Post Content

The Phantom, 8/17/23

As noted by me and Uncle Lumpy, the “Death of the Phantom” arc is, after literal years, maybe going to finally end in the Phantom’s death. But not if Babudan has anything to say about it! Look, it’s all dramatic and stuff if you die, O Ghost, but Babudan’s whole deal is that he’s a supporting character in the syndicated newspaper comic strip The Phantom! No more Phantom, no more Babudan! You think he’s going to go out quietly, like Little Orphan Annie, and be satisfied by occasional nostalgia appearances in Dick Tracy? No way, buddy! That’s not how Babudan rolls!

Rhymes with Orange, 8/17/23

Sorry, fellow Gen Xers/Elder Millennials, I know we’re all used to being the “cyber experts” who help our parents download PDFs or whatever, but if you’re going to do jokes about kids, you’ve gotta keep up with the times. These two have never downloaded anything in their lives! This is the streaming generation now!

Mary Worth, 8/17/23

“This beautiful full moon is just making me think of all the people all over the world who are suffering from unjust discrimination, just because they’re werewolves!”

[ALTERNATE JOKE BECAUSE I CAN’T DECIDE IF MARY WOULD BE PRO- OR ANTI-WEREWOLF]

“This beautiful full moon is just making me think of our brave police, who aren’t given the tools they need (silver bullets) to protect law-abiding citizens from werewolves!”

Hi and Lois, 8/17/23

I’m a little unsettled by how proud Hi looks here. “They’re shooting at each other with water guns at point blank range! Kids grow up so fast.”

Post Content

Mary Worth, 7/29/23

Are you suffering from depression? Well, the good people at Mary Worth suggest that you simply reunite with a long lost friend, which will clear the problem up entirely. If you don’t have any friends, that frankly is not Mary Worth’s problem. Have you considered getting held hostage and barely escaping with your life? That’s a great way to meet people.

Hi and Lois, 7/29/23

Thirsty being kind of aggressively “fun” and wacky, waving his hands around … he’s drunk, right? Like, more than usual? I get why he’s so insistent, though: he’s finally figured out the secret to making golf fun and doesn’t want to let it go to waste.

Pluggers, 7/29/23

The way the he-plugger is clutching his chest here is evocative and disturbing to me. “Please, dear, stand up. We just need to make it to the car. We can’t afford the ambulance ride. I know you can do it!”

Gil Thorp, 7/29/23

“Imagine what they get away with in adult prisons. Oh, hey, I just happen to have this DVD about what they get away with in adult women’s prisons! Maybe we could watch that instead of the game? Ha ha, just kidding. Unless…?”

Post Content

Family Circus, 7/28/23

Ah, sweet, unlearned Jeffy! Having heard his parents and grandparents telling treacly stories of guardian angels, he assumes that everyone must have one, even characters in the fairy tales his parents read to him at night. But Ma Keane’s face shows that she knows the truth: that the protection offered by God and his heavenly messengers does not extend to freakish nightmare-beings like Humpty Dumpty. Man was made in the image of his Creator, and falls under His protective grace; but this egg-demon is clearly born of Hell itself, and being shattered on the ground, his guts oozing everywhere, is the fate he deserves.

Hi and Lois, 7/28/23

I assume, in a fatalistic way, that there are no new newspaper comics fans, and haven’t been for some time, and anyone still left reading them daily has really committed to the genre, and already knows all the lore. Still, I’d like to think that there are a certain number of people — not 10,000, surely, but at least a few — who are only learning today that Lois from Hi and Lois and Beetle from Beetle Bailey are siblings, and those people are absolutely losing their minds.