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Beetle Bailey, 1/14/24

I know I spend more time thinking about the logistics of what happens in-universe in newspaper comic strips than just about anyone else, up to and including the people who write and draw them, but I gotta say I find today’s strip kind of baffling. Under what circumstances would Cookie, who has to serve hundreds of people multiple meals a day, be inconvenienced by a freezer full of easy to prepare and tasty meatballs and find himself wanting to get rid of them somehow? My guess is that the original joke was something about forcing Sarge to eat his literal garbage, but some voice of editorial sanity decided that was too gross even for this strip.

Hagar the Horrible, 1/14/24

Today’s throwaway panels actually strike me as a genuine narrative innovation in comics, showing you what happens before and after the main action of the strip. And they definitely change the vibe of things: sure, we can all get a good laugh out of Hagar finally going to jail for one of his many crimes, but it is kind of sad knowing that his wife, to whom he promised a nice meal that he planned to pay for with the proceeds of his plunder, is gradually realizing that some misfortune has befallen him and is increasingly bereft about it.

Family Circus, 1/14/24

Remember, folks: the distinctive stench of the Keane family lingers on everything they touch. It’s extremely vivid.

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Hagar the Horrible, 1/5/24

Many medieval Scandinavians communities relied on herding for meat and milk, so controlling wolves and other canines was a task entrusted to only the most skillful hundafangari, or “dog-catchers.” This role would be assigned by a vote in the thing, the traditional Norse assembly that represented one of the earliest democratic bodies in northern Europe. Truly, Hagar’s schoolmate has brought honor to his clan by achieving this exalted position, and he wields his ritual net of honor, woven from the finest thread, with great and justified pride!

Pluggers, 1/5/24

Speaking of dogs, or bears, or what have you, today’s Pluggers is obviously about how if you’re a fisherman, you’d have a mailbox shaped like a fish (I guess? I mean, would you? Would you really?) but because the plugger in the panel is himself shaped like a bear, I can’t help imagining that in the Pluggers world of apparently all mammalian human-animal hybrids, the equivalent of a furry would be someone who likes to dress up as a reptile or fish, and so Andy Bear here (YES THEY HAVE OFFICIAL NAMES AND YES, FOR MY SINS, I KNOW THEM) is letting the whole neighborhood know that he’s a “scaly” and proud of it.

Hi and Lois, 1/5/24

I mean … yes? You would count that? It’s one of the layers you’re wearing? That’s how layers work???? Chip, why are you saying any of this, do you think this is flirting, do you think not counting your t-shirt as one of the layers of clothing you have on is what “game” is, what the hell

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Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 12/24/23

I guess real Snuffheads like you and me don’t need reminding, but the point of the throwaway panels at the top of this strip is to emphasize that the Smifs live in grinding, generational poverty, which might explain why Snuffy gives a little joke as a gift to his old friend Barney Google. Without those throwaway panels? He just kinda looks like an asshole, not gonna lie.

Panels from Hagar the Horrible, 12/24/23

Speaking of assholes, the throwaway panels of Hagar the Horrible, makes it clear that Santa hates Hagar the Horrible. He simply despises him, for his many cookie-eating crimes!

Panel from Slylock Fox, 12/24/23

Meanwhile, Slylock is delighted that on Christmas Eve, to celebrate the birth of the Prince of Peace, his old nemesis Shady Shrew has arrived to enjoy the holiday blessings. He’s delighted because he’s about to throw cuffs on Shady right there in front of his … daughter? niece? … and drag him down to jail and book him. Justice doesn’t take a holiday, Shady!

But your humble Comics Curmudgeon does, in fact, take a holiday, and will be offline until January 1st or 2nd or whenever the mood strikes me to return from my Chrismukwaanza slumber. Relax with your loved ones and some eggnog, and then get ready for yet more comics mocking in 2024! See ya on the other side!