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Hi and Lois, 12/7/14

Am I a bad person for seeing “It’s December 7th already” and immediately wishing that all of Lois’s subsequent dialogue were about her manic celebration of Pearl Harbor Day? “Bring down the scale model of the USS Arizona from the attic! Hang a portrait of FDR on the door! Turn off the outdoor lights, in case of Japanese air raids!”

B.C., 12/7/14

Haha this new breakdancing craze is so silly, amiright everyone? It’s just like spinning around rapidly! That’s my point, that I’m proving! Man, this is some cutting-edge stuff.

Speaking of points, I’m pretty sad ant-mom has nixed her son’s tattoo plans, because I’m very interested in seeing what kind of tattoo needle would work on his hard, chitinous exoskeleton.

Judge Parker, 12/7/14

The final panel of today’s strip demonstrates that the glow of Parker-Driver self-satisfaction is now so powerful it’s visible to the naked eye.

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Hi and Lois, 11/26/14

Ha ha, it’s funny because Trixie is just a baby but she’s already terribly depressed!

Six Chix, 11/26/14

Ha ha, it’s funny because death is inevitable for all of us, and every person born is a future corpse!

Rex Morgan, M.D., 11/26/14

Ha ha, it’s funny because Rex is about to just got to town on that sandwich. Like, sure, they’ve been having a good talk about his daughter, who is the ostensible reason that he came here and all, but now it’s sandwich time and he won’t be able to speak or hear while he’s engaging in sandwich-consumption activities. Anyway, I’m very much looking forward to my next lunch or dinner meeting, where I’m going to talk for a few minutes, then say “Excuse me, I’m going in!” and just make loud, ecstatic chewing noises for the next half hour. If the other person tries to say anything, I’ll just chew-moan louder.

Gil Thorp, 11/26/14

Oh look, the Mudlarks are actually doing well this year and won a postseason game and wait a minute why did Gil say “playoffs” post-season games in this strip are called “playdowns” and always have been God damn it this ISN’T FUNNY AT ALL

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Wizard of Id, 11/17/14

Happy 50th birthday, Wizard of Id! You’ve spent half a century churning out quasi-medieval whimsy to the delight of several, and show no signs of stopping, so by all means let your mildly beloved characters pause and take a bow. Many of today’s other strips also paid tribute to this testament of syndicated comics longevity!

Mother Goose and Grimm, 11/17/14

Mother Goose and Grimm decided to celebrate Wizard of Id’s penchant for using the literal torture of human beings as a punchline. I was going to say that torture was “a big part of the Wizard of Id brand” but that was a little uncomfortably on the nose.

Barney Google and Snuffy Smith, 11/17/14

Looks like all this devilish wizardry in the newspaper is tempting Hootin’ Holler’s youth into lives of service to satan! This is what you get when the federal gummint overstretches its reach to outlaw local traditions like stoning blasphemers.

Family Circus, 11/17/14

The Family Circus rather ungraciously implies that the strip is best enjoyed by babies and other illiterates.

Blondie, 11/17/14

Meanwhile, Dagwood doesn’t even bother to acknowledge the cake-gratulations (I JUST INVENTED THAT, © AND ™ JOSH FRUHLINGER, DO NOT STEAL) this bakery is offering because he’s so focused on buying his wife precisely the gift that he wants to eat.

Hi and Lois, 11/17/14

Finally, the Wiz looms in the background in panel two here as some sort of pop art painting, as Chip realizes that his parents’ dysfunctional marriage will forever compromise his ability to love.

Some strips did bravely ignore this important industry anniversary, however:

Judge Parker, 11/17/14

Our heroes in Judge Parker have decided to hunker down and get as drunk as possible, in the hopes that once they sober up all their problems will have resolved themselves.

Funky Winkerbean, 11/17/14

And Funky Winkerbean promises that the next week will consist entirely of hardcore Bushka family sex scenes. Stay tuned!