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Mary Worth, 11/12/04

“His name is Tommy! And he’s got a great fashion sense, and such beautiful long hair … and when he gets back from his ‘business trip,’ he’s promised to share all his ‘stuff’ with me! Oh, Mary, he’s so … dreamy!”

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Mary Worth, 11/4/04

OK, now that we’re almost done with this crystal meth story line on Mary Worth, let’s review the things that we’ve learned:

• Drugs are bad
• People never change
• You shouldn’t give anyone a second chance, even if they’re your own child, because they’ll just break your heart
• Once someone has failed you twice, you really ought to just write them off
• Don’t buy drugs out of an open brown paper bag, as they’ve probably gone bad
• Meth can go bad
• Blue sansabelt pants, a Members Only jacket, and a Eurotrash ponytail do not make for a cool ensemble
• When a mother becomes extremely upset about her son’s misdeeds, her face develops black splotches and she starts talking like Bronte heroine

By the way, Iris, I’m sure that Tommy learned plenty during his time in the joint. Sadly, it was less about the chemical composition of pharmaceuticals and more about making shivs.

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Momma, 10/19/04

Momma’s so hepped up on soothing laudanum, she doesn’t even notice that she’s talking to one of those freaky Easter Island heads.

Luann, 10/19/04

Luann’s gonna get lucky!

One Big Happy, 10/19/04

This is so vile as to defy comment.

Mary Worth, 10/19/04

Tommy has long proved that he’s the master of the thought balloon, but here he takes it to a whole new level.