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Six Chix, 4/16/15

I genuinely love both the sly expression this woman is wearing — “Oh, you clever capitalists, I see what you’re doing with this and while I don’t approve I can’t help but admire your cunning” — and the advertising slogan “NEW! YUMMY! EAT YOUR CUP!” which honestly should be the structure for the ad campaign for every new product ever introduced by anybody.

Heathcliff, 4/16/15

Yes, cats have learned to harness the power of the mighty oxen! Things are getting quite serious … indeed.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/16/15

GOD DAMN IT THE CORRECT PLURAL IS “AMAZING MISTERS SPONGE”

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Funky Winkerbean, 4/8/15

Good news, everyone! The comic strip that brought you “Nordic” and “solo car date” has another phrase that you can pretty much figure out from context but is 100% not something a native English speaker would say: “Lewis-and-Clarking.” Like, I guess this means he’s exploring her … with his eyes? For purposes of commerce, and to establish a claim of sovereignty at a later date? Eventually leading a treaty with Britain dividing land claims at the 49th parallel? OK, I think I’m losing the the thread here a bit.

Momma, 4/8/15

Now, the lowbrow amongst you are probably giggling at the “organ” double entendre, imagining the gentleman is talking about his (and a friend’s?) penis. Really, I don’t know why you need to go into the gutter to enjoy this comic. It’s literally about a man so in love with a woman that he’s willing to bloodily sacrifice himself so that she could live! “Please,” he begs her, “dismember me! Pull whatever useful parts you need out of my still-steaming corpse and throw the rest in the trash! I want nothing more than for some part of me, no matter how small, to literally become part of you!”

Beetle Bailey, 4/8/15

Hey, have you ever wondered about the inner life of Beetle Bailey characters? Like, have you thought about whether they have sex dreams? WELL TOO BAD YOU KNOW NOW

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Mary Worth, 4/1/15

Looks like Adam and Terry weren’t just makeout partners; they were also partners … in crime. Wait, did I say “crime?” I meant “fighting crime, and specifically fighting crime through the medium of pretending to be criminals, so as to fool the real criminals.” Their crime-disguises are just so accurate that I forgot for a minute. An electric blue suit over a white non-buttoned shirt? Lime green short-shorts, long non-ponytailed hair, and sunglasses? Striking bold, unafraid poses in this criminal hellscape (why would you throw a blank piece of letter-size paper onto the sidewalk directly in front of a trash can unless you were the worst kind of monster)? This behattèd ne’er-do-well is going to spill his criminal guts to our heroes, thinking he’s talking to fellow lowlifes! Then they’ll go have some victory makeouts.

Funky Winkerbean, 4/1/15

So Mopey Pete has been strongarmed by his editor into doing a terrible dumb story for the comic book series he writes where it turns out that the superhero everyone’s been following and loving has been an evil (?) clone for years. Now a bunch of fans are going to freak the fuck out about it on the Internet, threatening to subject Pete to vigilante justice! Finally, a storyline where I can feel free to hate literally everybody involved.