Post Content

So, your COTW is coming in a moment, but there is a truly EPIC amount of material from faithful readers and others to wade through before we get to it. We must begin with the Web site that has the entire Mary Worth-reading community buzzing: Enormoushop.com. It’s where Toby shops for second-rate birthday gifts for her third-rate husband, and now you too can enjoy the savings at the Internet’s most enormous shop! I have no idea whatsoever who created this brilliant thing — please stand up and take a bow, sir or madam!

Next! You might recall the Protectors of the Earth video I posted a while back, in which Mary Worth, Mark Trail, Rex Morgan, and Garfield join forces to fight crime! Have you been patiently waiting for a part two? Well, your wait is now over!

These videos are the product of a newly-moved-to-LA comedy collective called Your Girlfriend.

And! Speaking of funny YouTube videos, I have been remiss in not drawing your attention to faithful reader Dingo’s fantastic “Mary Worth: Dancing Queen.” Watch it with someone you love!

In addition! Longtime readers may be wondering whatever happened to Lucky the Beaver, the wayward semi-aquatic rodent who got caught in a trap, was nursed back to health by Mark Trail’s ward Rusty, released back into the wild, found true love with a lady beaver, then was menaced by some mustachioed ne’er-do-well before earning his respect. Last we saw, he had knocked up his beavermomma, and it was open to question how he was going to support his growing family. Well, faithful reader gnome de blog just found the answer, and it ain’t pretty.

Also! What would an excessively long COTW post be without some shameless merchandise promotion? Here we have faithful reader AMSTERDANG, sporting a THE URGE shirt. (His URGE involves eating s’mores, apparently.)

These shirts came out just before Al Scaduto passed away, so I haven’t really been promoting them much, but perhaps they provide a good way to remember the good times. The visible stains are, I hope, the fault of AMSTERDANG and not of CafePress. (If you’re a new reader and have no idea what this is about, I urge you to peruse the They’ll Do It Every Time archive post-haste!)

And finally! Faithful reader commodorejohn has set Mary Worth’s favorite aphorisms to music! Enjoy the funk genius of Mary Worth Told Me To.

And now, after all that jibber-jabber, it’s the comment of the week!

“You want excitement? Try counting how many different necklines Toby’s top has had since Monday. I count four.” –flodnak

Followed in short order by the runners-up!

“My God, they even use puns in their speech-locked minds.” –WarOfTheBees

“You know, a detective is as great as the foes he defeats. Sherlock had Moriarty, and apparently Slylock has the most petty criminals with the lowest IQ. Way to keep your standards low, Slylock.” –Foolster41

“I guess you could call this a glow by glow description! Oh, I’m having a stroke.” –Fat Charlie

“Also, Cathy is offering a week(s?)-long object lesson in why we shouldn’t necessarily be too annoyed at Herb and Jamaal’s notorious nonspecificity. Or, if I can put that another way, Cathy: Shut the fuck up about the Prius already.” –One-eyed Wolfdog

“Maybe it’s just me, but if I had to work under a man named ‘Fran’ pawing his crotch and telling me to ‘sit, watch, learn — and stay ready’, deportation wouldn’t look all that bad.” –Jordan

“The coach has a severed human forearm on his desk as some kind of macabre trophy, but Elmer is more concerned hotel accommodations? Man, I do not get this strip at all.” –Sobek

“‘Paperwork’ = Forging the signature on the consent form to medically castrate Jeff.” –Tweeks_Coffee

“Hoo! I’m gonna hafta say April’s lingo an’ hairstyle are creeping me out.” –Moss_Moses

“Toby seems to be browsing in the “Documentaries About Other Countries” section (which includes such blockbusters as England, Japan, China, Italia…) So that movie on the far right in panel 2 is probably supposed to say Greece. But I prefer to assume that someone has mistakenly shelved the 1950s-nostalgia musical Grease in this section. Clearly that is what Toby should buy her husband. Ian would have a blast pointing out its inadequacies, while secretly thrilling to songs like ‘Summer Lovin.'” –Mollie

“Stoned teenagers on dirty old wrestling mats in a basement? My god! It’s an American Apparel photo shoot!” –Bunnë, Official Comic Execrator

“‘Now let’s see if they sell my husband’s desired DVD.’ Damn, Toby, you need to start talking out loud. Thinking your words doesn’t seem to be working for you.” —WeaselBoy

“Why is Francis holding a wine and cheese party for his crew of dirtbags and derelicts anyway? Wouldn’t they be satisfied with a can Spray Cheez and the liquid squeezed from a microwaved Nerf football?” –Tracer Bullet

“This is, of course, buildup to the epic scene where Grandma has a heart attack and her grandkids, despite her repeated cries for aspirin and an ambulance, stand around hugging her.” –Mariko

“I’m waiting for Eric to realize he’s spent the last few months at the Morocco Pavilion at Epcot in Orlando instead of Lhasa, Tibet. ‘Gone? Gone where?!’ ‘Who can say? Maybe he’s taking his break in the employee lounge.'” –Duckman30

Mary Worth: “I’d go to the ends of the earth for my man, and if not the ends of the earth, I’ll at least plunk my perfect ass down in front of my computer to order up that deadly dull documentary I’m fixated on.” –nomoho

“Is ‘mother of the bride’ the same as ‘shoplifted from a rummage sale’?” –dale

Special thanks to those who put money in my tip jar — you true heroes know who you are! And we gotta give some love to the advertisers:

• TV Funhouse: The best Comedy Central show you’ve never seen! Featuring tons of dirty cartoons and the Anipals. Buy the DVD July 22nd!
• Hip & Handmade!: They specialize in cute! Shop ShanaLogic.com for handmade jewelry, hot apparel, gear for guys, unusual plushes, and more!

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

Post Content

Comment of the week in a moment, but first, a major announcement. Today, July 28, 2008, will go down in history as The Day Ces Marciuliano Finally Got Off His Ass And Relaunched Medium Large! Yes, the beloved Webcomic is back on its own site, with (we hope) regular updates, as well as separate pages for beloved characters such as Teenage Girl President, TODD and Son, and Victorian Era Superhero!

I first made Ces’s Internet acquaintance when someone forwarded me a particularly trenchant Medium Large that featured one of the B.C. cast of characters saying the word “fucking.” I quickly went from “Ha ha, this is a hilarious spoof of B.C.!” to “Holy crap, the guy who writes Sally Forth made a hilarious spoof of B.C.!” I wish a long life to the strip’s new incarnation.

And now, without further ado: COTW, y’all!

“Maybe the names ‘Ass Cabin,’ ‘Tushy Trawler’ and ‘Drunken Derilick’s Dinghy’ were already taken.” –PeteMoss, on how the Bum Boat got its name

And runners-up:

“Does Dagwood realize that the tub is so full that if he got in it would overflow? Doesn’t Dithers knock before he enters a bathroom? Apparently the Archimedes Principle has taken a vacation with the laws of common decency.” –Hogenmogen

“Today’s strip looks like a clip art image of Mary was pasted against Jeff’s shoulder at a weird angle. This is more horrifying that it sounds, since it implies that Mary Worth clip art may actually exist somewhere.” –AhClem

“I really like how Mary Worth glared at us today while dispensing her timeless nuggets of wisdom, by which I mean I developed an eating disorder after Mary Worth glared at us today while dispensing her timeless nuggets of wisdom.” –Gerund

“I just feel bad for the folks that might be searching for this blog now thinking ‘Rex Morgan fans? I love that strip too!’ And by ‘feel bad’ I mean I wish I could see their faces as they read the entries. ’Specially the genitalia one.” –shnazzer

“I think Jeff and Mary have, consciously or not, begun a platitude-to-the-death competition. Who will win? Or are there ever winners in such a God-forsaken battle of bon mots?” –bats :[

“As with the Tin Man, Mary’s joints need a serious oiling, unlike Jeff’s hair.” –Calico

“While ol’ Mare and Jeff continue their flowery turdering upon the English language in an effort to express feelings that they can neither understand nor appreciate, it’s important to seek out one glimmer of substance as reassurance that the precious seconds required to read each day’s strip were not spent in vain. For me, today’s salvation is the hope that we are not looking at a neon sign above the restaurant entrance, but rather are listening to an employee whose job it is, from opening time to the moment the last fish-shaped lamp is switched off, to announce the eatery by screaming as loudly as possible ‘BUM BOAT!!! BUM BOAT!!! BUM BOAT!!!’” –Mooncattie

“I think Mary is talking in code about hermaphrodites. She’s so cool. And fucking weird.” –Mr. Barkie

“I was about to remark on the ooky ‘tender bud’ stuff when I was distracted by the extreme hideousness of Mary’s shirt. Then I was about to say something about how Mary’s taste in clothes is second in ookiness only to her taste in metaphors when I realized I once dated a 29-year-old man who wore exactly the same outfit Jeff is wearing, and he liked seafood too. Now I’m going to go drown myself in gin.” –Echo

“If Margo was a FOOB she’d be thought-ballooning ‘A ring! The token that says “I’m going to rip his head off and ram my ovipositor down his throat”!'” –GotFuzzy

“I think it’s kind of sweet how Les uses memories of his dead wife as a sexual lubricant with his best friend’s ex. Love, exciting and new!” –Tom the Pirate

“Young, old, pretty, ugly, fat, thin, rich, poor — I think sex is fun and natural and doesn’t belong exclusively to any demographic. But given a choice, I’d rather hear Margo Magee talk about it than Mary Worth. Mostly because I think Margo probably has angry, angry sex, and says things with finger quotes. ‘Yes’! That’s ‘it’!” –Old School Allie Cat

“The Family Circus has made millions and is beloved by millions, and the Keanes did this by consistently steering clear of so-called ‘jokes.’ You think they’re going to start using them now?” –Mac

“Family Circus: I wish Angela Lansbury would stop checking the recipe and just bake those kids into pies, already.” –RaJ

“Today’s Momma has convinced me that there are two kinds of people in the world: those who hormonally free-associate and see sex in an innocent four panels of man passionately kissing his mother, and those incapable of doing so. Right now, I wish I were in the latter group. A lot.” –Vakar

“Who wouldn’t be excited about going to South Dakota? In the Apartment 3-G universe, that’s where they rounded up the minorities and put them in camps.” –Master Mahan

“I’m looking forward to Lu Ann on the ranch. Sitting on her Shetland pony, official Dale Evans cowgirl hat with the string fixed tightly under her chin, a shiny new South Dakota commemorative quarter in her hand, she searches for the slot to put it in to make the pony go, while the lonesome wind whistles through the vast empty landscape between her ears.” –gh

“Am I the only one starting to really envy Mary’s lifestyle? Here we all are, toiling away at jobs like chumps, while she spends her Monday relaxing over a delicious plate of mustard at a restaurant so fancy each table gets its own fez, while Toby helpfully explains to her what medicine is.” –Violet

Since my abject Jeopardy! failure, I’ve come to appreciate my tip-jar-money-putter-inners all the more! And the site advertisers as well:

• TV Funhouse: The best Comedy Central show you’ve never seen! Featuring tons of dirty cartoons and the Anipals. Buy the DVD July 22nd!
• Hip & Handmade!: They specialize in cute! Shop ShanaLogic.com for handmade jewelry, hot apparel, gear for guys, unusual plushes, and more!
• Keavney comics!: Badly-drawn comics. Smell-rite comics. You need these comics!

To find out more about advertising on this site, click here.

Post Content

OK, it’s incredibly, exhaustively long, so I’ve put in on a separate page. And for everyone who’s sick of hearing about it, I promise this is it, Jeopardy-wise. Enjoy!