Archive: metaposts

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You might recall that I announced a while back that a redesigned version of the site is in the works. Well, it is pretty much ready to be looked at by our crack beta testing crew!  I’ve already got a good list of folks (you’ll all get a note from me with more info in the next day or so!), but I am still looking for anyone who uses a BlackBerry with Web-surfing capabilities, or a new Droid phone (or something else that runs version 2.0 of Android). If you match that description and would like to participate, drop me a line at bio@jfruh.com. (UPDATE: OK, I have enough people for this now, but if you’re *really* jazzed to participate, I could always use more!)

Oh, and hey, you know that top comment you’ve been looking for? Well, here it is!

“I love the gratuitous cell phone that the comatose Chip is clutching with a ferocious and doubtlessly drug-induced rigor. These OD’ing kids and their cell phones! I bet he’s TEXTING, amirite?” –teddytoad

And the runners up! Very amusing!

“I think I figured out why Jeffy is sitting there. He just burned a doobie. He has that smug far-off look, he’s sitting in a doorway spacing out watching his matriarchs get their gab on while Dolly drones on. ‘What’s she even talking about man, and check out that cat man that cat is far out.'” –micedwhale

“Mr. Howard is clearly so overwhelmed by Peter’s almost superhuman handsomeness that he barely cares about his mother at this point. ‘Yeah, yeah, the old bag seems fine … Tell me, what kind of product are you using in your hair? I’ve mainly been using varnish and STP in mine, but I want the kind of bounce and vitality that you have! I mean, just look at that shine!'” –Joe Blevins

“Make sure all six of those remaining hairs are combed over! You are a self-sufficient, confident man of strength, and your hair-placement skills will just shout out ‘Tiger In The Bedroom!’ to your fellow non-swimming, action-seeking pool party guests. And that long straw in your drink? Icing, my friend. Icing.” –Mooncattie

“I may miss Iris, but you cannot miss my irises!” –Dragon of Life

“So, Mark drives his station-wagon, say, ninety kilometres an hour off a ledge at least two metres up, and all it suffered was a broken tire? Maybe he stuck his arm out the window and punched the air below to soften the impact or something.” –Jacob

“Is this year’s Charterstone pool party theme ‘Hold Your Food And Beverages at an Awkward Angle?'” –Patrick

At least you still have Dawn around. Its patented grease-fighting formula will come in handy, now that Iris isn’t around to scape the remnants of microwave burritos off your dishes.” –Pozzo

On Wilbur’s Facebook page: “Of course, it can only be authentic if he has zero friends.” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“And Rex Morgan’s storyline ends exactly as they all should: with a panel full of nothing but incredibly awkward silence.” –Black Drazon

“I like the fact that the only things visible on the buffet table in the Mary Worth strip are a bowl of apples, a plate of fish quenelles and a bottle of ketchup. One can’t help speculating about what the dessert will be. Bearnaise cake? Cheese-flavored ice cream with a topping of erasers?” –Anonymous

“Since Wilbur Weston’s stated profession is masquerading as a female advice columnist, I can only imagine that his Facebook page would have to carry the charade farther. So, when he asked for Dawn’s ‘help’, I suspect he meant ‘pose for my Facebook photo, and show some skin, if you could.'” –hogenmogen

Phantom: If they just make this storyline focus on Diana escaping from the bizarre, unfocused international terrorists and eventually taking revenge on the Python — with perhaps the occasional flash to the titular character as he mopes around in self-pity and watches afternoon soaps while developing an eating disorder — I would be happy beyond expression.” –Master Softheart

“Also, you may be a tad on the chubby side, Wilbur, but you hardly constitute a legion.” –Violet

“I’m less concerned with Jeffy slobber and more with the fact that he’s hovering 3 inches off the ground. Not to mention the whereabouts of his mother’s legs. I’m not saying the two are linked in some sort of bizarre amputation-for-levitation satanic tradeoff. But I’m not prepared to rule it out either.” –It’s time to pay the price

“Judging from panel 2, Wilbur thinks this new ‘social networking’ craze is all about the shadow puppets.” –Steve S

“And here I was, expecting exciting Facebook statuses like, ‘Wilbur is standing in his underwear, eating handfuls of cold cereal over the sink.'” –mojo

“Besides, isn’t this guy an advice columnist? Because, really.” –Honeypot

“In honor of Wilbur, let me be the first person to introduce a new catch-phrase/cliche into the English-speaking lexicon: YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO COMB-OVER THIS PROBLEM!!!” –Marion Delgado

“In panel two it looks as though Wilbur is attempting to do finger quotes. Now on to explore new worlds, in ‘online social networking,’ and when I say ‘online social networking,’ I mean Japanese porn.” –Not_Wilbur

“I think you’re too hard on Rusty. Clearly he’s going to be a man’s man — how many 10 year olds would bother isolating which part of the car was on them before mentioning that they’re trapped? ‘The axle’s on my leg! No, wait, that’s the rear differential housing. Anyway, hand me the grease gun — as long as I’m under here I may as well make myself useful.'” –Evan

“Coach Fazio forfeited his entire season when his players got caught drinking. I went over to personally rub it in his face. How can I let my players stay on the team without looking like a bigger jack-off?” –AmazingThor

“On the other hand this might be the beginning of a theme where Rusty becomes increasingly mangled and deformed. In several years he’ll end up as a torso and most of a head that lives in a 5 gallon bucket.” –Birthmark Hal

“Wilbur just set up his account that same day, right? Was this kid sitting around searching every social networking site for ‘Wilbur Weston’ every day until he finally found a result? Because … honestly, that sounds like something Wilbur’s progeny would do. Maybe it’s not a scam after all!” –JC Lisbon

“I know it’s just a side effect of having to make Sunday strips nonessential. but it’s fun to imagine that Wilbur has been saying ‘Woah!’ and touching parts of his face over and over for fifteen minutes.” –BananaSam

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Hey kids, here’s your abbreviated COTW list! (Not including the awesomely long Thanksgiving weekend post, alas.) First, the week’s top comic:

“‘You were under a lot of stress at the circus … How about a nice relaxing concert’ sounds like the opening lines from a badly-dubbed Czechoslovakian porno.” –Patrick

And the runners up! Very funny!

“In an inspired crossover from Sunday’s MT, Ruby accessorizes with kelp.” –Écureuil Écumant

“After all he’s been through, shouldn’t Scott be a little more … withered? Instead, he has soft, rounded arms, and rosy, fleshy thighs; he’d be in perfect health if he were a 19-year-old girl.” –bourbon babe, unbuckled

“I’m not a big fan of piercings, but on Cue, they seem to work. At least they look no worse to me than Ruby’s hair ribbons, the poachers’ long sideburns, and Adrian’s alleged ‘hands.'” –Poteet

“Let’s give Rusty a big hand! Seriously, anything would be less disturbing than that tiny prosthesis he is currently sporting.” –Victor Von

On the possibility of a marijuana-themed Cue-featuring t-shirt: “Anything mentioning weed reduces the number of folks who can buy it. It’s far more socially acceptable to wear incomprehensibly weird t-shirts than those promoting drugs. Sort of like how smoking weed is less acceptable than choking and punching someone because they don’t know where your mother is.” –Aviatrix

“Brad took one off-screen panel to turn a bowl of potatoes into a glass of wine. I’d respect him more for this if he hadn’t apparently also broken down the table into atomic energy to fuel this conversion process. Where will they eat now, Brad? Where will they eat now?” –Dragon of Life

“Sure, it looks like Bob may have gotten off easy, but as the ominous foregrounds in panels 2 and 3 show, the animals have not forgotten. They know the truth, and they’ll be waiting. Wildlife control, Bob? I think we’ll see who controls whom here.” –Joe Blevins

The smallest species of squid will barely cover a dime, while the giant squid will stick you with a bar tab for eight. Squid are fucking cheapskates.” –Uncle Lumpy

DT: “‘Impaled by a trombone slide’. I’m calling it right now.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“Got to appreciate Rod Whigham and the class he’s brought to the Gil Thorp artwork. Many’s the time I’ve wondered what All the Right Moves would look like if Tom Cruise’s face began melting.” –Edgy DC

“I believe that the poster is of Spook himself, having been forced into prostitution as part of his entrapment. It was meant to be punishment, but he seems to take a lot of pride in his erotic accomplishments.” –dondie

“I’m sorry, but that is not Toby. Look how little she is next to her Dr. Ian! No, Toby’s off doing girl stuff, leaving Dr. Ian to attend the party with a special made 3/4-scale blow-up Toby.” –Matt Algren

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

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To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

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Hold tight for your comments of the week, because first: remember how I was on the radio, in Australia? Well, now I’m on the Internet, in Australia! Er, and everywhere. Anyway, you can download my Australian radio appearance here. There are live performances of Mary Worth and Rex Morgan in there too, which is awesome, obviously.

And while we’re on matters antipodal: remember last Friday’s Luann, when hunky Man from a Land Down Under Quill told Luann that “Aussies have Thanksgiving too”? Turns out that’s not true, at all! Check out the comments on that article to find out more, with fun info about the “Starbucks Purge of 2008.”

And now … your comment of the week!

“Sounds like a certain blog-writin’ flatlander ain’t acquainted with bear face stew.” –Derdrom, in response to my curiosity as to what became of the real head originally attached to this bearskin rug

And the runners up! Extremely funny!

“I’m not saying it was a bad idea to extract all of Rusty’s teeth. I’m just saying it didn’t help.” –Poteet

“I think when all is done and punches have been delivered, Mark will take Rusty aside and chide him severely for using a contraction, even in the heat of battle.” –Niall

“Dolly is making graven images again. Can I stone her?” –zerowolf

“I’ve commented on this before, but I’m kind of obsessed with Rusty’s origin story. I now believe that Mark Trail periodically releases spores, which drift out over lost forest and grow in wood that’s iron-rich — say, from an attached chain that could hold down a raccoon or a small dog. The spores gradually grow into a misshapen juvenile form (often called ‘rusty’ due to the presence of iron). This then breaks free and wanders the woods until it finds an adult of the species. They form a pair bond. Then, the adult might asexually release spores one more time before the juvenile devours it and then reaches maturity itself. Rusty kinds looks like Mark, in a disturbing kind of way, and the above seems the most likely way that could be.” –Les of the Jungle Patrol

“I, too, am thinking Mary is developing a serious meth problem. Mary totally tweaked out last night and got a little aggressive with her nail gun. ‘What the fuck is up with these flowers. A vase? Greedy bastards!’ Blam blam. ‘Curtain rod? Oh, hell no. I’m just gonna nail these bitches right into the wall.’ Blam blam blam. ‘Now stay there, damn it, and don’t move again.'” –sugarpie

“I fail to see why Bradley DeGroot has a problem with a potential catfight between MILF DeGroot and Toni. It will combine his two objects of affection into one giant psychosexual Oedipus-fest.” –tb4000

“Our local paper experimented with weekday color for the comics, before deciding we Midwesterners just couldn’t live at that speed. Thus, I was thankfully spared the horror of Rusty’s flesh-colored eyeballs — until today. And are his eyes growing out of his cheekbones? I think they’re like the ‘eyes’ on the wings of some moths, just imitative markings to fool predators. In fact, that theory just about accounts for Rusty’s entire face.” –He Who Oh Never Mind

“See how Sassy is pulling towards the alligator, Rusty? That’s called Natural Selection — it’s God’s way of making all of us better.” –steve

“A band geek can PROBABLY net (get it?) a jock girl with tiny arms and giant hands. Probably. How cross-eyed is he?” –Shortpacked

MW: “I’m pregnant! Now our marriage is safe from any problems forever!” –commodorejohn

“Clearly the dialogue was removed from this strip so we wouldn’t realize Mark is the villain today. ‘Hello, friend puppy! My exuberance to see you overwhelms my dignity! Joy and rapture!’ Panel 2: ‘Egads, sir, I must protest your actions!'” –Dragon of Life

“One naturally speculates on how one’s lifestyle will change with the passage of time, but I have to say, if getting older means my suitors are going to start plying me with sleeping pills and rice pudding instead of liquor, I’m … just not ready for that.” –Violet

“Sadly, every time I see the dog from Mark Trail, all I can think is that Rusty’s porn star name must be, like, Sassy Woods.” –Tafadhali

“Those two Mary Worth panels look like magazine ads for the Maidenform Cross-Your-Crone Bra and the new Bose Longest Stereo Ever.” –Patrick

“Delilah is going to wish she had come to her senses sooner when the morning sickness and stretch marks begin. Breeders … ha! Mary’s shrunken womb will look pretty good to you when you’re yakking up your Cherrios, bitch.” –McManx

“‘Old folks? What are you talking about, man?’ Well, shit, who could have guessed that Alzheimer’s is contagious?” –Chyron HR

“The latest moronic Rex Morgan story was worth it for the second panel in today’s strip, in which we can actually see Tim transforming into a hybrid of Skeletor and Hitler, complete with the appropriate mustache. I can only hope that the new and improved Tim comes with a temper and habits to rival both his genetic forefathers and viciously kills Cue using a combination of black magic and propaganda. Then, off to find He-Man! Or a local minority group; it’s all good for Tim/Skeletor/Hitler.” –Alan’s Addiction

“It’s amazing that this conversation in Mary Worth is happening at all, considering Delilah is speaking into her maxi pad. Good thing she wont be needing it for the next nine months.” –lizzy

“Oh right Mary is a lady with breasts let me put incredibly unrealistic shading some where on her torso to show that she is the ladiest lady that ever was.” –Turtlefish

“As always, I am comforted by the refreshing moral simplicity of the Mark Trail universe. The transformation from bad guy to good guy requires no agonizing period of study or elaborate conversion ritual. All one needs to do is announce one’s intentions, then prove them through a vigilante assault on someone who has more facial hair than you.” –Holy Prepuce!

“I suspect Del had no idea what was involved in baby-making before she visited Charley’s love nest.” –timmy the dying boy

“I think it’s safe to assume someone swinging from a tree and kicking you in the face is not on your side.” –Jesseg

“Hi. This is Tom Batiuk. You aren’t supposed to enjoy anything. Thank you, and God bless.” –Mibbitmaker

“Snuff shoulda tuck ol’ Bullet with ’im. Mamas kin hunt ennythin’! She done a purty good job dyein’ his pelt to match, too. Well, ol’ Bullet were a purty fur piece f’m bein’ a puppy anymore. Bile ’im good, Mama, I reckon he’s kinda chewy.” –Écureuil Écumant

“It’s the Funkyverse version of ‘Point/Counterpoint’: Him: ‘I bought new CDs.’ Her: ‘Just in time for your hearing to fail.’ Him: ‘My tailored slacks are here.’ Her: ‘Just before you lose all bladder control.’ Him: ‘Levi Johnston is naked in the new Playgirl!’ Her: ‘Too bad your eyes are … wait, what?'” –Ed Dravecky

One of two teams has won a football game. Hurrah! Or possibly not. Who knows?” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“Crock and company are imagining themselves in a winter wonderland to take their minds off their endless hellhole of a life. ‘Sir, another guard died of heat stroke yesterday.’ ‘GOSH IT SURE IS ANNOYING TO SHOVEL ALL THIS SNOW, AMIRITE?'” –bman

“Every morning before I get my newspaper, I anxiously anticipate that day’s comics page. Will Crankshaft be cranky today? Will he mispronounce a word? Will be be incompetent in some kind of yardwork? Or will he grill something incorrectly? No matter how many times I see these same jokes repeated, they in no way become old.” –Darkefang

Big thanks to everyone who put cash in my tip jar! And we must of course give thanks to our advertisers:

  • Advertise your t-shirts here: Find out more about the BlogAds t-shirt hive! Connect with young adults eager to sport your shirts! Reaching a tremendously expansive audience at a very low cost, the BlogAds T-Shirt Hive is comprised of a well-rounded set of over 30 social media elite blogs, who speak to a young hip male and female audience of clothing enthusiasts. These readers are seeking back to school threads, everyday wear and tear shirts, and any clothes that are stylish or humorous.

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.