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Rex Morgan, M.D., 9/5/10

Whoah, it looks like our drama involving the sinister brew of prostate cancer and bare-knuckle city politics isn’t over after all! The fact that this story leaked out shouldn’t come as surprise, since Rex already shot his mouth off about it to June and who knows who else. But if the terrifying scene in the next-to-last panel is any indication, the toxic combination of rage and elevated PSA levels has transformed the mayor into The Mayor, a superpowered vigilante determined to stop HIPAA violations wherever he may find them.

Marvin, 9/5/10

Ha ha, Marvin’s grandfather’s friend suffers from a serious medical condition! Also, this is related to the end of summer, somehow! Eh, at least it’s not another “Marvin pooped himself” joke.

Funky Winkerbean, 9/5/10

“I didn’t change how this story finishes, though. My wife’s still dead at the end! That’s just how I roll: very, very glumly.”

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Funky Winkerbean, 8/8/10

The best sadness in today’s Funky Winkerbean (because that is how one should evaluate any day’s Funky Winkerbean, by determining which of its many sadnesses is the best) is not Funky’s failure to recognize how his own unquenchable anger has infected every aspect of his life; that’s a theme that’s been harped on a bit too much of late to be fresh. No, my favorite is Crazy Harry’s rage at Funky for selecting a private service for parcel delivery, choosing reliable tracking capabilities over long-standing friendship. One assumes that Harry’s hangdog expression in the next to last panel is due to this betrayal, and not over the psychological implications of the new t-shirt design.

Panel from Marvin, 8/8/10

Unfortunately, this panel does not depict Marvin’s parents watching with bored detachment as their son is carried away by hungry rodents, with Jeff responding to his wife’s earlier question, “What kind of hungry rodents are those, carrying Marvin away to eat?” But I’ve put isolated it here like this, so you can pretend that it does.

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Spider-Man, 5/11/10

O cruel twist of fate! Here our hero, the Amazing Spider-Man, is betrayed by that which he loves the most: television! He always dreamed of the day when his image would appear on the fantastic glowing picture box in his living room, but now that it’s arrived, it’s just making him confront his financial inadequacies. Perhaps Peter will take this opportunity to educate himself about the rapidly consolidating corporate-controlled media landscape — presumably the Globe-Herald and this local TV station are owned by the same company, and whatever freelancing agreement Peter signed gave that parent corporation the right to use his work across all of its properties. Maybe Spidey’s next battle will be to make readers more aware of alternative, independent journalism, in print or online! Ha ha, just kidding, he’s going to stay at home and sulk and not even go see Mary Jane’s show, wah wah wah, poor Peter Parker, nobody loves him.

Dennis the Menace, 5/11/10

I’m not exactly sure why this is supposed to be either funny or menacing. Perhaps Dennis’s parents have thrown him out of the house into the pouring rain for his general bad behavior, and now he represents the social menace of child homelessness?

Apartment 3-G, 5/11/10

Apartment 3-G really brings home to me how much I make quick assessments about people’s age and social circle from the way they dress. This usually works well enough in the real world, but when you’re dealing with a cast of characters whose wardrobe appears to have been meticulously copied from mid-’60s issues of Redbook, you’re left sort of at sea. Are the A3G girls supposed to be 25? 40? 55? 25-year-olds involved in an elaborate cosplay subculture? Who knows! What I’m trying to say is that Lu Ann may well be a 12-year-old. It would explain a lot.

Marvin, 5/11/10

In happier news, Marvin is about to be mauled by a vicious dog.