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No fuss no muss just COTW!

“At that age, you should only have two possible items on your bucket list: either ‘not dying’ or ‘dying.’” –Ettorre

The runners up? Also very funny.

“I think every Mary Worth strip ought to take time to include Wilbur’s POV, as they do here in panel 6.” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“It figures that animalist propaganda would depict the Weirdly family as degenerate hippie communist stock. Anything to discredit the Human Resistance.” –TheDiva

“If you look closely, you’ll realize that it’s not the robot that’s plugged into the wall, but the chair it’s sitting on. So it’s sitting on an electric chair — not the execution device, but simply an electric version of what appears to otherwise be a typical desk chair. Also, it takes three plugs, kind of like a desktop computer hooked up to the internet would be. None of this helps with actually understanding the comic — the opposite, in fact — but it’s important to note.” –Westing1992

“Just remember kids, it’s only a problem unless you win the football game for your school. That makes you good for exactly one week.” –Kevin On Earth

“You should see this speech bubble, Guy! The one I’m pointing at!” –made of wince

“Well, I know what I’m most surprised by, and that’s the weird, unsettling effect of a mostly-realistic character plopped down next to another, more classically cartoonish one. Mr. Scanarelli has refused to allow his readers to settle into a comfortable visual groove for years, of course, but then the strip has refused to allow Walt a dignified death for decades, so why should we be any different? Dying, I mean. It’s the only way out of the Gasoline Alley universe, and not for the characters.” –pastordan

“Photographing sharks under water seems much more doable than photographing them above water.” –But What Do I Know?

“I want to know what horrible pre-death activity Walt wrote that made Gertie elide over it with a polite, if shocked, ‘oh my!’ Was it sexual, scatological, or blasphemous?

• I shall make war on God in Heaven and tear down His eternal city.
• I want to [REDACTED] the [REDACTED] of [some 1920s silent movie vamp none of us have ever heard of].
• I’m gonna poop on Patton’s grave.” –Voshkod

“The Sea-Preme Court’s overturning of Row vs. Wade has made it illegal for mermaids to terminate their pregnancies under any circumstances, ending the arrangement with carnivorous birds like storks to take care of devastating genetic abnormalities in the population.” –Philip

“I don’t know if Susan Konar planned to throw in so many disturbing questions about mermaid reproduction that the putative joke of the stork wanting to eat the baby would get buried, but that’s what she’s wound up doing.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“In panel 1, Manley has really managed to capture that moment when you’re trying to stifle a burp mid-sentence. ‘I was on the phone with Steve when _ _ (mumph!) _ _ when it happened.’” –Hibbleton

“If number three on a list of ten reasons is ‘It’s a talking point with your friends’ I can’t imagine what horrors the list descends into by number ten. Probably it’s ‘There’s a whole community of bidet-owners and, let’s face it, they’re your only chance at having friends if you think it’s normal to sit around talking about shitting.’” –Spunky The Wonder Squid

“Yeah, I have known young musicians who were sadly hung up on the ‘27 club,’ but they always included Kurt Cobain. The writers of the strip, though, know that they are taking a chance by assuming that their readers have heard of Jimi Hendrix.” –Rube

“The reasoning behind this Beetle Bailey is more simple than it appears. The writer just shouted into his phone, ‘Siri what is a famous fictional dog I can put in my comic strip please?’ And he took the first answer given without checking its source. The secret ingredient is not caring!” –Chance

“Marley had her eyeballs removed to play Sandy, hope the Bony was worth it.” –nescio

“I also like the weird expression Curtis’ mom is drawn with in the imaginary panel, as if she’s cursing her own dummy thiccness.” –ectojazzmage

“At least Curtis is classy enough to say ‘young lady‘ instead of some horrible sexist epithet. He must have picked that phrase up from his father, who regales Curtis with stories about ballroom dancing to the music of Glenn Miller.” –Peanut Gallery

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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Hello y’all! It’s the first Friday of the month and that means if you are in or near Los Angeles, you should be coming to The Internet Read Aloud, live on stage at the Clubhouse, at 1607 N. Vermont! I am hosting and our comics include newcomer Jeena Bloom, show fav Patrick Susmilch, and superstar Laser of the Doubleclicks! Don’t miss it, man! What else are you doing on a Friday night? Nothing cool, I bet!

You know what is cool, though? This week’s comment of the week.

“White rice with hamburger gravy with a side of roasted carrot? Sounds like something you’d feed a puppy with indigestion, which … [scans Zak’s face] checks out, actually.” –pastordan

Also cool? Those very funny runners up:

“My Mom didn’t want me, after all; it was some other lady calling her son. This neighborhood is lousy with Elmos.” –Pozzo

“With biology having failed to do the job through heart disease or diabetes despite decades of ludicrously terrible diet, it’s up to physics to finally kill Dagwood Bumstead no matter what.” –jroggs

“Iris is limited to the number of guests she can entertain at one time, as she possesses only one square plate, two glasses, a bent olive fork, and a single dining chair. Zak graciously overlooks these things and is content to sit on a stack of phone books, but privately he wishes Iris had supplied a table napkin, as he inexpertly tries to maneuver the ‘white rice with hamburger gravy’ to his mouth.” –Charterstoned

“Say what you want about Count Weirdly’s ethically-questionable methods (and his pathetic alibi), but he’s just a White Hat Hacker trying to do some good in the world. While the Animal Forest does absolutely nothing to stop Brendan Beaver from watching the most filthy and degrading rodent-porn available on the dark web, this internet vigilante has used his mad skills to instead fill the Beaver household with chess wholesomeness. And before you say it, that Octopus asked to be put in a cage, okay?” –Carsick Yankee

“God damn Weirdly, pick a menacing pet and go with it. You think Blofeld shows up for an evil plot with a whole petting zoo on his lap? Maybe that’s why he’s running SPECTRE from a volcano lair, and you’re … what’s your scheme this time? [skims, shakes head]” –Dan

“My Nan used to make this for me … but then I grew teeth and she made me real food.” –Hibbleton

“We got a brief glimpse to a multi-ethnic world of Mary Worth, where people are allowed to refer to their grandmothers with culturally diverse nicknames. Luckily, that portal of madness was immediately closed shut.” –Ettorre

“Judging by those biceps I see that Zak has entered the ‘spends his days working out rather than personally running his business because the VC money he’s already pocketed guarantees he won’t be materially affected by any downturns’ phase of tech overlordship.” –Effluvius Erratus

“If The Phantom was nothing but a wandering, flaming skeleton every single day, readership would skyrocket. It would create a media empire that nothing could stop.” –BeckoningChasm

“I know that the ‘pirate treasure chest’ is just a trope that has little to do with the historical reality of privateering, but I’m tickled that this particular chest seems to contain engagement rings still in the box, as if Blue Beard just raided Tiffany’s.” –pugfuggly

“A distinction should be made between a skeleton that is burning because you have just set it alight with a fireball, and a skeleton that is alight from some internally generated burning and eternal flame of pure hatred fueled, most likely, by natural gas. The menace level posed by the latter would be much more menacing, especially once their carbon footprint is appropriately accounted for.” –Calvin’s Cardboard Box

“‘That why you shaved your head?’ is a shocking piece of dialogue, because it implies the existence of a single reason for one Dick Tracy character to look at another and think, ‘Gee, there’s a funny-lookin’ guy.’” –Vice President John Adams

“Woah, woah, sir, you’re gonna get all emotional about this. Oh wait, you’re Sam Driver. Never mind.” –made of wince

“Zak is really desperate to get out of eating the glop Iris prepared, but he didn’t think his plan through.” –taig

“‘Man bun’ is so culturally … wow. Passe, sarcastic, popular among people who are not, but someday may end up as, the Lockhorns. Tomorrow, Loretta can retaliate when Leroy is off to the post office, asking him if he’ll be using a ‘tramp stamp.’” –Handsome Harry Backstayge, Idol of a Million Other Women

“Loretta is just feeding Leroy human hair for dinner now, such is the depth of her contempt” –SideshowJon

“In a vain attempt to make a happy moment, the Mary Worth team cut off the rest of Iris’s thought: ‘Why hast thou forsaken me?’” –Voshkod

And finally, I must give a shoutout to the faithful reader who posts only as Anonymous who took a look at Zak’s proposal stance and tried to figure out where everyone was in relationship to each other in that panel:

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!

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EVERYBODY! Next week, if you’re in LA, you should come to The Internet Read Aloud on, 10/7 at 7 pm, at the Clubhouse! It will be fun and you should not miss it. Here is the Facebook event!

This week, meanwhile, it’s the comment of the week!

“Film is so luminous … like Crankshaft’s eyes in the dark. What is he, a raccoon or something?” –Peanut Gallery

And your very funny runners up!

“I read that wrong and assumed that the cold cuts were what was clogging the sink in the first place, and he dug them out and was amazed at how much there was. That feels closer to an actual Blondie joke than what we were given.” –The Rambling Otter

“Film is so luminous … like Crankshaft’s eyes in the dark. What is he, a raccoon or something?” –Peanut Gallery

“I think we’re starting to see why the most recent owners of the Valentine weren’t successful. They tried to turn it into a strip club, but it was the kind of strip club that didn’t have a bar, or a stage, or erotic dancers, or anything a strip club typically has, and instead had theater seating, and a theater lobby, and film projectors, and instead of alcohol and sexy strippers they instead had popcorn and The Phantom Empire running on repeat.” –jroggs

“I also advise patients to brush after every meal, so I’m stopping home home to practice what I preach. I’ll be walking, so it might take a while. Don’t go anywhere.” –Inspector Gotcha

“Why not go for a swim? That ought to burn some calories, and the ocean is right there. Also, if I want medical advice I’ll go to Rex Morgan. Stay in your lane, Mary Worth.” –Anonymous (but not that one)

“So Henry just tears across meadows to get to wherever? And Dennis think he’s the menacing one?” –The Greathan

“For anyone who doubts Sam is actually a lawyer — or at least pretending to be one — today reveals he has the most important legal prop there is: a bookcase of monochromatic books. The tan ones could be any of the U.S. Reports series for Federal law. The blue and red books are probably subject-matter tomes (I have a row of blue ones for Search and Seizure and a row of red ones for National Security Investigations, for example). Now it’s possible he just bought them at an estate sale because he’d seen enough legal TV shows to know he needed rows of monochromatic books. But maybe he’s an actual bar certified lawyer, and in that case, may God help his clients.” –Voshkod

“Robbing a bank to build their spaceship seems a little dark, even for this strip.” –Where’s Rocky

“You can tell when someone is just throwing smart sounding words they vaguely know together to write a sesquipedalian character. They always try too hard. Like, I don’t care how many dictionaries you own, when you’re hopping on one leg because a piano ate your sock, you ain’t saying ‘betwixt.’” –jerp+jump

“Well of course time is their enemy! If it ever stops being 1986, Kaz is in trouble!” –2+2=7

“Jessica plans to rocket the gun from the dying planet Earth to Krypton, where it will grow to have powers far beyond that of mortal guns.” –Dr. Larry Erhardt

“Hi shows the high and low — pun full intended — of the middle-aged man’s libido. As his blonde wife extends her arms and presents herself to him, he insists that he has changed his mind about watching TV. But seeing her hideous orange sweater, he sourly notes there’s too much on and retreats to his sofa, his crushed desires sated by articles on the LIV and Rory’s amazing 2022.” –KMD

“‘I thought you were going to watch TV!’ Does Lois think you need to make an appointment or something? It’s OK, he can still turn it on at any time!” –pugfuggly

“I am kind of enjoying the picture of Siri as this fierce guardian of my accounts, rather than something that is capable of telling me the weather if she happens to recognize that I am asking.” –Rube

“Ho ho, just wandering my giant yard drinking coffee in the middle of the day, as you do. Ah, and there’s my neighbor, up to the exact same thing, simply wandering the boundaries of his property as he self-caffeinates. Perhaps a leisurely chat about his good-for-nothing son, who sat around all day doing nothing the whole summer. Can you imagine! Wherever would he get such an idea that that’s acceptable behavior!” –Thelonious_Nick

“For $18 a pop, Sam better be getting the entire police file, a key to the evidence room, and free use of a squad car on weekdays so he can play with the lights and siren.” –Inspector Gotcha

“You can see waitress Lila inwardly praying that Hank Jr. doesn’t have a grandson she’ll be contractually obligated to date someday.” –Artist formerly known as Ben

“‘They’re the ones who choose the path they walk.’ Sounds like a setup for these two to stroll right off the end of the pier.” –cheech wizard

“When your bill says ‘pumpkin spice latte’ but your eyes say ‘4:20 blaze it, chickens.'” –pastordan

Remember: If you want an ad-free version of this site sent to you every day via email, for $3 a month you can become a Comics Curmudgeon newsletter subscriber! And if you never want to see banner ads on this site, and want to get cool comment-editing features to boot, for the same low price you can become a Comics Curmudgeon website subscriber! And if you just want to give me money directly, you can put some scratch in my tip jar, or back me on Patreon! Thanks to all for your support and readership!