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You ever have a day where your goals and ambitions do not match up with your motivation or abilities? Today was such a day for me, my friends. But at least I managed to get this comment of the week post together, and share the week’s best comment with you!

“NOO! THOSE WERE SUGAR-BASED KEYS!” –Dan

And the runners up! Very funny!

“‘I’m nervous in case someone makes a cake that isn’t a shallow cylinder covered in pink icing!’ ‘What do you mean?’ ‘Well, like, supposing someone decided to represent nature’s beauty by using green icing, or even making a cake shaped like a tree or something?’ ‘Oh, I’m sure if anyone did that they’d be disqualified for not making a proper cake.'” –Horace Broon

“Well, now we know how terrible a Shoe punchline has to be before the characters can’t even be bothered with the Goggle Eyes of Horror.” –Daniel

“Overall, I think you have to grant that the depiction of avian life in Shoe is at least as realistic as the way teenagers are portrayed in Luann.” –cheech wizard

“Maybe Crank considers it a waste of time because he plans on driving his bus through George’s basement at 7:45 the next day? ‘Thanks, George, for letting me scope the place. In 12 hours, you’ll have nothing but matchsticks and tears.'” –Hogenmogen

“‘Cell’ isn’t short for ‘cellular phone’ here, guys. She’s calling Archie’s place of imprisonment. The beeps tell her his phone-activated shock collar is still functioning, still keeping him down there on the floor like the animal he is.” –Doctor Handsome

“I don’t know too much about graveyard management, but one thing I do know is that if you have a dead body with an abnormally large arm bone, you should prop it up vertically very close to a mausoleum door. That way anyone who opens the door will knock it over and get spooked out. (This post started out sarcastic, then secretly turned into a good idea.)” –Chareth Cutestory

“If John drops dead of a heart attack as he tries to lift the cake and then Mary delivers a whole week of inspirational platitudes at his funeral, I will forgive everything that has happened in this strip for the past three years.” –Poteet

“I sure hope John’s all-pink nightmare cake tribute to Mrs. Butterworth and/or Mary Worth wins him enough money to get the counseling he so desperately needs.” –Ed Dravecky

” Man, that felt good! I should havetightened the crotch on these pants years ago!” –Oregonian

“I’ll never forget the scene when Cameron Diaz came back from the dead in There’s Nothing Natural About Mary.” –Lenoxus

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I got stuff going on today, folks (including getting ready for my performance at Baltimore’s 14K Cabaret tonight, you should come watch and strike a blow against the region’s insane panic about extremely mild snow accumulation) so I’ve got your comment of the week … kinda early:

“Three cheers for Kraven! The good guy escaped! (Kraven is the good guy, right?)” –Cloudbuster

And your runners up! Very funny!

“It was nice of Greg, the James Bond actor, to comb out, part, and curl Margo’s luxurious blue hair before putting her to bed. Maybe he concluded that ‘Eric’ was her stylist.” –Chipper

“Dilton isn’t absent-minded at all during his awkward display. His feverish mind is present inside his clumsy body all throughout. Aware that the girls are looking at him with not-quite-pity and not-quite-disgust, aware that the local loudmouths are braying remarks, and aware that one day … one day … all of Riverdale is going to burn.” –Chareth Cutestory

“‘Wait, isn’t that the sock your husband masturbates into?’ ‘Yeah. We’re really gross.” –Greg

“Snapping turtles have a worm-like appendage that they use to lure fish, so does this guy. ‘I have nothing to hide’ means he gets in the water naked during competitions.” –nescio

“So let me get this straight. Aquaman dyed his hair black and now cheats on the pro bass circuit with his fish-summoning powers? How the mighty have fallen. Well, at least he kept the orange shirt, for old times’ sake.” –Voshkod

“Margo owns the building, right? Which means those sprinkler-thingies are just for show and the axe is a foam-rubber replica.” –Dood

“‘Oh, no … not again?!’ That is officially the most you can fuck up punctuation in one sentence.” –Doctor Handsome

“‘Knute, what career are you looking for at the fair?’ ‘I want to be TJ .. in a hat!’” –Mr. Fogarty

“‘You’re ready, Mary?’ ‘Yes!’ Man, if that isn’t a set-up for the most anti-erotic porn ever, I don’t know what is. The fact that her next line starts with ‘Oof!’ only adds to an image I’ll never be able to drink away.” –Pozzo

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Goodness, is it comment of the week time already? Yes, yes it is.

“I have often wished I could produce an exclamation point in a balloon over my head. This is, in fact, Spider-man’s only actual superpower.” –Crankenstank

Also time for the runners up!

“I can’t wait to see Mary’s expression when he reveals his plan: a 5 foot tall cake crafted perfectly in her image, wearing nothing but a few well-placed fig leaves. ‘That’s the nature’ part, he’ll explain, his eyes intense but emotionless.” –pugfuggly

“You hope the ceiling is lead-lined? Trust me, it’s not. This is the Funkyverse! Think ‘asbestos.'” –sporknpork

“I think I know how this storyline of Mary Worth ends. Mary and John stand in the kitchen, pistols in hand, aiming at each other over a range of about six feet (Mary is, of course, holding her pistol gangster-style, like a proper lady). The kitchen is covered with dirty mixing bowls, frosting litters the walls. Their clothes are white with flour and powdered sugar. Their fingers twitch on the triggers. Mary narrows her eyes. A dove coos softly from the windowsill. And then the oven timer rings.” –Voshkod

“I think the last panel of Gil looking introspective and in deep thought would be awesome without the dialogue bubble; he’s got that ‘thinking man pose atop a throne of skulls in Hell’ look about him that would be awesome to airbrush onto the side of a van.” –Jon the Red

“If slumping on a couch drinking wine counts as ‘working,’ then I really need to rethink my understanding of this country’s unemployment crisis.” –Legend of the Arctic

“This is my ward, Rusty. We call him ‘Rusty’ because of the specific way he repeatedly injures himself, and ‘Tetanus Shot’ was too long.” –Sock Puppet

MW: “I have never before seen anyone pick up a cake by simply sticking one’s hand underneath it and lifting it up whole, and I have never before seen anyone pick up a freshly baked and steaming anything without a pot holder or an oven mitt. But then, I have never before seen a cake made out of meat, either. Ah, the beauty of nature!” –seismic-2

“How’s my favorite guide? Are you still leading gullible tourists from the city out into the middle of nowhere where you can kill and rob them?” –Liam

“I like it that they call dumping dissidents in a lake an ‘interment camp.'” –Comrade Denny

“What really gets me is that Sam is looking at crudely-sketched pictures of windows, intently trying to determine what they are. When he lays his eyes on a crudely-sketched picture of whatever Neddy bought, it will surely drive him into madness.” –Ben Ferber

Thanks to everyone who put some scratch in my tip jar! To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.