Post Content

Your COTWs (CsOTW? never sure how to pluralize that) coming shortly, but first, a few items of interest! To begin: thanks to many, many tipsters who sent me the link to Bill Watterson’s first interview in more than 20 years. It’s pretty brief, but interesting, and includes this key quote:

It’s always better to leave the party early. If I had rolled along with the strip’s popularity and repeated myself for another five, 10 or 20 years, the people now “grieving” for Calvin and Hobbes would be wishing me dead and cursing newspapers for running tedious, ancient strips like mine instead of acquiring fresher, livelier talent. And I’d be agreeing with them.

Also! Normally I only post photos of people wearing merchandise from my store, but I genuinely feel a need to give back to all that Mary Worth has done for me over the years, and thus I present to you my first off-store model: faithful reader Rachel in her new Mary Worth t-shirt:

If you haven’t already, you should totally check check the store out! And even if you have, you need to go back, because they aren’t resting on their laurels over there. YOU CAN TOTALLY BUY MARY WORTH VALENTINE’S DAY CARDS YOU GUYS! And if you’re over at CafePress anyway, well, you’ll obviously want to check my store out as well.

Also also! Faithful reader Ed Dravecky recently attended the Dallas Comic Con, where he had this picture snapped with former Judge Parker artist Harold Ledoux:

Back when Mr. Ledoux was drawing this feature, the cast wore baggy, physique-hiding clothing while flirting half-heartedly, and I have to say that if I had met him, the temptation to say something along the lines of “So, the new guy sure likes drawin’ ladies, don’t he?” would have been overpowering. Ed says that Ledoux talked about Sam Driver’s introduction to the strip, which pushed out its title character; the syndicate apparently wanted “somebody who could do some punching,” presumably to compete with Mark Trail’s fisticuff-driven popularity.

And now, without further ado: your comment of the week!

“If Mary-Jane whipped ’em out whenever the storyline got dull, Spider-Man would make Judge Parker look positively Amish.” –commodorejohn

And the also funny runners up!

“Or maybe Family Circus has had a coloring error, and Billy has buried his younger brother in concrete. ‘Mommy’ is no doubt just out of range as well, laughing hysterically at her moron son’s imminent starvation.” –Captain Hammer

“Great Caruso’s ghost! If there’s one strip with more potential than Spider-Man for inaction and inanity, it has to be Spider-Man: Miami.” –Ed Dravecky

“Is … is Dawn going to break up with her father? I could get into this story yet.” –Rita Lake and the Special Goddesses

“MJ’s actually looking pretty ripped herself, albeit only in her left arm. Perhaps the Parker household TV-remote-lifting exercise regimen is finally paying off.” –Dan

“Maybe Pete should go along, in case there’s a production of Nippleless Nippleby.” –Muffaroo

“If the girls in A3G would just stop turning away from the person they’re in the middle of a conversation with, forcing them to violently snap their head backwards when the other person responds to what they just said, they’d save a lot of strain on their necks. I imagine the whole scarf fascination is just to hide the surprise-take stretch marks that all A3G regulars must have by now.” –AndyL

“Well, it could be a boom box. Judging by how that mutant talking camel-thing has a head in place of its left foreleg and a bizarre abdominal protrusion forcing both of its hind legs to its right side, that oddly spherical lump could be anything, really.” –Rhekarid

“And what’s with MJ wasting an entire word balloon on an exclamation point? If the rest of us could actually utter a punctuation mark, there might not be any more wars.” –Mr. Paul Maul

“I hope Wilbur can find one of those newfangled DNA clinics that does cheek-swab testing. Otherwise, he’ll have to decide which of his four hairs he’s willing to sacrifice.” –BigTed

“At last. No longer must I yell ‘Paternity test!’ every time I read MW. Now it’s back to ‘Haircut!'” –Joolz

“By ‘encore’ he means a quick round of auto-erotic asphyxiation. Let all those that bear the kerchief rejoice and let the Gods themselves regret their scarfless immortality tonight!” –lunarhalo

“What is it with Gil Thorp and shiny, shiny floors? I know basketball courts are well-polished, but today’s strip looks like Walt Disney’s Hackneyed Basketball Advice On Ice!” –Patrick

“A plugger’s doc is even less pleased when his patient tries to pay the bill with a mason jar full of pennies, five tattered books of Blue Chip stamps, and a stale Dorito that looks a little like Jesus.” –Mr. E.Z. Mark

“Crankshaft: Pam is just now noticing that her father is an annoying dope who makes the English language cry? Only now? Has she spent the last 20 years on a ketamine high?” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“Also, in spite of having ‘connected on many levels’ with Wilbur, Kurt seems not to be quite connected to himself in panel one, where his torso is improbably shifted to the left of his hips and legs. If he were a horse, he would probably be put down.” –Charterstoned

“Is Sarah still in a car seat? Unless she’s biologically short for her age, in which case I apologize. Maybe I’m still jaded by the time Sam and Abby’s kid went to bed in footie pajamas and woke up as jailbait, but I think it might be time for Sarah’s height to catch up with her college-level elocution.” –Black Drazon

“Any guesses as to why Wilbur has unicorn bookends? My current theory is he’s actually an eight-year-old girl.” –Anonymous

“Dawn: ‘Wilbur! We’re out of Miracle Whip!’ Wilbur: ‘It matters! It matters! Oh, dear Lord, it matters! Quickly, to the BreadMobile!'” -KarMann

“What IS going on with that Family Circus blanket? Did the real-life Keanes just mess up drawing her hands and say, ‘Fuck it, let’s just make her hold some laundry. Chicks do that, right?’ Or is it covering something, like a sculpture or a prize ham that she was about to reveal with a dramatic flourish when she found her children pilfering sweets from the cabinet?” –Revenge of Chesnut

“In many contexts, Wilbur’s statement would be an affirmation of the value of the relationships we create over those which societal convention predetermines for us. In Mary Worth, it probably means he’s afraid of needles.” –perchingpath

“I wonder if Eula would take any comfort in living in the Family Circus, where angels watch over their survivors like giant voyeuristic harpies.” –bunivasal

“No wonder Steve Luhm is poised for a coaching breakthrough; Coach Kaz has been damn scarce since he took on a second job as Randy Parker’s hetero sex-double. Now I’m left to ponder what Marty-Moon-related money hemorrhage caused this temporary drop in finances, one so sharp that he would throw himself willy-nilly into the tit-crazy world of JP.” –rocketbride

“I can’t explain it to you, Dawn. There’s not even room for another ‘we’ in this speech bubble.” –Comics Fan

“I’m going to give the Perfesser the benefit of the doubt and assume that this is just the first day his newspaper will be published entirely in tweet form.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“At breakfast, Sam continues to spout racist diatribes against cobbling elves!” –Chyron HR

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

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Post Content

Your COTW coming shortly, but first! You might recall that last fall I was sentenced to prison in the Jumble. Well, according to this past Sunday’s edition, I’ve been freed but sentenced to almost as sad a fate: toiling in the dying print newspaper industry!

Appropriately, the Sunday Jumble is nearly impossible to find online, but faithful reader queek took a picture of his physical “news-paper” and sent it to me! I include the adjacent bridge column so you can get the full experience of reading this the way our primitive forefathers did.

Also, this is not really comics related, but, indulge me: speaking of things that will kill print, I somehow briefly bamboozled my way onto CNN as a “tech analyst” (thanks to one of my other gigs) talking about the supposedly exciting upcoming Apple tablet thingie. My 15 seconds of glory begin at about 0:33 on this video. Despite my unabashed Apple fanboyness, I express some ambivalence about the future success of this device!

If it appears that I’m not looking at anyone in particular, that’s because I’m not! I filmed this in a closet-sized room in CNN’s Washington studio, and the people actually putting the segment together were in New York, so I was just talking to a disembodied voice in my ear. I swear that I said funny things during my filming session, but alas none of them came through in the segment, and I admit to being jealous of the Motley Fool dude’s “iManPurse” line. My tie, at least, looks good. Also, Wolf Blitzer was in line ahead of me at the makeup station, and his beard is even more fluffy and magical in person.

Ahem! And now that that narcissism is out of the way … your COMMENT OF THE WEEK!

“In Rex Morgan, MD, The Movie, I would like the part of Sarah to be played by Danny DeVito.” –Ned Ryerson

And the runners up! Very funny!

“When a goose with a thirty foot wingspan warns me to stay out of his end of the lake, I usually comply.” –AndyL

“Sam’s hands are so furry I’m tempted to believe he’s evolving a sophisticated array of sensitive cilia that warns him when Abbey is getting too close. I shudder to imagine his matted back.” –trey le parc

“Are Rocky and Godiva known to the tabloids as ‘Gocky’, or ‘Rodiva’?” –imperturbe

“It looks to me like Dagwood and Herb have joined one of those door-to-door religious cults — maybe ‘BREAKFAST FOR BUDDHA’ — with their matching bacon-layered briefcases and wacky waffle shoes. There’s no god like a syrupy god.” –R in CT

“Still, there’s something special about the way Mary’s eyes light up in the second panel with all the warmth of xenon laser death beams suddenly acquiring a target. If there’s a problem, yo, she’ll solve it.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“Mary’s just disturbed because Dawn only gave her a half-baked version of the Nazi salute. ‘Look, Dawn, we’ve gone over this and over this. Do I have to show you how to hail me properly AGAIN?'” –Amateur

“I love the look on Mary’s face in panel two, just like someone who in passing puts a quarter in an airport slot machine and hits a $50,000 jackpot. For the mere investment of a ‘hope you had a nice holiday,’ she receives an e-ticket to the schadenfreude express.” –Sans Sense

“Come now — it’s called ‘foreshadowing.’ Or maybe ‘side-shadowing.'” –Zla’od N

“I can’t be the only one who can’t look past the bizarrely bright nighttime of Blondie? Perhaps the colourists spend so much time bathed in white florescent light while chained to their desks that they have never experienced darkness?” –Anonymous

“For some reason, the artist of Mary Worth thinks that extreme closeup = extreme emotion, usually negative. If ever we see someone in a killing rage, presumably it’ll just be a drawing of enormous eyes, possibly framed by downturned eyebrows.” –Carly

“That Blondie strip is obviously a glimpse into an alternate universe in which Dagwood and Herb are a hilariously argumentative gay couple. And in the daytime, the sky is black.” –Super King

“My growing suspicion that Wilbur Weston has never actually had sex in his life has since led me to suspect that Dawn actually sprang, fully formed, from his forehead. Which would explain the comb-over.” –mojo

“It appears as if the lake itself is yelling at the Parker Brothers in panel one. Perhaps this isn’t a fight between the brothers and the dudes in the canoe, but a violent battle between the personification of water and people who haven’t realized that hairstyles have evolved since 1973.” –Patrick

“I think Chip’s friend works as an organ-grinder’s monkey on the weekends.” –bats :[

“Oh, please. Winter or summer, Chip and friend would be doing the exact same things: playing Wii or surfing for porn. I’d update the septuagenarian writers of Hi and Lois on advances in technology, but I don’t know how to send them a telegram.” –DaveyK

“I’d think the easiest way for Hootin’ Holler residents to care for their personal hygiene is with their disturbingly capacious tongues.” –jvwalt

“Tonight! The Keane Kids and Max Von Sydow star in Ingmar Bergman’s Frosty The Snowman.” –Rachel K

“What, exactly, is Ted Forth wearing? Some kind of Masonic snuggie?” –Joe Blevins

“The Family Circus is turning into Calvin & Hobbes so slowly that we’ll never see them get to the good part.” –Kibo

“Dennis has failed to learn the valuable lessons of this week’s FC: Snowmen are, at best, fleeting friends. To love a snowman is to know death.” –Rusty

“On what planet do teenage comic book nerds NOT already know the history of comic book characters? If this was reality, a ‘back in the good old days’ comment like that would be met with five hours of nitpicking and debate until the old dude just went and shot himself to make the trivia stop.” –Carrie

“‘Steve Luhm’s been giving Micah Huang some pointers’? Is that what the kids are calling it these days? And by ‘it’, I mean being thrust into the world of womanhood by a janitor in a closet that that smells of bleach and dashed dreams.” –skullcrusherjones

“Dagwood, stop bothering that poor man about the bird and get to the real burning issue: what on Earth is he wearing? Are they making mustard-yellow maternity wear for men now?” –Roger

“If I were that little guy, I’d be concerned about what Billy’s got in his pocket. Never bring a snowball to a knife fight.” –Makya

“I’m in luck! Sabretooth can’t find me! Or hear someone yelling from ten feet away, because his four evenly-spaced faces leave no room for ears!” –He Brought Queenie Baby Jesus

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

• Advertise your t-shirts here: Find out more about the BlogAds t-shirt hive! Connect with young adults eager to sport your shirts! Reaching a tremendously expansive audience at a very low cost, the BlogAds T-Shirt Hive is comprised of a well-rounded set of over 30 social media elite blogs, who speak to a young hip male and female audience of clothing enthusiasts. These readers are seeking back to school threads, everyday wear and tear shirts, and any clothes that are stylish or humorous.

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

Post Content

Your COTW coming in a moment, but first a public service announcement. It has probably been a while since I pointed you in the direction of this site’s posting and discussion policies! They are worth a read but one violation that I have noted a slight uptick in lately is people doing the thing where they see that nobody has commented on a post and they post “First post!” or something along those lines. This is annoying to me and other people and if I see such a post I will erase it from the page of time. You don’t want to annoy me, do you? Do you? I didn’t think so. So please refrain, won’t you?

Anyhoo, here is your COMMENT OF THE WEEK:

“Skating? Blow my own horn? Greg Louganis? Is Curtis coming out or is Tobias Fünke writing his dialogue?” –skullcrusherjones

And your runners-up! Also funny!

“Wow, Greg Louganis is a bit of a dated reference, isn’t it. Maybe Curtis banged his head on a concrete platform and blacked out for 20 years.” –Will

“Why does Spider-Man need to know the spelling of Sabretooth, anyway? Is he compiling his Christmas card list?” –Patrick

“Who’s the black Greg Louganis that’s a sex machine to all the chicks? CURTIS! You’re DAMN right!” –Ned Ryerson

“The next step in Steve’s master plan: ‘…and speaking of things that are big and salty…'” –Pozzo

“That’s actually Spidey’s fashion sense going off. It goes off A LOT.” –Roger

“School janitors make good money but coaches make more. Gil has a room 24/7 at the Milford Inn stocked with booze and Jonas Brothers CDs.” –mr 12 oz can

“So Kurt thinks that coming to Charterstone is going to assuage his uneasiness? Good luck with that, kid. No wonder Wilbur is trying to change the subject by introducing the most distracting question he can think of — ‘Do my numerous ongoing fantasies about what it would be like to have my ex-lover as my mother bear any relation to the actual reality?'” –Violet

“It seems to me that what Spidey’s been calling his ‘spider sense’ all this time is actually what the rest of us call ‘anxiety attacks.'” –JP (not Judge Parker)

“Meanwhile, Kurt’s stubble continues to grow, further alienating him from his waxy padre.” –perchingpath

“Funky’s hand-waving makes sense if you knew that Mopey Pete’s been eating burritos since the beginning of the year. But before he could disperse the fumes, Pete’s karma done peeled the vinyl off the stools.” –Lou Shumaker

“‘Kickin’ it with a burrito at the Toxic Taco’ is obviously a code word for male prostitution, the only career open for a failed comic writer.” –G. Bob

“Say what you will about capitalism, but this is definitely one of its perks. Money speaks louder than concern about whether or not people only appreciate your work ironically.” –Anonymous

“Hmmm, based on Kurt’s eyebrows, I am not sure he is a natural blonde. There is one way to find out, but since Kurt lost everything below the waist on the way to the docks I guess we’ll never know.” –Thomas B.

“I can’t say I understand what’s going on in Dick Tracy but the narrative is clear enough. In the 1/14 strip, for example, the Cambastani Embassy is about to hire an ‘American rock music’ band that has been together for almost two whole days because he wants ‘everything at its finest’. This booking will be based on a CD recorded, mastered, and produced yesterday and dropped off this morning at a talent agency named ‘Brozebra,’ presumably for DT artist Jim Brozman and the Zebra from Pearls Before Swine. So do I understand it? No, but that’s what’s happening.” –Ed Dravecky

MT: “Good afternoon our special, gentlemen, is FORESHADOWING with a light ABSOLUTELY NOTHING SUBTLE sauce. Would you care to try that with a bottle of Chateau d’Awkward Direct Address?” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“Oh no! Wilbur has run afoul of the Triplets, a sinister trio of identical clones who pose as rich snobs but are indeed savage killing machines with horrible taste in clothing.” –Taquelli

“Wait, which Mary Worth character does blue-blazer rich kid look like? Oh, right, all of them.” –Evan

“The reason Grandma has that box out is that she’s sorting the pictures to decide which ones to burn for warmth.” –Kibo

“Ruby’s ribbons seem to be getting larger of late. Is she just snatching whatever pieces of fabric she can find and weaving them into her hair? Does this have something to do with Lyle? We need a Mark Trail Sunday special on her mating rituals.” –commodorejohn

“Is it possible that instead of having a relationship with a single woman, Wilbur was actually frequenting an Easter bonnet-themed brothel?” –Andy L

“I’ll tell you the worst that can happen: a Tommie-centric storyline! I’d muster up a scream but my terror is already bored.” –Rhekarid

“I like the way Mommy Keane happens to be standing next to the front door when Jeffy comes barreling in. One leg coyly askance. She’s carrying her … folded linens from the … hutch over to the … okay, I don’t know what she’s doing.” –Dentuck

“June’s always had a science-fiction-y look to her. She reminds me of the evil Kryptonian lady from Superman 2, possibly crossed with Jayna from The Wonder Twins. As panel 3 clearly demonstrates, her waistline could not possibly be achieved by an Earthling, and she doesn’t seem to understand our concept of what ‘breaking the fourth wall’ means, as evidenced by her attempt in panel 2 to push her face directly through the invisible screen which separates her from us.” –Joe Blevins

“I love June’s expression of horror in the last panel. ‘Just a moment, honey! Mommy needs to peel her face off and put on a new one!'” -Carly

“Wilbur and Kurt continue fishing, but only in the very loosest sense of the word, to the point that neither of them is even keeping up the charade in Panel 2. Wait, should a narration box acknowledge the existence of panels? Or itself? ERROR! ERROR! Bzzt!” –Steve S

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

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To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.