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Gil Thorp, 10/26/12

Oh, hey, sorry I haven’t been keeping you up to date on what’s been going on in Gil Thorp, but trust me when I say that what’s been going on Gil Thorp is exactly the same thing that was going on when we last checked in with Gil Thorp — some Milford kids whose names I am not bothering to commit to memory are trying to make Irish Terry Gallagher into a star, for some reason — and it hasn’t gotten more interesting since. Today’s strip is mostly of note because the plot requires that characters find out information from a newspaper but somebody at some point in the creative process said, “Wait, kids don’t read the newspaper anymore, do they? iPads, kids love iPads, have them looking at iPads.”

Pluggers, 10/26/12

I love the bear-man’s facial expression and body posture of cringing terror here, as he becomes increasingly alarmed that he’s been lured to a non-plugger dining establishment, perhaps as some kind of trap. In fact, the bear-man’s wife is looking pretty smug, and it’s already been established that she’s not of plugger origins, so maybe it is a trap, or at least a deliberate attempt to drag him out of his comfort zone for the dual purpose of eating some non-deep-fried food for once and also seeing him squirm a little.

(Side note: I’m vaguely embarrassed to even know this, but Mrs. Bear-Man is actually supposed to be a kangaroo; I think the colorists have misinterpreted the ears and guessed that she’s a rabbit, thus the white coloring. Either that or the years of hated she-plugger existence have turned her normally brown pelt prematurely grey.)

Spider-Man, 10/26/12

Hmm, how to distract readers from the fact that Peter’s logic — “Kraven will steal that diamond tiara! Except, wait, that doesn’t seem like the sort of thing Kraven would do at all? Looks like I’m going to have to figure out why he’s going to do the totally out-of-character thing I’ve just arbitrarily decided he’s going to do!” — is completely insane? Hey, why not have Peter take off his teal suit jacket, hang it up on a weird, ill-drawn blob on the side of a building, and put on an electric blue suit jacket? Perfect! That makes even less sense!

Shoe, 10/26/12

“And I don’t care how much of the world has to be destroyed to lower those gas prices, as long as I don’t have to see it!”

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 10/6/12

Everyone’s face in the second panel is pretty much exactly what you’d expect from a scene in which three desperately poor people are about to eat a canned bean dinner in a dilapidated shack in an isolated rural hamlet. Where do you suppose Snuffy is? Jail, again? Do you think they’re sadder that one of their family members can’t be there, or happier because he’s a useless criminal and his absence means more beans for them?

Archie, 10/6/12

Notice that by the time Archie blows that whistle in the first panel, Moose is just standing around looking sheepish. Despite Archie’s ostensible attempts to impose some sanity on this “friendly” game of touch football, he knows better than to interrupt Moose when he’s in the midst of whatever violent whole-body fugue state resulted in the terrible injuries revealed in panel three.

Pluggers, 10/6/12

Speaking of looking sheepish, normally I find the faces of the various man-animal abominations who inhabit Pluggers to be fairly inexpressive, but both father and cub here are wearing pretty piercing looks of shame — poo-based shame.

Herb and Jamaal, 10/6/12

Are rising energy prices starting to degrade vital government services? Or is Jamaal just letting some guy’s house burn down, for fun?

Gil Thorp, 10/6/12

If you’ve ever wondered what it would like to perch on the belt of a guy who is really, really psyched about the terrible micksploitation slogan he’s come up with for a high school football team, and is also wearing a waistcoat for some reason, then today’s Gil Thorp is for you, my friend.

Beetle Bailey, 10/6/12

How is it that whoever wrote this cartoon doesn’t cry themselves to sleep every night, just like Mrs. Halftrack? This is probably the saddest thing I’ve seen in the comics in months, and I read Funky Winkerbean daily.

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Gil Thorp, 10/2/12

If there’s one thing I genuinely love about Gil Thorp, it’s that it keeps track of a bewildering cast of characters who stick around over multiple storylines. At the end of the summer storyline, Gil offered embittered one-armed Milford alum Steve an unpaid coaching gig of the sort that he often hands out to the strip’s over-18 hangers-on. In a lesser strip, this would have been the resolution to Steve’s storyline and we would have quickly forgotten about him, but instead we see that this tiny modicum of power has transformed him into a cultish dictator. “We move together,” he shouts, waving his single fist in the air, “as one unit, one people. We hear the count in our mind before it is uttered. We present an unbroken wall of flesh to our enemies. We leave behind any family who may have once loved us, as we are all the family we need. After practice, each of you will chop off the arm of the man to your right, to make our union as real as the flesh and blood we sacrifice to the greater good.”

Mary Worth, 10/2/12

Haha, Mary Worth is really gunning hard for a spot on The Discovery Channel’s History’s Greatest Monsters this season! “Mary, my friendship with Jim is based on shared interests and experiences, not any sort of pity I have for him because of his injuries.” “That’s nice, dear, but have you considered that Jim is a charity case and that your friendship is a precious gift to him, much more valuable than his is to you? Don’t think of him as a person; think of him as an opportunity to give of yourself selflessly and condescendingly. Remember, he only has one arm!”

Apartment 3-G, 10/2/12

Not to go on too much about my “process” or anything, but when I made jokes yesterday about Evan cowering unseen in the corner while Margo and Greg bickered, it was funny because of course he wasn’t actually in the room while this was all happening! That would be super awkward! Except, um, apparently he was? Today’s first panel dialogue also nicely heads off any further jokes I might make about Margo and Evan’s twisted S&M relationship. Anyway, my point is that Apartment 3-G is getting dangerously close to producing self-aware camp and putting me out of business.