonal Cocktail napkin Scribblers’ that they now employ? And a pro writer or two while you’re at it.
@Melody Mare, enjoying Sunday off:
Does she use Mane & Tail, Mel?
@Horace Broon:
Didn’t Diet Smith time drone Flattop back to life ?
@Garrison Skunk: No, I think she uses peroxide. Of course her coat appearance *could* be improved by some of my luxurious Mane n’ Tail conditioning products – but she needn’t expect any free samples from me. She an afford to pay the regular price (available at fine tack shops everywhere)
@Schroduck: I went on a lot of cruises pre pandemic, and that was my experience, too. The cabin was always ready. It usually took a while for our luggage to be delivered to the cabin. It never happened to us, but I understand that some luggage was delayed in being delivered to the cabins because security confiscated prohibited items, such as knives, curling irons, and (really) a rice cooker.
The turnaround time for getting the cabins ready is usually pretty short. Passengers disembark in the morning, and the passengers for the next cruise embark that same afternoon. I remember our cabin stewards starting in on cleaning the cabin before we even disembarked.
@Shrug: I like the flavor of coconut, but I can’t handle the texture of flaked coconut in candy or sprinkled on frosting or ice cream. I can tolerate it in baked goods. You are more than welcome to any candy with flaked coconut.
I really, really like caramels, but I’m meh on mint candy.
@LimberJoe: “ JP: OK, they’re a team now. Great! Doing what, exactly”
They fight crime!
RMMD: has Horrible Jr ever asked Yvonne where she’d like to eat? I mean her life has revolved around a diner for many years. Maybe she’s ready for a change. You know what I mean. I’m guessing she’d like a little sushi.
Peanuts-If she’s not careful the catcher will be giving Lucy a one finger signal.
Hi and Lois-Trixie then makes a loud noise as she fills her diaper.
Middle Panel Lockhorns-A surprise twist of lime.
Foxtrot-Mom made Peter throw out his oregano bong.
Beetle Bailey-Ms. Buxley then pulls up a chair. “Do an anal cavity search and slowly. Make me forget my troubles.”
MW: So Dr. Ed sent Estelle flowers? He’s apologizing for his recent neglectfulness, and what does he get? A long, boring, pointless phone message. Jeez, why doesn’t she go over to his place and screw his brains out? Actions speak louder than words, which is a tag you’ll never see in the throwaway panels of–Mary Worth!
@Professor Well Actually: Beatty seems to think that, since Yvonne spent her life running a diner, all she cares about is mom and pop diners. She has no interest in anything different. It’s like Batiuk discovering comic books in junior high school and never moving on to anything else.
I think that if I spent my life running a diner, I’d want to try something different, but that’s just me.
RMMD-It’s going to be Mud Mountain.
@Liam: “RMMD-It’s going to be Mud Mountain.”
In a normal drama comic, where the usual rules of writing (like create conflict, unexpectedly bring back old characters, etc) are important it would almost certainly be Mud Mountain.
But this is a comic that seems to make a virtue of avoiding drama and instead being as boring as possible, so who knows?
@Ettorre: #79: If the Hootin’ Hollerites ever learned to read they’d quickly find out that Parson Tuttle’s total knowledge of Scripture is based on watching a lot of old Cecil B. DeMille movies.
@I speak Jive: “Beatty seems to think that, since Yvonne spent her life running a diner, all she cares about is mom and pop diners. She has no interest in anything different. It’s like Batiuk discovering comic books in junior high school and never moving on to anything else.”
Funny, but I just made the same reflection. Beatty is preaching the virtues of mom and pop diners as the acme of gastronomic culture, just as Batiuk is preaching about superhero comics as the highest possible art form.
Of course, I have nothing against mom and pop restaurants, if they are good ones, but I don’t hold them as superior to anything else.
Beat Up Bailey: Latrinegate nearly ruined Halftrack’s career,but endured him to Pres Biden.
Mary Worth, 3/19/23: “…off by a Ed…” – PROOF READ, PROOF READ, PROOF READ, PROOF READ, PROOF READ, PROOF READ, PROOF READ, PROOF READ, PROOF READ…
MW: “He’s probably avoiding me because he wants to kill himself.”
He’s going to kill himself TO avoid her.
@PROOF READ: Yeah. It should be “off by an Ed”.
Phantom-Well, Teydra, your theory passes muster with Occam’s razor. The idea that your “champion of old” would be part of a long chain of tradition that requires all firstborn males to dress in a leotard with stripey shorts, keeps its history in codices written in quill, and relies for individual survival on the shaman of a colonialized nation would never occur to your perennially rational minds. That’s why you are almost human. You have not opened your minds to The Stupid.
BG&SS: Very possibly it’s different elsewhere, but the only spring hunting season I know of in Iowa is the turkey season. Parson Tuttle does not look like a wild turkey. But if Snuffy thinks the hunters in Hootin’ Holler are dumb and/or desperate enough to shoot at him, who am I to argue.
@Shrug: Re PV, bwahaha!
PV: While I sympathize with CCers who are not happy with the current direction of PRINCE VALIANT, I am enjoying this story. I will draw the line, however, if Arn and Val encounter an old crone who calls herself “The Meddler” and offers to give them relationship advice to end their arguing, in return for a small gold coin or three sheep, whichever they’d prefer. Especially if she lives in a hut with a clay stove in which she bakes weird-looking crustards.
MW: I don’t really understand the theme of pet euthanasia as the major source of veterinary stress. It is very sad when a pet needs euthanasia. But if the pet has been well loved and cared for, being able to give that pet a kind and easy death is a source of gratitude as well as sadness, and some of us express that gratitude to our vets very strongly.
Much more significant stress, according to my vet friend, comes from heavy workloads, long hours, difficult ethical decisions, and having to deal with irresponsible and otherwise-awful pet owners. I confess that I might find it gratifying if this story showed one of the latter being, oopsy doopsey, run over by a bus.
MT: Good theme, good information, good message. Just one tiny clarification. A bear’s smelling ability is about seven times greater than a bloodhound’s, and bears may be able to smell better than any other kind of mammal. So bears don’t have to “sense” our garbage. They smell it.
@Anonymous: That’s a concertina. If Olive Oyl were playing a piano-accordion, it would be really odd.
DT: When I hire professional hit men, I always have them over to the house, put them in a private room, and have a fine meal served to them. They appreciate the gesture, and it always puts them at their ease.
Harpo Marx: Really loved black jellybeans. Not sure of his stance on coconut candy.
MW – I truly hope that the next few strips feature Dr. Ed listening to this message and freaking the fuck out.
Mary Worthless: Oddly enough “Lend a sympathetic ear” was the exact same advice Mary gave Van Gogh.
@Poteet: Yes! I learned that from Dr. Seuss.
Also to keep a brave face before pale green pants with nobody inside them.
@Poteet:
On an episode of “Match Game” Gene Rayburn mentioned a story he had read of a farmer who was so upset by the continued “accidental” shooting of his livestock by local hunters, he spray painted the word COW on the side of his cattle.
@Weaselboy: Yes! “And to think I sent her roses! God, what a fool I’ve been! Why do I always get mixed up with these goddam weird-asses? Maybe I can fake my own death and get a job with a large animal clinic in Texas. It’s not too late! Let Steven take over this pop stand! Yeah, that’s my ticket out of this hellhole!”
@Treadwell:
He’s going to kill himself TO avoid her.
____________________________________
Wilber Weston Dating Stale Protip: If you fail to kill yourself, let her know you’re still alive BEFORE a month later.
@Melody Mare, enjoying Sunday off: A horse getting catty over a unicorn? Tsk, tsk, tsk.
@Poteet: And her hut stands on chicken legs.
MW: After several weeks of not seeing Ed Stell’s mind has snapped and she’s talking to her at-this-point imaginary boyfriend on a dead phone. On the plus side the roses she sent herself brighten up the place.
RMMD: One wonders what happened during those “few wrong turns.” My guess is that Hank Jr. and Yvonne had to swear to some Somali pirates that they’re stone blind without their glasses before sitting down to dinner.
@Poteet: Me, I am like “Funny, I don’t remember Val being a dullard.”
@Poteet: re MT: Glad you enjoyed today’s performance by the Bear Brigade, as they like to call themselves. If you notice the last panel, you’ll see a promo for their new side hustle, garbage can transport! Are you tired of lugging that cumbersome can to the road on trash day? A member of their team will come to your home, roll the cart out for pickup, and then return it, all for a small monthly fee. They’ll even “lighten the load” if the can is too heavy! In any event, your garbage will be gone!
And this crew takes pride in their work – everything left neat and clean…. after all. they’re your neighbors! For those of you who want to keep garbage locked up inside, as Mark Trail recommends, an extra charge
for door and window repairmay apply.Did we ever find out why the papers the old guy was storing in his garage were as the narration box said “were going to be of importance to Dick Tracy”?
RMMD musical guests? @gardenornament: Who knows, indeed.
I bet it’s that Broadway star Mary Worth had a fling with a while back.
MW – I’d like to see one more panel with Stell saying, “Oh, is this 429-54..” In fact, I think there is a joke in this with someone calling someone in a panicked manner and then realizing it’s the wrong number. If anyone can think of it, please apprise.
C-Shaft: “And Pornhub, but you weren’t around for all of that.”
Dustin: That’s what’s gonna tempt you? Hate to say it, but the GSA sell the most boring-ass cookies on the market, although that still gives them the edge on the Boy Scouts and their overpriced popcorn.
Luann: Don’t do it, Frank. Your daughter is college age. She can’t afford to let her pizza-ordering skills atrophy.
Phantom: A fascinating trio of beast-men driving the bus Tyedra is throwing the Walkers under. The frog-man has hair. The cat-man has nineties yuppie hair. The ram-man has a convertible, I’m assuming.
Shoe: Trying to imagine what it’s like to be a bird and be diagnosed with incurable baldness when your head is covered with feathers and your doctor—also a bird—is wearing a human hair wig. Not sure my brain can bend in that many directions at once.
B.C.: the BC/Smurf crossover you never knew you wanted.(keep smoking those Smurfberries™, guys!).
@Scratchy Scrotum LXIX: MW – I’d like to see one more panel with Stell saying, “Oh, is this 429-54..” In fact, I think there is a joke in this with someone calling someone in a panicked manner and then realizing it’s the wrong number. If anyone can think of it, please apprise.
“Wait a minute—who’s Ed Kudlick?”
@Dr. Pill: “Unicorn” my Aunt Fanny! … but maybe you’re right. I shouldn’t be unkind. The poor dear never had much Horse sense – she may have delusions that she really is a Unicorn… bless her heart.
Hello, I’m Dr. Ed
♫ A vet is a vet, takes care of our pets,
We’re all in our vet’s debt I expect,
And when it’s time to put down our pet,
Talk to Dr. Ed!
Mary and Stelle will yakkity yak, and waste our time of day,
But Dr. Ed is here for us,
Whether we’re neutered or spayed!
A vet is a vet, takes care of our pets,
Would not put a pet in a oubliette,
And when it’s time to put down you pet,
Kindly Dr. Ed.
♫
@75 Nehemiah Scudder: Third largest…what? Termite pile? Salmon Square? Applebee’s? WHAT, DAMNIT! WHAT!!!
@jroggs:
SlyF: Since when does Count Weirdly need a reason to pack a surfboard when traveling?
_________________________
Even the Joker was allowed to surf on “Batman’66” (or in the Scratchy tongue… “Batman ’69”), guess Sly needs a heads up to make sure the Vulpineboard is waxed and ready.
@Baja Gaijin: Typos never sleep, know what I mean. Yeah, third largest — turns out — I didn’t know at the time. Seemed plenty big, but No. 3? And it’s not like they’re gonna make any more of ’em, y’know?
@103 Ukranazi Stepan: I’m glad you changed your mind. I’m doubly-glad you met Jihadi Rose to enjoy life with.
@145 Poteet: I beg to disagree: bears do NOT smell better than other mammals. They reek! Did you know, while they shit in the woods, they don’t shower there. While we’re discussing bears’ defecation habits, they don’t use toilet paper, contrary to those Charmin commercials.
@167 Exalted Prophet Scudder: Your hideout’s in the third largest typo?
@Baja Gaijin: Heh heh heh
// Hiding in plain sight, behind the virgules.
@Weaselboy: Nah. That’s too much like how normal people would react. But in the Worthiverse, Ed has already crossed the event horizon and is being sucked, relentlessly, into the black hole that is Charterstone. He has no choice.
@Baja Gaijin: “While we’re discussing bears’ defecation habits, they don’t use toilet paper, contrary to those Charmin commercials.”
Bears don’t use toilet paper? Well, I’m shocked! However, I not going into the woods to find out. As far as bears are concerned it’s live and let be. I will live and the bears can be without me.
RMMD: Please let Hank and Yvonne end up on a cruise with Wilbur Weston
Monday Curtis.
https://tinyurl.com/4mtahd5m
Curtis should be praying his dad won’t whack him upside the head.
@Blast Hardcheese:
But the priests don’t shake up people for money the way Protestants seem to. I’ve never heard a priest tell anyone they needed to put anything in the basket.
Does ANYONE in Charterstone know how to hold a smartphone? I’m not talking about the whole “thumb on the screen incredibly awkward positioning of the hand” thing. That’s obvious. But really, CALLING someone without a bluetooth earpiece, or even calling someone in general? You ever hear of texting, Stella?