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Dick Tracy, 8/14/06

So Lottie, in addition to not being dead, has changed from weird suit and tie drag to a weird 1970s suit jacket/turtleneck drag look that matches Al Kinda/Zombie Reagan’s. But this strip tells us something else: I’ve already established that I don’t know much about guns, but I know enough to know that if you can shoot a man in the heart with a handgun from, like, a quarter-mile away, you are a bad ass. Who cares about her nefarious past and gender eccentricities? Clearly we need her on our side. Don’t ask, don’t tell, detective Tracy.

Mark Trail, 8/14/06

Just when I thought the current Mark Trail storyline couldn’t get any better, that devil Elrod adds this crazy dude and his tame bear into the mix. Of course, we’re going to end up with some nail-biting adventures in which Mark and his friends need to rescue Molly from the poachers, but for the next eight hours or so, please let me hold onto the dream that tomorrow’s strip will involve Molly mauling Rusty while Doc and the porn-star named “Buck Jones” make small talk.

For Better Or For Worse, 8/14/06

Now, let’s be clear here: this strip exists to give April her stinky comeuppance, and I sincerely appreciate it on that level. However, I question whether her iPod (or non-branded “tunes”) is the culprit here. After all, the problem is with her vision and coordination, not her hearing. At least she didn’t have to hear whoever is hiding in the floorboards shouting “trip” as she falls.

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Dick Tracy, 8/8/06

The composition in this Dick Tracy cartoon is so striking — with the two lone figures crawling along the parapet of the Capitol dome, glowing in the dark night — that it seems a bit petty to note how spectacularly lame the dialogue is here. I’m particularly dissapointed in Detective Tracy’s choice of epithets: “Loser” seems a little, well, dude-ish to be coming out of the mouth of this hard-boiled agent. How about “terrorist scum”? Just a suggestion. Admittedly, from what we’ve seen of him so far, Al Kinda is kind of a loser, but that doesn’t mean you’re exempted from your responsibility to keep the patter snappy.

Also, note to Dick: “Chicken” usually consists of two people running towards each other, not one person running away from another person while they shoot at each other. Just FYI.

Gil Thorp, 8/8/06

As Ben Franklin goes all golf shark and starts bilking gambling addict Marty Moon out of his pathetic DJ salary, and Coach Brown feeds her charges the socially acceptable lie that real beauty is on the inside, Gil Thorp gets into its adrenaline-fueled groove, switching back and forth between plotlines willy-nilly. This might generate some excitement if either golf or gymnastics were interesting, but they aren’t so it doesn’t.

Archie, 8/8/06

I’m not one to get hot and bothered over the smuttiness of comics, but Betty’s shorts are, um, alarmingly short.

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Pluggers, 8/3/06

Sooo … Grandma’s a Plugger, daughter-in-law isn’t? Oooh, mixed marriage: edgy. Daughter-in-law is wearing a suit and carrying a briefcase, so she’s clearly some sort of ball-breaking feminist lesbian professional woman. I see a kidnapping/multi-state chase in the near future, followed by a circus trial in which the “a working mother is by definition a child abuser” argument serves as the main defense.

Mary Worth, 8/3/06

Of course, they had to clean it up for the funny pages. I have it on pretty good authority that this is what Mary actually said:

“Is this some sort of motherfucking joke? Huh? Does it look like I’m motherfucking laughing to you, motherfucker? Get your punk-ass hands away from me!”

And then it just sort of goes on like that for a while.

Even without the cussing, I think I can say with some confidence that there’s only one other person in the last two years who’s made Mary this mad:

That’s right: Aldo Kelrast is now officially as awesome a Mary Worth character as Rita Begler. After a lull of some months, this strip is back on top of its ridonculous game.

Gil Thorp, 8/3/06

“That’s right, on my legs! My long, smooth, totally unscarred legs! So you see, we’re really a lot alike, except in all the ways that actually matter for this discussion. What I’m trying to say is, I want you to wear this bag over your head at the next meet.”

Dick Tracy, 8/3/06

“Thanks for showing me the outside of your wallet, detective! I’ll do anything you say now.”