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Here it is, kids: Your top comment!

“I don’t know what kind of horror has caused Dolly and Jeffy to flee in haste from the Keane ranchette, but not only, as others have mentioned, has Jeffy tied something non-hat like on his head (the arm protector from the La-Z-Boy?) but Dolly has put her stirrup pants on over her shoes. That’s right, Dolly — the tree keeps its clothes at all times on so it can make a quick escape when its mommy starts screaming out bible scripture and chasing the kids around with a hairbrush and a vacuum hose.” –Mustang

And your runners up! Very funny!

“So this is the meth lab Paul’s so proud of? Be careful Lu Ann, those chemicals will straighten your hair.” –zenvelo

“After reading Shoe, I started to make a list of things that are really important that you don’t see people doing on TV. I won’t bore you with the whole list. But masturbating made the cut. Reading Shoe did not.” –Esther Blodgett

“‘Rely on batteries or electricity?’ Good Lord, what else did her husband give her other than those swans on their marriage night? She might have gotten an electric shock from which she’s never recovered. I’m surprised the doc hasn’t prescribed lotion.” –Dingo

“Kelly is Cherry’s evil twin sister. Mark tolerates her because he can’t tell them apart.” –gnome de blog

“How can Jeff fail to comprehend that Mary would be daunted by this new technology? As has been amply demonstrated this week, our venerable heroine continues to find the intricacies of operating a coffee cup almost hopelessly bewildering.” –Violet

“The obvious subtext of every Pluggers is always, ‘Pluggers honestly don’t give a fuck if they live or die,’ but today’s installment is a little on-the-nose.” –Doctor Handsome

“Nothing says ‘I’m not afraid’ like placing your coffee cup in a defensive position between your heart and what you fear most: a future beyond the control of Mary Worth.” –VochoCinco

“OK, so that’s clearly not a plugger, because when the hell did pluggers start using fancy-Dan cable boxes and big-time-Charlie remote boxes? Pluggers use rabbit ears and believe that remote controls shoot lasers that could take out an eye. Fucking frauds.” –DownWithOPP

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

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A couple quick notes before you get your CsOTW: Too Hot For Church shirts exist, and half-priced ads are still available for cartoonists! And now, on with the COTW:

“BUZZ BUZZ! Sorry, Margo, that wasn’t a valid response. Remember, defensiveness does not count as bitchiness. The correct response was, ‘You bumpkins deserve each other!’ Tommie, yawn away ten points.” –Doctor Handsome

And the runners up, very funny!

“In Paleo-Pluggers, does ‘courted’ mean ‘savagely attacked and shook until the neck broke, before carrying the lifeless body back to your own territory to be devoured at your leisure?’ Because that’s where I see that relationship going. A dog with that look on his face and that many hearts floating in front of him is definitely thinking about food.” –Harold

“In fairness to Scott, he IS wearing his dress undershirt.” –Adfella

“‘I’m nervous about venturing too far’? Who talks that way? Is it Santa Royale cop lingo?” –Cayuga

“As bad as this honeymoon trip is turning out to be, I’ll bet it’s still better than the sex.” –Poteet

“Shannon looks like a tiny Mossad agent spotting the last living Nazi officer in Argentina. No need to bring him back alive, Shannon.” –Ed Dravecky

“Fun fact: dog-chicken offspring are born encased in a quivering, soft-shelled chrysalis — it’s not quite an egg, and it’s not quite a placenta, but as any Dog-Plugger will tell you, it’s good eatin’.” –Walker of Dog

“You were ruined by a shady investment counselor? How interesting! June and I were ruined by a shitty inker, so…” –Edgy DC

“Simulating fellatio has become tedious for Tommie.” –Red Greenback

“The new hubby is now repacking the trunk, again. One day he will realize that suitcases can be laid on their side, but not today.” –Neal R

“Today’s Jumble is like ‘Goofus and Gallant Work the Night Shift at WalMart.'” –AndyL

“Yeah, I’m going to have to add Mary Worth to the list of comics best understood as taking place entirely within the mind of someone being hanged at Owl Creek Bridge. The list is longer than most casual comics readers might suspect.” –Spunde

“Tommie thinks that she and Margo are literally in the same boat, as the waters rise past their ankles from Margo’s running an unattended bath. ‘That’s not exactly comforting, Tommie, we’ll all be drowned soon enough, purple robes and all.'” –TheLundbom

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• SPQR Blues: A Webcomic about an ordinary Roman guy and a perfectly nice volcano (and the occasional meddling goddess).
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To find out more about how you could be thanked in this spot, and more about sponsoring this site’s RSS feed, click here.

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Your COTW shortly, but first, a long overdue update to the Comics Curmudgeon Store! Are you too fancy for Hoboken and too hot for church? Why not let everyone know, in t-shirt form?

Oh, wait, did I say “t-shirt form” as if there weren’t other options? As if underwear weren’t available? You’d better believe there’s underwear!

Now that you’re done spending every last cent of your clothing budget on these fine items, I give you … your comment of the week!

“I’d love to see this Spider-Man storyline come to an end with Spidey and the monster learning to communicate, it waving about his elderly, frail aunt and he waving about his television remote. Ultimately, they fall in love.” –Black Drazon

And your runners up! Very funny!

“Damn you, Earth’s core! Damn you to hell!” –True Fable

“Anyway, I read somewhere that a wedding gift should offset the per-head cost of the wedding. Judging by your venue’s drop ceiling, I think this $8 card and envelope should cover it.” –ks

“Do we know the note is from Jill? I was kind of hoping it was from the drug dealers who shot Scott.” –Roktober

“P.S. Mary Worth was nice enough to introduce me to a nice young doctor and we’re moving to Siberia to get married. Do not look for me and I definitely wasn’t murdered. Sincerely, Jill.” –bunivasal

“Of course, the ‘Happy New Year Handshake’ is pretty marketable as well.
And by ‘Happy New Year Handshake,’ I mean the A3G comic panel above, not the sex act.” –Lorne

“The Bora Bora Lagoon Resort on Ventura Blvd in L.A. is probably 30 miles or so from Santa Royale. Mary might even drive the happy couple there, instructing them carefully on contraceptive methods as she does.” –bats :[

“Since we virtually never see anyone in A3G from the waist down, I think it’s pretty safe to say that everyone is probably wearing assless leather chaps.” –Jim North

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• Finn & Charlie are Hitched: Love, friendship, and occasional nudity.
• Riotfish: What happens when a newspaper comic character becomes self-aware?
• Meerkat Entertainment Group: Comics, fiction, and more!
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