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Very long-term readers will remember that, only a few weeks before my 2005 wedding, I had to upgrade the software that runs my site to stop up a security hole, which for boring technical reasons meant I also had to redesign the site, which resulted in a design with tiny print and endless white space that hurt everybody’s eyes. Then not long after I got back from my honeymoon, I found a freely available design template, hacked it inexpertly to make it work for me, threw it up on the site, and pretty much haven’t thought about it since.

But! I have at last decided to invest a little back into this thing that I spend so much time looking at, and will pay someone actually money to redesign it! Could that someone be you? Maybe, if you’re a professional Web designer, and know about WordPress and stuff! Check out the request for proposals and let me know if you think you’d be a good fit.

One thing you’ll note in that RFP is that I’m thinking (just thinking, mind you) of changing the comments so that they’re threaded — in other words, so that each comment has a “reply” button, and pressing it will result in your comment showing up indented immediately under the previous comment, rather than at the end of the list. I’m very interested to hear from frequent commentors on whether you think this would make it easier/more fun to have conversations, or whether it would disrupt the flow of things.

And I’m very interested in hearing from anyone — frequent commentors, occasional commentors, and lurkers alike — on what they’d like to see in the redesign, though do check out that RFP first to make sure it isn’t something I’ve already decided to do, and keep in mind that I’ll just be tweaking the design of the site, not its content. I can’t promise to implement everybody’s ideas, but I do want to hear them. Sound off in the comments or email me, whichever you prefer.

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Ha ha! You all make fun of my frequent vacations from the site, but did you know that last week I went on vacation and still blogged? Truth! I wasn’t able to keep up with the comments as much as I usually do, though, so it may be that some gems passed me by. Nevertheless, I have assembled what I believe to be a pretty hilarious list.

Oh! Wait! But! First there are items, of course. First off is an intriguing note from Bob Weber, Jr., the man behind Slylock Fox! He wants to let all of you guys know that he’s selling original Slylock art; so, if there are particular strips you’re interested in, or if you just want all the strips you can handle for your Reeky Rat shrine, contact him at slylockart@yahoo.com.

And! Faithful reader =Jym= sends us this pic to remind us that there can be love in the terrifying ruins haunted by the damned souls in the Winkerverse:

Perhaps returned hero/shattered shell of a man Wally Winkerbean will be interested, now that he’s single again!

And finally, faithful reader Greg offers this not wholly safe for work look at what that terrifying painting over at Charley’s apartment really looked like.

UPDATE: Guys, I totally almost forgot to add that Dean Booth, longtime faithful reader and proprietor of the always awesome Dean’s Comic Booth, is one of the finalists in this week’s New Yorker cartoon caption contest! Go forth and vote! “My caption isn’t particularly funny, but I think that was the key to my success,” he notes.

And now, without further ado … your comment of the week!

“‘Remember, Margo? You weren’t happy.’ Oh yeah, that narrows things down a lot.” –Sue D. Nymme

And the runners up!

“I hope that isn’t a clean diaper. It’s the least the grandmothers deserve for not leaving Marvin exposed on a mountainside the day he was born.” –Comrade Denny

“Like all taken-in strays, Tommy Libonate will, within minutes, get into a fight with the family dog and urinate all over the tent. God bless him.” –teddytoad

“Also, for the office pool: If no one has taken ‘Hitman in Orange, covered in toxic waste, grows facial hair; Mark punches him,’ then I’d like to call it.” –boojum

“Discussion question: is the idea that Delilah needs her hubby to help her get a book on music theory vanity-published more or less retrograde than the idea that all marital problems can be solved with babies?” –commodorejohn

“Del should just leave musical theory alone — I mean, what the hell did it ever do to her? I think a slim volume of fashion advice is the way to go: The All One-Color-Uniform — Looks Like A Sassy Jumpsuit, Even When It Isn’t! Three pages, easy, and sure to prompt a heap o’ podcasts and twatting.” –curlyfries

“While it’s a generally acknowledged fact that most of the Island of Doctor Moreau-esque abominations that populate the Plugger universe have three paws in the grave, it nonetheless seems needlessly cruel of the comparatively spry movie ticket lady to taunt our elderly protagonist about the fact that he may well not live to see how Paul Blart: Mall Cop turns out.” –Violet

“[Luann] is annoying me because of the way it has completely inverted itself over the years. It started out as a strip about a regular teen girl with a crush on a guy way out of her league, a jerk older brother, and sporadic battles with the ‘in-crowd’ cheerleader-types. Now her brother is Mr. Sensitive, getting wild non-sex from a model with a brain. TJ went from being the only funny guy to being the guy you want to shoot the most. Luann is so loaded with dates that she can’t even choose which beau to not-screw. And I’m feeling sorry for Tiffany. Maybe she’ll hook up with Dirk in a spinoff strip called The Outcasts Who Dare to Have Sex.” –Hogenmogen

“So how detailed did Margo get? Did she tell him to make multiple copies and to roll it up first? Or to remove the staples?” –un malpaso

“I love the chipmunk. I think as far as Jack Elrod is concerned the characters are interchangeable mannequins saying ‘blah blah blah blah blah’ to one another and the real strip is about giant animal closeups. Why does he do this? Are his giant animals not quite good enough for him to be a wildlife illustrator? Is there really no work for someone who can draw individually charismatic chipmunks but can only distinguish between people through hair colour and placement?” –Aviatrix

“I think the chipmunk is named ‘Mark.’ It’s a reasonably common name, and who would you rather talk to? Mark Trail, or a cute little chipmunk? The choice is clear.” –Victor Von

“I’m not sure what Mary is serving Toby, but based on the paleness of the contents of both bowl and pitcher, Mary has taken that old adage to heart: If life gives you a bowl of peeled boiled potatoes, make potato-ade.” –Perky Bird

“I was going to say that the scene in A3G seems awfully jovial for a ‘my boyfriend’s corpse is in an unrecoverable location on the other side of the world’ party, but I suppose it’s not as big a deal as it sounds: as a Buddhist, Eric will be reincarnated, and as a male character in A3G, no one will notice a difference.” –Rachel K

“A medieval city with Gothic architecture and cobblestone streets? No wonder Toby and the professor fell in love all over again — it reminded them of a time when a homely but prominent old man could steal away a child bride and no one would think twice.” -BigTed

I give prodigious thanks to those who put some money in my tip jar — you know who you are! I’d also thank our advertisers … if there were any who bought BlogAds ads, and who thus get thanked every week! Sadly, there aren’t any this week — maybe next week I’ll be thanking you! To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

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One again, your comment of the week is coming soon … but there are many hilarious and informative items that you have to work your way through first, which working through you will not regret! First off I will plug a little project that I’ve contributed to! If you have a Facebook account and are at all interested in free text-based adventure games, you might want to check out the Land of Odd! Look for the quests written by jfruh (that’s me!).

Next up is this image from faithful reader DOlz: “I was reading the vintage “Beetle Bailey” and I thought you might like to know Campy Swampy has long been a man’s camp.”

Next comes a note from faithful reader KTrout:

I live in a bland suburb about an hour from Vancouver, British Columbia, and when I make forays into the big city I often find myself walking or bussing through the Downtown Eastside. On Hastings street is a drinking establishment with the name “Funky Winker Bean’s Pub.” Being a year shy of the provincial drinking age I can’t say what it’s like inside but the pub’s listing on the website “Clubvibes” paints an evocative picture: “It was surprisingly clean, and the red walls with the half nude flapper girls that adorned them helped to create a kind of calculated aesthetic.” Furthermore, the listing boasts “Cheap Drinks” such as “$1.50 for a glass of beer, $2.75 for a 16oz pint, or $3.25 Shooters! (sic)” As if that weren’t enough it seems that revelers can also enjoy the services of “April the Bouncy Bartender.” (But only on Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.) The clubvibes entry can be found here.

I’ve never had a camera handy on my trips, but Google brings us this picture:

Next comes this note from faithful readers David Di Lillo and Mike Young:

We took a trip down to Washington D.C. to see the “Funny Pages”
exhibit at the fabulous five-floor Newseum, which provides a nice
timeline of comic strip history, only to find a large-scale Dennis the
Menace in his typical, non-menacing, “What’d I do?” pose. This
sighting made the $1 Megabus fare worth it.

Also! You might recall that last week I unaccustomedly posted a blurb from a syndicate promotional flack, because I love Lio and I love lookalike contests. This week I am going to give you a little taste of another I received:

Archie Comics made headline news this summer when it was announced that Michael Uslan (Executive Producer of “The Dark Knight”, “Batman Begins”) would be scripting “Archie marries Veronica”! The story was covered in front pages of newspapers around the world!

It goes on like that, blah blah eternal love triangle blah blah electronic sneak preview here blah blah WAIT HOLY CRAP SCRIPT WRITTEN BY EXECUTIVE PRODUCER OF THE ULTRA-BLEAK DARK KNIGHT? I am very much looking forward to the shocking climax, when Reggie forces Archie to decide whether to save Veronica (tied to a pile of dynamite in an abandoned warehouse) or Betty (being slowly lowered into a vat of acid in an old factory across town).

And finally we have have this charming note from faithful reader AirForbes:

I know you have an interest in wacky comics-related things your readers do, so I submit for your review the real life Jack Elrod Ball. I made this from a piece of cast-off illustration board, and with some reusable adhesive, it can be placed in a multitude of locations.

King Features is really missing out on the marketing possibilities here. The Elrod Ball! Create your own nature scenes involving ginormous wildlife! Stick it on the living room wall and experience the suspense of knowing that at any moment, a khaki-clad naturalist may kick in your front door and start punching anyone with facial hair! For example, I created this scene featuring a beloved Mark Trail character from a previous storyline, Lucky Beaver, at the creek in my backyard. I’m thinking a line of static decals for car windows would work well, too.

And now … your comment of the week!

“You know what they say, ‘Guns don’t kill people … and neither does this guy.'” –Rachel211

And your also-hilarious runners up!

“Over and over again I’m struck by how charmingly whimsical the art in Crankshaft is compared to how loathsome and charm-free the characters. Of course, if the art matched the content, then it would have to be drawn in smears of pig’s blood or something. Still. It’s jarring.” –Strangefate

“Before piling wood on your lawn, think twice. Will your future piled wood needs perhaps differ, locationwise? Plan ahead, so you don’t have to rely on the coerced servitude of hostile, resentful youths. Even when you’re absolutely certain, take a moment to inspect the exposed surface at the end each ‘log,’ and consult the following handy reference: Concentric circles: Log. Proceed. Spirals: Swiss cake roll. Reconsider.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“Obviously Cathy hasn’t yet stumbled onto Irving’s account at from-the-waist-down.net.” –HvP

“‘Mary Worth in Space’ would be a great 1970s Saturday morning cartoon! Of course she’d have a talking dune buggy.” –Vince M

“Hopefully, tomorrow, Del picks up one of her husband’s books and cries, ‘W-whoa! That’s … philosophy of a kind … I suppose…’ Lawrence: ‘I forgot you weren’t into the more posthumanist epistemology! Some things never change … hmm?'” –teddytoad

“My fondest wish is that, while Lawrence and Delilah are sitting in their hotel room, declaring their love for one another, Barry saunters in from another strip and nonchalantly takes a piss while cracking wise at both of them.” –Patrick

“I can’t see how you don’t see this as one more instance of the roving eyes that keep Lawrence on the road and drove Del to turn to Beefsteak Charley’s Lovenest to relieve her hunger for attention. It’s like, ‘Del, let’s talk in my room. It’s more pri … Why, HEL-LO THERE, Ms. Sexy Female Episcopal Priest. You know, it’s funny because I was just thinking about the Synod of Whitby and … Oh, right, Del. My room is this way. The champagne is, um, a gift from my publisher. So is the underwear.'” –Edgy DC

“Maybe what we’ve always assumed is Curtis’ hat is, in fact, an overly elaborate hairstyle? That would explain how it manages to stay perched precariously on his head under the most extraordinary circumstances. Whatever it is, though, my question is: how in the Hell does Curtis plan on getting his shirt on over it?” –TheDiva

“Dear Lord … I pray that Barry does NOT have the runs tomorrow morning while accusing Michelle of human sacrifice.” –AeroSquid

“A3-G: The small airport is so small, it doesn’t even seem to have a plane. I’m guessing the travelers just climb up that big mountain in the background, strap on some cardboard wings, and jump off.” –Perky Bird

“Viewing today’s Curtis, I can only think of three possible explanations: 1. Curtis’ brother’s penis comes out of his sternum. 2. Curtis’ brother has an exceptionally long and hose-like penis, that can be pulled up and over the toilet bowl. 3. Curtis’ brother is making a mess! By the way, forgive me for not knowing his name (though perhaps it’s actually ‘Worm’, which would lead me to believe the explanation is number two?), but I do have a life. Just not one rich and full enough to keep me from thinking about cartoon character’s penises, apparently.” –kevinbapp.com

“I know that many, if not most, newspaper comics are typically not abreast of current news, fashion, trends, technologies, wars, speech patterns, behaviors of young people, etc., but is it actually a requirement? Do the comics syndicates have a non-compete clause in their contract with newspapers that prevents them from delivering any content that might be considered current?” –wagmore barkless

“My Internet Happy Box involves more yiffing, to be honest. Granted, I can only see so much in that last panel.” –Naked Bunny with a Whip

“When a colony collapses in the Batuikverse do you think a bee in a tuxedo and an opera mask shows up to carry off the hive?” –Hank

“So, Gil — you’ve taken an angry young man who pummeled your house with baseballs and paired him with a bunch of defenseless kids and easy access to unlimited baseballs? Yeah, that seems like a good judgment call. Those kids are going home covered in ball-sized welts.” –Old School Allie Cat

“I think that I shall never see/ A man like Crankshaft ’xplainin’ bees.” –Dingo

“‘SO WHAT’S THE REAL ANSWER?!’ Trick question. The bees are all alive and well, but the Army misidentified some other insects’ remains.” –Chyron HR

“If being shot at makes Mark think he’s on the right track, I imagine being killed will really make his day! ‘I’ve solved it! Huzzah!’ *dies*” –zooby

“I think the low-angle shot represents the contempt with which Crankshaft views his audience. He figures these ditzy broads won’t understand anything about his brilliant bee lecture unless he literally draws them a picture of an oversized, simplified cartoon bee. This is the ’Shaft’s equivalent of a Power Point presentation. Call it An Incontinent Truth.” –Joe Blevins

“I always wonder how longtime legacy strips end. Mostly, it seems to be with a week’s worth of maudlin nostalgia that seeks to manufacture a sense of loss in the reader. Rarely does a strip die a ‘natural death’, in the sense that the plot ties up and the story really has come to an end. All of which is to say — if tomorrow our orange assassin drills Mark Trail right between the eyes, with a final panel saying ‘So long! It’s been a great 63 years’, I will be thrilled and impressed beyond measure.” –David Schraub

“There are cutters in Dick Tracy, all right. They always start with the fingers.” –Dean Booth

“What next, a scene in which Edda smears a naked Amos with tiramisu and licks it off? Ow, I hurt my own brain.” –Poteet

“After reading Crankshaft for a while, maybe Death Panels aren’t such a bad idea.” –Wolf Shepherd

“If the reason the bees are dying is ‘rattlesnakes’, the past few weeks of Crankshaft will make perfect sense. Yes, including the fast forward. Rattlesnakes, man! They get their venom into your head and then you’re like … whoa, dude, I’m seeing flashbacks from every time I’ve ever seen a baseball game, except I’m in the future. Oh, wait, hold on. Did I say ‘rattlesnakes’? I meant ‘marijuana’. Marijuana is the only way the past few weeks of Crankshaft make any sense.” –Black Drazon

“So now we know the truth: Rodgers and Hammerstein songs make Delilah so instantly and powerfully aroused that when Charley sang them, she became terrified of her own physical desire and had to flee to the only man she knew would serve as an antidote to lust.” –buckyswife

“Yesterday I saw ‘salmon’ in a list of colors, and I realized that salmon squares aren’t so named because they’re made of fish — nobody knows what the heck they are, so they call them salmon squares, because they’re salmon-coloured squares. The next pool party will introduce aquamarine triangles.” –AirForbes

“Well it seems that Del and Lawrence, while unable to communicate in any semblance of a constructive manner, have put aside their differences because Lawrence would never dream of even looking at a woman in a one piece bathing suit, let alone owning a Thomas Kincade reproduction of one. Now they enjoy their chaste, chaste ‘love making’ which probably consists of a few minutes of solid hand holding while Lawrence reads aloud from Leviticus.” –Suspicious Patron

“2012 is either when this lame story is going to wind down or when someone finally identifies that weird rotting flesh smell coming from Charley’s apartment.” –walty

“Ugh. And now Lawrence proceeds to fill Delilah up with babies, as God intended.” –Nomstrosity

“I love the expression on Barfy’s face as he has an existential moment: ‘Dear God, I’m going to be stuck with these people for the rest of my life, aren’t I?'” –spazmodeas

“Wow, how big is that tent? Maybe the Keanes aren’t camping at all, but they’ve tented their house for termites — and because it’s raining outside, they’re all going to be poisoned. In which case, their lawsuit against the weatherman seems a little more winnable.” –BigTed

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