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Mary Worth, 10/9/23

An opinion I’m coming around to more and more is that it’s kind of silly to expect comics as a medium to be “realistic,” as they have to impart a lot of plot and character details in a very compressed amount of visual/textual narrative space; that’s why it’s genuinely fine for Elmo to be walking around in his full football uniform even though nobody would do that in real life. In this scenario, it’s actually fairly natural for these two characters to be dealing with this confrontation in different ways — Keith trying to work his way back to the moment this story he’s learning about for the first time began, while Sonia tries to fill in a blank space in her family history that she’s lived with her whole life — and the dialogue doesn’t have to be naturalistic, really. But I’m sorry, I will never get over Sonia talking like an unctuous talk show host. “I’m curious… Who is my dad? What makes him tick? How’d he get so beefy? We’ll continue the conversation, right after these messages.”

Dick Tracy, 10/9/23

This Dick Tracy stab maniac plot is taking a detour into tweedy academia and rare book intrigue, which you’d think would be the sort of thing I’d be into but mostly it’s just bringing up a lot of residual grad school trauma. Still, I think it’s worth pointing out that they’re introducing a new villain (?) who’s just blatantly Cate Blanchett. Not sure if this is an effort to turn the strip into Dick Tárcy so that the uninitiated seek out Todd Field’s masterpiece Tár — now available for streaming on Amazon Prime Video, at no additional cost for Prime subscribers — but as a certified Tárhead (that’s like being a jarhead, but for Tár) I heartily endorse the move if so.

Dustin, 10/9/23

Dustin’s dad’s family, his good-paying job, his comfortable suburban life … absolutely none of that inspires in him any emotion other than misery, anger, and dread. The only joy he experiences comes in a short, intense physical burst when binges on something sweet, and even that is incredibly fleeting. I’d feel bad for him, if he weren’t so incredibly unlikeable.

Shoe, 10/9/23

Normally I roll my eyes at overly labored Shoe wordplay, but I have to admit that a cultural history of boomerangs called Comeback would be a huge hit at airport bookstores everywhere, and would get even more buzz once people found out a bird wrote it.

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Dennis the Menace, 9/28/23

Look, Mr. Wilson, I know your irritating neighbor has pushed you to the brink of madness, but when a couple renews their vows, that doesn’t represent a “reset” where they can decide they actually want to be child-free and any progeny they’ve already sired simply wink out of existence. That’s not how vow renewals work, or how children work, or how the progression of linear time works.

Dustin, 9/28/23

This kid voluntarily hangs out with Dustin all the time, which is a big clue the he’s not in a great place, but after today’s strip I really think someone should be looking into his home life, because it seems like it might be pretty grim.

Mary Worth, 9/28/23

“Sometimes,” he continued, “it’s not about what you like, it’s about what you need — what you need in terms of protein to maintain your massive, rippling physique, and how efficiently you can ingest it.” Then, without further ado, he shoved his face into the pan and started slurping.

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Dustin, 9/14/23

Apologies (?) for not showing you yesterday’s Dustin, which consisted of Dustin asking his dad to guess the global gross domestic product, and Dustin’s dad guessing $100 trillion when the actual answer was $102 trillion (according to the strip, anyway, but if you think I’m doing any research whatsoever to fact-check a gag in Dustin you are sorely mistaken), and there was some bemused discussion of how his guess was quite close in relative terms despite being off by $2 trillion, a very large sum when considered on its own. Anyway, this was annoying but not that annoying — certainly not that annoying by Dustin’s usual standards — so I didn’t bother talking about it here. But repeating the exact same “joke” today, with nothing new added other than a shuffle in the lineup of characters saying it? Well, that’s annoying enough to bring to your attention. If they try to get a whole week out of this concept, I’m going to be very annoyed indeed.

The Lockhorns, 9/14/23

See, if you’re going to do a themed week, you really need to follow the lead of The Lockhorns and do it with a real purity of purpose and tight focus. This week is apparently “Lockhorns anniversary week,” the theme of which is that Leroy and Loretta use the occasion to attack and belittle one another in anniversary-specific ways, as opposed to the more general ways in which they do it over the rest of the year.

Gil Thorp, 9/14/23

Wow, it looks like Toby and Rod really used their time in prison to sharpen their football skills, huh? This is going to send an important message to student-athletes everywhere: that the best way to get a leg up is to go to juvie where they’ll be forced to play football for the entertainment of a sadistic warden, so they need to do some crimes, but not crimes so serious that they get sent to adult prison, where the sadistic warden can only be entertained by no-holds-barred steel cage matches.

Blondie, 9/14/23

Love the way Elmo is solemnly making direct eye contact with the reader in the final panel here. This truly is an important lesson about school picture day that America’s children need to learn, which is why it’s so tragic that no children read Blondie.

Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/14/23

RENE THEY ARE ONLY TRYING TO PAY YOU THE MONEY YOU ARE OWED AS EFFICIENTLY AS POSSIBLE, WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE CRIME AND THREATS WITH YOU