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Crankshaft, 10/9/25

Look, characters in comic strips are, ultimately, not real people, and while you can chuckle at their antics, you ultimately shouldn’t feel bad for them. Especially not Ed Crankshaft, who’s a real asshole. Still, I can’t look at panel three here, where he has an extremely bleak facial expression as he’s compelled, apparently against his will, to make wordplay with “wiener” in it that doesn’t make sense at all but vaguely sounds like he’s referring to masturbation, and not feel a frisson of sympathy. He doesn’t want this! Nobody wants this!

Blondie, 10/9/25

You all know that I depend on Blondie, whose characters are spiritually boomers even if they’re younger in age as drawn, to find out what old people are doing on the computer. It’s not gambling, I guess! They’re still doing that the old fashioned way, by handing over wads of cash to some guy in their office building. They’re leaving losing life-damaging sums of cash on absurd parlays via an app to the young people, and, you know what, good for them.

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Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/28/25

Well, I guess Truck’s not-son Cody did in fact come out ahead of beloved (?) tween neo-vaudeville novelty act “Shorty and the Beanpole,” because not only did he score an invite to Truck’s wedding but he was also allowed and/or required to perform. Obviously he was only paid in “exposure” and “the chance that he might feel the slightest amount of paternal affection for once in his life,” but now it’s all worked out … for him, anyway. Too bad about his band, but the lucrative world of younger people doing covers of country classics doesn’t have room for anything more than the one guy and one guitar that the nostalgics crave.

Mary Worth, 9/28/25

It’s only appropriate that in Mary Worth, interspecies psychic communication takes the form of a human projecting their own floating head into an animal’s mind, though I have to say that Greta and Max’s expressions look less like “We are receiving a message from our friend” and more like Olive has simply overridden their consciousness and will take control of their zombie-like bodies, for rescue purposes. Funnier to me, though, is Mary fretting “what if they forgot about us?” Like, as I age, I definitely have learned more and more that the people “in charge” in any given situation are just folks like me and often have things less in hand than I assumed all adults did as a kid, but I do sincerely believe that the people running a hot air balloon festival would in fact notice if one or more of the balloons went missing. Surely somebody involved has, like, a clipboard, right? A clipboard with a list of balloons on it?

Pickles, 9/28/25

It’s true, Grandpa Pickles walking into an oil change place and thinking it’s his optometrist’s office, which is almost certainly in an entirely different location, is not necessarily a sign that his vision is failing. He should probably take a comprehensive cognitive functions test, however.

Crankshaft, 9/28/25

This one … this one seems even more serious, to be honest. But Crankshaft is pretty sanguine about it. Let’s just take all these pills at random times and let the miracle of the human body take its course. See what happens. He’ll be behind the wheel of a schoolbus full of children when it all goes down, by the way.

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Beetle Bailey, 9/26/25

Perverts turned on by crudely drawn cartoons everywhere were devastated this week when Beetle Bailey skipped its usual “Miss Buxley Wednesday” to do a strip about Sarge eating a pizza with a big pile of meatballs on it. But, good news: Miss Buxley is here on Friday! Bad news: it’s “casual Friday” which means she’s not wearing her sexy formal (?) little black dress. But good news: there’s some shoe stuff involving Private Blips! Bad news: the shoes are so crudely drawn that you can’t even tell what they’re supposed to look like, but you can tell that they’re definitely not very sexy. This whole week has been a real roller coaster ride for perverts, I tell you what.

Crankshaft, 9/26/25

More bad news for very specific and esoteric perverts who get off on Crankshaft’s malapropisms: today’s is no good! His dumb addled wordplay is supposed to be full of accidental polysemy, or should at least sound like it makes sense at first but upon examination doesn’t quite. This is just a wrong word that sounds like the right word! I refute this!

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 9/26/25

Is that … the possum’s … rib cage? I’m with you, Snuffy; I don’t care for this either. I don’t care for it at all.